Krista

Yeah, the nagging unresolved Cody issue. It took three reads for me to land on the issue though. But when it did, I knew I had to tackle that with more writing. I do hope that Dad Benton's character did show some hints that he wasn't okay with how Joel was being treated, how own thoughts not aligning directly with his wife... and that he was starting to become supportive. That it wasn't out of the blue. I thought there were tiny hints of it... but he went on full display. I don't think Mom Benton would have bent at all if not for that anyway. If anything she would have went the other direction entirely and disallowed Cody and Joel meeting.

I think most people wouldn't mind me making you out to be a liar for a third time. But I won't. See, I'm nice. I don't know why some people are afraid of me. The thing that I'll no longer acknowledge seems proof enough that I've lost my mean/scary credibility and to rectify that, I'll have to get creative.

Yeah, I'm not a sequel person. I think it puts a lot of pressure on a person to write a fully fleshed out worthwhile sequel. I don't want the original to be looked back on poorly, because I couldn't deliver on the sequel. Or I messed up the Joel we spent 32 chapters, two years of my life, and 300k getting to know... and y'all no longer feel the same way about 'both' stories that you did the original if the sequel never existed. It is something that will be a series of roadblocks for my mind to get over if I were to even open my documents and titled one.. "Learning to Live.." which sucks as a title, but Learned to Lie was a bit of a stretch, since we know Joel sucked at being a liar... and his true and honest story was that he was so afraid of living that he barely allowed himself to.

Aww, but Joel was the Turkey in the Thanksgiving dinner. If I continued, then we'd all be eating the sides... and if the Deviled Eggs are the unknown sexual dynamics between Davin/Joel... example: Which one is the bottom... since that seems a debatable topic. Then the meal gets less enticing. I'll need to cook up another Joel Turkey and put it on the table before it makes sense to write again. And I am so sorry about this analogy, especially since we're so far removed from Thanksgiving.

Thank you for sticking with me through this story as well. Edit: Aww the poor dear. But go me, I guess.

Thank you! I loved this story too. I was a bit worried in the middle parts, about it being too slow and a bit bogged down. Those chapters weren't the most easy on my paranoid nerves. Overall though, I am very fond of this story, characters, and theme. Sucks that 300k = Barely a Month of timeline... but here we are.. lol. I can beat a day to death, it seems. If nothing big happens to derail things.. I hope to start writing my next story soon. I don't know if it will be posting this year or next, we'll see.. depends on how it goes I guess. That's my fear with even entertaining a sequel. If I start on it now, I'll need to write it completely, because that's the writing style I've had to adapt to. I no longer have the time to allocate to writing a chapter, get it edited, and post it all in the same week. For a posting schedule that's easy to follow and smooth, I need to complete the project I'm working on before I begin to post. It took me a year to write, "Learned to Lie." A bit longer, because I was still working on, "The Best Year," and wrote "Ridley," and "Elias" whilst Learned to Lie sat and collected dust. I can't remember exactly when I started writing again... but it took a long time. And time doesn't wait... We forget things, we move on... so by the time I even entertain a sequel to this story, I highly doubt people would even want it. If people have to look back on 300k it is rather daunting of an ask.

Aww. Me too, me too.

It took me a minute on carpet crawlers, being children. Carpet crawlers.. lol. The hug was so nice, it was something I think they both longed to do for a month after the falling out. Dad working up and understanding his sadness, the role he played in all this, and the realization that Joel was almost just a 'memory' and no longer a person. Dead or alive.

Aww. I think Celia told Mom Benton that very thing. "You just don't turn it off..." when she was talking about being a mother and loving their children. But...

She did read immature this chapter, not going to lie. The, "well I'm not getting my damn way..." stomp her foot kind of thing. As far as this goes, I think she is handling it rather mentally immature. Out of sight, out of mind. Thinking that Joel isn't capable of things that he very much was capable in doing. It almost cost him his life... and trying to push him to admit that he's still a scared little boy that would never divulge his sexuality, so 'her' embarrassment can be spared was telling too. He told her that he wasn't going to keep that secret. He hasn't really.. he came right out to Lorianne, Gavin, and the old bat Francine without much worry. The Benton family dynamic would've been a good dynamic to explore if I had stayed in that household, for sure. I would say, Dad Benton wasn't too worried about how Westley was fairing or felt about all this... he was more worried about being pushed away by Cody and Joel. So at least, if anything, he's worried about a life without them in it and only having Westley there. Might point towards where his head is at the least.

Probably a good thing they don't have close neighbors, then. Or too close neighbors. But people are talking. Word has gotten out that the baseball star is playing for Fletcher. That he's attending a school well out of the way for it to be a normal change. He's no longer enrolled where he's supposed to be. Tempton's baseball Coach has had direct contact with him, brief as it was. So yeah, I can see those well constructed walls Mom Benton tried to build to keep the dirty little secret that is Joel falling down around her. I do wonder how the town would feel? If they thought more like her... or if a lot of them would be like... "You did that to him, because of that??!?!" But yeah, something Mom Benton will have to deal with, and hopefully she 'does' have to deal with it. It may do her some good, this torment. Questions she doesn't want to answer, the whispering behind her back, the off-hand comments. If Joel shines at Fletcher, it will make it worse. The Baseball star no longer 'their' baseball star. But anywho. All of her own making. It will never be the same for Joel and Cody. One day a week is better than One time every other month, or whenever. But at least he fought for what he's going to get now.

He'll have to find a new little goal to reach for, the poor thing. Bless him.

The dogs are very much alive, yes.

Yeah, had to do one more. It hasn't become a habit, I promise. Although I'm thinking most of you want this story to become my bad habit. Like chocolates or other vices... why not writing Joel's story, not the worst vice, I'm thinking. Joel really fought for what he wanted. I am glad Dad Benton backed him up. Good thing he was home, if it was just Mom and Wes... eew.

When I first posted this story as a Short in the Secret Author Anthology thing back in 2023, the comments that this story received broke my heart. It took me back to when two of my friends were kicked out of their homes. Then to read through people who 'found' their Trace, and those who never had a Trace, it broke me. I couldn't imagine living in the hearts and minds of someone that can't have their family. The reason being there's some expectations and thoughts that weren't inline with whatever. It is part of the reason why I continued. That and the first part did leave everything up in the air... but pointing to a more positive place with Trace and his family, but yeah up in the air it was. I didn't think it would be 300k up in the air, but that happened too. Lisa and Phil Benton will be doing a lot of talking, I'm thinking. We don't know what their true dynamics are. We 'think' Joel's father is a bit of a pushover, because he didn't put his foot down and keep his son in the house. We kind of get a hint of his mindset being... "this is not a good place for you..." but that doesn't explain shoving him out of the house and seemingly not caring how he ends up either. So there's this dynamic we don't really know, we got a hint of it at their worst. We've not seen them at their best. So, with that in mind divorce is something on the table, sure. One parent doing extreme things that the other doesn't agree with... and he made it known that he thinks she is hurting their children. That is something as a parent I couldn't forgive. I would say, "We'll see.." I actually almost typed the words... but we won't see. I hope your parents softened to the idea of the small aspect of your sexuality and saw the whole picture of you.

Yeah, there were two things that the Birthday chapter left me thinking about. This chapter covers the larger more pressing one. That was the non-promise of seeing Cody again. Wes drove off without a word, rude, and being mean to Cody rushing him to get into the car without much of a Goodbye. So, I felt I needed this chapter to give his real family closure and for him to fight for Cody. It isn't a lot of closure, how he left it, but he came there with the idea to fight for Cody and he got his father back... somewhat. So he left there with more than he hoped. Mom Benton and Wes are still in the air... As for the second thing, I'll not discuss that one. In the very slim chance that I open up a blank document if it feels like it is going to press me to write further. Right now my mind is on Oklahoma. And for those curious about where Joel lives... it is not Oklahoma.

Aww. This also breaks my heart a little bit. I'll miss you people. The comments from everyone that are sometimes on topic, but become completely unhinged and hilarious. It has been quite the year, 2025 for my little story. And I will miss the hell out of these characters. But I miss them all really. I miss Jackson's antics, Luke's calm. Ridley's inner-dialog and retrospection. Gabe's devotion and patience... But yeah... these characters are still so fresh and I've been working on them for over a year, so I'll miss them for a bit.

You may be able to keep a secret... But we all know you can't keep your mouth shut. --- Congratulations on your 500th Blog.

I'm going to show off my very female brain here and say: Maybeeeee? I always saw Ford though. Don't ask me what model... I wouldn't know. One that can handle a rather large cattle hauler trailer and still be shiny and expensive enough to make Joel go.. "oh fuck me, if I wreck this thing just let me die..." even if he oops bumps a boundary pole getting too close to a building or something. Or whatever those little poles are to keep people from ramming their vehicles into things... like at gas pumps or whatever. So yeah... And I'll let the dust settle with this last chapter a little bit more before I do the deep dive into the rest of the comments.

The next morning, I woke up feeling Davin shifting beside me. Blinking awake I sighed and looked over at him. His leg was draped across my crotch, trapping my morning wood under him. He was still asleep, but him moving this much told me that he was close to waking himself up. Sunday meant the house was empty except for the twins, me, and the dogs if they were allowed in before the Connley’s left. Reaching down I slid my hand along Davin’s leg. When he moaned, I looked back over to see his h

First of all, that pizza might as well been burnt with all that sauce you probably slathered all over it. Nasty. --- Secondly, they talked. But Percy let Five off easy. I guess it is just me placing too much heavy on this story, because Five initiated sex, what... three times? Between his lies about Ethan. He doesn't know the extent of what Ethan and him got up to either. He was just told he was supposed to meet him, which said a lot, but didn't say what was necessary for Percy to know the full story. Is his fascination with Five so strong that he can overlook Bethany, but with a little remorse and jealousy. Overlook Five's lies about Ethan, because those are heavy and confusing. And lastly, overlook the seemingly inevitable decision Five is going to make. That is to stay with Bethany for whatever reason and to ask his girlfriend for continued permission and access to Percy. Which is selfish to both Bethany and Percy, no matter how this whole thing started. Percy has said that he cannot have an open relationship, that he gets too jealous and they both glossed right over that fact. I mean I get it, Five fulfills Percy's more kinky-I want to be controlled-side as well. Something he'd have to really look for and with careful planning/selection if he was going to find someone he could trust and form a relationship willing to fulfill that for him. Starting from ground zero and all that. I think he'd rather it just be Five all around, which is heartbreaking for me as I don't like Five. Five doesn't deserve a finish-line epiphany of 'I love you Percy..." he needs to show me that he has changed. That he's no longer manipulative, no longer selfish, and no longer a liar. So it can't work. Not how Five seemingly wants it to work. Also, Ethan is a creeper, conniving little thing if he is the underwear thief. Makes me think he still has a thing for Percy since it was 'his' underwear. But why steal a chlorinated wet pair? I guess easy access to it since they were just laying there for the taking. He has the codes though, so his grand prize is waiting for him in the form of dirty laundry or clean pairs in the bedroom... I don't know how creepy this dude really is. I don't feel sorry for Five's broken down penis. --- and just like that, I'm all caught up. We can't be having this... if you hear tapping that sounds similar to an impatient tapping of a fingernail on a table-top, it is me. For better or worse you have me as a reader...

I am awake two hours past my bedtime. Conniving Ethan getting more power plays to use later on, just because two idiots can't tell him to fuck their whole ass off. I can believe that his father is the one that did the bruising up, if that's true. I think he genuinely feels trapped and desperation has driven some of this. All the rest of it, is manipulation and mind games. Like I said, he knows what he's doing. He didn't outright throw Five under yet. So his end goal may well and truly be Five in this moment and he's done with Percy for whatever reason. But there is such a thing as playing your cards too early. If he's wanting to get something from Five, then yeah, maybe share that after the fact so you can have your cake and eat it too. If he wanted to break them up so he could have either of his choosing, why not... Percy and Five are giving him all the power moves to do just that. And they only have themselves to blame for the continued initiation of conversations and opening of doors and thoughts that they never had to open after their declaration to one another. Five is still slumming at rock bottom for me too. I am to the point where I don't want to see him happy, like at all. What he's done to Percy in these last two chapters go well beyond anything that I could forgive him for, lifelong friend or not. He is not only flirting a dangerous line with Percy's mind, heart, and body... he's flirting with the ruining of years of love, devotion, trust, and friendship. One that will have a ripple effect through their entire close-knit friend group. If he has an end game of his own, he needs to get to it and be done with it.

I'm going to have to defend Ethan a little bit in this chapter. He is conniving, I give him that. He knows exactly what he's doing. But the only reason he has any power in any of this is because 'they' decided to 'give' that power to him. I stand by what I said in defense of Percy too. Ethan's business before Five and Percy half-ass declared themselves to one another isn't Percy's weight to hold on to. The kiss and forwardness at the bar, sure... but he came clean about that. Ethan is trying to get what he wants... it is a character flaw. But the honesty in all this still is: Percy and Five do not know what they want. They have feelings, yes. They have declared themselves partially attached... but they're still in this mind of pretending is best and we'll go from there. There's marginal honesty in all that. There was zero honesty in Five this chapter. None.

He better do that name justice, for his sake.

It is all still so fresh in my mind, that what has passed.. is something I'm probably going to balk at the idea of switching gears with, to be fair. So it will take some off-hand out of the box thinking whenever I get off the mindset that this is the story I need to work on. If that makes sense. So, a lot of things going on inside my head would be for me to work through as a continuation of this story, but I don't see it being a good idea to do after this next chapter. Maybe this next chapter will feel more like a good place to land completely. Just know that I wanted to do so much more with the writing of this story, but it is Joel's story arc that's telling me that I'm done. Everything else I want to do has to do with Cody, Colt, Lorianne, Davin/Gavin... their stories that I never got around to fleshing out as well as I would have liked. Maybe even Jaxton's, if he decides he's not finished. There's a little Joel in there, but not enough to warrant a prolonged continuation to get me to that one scene I want to do with Joel. So, after this next chapter I'll probably give this story a rest from my brain. Then I'll come back to see if I can come up with a conflict that makes sense to me and is something that I'll be motivated to write. Right now every little thing that I entertain I grimace and say, "oh no, I can't do that.." and that's not going to get me anywhere.