Comicality
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April 8th - Well, Simon came over. Stayed a while, played some video games...then he left. Sighhhh....he left. I don't get it. What did I do wrong? Maybe I showered too much, who knows? I know what it was...this STUPID shirt! I wore blue today. I shuld have worn red! STUPID! Red is the color of love, EVERYBODY knows that! Red would have brought out my brown eyes and contrasted my dark hair. I'd know that if I was more 'gay'. I can't believe I screwed ths up today. So he comes over with me
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April 12th - Well...I think that I made a HUGE mistake, asking Sam to back off on the 'mystery girl' search! We were at the Hill yesterday, and I tried my best to simply dismiss him from the task of digging up more info by making it look like I didn't care. Well, it seems that he took that to mean that I was getting depressed over not knowing who it was, and now he's going to be working TWICE as hard to find out! Ack! I just want him to STOP! I don't want a girlfriend! Please, please, PLEASE
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April 15th - Do a few really GOOD cheap feels and an 'almost' kiss count as a sexual experience? I don't know exactly WHAT it was that we had, but I got more out of Simon than usual. And yet, not NEARLY as much as I was hoping for! He came over as planned, and headed right for the video games as I expected him to. (We had been having this discussion about who was the best at Resident Evil. BIG mistake! That game takes forever, and it took up most of the time I had to...to...you know...seduce
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April 18th - Brandon. You know, sometimes I can loo at him with such an everyday gaze, and not feel so screwed up inside. But...other days...I feel completely baffled by him. Confused. It's so weird to be taken by the feeling so suddenly, sometimes in mid conversation. And I find myself totally vunerable in front of him. But it's none of the BIG things that really catch me off guard. It's the little details. Little things. Like...all of the sudden, I'll notice just how brightly those hazel ey
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April 29th - Well, Jimmy came back to school today, a clearly visible black eye still shining bright under his left eye from the fight last week. Ouch...that thing looked like it really hurt. And he could sense everyone staring at it too. You could tell by the way he kept his head to the ground all day, the way he walked and tried to hide his face as best as he could. Not that it would be possible without a 'Phantom Of The Opera' mask on or something. That's just gotta suck. I wasn't ever
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May 2nd Tomorrow is the day! It's the day that Simon comes over and I try to find the courage to jump him and grab that sweet loving ass of his that I've been waiting so anxiously for. And now...I don't know if it'll be possible. And why is that, you ask? Because I have an infection in my life. It's called a wannabe GIRLFRIEND! Arrrrgh! You know, these things shouldn't be HALF as terrifying as it is for me right now. If I were straight, I'd be doing backflips and jerking off ten times a da
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May 11th - The strangest thing happened today. I mean, apart from the fact that my closet life is teetering on the edge of this bottomless pit, and Joanna is constantly poking at me with a stick. Still...it's the weekend, so I can't completely blame her for much of anything can I? Anyway, it's GOOD news...sorta... See...my mom decided suddenly that she wanted to have this huge 'Lifetime' marathon on cable today. And if you've ever watched the 'Lifetime' channel...you know exactly what it's
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May 8th - Sam approached me today, obviously at the end of his restraint, and finally asked me what the hell was wrong with me. He practically shouted it out in the middle of the hallway. Another wall closing in on me in the whole situation with Joanna. He says he's been holding back, wondering if I was just being shy, or waiting for the right moment, or whatever. But he couldn't wait another minute. I didn't know what to say. What was I supposed to say? Welll.....I KNOW what I was SUPPOSE
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May 5th - Like I didn't know THIS was coming! Well, that's it! it's over! It's ALLLLLLL over! I talked to Joanna in the cafeteria lunch line today. It wasn't anything special really, but she knew what she was doing. And she's not being that much of a chicken anymore either when it comes to me. I was standing there in line, ready to get whatever slop they were dishing out for that day, and she walked right over to me and started gabbing away like we weren't on display for everybody watching
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May 14th - So...I talked to Sam today. I was trying to find an easy way to ask him to help me with...'girls'. I didn't want to seem entirely clueless, but I did know that even though Sam ha yet to have a steady girlfriend himself, he's a lot better with girls than I am. He's my strongest link to the heterosexual world, so I figured that I should take advantage of that while I can. What surprised me was how excited he was about the whole thing. I mean...he was really happy. I guess I didn't
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May 20th - Do you know what Sam told me today? He says that he doesn't think Brandon likes him much. Those are Sam's exact words, in fact. It struck me as odd, because Brandon likes pretty much everybody. Well...at least he 'seems' to. I've never really seen him mad at anyone before. He's always bbeen one of those quietly cheerful people that doesn't let anybody bother him. According to Sam though, he hasn't been so friendly lately. Basically the whole story was that Sam just got a negative v
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May 17th - Well...I guess it was to be expected. Sam wanted details today. LOTS of details. He actually wanted them last night, but I didn't answer the phone when he called. I guess I just didn't want to get too into it at the time. But I couldn't avoid him forever, so I caved in and agreed to meet him and hang out at the 'Hill'. I think he was more excited than I was. He was practically bouncing around on his bottom when he heard that she had kissed me on the cheek. It's not like I hiked up
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May 23rd - Well...I think I might have made a big mistake today. A BIG mistake! And I've pretty much been kicking myself all night until this very moment when I sat to write this down. Sighhh...well...I might have fucked up things with Simon. I KNEW I shouldn't have pushed too hard! I just KNEW it! You know, he asked to come over again today. He was looking so damn cute today in school that I could hardly stop staring. I was super horny, and just...I just wanted to be with him, you know? I wa
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Here you will find the very private diary of Billy Chase. Occasionally updated as he lives his life as a closeted teenage boy. This is his life, feel free to peek in from time to time.
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I've been looking back on my life lately, all 14 years of it, and I realized something...I'm never going to be free of him. His name was Dylan, and he's been the apple in my eye for a long, long time. I've loved him my whole life! I can't even remember not being madly in love with him! Every word I've ever spoken was secretly laced with his name. Every dream I've ever had was blessed with his gorgeous face. Every minute of every hour, of every day of my life has been devoted completely to loving
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A boy's first kiss and a little more
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I remember the very first day that I noticed him in 'that way'. It had never occurred to me that he was cute, or sexy, or beautiful before that hot summer afternoon in June. I mean he had been my best friend for almost a whole school year at the time, and at 13, a good best friend is all a guy really needs. Sure I had sexual urges at that point, but none I really pursued, or even understood at that time. To me, sex was just a few smut magazines and some dirty whispers in the locker room. But tha
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Kenny Clark has a crush on his best friend Brandon.
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"Eric..." they used to tell me, "...You're gonna be some heartbreaker when you get older!" Well, here I am at fourteen, and I don't feel any sexier. Either they were lying, or the whole thing is just a fluke. I mean, I used to think sex appeal was overrated anyway. I've spent hours looking at every girl in school throughout my whole childhood, and I never saw one that made my 'liver quiver'...or any one of those other ridiculous sayings. Not that they didn't try liking me. I was actually voted b
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Eric, a 14 year old boy, falls in lust with Jake. A quick little story.
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Wil and I have been friends since we were in the first grade. Wil and Tommy, that's me, we were like Batman and Robin, Laurel and Hardy, Bill Clinton and that Lewinski chick! We were inseperable. I remember it like it was yesterday...I had fallen off of my tricycle and he came over to dust me off. We used to do everything together, from throwing rocks, to jumping on the beds, to playing with sticks...you know, all the things my parents said not to do! We even went to the bathroom at the same tim
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Wil is gay, but Tommy isn't gay, or so he thinks. This takes place in the same school as "New Kid In School".
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Out of all the little fast food jobs and yard work jobs and the wonderful world of 'Retail Hell', I thought that waiting tables in a little restaurant in the suburban downtown area would be an easy gig for this summer. I only had my senior year left in high school, and then I'd be long gone. Hopefully to college on the other side of the country where my parents were comfortably far away. Not that I disliked them. No, not by any means. But hey, at 17, every guy starts looking to get a little bit
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Jesse is a 17 yr old gay guy working as a waiter when the restaurant hires a very cute new boy named Nick. Interesting things happen.
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With it being so hot everywhere else in the office that day, it was a refreshing change to sit down in my boss' office instead. It seemed to be blessed with an air conditioner that could instantly reach 'arctic' temperatures with just the flick of a switch. That mixed with the slight perspiration on the surface of my skin made for a very relaxing sensation. My boss, Mr. Renfield, was looking over some of the book selections I chose for possible publication, and he had just called me into his off
