Sebastian Bauer
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Everything posted by Sebastian Bauer
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02.12.2015 Dear C, I heard from my mum today and she told me that you are going through another chemo. And it’s a very strong one. Baby… I am so sorry. I can only imagine how weak you must be. If I could only take some of this suffering from you – I would in a heartbeat. It breaks my heart knowing how much you are suffering there. It really does. If I understood my mum correctly, you should be having your bone marrow transplant too – at the same time. So that is a great n
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1.12.2015 Dear C, Today is the day when we were supposed to be at the O2 Arena watching Madonna’s concert. And look where we are now… I remember how excited I was when I finally managed to get those tickets to see her! I so wanted to see your reaction and during the show – even more than the show itself. Do you remember when we actually first met? We spent hours talking who’s the real queen of pop. You were trying to convince me it was Lady Gaga and obviously I was trying
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28.11.2015 Dear C, I got an email from Lucia today and she told me all about Cindy’s work experience in the office! I was so happy to read that she really liked that. And they all treated her like a little lady! I am so pleased. Lucia told me that they all knew she was the sister of my boyfriend (well, ex-boyfriend now), so she got a special treatment. Wonderful. Lucia mentioned also that you have been doing really good and you had your last treatment yesterday (Frid
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Letter 33 (The Future)
Sebastian Bauer commented on Sebastian Bauer's story chapter in Letter 33 (The Future)
Hello, C had nothing to do with me being in prison... And thank you for your kind words. S.B. -
25.11.2015 Dear C, I was back to the beach. This time it was very windy and cold. I could almost feel the wind on my face (I suppose that was the real wind blowing inside my cell through that fucking broken window). I was freezing. The beach was empty as usual and the lighthouse was there too. For a moment I thought I could see someone walking inside there, but I didn’t pay much attention to it. The only thing I was paying attention to was the feeling of something trying
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24.11.2015 Dear C, Happy birthday my love! Someone is getting older 🙂 I hope you had a wonderful day today? Did your mum make some of your favourite food for you? Did Sarah and Cindy surprise you with something nice? I bet they did. There is no need for me to say how much I wish I was there with you. I called you first thing after they unlocked our cells this morning but I got a message that your number was unavailable… I couldn’t try to dial
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22.11.2015 Dear C, How is my favourite guy doing? Hope you are doing well? It’s Sunday today and I have been sleeping almost the entire weekend. The antidepressants do their job. I wish I could fall asleep today and wake up the day I will be leaving from here. Or maybe not wake up at all. Doesn’t matter to me really. I spoke to my mum yesterday on the phone. First, she didn’t pick up the phone so I had to wait 10 minutes and called again. You know, here you can’t jus
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20.11.2015 Dear C, Another week has passed and another terrorist attack! This time in Africa. They didn’t show much on BBC here, but I saw some footage. Please be careful there in London. I have this terrible feeling it will happen there soon. It’s weird, but seems that places like prison is the safest to be, when the terrorist attacks happen. Silly I know, but kind of true. Jose was talking about it today and I had to agree. Then I thought that if there was a zombie outbreak
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19.11.2015 Dear C, I was running towards the beach. It was sunny, but I remember seeing dark clouds covering the sky. It was hot, but the wind blew an icy cold air every now and then. The sea was very calm yet I could see some big waves on the horizon. There were a few people around me standing and watching me. I don’t know who they were. Then I suddenly fell and started to float just above the ground. And then I recognized the entrance to the beach – it was the one I use
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16.11.2015 Dear C, What a terrifying weekend it’s been! Sad. Just sad. I’m talking about the terrorist attacks in Paris on Friday 13th (what an irony with that day). I am not sure if you were as affected by it as I still am. I mean, what city is next? London? Barcelona? Berlin? *** read the part I wrote today at the bottom of this letter Sometimes I think that maybe it is better that I will have to be deported from here. Living in London would kind of freak
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13.11.2015 Dear C, Happy anniversary of Lady Gaga’s ARTPOP album! Remember how I surprised you with the shiny new CD with additional DVD of her performance on iTunes Festival? And not only that – that was the day we moved in together in Wandsworth. Wasn’t it great? The first day and night in our own place. We turned it something special, didn’t we? I felt like the happiest guy ever, although the prospect of the court case was looming over my head and I was getting mo
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11.11.2015 Dear C, How I wish I knew how you really are. All I am getting here is my mum’s feedback and I am sure she wouldn’t tell me if something was wrong – not to worry me. I spoke to her on the phone today and she told me she haven’t heard from you in a week, so obviously I got worried. I just hope you are ok. Maybe you don’t want to keep in touch with her anymore…? I don’t know. You know, today during the exercise time (that’s how they call the time when we are
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7.11.2015 Dear C, I was wondering today whether your hair started to grow back yet… And how do you actually look these days. I haven’t seen you for over 3 months now. Can you imagine? The longest time apart we had was 3 days – when I had to travel to Poland once to get my ID card. And it seemed like a year then. You know that I don’t have any photos of you here with me. Obviously my iPhone was taken away from me, including the wallet with your photo in it.
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6.11.2015 Dear C, How is everything? I know I wrote to you yesterday, but I felt like I wanted to put a few words to you today too. It kind of helps me to go on without you. It’s almost like I am being able to talk to you – even though you are not here. Yesterday I tried to call you so many times, but you never picked up the phone. I guess you knew it was me, but couldn’t be bothered… Or you were busy with something. I don’t know. All I know that I need to get myself
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5.11.2015 Dear C, What a day I had yesterday… I got your e-mail (the second you sent me since I’ve been to prison) and it completely tore me apart. I had to be dismissed from my English classes as I couldn’t stop crying. How were you able to unloved me so quickly C? I started to believe now, that you perhaps never really loved me that much after all… Your words were cold as ice. It was like they were coming from a totally different person. I read between the lines, th
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2.11.2015 Dear C, How are you doing? I hope you are doing well and catching up on everything you have missed out on when you were in the hospital. I miss you dearly and I really wish I could be there for you and enjoy those moments with you too. I received an email from Kasia today, a very long one. She basically told me off for being weak, for loving you, for caring for you and for being a total fool. For allowing you to break my heart. It did hurt really bad when I was read
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1.11.2015 Dear C, It’s Sunday today and I slept all day. I think my anti-depressants hit me hard. I had your belt wrapped around my wrist all day today. I laid my head on it, so I could smell it – it made me feel like you were next to me. Stupid – I know that’s what you would probably think of me right now. For me, however, having this belt here is a big deal. How are you doing? I hope you are ok. Did you enjoy your Halloween night last night? I wonder what did you do? Maybe
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31.10.2015 Dear C, Happy Halloween baby! I hope you are going to get to spend it with your loved ones. Do you still remember our last Halloween in 2014? We bought these 2 massive pumpkins and turned them into “the scary monsters”. Your was much scarier. And then you cooked the pumpkin soup! It was lovely. We both had a day off and watched horror movies all day! You got really scared watching “The Woman In Black”! It was so cute! Even though you denied jumping on the bed or sq
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29.10.2015 Dear C, How are you doing my love? How are you handling the chemo? Have the doctors said anything yet? I spoke to my mum and she told me that everything is going ok. I hope baby, I hope… I met with a guy called Andrew. He is my “offender supervisor”. Funny the name – I am not any offender. Anyway, he did like a short interview with me, asked me some basic questions. He asked about my case. He also said that I will need to meet with my “offender manager” at some po
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23.10.2015 Dear C, This is just a short letter today. I wasn’t planning on writing to you until Sunday, but I just had that strong need of telling you how much I love you. And I know that words cannot express how I really feel. Nothing can. And I know you don’t care. Anyway, there is a guy here on my landing, who is attacking me verbally to give him my jumper – the one I got in the parcel from my mother. He is a big, black man and maybe he thinks that I am scared of him. I am s
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21.10.2015 Dear C, How is my baby doing? How is your belly? I spoke to my mum yesterday and she told me you had some bad stomach pain. I remember how you used to have it when I was coming to visit you in the hospital too… Baby, I hope the pain will go away soon. It’s the chemo effect. Please be brave my love. I got an email from Lucia today. She tried to cheer me up. She said that she spoke to you and that she would be taking you to lunch once you are permitted to leave the hosp
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16.10.2015 Dear C, How are you doing? How is chemo going? How are you feeling in general? I can imagine, that by now you must have lost all of your hair… Lucky you-you have a perfectly shaped skull, so you still look hot – even without your hair! I would look like Mr. Potato!!! I met an interesting guy here called David Tant. He has been in prison since the 70s!!! I mean… my brain cannot even digest that information. He is now in his early 80s but he is still very energetic though. H
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12.10.2015 Dear C, How are you doing baby? There is not a single night passing when I wouldn’t have a dream about you. On one hand I love it as it makes me feel like I am still with you, but on the other hand I hate it – the cold light of day only reminds me how much pain I fell inside of me, in every single bone, in every single blood cell… Two night ago I dreamt I was at my aunt’s home party. I haven’t seen here in years. Her name is Helena. She has always been my favourite
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Thank you kindly for your comments. Yes, it wasn't easy. It is still hard sometimes, but I am trying to put all this behind. You will all know what really happened. One day soon I will create a page with the explanation of what happened to me. Do follow my art page - it will be there www.sebastianbauerart.com Thank you. S.B.
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Dear Hunter of Porn, Thank you for the comment. I am still learning how to paint. It's a journey. C doesn't know anything about my letters. I have no idea how he would have reacted to them... S.B.
