Goedric

ok cjay, just pointing out. on the list of perfect match qualities you said... so just asking... is it time for you to change the little bisexual leaning female tag on your profile? just goofin with ya!

carl: Your friend cares about you a great deal or he would not have given you a qualified aceptence. Basically you are challenging him to rethink his position and most likely ask questions about himself. this is very difficult for anyone and it should not be surprising that he would react by avoiding you. its human nature. he is trying to reorder his world and to fit you within it. in terms of what should do you need to ask yourself what you want tio do. from where i sit you love this guy at least like a brother, - perhaps more. he is in the same boat. we cant know the reality of it here. determine what you want to do in your heart and ask yourself if you have the strength to see it through. this process could take months or years and the ending may not yield the result you have hoped for. you have to balance fixing a challenged relationship with walking away and keeping the good parts in your memory. you will never be able to accept hate from one you love in a healthy way. it has to change of you need to get yourself out of the situation. dont do anyting quickly. time is your friend. take it slow. no sudden moves. if you want to keep the relationship give him space to breath but not space to obliterate the memory of whats good between you. too much silence and time allows stupidity and indifference to reinforce themselves. good luck man. no easy answer. but who knows maybe you can yank a soul out of a hateful abyss, - or at least know you did your best. but if your feelings are too tied up in him dont do your self the diservice of taking on all the pain. in such a case its best to politely move on. abrazos

ive always imagined god as being very lonely. so i guess i would create him a boyfreind so that when my day was up id be leaving something behind to keep him company. maybe together they would come up with some beautiful solutions for the problems all around us.

well i moved to mexico from the states (chicago) about 9 years ago. It felt odd at first but i got over that quickly. once i could get by in spanish it was a snap, - and where i am there are lots of english speaking people. i can have a much better quality of life here on much less money which basically allowed me to retire at 40 rather than like 70. Where i am near puerto vallarta is one of the most expensive places in mexico, but even considering that there is Great health care here for almost nothing, food is 20% cheaper, gas is 20% cheaper, lodging is 70% cheaper and there are virtually no property taxes and you can get someone to help out cleaning or gardening or whatever for about $25 a day. all conveniences are here even obmoxious ones like 3 walmarts, costco and 2 walmarts within 10 miles. just like back home. We even hve about 20 gay bars and a new gay community center. only things missing are chicago hotdogs, taco bell and good thai food.

Actually im haaving my 5th date with a guy tonight and im hoping he askes me exactly that question.... ill let ya know how i answer it!

well there are some characteristics that i find sexy and which my ideal mate would have if i was creating him from scratch but which i would never use as criterion to reject a potential guy. So i can see what dark was saying as well now that im thinking more clearly after a glass of wine. they include... long reach pronounced adams apple propensity to sweat buckets strong male scent rich voice (not necesarily deep but a voice with overtones) Reticent rather than talkative Overly serious bright eyes (color unimportant) Sings to me in restaurants or bars when a familiar song come on Striking appearence (could be elfin pretty or ruggedly handsome/part chimpanzee doesnt matter) classic features that will still look good in 30 yrs, perfect nose, square jaw line etc A mysteriousness about him, maybe even an element of danger cold white skin (opps sorry thats my vamp thing kicking in) oh well. mas vino!

What i think is sexy is exactly what i look for in an ideal man. So i wouldnt know how to answer one question without the other. If that makes any sense. I guess if there were things that one was attracted to that one would not want to marry then the questions would be different. For me they are the same.

Well i now live in Mexico where many many people are together and not married (gay as well as straight relationships). In both cases a very common term used is Pareja which technically means... Couple, Mate, Partner or Pair. It is also used singly so i would refer to my parter/lover as follows: This is Leonardo my pareja. (my mate). Or I could say Leonardo an I are parejas. (are a couple or are partners or are mates) So here is works really easily and its used the same way in heterosexual nonmarried romantically involved couples or partners. The word pareja is always romantic never used for business or friendship purposes. So partners in business would be socios and partners in friendship or would be compañeros.

To be honest looks always play an important part of the equation. I have to find him at least somewhat physically attractive, - period. He doesnt have to be a 10, or 9 or an 8. But he has to be a 5 at least to me or it wont go any further. Then there has to be something that catches my attention in some way to set him off from the crowd. Something than moves a guy who is a 5 in the looks department to a 7 or an 8 on my personal perfect guy scale. Maybe he has a great voice at a kareoke bar, or an amazing smile, or fierce eyes, or a deep sexy voice, unique sense of humor, similar interests, etc. At that point with time his total personality and all the other parts of him can turn him into a 10 for me and ill have eyes for noone else. in the same way a 10 in the looks dept can move to a 1 after a few conversations. Thats the way it works for me. It does start with the looks.

If you know his name you could try a less eye to eye approach if he is on facebook for example. You could send him a friend request with a little note saying "hey ive seen you around etc" and then take it from there. Or approach him with a stupid question like... Hey do you have change for a dollar, or a pencil, great shirt where did you buy it, whatever to break the ice. If he is at all interested it will be easier once the ice is broken. Good luck. Its never easy but just keep in mind that all you are doing is saying hello. A rejection to a simple hello isnt likley unless he is a total creep. Now after that there will be bigger questions perhaps but at least you will have started the conversation off and you can move as slowly as you need to and observe all you can. Jeff

Nephylim that is absolutely correct. Obviously if one is considering dating the ex of a friend, then one has done some homework and sees potential. so we really dont have to worry about the ex being an abusive or uncaring piece of garbage. SO if its over its over and everyone deserves to find someone and be happy. so if it feels right take whatever steps you can to make it easier for all and move forward. dont cheat yourself out of something thats potentially great out of fear that a friend isnt beig enough to wish you and his or her ex the best in life as well. Jeff

Have to play devils advocate or maybe just the devil. My answer is absolutely, without a doubt I am 100% sure I would date a lovers ex as long as i gave them time to make up and change their minds. And i wouldnt not hide the fact. I would be very open about it and i would give my friend notice so he wasnt surprised. Everyone seems to be concerned about losing a friend, - sorry but id be more concerend about losing a potential life partner. If the feeling was mutual and their old relationship was over its fair game. And my friend should be happy for me. If not, he (or she) wasnt really a good friend. We are not talking about breaking up your friends relationship. Its already over. anyway thats the way i see it.

On the one hand its difficult to give up on finding your true love, but there is something to be said for simply having someone to love as well, - even if its not the perfect image that floats around in your head. My grandparents had an arranged marriage. She was 13 and he was 26. By the time i knew them well they had been married 45 years and were very much in love. They had grown so close that they couldnt even imagine not being together. I often wondered how they felt during those years before there was any love between them. And how many such years were thee. Maybe they just lucky or maybe we can we all find enough to love in another good person if we are forced to look close enough. I dont know. Ive always held out for someone special sparks and all. When i find it and the feeling is mutual (no luck so far) will it be any more real that a couple who spent 40 years building a life together in an arranged marriage. Who knows? I hope so but im not 100% sure. When you think about it, many of the people whom we love the most are not in ours lives by choice, -- our biological family. Perhaps its the blood concept perhaps not, - but we usually have little choice and we more often than not end up loving them a great deal. History is an important part of any relationship. To the degree than an arranged marriage works I would guess its becuase it tends to be less negotiable as time goes on and as a result it has the chance to develop a history worth remembering (otherwise i immagine it would be like being trapped in a personal hell). I think about how some of my best memories center on incidents that at the time were anything but enjoyable. Memories of overcomming obsticals and the getting through difficult times sucessfully seem to somehow become fond ones over time. Maybe it would be that was in an arranged marriage as well. And if the goal is to find that one perfect relationship that was set in the stars then it would seem that such a marriage has also been arranged as well, - perhaps by the universe or fate. Dont get me wrong, im still holding out for my own price charming, - one i find and fall in love with and who feels the same about me. But... doesnt mean its the only way to be happy.

hey lugh ive had too much wine already. cheap red wine out of a box. you know what that means. i start typing and i cant stop myself. so... Well rating systems generally try to give us some kind of predictive score, - something one would call a measure of central trendency if one had the misfortune of spending too much time in stats courses. What we usually use is an average (1 to 5 stars) or the sum of pluses and minuses. An average is a measure of central tencency as long as the underlying population from which the scores are obtained is normally distributed which stars can sort of be. The sample population of 1s and -1s cant be normally distributed so if 100 people rate something and half love it and half hate is you get a zero and it looks like no one likes it. the rating in such a case actually describes no ones opinion at all. In a way the people who tend not to give negs have modified the +/- system to a +/0 system which at least always presents some descriptive information acurately reflecting the votes, i.e., The number of positives are tabulated and to the degree they exist the information is useful. another way would be to have two running tallies: a plus tally and a minus tally. so a story could be rated... 50 people love it and 50 people hate it. which would be interpreted differently than a single score of zero. HOWEVER because the present system takes points away from a score it does have a built in conscience so to speak that encourages all but evil or careless people to carefully consider whether a negative click is called for. So i MAY actually favor the existing system even though it may not always provide an accurate measure of central tendency. Ill need to drink some more wine and think on it some more...

Great story. I found myself pondering the concept of soulmate if Nick had the ability to actually say no and chose to do so. I mean can you have an unrequited soulmate? Maybe if you are insecure and cant let yourself be truely loved then you can. But talk about frustration, - not unlike what a lot of us have gone through when the retarted object of our affection cant see we are the perfect choice. haha. Im sort of thinking that slutty Trevor could sort of fall from grace so to speak if he cant get over his pining. The sluttyness might be a sign of a weaker character, - or mere youth. Also wondered why poor Nick was not as beautiful on the outside like the other arch angels? cause he was born of humans? or will his archangel powers be so magnificent that his physical self is totally overshadowed. and since he is born of humans, is his lifespan or rate of growth the same? lots of questions and lots of possible directions. Again, good job enjoyed it. It does really want to be worked into a longer work. IMHO... ooops sorry i dont have any humble opinions. so get writing! Abrazos jeff