Krista

Yeah, maybe a fair warning just in the off-chance these two didn't get along. Which they don't really... but they're not sworn enemies either. If dinner was a reward for finding and bringing Joel safely home, you best believe Gavin would have him found and delivered before Celia had the first pot primed and ready to start cooking.

Yeah, he's just now seemingly getting access to being around people that are willing to accept him fully. He may love his mother, father, and older brother, but he did so knowing that he couldn't with the expectations that they'd accept him fully. It is going to take more than one conversation, one declaration, and a series of evidence and promises for that to sink in.

I don't think he'd harass Rissa, but I can't say that she wouldn't harass him. Lorianne does seem okay. She scares the hell out of him, but like the comments do me, I don't know if there is anything that doesn't scare the boy at this point? Who knows...

No, but maybe in time it can come out on his own terms... and when he isn't pressured. So far, he's either had his truth spoken for him, or he had to as a last resort out of fear of bad history repeating.

Thank you for this. I do not read a lot of poetry, I know very little about it. And yes, it may do him a little bit of comfort to read this poem. At the very least, it could guide him through some of his torments, to see that he's still strong, and can rise above things again. He does need to believe in himself.

It didn't take long for that to happen did it? One little glance towards Lorianne, or friendly gesture and there it was. Having to make jokes that didn't include him. Maybe being tired of that is some sign of growth? He still went along with it, but he didn't like it. He didn't want to settle in that 'easy' place. He's angry at the sameness. Maybe Roy does have a friendly face. And yeah, that talk with Coach Finn did overwhelm him. He wasn't as ready to have that talk as he thought he was. Also, maybe it would have went slightly better if Coach Finn 'made' him try out? The, "history," comment bothered him as well. He was given a spot solely based on what he is 'known' to be capable of doing. He had to work and prove himself out at Tempton, and he was put on a sudden pedestal with a team that he didn't know and in a mindset to where he couldn't possibly see himself being at all functional on the field, let alone expected to create similar successes when he was in a better place. I mean, if you're going to do that to the boy at least give him his number.

Believe me, I am well known for not titling things right. In fact, I think I made Wildthing title this one for me. Blame him, I know I'll be doing that after this comment. Thank you for an early gift. I've never had a reason to keep lying. As the lies never stuck to me my whole life, they were brought on by stupid moments that was better ended with an apology or better judgement to begin with. I don't know what it is like to feel like I'd have to lie about something about myself my whole life and being in the mindset that in order to protect myself, that's just how it has to be. So, for all of you that have had to do that... I've tried to write Joel in that light, but I've not had to wear those shoes.

Some people are just guilty by association and/or history hasn't been all that favorable with them. Roy probably hasn't ever been much of anything to Joel. But Jonny has, and public allegiances are rather weighty, especially in smaller schools where that's a lot more obvious. But, Joel also noticed Roy for an entirely different reason well before Jonny Lundst was an issue. So, there's that too. And, Wildthing and I had a very deep and long discussion about Joel's 'hardline' with his number. I must admit I took a lot of liberties with this based on my own experience. My number is retired at my school. No one else can wear that number, it is hanging in the rafters, and one of my jerseys is framed and hanging alongside the other retired numbers. I would not have given it up for anything. And yes, it is a number, but that number represented what I built, the standards I set, the example I was, and the level of excellence that I was able to achieve throughout the years I played varsity basketball for my school. I was given that number after I successfully tried out at the age of thirteen for the varsity basketball team, and I carried it for six years of my life. The only person I would have ever allowed to wear it is one of my children if they wanted to play basketball for my school. I went with it being his grandfather's number, to give some semblance of importance to him. But it is very much his number as well. It was the straw that broke him in that moment as it was something else that he never thought he'd lose, gone.

Yeah, the Rivalry between the schools seems to be 'the' rivalry that spans across all of their sports teams. My school also had a big rivalry and I know without a doubt that if I had to join that school that I would outright refuse to play. But now, it is so weird here with sports, that you don't even have to be in the county/city/district to attend and be eligible to play. It is a lot less restrictive than it was years ago.

When I read this the first time, my first thought after reading the last sentence was: Ouch. "Which fictions he chooses to maintain..." yikes. But still, damn, so poetic. School being its own sentence also summed it up perfectly. We all remember the mess of that. And yes, baseball does seem to have been something that he felt most himself with, it would be rather sad for him to stay in his own way about that. It seems to be where his mind is headed though, unless something changes.

Aww. Way to make this evil author feel bad for Grady Roy Mason. Now try with Jonny Lundst Jr. lol. Bonus points if you throw in the unintentional hero bit we're running with. Seriously though, Roy seemingly also has had his whole world changed for him... and his only fault being, he was loyal to the wrong idiot. But, even if Jonny is heavily flawed and a going-nowhere idiot, he still vouched for Roy and kept him safe. Would you guys read a story titled: "The Redemption Arc of Jonny Lundst...?"

It does suck seeing his fear overshadow the warmth of Celia and Trace. And yeah, if a therapist could get him to talk, it may do him some good. But, Celia and Trace haven't really gotten much out of him. It took him seeing his old house coming into view from a distance and knowing he's out of time before he ever opened up to Celia. He was rewarded with love for that. But that's one of the rare times he's done something that massive and got a good outcome. And he's coming from a place that wasn't on the surface that toxic of a place. He has good memories of home, but we're starting to see there was also some deep rooted fear and apprehension there as well. It was something he thought wasn't 'that' big... as he still defends them, especially with how they are with Cody. And no, there's not been that much time. Life hasn't waited for him.

A flipped number, ick I do feel for your friend. It may seem small.. a number. Unassuming. I'm also not sure if Joel would take that route, if that meant he had to explain to a lot of people 'why' he needed special consideration. But, it is also possible that he's laid enough groundwork that this year and the missing of it, doesn't completely hinder him. Baseball in general doesn't give out a lot of scholarships, unless they're well backed and well funded with deeper pocketed universities. Him outright quitting a whole season would reflect rather poorly on him though, especially without a real and clear cut reason as to why.

He seemingly has survived the first day. It was a short, not-so-deep kind of first day, with everyone settling in. But, he also bolted. I wonder how long before Trace and Celia are told about him just running off like that... small towns and all that.

Yeah, a lot of his convictions are coming from a negative place right now. When that happens, we tend to make a mess of possibly good things. I just hope that I've not overdone it.

This is the comment that made me think that I've unintentionally put a lot of weight onto his Grandfather, a character that we don't even know. I don't even think I've given him a name in the writing. But, I see him now. There's so much of him in the writing as it progresses. But yes, kind of makes me sad that I didn't intentionally put more of him into the writing, but I also can't remember where or if the grandfather in question is still alive or not. So there's that too. And yeah, Joel has had to make a lot of quick decisions. He's made a mess of a few of them. But they were decisions he didn't see himself having to make. And he's still having to make them not knowing if he's even okay with the decisions he's already made. It is a but of a loop he's been on since that night. He's had to make them through loss as well.

Arguably, there's also been people in his life for almost eighteen years that's shown him time and again that he needed to be careful, that meeting them more than half-way is a step too far. His own mother and older brother being the most glaring examples. And maybe he's his own worst voice in the mix of all this. There's conflicting voices and ideas at war in his head and until one of them win out... we don't really know where Joel is going to land.

You're perfectly fine feeling the way you do about Joel. I do seem like I'm defending the guy. But, I don't set out to write characters that are universally likeable. I don't like writing them in "golden" scenarios to where there's more weight in comfortable universal thoughts. I knew going in that Joel was going to be exhausting for a few people. That he's going to do and say things that's going to annoy people and make him seem selfish, or at fault. I think that gives him a lot of humanity. If you've ever read, "The Best Year," then you got a good dose of me going out of my way at attempting to make a character unlikeable for a large stretch of the writing. I wanted people to be tested on whether or not they will ever think that asshole Jackson was worth their time and trouble. It is also true that hurting people hurt people. They mess things up that bystanders will look in at and wonder why or how a person who had that right in front of them manage to mess it up. He's done that a few times in the writing. At least with the example you provided, it was inward, he hasn't lashed out on poor Roy too heavily yet.

Yeah, very much still under a month in the timeline. I get twitchy knowing we're twenty chapters into this story and so many words in.. and not even a month in... You do make a point though. We wouldn't be telling Joel to get over it if his family had all died tragically and he was the only survivor. We wouldn't tell someone how to get over their fears or grief in that moment. We most certainly wouldn't be doing so in less than a month of that happening. Joel's family is still very much alive. His world 'is still' three counties down. He just can't go back to it, not in any way that would be healthy for him. There are some elements of self-inflicted roadblocks there, but they're there only because he is hurting enough to keep them there.

Baseball was a safe area for him. Some place where all he had to show was how good he was at it. How the people around him are all on the same playing field. He had nothing to prove to them. It was a lot for him to lose that too. He kept himself at a bit of a comfortable distance with his teammates as well though, but it was comfortable. We saw some of his high moments and rock-solid memories as well. Hitting a game winning double, defeating your biggest rivals in the post-season. That had to have him feeling a couple miles high that night. He does have to do it on his own. I also can see how he could have lost himself in the process of all this. He lost his family, his school, he's worried about losing a legacy he's built since he was thirteen-ish years of age. Before that if you count learning the fundamentals that built him in little league. He definitely doesn't like being linked romantically to Lorianne, despite that possibly being something that he could settle behind. But, it is a very precarious thing to do... as it would be yet another lie. Rissa... I'd be scared of her.

It would be such a twist if he was never actually gay and was just having this bit of a curiosity streak because he got caught up in a pair of brown eyes that was completely unexpected... and decided one night to see what that could look like? Then have a nosy older brother with bad intentions sell you completely out for it... It is human nature to self-sabotage, we've all done it. He's had to crawl back from his rock bottom though, it isn't easy finding new level ground again.

Yeah, there's some small hints here and there that does seem to point to him being good. He's played Varsity baseball since the 8th grade. He's won district and regional post-season things. He could still be a bit of a big fish in a shallow pond, but the colleges within the state 'have' to know who he is by now, they've had enough years to notice him by now. But.. has even thought about that? I'm not sure that he has put a lot of weight to that idea.

I had an aunt always saying: "Don't stress yourself out too much, it'll give you wrinkles." Joel: