Starry Moments - 1. Story

Our nights always begun and ended the same way. Well, almost the same way. Given that at fourteen, stuck in a boarding school in a tiny hilltop town, we didn’t really have a lot to do even if we managed to sneak out after hours. But that rarely ever stopped us from planning elaborate getaways, now did it?

Dressed in the colours of my house, I was faintly worried, since it was the first time I was wearing something that would identify us if we are spotted. The backpack was pretty non-descript, so that didn't really worry me. I sat waiting for him at the edge of the school grounds, admiring the cold, dark night; illuminated by nothing other than the almost-new moon.

‘Hey!’

I jumped at the voice in my ear, ‘Holy shit!’

‘Shhh, keep it down.’ His eyes shone in the pale light, crinkling up at the corners as his frame shook with silent laughter.

‘C’mon, let’s go,’ I nudged him up from where he was kneeling behind me, looking too happy at having startled me for once.

‘Do you have it?’ His voice was low, as he dusted himself and we started our ‘trek’ down the hill.

‘Oh my god, I absolutely forgot!’ I shook my head and smacked my head for emphasis, ‘What are we going to do?’

‘Shuddup!’ He smacked my head, chuckling.

‘Shhh, quiet. Ducky’s still up.’ I pointed at the still lit window of Ducky, Mr. Donald Wharton, our sports instructor.

‘Wonder what he is doing?’ He craned his neck to try and catch a glimpse through the window. ‘C’mon,’ he said pulling me towards the wall, away from the road.

I tried to get him away from the open window; there were noises coming from the house, so obviously Ducky was still up. If we were caught by him, we would be in a shit load of trouble. But, nothing could have dragged him away when he’d made up his mind. So we were almost crawling on the grass, right under the window, trying to hear what our teacher was doing when we heard the music.

“Out in the great wide open,

A rebel without a clue.”

‘That’s Ducky!’ I hissed, surprised enough to forget to keep the volume low. Thankfully, Tom Petty was louder and my voice along with the resounding slap to the back of my head went unnoticed. I turned to see him glaring at me, his eyes shooting daggers.

Making our way out of Ducky’s yard, we took the sideroad; keen on avoiding detection.

‘What the hell was that?’ he said, gripping my shoulder tight and turning me around to face him, as soon as we were at a safe distance. ‘What were you thinking?’

‘I wasn’t, okay?’ I shook off his hand, not liking the way his brows were furrowed. ‘Sorry! It just took me by surprise,’ I added, hoping he’d forget the whole episode, and laugh with me at the near miss, like he usually did.

He didn’t smile, but I felt him relax beside me and we started walking, rather, climbing down the rocky lane again. I started humming the first tune that came to my mind, “Into the great wide open”, and breathed a sigh of relief when I heard him joining me at the chorus.

‘Who knew he could sing?’ he said, nudging my shoulder as the song drifted to an end.

‘And well!’ I grinned at him and saw the expression mirrored; we were back!

Three kilometres seemed like a breeze and the walk was over too soon, or so it seemed. Looking at my watch I noticed that it took us almost an hour to get to the church grounds, avoiding the main roads, not to mention any and all the security guards that roamed the streets to stop students from doing exactly what we were.

‘Daju?’ I called out for the security guard.

‘Why do we have to involve him?’ My companion wasn’t happy with the partner in crime.

‘He has the key, idiot!’ I whispered back; noticing the movement in the small shack where the elderly man passed his nights.

‘We could just jump the fence!’ He was adamant; complaining even as we made our way towards the watch post.

‘You have seen the fence, right?’ I saw the door opening and waved at the man peeking out. ‘Stay here while I get the keys.’ I whispered before opening my backpack to give Daju what he wanted so I could have what I needed.

    * * *

‘Wow, the wires are electrocuted!’

‘No shit, Sherlock!’ I knew to lock the gates behind me; if anyone else entered, I would be blamed. And, one more complaint could send me home, or worse, locked in the teachers’ hostel. I shuddered even at the thought of it: night after night, under constant observation. No way!

‘Everything is so beautiful tonight!’

I turned to look at him and he’d already started walking along the paved path.

‘It is!’ I had to agree as I looked around, falling in step beside him: the moonlight bathing the well maintained flowerbeds, the well kept lawn and the immaculate lines of his face as he tilted his head towards the sky, his face glowing.

We made our way to the end of the path, where stood a beautifully carved statue of an angel. I’d seen it a thousand times, still I couldn’t stop myself from pausing awhile and admiring it. The face said it all. I often wondered if he was indeed looking after all those who were laid to rest in the grounds around the statue.

‘He looks like he cares.’ The soft voice, followed by the muffled thud of his backpack hitting the concrete drew me from my musings.

‘Yes, he does.’ I agreed as we set about unpacking our packs.

It didn’t take us long to set up the telescope on the cement structure that resembled a large dining table, laid on a raised platform. It somehow reminded me of a dolmen, the flat surface reaching just above my waist. Then began the enthusiastic star search: him with his eye glued to the spotting scope, and me with a tiny flash light and the sky chart. This, after all, was what brought us together: the star spotting.

I stood there fidgeting and shifting from foot to foot, looking at the stars, spotting them as I went. Trying to determine which ones we’d see tonight.

‘Finally focussed on Aldebaran,’ he said, moving away from the telescope and letting me have a look.

‘Why that? I can see it with the naked eye!’ I thrust the torch and the map into his hands to look through the scope at the yellow star. ‘I wanted to see the binary—’

‘It’s a double... know what? Fine,’ he said, shoving his hand into his pocket and folding the map, ‘You can spot the next one.’

Aldebaran didn’t really hold a lot of my interest given there was nothing too exciting about the aging star, except the fact that it was in the constellation of our zodiac sign. What I really wanted to see, was what lay just a little distance from it.

The night was just perfect for it, and before long I was focussing on The Orion Nebula. The reason I spent all my savings to buy the lens, and hand crafted the telescope, the reason I took to watching stars in the first place: the beautiful cloud where stars are born.

‘Here, take a look,’ I grabbed his hand and pulled him closer.

‘What did you focus on?’ He was still sulking.

‘Look! Will you?’ I smiled, tugging at his hand once more.

He bent over the scope, fiddled with the focuser, and gasped. ‘Shit! That’s beautiful.’ He said loudly without taking his eyes off the eyepiece, ‘Just... WOW!’

‘I know, right?’ I had drifted closer to him, ready to look through the scope as soon as he was done.

‘That’s the... belt?’

‘No,’ I placed my hand on his back, urging him to move. ‘That’s the sword.’

‘Oh!’ His head jerked up as he looked up to the sky. As he straightened up, not realising how close we stood, he bumped into me making me lose balance since I was standing on my toes anyway.

Instinctively I clutched his jacket where my hand was resting on his back and when I fell, he tumbled down on top of me. For a moment we were a tangle of long arms and legs as we rolled down the three stairs.

‘Geroff!’ I said, my voice sounding almost like a whimper. He’d landed on my straightened leg, which was painfully trapped in between his side and the staircase, hurting like nothing I’ve ever felt before.

He scrambled off, elbowing my ribs in the process, and helped me sit up. I’d never felt so much pain in my life before. When I was fouled in the field last year, and twisted my knee in the process, it had hurt a lot less. I couldn’t suppress the groan that escaped my lips when I tried to move my leg, and squeezed my eyes shut, trying to ride out the throbbing pain.

I could feel gentle fingers probing along the length of my leg, starting at the ankles. He stopped when I winced as he touched my knee. He felt around the joint, just like Ducky had taught us to, to gauge the damage. ‘Where does it hurt most?’

I took a deep breath and opened my eyes; he was kneeling right next to me, his face a mask of concern.

‘I don’t know.’ I whispered, my eyes following his as we looked at my leg.

I hissed in pain as he removed his hand and it felt like my knee had been stabbed again.

‘What?’ he said, looking up.

‘Your hand,’ I said, fidgeting a little.

‘What?’ he asked again.

‘Just... when your hand was on my knee, it was better.’

‘Oh,’ He placed his hand back on my knee gently and smiled, ‘Good?’

‘Yeah.’ I nodded, leaning back a little.

He shifted positions so that he was seated on the ground more comfortably, his hand still on my leg. We sat there looking at everything and nothing, all I could hear was the sound of our own breathing. November nights in the hills were too cold for even critters.

‘Sorry,’ he whispered after a few very quiet moments; pressing down gently with his palm.

‘What for?’

‘This!’ He waved his hand at my leg, and us sitting on the cold concrete. ‘I messed up tonight.’

‘It was an accident,’ I said catching his wayward hand that was then tugging at the hair behind his ear, a nervous habit of his that made him look almost six again. ‘Hey, look at me.’ I tugged at his hand when he refused to look at me.

‘Still,’ he shrugged, refusing to meet my eye.

The silence dragged on, we sat there, for who knows how long. When I tried to pry my hand loose from his, he tightened his grasp. I couldn’t help but smile.

‘Hey look,’ I pointed with my free hand, refusing to let the night go to waste, ‘You can see the all the stars of the Pleiades clearly.’

‘Where?’ He looked up at the sky and then back at me. ‘I can’t quite spot it.’

‘Come, sit next to me,’ I said tugging at his hand.

Without letting go, he got up and made himself comfortable next to me.

‘Now, try to follow.’ I said, lifting our linked hands and pointing at the spot in the sky. I knew this was the easiest way to show him where to look; it’s a standard procedure, but somehow, sitting there cheek to cheek, in the deserted cemetery, looking up at the stars with our hands linked together, raised goose bumps at the back of my neck.

‘That’s Aldebaran!’ he said turning slightly to me.

I felt his breath hit my cheek, his lips close, way too close to mine and his eyes boring into mine as my gaze shifted and I lost my train of thought. The only thing dominating my mind was the desperate want to close the inch of space between us, to close my eyes and take a deep breath of his minty breath.

‘J?’ He whispered again; his free hand coming up to touch my face.

His gentle touch had me closing my eyes, instinctively leaning into it. I realised then that our linked hands were no longer raised, he was holding them over his heart and I could feel it pounding. The rapid beats matching my own that seemed to have lodged itself in my throat somehow. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do, what could ease the discomfort. The feeling was very similar to being scared, the same clammy hands, the thudding heart, the fast breathing. Am I?

Slowly I opened my eyes and saw almost the same questions in his; I did the only thing that my mind said was safe: I rested my forehead against his, our noses bumping in the process. A few moments and a couple shared breaths later, he pushed my forehead gently with his, and sat back up, smiling.

‘So...’ He nudged me with his shoulders, ‘Pleiades?’

‘Yeah,’ I looked up at the sky, trying to find them. He still wouldn’t let my hand go. My smile grew broader as I raised my hands again and showed him The Seven Sisters, pointed out all the important stars of The Hunter, The Twins, the brightest star in the sky: Sirius, and all that I could think of.

After a while it was just the two of us using the other’s finger to point out random objects that caught our eye, be it a star or a planet. It was the first rays if the rising Sun, hitting the snow covered mountain tops, in the distance, while trying to spot Venus, which alerted us of the night being over.

‘Shit!’ He exclaimed getting up, ‘Its past 4.30.’ he started to disassemble the telescope and the stand.

‘What?’ I tried to stand up to give him a hand. The sharp pain that shot up my leg had me back on my butt in a second, my breath whooshing out of me. ‘Dammit!’

‘Whoa!’ He rushed over to me, ‘What are you thinking?’

‘I...’ I was still gasping, gulping huge amounts of cold air, trying to even my breaths. ‘I thought... figured, since it wasn’t hurting, it was better.’ Even I realised how lame that sounded.

‘No shit!’ He shook his head as he put his hand on my knee again, right where it was swollen. ‘Here, right?’

I nodded and he stood up to rummage through his backpack again. ‘Just a sec,’ he said over his shoulder as he took off running towards the gate.

‘T, wait!’ He looked back and smiled, but didn't stop. I sat there wondering where is it he could have gone.

Left there to my own devices, I tried to stand up slowly. I could, eventually, but it felt like I would pass out from the pain every time I tried to put any weight on my left foot. I was balancing myself on the table and trying to shove all our stuff in our packs. We had to get back in the school grounds within an hour. If we could even make it to the football field, we’d have an excuse for both our problems.

We had a match in ten days, so Ducky would certainly not bust us for getting up early to practice. Even if it was just him and me. And, it was just as possible to hurt myself in the field; that should cover the second predicament as well. But, for all of that to take effect, we would have to make it there before him, three kilometres with an injured knee, travelling uphill didn’t look like a task we could even think about completing.

I heard rather than saw him running up the path as I was finishing up. Turning to look at him I saw him clutching something in his hand that looked suspiciously like his shirt.

‘Sit,’ he said holding my arm so I didn’t need the table to balance me anymore.

‘What’s that?’ I pointed to his hand.

‘My shirt.’ He shrugged.

‘What?’ I didn’t understand what he was thinking when he decided to take it off and bring it to me.

‘We need to bandage that knee.’ He said calmly and using his knife he ripped his shirt into long strips.

‘What’re you doing?’

‘It’s just a shirt!’ He frowned at me when I resisted his ministrations to my knee. ‘Relax will you? We need to hurry.’

It was better than any idea I’d had till then, so I rolled up my pants, sat back and let him wrap up my knee; wincing when he pulled the bandage a little too tight. He saw my reaction and adjusted accordingly.

‘Better?’

‘Much!’ I nodded. It really was. The dull pain remained, but the throb was slowly getting more bearable.

He finished wrapping all the pieces and tucking the last bit, rolled my pants down. The jeans was tight over the swollen, bandaged knee, but I had to admit when I stood up it was so much better. I could even walk. Agreed, it was with a very pronounced limp, but still.

He slung both our backpacks on; mine in the front like a baby carrier. I couldn’t help smirk at that.

‘Looking good there, papa!’ I said looking him over.

‘Keep that up and I’m running up the hill.’ He shoved me gently and put his hand around my waist to support some of my weight as we started up the path.

‘Where did you go?’ I asked as we walked up the road leading to our grounds. It was risky, and we had to keep glancing around just to make sure no one spotted us, but we couldn’t take the shortcut this time.

‘I asked Daju if I could change inside his room.’ He shrugged nonchalantly.

‘Smart thinking.’ I was grateful for it. He was quick on his foot and it saved us a lot of trouble. ‘Sorry about your shirt though.’

‘I asked him if he had a bandage first,’ he grinned. ‘Since he didn’t and it was freezing outside...’ he trailed off.

‘Thank you!’

‘What are friends for?’ He squeezed my waist with the hand he had around me and we continued the rest of the walk in silence.

We barely made it to the field when we spotted a few more heads coming that way. Biting down on my lip, I urged him to jog the rest of the way.

    * * *

Turned out it was just a small injury, Ducky didn’t see any reason for me not to play. So after a week, I was back on the field, training with the others. The final match was important to us. We’d managed to win the previous two years, and winning the tournament this year would award our school a hat-trick, ensuring the permanent possession of the trophy.

Also, this was my last year in the junior team. Next year, I would have to try out again for the high school team. I wasn’t too worried about that to be honest, out of the twenty in the current team just five would be seniors next year while seven of that team would be graduating. If I was good enough to be the vice-captain of this team, I probably didn’t have much to worry about the next year. Provided I didn't screw up at the end of the road.

‘Why is this match so important?’ One of the newbies asked as she brought me the bottle of water I asked for. ‘Ducky is more tensed that I have ever seen him, he is going crazy because the girls ran one less lap.’

‘You’re new, aren’t you?’ I asked, looking her over. She couldn’t be more than ten, I thought. Even then, if she studied in the school for even one year, there was no chance she didn't know. Especially, if she was a player good enough to make it to the dugout.

‘Yes,’ she nodded emphasising her point. ‘I transferred from out of state,’ she shrugged, ‘mid-season.’

‘That makes sense,’ I nodded. ‘Run with me?’ I gestured her to join me as I saw Ducky give me a pointed look.

‘You know how there are three tournaments that are played every year, right?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Well, the boys’ tournament and the girls’ tournament are just meh!’

‘Meh?’ she said turning towards me, eyebrows raised.

‘Yeah, they’re not really that important to the schools here,’ I had to break it down to her. She was new after all. ‘It’s the school tournament that matters the most.’

‘I don’t get it, even the boys’ team is the school team, right?’

‘No.’ I shook my head, ‘The boys’ team is the Boys’ Team, likewise the Girls’. It’s the school team that gets the most importance. Haven’t you ever wondered why the boys and girls train together all the time?’

‘I never gave at too much thought to be honest,’ she said looking down at the ground. ‘I have been allowed to the practices for just about a month now, so...’ she trailed off.

‘No wonder you don’t get it.’ I smiled. ‘Look, I know it’s not a common thing everywhere else, and it was pretty surprising to even us when we first learned about this, but the way these rules are made, in the School Team, Co-ed schools like ours’ can have both boys and girls. And it doesn’t matter if one team is all girls or all boys, the rules still hold good.’

‘Oh!’

‘Yeah, pretty nice isn’t it?’

‘Awesome!’ She nodded, smiling. ‘It’s cooler than anything I have seen.’

‘I know, right?’ My smile matched hers as we finished the last two laps that were due on my regimen.

    * * *

Even though the morning was cloudy and way too cold for a football match, not a single spectator, let alone a player, thought about complaining. We reached the ground an hour before, like we usually did and started our warm ups. The other team reached just minutes later and took the other half of the field.

‘J, T, over here!’ I looked over towards the dugout where Ducky was waving his arms, beckoning us over.

‘Ready for the pep talk?’ I said with a smirk at the pained expression on our captain’s face.

‘Never!’ He groaned.

We were given instructions to play the best we’d ever played. And, I for one would really like to think that we followed Ducky’s instructions to a tee. The team played like never before. The opponents didn't even stand a chance at the sudden display of brilliance from our otherwise decent team. They were the favourites, and the larger part of the crowd cheered them and boo-ed us. It seemed like nothing could stop us, and there was nothing our captain couldn’t stop. Not a single shot went past T.

The match was all but over when I assisted in the third goal at the 82^nd minute. There was no way in hell they could score four in eight minutes. Ducky substituted me then, he figured a weaker midfield couldn’t cause more damage than my busted knee was causing me.

Fifteen minutes later when we were being rounded up in the makeshift stage, Ducky had tears in his eyes.

‘A regular Gordon Banks here!’ he said patting T on the back.

‘Hah! He wishes!’ I poked him in the rib, while the teammates took the cup from his hands and proceeded to complete the victory lap.

‘Just you wait!’ He gave me a stink eye wrapping his arm around my shoulder and pulling me close as we trailed behind our teammates.

‘You guys can take the rest of the day off.’ Ducky announced after we’d all taken our showers. ‘Just make sure all of you report back to me on your way in to the dorms.’

We whooped with joy. The last weekend of the term, with our finals over, the match won, we had the rest of the afternoon and evening free to roam about in the town, unsupervised; what could be better than that?

We broke up into groups almost as soon as we hit the main road. Not everyone had the money to spend, so we looked for our own ways to spend time. T and I were joined by two more and the four of us took a walk towards the sunset point.

‘Guys, carry on without me,’ Sara said five minutes into the walk, plopping down on one of the boulders beside the road. ‘I can’t walk uphill anymore.’

‘You’re not injured, are you?’ T, our ever responsible captain asked, kneeling in front of her.

‘No,’ she said shaking her head. ‘Just tired. I’ll walk back to the school, find me later when you’ve returned, okay?’

‘Sure you don't want one of us to come with?’

‘Naah, its fine.’

The cloudy day had cleared into a really magnificent evening; the sparse clouds in the sky just highlighted the sun’s colours. We’d never really had the patience to sit through an hour of sunset, but that day, all three of us were too tired to do anything but sit there, recapping one of our best wins in the last four years.

‘No way!’ I jumped up from where I was lying on the grass as soon as the small water drops hit my face. ‘Just perfect!’

Sean zipped up his jacket and ran for cover.

‘C’mon!’ I tugged at T’s jacket. He was tightening his laces at a pace that showed he didn't really mind getting soaked.

‘Oh stop being a drama queen!’ he said, rolling his eyes for added effect.

‘Drama queen? I’ll show you drama queen,’ I said as he chuckled at my raised voice and took off towards the road Sean had taken off. ‘Just you wait!’ I murmured as I ran behind him, albeit slower, thanks to the bandaged knee.

Rain in the mountains, no matter how little it was, always made it harder for us to take the shortcuts. Where it took us half an hour to get to the highest point in the hill, it would easily take us more than an hour to get back, now that we had to use the main roads. We had to travel, almost half way down the hill before taking the road that led to our school.

It was starting to get dark, as the three of us finally reached the last lap of our journey. As we began the slow trek up the hill, Sean and T took turns in helping me. The rain had settled in a steady drizzle and we were all but freezing our fingers off, completely drenched from head to toe.

The tiny shack looked inviting, with a stove and a kettle on top of it. It was not a shop by any means, but the lady that sat near the open door was kind enough to give us some warm water to drink before we started on our way again. Sean was walking beside me while T trotted ahead, trying to keep our minds off the cold doing the other thing he was good at, finding enough words to keep up an interesting conversation.

‘You think Ducky is still awake?’ I said pointing at the light we could see from the road.

‘Just two more turns till we find out,’ Sean said.

‘What are the two of you whispering about?’ He was never happy when he was out of the conversation, even if was the weather we were talking about.

‘You!’ I said. His expression even prompted me to stick my tongue out at him.

‘Seriously?’ Sean looked at me wide-eyed, shaking his head. ‘Did you just do that?’

‘Real mature!’

‘You’re the one to talk!’ Sean clapped him on the shoulder and started walking again.

‘Need a hand?’ T was shifting from foot to foot, standing on the other side of the road.

‘Just give me a sec.’ I said, shivering as the sudden gust of air threatened to knock my teeth together. The knee was steadily growing more painful.

I took two steps, just two more towards him before my knee buckled and I collapsed. He was there before I hit the street; he caught me deftly, and steadied me.

‘Can you walk?’ He asked holding me by the waist, supporting me from the side.

‘Yeah, I think so...’ But I couldn’t. It was too painful. Even with him supporting half my weight, I couldn’t. ‘Can you ask Ducky to come get me?’

He had a wheelchair for emergencies, and I was definitely in need of one.

‘What?’ His eyes widened as he held my shoulders. ‘Call Ducky for,’ he looked up the road and turned back at me, ‘five hundred metres? He’ll kill me!’ He let go of my shoulders and squatted down in front of me. ‘Climb on,’ he said, smiling.

‘Noooo,’ I blushed, there was no way I was letting him carry me into the school, I would be the laughing stock for like ever!

‘Look,’ he said standing up and looking straight at me, ‘Either you climb up on my back or I carry you in my arms.’ He smirked, ‘Your choice, really.’

‘You’re crazy!’ I whispered. I was blushing like crazy, really appreciative of the darkness.

‘It’s not a big deal.’ He took a step closer and bent to meet my eyes which I kept firmly focussed on the ground. ‘J?’

It was the same voice, the same tone, the same quiver, and it wasn’t surprising that all my feelings from that night in the cemetery came rushing back as well. The only difference, this time we were drenched and nearly freezing, the only bit of warmth seemed to touch me was his breath on my face. As the next gust of wind chilled my bones, my body instinctively moved toward the oh so inviting source of heat.

The jolt that passed through me as his lips touched mine is indescribable. My hands clutched his sides and pulled him closer, as his gripped my shoulder and my waist even tighter.

‘J?’ We broke apart at Sean’s voice from somewhere above us. ‘T? Come on guys!’

‘Yeah, Hold up!’ T called out to Sean; he hadn’t let go of me still.

‘Climb on, J.’ He raised his hand and cupped my cheek, ‘Let me help!’

I closed my eyes at the touch and nodded. It was embarrassing, yes. But to be holding on to him tightly with no one the wiser about the latest development was exciting in its own way.

It was a difficult slope to manage, especially with someone almost his own size slung on his back. He slipped twice, almost losing his footing on the wet sleek road.

‘Just two more bends,’ he said softly, gripping my legs tighter. He wouldn’t even listen to my requests to put me down.

His breathing was getting more laboured, and his steps slower; I couldn’t let him suffer anymore.

‘Let me down,’ I said softly in his ear. Feeling him shake his head I tried again, ‘Please? It’s just a little bit. I can walk.’

‘You’re hurting babe!’ He shook his head again, his hands automatically tightening their grip under my legs; the small term of endearment bringing a smile to my lips.

‘Put me down,’ I kissed him behind his ear; surprised how this came so naturally to the two of us. ‘Please?’

He helped me off his back and held my hand, I knew if he saw the pain he would insist on picking me up again and this time he’d hide his fatigue a little better. With him for a walking stick, I took the first few steps; my eyes squeezing shut at the pain. I gritted my teeth and walked along him, going where his hands were guiding me. I didn't need my eyes; not really.

‘J!’ I heard the scream the same moment I felt the shove. Two sounds registered in my brain before I could gain my bearings. One: the dull thud of my head hitting a boulder and two: a resounding crack of breaking bone.

When I opened my eyes, I just stared. I couldn’t feel anything anymore. I looked at the road, saw the jeep with no headlights, the man climbing out of the driver’s seat and I saw T on the road, partially under the car.

Everything after that was sort of an “out of the body” experience. It was as if I was watching it happen rather than going through it. I crawled out to the road and dragged him out from under the car. His eyes were glassy as he looked up at me. He’d hit his head somewhere, judging from the amount of blood that was soaking into my clothes from where his head lay in my lap; in addition to where the car had obviously run him over.

‘HELP! SOMEONE!’ I heard a familiar voice screaming somewhere in the background, but I really couldn’t pay much attention to anything but the twitching fingers of the prone figure on my lap.

I grasped the fingers with my right hand, my left still cradling the bleeding head, not being able to take my eyes off his wide ones; trying so hard to tell me what his parted lips couldn’t.

‘I know,’ I whispered, I could hear him. ‘I know, and I do too.’

His hand relaxed in mine, and he blinked. He'd heard me; now he knew. Moving slowly, as carefully as I could, I lay down next to him, cradling him in my arms: forehead to forehead, sharing air, as our noses touched the other’s. Neither of us moving even a muscle, I watched him till I couldn’t see anything anymore, looked at him until the veil shrouding my feelings descended on my vision, cutting every access I had to my Trent, forever.

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