Andronicus

I don't think you should sell yourself short on the story idea, Kevin. Don't look a gift dream in the mouth! It reminds me of Turn of the Screw and other stuff I had to read in high school and uni. You've got oodles of conflict, you just need to work out what climax it is your character is heading for, and what the back story is to the conflict between the murderer and the murderee. Maybe, like the apparitions at the bed, the murder turns out to have also been a dream, and the principal character ends up preventing the murder from really happening, thus "redeeming" himself? See, if you can get us thinking like this already then you're onto something worth developing. I say, go for it - with gusto!

Oh, oh, oh, ... I just remembered this one, one of my all-time favourites. Really sweet, much more romance than sex, and post-college-age: http://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/beginnings/copier-guy/

Yeah, I used to think the same way about my voice. But it's amazing what happens when you're around other people who sing well. When it comes right down to it, there are very few people who really can't sing. The hardest part about being in a chorus, for me, isn't the singing anymore, it's all the memorization (the VMC usually sings off-book). If I can do it, believe me, it's a cinch that you can. The reason I suggested you look into Houston's chorus is that it's an excellent way to meet a lot of gay men in a new place without going to a bar or club. There are loads of other benefits, too. And if you are adamant about your singing, every chorus has non-singing members who help put on the shows, do publicity, etc., etc. Like I've said, Kevin, sooner rather than later....

I found this quite moving (interview with the author of the original short story): http://www.advocate.com/news_detail_ektid23486.asp The current newsstand issue of the Advocate interviews Heath Ledger. Here is the link to the short story again: http://www.newyorker.com/printables/archiv...212fr_archive01 Edit: OK, the New Yorker seems to have withdrawn free access to that link now. BB is the last short story in Annie Proulx's collection Close Range: Wyoming Stories, published by Scribner in 2000. Amazon has it new and used. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0684852225/ I can't post the story here due to copyright, but I can get it to you if you can't get access to it any other way. It's an amazing read.

Given that and your behaviour at the wake, you seem to be subconsciously determined to out yourself before you move on! I sing in the Vancouver Men's Chorus; the boyfriend of one of my fellow chorus members visited rehearsal a few weeks ago and he sings in Houston's gay men's chorus. You could check to see whether they have a performance while you are visiting Houston. If you sing, there are few more enjoyable ways to meet people than joining a chorus. If you go to a show, as you watch ask yourself, "Could I do that?" It's not as hard as you might think, and way fun. If you're interested, google "Houston Men's Chorus," they'll probably have a web-site with concert dates and stuff.

Your determination to be a dad made me smile big-time! There is nothing like it (my two are 17 and 11), and I hope you do experience it for yourself. (Just a minute - got to pray that your future guy is like-minded.) While you wait for daddyhood, if you can't be an uncle to your friend's baby I'm quite sure that with an attitude like yours you will soon be an uncle or godfather or something to another one. I hope you do stay in touch with your friend after graduation, for your own sakes but also so that we get to hear the end of the story. My heart has gone out to you both as I've read your other blog entries about her. I am amazed at your forbearance in dealing with what must have felt like a rejection. I've long since stopped being surprised at the hurt that religious ideas can cause. I've been on both sides, because you could call me an ex-fundamentalist. I'm ashamed at the hurt that I've caused because of some of the things that I used to believe and the things I said and did as a result of those beliefs. By the very nature of things, I hurt most those who meant the most to me. What I would give to do some things over again! I have shuddered with recognition - and grief - as you have described the changes in your friend. I disagree with you in one way: You withhold criticism on the grounds that the changes don't seem to have hurt her. But I can't help but think that if she has lost her former intimacy with you then she has indeed been hurt. What you have shared of yourself here makes it clear that anyone who has your friendship is blessed by it, and your friend is depriving herself of that, or at least not experiencing it as fully as she might. And the same applies to her relationship with Kelvin. They are meant to share more than physical intimacy with one another. The heart intimacy I share with D is by far the most important to both of us. I want to encourage you to be patient. Your friend is on a journey, and may not always behave as she is now. Radical and unusual changes in behaviour are not uncommon when someone experiences a religious "conversion," but in time the person's natural sensibilities (and, dare I say, common sense) often reassert themselves, and a more "normal" blend of the new and old emerges. Thank God, that seems to have been the case with me. I became a believer nearly thirty years ago, and the process I've described is still going on. I hope you don't have to wait so long for your friend, Kevin. BTW, I cannot resist asking: What are your spiritual friend and her missionary-type beau doing that could have resulted in a pregnancy? And has she acknowledged this apparent contradiction? Last I checked, people who denounced emotional intimacy between the genders also denounced pre-marital physical intimacy between them .... M

Kevin, Having now read back through your blog, I really appreciate the generosity with which you respond to the people who post comments on it. I was thrilled to read about your mum's visit and your talk with her. Way to go! You are blessed to have such a mother, and it's apparent where you get some of your good qualities. Reading your reply, I'm afraifd that I may have conveyed the wrong impression in two respects: I hope that you didn't feel as though I was questioning your decision about who you are currently out to, or being critical of it in any way. Far from it on either count. You are quite articulate, and I completely got why you've decided as you have for now. My own coming out was gradual and guarded, and very much guided by consideration for the feelings of the other parties, so I have a lot of respect for how you've gone about this. My concern was if you were going to continue in the current mode for the long term (that path could well be marked "here be dragons"), and you seem to have pretty much decided not to do that (muted woo-hoo!). Yikes! I think you are too, and I really hope you didn't think I thought otherwise. It's just that I'm not sure if you would have stayed that way over the long term if you opted to stay rather than go. For many people the pressure of the closet is cumulative, not constant. My main point, and I should have stressed it, is that your likelihood of meeting a well-adjusted partner is much greater if you are living honestly yourself. To say nothing of the fact that the likelihood that such a person will see you as a potential partner is greater, too. I know some guys who simply won't seriously consider someone who isn't out, and for reasons that I quite understand. I guess I made that observation (originally and here) because I am decidedly in the camp of your readers who think that you are going to make someone very happy one day, and I'd prefer it be sooner rather than later. Your guy is out there somewhere, right now. That's quite encouraging, if you think about it. When I realised that for myself I started praying for him (actually praying for him, his well-being, not just that I would meet him), even though we probably hadn't met yet. We hadn't. Just before we met, someone told my fianc

Have you read The Human Condition? http://archerland.disbelieve.org/jfinn.htm...man%20Condition

Hey Kevin, You've been given good advice and I'm so glad you think you should go with it. I would be conflicted in much the same way if I were in your shoes (indeed, I was, when my own situation at your age was similar). One of my biggest concerns for you is that you feel you couldn't be out if you stay. You would either have to suppress your identity or live a double life, perhaps even lying to your family at times in order to keep up the deception. Neither option has much appeal, and both have the potential for much pain. I'm sure you've learned that already. It doesn't get easier as you get older, in fact, probably harder. I don't think I know anyone who is out who would go back in the closet if they could. The likelihood that you will be happy and well adjusted and that you'll find a partner who is the same goes up exponentially if you are able to live honestly. I hope that soon you'll be in a place where you can do that, while still staying connected to your loved ones. M P.S. Yeah - Canada's pretty cool. My fianc

Try the movie "Water," currently in theatres. It is about widows in pre-independence India, but is contemporary for non-straights, especially those who have experienced religious intolerance or persecution. Its central theme is the struggle of good people of faith who want to do the right thing and who are horribly restricted and oppressed through no fault of their own on account of largely unquestioned religious ideas founded in ancient holy texts. You likely won't get through it dry-eyed even if it isn't personal for you. If it is personal, you don't have a prayer. Try not to see it alone.