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JamesSavik

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  1. JamesSavik

    Vacation

    By JamesSavik,

    I'm leaving for parts unknown Friday and will be gone for a week.
     
    No phones, no computer, no stress and no saving complete idiots from their own self-made impossible situations.
     
    The last part I call work and I won't have to do any for 10 whole daze. Whoopie!
     
    I dread what disasters the f**k-wits at work may cause while I'm gone but screw it.
     
    That's how they know that I'm indispensable.
     
     
    _____________________________
     
     
    Look for my new story to launch in August.
  2. JamesSavik
    Do I think that a zombie apocalypse is inevitable or even likely?
     
    No. There is no fact or corollary of fact that can make the animation of dead tissue a reality. Maybe some sociopathic genius/moron is cooking up a 28 Days Later style virus in a lab but animated zombies just aren't going to happen.
     
    So what lessons can this genre teach us?
     
    Modern humans have been on this planet for ~60,000 years. This is a mere fly spec in comparison to the earth's age of 4.5 billion years. We have not seen everything that our planet or the universe can throw at us. In fact we can only now begin to intelligently imagine what wild-cards the universe can drop on the table.
     
    When we look at Zombie fiction, several major themes jump out at you.
     

    There is no guarantee of survival
    When the unexpected and the unexplained happen, expect people to react with confusion and panic
    Just because you can't understand what is happening does not mean that it can't kill you
    Civilization is a thin veneer that can be cracked as easily as turning off the electricity
    If you hesitate or fail to act, a zombie will soon be eating your brains

     
    In Max Brooks World War Z, the US government had the information for two full years and failed to act. This was because no one wanted to look stupid (those that did raise the alarm were transfered to Alaska) and the sitting President was afraid to lose the election. When things spiraled out of control, the election was the least of his worries.
     
    Let's change the threat. Think of zombies as a metaphor for an exceptionally dangerous threat that we have never seen before. Perhaps it is a rogue artificial intelligence, a lethal virus or a comet nudged out of its trajectory by Jupiter's gravity: can we expect our leaders to recognize the threat and respond responsibly and effectively? That's not at all clear.
     
    Look at the response the the Gulf Oil Spill. It has been a gold plated cluster f**k from the top down. We've got people citing environmental reasons for NOT blocking the oil from sensitive wetlands and causing an environmental catastrophe. Federal and state officials are locked in mortal combat over what to do and consequently nothing is being done. When Washington finally decided that there might be some political capital to be made by dumping on the oil companies, the president found out rather quickly that oil doesn't give a shit about presidential orders. All the kings horses and all the kings men can't cap that well.
     
    In fact the federal response to the Gulf Oil Spill has been a lot like the Soviet response to the Chernobyl Disaster in 1986: first deny the problem, refuse foreign assistance and finally let the problem get completely out of hand. It is this very formula that could lead to severe consequences in the event of a disaster that challenges the imagination and makes politicians afraid to act.
     
    I'm not expecting a Zombie Apocalypse anytime soon. What I do feel is inevitable that a global disaster or catastrophe that will threaten the survival of our civilization.
     
    When we look at the geological record of our planet, we can see the record of comet impacts, super-volcanic eruptions, climate changes, mass extinctions and civilizations that just up and vanished.
     
    It's not a question of IF, it's merely a question of WHEN.
  3. JamesSavik

    New Blog Launch

    By JamesSavik,

    On in your facebook I did something that I called My Cool Old Video of the day. Every day I posted links to classic rock songs on YouTube. It was very popular. I've decided to move that service to a free standing blog.
     
    You remember music videos don't you? They are what MTV used to play before they went to their all bullshit, all of the time format.
     
    YouTube has a fantastic treasure of videos- some good, some bad and some amazing- it just takes a little sorting to find the really good stuff.
     
    Cool Old Videos sorts through the fluff and delivers the classics.
     
    If you like classic rock, check it out. I need the hits!
     
    Let me know if there is any group that you would like to see profiled.
  4. JamesSavik
    I lost my father last September. This is my first father's day without him and its a very weird feeling.
     
    Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water, you spot the shark-fin of unresolved feelings.
     
    Toward the end of his life my father was profoundly disabled. He was partially paralyzed on his left side and could only walk short distances. It was difficult to see age and failing health strike a man who had always been so physical.
     
    His favorite Father's Day meal was at Outback Steak House. He was particularly fond of the Blooming Onion and always had a rib-eye.
     
    That was another thing about him. He was definitely a creature of habit. We were very different in this regard. I like the adventure of trying new things. He liked the certainty of what he knew.
     
    I'm glad that he's not suffering anymore but I miss him. Goodness knows that we had our issues over the years. I'm just glad that we had a chance to repair things and move forward.
  5. JamesSavik
    I'm going to the coast tomorrow to do some research.
     
    The little town of Kreole, MS is just west of the Alabama line. It sits along Highway 90 and is close to hundreds of square miles of salt marshes, bayous and wetlands.
     
    Kreole plays a key part in one of my upcoming books- call it on the scene research. I'll be taking photographs, talking to locals, walking around and will be taking roads off into the bayous and wetlands.
     
    If you want to see where I'm going search for Kreole, Mississippi on either Google maps or Google Earth.
     
    I live for stuff like this. Those swamps and wetlands go on for miles until they become the Gulf. Not all of our coastlines are sandy beaches. Salt marshes are a key feature of the Gulf Coast from Texas to Alabama. They make great places to fish and hunt but you sure wouldn't want to live there.
     
    There actually is a rare breed that does live out there. They are usually shrimp boat operators. They live in houses built on stilts. Believe it or not, many of those houses survived Katrina unscathed because they were built to take it. The people that live out there are very self reliant. One old fellow wasn't seen or heard of for six weeks after Katrina and did just fine.
     
    I'll be going to Bayou Heron, Bayou Cumbest, Orange Grove Road and Old Stage Road.
     
    Some of these places are very old. Places originally inhabitated by the Spanish or the French (because the Indians knew better to live in the malaria and yellow fever infested swamps).
     
    Many of these places were built and then built over on successive occasions and generations. The only two old Spanish Forts still in any kind of shape are in Pascagoula and Mobile. There was no effort to preserve them elsewhere. They were built in walking (or riding) distance of each other in colonial times- all centered around New Orleans of course.
     
    Over the years these bayous have been the home of all sorts of shenanigans and skulduggery. Pirates used them to hide from warships in the early Caribbean. They have since become a haven for smugglers of rum from Cuba during Prohibition and later drugs from Columbia and farther South.
     
    These are places that it wouldn't occur to most people to explore. I love them. To me they are the very edge of the map where the roads end and the adventure begins.
  6. JamesSavik
    God knows I love Science Fiction. I really do. I read the masters like Asimov, Clark, Gerrold, Heinlein and Herbert. I've got all the Star Wars, Star Trek movies and Babylon 5, Battlestar episodes on DVD. I've even tried writing some Science Fiction, not that I'm GREAT at it.
     
    I have seen science fiction as a force for good. It gets kids and adults excited about science and willing to learn. Millions of people pursued science and technology after being inspired by a short lived science fiction series in the sixties.
     
    What the SyFried Network is calling science fiction these days makes me want to vomit.
     
    I don't believe in ghosts, conspiracy theories or alien molestations. Horror is not science fiction. Dumbassed premises are not science fiction. Bad writing may be science fiction but its the sort you soon forget.
     
    Shall we look at a few SyFried Network originals? Tonight's Stonehenge Apocalypse is just another in a long line of stinking, reeking pieces of crap the SyFried Network has pawned off on us long suffering fans. They throw us horror, they throw us implausible bullshit scenarios and GAH *pukes in a trash can*
     
    All SyFried Network movies have the same plot. Bear with me here. I know making movies is hard and some standardization is necessary but the same plot for every one is a bit much. See if this rings a bell. There is a disgraced scientist. He's got a wacky theory/made a mistake or was politically f**ked over. He's working in fast food. There's a horrible crisis. The government sends General Numbnuts out and he thinks its a good idea to nuke every f**king thing in sight. Disgraced scientist rides in and saves the day with mere seconds on the clock despite being shot at by his own soldiers.
     
    How much harder would it be to TRY to do better? How much harder would it be to pretend to actually be inspired? Pretend for a moment that you aren't so condescending towards your audience that you are writing for morons. Pretend for a moment that what you are doing actually matters.
     
    People are watching. Kids are watching. You have a chance to inspire another generation, put them to sleep or make them change the channel. So what are you going to do? Continue assembly line bullshit or actually try to make something worth watching.
     
    There is a reason that people are changing the channel. It's not because they don't like science fiction. It is because you are writing and executing it so poorly. Hire me. I'll write a better script in a month than the whole f**king 10,000 blind monkies with typewriters shop that you currently employ. Just look at the drivel you are putting out. How could I possibly do any worse?
  9. JamesSavik
    Cats are immune to the virus that cause zombies.
     
    They can sense a zombie from a mile away and will become agitated. Since the Rising, cats have become the must have pet. No telling how many survivors owe their lives to ferocious feline soldiers named Fluffy or Mr. Biscuits.
     
    In fact, cats really hate zombies. It must be something about the way they smell.
     
    Many cats will attack zombies and attempt to claw their eyes out.
     
    One of the funniest damn things that you will ever see is a zombie with a pissed off cat on his head.
     
    Cat are fast and agile. Zombies are slow and clumsy. It's a classic mismatch like a line-man with two broken legs trying to cover a wide-receiver.
     
    If the zombie has advanced decay, a cat can take its head completely off.
     
    < F-ing zombies piss me off.
  11. JamesSavik
    There is an invisible world that surrounds us all. Actually there are several of them. People walk around them and through them all the time never notice. These worlds are only known to a few and are hidden in plain sight. They are everywhere but you will only see them if you know what you are looking for or if those worlds collide.
     
    _________________________________________
     
    You know I tease story ideas in my blog. Anyone intrigued?
  12. JamesSavik
    Food Porn
     

     
    I tried the new Kentucky Fried Chicken Double-down sandwich.
     
    It's frikin' awesome. Where else can you find all the awesomeness of fried chicken, cheese and bacon in one mouthful?
     
    I had one and... no chest pains!
     
     
    Cool Old Videos
     
    My facebook friends know that I post a cool old video from youtube every day with a special on Saturday night and a theme for the week. This week theme is the blues influence in early rock.
     
    Because Mondays suck and I want it to suck less, here's todays bonus video.
     


     
    Here's a bonus, bonus video for following my blog:
     


     
     
    End of the Gulf as We Know It
     
    It appears that British Peritoneum has screwed the pooch on a new and monumental scale that can even be seen from space.
     

     
    Disaster is word that has suffered from overuse. Tornadoes, hurricanes, earthquakes, tsunami are all disasters. This oil spill is so large that it threatens a unique way of life. It threatens people who have just gotten up off the matt after the most destructive and deadly hurricane in living memory and now have to face the death of an entire ecosystem.
     
    If the response to Katrina was a blunder by the Bush Administration, this is Obama's Chernobyl. Washington has done nothing of substance and has stood by and watched as this disaster has mushroomed out of control. If we can not contain this disaster soon, it will be so destructive that the costs will bankrupt not just BP and her underwriters but the complex web of economic interdependencies that tie countries and their economies together.
     
    The oil is already making landfall- and you can count the cost at 5 1/2 billion $ per day until the well is capped.
  13. JamesSavik
    the Second Time Around
     
     
    1979
     
    I first met Randy when we were sixteen. I met him at Frank's house- a guy from my football team that I screwed around with from time to time. He enticed me to come over by telling me about a kid from his neighborhood that wanted to join in.
     
    Randy was a shy kid. He wasn't big or athletic or a jock. He was cute and a lot more feminine than most of the guys I previously messed around with. What caught my attention was his bright, intelligent blue eyes.
     
    Frank treated him like a hooker. He grabbed Randy by his hair, shoved his cock in his mouth and started f**king his face and saying, "You like that don't you little bitch."
     
    I was appalled and said, "Dude, be cool."
     
    Frank was enjoying being rough and looked at me like I was nuts. "Don't tell me you're soft on this little faggit?"
     
    Randy got off of Frank's cock (which was not that long a trip) and said, "It's cool. I wouldn't let him do it like that if we hadn't known each other since diapers."
     
    Even at 16 I had seen some humiliating shit and treating people that way was a real turn off so I left the room. A few minutes later after Frank got his 2 minute nut, he joined me on the back porch for a smoke.
     
    I asked, "Where's Randy?"
     
    "He didn't think that you liked him so he left."
     
    Shaking my head I said, "It's not that. I just don't like seeing people treated that way."
     
    "I don't get you man. You're one of the roughest guys I know but you are so different with your clothes off."
     
    I grinned at him and said, "Better or worse?"
     
    "Better I guess."
     
    "Look man, I need to go. I'll see you later."
     
    Frank just laughed and said, "Randy's house is up towards Castle Hills."
     
    I drove my Grand Prix up the road to Castle Hills and I approached him from behind. He was tall and skinny wearing white tennis shorts, a crimson Alabama t-shirt and flip-flops.
     
    I drove up beside him and said, "Hey!"
     
    He jumped. He wasn't expecting me and gave me a wild eyed expression.
     
    I said, "You want to ride around?"
     
    He smiled, opened the passenger side door and got in. "Where you want to go?"
     
    I said, "Sometimes it ain't the destination, it's the ride."
     
    I drove to a nearby wooded lake and parked.
     
    He looked at me and said, "I didn't think you liked me back at Frank's."
     
    "That's not it. It was the way Frank treated you. I didn't like it. Do you want to smoke a joint?"
     
    Randy grinned and looked at me.
     
    I pulled out a joint and lit it. Feeling a little self-conscious, I said, "What?"
     
    Randy said, "You're not at all what I expected."
     
    I took a drag and passed it. "What did you expect?"
     
    "Another one of Frank's half-wit jock f**k-buddies who wants a blow job."
     
    "I like blow jobs."
     
    Randy took a drag and coughed. "Well, who doesn't. I mean there's more to you than that."
     
    I took the joint and said, "Thanks."
     
    Randy said, "For the joint?"
     
    I let my hit out and said, "No. Thanks for noticing. I have to be this ass kicking jock redneck to... I don't know. Survive? Fit in? Mostly to keep people from f**king with me. That's what I have to be. What I am, inside, where it matters, they can't have it. That's for me and the people I chose to share it with."
     
    Randy took the joint. I noticed he was looking a little stoned. He said something incredible. Something deep that I had longed to hear. He said, "I understand" and I believed him.
     
    I said, "So, would you like to see more of the real me?"
     
    He smiled and said, "I believe that I would."
     
    I got out of the car and pulled a blanket out of the trunk. We walked to a sunny clearing in the woods where I made love to Randy, gently and with respect. Afterwards we just lay there naked in the afternoon sun and talked for hours.
     
    I found out that quickly being Randy's boyfriend would just not work. A hood, stoner, thug like me and a preppy like Randy came from entirely different worlds. His mother would never accept me. My parents would never accept and effeminate guy being around me. However, over the next three years, we shared those worlds on occasion until life happened and took us in different directions.
     

    _____________________________________________________________________________
     
    2010
     
    I had not seen or heard from Randy in years when he friend requested me a few months ago on Facebook.
     
    Things started slow. We had both been down a lot of dark and lonely roads. Randy's long time mate David and my Jeff had both died of AIDS in 1996. We had both survived more than thrived. He's been sober and in AA for three years. I've been clean and sober in NA for five years.
     
    We both know that we're carrying a shitload of baggage and that we're both damaged goods but for some reason that doesn't seem to matter.
     
    Youthful passion and white hot lust have given way to happy familiarity. We talk more than we have sex which is something new and completely alien for me.
     
    Maybe we have a chance to have something we both missed because of the times and attitudes and culture.
     
    Maybe we have a chance to grow together, heal each other and walk away from the white-hot pain of our pasts.
     
    Maybe we have a chance to have some good years and not have to walk alone.
     
    I'm damned sure that we're both due for a change for the better.
     
    Who knows. Maybe we'll get it right the second time around.
     


  14. JamesSavik

    Not doing so hot

    By JamesSavik,

    I took an insanity day and went fishing. I didn't tell people and some folks panicked.
     
    No- I am not doing so well. No- I'd rather not talk about it.
     
    Yes- I have a boyfriend named Randy who was a little irked at me for vanishing. We haven't been together long enough for him to know that I occasionally have to get away from people or go off on somebody.
     
    When I get this way getting out in the country is the best thing for me.
     
    I'm going to be gone a while. I've got some stuff to figure out. I don't like to be kRaZy and hurt people that I like.
     
    I don't like to be eRraTic but sometimes I don't know how to be anything else.
  16. JamesSavik
    I have issues with many organizations that champion gay rights.
     
    Some are all about gay marriage and I don't give a damn about that. I'm ugly, old, ain't going to happen for me. f**k it. Gay marriage is never going to happen anyway so we might as well pick battles we CAN WIN. Battles that will make a substantive difference in the quality of our lives.
     
    The kind of gay rights focus that I want to see is more practical. I want to see the sort of thing pushed that a) has a snowballs chance in hell of passing will make a positive impact on peoples lives immediately.
     
    ENDA or the Employment Non Discrimination Act is just the sort of thing that gay rights organizations SHOULD be pushing for.
     
    Discrimination against gay people is perfectly legal in 29 states. You can be fired simply because you are gay and this law will fix that.
     
    It will also be the first law of consequence that specifically protects GLBT people as a class and should it pass, it would be historic.
     
    This is important because there is a narrow window of opportunity to get this passed. If we miss it, it could take another twenty years.
     
    Pass this bill! Join the HRC, give money, call your congressmen: we need this one.
     
    If we don't get another piece of legislation this is the one that we've GOT to have.
  18. JamesSavik

    Disposable

    By JamesSavik,

    I decided a long time ago that I was no damned good. I got all sorts of messages growing up that told me so. First and foremost was the way that I was treated by people that I thought were my friends.
     
    Most of you know I never chose to be out. It's something that most people wait until they are ready for. I didn't have that choice. Someone else made it for me at the age of 13 deep in the heart of the bible belt in the mid seventies. What followed I wouldn't wish on anyone.
     
    The thing that hurt the most and never stopped hurting was being cut off. I don't mean just shunned. I mean people that I had known for years that just stopped talking to me and would never have anything further to do with me.
     
    That'll f**k with your head as a full grown adult but as a kid it was devastating. It taught me some really f**ked-up lessons that stick with you. Like when you have a friend or a lover no matter how flawed you need to hold on to them because no one else wants you. Un-learning that is a bitch.
     
    Another thing is what it does to your self-worth. You can't be too worthy if people cut you off like a light-switch.
     
    You see up until a certain age, most of my friends were from church. They were told that the best way to help me change was to have nothing to do with me until I did change. Saving a soul by tough love as it were or simply not wanting to have anything to do with a known faggit.
     
    There are a lot of people that I liked, cared about some I even loved that walked away from me and never looked back.
     
    Maybe you wonder why I always seem like I'm angry. It's because I know that I'm disposable.
  19. JamesSavik
    The Drunk
     

     
    Fun and charming, the drunk loses some of his appeal when you sober up. After he's drank all your booze and pissed on your bed, the puke in your closet is the last straw.
     
    The problem with drunks is that they forget that you threw them out. You have to break up with them dozens of times for it to take. Even then, they show up drunk and horny at 2am or make those wonderful calls in the middle of the night.
     
    The only sure way to get rid of them: tell them about how well you are doing in AA.
     
     
    The Meth head
     

     
    Beavis here has been tweaking for the last six-weeks. His penis is tiny and limp. He steals everything and cops are constantly after him.
     
    What were you thinking? Well- we know that love is blind and he wasn't Beavis the meth-head his whole life. It took a while for him to get that way and you had to see the signs.
     
    The only sure way to get rid of them: move away with no forwarding address.
     
     
    The Dumb Ass
     

     
    He was fun and charming for a while but... JESUS!? Just look at him. What happened?
     
    So you met him on grinder. You didn't have to keep him. Dumbasses are like stray cats: feed them once and they'll never go away.
     
    The only sure way to get rid of them: fake your death.
     
     
    The Man-Whore
     

     
    He seduced you in seconds. You should have known that he seduces everyone in seconds. Men, women, boy and girls: this man-whore spreads his genetic material around like an water-sprinkler.
     
    What were you thinking? Yeah sure: he's cool with classic good looks but as soon as he's out of your sight, he's f**king someone else.
     
    The only sure way to get rid of them: buy a ring, talk about a committed relationship.
     
     
    The Dork
     

     
    Dorks are a subset of nerds known specifically for their complete and total lack of social skills. They always say and do not just the wrong thing but the worst thing possible. The dork, while otherwise intelligent, is born without that little piece of their brain that regulates when to STFU.
     
    While dorks can be OK in small doses, no relationship has ever lasted more than six weeks with a true dork.
     
    The only sure way to get rid of them: leave a trail of memory chips out into traffic.
     
     
    The Religious Nut
     

     
    Religious Nuts can be OK until they sober up and rationalize that you have lead them into sin. Worse than that even, you make them want to sin over and over again.
     
    You must get rid of the religious nut before he adds you to his collection of dissected prostitutes.
     
    The only sure way to get rid of them: talk to him about your deep abiding faith in witchcraft.
     
     
    The Compulsive Liar
     

     
    Most everyone hates to be lied to. What happens when you meet a guy that doesn't even know he's lying or lies for no apparent reason? Chaos.
     
    The compulsive liar will drive you absolutely insane. Most people lie because they are concealing something that they are ashamed of. The compulsive liar lies when he orders breakfast.
     
    The only sure way to get rid of them: set him on fire.
  20. JamesSavik

    Back to Billy Joel

    By JamesSavik,

    Thanks to the wonders of YouTube, I can explore some tunes I haven't listened to in decades.
     
    Oh... you don't like Billy Joel. Yeah sure, I doubt you've heard much of it.
     
    Try it. You'll like it.
     
     


     


  21. JamesSavik

    In Your Facebook!

    By JamesSavik,

    I'm going to invent anti-social networking.
     
    Instead of friending people, you flip them off.
     
    Instead of "poking" people, you key their car or egg their house.
     
    You don't have a list of friends. You have a list of punk-bitches that you can trade for cigarettes, tats or sex.
     
    You don't join groups. If a group interests you, you have to call one of them out and beat his ass. Then you have to pass their initiation. If you survive, you have to wear their colors and tats.
     
    Then you get to run their rackets: drugs, porn, prostitution. If you are good at it you move up. If you don't, the gang will bump you off.
     
    If you don't want to join a group, you can be an independent contractor or you can be a serial killer and take out random people.
     
    Anti-social networking: an idea whose time has come.
     
    Moving from the streets to a PC near you.
  22. JamesSavik
    All Along the Watchtower
    lyrics by Bob Dylan
     
    There must be some way out of here
    Said the joker to the thief
    There's too much confusion here
    I can't get no relief
    Businessmen they drink my wine
    Plowmen dig my earth
    None of them know along the line
    What any of this is worth
     
    No reason to get excited
    The thief, he kindly spoke
    There are many here among us
    Who think that life is but a joke
    But you and I, we've been through that
    And that is not our fate
    So let us not talk falsely now
    Because the hour is getting late
     
    All along the watchtower
    Princes kept the view
    While horsemen came and went
    Barefoot servants too
     
    All I got is a red guitar
    Three chords
    And the truth
     
    All I got is a red guitar
    The rest is up to you
     
    There's no reason to get excited
    The thief, he kindly spoke
    There are some among us here
    Say that life is just a joke
    You and I, we've been through that
    And that is not our fate (at least today)
    So let us not talk falsely now
    Because the hour is getting late
    Late...
     
     
    Bob Dylan
     
    Jimi Hendrix version
     
    U2's version
     
    Niel Young and Perl Jam
     

  23. JamesSavik

    New Avatar

    By JamesSavik,

    I don't change avatars very often. In fact I've only had two since I arrived in 2003.
     
    I want to make sure that I've got just the right one.
     
    Here is a history of my avatars:
     
     

     
    The original Beast avatar, cirica 2003.
     

     
    The new improved X-Men 3 Beast from ~2006
     

     
    The new annoying drunk avatar...
     

     
    ...from the classic Lolcat cartoon.
     
    Which just goes to show you that some people can be an annoying drunk stone cold sober.
  25. JamesSavik
    When the President approached the dais, he looked tired and haggard. He seemed a step slower than he usually appeared but confident and resolute despite the black circles around his eyes. It took McMahan forty-five minutes to tell the entire story. At each critical point he provided the evidence to validate its veracity.
     
    In conclusion, McMahan said,
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