“You look overwhelmed,” a voice said behind me. I turned to see a welcoming smile and bright blue eyes against dark features. I was a sucker for creative facial composition and everything about this boy’s charming face was creative. His nose was slightly larger than a plastic surgeon would consider appropriate, but it fit his chiseled face and square jaw perfectly. His dark hair was softly fingered back, creating a flip that could easily be shaken off his face. And then the eyes. Bright blue, see right through you, eyes. Deep blue, dive right in, eyes. Piercing, f**k me gently, eyes.
This is my favorite paragraph in this first chapter! I think you did a fine job in description as well as what I will be expecting from the rest of the story.
Great start, its witty and classy. The character seems knowledgeable to his surroundings and you write with such style and heat. Makes me want to pour myself a glass of wine and hold out my pinky first.
Keep up the awesome work!
-Jamie