Luca E

It feels odd commenting on a story people read over two years ago, but it wasn't bad as an opening chapter. Maybe I'd have liked to have encountered the other three band members, because I'm interested in how they will react to this, but I guess that will come.

A word about inadvertently gay spiders, current songs and recipes worth trying. That's a wild ass and the most shazamed songs of the week, although, inadvertently gay, that's not sure, perhaps we should have stuck with the big assed super hero? Now that really is a wild recipe. Oh crap! We forgot the spiders...

"I know very little about homosexual relationships, but I know a lot about love." That's all that matters.

Twenty-five years ago, when I began writing queer SF, there were over a dozen gay bookstores in the United States... ...if you didn't find what you were looking for on the shelves, you could learn about new books in the pages of Christopher Street or The Advocate or the gay newspapers that every major city in the United States supported. ...one would think homophobia did not exist in those days. But it did: bookstores were vandalized, patrons were thankful for paper bags hiding the books they bought, and if you were not a young white male who moved to San Francisco or New York City, you likely found a distance between yourself and the characters in the books. Nowadays, while independent bookstores are recovering, gay bookstores are all but extinct. So too the daily newspapers, the print literary magazines, where you could discover a good book. ...in 1986 a man in a small town in a conservative state might happen upon a book in the library or if he traveled to a large city, but now he can purchase any book from Amazon.com with the confidence of anonymity. And how many choices he has! I'll mention the elephant in the room: no, you do not have to be a gay cis-gendered man to be a successful author of gay fiction. This has never been an issue. Kushner considered herself straight when she wrote Swordspoint. Mary Renault had a tremendous following for her historical novels (and likely still does). Annie Proulx and 1997's "Brokeback Mountain" . . . need I say more? Do not think either your gender or sexuality limits your writing. Gay anthologies are rare and most are romance-themed because that reaches, arguably, the most readers, who also do not happen to necessarily be gay men. The genre of m/m fiction has become a popular one, and its target audience is not gay men but female readers, many of whom identify as heterosexual. General gay fiction novels remain a hard sell. Social media, such as Facebook and Twitter, is full of authors trying to promote their own books. Rather than shout into the abyss an Amazon.com link, start a meaningful dialogue about gay life that your book touches upon. ...do you fret about your book having too much erotic content? Obviously among the small presses, some are more tolerant of sex scenes than others. But I don't know any gay man who has ever said, "Whoa, there is a penis in this book and I found I had to stop reading." Are you worried that you'll be pigeonholed? Don't be. I can give you the names of dozens of acclaimed authors (Laird Barron, Kelly Link, Holly Black, Paul Tremblay) who wrote the occasional gay-themed story; ...ask yourself why you are writing a gay-themed story... because I want to write a tale where I can see myself as the protagonist, where gay men can have adventures, find love as well as heartache. Too often gay people are confronted with negative representations in media and entertainment. You have the opportunity to change that depiction, and today is as good as any other day to try. Extracts from the blog by Steve Berman - Strange Horizons http://strangehorizons.com/non-fiction/columns/some-advice-from-a-gay-publisher-on-writing-gay/

...gay fiction is about living life as a gay person (or bisexual, pansexual, asexual, the term gay is used because that's the term most used for this fiction)... the goal of the story is not romance. The story realistically touches on just living life with a sexuality that is not heterosexual. ...a romance, whether you enjoyed it or not, you probably noticed a lot of unrealistic things about the novel. The characters constantly think about each other, there was likely a Happy Ever After or Happily For Now ending, they fell in love very rapidly, the sex was wildly passionate and amazing. Obviously, not what most people experience in real life, right? Not to say that all romance fans are female; ...m/m romance is not an exception; it's written for women. Some of you are probably going to reel back like, No way, it has gay characters and they're men, you can't seriously be writing for women, that's not possible. Actually, it is. (Gay fiction books) books are typically published either in small niches of mainstream companies or from small LGBT presses, many of which are now online. "Gay" is put in front of fiction, and the genre describes gay fiction. When you put "gay" or "m/m" in front of romance, the genre describes romance, ...many of these novels (published by publishing companies) take place in alternate universes where being a man and having a man for a partner are not only not looked down upon but normal and even expected. Romance Characters Act One Way; Realistic Characters Act Another. ...most hetero romance features these large, muscled men... m/m romance can and has featured everything from these guys to smaller, more effeminate twinks to the über-amazing, heavyset and often cuddly bears. Gay fiction, as said before, is realistic fiction and therefore the goal is to make the characters and their lives as true-to-life as possible while still telling a dynamic story. In a genre (m/m romance) that does not focus on the real lives of realistic characters, almost anything goes. What might be best for the gay fiction community is that it stops criticizing romance for not being realistic and, just perhaps, starts to work on accumulating more realistic stories to better reflect its culture. All the extracts are from an article published in Mibba Creative Writing, the full article is on this link: http://www.mibba.com/Articles/Literature/6535/Gay-Fiction-vs-M-M-Romance/

Try to paste from the clipboard instead of copy/paste from the document. For me this preserves the correct new line spacing and new paragraph spacing, one blank, two blank, lines respectively. Italics, bold, are not saved and copied and need to be edited in online or don't use them because editing online is not too easy.

If you take a look at the stats on book reading you get some interesting information: The median number of books read by Americans is less than 4 per year. 14% of Americans cannot read, that's 32 million. More than 60% of high school seniors (USA) read below grade level. Most popular fiction genre is Romance, followed by Crime/Mystery, Religious/Inspirational, Sci-fi/Fantasy. Most popular genre with young adults is Fantasy. Romance novels raked in $1.44 billion in book sales last year. Non-fiction outsells fiction by nearly 3 to 2. Source: https://www.tonerbuzz.com/blog/book-and-reading-statistics/

No, no longer a teenager, and I'm not too sure any younger reader would even join here or leave a comment, which doesn't mean they wouldn't read it. I think authors worry needlessly about readers not liking stuff. Certainly there are some who for their own personal reasons stop reading when difficult topics are evoked. Not my case, I'll read it to the end.

You don't say, but the story has a feeling of being autobiographical. The spring time of burgeoning sexuality, the discovery of an unknown new world hitherto hidden, in an age of innocence and ignorance, when things were different, but the physical development the same. Nice window into the late fifties and dawning sixties.

If you like, or even if you don't, sci-fi, I recommend Great book, well written!

Any author seeking a wider readership could give a little thought to their story synopsis. Example: your story is about a boy who is a freshman. If you intend to capture a US American audience (and a few Asian countries), saying - Joe Smith was entering freshman year at James Western High School... is fine. If you want a wider, international audience, it's not a great description. Why? Because a freshman is not universally known. Maybe a UK reader might think "fresher," but it's not a commonly used term for a first year university student and has nothing to do with a freshman. The former is 17 or 18, the latter 14 or 15. To be clear: I am only talking about the story synopsis. Add a couple of words - Joe Smith was fifteen and entering freshman year at James Western High School, and the whole world knows who the protagonist is. Look up Freshman in Wiki and you will get an idea of just how different every country's school systems are and it's confusing. There is nothing to change in the rest of the story, because with a couple of words in the synopsis we all know what a freshman is!

No, it's a link to Google, so nothing happens!

I don't have Google docs so have no idea what the themes are, but I guess most people here use Google so I am probably an isolated case. Good luck with the Anthology, I'll discover what it is when the vote is over.

Me too! I remembered reading a book, a work of fantasy/fiction/sci-fi, however you label it, featuring Gilgamesh and the flood. This was some time ago, but intrigued I went searching and found it, not on this site unfortunately: https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/33327/neon No doubt many authors have been inspired by the ancient legend.

Dance over the Thunderclouds by Georgie D Hainaut is a gritty, realistic portrayal of a descent into hell. The story of one boy's abuse and struggle through the depths of mental illness. A tragedy which plunges the reader into a dark world which brings you face to face with an uncomfortable and challenging reality. However, even with the dark theme this story in it's own way is uplifting. There may be no happy ending, but there are moments of joy and hapiness. The constant struggle with personal demons is always there, but at the same time, there are those rare individuals willing to go the course and offer their friendship, love, and help. This is a very human tale, told in a very sensitive way, and it cannot fail to touch you. It may make you look at how you view mental illness, it may make you angry, it will definitely raise strong emotions. It's a rollercoaster, but compelling, no matter the grim realism. A final word, English is not the author's mother tongue and for this you need to make a certain allowance. Having said that, the story is very understandable and not difficult to read, apart from the subject matter itself. In my opinion this story raises itself above the average and might easily gain a literary prize, at the very least you ought to take a look so long as you want to read a real life tragedy and can cope with the intensity.

It was a wonderful and beautiful story with a tragic ending and yet the way you wrote the tragedy was sublime and full of love and in a way Dominic laid to rest his troubled life which despite everything he endured still had moments of joy and happiness. There was a tear in my eye, an enduring sadness at the end, but real life isn't much like fantasy and there is nothing to apologise for telling it as it is. Of course there are readers who seek escapism, entertainment, and a nice happy ending, this story may not be for them, but it is not sickening. It is well written, sensitively written, and pretty damned good, an excellent piece of writhing which might easily earn a place as book of the month, it could win a prize, because, quite simply, it is on another level. Well done, I loved it.

I did too and I screwed it up and he died, I find it hard to forgive myself.

The committing (forced, non-consensual) to a psychiatric hospital in Germany seems like it should be re-examined. I live in France where such an action is similar to what @Petey describes for Canada. In brief: 72 hours (maximum) confinement ordered by the Préfet, but this can be changed to 24 hours after examination by a professional. In the first instance of committal to a hospital the doctor signing the certificate must be a doctor who does not work at the hospital (independent). The patient is evaluated after 24 hours and again at 72 hours (if kept in hospital). Then 2 separate doctors must each sign a certificate to prolong the stay in hospital and this every month. A judge must review the stay in hospital on the 12th day. In brief: the protection of the patient appears very archaic in Germany and your system of health care and civil liberties needs reviewing. For a progressive major European country what you describe is rather shocking. I'm not sure how this compares across Europe, but it ought to be brought to the attention of the European Parliament, after all, we are talking about basic human rights to proper care and protection. I have not read this in it's entirety: https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.euro.who.int/__data/assets/pdf_file/0020/280604/WHO-Europe-Mental-Health-Acion-Plan-2013-2020.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwi25tiRx-H6AhUIQRoKHbeoDd8QFnoECDAQAQ&usg=AOvVaw3moKjV8F5iEomNdyLE1Foa It is the European Mental Health Action Plan 2013 - 2022. The link is a PDF to download.

You do yourself an injustice thinking readers would stop at the first chapter. Sure there is a little language thing, but the story and the way it's told by far outweigh that, it is easily readable and well narrated. Okay, a lot of people tend to stick with one or two favourite authors so they won't discover anything new, but that's life, nothing ventured nothing gained, their loss.

I understand patient confidentiality, but Tobi is Dominic's partner and also in some part his carer. Monika, if she isn't able to share Dominic's history could explain without going into detail or better still, could ask Dominic if she could share some aspects of what he has been through with Tobi. As things are, Tobi is a part time carer in the dark about what might trigger Dominic, because he knows hardly anything about his past abuse. There ought to be some way to react to a triggered crisis and not simply standing watching and then pumping the boy full of sedatives to sleep it off like a drunkard. And what's with committing him to be restrained by the court for a minimum of two weeks in a psychiatric hospital? That normally is decided by the psychiatrist. If he poses no threat to himself or others he could be sent home?

Another great chapter with a very interesting insight into therapeutic psychology and the use of a trained dog to support the patient. I couldn't help but make the comparison with the huge teddy bear Tobi had given Dominic in hospital. Cuddly furry creatures provide comfort, that's for sure, every kid has their little friend, for adults living furry animals work better.

I was about to reply to @Petey with the same answer that unless the person is a dangerous person they do get released to end up who knows where. I would not call this a shocking story, but so far one full of hope. Tobi still has Dominic with him, trying to care and help, which is not easy, not easy at all. Having had contact with mentally ill people it can be very challenging and scary. The only thing Tobi has failed to do and Monika failed to set up, is some outpatient after hospital care. Dominic should be seeing someone on a regular basis to help him find as normal a balance as possible. It is also surprising he is not prescribed drugs, usually medication is given as a remedy to keep the person out of hospital. I don't believe that is any sort of cure or even desirable, but sometimes maybe it is necessary, I don't know, but some help is needed. The two of them on their own have very little chance of surviving. All Dominic's past childhood trauma needs to be worked on, with professional help. As things are, one or two potential disasters have been narrowly avoided. He could have disappeared in the city, but for a kind old lady, he could have jumped out of the car and killed himself. This threat has not gone away just because by chance he survived.

Another excellent chapter (I am quite liking these long chapters). The story and characters are engaging the aspect noir of the fiction makes the story interesting and stand out from the majority. The development of Dominic's mental state is very realistically described. The little back stories of the other characters add to the story, they could be further developed, especially Tobi, who we know very little about which makes me very curious.

Comments, reactions and critiques: let's start with critique, it is very difficult to read a chapter of 20k words. It's a book, or novella, and dividing it into smaller chapters would make life easier. For one thing, finding where you left off, for another, I couldn't even copy and paste to read off line because it's too big for my tablet's clipboard. Next point: it would be even better if the English was tidied up to be, well, more readable. I guess you translated it or anyway did your best, and I applaud you, but the story deserves to be tweaked around a bit to read like English ought to read. Final point (on critique) why make concessions to American readers even if that is your target audience. The book is set in Berlin, the guy weighs 54 kilos, I don't have a clue (note: clue not clou) what 120 pounds is! Germans don't use cell phones, they use telefons or handys! If you must you can explain in brackets, but it's easy enough to Google and I like learning about other cultures which includes the language. Reactions: great story, well told, very realistic, could be outstanding with a few improvements. That's why I hit loved it, for you the author, not the harrowing tale of a decent into hell. But actually it is a real story, there are lots of guys like that or in comparable states and everyone is inclined to desert them, including me. And I feel terribly guilty for ignoring such a cry for help, only sometimes it's hard to handle. Quite often it ends in tragedy and people die. Comments: the reactions you get and comments are often directed at the storyline, the plot and history. People tend to ignore the writing. The story is compelling and I read all 20k words despite the niggles I've critiqued. In summary, absolutely superb job, well done.

Nice daemon, can't quite imagine what he looks like, except he's tall and big!