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joann414

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Blog Entries posted by joann414

  1. joann414
    When I first came to GA, I was like many others, looking for a good story to read, romance preferably and I found hundreds of them it seems. I scrolled through all of these authors, stopping to look at some that looked interesting and read some or all of some of the stories. Then, I got a little braver, read and reviewed and found myself in a world all it's own. GA has it all. Sure, most of it is gay M/M stories, but it has offerings for everyone. There's romance, fantasy, poetry, werewolves, supernatural, and stories of the author's personal experiences and lives.
     
    When I finally ventured into the unknown I found some great reading. So, don't be afraid to venture into other genre's besides your favorites. Some of these authors here at GA can reel you in regardless of what you think you like. I have found that I LOVE fantasy, especially unicorns. Suspense and Drama now catches my attention and last but certainly not least, I have started a story about the author's life and I am enthralled.
     
    So, all of that said, explore GA. That is so much out there to read and enjoy, show you life as you have never seen it, and make you appreciate your life as it is.
     
    Thanks to all that have taken the time to share their writing. Your fleeting thoughts that you jot down have made beautiful reading and your songs that you listen to that have influenced your writing is music to my ears also.
     
    Just a little rambling tonight.
  2. joann414
    The last six or seven weeks of my life has been full of chaos and turmoil, some good, some bad. Death knocked on the family's door, happiness greeted some, and a phone call just turned my life upside down.
     
    My hubby and I acutually sold our house and a guest house in the worst housing market ever five years ago just to be within fifty miles of my daughter and grandson. Don't get me wrong. We would not have had it any other way. They were use to having us close, and we were certainly used to having them.
     
    After five years of having our grandson every other weekend, and seeing her on those weekends, she called to tell me tonight that she had gotten promoted to a higher position in her company, but almost 400 miles away. I am deciding if I am heartbroken, proud, or in a fog. I just want them to be happy and be in a good place, and where she is being transferred is a much better place. Just feel like the world has stopped and my babies got off without me.
     
    Sorry to sound sad guys, but had to tell someone. My hubby is trying not to show his sadness and I am determined to be strong and happy for her. It is a wonderful opportunity for the both of them.
  3. joann414
    Handling Holidays and Grief


     
     
    This entry will be very wishy washy, telling things out of sequence, etc.
     
    I had an uncle that has been my grandson's babysitter at my house for the last three or four years. He was actually at the birth of my grandson. They formed a very tight bond, and of course he became ever closer to my husband and me. December 26th , he died. We were all devastated. His wife called me at work before 7 a.m. that morning and I could not leave, but his son and wife was at my house. I called my husband and told him to wake them and send them to the hospital but he died before anyone got there. I was beside myself at work, but I did not feel I could handle circumstances at home.
     
    Oddly, something happened that day that kept me grounded, on an even keel, and occupied my mind until I left that day to come home to his mourning wife and son. One of my dear friends here pm'd me, venting, seeking advice and solace. I responded to him, keeping my mind in a peaceful place, talking honestly and truthfully with him, putting my grief aside, making it possible for me to go on working. Then, one of my friends pm'd me asking me to read a short story of his, and beta it, giving my opinion. That took a couple of hours of my time, and by the time I got to leave work for the day, I was a lot stronger, ready to face the sadness and chaos at my home.
     
    It has been a hard couple of days at my house, wall to wall company, getting food together for the crowd, and I was asked if we could do a memorial service at my home, which we did. My uncle's only living sibling is a pastor, and he conducted the services at my home out on the deck. It was very simple since my uncle had chosen cremation and his remains would not be ready for 12-14 days. We displayed pictures and a few other memorable things that some of us had.
     
    I will miss him so much, and my hubby loved him to death. Three months ago, they were cutting firewood and enjoying the firepit, and a couple of beer together. This day was our last chance to do for him in life and in death.
     
    Life serves some hard circumstances and choices, but other things hands you moments to get your thoughts together and make it through the day. making it possible to bend to the verdict of an unexpected death.
  4. joann414
    When you start a realationship there's so much to learn, teach, and accept that if you have the right person, you will definitely know it.
     
    I was so lucky, and I wish it for all of you here. I like to write good things and i am lucky enough to have them to write about. At work the other day, my hubby called me and said," I had to go and get so and so for the plant. I was like, " You have already left?". ( we have both been working at the same place for over 25 years.) He said," Yes, but if I need to, I can turn around and come back. What do you need?" After 29 years of marriage, I am still his first priority and i am not going to lie .It feels damn good. When he said that to me it reminded me once again how lucky i am. I am proud to be in a less than perfect but wonderful relationship Nothing is a bed or roses, but always remember that no matter how beautiful the rose, there's the thorns to contend with, but that is also what strengthens the relationship.
     
    I spent the weekend with my best friend, came home to a spotless house, laundry done, and and attitude from him that made me know that he was glad that I was home.
     
    So for all of you that are always wondering, is he or she the one, I don't know if I really like them, etc. When you find the right one, these questions or doubts will not be there. You will know.
     
    Even though he is straight, he listens to me laughing at some of the stuff I read on here, i share it with him, and he enjoys is also. Be honest, share, and keep and open mind. I wish some of you could meet him because he is a very strong accepting and supportive person. I wish one like him for each of you.
     
    Just a little rant guys. Hugs to all
  5. joann414
    Miserable, Not Merry


     
     
    Yep, you are gone, and I am miserable. We had agreed three months ago to live together, you being the one that said we were the most compatible couple you had ever seen. Yeah, right, you fled last night when I said the three words," i love you". Sorry, you were not ready, but I was stressed, holding my feelings at bay.
     
    Fa la la la la is driving me crazy when in my normal life I would be the happy Christmas person lighting up other's lives for the holiday. So, if you choose not to be mine, I will be a ghost of Christmas past, or just a ship passing in the night. Whichever, I celebrate the time that we shared.
     
     
    Christmas EVe is my favorite night of the year, the anticipation of Christmas morn, watching nieces and nephews opening their gifts, and this night, I am thinking of you, wondering who you are spending this most wonderful night of the year. Not putting a guilt trip on you, just telling you that I wish you were the favorite gift in my stocking, waiting for me to run my hand down your being, acknowleding the fact that you are indeed my gift of the wonderful future that I envisioned for us.
     
     
    So for some reason if you choose to return in the near future, becoming the beautiful gift of the holiday, I will be so happy to accept you, my heart, my feeling of contentment, courage to face the day, and above all, the person that accepts that love that I offer.
     
    Not an ending, but a beginning for the two of us and if you have any doubt, look in the bottom of your stocking.
  6. joann414
    I have tried to write all of my life, school, my own entertainment, helping young students with essays, and piles of notebooks of stories that my Dad read every one of, from back to front. ( takes deep breath ) Hopefully, I can post this all at once.
     
    When my dad became ill for the last time right before Christmas in 1997, my family postponed the trip we normally made at Christmas to see my Dad through his surgery (amputation of a foot because of diabetes), and help my stepmom. I am not going to post the details of the surgery, etc. He lived only three days after the surgery.
     
    Two days post surgery dad and I were just sitting in his room visiting and talking about my siblings, past Christmas's , of course my mom( who had passed ten years prior). Out of nowhere he asked me, " Doodle ( his nickname for me), do you still write like you used to?"
     
    I told him that I wrote when I had time, or when something came to mind that I wanted to jot down.
     
    Well, he gave me this in our conversation, and when he finished, he told me to write it. I have never really had a place to share it until now.
     
    So, here it is.......
     
    Spring is the season of your youth. Everyday is a bright light beckoning you outdoors to greet the world around you. Your friends start to mold themselves into your life, your first pets become a friend, and you look to your parents for guidance and discipline. That part of your life ends in your latter teen years.
     
    Your friends weed themselves out one at a time. Some choose different paths of life, some change completely and are no longer a friend, some are lifelong, and some unfortunately die before their time.
     
    Summer, good old hot unbearable summer. You are in your twenties and thirties, realising you don't have to like anyone you don't want to, even your family. Although you always felt your parents were clueless you realise now they are pretty smart when all is said and done.
     
    By now you have found someone you want to spend your life with facing all of the challenges that are thrown at you. A child comes along and becomes the reason you exist, work, breath, or just plain get up for in the morning. You laugh when they laugh, cry when they cry, and help them form a bond with your parents, who make them their world now instead of you.
     
    Fall has arrived. Most likely one of your parents have died, your children are getting ready to leave or have already left home and you are beginning to feel useless other than getting up to go to work every morning, go about your doings at home, and getting a call from you children once a week if you are lucky.
     
    Finally you know that this is when you try to make your own life. Then you have a grandchild and joy has reared it head. Life is meaningful again for you, babysitting, buying for them and giving them love that you had let settle in your soul waiting for a home. You don't even think about getting older, just the addition of someone else to love and lavish your attention on.
     
    Yep, winter always has to come whether you love it, hate it, or just tolerate it. It is the time of aching joints, less energy, and deterioration of your good health. Everytime you go for a check-up there is another little kink in your armor. You can either lay down and wait for death or you can fight it daily, wanting to spend another day, another month, or even another year with your partner, your children, your grandchildren, or your little house dog that has become your best friend. He sleeps beside your every night relishing in any attention you have for him when he wakes from his sweet sleep.
     
    My Dad's actual words: " Doodle, don't dwell on the winter of life when you know that death is close, waiting for your soul to leave. Think of the beauty of winter like untouched blankets of snow that we would wake up to in the south so seldomly and thought were so beautiful. Remember the beautiful robins in the back yard in the snow that you and your brothers and sisters would throw bread crumbs to so they would have food. Don't forget how special a snow is in the south. It leaves us with many beautiful memories. Winter is not an end of life, but the beauty of life, sending us back to the memories of our childhood for our happiness."
     
    " Dusk is my season now. It is neither dark or light. I am in a place where I know I am tired and need to sleep but I keep fighting it waiting on one more thing to happen, like one of your brothers or sisters to get here, or maybe here your mom speak to me one more time." ( Again, mom had been dead ten years.)
     
    It was after three in the morning now as my dad spoke. With tired eyes he looked at me and said, " Go home. I love you and if I don't see you tomorrow, remember this as a beautiful winter."
     
    Those were the last words my father ever spoke to me. That is why I love winter and strive to make it a happy season. It is not just holidays, but in life it is the end of a journey.
     
     
  7. joann414

    Just a Halloween Ditty

    By joann414,

    I rang the bell of the house next door and heard someone bellow out loudly, " you little shits, I have no more.'
     
    Trick or treat I said in my sweetest little tone, he bellowed once again," you little shits go home."
     
    Glancing in his yard I saw a large pile of crap. I gathered it up gently in my little nurse's cap.
     
    Reaching in my plastic pumpin for a little paper bag, I emptied out the sweet , filling it again, while trying not to gag.
     
    Carefully winding the top of the brown bag gift, I quickly grabbed my nose, when I got a whiff.
     
    Taking out a lighter, I sat fire to the paper, laughing to myself at my own little caper.
     
    Yelling trick or treat again, I ran to the shrubs, and this time he turned on the outside light bulb.
     
    He stepped out the door, and ran out in barefeet, stomping on the sack, sqawling when he felt the heat.
     
    I creeped out the gate and I ran down the street and yelled over my shoulder, once more," Trick or Treat!"
  8. joann414

    Unexpected Sadness

    By joann414,

    Even though I live in Mississippi, I came from an even smaller town in Louisiana.
     
    From the time I was eight until the time I was 13 when we moved to Mississippi I lived next door to the baptist pastor, one house over from the church.
     
    Across the road from us, down the hill, there were a couple of trailors that young couples rented..
     
    Richard and Kay were one of the couples. Richard was a native of our small town that fought in Vietnam. He brought a new bride home with him that left him after three or four months in the states.
     
    He met Kay, a fifteen year old, fifteen years younger than him. She dropped out of school, and moved in with him. After a couple of years, they had a son, yet still unmarried.
     
    My dad and mom treated this couple like they were their kids because so many of the small town gossips gave them hell. My mom and dad babysat for them, and invited them for meals etc. Richard actually worked for my dad.
     
    Time moved on a few years, and Kay became pregnant again. The couple were still unmarried, sinners in many eyes, but my dad and mom still befriended them and their son.
     
    My older brother and my dad worked together, fifty miles away.
     
    One morning my brother came by to get my dad. They were having coffee with my mom when someone started banging on the door. It was Richard. Kay was in last stages labor, and he was terrified. My dad and brother ran across the road, down the hill to their little trailer. My brother said he kept Richard with him
     
    My dad delivered their little girl, and then called the ambulance. ( Did I forget to mention my dad was a medic in the Korean War, sans a med student at Texas A&m before being drafted. The war altered my father's path in life.)
     
    Now,, the rest of the story. My brother who was there during the birth of the daughter twenty something years ago called today. Kay was killed in an automobile accident, and Richard is not expected to live in a hospital.
     
    These two people were never appreciated because they never had a marriage, choosing to live together for over thirty years, more than most married couples. A small town is vicious, especially in the south. They were treated as low lifes but one of them came from a well to do family, but the other came from a working class family. It makes me angry to think back on what they were up against, but they still chose to live in that small town.
     
    My heart is heavy for each of them. If Richard makes it, he will be totally lost without his young partner for life. They had brushed out their life with a straw broom into the dusty turning rows of the south, accepting their place in life, only to have one of their lives snuffed out in seconds.
     
    Prayers for both.
     
    thanks GA for giving me a place to post my grief.
  9. joann414

    Read Before Entering

    By joann414,

    Well, I know I always talk about suitcase company and it is not just talk. Guests seem to like to stay overnight, and most of the time two nights. But, some of my family called last night to let me know that they would be at my house next weekend, staying until Wednesday. That would be a total of four nights. I love them to death, but they are the most complaining guests that I have. After getting off the phone with them, I starting bitching about them coming to my husband and how they complained about everything. He muted his television and said, " Quit bitching at me and tell them how you feel or post it on the wall so that they can see it ." So, I sat down and this is what I came up with, thinking of putting it right beside my back door so that they can't miss it as they enter the house. Tell me what you think:P
     
    1. This is my house, I pay the light bill. If it is too cold for you a night, wear socks to bed or ask for another blanket before you retire.
     
    2. This is a house, not a hotel. There is no room service available. The coffee pot will be available if you rise before I do. I cook breakfast when I get ready, not on your schedule. Eat some crackers with your early morning meds and drink juice. I have plenty of both.
     
    3. My dog is an inside dog. If you have a problem with that, then you are welcome to sleep outside. Sleeping bags are available and if it rains, you can sleep on the deck out of the rain. That will be no problem.
     
    4. If you don't have to pick your towels up off the floor to use them, then I don't expect to have to pick them up off the floor to wash them. Drop them over into the washer, or into the hamper. Very simple.
     
    5. Snacks are available. Feel free to open the refrigerator for a soft drink or juice. You are welcome to open the chips and dip on your own. I am not the only one capable of doing that.
     
    6. The television in your bedroom is for your enjoyment. Watch what you want, but if you are not watching it, simply hit the power button. Five televisions going at one time in the house is annoying even to me and my dog.
     
    7. Smoking outside is admissable. Throwing the butts down in the yard is not. Find a place for your butt besides my yard!
     
    8. You are welcome to the beer in the porch house refrigerators. That does not mean fill your coolers for the return trip home. Not only is that against the state law, but against MY law.
     
    9. The wildlife you see from my deck is for you to enjoy, not shoot or scream at because you are scared of a raccoon or a possum. Believe me, they want you to leave as much as you want them to.. Suitcase company annoys them also.
     
    10. After reading my little invitation and hospitatlity ditties, if you feel as if I have turned into the family witch, fell free to borrow one of my brooms and fly back home. If not, feel free to use one of them to keep the dirt you track through my house swept up for me.
     
    YA'LL COME BACK NOW, YOU HEAR?
  10. joann414
    So. I find it amusing at times the things I see posted at GA. There's so much knowledge here that some could get a free education. Before the Soapbox closed, politics were wide open. If you didn't know something, you probably could find it in the Soapbox.
     
    Next, I read all of the posts made by teachers. How wonderful. Where I live, schools are losing their accreditation, teachers are poorly paid, and students are beyond redemption. It makes me feel good to read some of the posts by teachers here. All is not lost.
     
    Then, we have the medical field. When I read the day in the life of someone in the medical field whether it be comical or sad, I know it's genuine. Bless GA for giving these caretakers an outlet. They need it.
     
    Then we come to the students. You guys are a joy to read. Studying today, worrying about tomorrow, but sharing your triumphs here. Keep it going. It's wonderful to see such momentum in our youth. I love to lend encouragement to those that seek it.
     
    After I read these posts, statuses, and sometimes pms, I feel a sense of peace. There's still a goodness in our society. Our community is a great outlet. Even though some of us have to vent our frustrations, so be it. There's someone to encourage your journey through life.
     
    I'm so thankful to be able to seek solace here. Others may condemn the gay society, but they haven't met GA.
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