Will Hawkins

Okay, Ace. I think ou can see how much you mean as a writer to your reader audience. The comments I am reading are off the wall emotionally. A mess of guys, tearing up is high praise for an emotional chapter. I am looking forward to the resolution of some of Ryder's problems, supported by Teddy's love.

I should learn to quit make broad statements of generalities because there are so many readers out there who know so much more than do I about most subjects. You are an excellent example. I appreciate your corrections and apologize for making my stupid too broad statements.

There are some dark clouds on the horizon. First the tension between the bad members -- it is hard to imagine a group of 'twen-teens', especially complicated by musician egos getting along for months on the road without stress; sooner or later, more likely sooner, Ryder is going to lose the support of his grandmother; he may also burn himself out from stress or turn to chemical support, either of which might mean the loss of his music support: and Teddy probably does not fully realize the pressures he is going yo be under in medical school and beginning a career, without Ryder's support. Hang on to your seats readers, it is going to be a bumpy night!

If both boys continue in the pattern they have spoken of, Teddy will be going on to Medical School and entering into a long hard row to hoe until graduation as a MD. Ryder will climb the charts as a singer as Teddy acquires his degree, But teenage singers are like celestial novas, they flare brightly, but then burn out quickly. At some time in the future, not too far away, Ryder will need Teddy again. A rock to build his life after the stage upon. I can only hope that they will not lose one another before that point.

It seems that there is a beginning of a flip-flop in personality between Ryder and Teddy with Teddy becoming more insecure and Ryder's self-confidence building. Like this is the direction for the story to progress in -- sort of a second act. Interesting and great authorship. Keep up the great work, Ace, I really appreciate your style. Mr Will

I have been lurking behind a pillar for chapter after chapter now, just waiting for an opportunity to say how much the mechanics of your story-telling have improved. Some, and I empathize some, of the mechanical improvement may be the result of editing and beta readers, but much of it, I am sure, is the result of the author's growth. Nit-pick: the command to a horse to stop is spelled 'whoa', and pronounced woe, (the 'a' is silent as is the 'p' in pant leg). Take it from an old Texas boy (a very old Texas boy).

I will have to admit that the band\music\performance scene leaves me out in left field. My age and tin ear are the problem. I was to old at the teen-age band era, and too involved in my life, teaching college courses and providing physical support for an ailing spouse to become involved with what with my tin ear, sounded like just so much noise, but I am really into the relationship between Teddy and Ryder. I am watching that change in baby steps chapter by chapter and loving it. You do a great job, Ace, with developing the personalities of your characters and that character development makes your stories well worth reading even for a man like me where the entire teen\music scene goes over my head. It looks to me like the relationship between those two has a long way to go and I am fascinated to see the progress, chapter by chapter. The editor you are using has improved the readability of your work a lot -- don't go to bed with him, but keep him near at hand -- his work makes the reading so much more relaxing than is true with many of the younger (read: less experienced) authors on GA. They may tell a good story, but grammatical errors, improper or excessive punctuation and juvenile spelling, can quickly dilute a reader's pleasure.

Ace, I love the chaos you put into the story, the cemetery scene was masterful. Suddenly the two boys switch sides as far as strength is concerned with Ryder being the brave one, great! And Teddy grew a pair in confronting baseball bums. This holds promise for him, too.

Ryder is a very complex person -- an onion with many layers. Peeling these back, one by one, will surely make interesting reading.

Another little baby step toward a relationship. If Teddy keeps up the pressure, someday Ryder will have to admit there is somebody out there who cares. Grandma is a kick. She is her grandson's strongest supporter, and probably understands his the best, having lived through all his depression moodiness. Don't give up, Teddy. I think you are making progress.

As an author, placing yourself, Ace, into one mind, then switching to the opposite personality is a real test. You handle it so well -- are you sure you have not had extensive psychological training? If you have not, you have a mind that can slip from the sunshine into the shadow so totally and realistically. I will admit to having difficulties in following the differing psychologies of your two main characters, but I blame that on my unfamiliarity with the contemporary music scene. I would be more comfortable, I feel, if I knew the songs that you are using as expressions of emotion, but my ignorance is an expression of my separation from the youth scene, not a failure in your writing style. This chapter has been the `two steps back´ of which you spoke, so now we have had the one step forward (the kiss) and the two steps back (Ryder's deep melancholy) that you promised in your chapter title. Where do we go from here? I am confident that you will be creative in your next chapter -- so, onward.

I feel for the first time that Ryder and Teddy actually communicated in this chapter. They are opposites in personality, but share the same insecurities. The solution to their relationship problems is communication. Eventually they will discover that they are very similar and each of them can add a lot to to the other. Superior insight on your part, Ace, you show a knowledge of personalities far in excess of your tender years. Yes, early twenties are `tender years´ to an old fucker like me. Keep up the great work, Ace, you are pouring your heart and soul into your writing and it shows in the finished product.

I am confused by Mike's relation to Teddy. He seems at first to be supportive, but then undermines his support. I can see a very complex attitude developing. The writing is extremely complex, but then, relations between people are complex as well. You handle the progress in the relationships so well -- these young men become human. No author could ask for more.

I hav not been a nit-picker in my comments on this story, but now I see improvement in pacing. Looking forward to more and more.

You are beginning to fill out your characterizations in this storyline, Ace. I'm looking forward to my reading. Congratulations on its development.

Thanks for your help in finding this story line. I had assumed that when a story was published in book form, the publisher would insist that all free version be deleted. I am glad to find tat not to be true as it gives me the opportunity to read another one of your tales. 😀😀

You mentioned 'properly space the narrative; apparently you have overcome that fault, but if you ever want to tighten up the narrative spacing somewhat, there is a trick you can use -- at the end of a line, instead of pressing 'return', press 'shift-return' and the next line will be entered up tight. Keeping you finger on 'shift' will put the upper-case letter at the beginning of the next sentence and if you wish to indent that next line, you may use the 'right-arrow' key for a standard (five spaces) indent, then, keeping your finger on the 'upper-case' key, press the appropriate letter key to start the text out properly. I use three spaces to indent the first line of text in a paragraph, just as has been done with this line (just because I like the look), then wait until after the punctuation mark at the end of that sentence (" upper-case 2 key on my European set up keyboard) then go back to put in the quote mark at the beginning of the paragraph. That is done just to avoid the little green dot under the left-hand double quote. That dot will not print, but it can confuse me while I am writing, If you use (on my European set up keyboard) a single quote to signal the start of quoted text (the European style of punctuation), it is not necessary to go back. Just press the upper-case (shifted) single quote key at the beginning of a quotation and the lower-case single quote (without the shift) at the end after the final punctuation mark and the correct `single quote´ (facing left or right) will be inserted at both the beginning and the end of the sentence. (The lower-case key with the question mark, puts in an apostrophe, as in a possessive or elided letter, but that mark faces the wrong way for an initial single quote.) Now that you are thoroughly confused, just experiment with single and double quotation marks as well as the apostrophe until you get the look you want in your text. I was very confused with my European key board until I got used to it, now I find it has become habit, and I don't even have to think about which key (keys) to press anymore!

Thank you, Ace, for directing me too th's posting. I am looking forward to reading another of your well-written tales and was upset to find that this one was published in a book. Frequently a book publisher will demand that the free version of a book be deleted as a prerequisite for publishing as they do not want to lose money by having readers select the free version. to read. But for me, in my 'no income' situation, deleting the free version just means one less book for me to be able to enjoy. Okay, back to the second chapter and we're off on this ride!

Adam is the most complex character in this story. I feel a large part of Artie's confusion/uncertainty revolves around Adam's youthful relationships with the other adults now in Artie's life. It is obvious that there is a history between Adam and Ezra -- there is just too much friction netween those two to just blame it on ill-feeling between a bio-father and a guardian. Okay, Ace, there is a tangle for you to work out! The relationship between Artie and Dizzy just seems so natural to me -- each one of them gains some benefit from the give and take with the other, and even Dizzy is growing in his relationship with Artie. It seems to me that somebody named Ace, is doing a fantastic job in managing the complexities of these relationships -- you go, man!. But there are still many loose ends, Ace. This story should go on for many more chapters.

Relationships between people are so complex, even without the added tangle of life history added in. In this case the relationships between Artie and his bio-dad as well as the relationship between Adam and Mason are beautifully just adding layers of complexity on an already complex situation. Ace, you handle these tangled webs so well, I can hear (and feel) the emotions coming through the dialog. Congratulations to you, sir, on your writing skills.

Sorry, but being stuck off here in the Brazilian outback, I have no funds to buy books, even from Kindle at bargain prices. I will have to pass on 'The Hidden Ones'

Yes, the 'sperm donor' showed up at the courthouse and spoke just a few words to his son. I have the feeling that his appearance was merely a combination of curiosity and a very slight apology to Artie. How did he know that the guardianship case was to heard that day? Well, we readers sometimes forget the communication level in a small town -- it may have just been common gossip that Artie's case was to be heard that morning. I know that if I were the 'sperm donor', I would show up too, just out of curiosity if nothing else. The attitude of the residents of the town is so typical. It would indeed be a miracle if that had changed over the sixteen years of Artie's life. Once again, Ace, I must repeat myself -- you are an interesting writer with a real feeling for what goes on inside your characters -- they are real people to me and you are merely recounting what goes on inside their heads -- you bring them to life.

The idea of Texas and California having sibling rivalry is an interesting one to me as I have lived in both states during my youth (many.many years ago). It is possible that there could not be any two states in the Union which are farther apart in ideology than these two. Because Artie is attending school in San Francisco is an excellent reason for a change of venue, but that could be countered by the age go the Grandparents making travel difficult for them. The fact of Adam being gay is an additional complication. A homeopathic judge could very well decide that Adam's influence has a negative effect on Artie. it is going to be very interesting, as a reader, to see how you are going to work this out, Ace. I have not been disappointed in your authorship and creativity to date and am looking forward to many more pleasant hours with GA and this story.

No worries about grandparents in California, but much worry about them filing suit in Texas. Texas judges are not too broadminded about things going on regularly in California. This guardianship suit might be quite a hassle.

I cannot see Adam making out with any man who cannot accept the fact that Artie is a part of the 'Adam-package', those two seem to understand each other so well. Maybe because of their close relationship (uncle\nephew) and both gay. But then, my experience\understanding of close gay relationships is extremely limited. Wonderful characterization, Ace, and you have a real understanding of human relationships.