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    Clueless Camping by Timothy M

    in Stories Discussion Forum

    Posted

    OK the good news is that another 8,000 word chapter has just been shipped to AC for beta reading.

    And I'm still feeling inspired so I'm hoping another chapter will follow within a week or two.

    But the not-so-good news is that chapters do take a while to get through beta, rewriting, then Kitt editing, and finally me fussing over details.

     

    However, at least there IS a new chapter in the pipeline, which was not the case before. So please be patient and send lots of nice thoughts to AC. :)

    half the chapter is already returned, but our author just added another section....ummmm, the life of a beta, huh? 

    • Like 3

    Poetry Prompt 3 – LYRICS

    in Peeks and Prompts

    Posted

    So another attempt at the poetry prompts (don't think I can manager the meter one--iambic pentameter requires way to much thought right now).  Syllables, I can manages those!  Something to get the words flowing this morning (okay, well, afternoon now), hopefully!

     

    I'm Awake (sort of) 

    https://www.gayauthors.org/story/craftingmom/attemptsatpoetry/2

    Thanks for taking the challenge! I hope you keep metre and syllable length in mind as you delve further into having fun with poetry.

    • Like 1

    Poetry Prompt 5 – Rhymes and Couplets

    in Peeks and Prompts

    Posted

    Here's my attempt at this, poetry is not really my thing (and certainly not rhymes), so I wanted to try the challenge

     

    https://www.gayauthors.org/story/craftingmom/attemptsatpoetry/1

    I just love to hear that you decided to take the challenge precisely because it is challenging. I am the same way :)

     

    The way your poem flows is very good to me. I love how you seemed to capture the indecision and faltering stop-and-go at the beginning, and then that becomes overrun by excitement and free-flowing ideas as the poem comes to a climax. Really nice - I hope decide to stick with it and try some more rhymes!   

    Poetry Prompt 5 – Rhymes and Couplets

    in Peeks and Prompts

    Posted

    I can't watch the video either. I copied the lyrics from the internet and spent a couple of hours composing :)

     

    The Oracle

    Thanks for taking the challenge! I feared no one would be game for this one, but so far so good with the responses. 

     

    I like the somber and rather musical lilt to your poem. I think it is perfect for a classical musical setting. Good job!

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    Poetry Prompt 5 – Rhymes and Couplets

    in Peeks and Prompts

    Posted · Edited by AC Benus

    Poetry Prompt 5 – Rhymes and Couplets

     

    Let's Write some Rhymed Couplets!

    Why use rhyme at all..? There are a few different reasons; one is to enhance rhythm. We have studied the way in which a poet like Emily Dickinson used alternating rhythms of metre to accent her lines, and she could also choose to punctuate her meanings with rhyme if she wanted to. So that leads us to the second reason, emphasis. You can draw attention to the concept you are presenting in the poem by putting a literary exclamation point on it through use of a Couplet (a matched rhyme in two consecutive lines). The third reason is for humor, for let's face it, the Couplet is difficult to do in English because it can come off sounding hokey. Shakespeare made fun of poor poets in As You Like It. The love-stricken Orlando nails heartfelt verse to the local trees in honor of Rosalind. When found, the jealous Touchstone makes up his own Couplets to knock the young lovers:

     

    Sweetest nut from sourest rind,

    Such a nut is Rosalind.

     

    Early English poets loved the rhyming Couplet, as it was foreign to ancient Latin and Greek poetry, and was thus considered something new. It first appeared in Italian or French lyric verse, and then became very popular, even though it's far more challenging to rhyme in this language than in the Romance tongues. Nevertheless, some beautiful and powerful Couplets have come down to us through the ages. Many people know them by heart, like Helen Hunt Jackson's lines:

     

    Bee to the blossom, moth to the flame;

    Each to his passion, what's in a name?[1]

     

    In her lines one can feel the power of the imagery, for although the same sentiments can be said in a simpler way, the poetics of the way she presents the basic idea makes it unforgettable.  

    Couplets are also excellent for lightheartedness and sexual innuendo. Witness this gem from John Donne:

     

    Licence my roving hands, and let them go

    Behind, before, above, between, below.

     

    Or sometimes, out and out silliness and humor. W. H. Auden wrote a performance translation of a Goldoni opera libretto named Arcifanfano, King of Fools, as set by the composer Karl Ditters.[2] In his production, Auden chose to stick with Couplets throughout because they lead to some hilarious moments. Like these:

     

    But who's this modest maiden,

    Not with brains overladen?

     

    Such as she seems to be frigid,

    With principles too rigid.

    They blush and retreat and say no,

    And when you touch them, erupt like a volcano!

     

    So how can we build a complex piece in a more serious mode using Couplets? By using the tools we have already learned about – that poetic lines are constructed considering syllable length (either plain or marched into a pattern of metre); that lyrical verse arises when the patterns are rhythmically matched (all lines are the same length) or alternated (lines follow a back and forth use of two different lengths); and that form is there to offer freedom of expression. Any poetical form takes time to master, but once mastery is gained, you can do anything you want with it.

    Here is an example of what I mean. A couple of years ago I wanted to provide a translation for a particular piece of music in one of my stories. Although the original German lyrics make use of a single rhyme throughout, I knew that in English that would sound forced and bizarre. Answer? Couplets! Here is the result. You can find the music here; open it in a separate window and listen along as you read the lyrics. My aim was not to provide a slavish reiteration of the original words, but to create a beautiful performance poem that can both carry the meaning of the poet and the weight of the music.                 

     

    Sleeping softly, or so it seems,
    Heaven enters us in our dreams;
    Angels hover round about,
    Showing they comfort doubt;
    Two are singing sweetly,
    Two with blossoms neatly
    Spread a bed of roses,
    And there my heart reposes,
    For heaven will not forsake
    We who at dawn must awake.

     

    The prompt: write your own set of five Couplets using the music provided here. You have a choice of being serious or silly, it's up to you. If serious, write about how you hope to meet your goals and ambitions for the coming new year. If you are feeling silly and irrelevant, write about how lame this challenge is, or anything else you like. The point is, practice, practice, practice! Get a feel for letting rhyme come to you as you construct Couplets.     

     

     

     

     

    ------------------------------------------------

     

    [1] Jackson was a school friend of Emily Dickinson, and apparently their relationship was one that started off romantically. The surviving letters between them hint at this very strongly. See Rebecca Patterson's book, The Riddle of Emily Dickinson, Boston 1951.  

    [2] You can buy the Auden-directed production recording of the work here:

    https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/dittersdorf-arcifanfano-king/id162471301

    • Like 7

    Bound & Bound--the Curse and the Captives

    in Promoted Author Discussion Forum

    Bound & Bound--the Curse and the Captives

    in Promoted Author Discussion Forum

    Posted

    and almost every detail is important and paying attention is a must for this story.

    I think I can say this without spoiling anything. :)

    It's certainly one of the most complex and intriguing tales I've come across in a long time.

    I came to recognize this element in my writings, so that is why i tend to keep my chapters short - if they are too long (like in The Round People) people cannot comfortably enjoy them. Thank you, Tim 

    • Like 2

    Bound & Bound--the Curse and the Captives

    in Promoted Author Discussion Forum

    Posted · Edited by AC Benus

    .....Things that go bump in the night....

     

    The imagery is outstanding...AC's writing makes a person think, but it is never a chore...while it makes you pay attention to every detail and doesn't allow for lazy reading, the payback makes the focusing very worthwhile, if at times demanding. I have said it before but it bears repeating...there is no one else on GA quite like him....This new book has me enthralled....

    Thank you, Gary! This is an amazing compliment. 

    • Like 3

    Bound & Bound--the Curse and the Captives

    in Promoted Author Discussion Forum

    Posted

     

    And now we have Emeric, feeling more alone than ever, riding to his father's funeral after the late-night summons...the stone gate-house, the ancient pile of church buildings amongst obelisks and monuments to the Departed...a summer day in which I still find that same chill as the night of his visitation.

     

    Your description is so evocative, but as they say, a picture is worth a thousand words! Here is the gateway to The Necropolis Cemetery in Toronto (one of the city's oldest, and probably about of the most macabre-named burial yards anywhere in the world). Lookie here: 

     

    http://www.mountpleasantgroup.com/Default.aspx?DN=c7ebd098-9758-4900-a67b-c0b8d716a0c3

     

    And here is the cemetery's official webpage, in case you are shopping around ;)

     

    http://www.mountpleasantgroup.com/pre-planning/cemeteries/properties/n

    • Like 2

    Bound & Bound--the Curse and the Captives

    in Promoted Author Discussion Forum

    Posted

    In this Novel, we meet Emeric Corvin, a Young man, troubled in Life, troubled in Love....Waking from a Nightmare to a Darkness full of Dread--is he still Dreaming, or is this an all-too-alarming Reality? I was strongly reminded of Edgar Allan Poe's masterpiece The Raven, a piece which has always sent chills up my spine, and I found myself fighting the urge to look over my shoulder and duck as he swung his hockey-stick at the bird in his room....

     

    And now we have Emeric, feeling more alone than ever, riding to his father's funeral after the late-night summons...the stone gate-house, the ancient pile of church buildings amongst obelisks and monuments to the Departed...a summer day which I still find that same chill as the night of his dream.

     

    Now I am reminded of my other favorite film, Hitchcock's The Birds--I'm going to have bad dreams tonight I think, influenced by AC's imagery of dark nights and final resting places.

    Thanks, ColumbusGuy, for setting up this forum! Dang, now I'm getting tired, and I guess I better get to bed early for my big day tomorrow. I don't want to dash off a reply to your forum posting and miss stuff. So, I will limit myself to saying thanks for now, and tomorrow I will come back with info to share, and some links to the places already mentioned in the story.

    • Like 3

    Poetry Prompt 4 - METER 1

    in Peeks and Prompts

    Posted

    Ok, I'm still mulling over a holiday-based example, but here's one I thought about yesterday.

    We all love candy bars, right..?

     

     

     

    Milton Hershey thought that if one could see

    An empty wrapper then, his work was done.

    All the toil of an adman's brain was free

    If his Chocolate's name could, glint in the sun.

    lol, I just saw that Milton's middle name was 'Snavely.' What were his parents thinking..? 

    Poetry Prompt 4 - METER 1

    in Peeks and Prompts

    Posted

    Ok, I'm still mulling over a holiday-based example, but here's one I thought about yesterday.

    We all love candy bars, right..?

     

     

     

    Milton Hershey thought that if one could see

    An empty wrapper then, his work was done.

    All the toil of an adman's brain was free

    If his Chocolate's name could, glint in the sun.

    • Like 2
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    Poetry Prompt 4 - METER 1

    in Peeks and Prompts

    Posted

    Thank you Irri for a concise and approachable introduction to this subject. I like the challenge of the actual prompt too, and as I was busy in the kitchen all day yesterday, I have ammunition. Hummm, maybe I should start myself off by having a Dickens of a time...

     

    It was the best of cakes, it was the worst of cakes, it was the treat of the wise, it was the delight of fools, it was the fruitcake of belief, it was the fruitcake of incredulity, etc...

     

    Haha! I'll have to work on that one ;)

    • Like 8

    Jay & Miles by ColumbusGuy

    in Stories Discussion Forum

    Posted

    Maybe it is because we live in different countries but I have never heard of the word "bitch" used to describe a promiscuous woman...It has always had the same meaning to me as it does now. I still remember my wonderful aunt referring to her daughter Karen, as a bitch...because she was always so miserable and cantankerous. My aunt had seven kids and they all referred to Karen in that way...and that was in the late sixties. Now if you called a woman an old bag...that was like calling them a slut....just saying...cheers

    The famous, or rather notorious, mid 1970's Saturday Night Live sketch where Dan Aykroyd would called Jane Curtain "an ignorant slut" was the censor-allowed substitute for his original text: "Jane, you ignorant bitch." And he's Canadian!

     

    This whole thing was a very minor and discreetly mentioned item to CoulmbusGuy in a private message - I wish he wouldn't have taken it public without asking me first. This is not something I wish to discuss...in public  :unsure:     

    • Like 2

    Jay & Miles by ColumbusGuy

    in Stories Discussion Forum

    Posted · Edited by AC Benus

    On the term 'bitch,' as I PM'd you, your usage is the modern one - meaning an irritable woman in general. 

     

    From what I remember in the 70's bitch was only ever used to refer to a promiscuous woman, and I doubt Jay mean to call his sister a slut in one of the earlier chapters, but maybe he did. ;)

    • Like 1

    Jay & Miles by ColumbusGuy

    in Stories Discussion Forum

    Posted

    You hit on it, AC...I was thinking that since he has one for Mikey, which will come up in the next chapter, he should have one.  Since his name is Jens, I'm wondering if Mikey will try calling him 'Jenny'?  :)  Not that he'd dare use that at school!

    but it would sound like 'Henny.' - And Mikey is already a nick name, lol - man those boys pile on the monikers, huh!

    • Like 1

    Jay & Miles by ColumbusGuy

    in Stories Discussion Forum

    Posted

    Gary is doing that for me as well...along with moral support which I also get from you and AC, and those who have helped me with tech stuff here.

     

    Any one got a nick name that would fit Jay?  Or does he need one?

    Jay is so cute, besides i thought 'Jay' was the nick name for his real, Danish name. No..? 

    • Like 2

    The Love Song of Lenny Bradshaw by Bryce Lee

    in Stories Discussion Forum

    Posted

    Bryce,

     

    I NEVER go into these forums, but AC reached out to me to check yours out and I'm glad I did.

     

    I didn't realize you were thinking of not continuing with the story. I'm very disappointed to hear that. I remember after I read your first chapter I was so stoked that I found something so exciting that I couldn't wait to read more. Your story drew me in from the first line. I was hooked. The writing is so natural and so real, it's really a pleasure to read. The relationship Casey has with his dad is wonderful, warm, loving, and above all: so f'n funny!!!! Just reading a typical conversation between them never fails to leave me with tears running down my face from laughing so hard. And then you so effortlessly turn that all around until I'm bawling like a baby during the heavy emotional scenes. Few writers can do that. I love the emotional highs and lows of the characters. I love knowing you practically force me to buy stock in Kleenex one minute, and the next I'm laughing my butt off at either Casey, his dad, or Lucas. :)

     

    I'm a very patient reader. There are stories on other sites that take a year sometimes to update. I will wait patiently until you are ready to tackle the story again. I can't imagine how hard it would be to spend all your time and energy creating this wonderful world, posting it for all of us to enjoy, and then waiting for feedback. And you know there are so many readers who don't review. But that's no reflection on you or your writing, Bryce. Lots of people don't feel comfortable leaving reviews (don't ask me why, I have no clue), but that doesn't mean they don't love your story.

     

    The Love Song of Lenny Bradshaw was one of those stories where I would check every day to see if there was an update and squeal like a little fangirl if there was. lol :P

     

    Bryce, take your time, do what you need to do for Bryce, and maybe by taking a few steps back, you'll remember why you wrote the story in the first place and you'll want to return to it.

     

    But please don't give up on it. It truly is a fantastic story. I've read lots of stories on here and on other sites, and Love Song is one of the best I have read. Honestly.

     

    Lisa

    Thank you, Lisa - this is exactly the kind of feedback I think Bryce needs to know is out there! And I agree with everything you say :) 

    Bryce,

    You know how I feel about "Love Song" and about your incredible writing skills...I miss both of them...a lot...I also understand that life happens, the best laid plans of mice and men and all that. I just want you to know how much I have appreciated you and your work. I sincerely hope that one day you will return. It is obvious to me that you are meant to write. I hope that you are happy and well and looking after yourself above all things. You have my devotion...Cheers...Gary

    Thank you, Gary for adding new encouragement to your previously stated views. I hope we can gently persuade Bryce.

    • Like 1

    The Love Song of Lenny Bradshaw by Bryce Lee

    in Stories Discussion Forum

    Posted · Edited by AC Benus

    Attention all Love Song lovers - I have written an email to our author and relayed our undying love for him as creative force and as a very skilled craftsman of his art. I asked him to reconsider not continuing on with this project, and relayed my personal story of setting my first novel, The Round People, aside for 20 years. I told him that having to constantly live with the regret of not finishing such an important piece as his book is will be a burden that I can personally attest to.     

     

    I hope all you dedicated readers will chime in here with your adamant support, and tell Bryce how much we love him. I have asked him to be sure and come back to the forum in a few days, so I hope each and every one of you will have a chance to write some personal message of encouragement for him. 

     

    Thank you all for your efforts,

    AC Benus 

    • Like 3
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