JLynch

Great beginning and very well written!

Father Sterling. Carey rolled the name around in his head. Did it fit? He closed his eyes visualizing himself as a Catholic priest. Trying to wipe his mind of the sexual feelings and bury his past experiences, he thought about becoming a priest. One problem: he wasn’t Catholic. He even attended a Sunday Mass to see what it was all about but nothing about the service resonated with him. He was bored. When he noticed a cute altar boy with freckles and bright red curly hair, he thought to himself,

As he lay on his stomach, warm and cozy, dead to the world, Carey was vaguely aware of the side of the mattress being depressed. He felt Harper slowly pull the covers off of him. She gently placed her soft hand on the inside of his thigh and nudged his legs apart. “Uhhhh…” he groaned softly. Here we go again, he thought as he mentally girded himself for the first sex of the day. Eyes still closed, he felt the mattress depress slightly on either side of his body as she straddled him.

This is indeed the Bell from chapter 1. Note that the time period has been rolled back one year from chapter 1 where Toby and Bell first meet.

You’re correct about the definition of the word, “manse.” However, in the world of privileged old money people have a way of making up their own names for things, especially nicknames for each other. After all, it would seem gauche to refer to their house accurately as a mansion, which it arguably was. So, the next best thing, imply that it is by calling a “manse.” Thanks so much for your comments.

I’m glad you’re enjoying my little tale. Read on!

Derbyshire. A small village in a quaint setting. Cute little gift shops, a small town hardware store, dry cleaners, and a gas station with just two pumps at the end of Main Street. Harper’s home town. “I havta go home this weekend. Can you take me?” “Sure, why not?” Carey said automatically. If he’d thought about it for more than a half of a second, he would have said, no. He needed sleep and his dick needed some down time. But, there it was. When Carey rolled up to Harper’s

You’re right, Leslie. Carey doesn’t know jack.

Freshman year. Carey entered college with all of the feelings and emotions every first year college student feels. Nervous, excited, apprehensive. He was happy to be in a new place and even happier about being in a big city with everything it had to offer. Sexually confused. That was putting it mildly. After a couple of arresting, troubling, and confusing close calls with other guys and one empty relationship with a girl during high school, then that extraordinary experience with Apollo, he

Carey’s ID fell out of his wallet: a nice guess, but no. You may get a clue as to how Apollo knew where Carey lived at a later point in the story. Thank you so much for reading my work. I’m grateful for the feedback.

Anton…Thank you for your generous comments. The character Apollo and the situation where Carey discovered him are almost identical to what I experienced myself. Stopped waiting for a red light to change, I glanced to my left to see a man holding a sign next to the road. Nearby, a boy, looking roughly similar to the way I described Apollo, sat amongst grass and weeds a few feet away. Head down. I could barely see his face. I was going to reach some money through my car window but, just then, the light changed to green. Just like 95% of the people, I drove on*. My imagination stimulated, I got to my computer and created Apollo. *I’ve been involved with a non-profit in the past that, amongst other groups, supports an organization called Teens Alone. In spite of the fact that I live in the highest income quadrant of my city, over 100 teens in the area are deemed homeless on any given day. Teens Alone helps them get temporary shelter and other services.

Thanks very much. Although my writing includes a fair amount of sexual activity, I like to think that the characters are the real drivers of the stories. If you think about it, stoned out hippies could very likely resonate somehow with Rocky.

Thanks so much for your comment. How Apollo’s father knew where Carey lived and where else he might have looked for him are extraneous details, not critical to the story’s flow.

Double burger, large fries, and a large soft drink. Carey had been famished but, strangely, the moment the counter server handed him the bag and drink, he lost his appetite. Following a lame attempt to pack for college, Carey decided to get something to eat. After leaving the fast food joint a few blocks away from home, he thought he might take the food home and eat it later. For curiosity’s sake, he took the long way, returning to the boulevard where he’d first seen the man and the boy.

August. A year ago. Naked, gasping, the cum about to burst out of his cock. Carey was surrounded by a bunch of old men. His eyes circled the room so he could see the hungry expression on each man’s face. Clenching his eyes shut, he saw a guy he knew from school who was the recurring star of his masturbation fantasies bent over a bed, his legs spread wide, his ass open wide for him. His dark hole beckoned. At that moment, he came. The first shot of spunk hit the bathroom door, the rest

Thanks for your comments. It’s interesting to find that you think it’s a complete short story right now. In fact, it was originally written as just that. I composed it as a kind of writing exercise. The story sparked something in my imagination, resulting in a full length novel. In fact, two novels, this current one a mash of the previous ones. Stay tuned! Dimwad is a young man’s slang for dimwit. “Dim” as in dumb, “wad” as in a spitball.

Coming of age, coming out, sexual confusion, seduction. These themes and others are explored in the winding tale of Toby, Carey, and their friends, loves, and acquaintances.

July. “Two adults? That’s twenty-four.” Entering the fee and swiveling the tablet around, the man swiped his credit card and signed the screen. Flipping it back, he saw that the man had added a twenty per cent tip. Sweet! Toby thought to himself. Cripes it was hot! Midsummer of his seventeenth year, he’d taken the job at the Tybee Lighthouse after burning out as a stock clerk at Chu’s, the local convenience store and gas station. The upside: he was outside for the summer. T

I’m compelled to keep reading because this story has so many interesting elements, but leaves so much out. Even though the characters are so vague, there’s just enough there to make them interesting. How old is RB? It’s hard to tell from the narrative although the way he’s written, it makes you think he’s a young teen.

This is a great start to what will hopefully be a good story. One of the better ones I’ve started on this platform or any other. I like the characters. I find it interesting that you have not used any physical descriptions. Tell me about that.

I agree with the others. Nice set-up to your story. Very well written and cleanly edited. How frequently are you releasing chapters? How long is your book?