Comicality

"I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel. I focus on the pain, the only thing that's real. The needle tears a hole, that old familiar sting. Try to kill it all away, but I remember everything. What have I become? My sweetest friend. Everyone I know Goes away in the end. And you can have it all My empire of dirt. I will let you down, I will make you hurt." Nine Inch Nails...sometimes Trent Reznor's words speak to me, sometimes they inspire me. Sometimes they make me fe

Jamie is having a terrible time with his self confidence and his Uncle Frank gives him some advice. He eventually meets Eric that likes him back.

Click Nine: "Recover" An hour passes. But it seems to speed by in minutes. It is just enough time for some of the shock to have died down, and for the survivors to actually 'realized' that they have survived. In many different parts of the irreversibly damaged school building...thoughts are being gathered, breaths finally returning to normal. And the ones left alive release a sigh of relief, as their minds work hard and fast to restore the illusion of safety that they once took for granted.

Click Eight: "Aftermath" There were no words to describe the moment of collision. It was like nothing the modern world had ever witnessed before. People in other States felt the tremors And they were strong enough to set off car alarms and shatter windows for hundreds of miles around. To think, this was just a piece of the original 'Houdini 3' comet. Had it been the entire mass, it would have meant the end of life on Earth. And yet...to say that 'life' got lucky...would be a mistake. T

Click Seven: "IMPACT" It was something that Dorian had learned to both dread and enjoy at the same time. Even though the boys involved were 'faceless' as far as his affections were concerned, he couldn't help but find a cheap thrill in seeing his track team buddies getting undressed and watching them take a nice long shower before a meet or right after a work out. As Dorian waited for the last five to ten minutes to click by with the last bell, he fantasized about the wonderful sights he wa

Click Five: "Access" It was a simple twenty five minute walk from Giovanni's junior high building to the glorious Westlake High School campus. He was still two years away from officially being a high school freshman, but he looked forward to it with so much excitement that he could hardly keep himself still in his 7th grade classes any longer. He had gotten his first big taste of high school life when his science and math scores began to soar through the roof at Ballard Middle School, and s

"The thick smoke of human sins, rising every day, every hour, every moment, full of stench and horror before the face of God, and becoming gradually so thick as to form a comet, with curled and plaited tresses, which at last is kindled by the hot and fiery anger of the Supreme Heavenly Judge." - Andreas Celichius, Lutheran bishop of Altmark, 1578 It was first seen as this glowing light in the glory of the nighttime sky. This flawless pearl that just seemed to blossom out of

Man has always been fascinated with the infinite mysteries held in the dark skies above. That which lies beyond the stars. In our arrogance, we thought that out knowledge and our collected data had given us a true vision of what was out there. The truth is...we have no idea. We never did. Now that the impact has taken place...we now know that there is no 'Heaven' above us. Only 'Hell'... brought to us in a big ball of fire that fell from the sky. God help us all....

I call it the "Smithsonian Theory". I made it up in the 8th grade when our class took a trip to Washington DC and got to see the Smithsonian Museum. There were all these wonderful exhibits, so many historical artifacts. But they teased you by putting them right in front of you and telling you to keep away. So close and yet so far. They made it clear that I was never to touch any of it, never to hold it in my hands, or feel its smooth texture. It was just beyond my reach, and they dangled it in f

Ben's almost fourteen and he's the baby brother. His brother tends to ignore him. Ben develops a crush on his brother's best friend Joey.

"You look so NERVOUS! Hehehe! Don't worry so much, cutie pie! I'm not gonna bite you, Adam." I said, watching the shy boy timidly tremble beside me in the car. I lightly slid my hand up and down the inside of his slender thigh, listening to the hiss of him taking in air, trying not to gasp outloud. I wanted to keep my hand in constant contact with him. Keep him aroused, keep him hot, keep him from thinking too much. It had taken me a month of subtle flirtation, cock teasing, and emotional manipu

Dylan is a player and he makes some enemies along the way.

It had been months of planning and training and practicing and rehearsing...but FINALLY the wedding was almost here. My big sister was getting married to her high school sweetheart and my family has been a collective nut case ever since. The blessed event was only two days away, and our house was filling up fast with friends and family who were coming into town to see my parents' little girl walk down the aisle. The whole thing was a hassle to my parents, but a pleasant one. I can hear my mother

Nick's sister is getting married and Nick is stuck greeting people. It turns interesting when he greets Jordan, the son of his father's college roommate.

Now, this is definitely one of those stories that I think was maybe 5 or 6 chapters too short. I know that I do the same thing a lot when it comes to stories that are only supposed to be one or two chapters long, or something 'solo' for the anthology. Because I try to come up with this huge concept, and it doesn't always 'fit' into just one story. That's kind of what I see happening here. The concept seems to be a bit too big to fit into the chapters you've given us. It's like, you knew where you wanted to go, but were in a rush to get there. So I hope this helps to focus a bit more for the next time. (Hehehe, don't worry! It's not a bad thing. It's an easy fix once you learn to think from a reader's perspective and become aware of it.) The one thing that stands out is the sheer variety of details in some places, and a lack of details elsewhere. Setting up more of a balance might help. For example, when the readers are introduced to Calvin for the first time...that's the perfect opportunity for more detail. That's where you really get inside the head of your main character and put your heart into what he's looking at. You know that cliché moment in movies, where the guy sees the girl of his dreams for the first time? And she's moving in slow motion with some weird invisible 'fan' blowing her hair back...hehehe, as though anybody just randomly sits around making sexy poses in public. Anyway, that's how your readers should see Calvin for the first time. Beautiful. Breathtaking. Untouchable. Definitely go all the way and put them in the middle of that magic moment. What does his hair look like, what do his eyes look like, describe his skin, his neck, his clothes, whatever. How does your character feel what is he thinking about him, how is his body reacting to seeing this beauty right in front of him? All of that is a great way to finesse the writing and really make it shine. Paint that picture like Michelangelo. House painters 'get the job done' sure, but you're creating a masterpiece here. I know you can do that. Also, the history that you built around him and his past were there to add depth, and their interactions were fine, but I felt that that too went a little bit too fast. I tend to overdo the 'angst' thing sometimes myself, so you don't have to go that far. But I think a bit more time getting to know one another and fall in love is always a good thing. Even if it's just creating a few romantic moments, or a few everyday conversations and shared laughs, really help to build up an emotional investment with the characters. So, once again...your concept is great, but slow down and let it evolve naturally. No need to jump forward to get to the next big scene, you'll get there in time. Give the readers some time to experience a little mystery and romance while absorbing the rest of your story. One of the other things that I noticed is a lot of other details that didn't necessarily have a future impact on the story later. That's always something to watch for. It's always good to take notes and make sure that you know who your characters are, what the big plot points of your story are going to be, and have at least a semi-detailed idea of how you want it to end, before you start writing. That way, every time you introduce a new character or have a certain event take place, it acts as 'foreshadowing' for the ultimate end of the story. The big example here was the character, 'Marcus'. The boy in the bathroom. You did spend time giving him a bit of a back-story and a personality, but then he vanishes. So that was almost like a quick distraction. NOW...if the blood sacrifice was taking place, and we all discovered that Marcus, the poor little boy that was picked on by everybody and dismissed as unimportant, turned out to be the only one who could stop the carnage, and he rushed in to save the day...then that would have been different. Because then the readers could think back to earlier in the story and say, 'oh yeah, because he saved him from getting beat up a few chapters back', and a connection would be made. Always make sure that the characters you describe and introduce to the reader will be a part of the story's natural progression. If you can tell a whole story without a character's involvement, then cut them out. 'Jesse' can be a fun character to write, but if he's not a part of the major plot, either cut him out, or cut his parts down to little pieces of dialogue or comic relief. Like I said, you built a big concept with teachers and 'Chosen Few' and demons and love interests and you have a whole history there to explore...but for a story this size, you might have to cut down on the characters and just focus on the two or three that have the most impact. OR...like I said in the beginning, you could go all out and really stretch the story out with details and a huge cast of characters and turn it into this epic, multi chapter, saga where you can explore everything that you want to explore fully, and without limitations. Either way, as long as you're still focused, you could turn it into one hell of a series. Just needs balance. So there we go! Love the concept, but I think you would do best to either expand on the details and make the story longer, or cut down on the overall theme. The only thing I can see wrong with it is that you seemed to have gotten caught in the middle somewhere. If you want, send me an email after the holidays and we can go over a few scenes together to talk about finding that balance. Cool? And keep writing! The more practice you get, the better you'll be. I mean have you SEEN "New Kid", Chapter 1??? Ugh!!!

I'm still reading more chapters of this story beyond the 5th because I'm really interested in seeing how this one is going to turn out. So kudos to Darion for that, because you 'got' me. One thing that I noticed about this story, and I notice this with a lot of others as well, is a few missed opportunities for those extra details that could really put a gloss on a story. Because there's a depth and a lure there that you could really take advantage of with just a FEW more paragraphs per scene. Right from the very beginning, the first thing that entered my mind was, "Whoah, Darion could have TOTALLY 'milked' that wet dream scene!" (So to speak! Hehehe!) To start a story off like that is already a huge 'pull' into what's happening. Readers might respond to that. But don't be shy about it. Stretch it out a bit. Doesn't have to be pages and pages long, but a really hot description of a blowjob fantasy at the beginning of a story would definitely get people to lean forward in their chairs and want to know more about what's going on. Even if it's just dream. Definitely explore that a bit more. The feel of the lips, the tongue, what is he thinking? They're little details, but it's like...seasoning your food in a restaurant. Fix it just the way you want it, and make it as tasty as possible. There were a few things that I would also love to know more about, and I'm not sure if you went more in depth with the explanations in the future chapters, but I figured that I'd mention them here. Reese is very cool character, and he's great. However, I was looking at the interactions with his mom, Chantel, and Dad, Mike...and I was curious as to why they were even together. Because his mom comes off as being sooo incredibly sweet. And his dad comes off as being really selfish and mean. Which, individually, both characters are realistic enough to be believable. But they seem, to me, like they would be oil and water as far as a relationship is concerned. Especially one with a teenager involved. It's not IMPOSSIBLE, but I'd love to know some more about their dynamic as a family unit. I think I was a little thrown by that. Also, you mentioned that Reese's mom and his best friend both knew about his sexuality. Now, again, that might only take a paragraph or two to explain, but there's an opportunity for even more depth there. I, as a reader, would kinda like to hear that story. How did he tell his mom? How did Jason react to it at first? How did Reese get the courage to do it, or was it just a matter of finding the right time to say it out loud? That piece of the back-story, I think, will make him an even more developed and well rounded character. How he sees his own sexuality and how 'open' he is or isn't about it could be a complex part of the story if you weave it in there just right. (Oh.not sure if you noticed, or if I just read it wrong, but I believe in Chapter 4 somewhere you mentioned that Reese's mom DIDN'T know about him being gay. But I thought she did earlier. So you might want to check that out. I either got that wrong the first time or the second time.) Diego! Sounds VERY cute! Hehehe! Another part where using a bit more details could make him even more lovable and even downright sexy! Just starting with the act of boy watching at the mall...that's brilliant. That's another character trait to explore. It's not just the act of boy watching...but HOW he boy watches, that will tell your readers what kind of boy watcher he is. What is this hormone frenzy like for him? We've all done it before, so tap into that and bring it to life. What is he attracted to? Is he staring at cute hair, pretty smiles, and bright eyes? Or is he staring at bulges and bubble butts? Maybe both. There's a whole scene there that you could add with him checking boys out and commenting on what's cute about them in his mind. It's something that all of your audience has done before, so they'll be able to relate to that. And it gets them even more involved in the character and the story itself. I would also dive much more deeply into that first meeting with Diego. DEFINITELY go further with that! I know that you're developing him as a character as you go along, but that FIRST initial meeting...I would seriously devote some more time into letting the readers know more about who he is. Take some time to make him beautiful to the readers the way he's beautiful to you. Like...you mentioned them meeting, and him being cute, and him giving Reese his number. That ALONE could be an entire chapter in itself. With those first few awkward attempts to talk to a perfect stranger, then leading to them warming up to one another, maybe finding out they have one or two things in common. Let them smile at each other a little bit, maybe even flirt a little. Those moments in life are golden. Explore them to the fullest. And then...right before they go their separate ways...the anxiety behind asking for another boy's phone number...and actually 'getting' it...and the joy that follows! You just got the number of the hottest boy in the mall, what does that feel like? Write it down, put it in the story. The readers will get excited if YOU get excited. So, like I said, I'll definitely read more when I get a chance, because I see the story leading into different directions that I'm curious about. But I hope this helps! I think you have a great idea going, just remember to see each individual scene as it's own story, and fill it in with as many details of beauty and grace as you can pack in there. Visualize it, put yourself in the moment, and then explain it for everyone else to share the moment with you. You've got the draw, they're giving you the attention, all you have to do now is put on a show.

When a teen boy is targeted by a group of vampire for a feast of blood, they will discover that it was a mistake to leave him for dead. Now crossed over into darkness himself, 'Cylance' will do all he can to find his killers and exact his revenge. But can he do it before the dark powers within consume him completely? Or will he succumb to the evil and ultimately become what he despises most?

“Rest easily, young one, for I’ll always watch over you. I’ll always be there for you. And whenever you need me, I’ll be there,” A soft, young voice said to me. It was fairly masculine, as if it were a boy just becoming a man. I know I recognized the voice, but for the life of me, I couldn’t place it. My eyelids fluttered open, and I took in my surroundings. I was on a bed, in a small cramped room. My body felt as if it were on fire, my nerves screaming in agony. My head pounded and my eyes h

As we stood watching the retreating backs of Katrina and her men, Orion pressed his side against mine. Dutch was pacing around, muttering to himself. “I tell him to stay away from the kid. I tell him to keep out of Katrina’s way. I tell him to keep with the flow, not disrupt anything. So, what’s he do?” He turned to Tariq and Rachel. “What’s he do? He grabs the kid, gets on Katrina’s personal hit list, and, in perfectly clinical terms, disrupts the ever-loving fuck out of everything.” He sigh

No voice from some sublimer world hath ever To sage or poet these responses given: Therefore the names of Demon, Ghost, and Heaven, Remain the records of their vain endeavour: Frail spells whose utter'd charm might not avail to sever, From all we hear and all we see, Doubt, chance and mutability. -- Percy Bysshe Shelley; (from) Hymn to Intellectual Beauty That evening, in the safe house when I began to wake, we were still like that--fac

My victory in the white room over Sneed, by far my least favorite person here, brought short lived relief. Before I got back to my room, after getting lost along the way a couple of times, I was intercepted by Dixon. Apparently because I had an impending assignment, there was less time to become reacquainted with "field tactics" than I hoped. The next hour or two were spent landing hard on the mat in the gym after being thrown every which way possible by Tariq, who is certainly not my first choi

It began with the pounding of a severe headache, throbbing mercilessly behind my eyes. The harsh reality of a pulsating migraine that seemed to come out of nowhere at all. It hurt so badly that I could 'taste' the ache in the back of my throat. I felt like I was spinning wildly in place, but I knew somehow that I was laying still. Maybe it was the whole world that was spinning like this instead. Disorienting. Bewildering. Where am I? How did I get here? What's going on? I can't make sense of

Spin off of Gone From Daylight. It is a round-robin story with many of the authors listed here and new authors contributing a chapter.

It was the steady and soothing motion of the red line train that massaged both me and Alec into a deep sleep that night. A big part of it came from the exhaustion of running the streets all day long, and that allowed us to sleep through the invasive symphony of constant noise that surrounded us all night as we moved from train platform to train platform. Especially around 2:30 AM after all of the bars let out and the party-goers filled up every available space around us. What is it about alcohol

It was taking a lot longer than usual to get Alec out of that toy store, especially with my weird friend here egging him on. I tried to satisfy Alec's curiosity by allowing him to see as much of the store as he wanted to see. I figured he'd rush through most of the stuff and get bored after he had seen it all....twice. But, dammit...that place seemed to go on forever. Floor after floor after floor full of toys and games, each one taking at least a half hour for his excited little legs to race th