rickproehl

Sirs and friends i going to wish everyone a good night

I hate the heat .. so I hope you are staying cool

we did macaroni and spaghetti sauce meatballs and garlic bread for supper and salad.

molly best part of the day is when supper is over and you can finally relax. My day was ok for Monday so I’m happy

Push, twist, pull it seems so simple we all do this everyday I open bottles all the time except when it meant the most I failed I had a date circled on the calendar it was 33 years ago it was both my birthday and the day I planned to escape my pain. I didn’t have anyone to support me my father and mother both hated me. I was there but I wasn’t there if they spoke it was to tell me I had did something wrong or I was not important. They always demand I did things for them. Cut grass / run errands. I’m the one that would clean the place for a party but never got invited to it. When I looked in the mirror I didn’t like that person he was Gay - ugly - overweight - I was told over and over I was no good a loser so how could I be anything better. I felt alone in a room full of people. I hated my life - I hate me - I wanted it to end. I started small a pill here a pill there and they added up I thought I had enough to finally ease my pain. The note only said “I’m sorry I disappointed you” that was it nothing more or less. What could I say at that time I felt like I had let everyone down. I was ready I woke up on my birthday- no card or cake. I’m an adult it was ok I was full of pain it really didn’t matter after today. I told my parents I was going to a party, yes a party of one. I drove my car out to a nature preserve I love it there it was so peaceful and calm. I turn on my radio and found some music to listen to as I drift off from my pain. I watch the sunset and thought this was a good day. It was time - Push, twist, pull it seems so simple all I had to do was open that bottle. I tried with all my might the cap would not budge no matter how hard I tried. Push, twist, pull it seems so simple my hands were shaking and I was getting upset. I had 1 damn job to do and I couldn’t Push, twist, pull and in my rage I took the bottle and thru it out the car window and would you know it busted open all over the ground. I sat there and cried and cried. I stayed there all night and I look in my rear view mirror and in that moment I knew I need help. I spent 5 years with a Doctor on my problems. I’m finally had to have a talk with my parents before they died. We cleared some air and things got better. I am now ok with my self I have lost the weight and I finally came out of the closet at work and the people I hadn’t told before. So I sit here thanking my lucky stars that some one, some how I never open that bottle. I have kept this part of my life private and locked away so deep. I didn’t want anyone’s pity I felt so ashamed. I know now I have nothing to be ashamed of. I didn’t keep the note, I didn’t need it, I burned it the fireplace until it was gone. Those words still haunt me in those times of darkness. I know have thoughts of encouragement and hope so it does get better. So please if you are reading this and you find yourself in the situation I was in ask for help. There are people that won’t judge you for anything you have done. So it does get better believe me. I have come to thinking that “why take a permanent solution for a temporary problem”. Why now you asked I feel it’s time. rick

Interesting Good? interesting Bad?

Sirs and friends I found a pic that I want to share - I have found to many shared experiences for this DiC chat room to be random.

molly i agree that type of meeting is so boring. If is power point give me the hand out and I can figure is out.

molly the training is web based and we are at our desks in our phones in a group conference call. So it should be ok we are going to iVue from omina so learning new “terms” and ideas. My best training is give me my log in and let me have at it - I’m more of a hands on person. This training is more web base and we have to do exercises and pass that and go to the next ones. So I’m looking forward to it. molly so things going good for you? Did your kids start school ‘this is the first week of school here which seems so early when we went to school it was the Wednesday after Labor Day no change.

tim i love this quote. So thanks for sharing this. So how goes your day?

molly it should be working on new business software training.

A that is a good uncle job so have fun and think of this trip as research, don’t spoil them to much.

Sirs and friends my wish for everyone is to have a good Monday and a great week.

Michael Sir oh no - this is not good - you have a good night Sir

Sirs and friends i hope everyone had a great day. I’m off to bed so to everyone GOOD NIGHT have a great Monday

Night and the kids are cute at that age

molly - my favorite Audrey Hepburn Movie is - Breakfast at Tiffany’s

On Netflix binge watching - Another Life (sci- DiC) on showtime - Love Simon - my new favorite movie.

Sirs and friends I hope that everyone had a good day. This was a day of rest for me. I watch a few shows on Netflix. hi - How was your day?

Fae i hope things have gotten better for you. It’s never a good day when you hurting.

Mac Sir Yes the bond between us has grown stronger so I’m glad those barriers are gone. thanks for listening and have a great Sunday.

that sounds like a good time friends / food / family time.

Sirs and friends my wish is everyone have a joyous Sunday full of peace - love - and joy. Hi - How is your day?

molly I agree with you in this picture.

Fae Thank You - for me it has been a game changer- I was so careful in what I said or did not wanting to reveal my secret - but the moment I shared was wonderful. My world has open up and I finally had a few honest talks with people at work. The one I use all the time is when asked the question “when did you choice to be gay” with out missing a beat I ask “when did you decide to be straight” and with just that simple question I have changed some minds. Yes it does get better.