Puppy Love - 5. Chapter 5

The rest of the day, and the next, were a blur to Blaine. He waited for Monday to come, so he could go and talk to Levi. Going through his regular routine, he berated himself over what had happened in the lake. He hated that he had reacted so irrationally, and wanted to explain it to Levi. He had to make certain that he understood why he behaved like that over a simple kiss. What did Levi think of him? He had to find out. Blaine couldn't get Levi off his mind, and was even losing sleep over what had happened.

Monday morning found Blaine and Ruff headed into town, to find Levi. Blaine still wasn't sure exactly what he was going to say; he'd decided to see where things went with Levi. He just hoped that he didn't screw things up any more than they already were. Pulling into the parking lot at the clinic, Blaine grabbed Ruff's leash and headed in to find Levi. Both of them had their tails between their legs. Blaine felt he had a lot of explaining to do.

“Hi, is Levi in?”

"No, I'm sorry, he won't be in today. He has had all his appointments rescheduled. He might be in tomorrow. Can someone else help you?"

“No, it was really him that I needed to see, is there any way that I could get a hold of him?”

“I’m sorry sir, but I can’t give out his personal information.”

“Then, could you let him know that Blaine and Ruff stopped in to see him?”

“Yes, of course. Would you like to leave your number?”

“No, that’s alright, he knows where I’m staying.”

As Blaine walked out the door he wondered if Levi would actually come to the campsite to see him tomorrow. Figuring that the only other chance he had at talking to Levi today was if he could find Levi’s truck, Blaine climbed back up into the truck and started driving around town.

***

While Blaine was driving around town looking for him, Levi was doing a search of his own. He had already been to Blaine’s camp and was shocked to see that Blaine’s truck wasn’t parked at the campsite. Deciding that the only thing he could do at the moment was wait; Levi walked down to the water’s edge and stared out at the shimmering lake. That was where it had happened.

He knew that he had screwed up the second that Blaine had headed towards shore. He hated himself for pushing Blaine, even unknowingly, into anything that he wasn’t ready for. He knew that Blaine had been hurt recently but that thought had flown completely out of his mind once they had started playing around in the water. He had felt a connection with Blaine from the start that he had never felt before. In twenty-six years he had never fallen completely in love. For the first time, with Blaine, he had felt that spark that told him that he may have found the one that he had spent his life looking for.

Levi thought back to the few serious relationships that he had before he met Blaine. He suddenly knew exactly what it was that had been lacking in all of them. There was never the same feeling that there was with Blaine. There was never that wondering, that waiting to see if something more would develop. He had never been so worried about the others, the way he worried about Blaine. Levi could only hope that his moving too fast hadn’t completely scared Blaine away.

Climbing to his feet, Levi made his way back to Blaine’s camp and settled into one of the lawn chairs. He wasn’t sure how long he had sat there staring at the cold ashes of the fire that Blaine must have built the night before. Levi didn’t know how long he had sat there before he accepted the fact that Blaine wasn’t going to be back at camp anytime soon. Feeling his chances at clearing the air slip through his fingers, Levi got to his feet and started walking the half a mile back to his own camp.

On his way back to camp he wondered how badly he had screwed things up with Blaine. He had only wanted to give Blaine time to think about what had happened and now he was afraid that he was too late. Something had told him that Blaine would come looking for him at his campsite and that had been why he had packed up and moved. He knew that if he and Blaine had talked that it could screw things up even more. So he had moved campsites. Over the past two days he had stopped himself from going to Blaine’s camp over a half a dozen times. Now he wondered if he had left it too late, if any chance he had at being with Blaine was gone.

***

Blaine had spent most of the morning driving around the small town looking for any sign of Levi. It was not an extremely small town, but made up of only about five thousand people or so it still didn’t take all that long to take a look around town. He had even tried some of the less used roads in the hope that maybe Levi lived along one of those. No matter how many houses he had driven by, Levi’s truck was nowhere to be found.

He knew that he should have stuck around and talked things out but he was scared. He wanted to explain things to Levi and he would, he just had to find the man first and apparently Levi didn’t want to be found. Maybe he just didn’t want to be found by Blaine. The second the thought popped into his head he felt a sharp pain shoot through him. He would have done anything to fix what he had done, but it wasn’t something he could fix by himself.

The feeling of dejection swept through him when he pulled up next to his tent. As irrational as it sounded he had kind of hoped that when he got back Levi would be waiting for him. He was brought out of his dour mood as he watched Ruff run around the camp. He was surprised when Ruff suddenly started heading away from the camp, stumbling his way through the roots and branches on the ground. Blaine tried calling the pup back to him and was surprised when the pup stopped, turned around and looked at him, and then continued on his way. Letting out a sigh, Blaine quickly followed behind the pup. It wouldn’t hurt to let the pup do a little bit of wandering.

Blaine figured that they had gone about a half a mile when they came to a clearing. Blaine wouldn’t have thought anything about it if it wasn’t for the fact that the embers in the fire pit were wet. The campsite had been empty the last time he had walked over this way and that was three to four days ago. Deciding that he had more important things to worry about he reached down and picked the pup up before heading back to his own camp.

Back at camp Blaine walked down to the water’s edge and stripped down before wading into the shallows. Looking back towards the shore he chuckled as he watched the pup start out into the water before apparently deciding that it wasn’t to his liking and walked back to solid ground and lay down. Blaine dove down into the water, swimming approximately a hundred feet before coming back up to the surface for air. It wasn’t until he surfaced that the thoughts swamped his mind. He could vividly remember the feelings that spread through him during his water wrestling match with Levi.

Just remembering the feeling of Levi’s dick brushing against him caused the blood to start rushing to Blaine’s nether regions. Taking a deep breath, Blaine turned and headed back towards shore. He had been hoping that a refreshing swim would help clear his head, but all it managed to do was cloud his thoughts that much more. Walking out of the water he started remembering the first time that he had met Levi. He had been so stupid, not realizing, or rather, not wanting to realize that Levi was interested in him.

Blaine looked down to where Ruff was following next to him. If it hadn’t been for the pup he probably would never have seen Levi again, nor got to know him. He found himself wanting to know what was going through Levi’s mind. Wanting to know his thoughts and feelings. More than anything, Blaine wanted to know if Levi had been as affected by that kiss as he had been.

Blaine felt as though he had just woken up from a deep sleep, realizing things that he should have realized long before. He had been telling himself that he wanted to be alone, that he didn’t need to have anyone in his life, but it was all a lie. One big gigantic lie meant to convince himself of something that was so untrue that there was no way around it.

Blaine had begun to wonder if he had ever really loved Christian. If he had truly loved Christian then he doubted that he would have gotten so torn up about what had happened with Levi. Blaine was actually grateful for all the alone time that he had gotten because it had given him time to think and sort through everything that had happened. He could admit that Christian had hurt him, but the most important thing was that he had realized that he wasn’t mad at Christian, he was mad at himself. He was mad because he wasn’t more torn up than he was. He should have been feeling as though his world had ended and he didn’t. In some ways he felt like he was free for the first time in a long while. Free to pursue what he had just recently realized that he wanted.

Walking up to his camp and slipping into his tent, Blaine quickly dried off before throwing on some clothes. When he came back out he was surprised to hear Ruff barking from the trees. Slipping his shoes on, he sighed before heading in the direction of the barking. It wasn’t until he was part way through the trees that he realized that Ruff was on his way to the same place that he had led Blaine earlier in the day. Blaine didn’t know what it was that had caused Ruff to go to the other campsite and when he reached the end of the trees he stopped in his tracks. There on his haunches, petting Ruff, was none other than Levi. Blaine felt the breath completely leave his body as Levi spotted him and stood up.

“I heard you were looking for me,” Levi said softly, taking a step towards Blaine.

“Yeah, I looked, but I didn’t find.”

“I think you were in town while I was waiting for you at your camp. I figured we needed to talk.”

“Yeah, we do, but first,” Blaine said closing the distance, “I need this.” Without another word Blaine reached out and pulled Levi to him. Wrapping his arms around the shorter man, Blaine lowered his head and captured Levi’s lips in a soul wrenching kiss. All of Blaine’s thoughts flew out of his head and he put everything he had behind that kiss. He didn’t know how long it went on, but when Levi pulled back he pulled in a great gulp of much needed air.

“Well,” Levi said, his face flushed, “that was some welcome.”

“Yeah, well, I missed you. When I couldn’t find you today I just knew that I had screwed everything up.”

“You didn’t screw up anything Blaine; I just knew that you needed time to think.”

“I did, but I should never have taken off like that. When I finally came to my senses I went to your camp and you were already gone.”

“I wasn’t gone Blaine, I had just moved closer. When I packed up the other camp I came here and set up.”

“That’s probably why Ruff led me here after we got back from town, but we were too late.”

“I know we need to talk Blaine, but why don’t we go sit down.”

“Where?”

“Why don’t we go sit at the lake? That is where it all started.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Blaine said before taking a hold of Levi’s hand and heading back through the trees. Levi’s hand in his felt so right and Blaine felt as though he was finally complete. He knew that he and Levi had a lot to work through but he finally felt confident that when it was all over he and Levi would be together.

Reaching the water’s edge, Blaine sat down and pulled Levi down next to him. He didn’t know how to start, or even where to start. He knew that he had to confide everything that had happened with Christian, but he didn’t know how to best explain it. Blaine was searching through his thoughts trying to come up with the best place to start when Levi interrupted his thoughts.

“One of us has to start,” Levi said softly, squeezing Blaine’s fingers reassuringly.

“I’m just trying to figure out exactly where to start. There’s so much that I know I should tell you, but some of it is kind of hard to explain, ya know?”

“Yeah, but, I’m guessing that the reason that you freaked was because of whatever happened with the ex, so… why don’t you tell me about him?”

“Can’t start with the easy stuff, huh?”

“I don’t think any of its going to be easy, but we may as well start from the beginning.”

“I met Christian about eight months ago during one of my rounds around the park. I was checking campsites for illegal firearms. We’d had a tip that there were people out hunting and it wasn’t hunting season. We seemed to hit it off pretty well and we went on a few dates. After a couple of months I gave up my apartment and moved into his. For six months everything seemed to be going great and then one day he came home and told me to get out.”

“Just like that?”

“Yeah, pretty much. He told me that what we had wasn’t real. That he wasn’t really gay and that I had seduced him. I tried to talk some sense into him, but according to him it was entirely my fault.”

“That’s pretty harsh.”

“Yeah well, that was actually the highlight of the whole thing.”

“It gets worse?”

“Yeah, since he had it in his mind that I had basically screwed his life up he decided to work on screwing mine up as well. I’m not sure exactly when he did it, but sometime between the time I left his apartment and got to my parents he called them. Told them that I had coerced him into being with me and that I was gay. When I got to my parents place I was told in no uncertain terms that I wasn’t welcome there. They told me that they refused to have anything to do with me until I came to my senses that I wasn’t welcome in their house. That my lifestyle choices were dirty and that I must be Satan’s spawn. The same kind of shit that I’ve heard before from bigots, I just never expected it from my parents.”

“You hadn’t yet told them that you were gay?”

“No, I knew that they wouldn’t take it very well, but I never expected the rage that met me when I showed up at their door.”

“So, what happened then?”

“Well, simply put, since I wasn’t expecting any of what happened I didn’t have enough cash in the bank to automatically get a place of my own. I rented a storage unit to store most of my stuff in and went and bought some camping equipment. When Christian threw me out I didn’t have time to grab the stuff that I had there. I knew I could have bunked with one of my buddies but I didn’t want to ask any of them to take me in.”

“So, you came out here and set up shop?”

“Came out here, called and got a couple weeks off work, and then just worked on wallowing in self misery.”

“You must have really loved him.”

“Actually, I’ve had a lot of time to think and I don’t think I ever loved him, at least not in the forever way. I mean yeah, he hurt me, but I was more angry, and not at him. I was pissed off at myself. I should have felt a lot more hurt than I did but when I actually thought about it, I realized that I felt free.”

“How so?”

“I don’t know how to explain it; I just realized that I can live my life the way I want. I wish that my parents were more supportive, but there’s not a whole lot I can do about that. I guess I am just looking forward to finding someone who I know isn’t going to screw me over and who I can love and who will love me back.”

“Got anyone in mind?”

“Actually I do, but not sure if I fucked it up to the point of being able to repair it.”

“I don’t think you fucked up Blaine, I think you just freaked out a bit.”

“Yeah, I did, not just a little bit though, I acted completely irrational.”

“It’s easy to see why though Blaine, you were hurt and whether you were angry at yourself or not, I moved a bit fast.”

“It wasn’t just that you moved fast Levi, it was more of a case of it scared me. I felt something when you kissed me that I hadn’t felt before. There was a spark that went through my entire body.”

“I was afraid that I was the only one who had felt that way.”

“No Levi, you weren’t the only one, you just handled it a lot better than I did.”

“You just needed a little bit of time and I tried to give that to you. Blaine, I don’t know if you noticed, but the campsite I moved to was a lot closer to where yours was.”

“Yeah, I guess it was. I didn’t realize that until you pointed it out to me.”

“Yeah, well, as stupid as it sounds, I wanted to be close to you but give you your space as well. I wasn’t sure what was going through your mind and it worried me. I wanted to know what you were thinking and how you were feeling. I wanted to understand why you pulled away from me when you did and now I do.”

“It’s a lot to take in though.”

“Yeah, it is, but it’s nothing that can’t be worked through. You have some insecurities Blaine, but so do I. So does every other human on this earth. The question is; do you want this to work? Are you willing to give it a chance, us a chance?”

“Even after everything you still want to be with me?”

“Blaine, I wouldn’t have come back if I didn’t want that. I was almost afraid that I had given you too much time to think and that you were regretting what happened.”

“I didn’t regret it Levi, I never regretted it. Even when I ran from it I knew that I had wanted it to happen. That’s what scared me, I was supposed to have just gotten out of a relationship with someone that I thought I loved and yet, the way you made me feel…”

“You weren’t expecting it,” Levi stated simply.

“That would be the understatement of the century. It was such a powerful feeling and I didn’t know how to react and so I reacted badly.”

“We’ll make it through Blaine. I’ll be by your side for as long as you want me there. We can take this at any rate that you want to, as slow as you want to.”

“Slow would probably be a good thing right now.”

“Does slow constitute long, drugging, passionate kisses? I could really use one of those at the moment,” Blaine said, turning to look at Levi.

“I think I can manage that,” Levi said, tipping his head up and pressing his lips gently against Blaine’s.

Blaine felt as though he was flying and quickly increased the pressure of his lips on Levi’s. He lost himself in the feelings that swamped his entire body. He felt as though nothing in the world could ruin the moment that he was sharing with Levi. As though he had spoken too soon, Blaine and Levi were pulled apart by a voice behind them.