Pussy Cat Pussy Cat - 9. Chapter 9

It hurts; everything hurts... everything. Why? Why do I hurt? Why are they hurting me? Why?

At least the pain’s not sharp. I hate it when the pain is sharp. They’re not doing anything to me right now. I feel floaty so the pain doesn’t hurt so much, but it’s everywhere. Sometimes it hurts so bad I can’t breathe. I can breathe now. The air smells... not nice but not horrible like it is sometimes. It’s easy to breathe and it seems to be... clean. Sometimes it’s thick and hard to breathe and smell... like... I don’t know, it’s strange.

Apart from the pain, I’m quite comfortable now. I’m lying down and no one is touching me. I hate it when they touch me. I hate it most when I’m not lying down, especially when they make me stand up because I can’t. And then they... and I hate it when... when they... It hurts. It never hurt before and I don’t like it. They shouldn’t do that. I shouldn’t be doing that... not here. I... it just hurt.

How long have I been here? I don’t know; a long, long time. I’ve grown older. I feel older. I feel... old; no, not exactly... tired. My head hurts and it’s hard to think: to remember. I remember the last time... the last time they did... something. Was it today? Or yesterday? A year ago?

I woke up and heard them talking. I don’t do that much... wake up, not really. I kind of wake up... when the pain comes but... not really. They talk a lot among themselves, but never to me. No one ever talks to me.

First there was the pain in my head. That always happens. I hate it. It hurt so much. It blanks out everything else and makes me want to scream and scream and scream...but I don’t. I don’t know why, but it’s important that I don’t. Usually then the cold comes; it comes from my arm and I don’t hurt anymore... well my head doesn’t. The other pains do though. They are different every time.

Sometimes they put things inside me... my mouth; my ears; down my throat; up my nose and... other places. Sometimes they take things out of me. I don’t know how I know that, but I do. The worst times are when they make my eyes stay open so I can see what they are doing and it always involves needles and sharp things. Sometimes they put them in my eyes and then...

Last time they didn’t do anything like that... well a little bit like that. They put something in my mouth to hold it open and then they put something down my throat. I don’t like that because they make me feel weird first; only that time they didn’t. They poured something down the tube that made me feel kind of fluttery on the inside and I was so surprised that I really didn’t notice when they put the other tube in me... the one that feels weird and goes in and in and in and makes it so I can’t breathe. I hate it. But then the pain in my head came and I forgot.

The coldness didn’t come that time... it was hot instead, burning hot and it set fire to my arm and then it burned me all over. It hurt a lot and I think that if they hadn’t been making me breathe I don’t think I would have been able to.

Then they made my eyes stay open and flashed lights in them until they really hurt and I felt really really strange and then... and then... I know they couldn’t have... well I don’t think they could have... but it felt as if they had turned me inside out and tore me into pieces. And then... oh yes I... oh. I remember it was... It was... Oh God I hope they don’t do that to me again. It was like all of my different parts were being pulled in different directions and they were screaming and I would have been screaming if I could have and it HURT. It wasn’t just pain. It was... it was... unbearable.

It all ended with really, really big pain and I thought I was going to die but I didn’t... unless I am dead. I might be dead. How would I tell? I feel just the same as always and the pain is still there. Would I hurt if I was dead? I don’t know. Ah hell, who cares? I suppose I’ll find out eventually. I suppose...

“Glory?”

What? What was that? Someone spoke. Were they speaking to me? Glory? Yes Glory, that’s me.

“Glory, can you hear me?”

Hmm this is going to be difficult because I don’t think I can speak.

“Glory.”

“What? I...” Oh. Oh, that was...

“Thank god, Glory, I thought...”

That was weird; the talking in my head. It’s not outside at all. Maybe I can speak after all then.

“Hello?”

“Glory, are you alright?”

“I don’t know. I hurt.” A name floats into my head – Sar. “Are you Sar?”

“Yes, yes, Glory, it’s me.”

“But you can’t do this and neither can I.”

“Not usually but I’m with an amplifier. We’ve been looking for you.”

Amplifier? Does that have something to do with music? No, I remember, it’s someone who can amplify latent psychic abilities and...

“Glory, are you listening?” No. “Can you hear me?”

Oh right. “Yes.”

“Listen to me. We’re on our way. We’re getting there as fast as we can so you have to hold on. We’ll be there in a few hours so you have to hold on, Glory – you have to hold on.”

“Hold on to what? I don’t think I can move.”

“That’s alright; I know. Just hold on, on the inside; just on the inside, okay?”

What is he talking about? I’m tired. Talking to Sar makes my head hurt and I’m so tired. Maybe I should go back to sleep; it’s so easy when I’m asleep. Sar makes me think and thinking hurts. Just... sleep.

“Glory, no; no, don’t go to sleep. Felix is coming. He’s free. The amplifiers helped him. I wanted it to be you but he’s so much stronger than you physically; so it had to be him. He’s free, Glory and he is going to come and get you. When he gets to you don’t be afraid because he’s going to keep you safe. Follow him and he’ll keep you safe until we get there.”

“But I can’t move. I can’t follow him.”

“It’s alright, Glory; when Felix gets there you will.”

“But I...”

“You’re attached to a machine, Glory; that’s why you have the pain in your head. It’s paralysing you. When Felix comes he will turn it off and you’ll be free and able to follow him. Run with Felix; stay close and let him protect you.”

“But...”

“Just hold on, Glory; he’s almost there.”

“Someone is screaming.”

“Good; that’s good, Glory; that means that Felix is almost there.”

“Why would Felix make people scream?”

“Because they have been hurting you Glory, and Felix too; he doesn’t want them to hurt you anymore.”

There are hands on me. They’re back. Will they know about the voice in my head? Will they hurt me more? But the voice isn’t there any more. “Sar? Where are you? Where have you? Where...?” Aah... ah that hurts. Ah, ah... that time the scream was me.

“Glory, can you hear me? Can you move?”

I... that would be a no. I think the hands might be... might be...

“I... wait. Oh, hang on. I’m sorry if I hurt you but I can’t see...”

“Ow, ow, ow.” There is more pain but little and sharp, in my arms and then pressure on the back of my head and... a weird sensation; like... like something... released me. My head feels... feels... light.

“Ok, is that better? Can you move now? Can you open your eyes? This is all different to what they were doing to me. It looks worse, Glory; at lot worse. Do you know you have...?”

“What...? Who...who...?”

“Good, at least you can speak. Hang on a sec, I’m working on the restraints; I can’t see how they work. Can you open your eyes?”

Can I? I don’t know. Oh – oh yeah... “Ow.” It hurts.

“I know; it hurt me too at the start. I think they did something to our eyes that stops the pupils working properly. It will go in a bit, especially when you change. Keep blinking, it helps.”

That’s easy to say: blinking hurts, like someone has thrown sand in my eyes. Oh, that’s better. I can see... see... “Felix.”

“Yeah, it’s me. YES, I got it. Hang on and I’ll get them all off.” Why has he stopped and why is he looking at me like that? “Hell, Glory, they really did a number on you.”

“They did?” I look down and my stomach lurches: they did. My arms are bleeding where Felix took the needles out and my body... my body is... I don’t want to look. I don’t want to see the bruises, the puncture marks and most of all I don’t want to see the fact that they shaved me and to wonder why.

“There, that’s the last of them. Come on, we have to get out of here.”

“What did they do to me?”

Felix meets my eyes; his are soft and concerned for me but cold and hard for those who have done this to me.

“I don’t know Glory; more than they did to me from the look of it. But try not to think about that now. There’ll be time when we get out of here to think about that. For now we have to concentrate on getting out of here. Sar is coming but we have to keep safe until he gets here and we have to get outside.”

“Do you realise you’re naked?”

“What? Glo...” he shakes his head. “Yes, I know I’m naked; so are you. Come on.”

Felix is pulling on my arm and it hurts. My head is spinning and my back and legs feel strange. When I try to stand they’re like jelly laced with razor blades and I collapse.

“Shit, are you okay?”

“I can’t stand.” My mind is clearing now and I get the urgency but what can I do? If I can’t stand I can't stand.

“Ah hell Glory, what did they do to you?”

“I don’t know, what did they do to you?”

He gives me that sharp, cheeky grin that makes him look about sixteen and shrugs. “Who knows, but at least I can stand. Why don’t you try changing; maybe you can walk in cat form.”

I try but... Oh god, no. ”No.”

“What about your wings? Can they get you on your feet?”

Again I try but... oh no... oh please not that; not that.

“Glory, what’s wrong?”

The voice seems to be coming from a long way away. I can't focus on it. I’m focussing all my energy inward but there’s nothing there. “Oh no, oh hell, Felix... I can’t; they’re gone. What have they done to me? What have they done? They’ve taken Cat and Fey away... Vamp too.... What have they done Felix? What have they done to me?”

“Glory, calm down. Calm down.” I’m shaking so much I can’t... I can’t... “Breathe, Glory. Take a deep breath and breathe out slowly. Come on. That’s the way. Look at me.”

It’s taking all my focus to breathe, but I force myself to look at him. Maybe if I look at him I’ll have some kind of anchor. Maybe... His eyes are calm and yellow, the golden flecks shimmering in the bright light. It would be easy to get lose in those eyes.

“Glory, I know this is a huge thing for you, the biggest thing ever, but we have to get out of here. We can work on finding out what happened but only when we’re safe. Do you understand?”

Yes, I understand but this isn’t just big, it’s everything; everything I am. It’s he who doesn’t understand. But he’s right. We do have to get out of here.

“Help me up.”

It isn’t easy. Whatever they did to me it made my legs not want to cooperate. Felix is so strong. I would never be able to hold him up like this. Thank god my legs are starting to come back to life.

We are startled by a sound from the corridor and Felix tenses. He looks at me and I nod; there really isn't much else I can do. I would rather sit down and rest but that’s simply not an option. As we step into the corridor, I trip on something and I almost fall over the body of a man in a white coat. No, that’s not correct – it is a piece of meat that had once been a man; in a coat that is now red from the flowing torrent that emanates from where his neck used to be. I grab at Felix.

“Felix... look... what happened? I’m scared. There’s something out here.”

“Yes, us.”

“I’m scared Felix.”

He turns to face me and puts his hands on my shoulders. “It’s alright, Glory. I’m here and I’m going to protect you no matter what. I promised Sar.” I'm in an impossible situation: afraid to go on; afraid to go back. But at least Felix is here. He seems to have completely transformed from the terrified boy I found in the cage to a confident, strong, and brave man. I nod and follow him along the corridor. A glance over my shoulder shows more of the sprawled bundles and I really don’t want to think of them. I remember the screaming.

“Stay here.” Felix hisses when we get to the corner. “I...”

A sudden loud wail makes me jump. “What’s that?”

“It’s an alarm. Clearly someone has discovered that we’re free.”

“What are we going to do?”

“Exactly what we were doing before. Stay here. We’re getting close to the door I think so they are going to be coming for us here.”

As he speaks he peers around the corner. “There are four of them,” he says flattening himself against the wall again, “three humans and a were. No problem. Stay here until I call.”

“But...”

“Stay here.”

“But you can’t take on four alone.”

“Don’t worry; I can handle it.”

“But...”

“Glory, I can take them, but not if I have to think about you too. If they see you they will go for you because they know you can’t change. If I have to fight two battles it will be harder for me.”

“But...” Too late, he’s gone.

I flatten myself against the wall and listen to the unmistakable sounds of battle, my heart pounding. I have spent my life being scared and I can’t say this is the most scared I have ever been but this time I am scared for someone else. I am sure Felix is dead.

I jump when there is a gentle touch on my shoulder. Felix grins through a mask of blood. There are three shallow slashes on his upper arm but otherwise he seems unhurt. “Come on, keep close behind.” He forestalls my question by saying, “There will be time for questions later.”

Obediently I follow past three dead bodies drenched in so much blood I really don’t want to see how they died so I keep my eyes fixed on the wall. There is another body there, propped up, but this one isn’t dead. Our eyes meet and I see horror there.

Suddenly I walk into Felix’s back. Over his shoulder I see two weres round the corner ahead; they are the ones who dragged me into the lab. Caught in mid corridor there is nowhere to run.

“Stay here, Glory. Don’t come close.”

Felix takes a few running steps then leaps and changed. Jesus Christ! I don’t know what I was expecting; I’d given up trying to guess what Felix’s were was; but it certainly wasn’t this. I suppose I should have known from his eyes; hardly the eyes of an ordinary cat, but I didn’t – why would I? Tigers are the rarest of all feline were types and this. No wonder his human form is so well muscled and sleek.

The first were goes down with the force of the first leap and before he knows it the tiger’s teeth are on his throat. The second were changes... some kind of mountain lion I think. He puts up a fight but he didn’t stand a chance. I’m finally beginning to have real hope.

The blow on the back of my head takes me completely by surprise. Damn, I should have kept an eye out for anyone coming from behind. The blow isn’t hard but it sends me to me knees, seeing stars. Whoever was behind me yanks my head back by the hair and I catch a flash of silver from the corner of my eye. But then something flies over my head and the grip on my hair is released.

On my hands and knees in a corridor rank with the smell of fresh blood I have to fight not to be sick. I am again taken by surprise when Felix grabs my arm and yanks me to my feet.

“Are you alright?” I can’t find the power to speak but I nod and Felix grins at me. “Good, we’re nearly there, I can smell fresh air. Come on.” I’m dizzy but it gets better as I follow Felix along deserted corridors. Clearly the word has got round and the scientist are hiding from the tiger. There may be more weres though.

Whether there are or not we don’t meet any and suddenly we are outside. The cold hits me and wakes me up, as does the sting of tarmac under my bare feet. It would be so much easier if I could change. With a sick jolt I realise that I might never change again; but I thrust it aside and go on.

We are running across an open space. There are a few cars parked close to the building but otherwise it is empty.

“We have to get out of the grounds,” Felix gasps. “Sar can’t come in here, there’s some kind of treaty with the Council. He’s more than prepared to break it but it will start a war so we have to get out.”

“How? There’s no way we are going to be able to clear that fence, especially now.”

“Over there.” I look along his pointing finger. There is a gate with two bars across the road and guard boxes on either side. The bars are lowered and the guards are talking to the driver of the car which has stopped on the other side. “You go under and I’ll go over,” he hisses. “Don’t worry about the guards; get in the car, passenger side.”

“But...” Felix is already moving and I have no choice but to follow. He leaps the bar and takes down one of the guards. Despite the gun at his belt, the other wisely runs for the box and locks the door.

I roll under the bar and wrench open the door of the car. The driver stares at me in abject horror. “Please... I’m only a junior technician. Please don’t kill me.”

The driver’s door opens and Felix leaned down, dripping blood on the pristine white coat. He grins and turns his head to spit out a gob of something I don’t want to identify. “Get out and walk away and you won’t be hurt.”

“Are you... are you...?”

“If you want to find out just keep sitting there and when I have dragged you out it will be the last thing you see before I rip out your throat.”

“No, no please... please don’t hurt me.” He looks as if he is about to wet his pants, I think dispassionately. This human nature is as bad as the vamp in some ways. I suppose I have been through too much to care.

“Get out and walk away,” Felix purrs.

The terrified driver complies and runs for the gatehouse, hammering on the door. The brave guard doesn’t let him in.

Alarms are screaming from the building and people are pouring out of the doors. Some of them are heading for the car. I jump at the sound of gunshots as Felix slides into the driver’s seat. One hits the car as Felix spins it and tears off down the road.

“What the fuck happened?” I am stunned and, I think in shock from what had happened.

“I did,” Felix said with a grin, his eyes fixed on the road. There is blood all over the place and I can’t look at it so I stare out of the window instead.

“So you... you...”

“Yeah, I’m a tiger.”

“I know, but why...”

“Why didn’t I tell you? What would have happened if I had? There aren’t too many tigers around here and I have been hiding it all my life.”

“Did they know in the circus?”

“No. I was taken down by two weres when I was in my human form. They must have been watching me but, as I said I don’t change unless I absolutely have to. By the time I healed enough for them to start asking questions I formed a plan. I told them that I’d been hurt... I have plenty of scars to show them, and that I couldn’t change but I had other skills. Once I showed them they never asked about the change again.”

There’s something about the way he says ‘skills’, hesitating... “So they were just acrobatic skills?”

There is no answer. I am tempted to turn and look at him but I figure if he wants to tell me he will and if he doesn’t want to tell me then staring at him is only going to make him uncomfortable.

“No,” he says after a long silence so thick it could be cut with a knife. “Not just acrobatic skills. I lied.”

“Lied? To who?”

“To you... I was a whore.”

“Hey, no big deal.” I turn and look him in the eye. “So was I. You do what you have to, to stay alive.”

Felix smiles a slow, shy smile. “Thank you, Glory,” he says softly. I could get used to this human empathy.

Felix lapses into silence again and I turn back to the window. It suits me not to talk as, now the immediate danger is passed and I have time to think, there is only one thing I can think about.

I’m lost, lost in misery. Over and over I try to find something inside me, some spark; some lever; something to trigger my natures again; but all I find is a dark hole where they used to be.

I try deep breathing exercises to calm myself, meditation, concentration. All it earns me is a headache. My ears feel like ears, my back is just a back and my teeth are just teeth. There is no bliss. There are no wings; no fangs. There is nothing, not even the individual things they bring to my personality. I’m left feeling... blank and wondering why they would do something like this to me.

The analytical mind, which I never knew I had, sifted through the scramble of thoughts in my head and supplies an answer. Because they wanted to know how it worked. They were like children curious about how the cogs in a clock turn the hands; opening it up and taking it out until there was no clock left.