Krista

Oh gosh... Surely the boy has more sense... surely.

I'm sorry if you thought my tone was because I thought you were expressing discontent, tone can get lost in translation. I'm glad you love this story enough to forego your patience and likely better judgement in waiting. I hope that it stays that way, although I know it is an inconvenience, this silly waiting I make you all do. lol. And I am truly sorry that it is just once a week. I forget things that I've written and have to go back, and I wrote the thing. I'm in desperate need of reading the later chapters so I can remember things. There's also a lot of stories here and other authors y'all are engaged with, how any of you remember everything with all that information always being consumed by you is a testament really.

That's a lot of interesting dynamics. Colt has been distant this whole time. The twins have felt it, Celia, Trace, we can assume Lacey has. When Joel was riding his horse, he showed up for all of five minutes. They didn't miss his departure from them. Is it normal teenage avoidance, or is something driving all of this along? Is there resentment building based on something that happened well before Joel walked through the door, and he provided a respite from that, and now we're starting to see it coming back now that the immediate unknown in Joel seems to be easier to overlook as the family settles in around him. One thing I've noticed is that Trace and Celia tend to back one another up. I think there were a few times where Trace overruled Celia when Celia wanted to pressure Colt into being more present with Joel in the beginning. Trace gently telling her to let them finish that fence so they can do what they want, despite both of them knowing exactly what Colt wanted. Other than those times, they've been a rather consistent parenting pair, that's what I like about them... they're centered and grounded together, there's no real push or dominant one. With that said... there's differences in approaches and I think maybe we're starting to see that play out as well. I'm hoping the writing reflects more of their family dynamics, no matter how they play out... it is important that it is all there.

At this point, I'm starting to develop this whole... "Celia's a victim," because she cannot smother Joel with all the freedom of her loving mothering prowess... Shame on you Joel. Rude. 😮 Tsk tsk tsk. Maybe I'm writing a villain protagonist and this is going to be one hell of a plot twist. Authors...

The two sides of Colt. Sounds like a spin-off story in the making. Is he closed off, hiding secrets, wishes, feeling pressure? Is he conflicted about something. Has he done something that he cannot take back. He has measured Joel, he's told Trace and the Twins as much. He seemed impressed by not being a narc about the camping trips, and busting Jonny's face up and defending himself. But, he's still seemingly... distanced and on the fence. Or, is his other side him becoming angry, selfish, stubborn, and self-serving to a fault. Waiting to make life miserable for Joel and seizing this opportunity to do it, because he finally has had enough of sharing his family with him. 😮 I know which Colt I prefer... but I must admit, there's a lot of juice in both Colts that would make him very interesting if any of that comes to light or reading true in the story.

Lol. I do hope y'all continue with me. My biggest fear in all of this is that I'm going to post something, a chapter that's going to have you all throw your hands up, wash them of me, and move on to greener pastures. I may write for myself for fun, but I share it here for the engagement with you guys. I am aware that some of the things that I have written, said, some of my discussions, opinions, etc have led to some of you to silently walk away from me and stop reading. I do miss that engagement. Maybe I need to be a little better at extending olive branches whenever I see that I've done something like that.

Whenever Joel reflects on his former life, I do get emotional. All those simpler carefree memories he has before hormones, fear, and true self-preservation took some of that away from him. He remembers a great life, because he had one. He took the cost of his fear in hopes of preserving that life. He was determined to protect it, despite possibly not living the fullest life he could at the moment. He wasn't ready to let it all go yet... I don't know if he ever would have. Then it was gone. He lost a loving mother, a supportive father, an older brother that he may have had good memories with until Westley found other options that left them at odds, and he had a close relationship with his younger brother - maybe because he lost that bond with his older and didn't want to ever do that. He had goals. College, baseball, getting out of his shell a bit more... Then his fears became his reality and he couldn't rise above it. I don't know what it is like to be suicidal either, but I know from a friend who attempted that it isn't an easy u-turn back to a better path. It may have been a moment based on a crashing world around Joel that led him to that thought... but it was still there... he opened that door and let it in. There are things you don't come back from, not right away, not whole. Joel might have to start building from scratch and he has to do that still in fear of losing what little he has keeping him grounded on his feet. Celia and Trace, the Connleys are not the family he wants, he's said that a few times. Despite that, he's not willing to lose them either. Fear is powerful.

Cody holds a lot of power, yeah. I don't know that Cody is aware of that fact, hopefully he does... because that means he has felt the close bond they've shared. We hope that he's fighting for Joel, but we also hope that he's still being allowed to be carefree and a child... the more I think about Cody the more sadness I feel for him, even though I did the writing months ago now. I'm seeing it play out differently enough for me to feel things that I possibly didn't put a lot of true weight to when I wrote the story. I guess that's a gift that GA offers with a closer Author/Reader engagement.

Aww. Y'all are making me feel rather protective of Cody with these comments about this chapter. A war not of his making... Also, I see Westley fucking up trying to tie his shoes, yeah. lol. I think they were planned. I think they were planned because they wanted to build the 'perfect' impression of 'family' then decided that perception was overrated and they wanted free of it... they just didn't know what to do with the outcome of that. Gavin says as much, that they were part of the plan that became too much work for them. It may be an honest truth of their situation, or just his opinion about his parents... either way, Gavin spoke the words and Joel has no evidence that tells him that Gavin is wrong in saying them. Colt may be a little of both, or neither... we'll see. And true, dysfunction is in all corners... unfortunately.

What's the boy done now? 😮 And, maybe. There's only so many ways this trip can go... I mean, sure there are a lot of possibilities. I don't think Zombie apocalypse, alien invasion, etc are in the realm of possibilities... but I also wouldn't say 'never.'

Thank you!

Maybe Colt will stop being just as closed off as Joel... maybe they can bond. Do they have that in them? We'll see... maybe they both need a calm peaceful serene silence. A small escape from the pressure... Do we know what sort of pressure Colt is feeling? And from who? Or has something happened with him that we're going to find out... 😮 I'm sorry, I know I'm overplaying the 'coy' hand with these comments so far. It is the mood I am in... it seems. "still some semblance of love there, even if there isn't enough..." how much pain a person has to feel in the knowledge of those words being true for them and the person they held nothing but love with.

Choice. Word of the day, I'm thinking. There's too many things coming at Joel all at once, something has to give... something has to overtake everything else. The pot has to boil over eventually... Just hope the guy is ready for it to.

Not even fit to own a goldfish, but they have two kids instead. These days ipads and kidstube are raising children. At least these two have the decency to not parent across the globe, instead of across the living room. Small victories??? And yeah, I think they've probably said those exact words to someone. They need to say that to their children, at least so Davin and Gavin can realize where they stand with them. Gavin I think knows, Davin is the one that needs to feel the impact... at least then they can move along. Being a mother, I can't understand these characters that I've created... I guess that's part of the reason why I did.

Posting twice a week the few times I did it nearly sent my poor Editor into fits. For his sanity and mine, I can only promise once a week, which has been rather steady by comparison of how I used to post. I think one time I went 4+ months without posting between chapters. My Editor and I made the decision to split the longer chapters up, because it gave us more time to edit. A grace period to stay on schedule, for us to work together on smaller portions of the writing while we both dealt with real life. In the beginning, we were four or five chapters ahead of the readers, but roadblocks and real life will always win out with these things. We lost that buffer, and I could pause the story to make up that lost time, but I don't want to do that either, not unless we absolutely have to. I would love nothing more than to give as much as I can. Know that I am making an effort, I promise.

In my defense, I'm only on chapter 8. Splitting up all these 20, 25, 30, 40k word count chapters... I knew there could be a cost to that decision. And yes, this chapter was also split. It is also safe to say 'something' has to happen in the next one, right? Maybe? Surely? And I still cringe that we're 14 chapters into 3 and a 1/2 days of his story. I am well aware of that fact.

He is frustrating himself as well. He isn't blind to what he's doing. People usually are of two minds, emotional and rational. When emotional is winning, when rational needs to be, then you have this outcome. He has been told how Celia is, witnessed it first-hand. The Rational side of him is probably frustrated, but the emotional side won't allow him to breach that divide. It is a very difficult tug-of-war and it isn't easily resolved in one's mind. He will be there, however long it takes. He needs to feel safe in his own skin, before he can allow anything else to matter. Celia has shown him grace and patience. She hasn't faltered in that.

Aww, thank you! Thank you for reading and leaving a comment as well.

Bought and paid for spies, I'd say. They get paid no matter who cleans the house, why not complain to the ones doing the cleaning that two wild boys keep undermining all their hard earned and paid for work... 😮 it would be diabolical if that were true... I truly hope it isn't. I think Joel has realized that maybe Colt, Davin, and Gavin aren't the best company to be around when they're heading face first into getting wasted. And, it is around Noon, surely even they have some restraint... maybe? But Colt did invite Joel, seeing that maybe Joel needed an escape for a bit as well. Is that progress? Lol... hmmm... do we 'really' know what Celia's way is?

Easy smiles. They can hide so much behind them, can't they? Looming heavy, life changing decisions... who wants to live in those? Not a whole lot of people relish them, or at least I don't. He's had to make a lot of them, still has some to make... in a span of less than a week. At least one, thankfully, didn't have a chance to be made. I never really thought about the pressure on Cody. I mostly lived in the loss he's experiencing. There is pressure on him too, now and a lot of it. Maybe some of that pressure, Joel had shielded from him over the years. Now with Westley still being Westley and Joel out of the picture... Cody doesn't have that buffer. He's young... maybe the pressure hasn't touched him yet. Colt is acting out... or reacting. Either way, tension is building there... and now Joel is with all of that.

Brotherly bonding made me smile... lol. A conversation would be good, yes... any conversation. I also don't know. Well I do know, but I also don't.

or, it will be a cluster-eff of awkward silence mixed with odd looks? It could go either way, I'm thinking.

I woke up to a bang, blinking, I shot up out of the recliner. I felt the sleeping bag fall away and when I looked around, the living room was brightened by natural light. Davin was still asleep, but I heard him groan, he had slid all the way down and onto the couch cushions sometime last night, his feet still planted on the floor. “What are you two still doing asleep?” Gavin asked as he sauntered into the living room, and I grimaced as I watched him walk behind the recliner. He glanced in m