Ugly Davey - 3. Chapter 03 – Multiple Ostrich Heads

Chapter 03 – Multiple Ostrich Heads

After our shopping trip where Jenny succeeded in not only finding me a whole new wardrobe, but also an ugly pair of glasses and the most horrendous set of neckties ever made, Josh and I headed over to the park to kill time until Rick and Amy got back from their trip.

I lived in the Kitsilano neighborhood of Vancouver. It was a beautiful place located in the West Side of the city and had two beaches nearby. My apartment was only a few minutes drive away from downtown Vancouver where I’d be starting my new job. Rick and Amy also owned a house in the area only a couple of blocks away from where I lived.

When we got to the park, Josh rushed to play in the playground while I sat on a nearby bench. While watching Josh play with the other kids, I thought about how things might turn out tomorrow. No matter what scenario I came up with, they all ended with my boss ripping up my contract and then throwing me out of his office. Oh man I’m such an idiot for going along with this. I put my head in my hands and rapidly ran my fingers through my wavy brown hair. Maybe I should just bury my head under the ground and wait for the next three months to tide over, I thought looking at the dirt beneath my feet. I was probably headed into a full-blown panic attack when a voice jarred me out of my thoughts.

“Mind if I sit here young man?” asked a deep voice.

Startled, I looked up at the tall shape towering over me next to the bench. The man was probably in his sixties and apart from a little paunch starting to show in the middle, he seemed to be in pretty good shape. He was around 6’3 and still had a head full of grey hair. He had a strong masculine jaw that was covered in a short grey-white beard and a mustache under his prominent roman style nose. His eyes were steel grey in color but seemed to sparkle with an inner mirth. His face kind of reminded me of an old Sean Connery.

The man was dressed in an expensive looking navy blue pinstriped suit, with a white collared shirt underneath, and a gold Rolex watch on his wrist. The only thing that did not seem to fit in with his ensemble was the tie he was wearing. It had to be one of the ugliest neckties I had ever seen and that was saying something after the hideous ones I had just bought for myself today. It was red in color with a weird picture on it that was repeated all over the tie. I squinted for a better look and realized I was staring at multiple ostrich heads. Wow an ostrich! Is this a sign that I should go ahead and stick my head in the dirt?

Realizing that I had forgot to answer the man’s question I looked at his face again. “Oh no, go ahead.”

“Thank you,” he said as he sat down on the bench while patting me on the back a few times. I couldn’t stop myself from lurching forward due to the force behind his hand. My head snapped towards the man. What the fuck was that? I was just about to confront the man when he started talking.

“Wonderful day we’re having isn’t it? Hey I think your son’s waving at you over there.”

I looked towards the playground and saw that Josh was waving at me to get my attention so I could see him go down the slide. I waved back and gave him a smile before realizing that the man had started talking again. “Sorry what did you say?” I asked.

“I was asking whether you come here often with your son,” he said nodding his head over at Josh. “I myself try to bring my grandson here whenever I have time which let me tell you is not quite that often.” He pointed at a little blond haired boy playing with Josh. He looked to be the same age as Josh and both of them seemed to be getting along pretty well.

“I tell my son that he should spend more time at home with his son, but all he does is end up working more days and more hours. Even this weekend when he should have been off work, he’s gone out of town for a business trip that will last the whole week. Seriously my boy has to learn to let down his hair and have fun every now and then. Kind of like his old man,” he chuckled.

I was still wondering on how to cut into this guy’s monologue to correct him about Josh not being my son, but he seemed to go on and on, never giving me a chance. What is it with me today and running into these non-stop talking people everywhere, I wondered thinking back about Jenny.

“I used to work long hours too, but I knew that one of us had to spend more time with young Timothy since he’s growing up so fast. It’s especially difficult with my son being a single dad and all. I know from experience since I too raised my son on my own after my wife passed away due to cancer when he was only ten.”

I was confused whether to express sympathy for this man’s loss or ask him why the hell he was telling me his life story. Before I could make up my mind, he continued on with his tale.

“But unlike my son, I knew how to have fun every once in a while. Recently I’ve been trying to get my son to start dating but he always turns down my offers to help set him up on blind dates.”

He eyed with keen interest before asking, “So how about you young man? You happily married?”

“Oh, no,” I replied still wondering what the look in his eyes meant, “and that’s my best friend’s son. I’m just babysitting until he and his wife get back from their trip.”

“Ah my apologies for assuming, young man,” though he sounded anything but apologetic, in fact he seemed to have brightened up even more knowing that I wasn’t married. “So do you happen to be seeing anyone at the moment or are you a free bird?” he asked.

Oh my god! Is this old guy trying to hit on me? I couldn’t believe it. Was this a daily routine for this guy, bringing his grandson to the park to play while he tried to pick up men? “No, I’m not seeing anyone,” I replied warily.

“Ah that’s good, really good,” he said accompanied with a few more thumps to my back that almost pushed me off the bench. “Well the reason I was asking young man was to find out whether you’d be interested in going on a blind date with my son.”

I stared at the man with my mouth open. This guy was trying to hook me up with his son?! And how the hell does he even know that I’m gay?

As though he had read my mind the man continued, “Oh and if you were wondering how I knew you liked men, it’s because I’m known to have an excellent gaydar, much to my son’s dismay. Knew my boy was gay even when he was dating Timothy’s mother. He should have listened to his old man in the first place instead of trying to deny it,” he let out a bellowing laugh, his hand “patting” my back again.

I gritted my teeth as I once again lurched forward.

“I think you and my son will make a very handsome couple if I do say so my self,” he said nodding his head.

Before he could continue, I cut in. “No thanks, I’m not interested in dating at the moment.”

The man seemed to wilt a bit at that. “Oh well that’s perfectly alright,” he said.

I was once again watching Josh play when the man suddenly let out a deep bellowing laugh. Startled, I jumped in my seat and looked at the man again. I was pretty convinced by now that this guy was utterly insane.

“Oh lord, here I am telling you about all my life’s woes when I’ve failed to even introduce myself,” he laughed while “patting” my back again. Fortunately this time I was able to tense up my muscles before receiving the first slap and thus successfully managed to stop my body from pitching forward.

“The names Robert,” he said holding out his hand.

“Dave”, I replied shaking it.

“Well Dave, if you ever change your mind about dating…”

He was cutoff by Josh who was now running towards us calling my name.

“Uncle Davey!” Josh yelled as he came running with Timothy in tow. “Uncle Davey look I made a new friend!” his cheeks all flushed red with excitement. “His name is Timmy and he’s gonna go to the same school as me. Maybe we’ll even be in the same class!”

I smiled down at them, happy to see Josh so excited. “That’s great Little Man, now I’m sure you’ll have a great time at school.” Josh bobbed his head up and down grinning from ear to ear. I looked at Timothy and introduced myself. “Hey Timmy, it’s nice to meet you. My name’s Dave and I’m Joshie’s Uncle.”

Timothy was standing behind Josh with his dove grey eyes shyly peeking at me from behind Josh’s arm. He mumbled something that sounded like “nice to meet you”. Aww the kid’s adorable, I thought smiling.

“Now, now Timothy. There’s no need to be shy,” said Robert. “Well hello there young fella,” he said to Josh. “I’m Timothy’s grandpa, what’s your name?”

Josh puffed out his chest before replying, “Joshua Alec Jones, Sir!”

I chuckled at Josh’s antics. It was the same thing Rick used to do when he was a kid.

Robert also found Josh’s introduction amusing. “Well Joshua it was nice meeting you, I hope you and Timothy will become good friends.” Robert took out his wallet and pulled out a card. “Here take this,” he said handing it to me. “Please give this to Joshua’s parents. It has my son’s home phone number on it. I’ll let my son know about Joshua so that Joshua can phone Timothy anytime he wants.”

He gave me a sly look before adding, “And if you ever feel like asking my son out on a date, feel free to use that number as well.”

Then with a wink, he took Timothy’s hand and left after saying goodbye.

I stuffed the card into my pocket without looking at it and then started back towards home with Josh.

“Hey Little Man, can you remind me to stack up on ear plugs for the next time we go out?”

"Sure thing, Uncle Davey!"

To be continued…