Krista

Lol. I do hope y'all continue with me. My biggest fear in all of this is that I'm going to post something, a chapter that's going to have you all throw your hands up, wash them of me, and move on to greener pastures. I may write for myself for fun, but I share it here for the engagement with you guys. I am aware that some of the things that I have written, said, some of my discussions, opinions, etc have led to some of you to silently walk away from me and stop reading. I do miss that engagement. Maybe I need to be a little better at extending olive branches whenever I see that I've done something like that.

Whenever Joel reflects on his former life, I do get emotional. All those simpler carefree memories he has before hormones, fear, and true self-preservation took some of that away from him. He remembers a great life, because he had one. He took the cost of his fear in hopes of preserving that life. He was determined to protect it, despite possibly not living the fullest life he could at the moment. He wasn't ready to let it all go yet... I don't know if he ever would have. Then it was gone. He lost a loving mother, a supportive father, an older brother that he may have had good memories with until Westley found other options that left them at odds, and he had a close relationship with his younger brother - maybe because he lost that bond with his older and didn't want to ever do that. He had goals. College, baseball, getting out of his shell a bit more... Then his fears became his reality and he couldn't rise above it. I don't know what it is like to be suicidal either, but I know from a friend who attempted that it isn't an easy u-turn back to a better path. It may have been a moment based on a crashing world around Joel that led him to that thought... but it was still there... he opened that door and let it in. There are things you don't come back from, not right away, not whole. Joel might have to start building from scratch and he has to do that still in fear of losing what little he has keeping him grounded on his feet. Celia and Trace, the Connleys are not the family he wants, he's said that a few times. Despite that, he's not willing to lose them either. Fear is powerful.

Cody holds a lot of power, yeah. I don't know that Cody is aware of that fact, hopefully he does... because that means he has felt the close bond they've shared. We hope that he's fighting for Joel, but we also hope that he's still being allowed to be carefree and a child... the more I think about Cody the more sadness I feel for him, even though I did the writing months ago now. I'm seeing it play out differently enough for me to feel things that I possibly didn't put a lot of true weight to when I wrote the story. I guess that's a gift that GA offers with a closer Author/Reader engagement.

Aww. Y'all are making me feel rather protective of Cody with these comments about this chapter. A war not of his making... Also, I see Westley fucking up trying to tie his shoes, yeah. lol. I think they were planned. I think they were planned because they wanted to build the 'perfect' impression of 'family' then decided that perception was overrated and they wanted free of it... they just didn't know what to do with the outcome of that. Gavin says as much, that they were part of the plan that became too much work for them. It may be an honest truth of their situation, or just his opinion about his parents... either way, Gavin spoke the words and Joel has no evidence that tells him that Gavin is wrong in saying them. Colt may be a little of both, or neither... we'll see. And true, dysfunction is in all corners... unfortunately.

What's the boy done now? 😮 And, maybe. There's only so many ways this trip can go... I mean, sure there are a lot of possibilities. I don't think Zombie apocalypse, alien invasion, etc are in the realm of possibilities... but I also wouldn't say 'never.'

Thank you!

Maybe Colt will stop being just as closed off as Joel... maybe they can bond. Do they have that in them? We'll see... maybe they both need a calm peaceful serene silence. A small escape from the pressure... Do we know what sort of pressure Colt is feeling? And from who? Or has something happened with him that we're going to find out... 😮 I'm sorry, I know I'm overplaying the 'coy' hand with these comments so far. It is the mood I am in... it seems. "still some semblance of love there, even if there isn't enough..." how much pain a person has to feel in the knowledge of those words being true for them and the person they held nothing but love with.

Choice. Word of the day, I'm thinking. There's too many things coming at Joel all at once, something has to give... something has to overtake everything else. The pot has to boil over eventually... Just hope the guy is ready for it to.

Not even fit to own a goldfish, but they have two kids instead. These days ipads and kidstube are raising children. At least these two have the decency to not parent across the globe, instead of across the living room. Small victories??? And yeah, I think they've probably said those exact words to someone. They need to say that to their children, at least so Davin and Gavin can realize where they stand with them. Gavin I think knows, Davin is the one that needs to feel the impact... at least then they can move along. Being a mother, I can't understand these characters that I've created... I guess that's part of the reason why I did.

Posting twice a week the few times I did it nearly sent my poor Editor into fits. For his sanity and mine, I can only promise once a week, which has been rather steady by comparison of how I used to post. I think one time I went 4+ months without posting between chapters. My Editor and I made the decision to split the longer chapters up, because it gave us more time to edit. A grace period to stay on schedule, for us to work together on smaller portions of the writing while we both dealt with real life. In the beginning, we were four or five chapters ahead of the readers, but roadblocks and real life will always win out with these things. We lost that buffer, and I could pause the story to make up that lost time, but I don't want to do that either, not unless we absolutely have to. I would love nothing more than to give as much as I can. Know that I am making an effort, I promise.

In my defense, I'm only on chapter 8. Splitting up all these 20, 25, 30, 40k word count chapters... I knew there could be a cost to that decision. And yes, this chapter was also split. It is also safe to say 'something' has to happen in the next one, right? Maybe? Surely? And I still cringe that we're 14 chapters into 3 and a 1/2 days of his story. I am well aware of that fact.

He is frustrating himself as well. He isn't blind to what he's doing. People usually are of two minds, emotional and rational. When emotional is winning, when rational needs to be, then you have this outcome. He has been told how Celia is, witnessed it first-hand. The Rational side of him is probably frustrated, but the emotional side won't allow him to breach that divide. It is a very difficult tug-of-war and it isn't easily resolved in one's mind. He will be there, however long it takes. He needs to feel safe in his own skin, before he can allow anything else to matter. Celia has shown him grace and patience. She hasn't faltered in that.

Aww, thank you! Thank you for reading and leaving a comment as well.

Bought and paid for spies, I'd say. They get paid no matter who cleans the house, why not complain to the ones doing the cleaning that two wild boys keep undermining all their hard earned and paid for work... 😮 it would be diabolical if that were true... I truly hope it isn't. I think Joel has realized that maybe Colt, Davin, and Gavin aren't the best company to be around when they're heading face first into getting wasted. And, it is around Noon, surely even they have some restraint... maybe? But Colt did invite Joel, seeing that maybe Joel needed an escape for a bit as well. Is that progress? Lol... hmmm... do we 'really' know what Celia's way is?

Easy smiles. They can hide so much behind them, can't they? Looming heavy, life changing decisions... who wants to live in those? Not a whole lot of people relish them, or at least I don't. He's had to make a lot of them, still has some to make... in a span of less than a week. At least one, thankfully, didn't have a chance to be made. I never really thought about the pressure on Cody. I mostly lived in the loss he's experiencing. There is pressure on him too, now and a lot of it. Maybe some of that pressure, Joel had shielded from him over the years. Now with Westley still being Westley and Joel out of the picture... Cody doesn't have that buffer. He's young... maybe the pressure hasn't touched him yet. Colt is acting out... or reacting. Either way, tension is building there... and now Joel is with all of that.

Brotherly bonding made me smile... lol. A conversation would be good, yes... any conversation. I also don't know. Well I do know, but I also don't.

or, it will be a cluster-eff of awkward silence mixed with odd looks? It could go either way, I'm thinking.

I woke up to a bang, blinking, I shot up out of the recliner. I felt the sleeping bag fall away and when I looked around, the living room was brightened by natural light. Davin was still asleep, but I heard him groan, he had slid all the way down and onto the couch cushions sometime last night, his feet still planted on the floor. “What are you two still doing asleep?” Gavin asked as he sauntered into the living room, and I grimaced as I watched him walk behind the recliner. He glanced in m

Maybe someone needs to tell them that their sexual tension can be cut with a knife. I don't think they're aware... 😮 Do they have sexual tension? Are they supposed to? I'm the author, I should probably be able to answer those questions. There 'is' some tension between the brothers, but I think it has more to do with Faith and Gavin's release of tension than anything. Or maybe not. Maybe they're just going through a cycle of unrest... maybe they'll get back to their banter just as easily as the tension came... twins tend to do that, and we as un-twins have to deal with that, I guess...

Sorry for the delay in these responses, I've been away. Taking a bit of break to focus on family, work, and just overall home life for a bit. I needed it. I do love and appreciate all the comments and support y'all have shown me with this story so far. Thank you.

Thank you! Yeah, the timeline is still like three-ish days, give or take a few hours, to a half-day.... who knows we're thirteen chapters into this baby. But, yes... it is a short span. A year would be a short span for something like this. Hell, five years. When your world is turned on its head overnight, you don't recover from that. When you lose everything you've tried to protect... both to keep, and because you're afraid, you don't simply come back to yourself. Joel will 'never' be exactly who he was three days ago. Right now, he is no longer a loved son. Right now he's not longer a baseball player. People may see that as a good thing, because they 'hope' Celia and Trace can help him... but three days in, he doesn't know that. I do like the twins, whilst writing them I did struggle and hope with fingers crossed that their voices were differentiated, but similar. That I gave them their own organic feel instead of a walking, talking, and fast eating mirror of one another. It is a balance in making the sameness of twins who are similar both in looks and in personality... but different as well. I wanted to do them that way, because my twins are not that. They do have similarities, as in they like to be close to one another, prefer the same classrooms for classes, etc. But, they are different. Very distinctly different. The twin dynamics are still there... as they age that's become less so, but I think that has more to do with one of them being male and the other female. Aww.. Lacey might feel a little lost in the shuffle of things. A new person in the house, a crowded house usually, her brother might have put in a bit of distance since the girlfriend came along, and Celia and Trace are maybe not prioritizing her as much as they used to... maybe she feels like she needs to be a bit louder to be heard. I don't see her that way, but I could be author blind. Celia and Trace... are giving Henry a run of his money for being my favorite parent characters. I still like Henry though... lol. There needs to be more Cody's in the world. And.. you 'may' be right about Colt... maybe. and yeah, Westley probably needs the Jonny Lundst approach, if we're honest... I do wonder if they would find his search history a huge fault with him though. At least his parents do seem to think that 'anything' of that nature wouldn't be tolerated. We only have gotten to see one version of that outcome. With the busted up laptop and Joel exiled, we won't get to see that play out. Westley will 'mess up' though. He might have 'just enough' motivation to manage doing that.

Another pretty version. I mean honestly, unless you sound like a cat caught in a fan... the song does a lot of the heavy lifting for you. It is one of the better written songs out there... I do prefer a more melancholy approach to the song. Lang started out a bit Jazzy. I do like her though, she has a very full and soulful voice.

It was beautiful, if only the shuffling around and overall noise didn't take away from playing a bit in the background. I did like that you could tell that people were stopping to listen... or maybe the crowd was possibly dispersing more around him and off camera, as it did become slightly less distracting as song got closer to concluding. Thank you for sharing.