BlueWindBoy

We need to talk. -- The most nerve-wracking sentence in the language. Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of self-doubt, overthinking, and paranoia. "I'm a predator, Gray. Was a predator, anyhow," he began. -- WOW!!! Bravo Scott! Just put it out there. Name the demon with as much honesty, and as little shame, as possible. We admitted to ourselves, to God, and to another person, the exact nature of our wrongs. What had he done? He'd been completely honest for the first time in years. And it cost him the love and friendship of the first person he'd ever fallen for. He'd finally found someone who could make the scarred place in his heart whole -- Welcome to the world of intimacy, Scott, a world where you're vulnerable and definitely NOT in control. It's a scary place. And it's the only place love really happens. Now is the time to hang on to faith, and hope. If Graham really is worthy of your honesty and vulnerability, then he'll remember you on that ladder and want to come back and be non-judgementally curious about the reality of who you are. And ready to tell you the vulnerability of his own life.

When had he ever apologized to a boy in his bed? -- Ah, but Graham's no boy. When he allowed himself to think long about it, he wondered if he was worthy of Graham. In his deepest, darkest moments, he doubted it. -- We're never really worthy of the people we love and want to have love us. That's why love is a grace and a gift. He realized what he had been about to do. In so many encounters, with so many of the new guys he wanted to break in, this had been the moment. He'd wait until he had complete control . . . He would have complete dominance, and would get anything he desired from the guy under him after that. It had never been about the other man. He had Graham at his mercy now. -- Yes, TP is still there, but named and acknowledged, and finally denied. Scott has found self-control.

Since when had he gone out of his way for anyone? -- indeed, at least not since climbing over the ship's railing to retrieve a sample case. Since his life had changed when the sea failed to carry him off. -- More like when he decided not to let go of the ladder and life. a chance at becoming Scott and Graham. "But it didn't happen," he spoke aloud, turning his eyes to Graham's. "You were there when I needed you. And we're here now." -- AWWW!

typo alert: "Nice play you have…" -- I think you mean "place"? He could take command right then and there, and it would feel incredibly good, satisfying both himself and Graham. He had no doubt of that. But that wasn’t what he wanted; he wanted something better, something to satisfy a deeper, more insistent hunger. -- Something more human, "Scott." When Graham echoes Scott's saying that he thinks he's falling for him, too, he's really telling Scott not only that he's human but that he has a history as well. And from the sound of it, Graham's past forays into romance have not always gone well, hence his own tentativeness. BUT, has he seen the video? OTOH, Scott now needs to find ways not simply to be authentic with Graham, but honestly transparent about who he's been, what he's done, and what has brought him to this moment, even more than he was with Michael. Not all at once, as if to drop a truth bomb of brutal honesty designed to scare Graham off and self-fulfill his own feelings of not being good enough. But over whatever time is left before Graham takes him home.

He had so few friends in the world, why fuck up a friendship? -- Friendship is more important than sex? Who is this "Wally" person and what have you done with our original predator? This had better not be another Riley Jericho/Ryan Alexis moment!

An hour? They'd spent that long? It seemed only like a few moments. -- In the flow of real conversation and budding friendship. Who knows, maybe even romance?

Rum & Cola – Tapas bar adjacent and part of Abuela’s. Popular with Millennial hipsters, the watering hole carries over 100 brands of rum. -- What about rhum? Storm Ink NYC – Chelsea tattoo parlor where CJ gets inked. -- I thought he got inked in Amsterdam?

No can do. https://www.nytimes.com/2021/01/12/nyregion/hudson-yards-suicide-vessel.html

He should have been able to retreat into the cold remoteness of his stony heart, but he just couldn't. -- The stone cold heart just isn't there any more. Ellie -- every gay guy needs a girl friend.

It’s not inexpensive but they get a bottle or two now and then. -- LOL! $365 the bottle, $950 the magnum. A bit more than the Parducci from the wedding. “I’m holding you to that, CJ. No more ordering rotgut.” -- Yes, because CJ and Mogen David are on a first name basis. The hot air balloon ride was a spur of the moment decision. -- Ballooning is SO MUCH FUN!! More fun than ziplining, yet less fun than white-water rafting. So is Purple Flame really Schramsberg or Duckhorn?

I think family get really invested in getting back to the way things were in the good ole days before the serviceperson went into the service. Friends can do that as well, but have a deeper investment in their future with their friend. Oddly counter-intuitive, yes. When friends can get family on board with what needs to happen going forward, then they're cooking with gas. When the guy excused himself and asked if anyone had a weapon, all but Harley shook their heads. -- WHAT? CJ without Lola? How did THAT happen? "forwent" -- I don't think I've EVER seen this past of forego. Well done! Surely Sean, Ethan, Tony, and Colt have friends in NYC who can move Damien to some new address, say somewhere west of the Chelsea Piers? He's only going to be a problem for Christina in the future.

Was he really worthy of that kind of trust? -- We become trustworthy by demonstrating trustworthiness, being trustworthy, especially in difficult circumstances.

I hope the pillow comes home with them. "to you I pledge my wealth. To you, I pledge my soul. To you, I pledge my love. For as long as I live" -- we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor. Right in front of Mr Jefferson, too. Nice.

Not taking advantage of a boy he would like to bed when that boy is vulnerable, respecting his own boundaries, even admitting in a limited way to the nature of his wrongs, Wally is making progress.

IKEA? Not Baker Furniture, right there in Georgetown? "When Brett once again spoke, CJ wandered what his dads were up to;" -- I think you mean "wOndered"? Tesla X? $80K for a 1 star from Consumer Reports? The ebb and flow of Brad's everyday life have departed and have been replaced by a constant round of fear and anger, blood and death. CJ and the Squad will be picking up these pieces for a LONG time, sad to say. I only hope Brad doesn't become one of the 22 vets who kill themselves each day.

“I can help.” The statement was out before he even knew where it had come from. -- A sign of true recovery. An urge to go deeper overtook him, and he followed it. . . until he suddenly realized the water had gotten quite deep. -- A key choice for Wally, to go farther and farther, or get back to shore. Love passed you by because you made that choice, the voice told him bleakly. -- Realizing this, Wally can now make a new choice for a new future.

YAY Rash!!! Turkish food is the only rival to Moroccan in the Near/Middle East. AMAZING!! CJ bemoaned the fact he might have to give up smoking pot if hired. -- Even in the Biden Administration. The one lucid section of his mind took over. -- Saints be praised! I remember how upset CJ was when he fucked Chipper while Chipper fucked Ozzie. I can't imagine the fallout if this hook up had gone wrong. So, just to prevent future problems, I'll take Tarik off their hands.

He may have mentioned once or twice. Maybe early on? I expect the trash talking from some, but not from CJ, Harley, or Owen. They would rightly be ballistic if other ethnic slurs were used. It sets up a barrier for people who won't put up with it, or are downright assaulted by it (eg, many Asians and Pacific Islanders). Stop the Anti-Asian Hate!

Someone who's seen the video, realizes Wally needs a friend, and offers himself. This is the picture of generosity of self. Well done, Javier!

Harley getting some on his Wisconsin summer visits? WOW! "If I crash and die, I crash and die." -- It's not the crash and die part. It's the crash and LIVE part that's so hard. Owen should get CJ into a long-term care facility to see what that's like. "Jap rice burners"? -- Seriously? Color me nonplussed. Such derogatory language. It's bully language designed to denigrate and dismiss. Why deliberately offensive? There’s a food truck selling breaded, deep-fried pickles stuffed with a hot dog. -- A friend of mine posted a pic of a pickle stuffed with a Snickers bar. It's called the Snickle. multi-tiered structure with water cascading down its sides into the shallow pool of water in front of the center -- ooooh, backyard water feature!!! Not sure what the neighborhood historical society will go for, though. "I’ll agree with one thing: your ass is privileged. Why do you think I like to visit on a regular basis?" -- Incorrect. Owen's ass is privileged BECAUSE CJ visits it so often.

An Aquaracer? Is Owen a diver? A fortnight after the Christmastime trip -- a fortnight? what language is this, O master of tales? For Olga, Cesar, CJ, Ritchie on Abo's death -- Earth has no sorrow that Heaven cannot heal. Yet, I will not say: do not weep; for not all tears are an evil.

A fun chapter, completely different from what CJ and Oz have done before. “No matter how thorough the inspections, the chances are real good we’ll discover problems once we start tearing down walls.” -- It's true of every renovation I've ever been part of, but it's CJ's first so how could he know? Lead. Asbestos. Improper wiring. Crazy plumbing. Dry rot. Damaged beams. Welcome to disappointment and delay. WINE CELLAR!!!! And a Tesla solar roof!!! I am LOVING Owen's taste!! I'm wondering about DC's tree canopy, though, and the orientation of the roofing. “Shut the bloody hell up, CJ. Don’t even kid about that.” -- Good thing CJ's lawyer can calm him down. Has he never heard of terroristic threats? The boy needs some classes in diplomacy, I tell ya! 1000 bottles of Salon 2002 Le Mesnil Blanc de Blancs Brut, at $1000 a bottle. Good thing he's building a wine cellar. Not only do they have the resources but the family being in the construction business has to help. -- Or they may be tempted to take some sort of shortcut to "fix" it.

But he got his start at the lower end. Got himself sued a few times for discrimination, too. And, really, Trump Tower is a slum.

I was thinking their in-law who's gotten away with this crap for years.

Hey, who's that talking to CJ and Owen? Ken was warned. The matter was explained to him. Nonetheless, he persisted. He's lucky he only got backed into a wall. Ken is NOT harmless, he's a serial harrasser. He's gonna get himself hurt and his employer sued if he keeps it up. No way this would be condoned if a guy did this to a woman, in New York, in 2017, unless it was Andrew Cuomo or a slum developer. Damien is just a narcissitic ass. And the Black Amex was a nice touch.