Krista

I don't think you'd like a story where I wrote their college years. It would only be interesting, in knowing the ending, right? They're happy, safe, sound. There are some transitions within the friend group. Heather and Toby didn't make it as a couple. Connor and Olivia didn't make it. Toby and Olivia are secretly dating. Simon and Charlie surprisingly made it. Somewhere along the way Cindy comes around and accepts Luke's choice in Jackson, and semi-okay with his sexuality. Grace has the twins. Oliver and Tara join him at the university of Georgia. Oliver first, then Tara later. We know Oliver and Tare end up engaged/married. We already know what 'has' to happen. What we don't know, is 'how'. Was it messy? Did Luke and Jackson break up at any time, then reconcile. There are hints that their summers were full of sex, partying, togetherness in the last chapter. I think it would have to be messy though, right? Distance is a challenge and the relationship is deep, but new. There's a promise and certainty that also hangs over them, to marry. That promise between them could keep them reconciling through the mess... but will you be interested in reading a mess? I say mess, because Jackson has lived in a world where everyone knew him. He 'thinks' everyone likes him to a degree, except for the people he doesn't care for or respect. He carries a lot of confidence with him because of that. What college means for Jackson though, other than Luke, is a blank slate. He is a nobody. Swimming isn't like football or basketball where the players come in with their names already known. He is not used to that. He will have to navigate isolation at first. But that navigation is also very much pointed in a conflicting direction - a big one. Like having two North's on a compass. That's Luke. I honestly don't know if I could get back into his voice for a story of that nature. It would feel very different, I think.

I know you excluded parents, but Henry is my top tier character in this story. He is my number one. lol. Thank you for reading through this story. Luke and Jackson being one and two is nice as well. Some people get a bit annoyed with protagonists, especially in first person POV's because of their actions/reactions throughout the writing. Jackson being second, because I challenged people who read his character, is nice. I wanted to see if I could write a story worthwhile with a protagonist that can be a bit difficult at times to like. Charlie slipping into third is interesting. I think if I were to ever expand this story and branch away from Jackson/Luke to write a story based on a different character it would be him. He's cheeky, he's a bit narcissistic, he has no filter. Simon struggles at times to deal with his energy, but we also know Simon and him stay together despite the differences and distance between them. He's also more elite of an athlete, I see him getting medals in olympics. I also know I don't have it in me to write those swimming scenes anymore. All the unrealistic tension that I created around it, plus trying to reconcile it back to plausible realistic outcomes was a stressful way to go about it. But I need the tension, otherwise I'm writing endless paragraphs about a dude mechanically swimming. Or no paragraphs of him hopping in and out, winning or losing. I don't know if one can fade to black a sporting moment, it would read horribly, I'm thinking. Anyway, sorry to ramble. I also saw that Tara was missing and she was also a favorite of mine. If this were a heterosexual story Tara would've been the choice. Jackson certainly liked her. If I were an evil author, Oliver would also be in the running during the college years as a temptation. *whistles* Probably a good thing I didn't write the college years.

Yeah, poor Olivia.

Oh, I stand corrected. I think you're now officially the president of that club. I remember there being some people who privately reached out and told me it wasn't realistic for Luke to be the bottom. I think they were working with the stereotype that Jackson was this hyped up on energy jock-type, so he couldn't be the one bent over. I wrote him as someone confident enough to try when Luke wasn't... and he ended up liking it. Sex to me is never in shades of black and white, I think it shifts. I mean I know it shifts really, as we become more comfortable with sex. And yes, there are strict tops and there are strict bottoms in M/M relationships. But I like to show the experimentation of learning personal preferences with sex, I don't want to slam a door just because someone acts a certain way or the writing is screaming at me to write them a certain way. Luke to me never presented as a full on bottom, or top. He presented as a person that wasn't comfortable. Jackson presented himself as someone who was overly comfortable, but only in a world he has control over. I don't think Jackson questioned himself as often as Luke seemed to, he liked the kiss. He liked Luke. They continued to kiss. I think at most, he said a "guy wasn't in his plans..." a few times, and that he didn't know what that made him. I can't remember really, this story is a bit old for me and I'm removed from it. If it wasn't such a daunting read, I'd want to someday sit down and read it, but I also need to be writing. Neither screamed raging bottom, though. At least to me.

Since I went into the writing of Jackson for him to read negatively, even through rereading so you know what to expect, I'll collect the win in 2026 too.

I would be too. Welker is the softest of kittens by comparison, if I'm remembering correctly.

You may be moving up in the ranks... lol. There were some people that were like... "WHyyyy, Luke's an obvious bottom... why did you do this?"

Because he's just Jackson and most people don't change, they remain on their own... for the lack of a better word... spectrum. We may adapt, we may accept things differently, soften, change our minds, etc... but there's always bits that makes us who we are. I didn't want to change that about Jackson just because he's showing growth. Growth isn't linear, it's a mess. Also, Jackson getting into trouble was fun to write... lol.

I think I know what we're talking about, without me skimming the reading/comments. I think I remember surprising a lot of people.

Good luck! I find I need to forget 90% of something that I've read, I'm good until my brain starts to remember all the smaller details that I'm reading the story for in the first place... then it's like... "Krista, we've already been through this...."

Well this is a good example of the AI I use to give me editorial assessments of the chapter being a hypocrite. Not only does this over explain everything, it is too formulaic, slightly repetitive, and over explains the limited emotional scope it attempted. So, how dare it tell me that I over explain something my writing is already telling the reader. HOW DARE! 🤯 --- Seriously though, unfortunately this first part is as far as I can go with it. I couldn't get further than a few paragraphs in. It reads as someone writing extremely early in their understanding of writing. Knowing that it is AI generated, I can't forgive it like I could a newer author. It is formulaic, because it is drawing from billions of sources. When it does that, it only works in trend results. It will always feel formulaic at it's baseline. What scares me, you can then correct it. You can tell it to try again with specific parameters in the sections that feel out of place, obvious, or otherwise over told and clunky. You can argue that eventually the time it takes for the human prompting it to do something, probably could've organically created something similar. Not the point. AI's are built to be tweaked and advanced, based on 'user' feedback. It is the most parasitic thing in that regard. The more you give it, the more it can throw it back at you. For example I gave it 5 examples of my writing. 5 different chapters from 5 different projects. Then I told it to write a couple paragraphs in my style. It copied my writing style. Not to the letter, but enough that 'most' of it read like me. The theme, presentation, structure, and some writing elements is what made it seem 'off,' but I could also go in and easily spot edit those things, read it again, and not feel as much of a divergence. Mind you, I did this with an AI that I did a Free 3-day trial with, so it was more advanced than the "free" stuff. People who are lazy with AI can create this. People who systematically can use it more freely can do something a lot more thorough and more aligned with organic fiction. Especially if they're paying for higher-end functioning AIs. That's the scary part. That's the part that authors need to fight against. If you broke portions of this writing down, told it to clean things up in steps, edit it yourself, then the product is cleaner, it's better. And the argument then becomes - is it no longer AI generated, despite being the product of an AI's baseline creation. I am going to say that it is AI generated, even if the author edits 85 - 90% of what it generated. That is opinion though, and opinions only hold weight in the voice it comes out of, no one else has to listen.

N*Sync Fanfictions you say. That's what my little fourteen year old self and my friend started reading back in high school. 😮 I could've read something from you, but back then I was so young, I didn't want to leave an e-mail/comment as I knew I was dealing with very adult people. Although, I was firmly all about JC - voice wise at least for that era I still am, Justin was produced into fame, JC had the voice, but not the production backing. I said what I said. There was actually a decently written one, or at least to my undeveloped fourteen year old hormonal brain it was anyway. I actually still remember the title. I don't remember sex in it, it's a longer story called, "JC's Hitchhiker." It got a bit strange in the end about kidnapping plots/blackmail, and such that totally missed the tone of the beginning and middle parts. Even my young eyes read the words and thought... "this just gave me whiplash.." There are times you made me gasp and wonder... "did I just piss this man off and he have the nerve to say this?" But I am also well aware that I am blunt, I pick at people, and I use words like knives. So yeah, it is more or less I get what I give. It made me laugh when you discarded names and said mean things about characters in the comments. Even that humbled me a little, because I saw your point in the joke. And I gave a certain character by the name of Five a lot of long-winded rants. But I've never read him in a character or story before. He upset my 'romance' lens entirely. I must admit though I did not read very many stories, or discuss with other authors much back then. I typically stuck to the Chatroom and Lounge. I was managing my own stories. I think I quietly read a few people like Dom and ShadowGod. The site was a bit restrictive back then as well. Before the archives, I think we were forced to interact with authors through forum posts, PMs, and such. Some authors didn't have forums, "Hosted," did, that was a perk - which got very cliquey and vicious at times. Otherwise, everyone else were competing to have their stories and their discussions of them visibly accessible. I don't think my Promising/Hosted forums ever had much of a discussion in them, I wasn't the best at communicating either, especially with readers. The Chapter comments addition that came with the overall Archives rework likely saved GA's viability. I'd have to confirm that with Myr. Other sites that adopted GA's former stifling practices and didn't transition to a more expanded communication platform struggled or went away. I was banned from AuthorsHaunt, because I didn't fit that clique when they were at GA, so I can only be bothered to say, "well bless their hearts."

Well if this isn't predictable. Another deadline, another story started. Another deadline missed. Or... did I miss it? 🥸

I don't think your happy place in creative writing is romance though. I would joke and say filth. But you seem to operate effectively in a happy medium of a lot of themes. I struggle and want to place romance where there may not be room for it. So, I am firmly a romance writer, or a writer that relies on romantic elements to complete themes. If you just had them fondling one another for all these chapters, the rest of your story carried the weight. I'm not sure my stories could carry the weight without the romance. I'm not convinced. Me not being convinced is why I'm struggling with, "Ellis," as I do not see it as a romance, I want it to be a break from it anyway. I'm doing that with a different short story, that's now almost 15k in words.. so not so short anymore. To me it feels like the most.. 'do nothing' story I've written.

Samesies.

I'm glad you ended it where you did. A romance author probably would've ended it two chapters ago. You ended it where you needed it to, so that's the only way it should have. Now if you would've killed either one of them off, then mayyyyybeeee I would have disagreed.

I mean, you could take him on as a mini-series, to see if you can convince us that he's worthwhile. People can change, but convincing people is an entirely different set of obstacles. The way you treated Ethan in this story, is someone who is complex, but at a severity level that makes him feel untouchable, at least for me.

The last three chapters felt like an ending/conclusion sort of series. These two chapters we got to see action heavy, then consequence and aftermath from the action. The one before them, they romantically entangled themselves, committed themselves, and concluded their Romance arc entirely. As a romance writer and a romance reader, I felt that conclusion a lot more than this ending, where it was wrapping up the light-mystery elements, it was nice, but it was bloody and violent. I tried so hard to not be spoiled by comments before I could engage with these last two chapters. The mystery unraveled itself in the chapter prior to this one. The Aftermath packaged it into the ending. It was done with care and realism, it wasn't sugarcoated, and it wasn't filled with cheap unearned platitudes that weakened the story. You avoided pitfalls. The ending was strong and I liked the realistic consequences. I didn't see the hope in Percy's story in his ending. He is still functioning on 'loss,' a loss that will be carrying him for a really long time. That aftermath is not going to be pretty. The hope I have for him, is him being able to lean on the people who obviously love him. That he can find a redefining moment in his life and find pleasure, happiness, and value within it. Right now Percy doesn't feel valuable, as he placed his value on what he could get out of baseball. Five seems a lot more structurally sound in the ending, so there is where I feel more hope for them both. For me, I always held Percy as the character with more weight on his shoulders. The ending only added a different weight, it didn't alleviate any. It is real, but reality hurts. To me, the second and possibly more interesting story in Percy's life is beginning, which can be scary and hopeful all at once. I'm not sure what your plans are for Percy/Five or any of the rest of the Glacier Bay characters are, but the biggest unknown now is whether or not Percy can come out of this life altering event. It won't be pretty, but it could be beautiful or horrendously tragic. I'm wondering which route you'd take if you were to take this on further.

I went into Frosted Hearts after reading Jason's short story, that interested me in continuing with the lives of some of the characters involved in Glacier Bay. Although you don't need to read anything to dive into this one, this story and these characters stands alone as a slice of life not-so Christmas, Christmas story. This story we get more in-depth with Percy and Five's friendship that's lasted most of their lives. Competitive as they are with one another. They decided to blur lines and up the stakes. Silliness came along. Antics that made me roll my eyes, but keep reading, because I had to see what else they could possibly do. The backdrop being they were living in a guest house, waiting for a remodel and to get everything squared away for Percy's Grandfather to host their annual family Christmas celebrations. What should've been rather boring for two college aged guys, that month of preparing and house-sitting turned into a fast-paced, energetic story that kept my interest throughout. There is a lot of depth in this story, both characteristically, and nuanced that adds layers to the writing and lifts it. The Characters were so engaging. I do recommend this story.

No triple cross. It was almost set up so perfectly for Ethan to triple cross, that I was convinced it would happen. Then when the brain injury sentence entered through my eyeballs, I knew it wasn't going to be that. The reach his Grandfather had, seems legitimate, but a still a bit fishy. At least this contact had connections worthwhile. He sounds attractive by the way, this man in white. Back to what I said about their athletics, I think both of them are done, at least as far as collegiate competition for Five, the hearing loss would require retraining, then there's still lasting neurological issues at play that would require lasting therapy. He could still aim for next year, if he had more eligibility, and since swimming is a performance based individual sport - even in relay you're picked because you're individually excelling and have the space in your schedule for the training requirements. He could still have a future if he wanted one, I'm thinking. Percy though, will have to come to terms with the loss of his sporting career though. The elbow takes a lot of the wear and tear. A chronic blister on a finger can end a pitcher's career. A reconstructed elbow with tendon, muscle, and bone damage. That ROM restriction and constant motion would cause him a lot of pain, too much to be consistent enough for pitching. Logistically speaking, if that was his pitching arm, he is done at least at the majors. He might be able to handle situational pitching, but even those pitch counts can get high and wear/tear extensive. I know that's not the point of the story. But yes, I do wonder how Percy will find himself since he's always put so much weight into baseball and that's where he's put his heart for so many years and didn't want to provide space in it for much else. This is a very person defining thing he will be challenged with and he's showing signs of spiraling. Five will need to do a lot of heavy lifting... and up until the last... three-ish chapters, I didn't think that was at all possible. It may not be, it is difficult to see someone spiral, it takes a strong will and open to pain sort of person to stick with someone who has lost the willpower to save and/or sustain themselves until they can reach for higher than that. Five has shown evidence, or at least an emotional attachment strong enough to give it a go. Ira tried so hard at dying, that he did die. You would think both him and John would have given up and shown some self-preservation. Even if they all knew 'who' he was. You can't keep your stolen possessions if you're dead. Running seemed the more logical step, but the man just couldn't be bested, and his psychology in thinking he was thwarted by three 'cocksuckers' made him stick around long enough to end his life. Ethan got what he deserved as well. Realistically speaking. He'll also need a good surgeon to reconstruct that nose of his. Maybe this will teach him to pick up better dating and sexual habits in the future... one could hope. That sort of behavior won't get him any favors in prison, I don't think. I am glad you wrapped this story up with both physical and emotional consequences at play. It wasn't beautiful, and that works a lot better than if you bent and force fed us until it became more so.

So, Ethan is just a mentally unhinged weird little filthy perverted squatter with messed up family. The man would keep a therapist in business all by himself, my goodness. Good doesn't outweigh the bad with him, there's consequences that he will face despite being a helpful unhinged perverted squatter. I wonder how bad Ira and his homelife is that he risked all that to stay in the main house and stalk around the place like a horny ghost. All the kinky stuff is so off-putting, but we all saw it coming didn't we? I do wonder if there isn't a "triple cross..." at the end of all this. He wants rid of Ira, thinks Percy has a good chance of blowing his brains out for him. John seems to be a follower, the BDSM being more psychological than kink, he 'wants' to be a follower and those people are dangerous when they run into someone like Ira who is a psychopath that likes money, but apparently not working for it. If Ethan wanted Five, he could certainly abduct him now, he doesn't have Percy's protection anymore. Or, if he wanted Percy, then Five is weak and unarmed. The threat from Percy before they separated likely wouldn't have changed that trajectory of thought, since we've already seen Ethan as consistently forward thinking. I still don't know which one or possibly even both, Ethan wants as far as Percy and Five go though. I cannot escape the feeling that he so convincingly lied to Ira, his own brother well enough for him to consider trusting him enough to protect their backs. That's where you stick the person you trust the most, your blind spot. So, either Ira is a fool, or Ethan is a convincing liar. Could be both. Either way, a lot of information came out rapidly through the action. Even Gramps isn't all that innocent either, people with a lot of "reach," seldomly are. Percy and Five both will suffer in their athletics after this though, the series of injuries they both had are the types of injuries that in Percy's case can be career ending. Which would be a shame, I think he did enjoy baseball and had goals. He was too afraid that his sexuality and any sort of lasting romance where he had to try would be in the way of that. With Five, concussions and the mental anguish both of them would suffer after all this would be something not easily overcome. Sports are as much mental as physical. and yes, I know I am months late. If you thought you were rid of me, sorely mistaken.

Honestly, chapter fall-off from the first chapter is normal. The blurb, title, something drew the reader in enough to click on the story and then the first chapter. But it wasn't to their taste, so they didn't continue. It happens in every creative space. The first chapter is also like the front door, front doors get the the most traffic, right? They're older, so their chapter counts will average higher. It isn't a knock against anyone's writing, either. People have tastes and reading tendencies. Something about the blurb/title caught their attention, but the first chapter didn't fit their reading tastes so they don't move on to chapter two. In other media you see this as well. Short-form gets a lot of traffic, where as longer form media doesn't if the content is similar in nature. There are some outliers on some of my stories that doesn't make any sense, but they're older stories and I know that issue has been addressed, as there was bot traffic skewing the viewer numbers. You say it doesn't happen elsewhere, but I wouldn't know what that looks like as I only post here at GA. There's a lot of content to be had here, with a lot of members that may be more willing to browse stories. If the general membership numbers are the same with vastly different viewer counts, it may come down to something different with the demographics or what themes are popular on that platform. As far as views go, I only get concerned when the rate changes significantly. If it takes a lot longer to get to average, which averages are down for my stories significantly. It does make wonder if the content or progression of my story is an issue, but since I'm not prone to large sectional rewrites and story changes, it will be what it is and I'll have to accept that. Factors that may turn people away from your story: Taste A slower, less hooking first chapter. Inconsistent posting schedule. Themes. Adult romances and Coming of age Romances seem to be more popular than general dramas. Content Tags, some content tags may not keep readers if they don't exactly match the content on a significant level. Example: If you're expecting a story with "Sports Star," but the 'tag' that brought the reader isn't significantly featured, you may see a drop-off. That also may blanket hurt you as well, if people see a lot of tags and the stories don't necessarily represent those tags, you may lose reader trust. Lack of engagement from the author. Some people just come along and read, they might leave a reaction, but if you see someone leaving comments and you ignore them, then they might stop. Rating: It is a double-edged sword. Some people want mature content, others do not. POV: Some people like First, some people prefer Third. Some people hate when POVs are swapped and there's multiple narrative voices. The best we can do is write what we like, place it in the world and hope, but there are definitely some things you can do as an author to help keep readers engaged in your writing. Like I said though, the only thing that concerns me is when I post a chapter and it feels significantly slower at reaching average than prior chapters. Or, engagement falls off. We have a great group of readers that stretch themselves rather thin with all the content they're reading that actively engage with the authors. It should feel symbiotic. It should be 'more' than your writing that engages with them too.

My stories are wholesome, the comment section was filthy, tsk tsk tsk. He's the prince of filth.

The man really put the word 'looser' in quotations.

Told the story before: Nifty, found Dom's "Desert Dropping," saw the linkback. It took me a wee bit before I decided to become a member. Started posting my stories on a clunky little posting thing called: e-fiction. I stayed because people actually provided feedback, both constructive and praise on my stories. Then I progressed to being promoted. Twenty years. I've seen a lot of transitions and growth spurts. They all seemed to make sense and better the function. I complained about a few of them. I think the only thing that I haven't done here is become an Administrator, which shows that Myr does have at least some sense in never allowing me to have that much responsibility. The forums have always been the most active, which is another reason I stayed. People wanted to communicate with one another instead of being all inside their own little bubbles. Even more so than the Yahoo groups that were popular around the same time. oh and @wildone showed me a bit of grace when I needed it. I returned the favor by torturing him, of course.