The Castaway Hotel - 7 - 30. Chapter 30 - Wishful Thinking

Once we were in the house, Ted led his Aunt Jane to the family room, so he could chat with her in private. Their conversation lasted many minutes, but then she joined Jake and I in the dining room. While Jake went to pour her a cup of coffee, she decided to spill her guts to me.

“I had no idea Teddy felt this way or things were so bad for him at home,” she admitted. “I thought his problems just stemmed from being gay, but now he tells me it’s been bad for years and just got worse when they discovered he was gay. When I asked him why he didn’t tell me this before, he said it was because it would have only made things worse for him and he didn’t have any other choices. Now, he thinks he can come here and live with you, if his dad throws him out.”

Of course all kinds of things were going through my mind as she told me this. That’s why I thought I had to convince her Ted felt this way when he arrived. I didn’t want her to think it was due to anything I had said or done. Jake returned with her coffee and a plate of snacks just then, so I allowed her time to fix her coffee and select a treat before I responded.

“Jane,” I began, once she was set, “I hope you don’t think I tried to turn him against his family?”

“Oh, no,” she blurted out faster than I expected, but then she began to blush. “Well, maybe a little at first, but not since I’ve had my little chat with Teddy. I’m not sure if he kept this a secret because he didn’t want to put me in the middle or if he thought I’d take his parents side. He might have even believed it was an utterly hopeless situation and there was nothing I could do to change it. Whatever the reason, he did tell me he’d kept quiet intentionally.”

“I’m glad that’s clear,” I sighed, feeling relieved.

“Josh, I can’t tell you how grateful I am for the change I see in Teddy,” she added, “and I wasn’t joking outside. He IS a totally different young man than I brought here. The day I picked him up, he was moody and upset. Even though I knew he was looking forward to meeting your boys, he hardly spoke to me during the entire trip. In the past hour, he’s told me more than he has during all of our conversations over the past couple of years.”

“Jane, I think just being with my boys and hearing their stories made him realize he wasn’t the only one with a problem. Then, when he saw how the boys are now, it helped to get him thinking about his own situation,” I told her. “I feel he’s working out his own strategy to improve things unilaterally, without discussing it with anyone else.”

“I understand and I’m not questioning how it happened,” she conceded. “It’s just that he is so upbeat now. From what he’s told me, it’s because he has hope and feels loved – and that came from you. Almost every sentence he spoke during our conversation included something about you. He idolizes you, loves you and wants to stay here with you.”

“I’m sorry, Jane. I didn’t mean for that to happen.” I felt I owed her an apology.

“Sorry? Are you nuts? That’s the miracle I was hoping for!” she exclaimed. “I thought it would be one of your boys who might bring it about, but just because he’s fixated on you – there’s nothing wrong with that. He’s obviously needed a strong and loving father figure, which he isn’t getting at home, so I couldn’t be more thrilled that he’s bonded with you.”

“Whew! You had me worried for a minute,” I confessed, “but I’m glad to hear you feel this way.”

“Josh, if I could, I’d leave him here until the situation improves for him at home,” she admitted, “but I know his father would go ballistic if I did that. I did promise Teddy I would help him with this though. If talking to his parents doesn’t work, I’ll see what I can do to have him come live with me, or live with you, if you’d be agreeable to that?”

I was stunned. I didn’t see this coming at all. “Jane, I would never turn my back on Ted, and I’ve told him that,” I admitted, “but I’d rather see him work things out at home.”

“And so would I,” she cut in, quickly, “but if that doesn’t happen, I know he’d prefer to be here with you, rather than me.”

“Just see what you can do,” I suggested, “but if that time comes, call me and we’ll work something out.”

“Thanks, Josh,” she replied. “You don’t know what this means to both of us.”

Our conversation about Ted’s situation ended for now, but I knew it would most likely come up again. Jane was spending the night with the Spences, but they were all going to be joining us for dinner, so there would be plenty of opportunity to broach this subject further.

A little while later, I took her over to meet John and Margaret, so she’d have a chance to get acquainted. It would also give her an opportunity to settle in, get cleaned up and changed, before we went out to eat. Prior to leaving her there, I told Jane I’d see her at the restaurant, since she would be riding with the Spences.

When I returned home, I walked in the door and was immediately leaped upon by one excited kid.

“Aunt Jane’s going to help me talk to my parents,” he rattled off, “and if they don’t want me any more, maybe I can come back here and live with you!” He said this in one breath and seemed more like an excited twelve-year old, rather than someone who was seventeen.

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves again,” I cautioned him. “There are many factors involved and many other options to be considered. Coming here to live is near the bottom of that long list, so let’s wait and see what happens.” His joyful face suddenly soured.

“You mean you don’t want me now?” he pouted.

“Ted, that’s not what I said or meant,” I corrected, while hugging him against my body. “I want what’s best for you and I truly believe that means patching things up with your parents. If that doesn’t work, well, there are still other options, but I’d bring you here in the blink of an eye, if I was convinced that would be best.” His face started to brighten again.

“Okay, I understand,” he informed me. “I was just scared you’d changed your mind.” I gave him a squeeze, just to prove I hadn’t.

“How could I not want to keep you, if I got the chance?” I asked.

Ted gave me a very special grin, which instantly melted my heart and made me want to keep him, regardless of any other issues. However, I knew I still had to do what I thought was best for him.

“Ted, or do you prefer Teddy?” I joked. He just gave me a very threatening look, which silently warned me never to ask him that again.

“Ted, I was only teasing,” I confirmed, “but not about being willing to take you in, if that’s what’s needed.” Suddenly, he began to get playful again.

“I know, Pop, and I really do love you,” he countered. “I can talk to you, come to you for help, tease you about things and that’s just so far, but I could never do any of those things with my dad. I know I’d be so much happier if I could come live with you.” He gave me that pleading look of his again, as if he thought it was the way to get to me.

“But if things improve at home, maybe you’ll feel differently about that too,” I suggested.

“Maybe, but I doubt it,” he shot back.

“Just don’t count your parents out yet,” I urged. “They may love you so much they might even surprise you.”

After convincing Ted that I’d never abandon him, I sent him off to shower and change, while I filled Jake in on everything that had happened over the past twenty-four hours. Jake let me know he was aware of how Ted felt about me and admitted he was worried Ted was falling IN love with me, not just loving me as a father. I told Jake I was sure that wasn’t the case, as Ted had never even hinted at anything sexual. I even told Jake I’d even brought the issue up, since I was also worried about this, but Ted confirmed it wasn’t the case. Even though I tried to convince Jake he didn’t have to worry about this, I’m not sure I was successful. Realizing this, I would watch for any signs of that nature from Ted, just to be sure.

I took this opportunity to let the other boys know they should be getting ready too, if they planned to go out to eat with us. Once they had all been apprised, Jake and I started cleaning up as well. I had arranged for a fairly extravagant affair at one of the better establishments, to repay Jane for all she had done for Cody and Graham during the final few days of Cody’s life.

I told the Spences this too, so they could dress appropriately and make sure Jane did as well, but it’s harder to get the boys in their good clothes. They generally prefer the more casual look, but I had warned them they wouldn’t be allowed to go, if they weren’t dressed to my standards. I even had one of them lend Ted an outfit, since he didn’t have anything I would deem appropriate.

As it neared the time to leave, I held my inspection and corrected the few problems I found, but everyone had basically done as they were told. Sammy and Graham had even gone to special lengths. They did something different to their hair and even used their best colognes. I also suspected they must have taken great pains in selecting what they thought would be the most appealing combinations of garments. I immediately understood why they did this, even though I knew neither boy considered himself to be gay, although possibly bi. Unfortunately for them, I’m sure Ted was totally oblivious to the fact their efforts were for him.

Dashing their hopeful spirits, Ted announced he was going to sit between his Aunt Jane and me, if I didn’t mind. I told him that would be fine, which I think he took to mean he would be my shadow for the rest of the evening. He was right beside me, no matter what I was doing, and he even climbed into the front passenger seat of the van, when I went to drive my share of the family to our destination.

At the restaurant, the rest of our extended family joined us, because I wanted them to meet Jane too. Ted was clinging to my arm, almost like a date, but I determined it was because he didn’t want us to get separated. He might have also had some slight trepidation about being in such a fancy establishment, since I doubted he’d ever been anyplace so nice before. Whatever the reason, I didn’t make a big fuss about it and none of the boys did either.

When we sat down to eat, Ted sat on my left and Jake took the seat to my right. Ted also made sure his Aunt Jane was where he wanted. I could read the disappointment on Sammy and Graham’s faces, as they watched Ted throughout the entire meal. I could also tell they were each scheming to find a way to correct this perceived wrong.

Jane had gotten along very well with the Spences, so they sat on the other side of her. From the start, I spent much of my time thanking her for all she had done for Cody and explained to everyone else how special she was. I believe Ted was most impressed listening to what I had to say. Even though he had been close to his aunt, I think this made him begin to see her in an even better light. Before we left the restaurant, everyone made sure they either thanked her or made some other appropriate comment about what she had done.

When we got ready to leave, Graham announced he was going to accompany Jane to the Spence’s vehicle. He even rode with her and the Spences back to our house, since I had invited everyone to come there for dessert.

Once our guests arrived, I set out the cake I’d ordered earlier, so people could read the message I had the decorator place on it. It read, ‘Our special thanks to our living angel, Nurse Jane.’

She hadn’t seen it, until I asked her to make the first cut, and then she paused after reading those few words. She then took a few seconds to deal with her emotional response to our sincerest appreciation, before continuing. Eventually, she began to cut the cake and we passed around the pieces, but while everyone was eating, she made a secretive comment to me.

“Josh, we’re even,” she told me. “Whatever you think I did for Cody, you’ve more than made up for with Teddy. You don’t need to do any more.” I understood what she meant and knew she realized how we felt, so I just nodded, to let her know I agreed.

Throughout the evening, Jane got acquainted with our extended family. She got along very well with each of them, and by the time things were breaking up and everyone was heading home, I think she’d had a chance to speak with every one of them. When it came time for her to go back to the Spences, she stopped to talk to me one more time before she left.

“Josh, I can’t believe how much support you have from all of these wonderful people,” she gushed. “If I was impressed before, I’m ten times more impressed now. How in the world did you bring all of this together?”

“Luck. Blind luck,” I told her. “Some of these wonderful people were friends before I began to take the boys in, but the rest happened to find us, more than we found them, and it was a good thing they did. They have been invaluable and each has helped in so many different ways. Every one of them has taken a personal responsibility for various boys, should anything ever happen to me, and I don’t know what I’d do without Jake.”

“Yes, I can tell you two are very close,” she added, with a wink.

“I hope that doesn’t bother you,” I told her, with a touch of concern. Although she had been so open-minded about the boys, I wasn’t sure if that same level of acceptance would apply to Jake and me. However, I soon discovered my fears were unfounded.

“Josh, I think it’s wonderful you’ve found someone, especially someone as caring and loving as Jake appears to be. You both set fine examples for the boys and Teddy told me if he came to live here, he’d have two dads.” She let out a little chuckle after saying this, but then read the questioning look on my face.

“Don’t worry. We’ve talked more, since I first arrived, and he’s explained to me that you feel he has to try to work things out first,” she admitted. “Just the same, I’m warning you, if I don’t see things improving for him, I’ll let you know. As much as I love my nephew, I have to admit he’d be better off with you, than with me. As much as I adore him and want to protect him, he needs a man’s influence and love. I could never give him that. We won’t force you to take him to live here, but I do hope you’d at least seriously consider it, if things don’t work out for him. I see how much you love your boys and I know you’d learn to love Teddy the same way.”

“I have no doubt about that, for I already do love him and would eagerly take him in,” I admitted. “I just want him to try his hardest to see if he can mend things with his father first. I truly believe that’s what he really needs.”

“I know you do, Josh, and thank you for caring about him like you do,” she informed me. “I can see how much he loves you too, because it just pours from his eyes when he looks at you and radiates from his whole being when he’s around you.”

“That may be another problem,” I admitted. “Jake thinks Teddy is IN love with me, not just loves me like a father.” She thought about that for a few seconds, before she responded.

“That may be true, but I can’t say for certain,” she confessed. Jane looked thoughtful, but nonplussed by this idea. “I don’t think that would be a problem, though, because he’s also told me about a couple of your boys too, boys he thinks might like him a lot. So, even if he does have a teen crush on you, he is considering other options. He hasn’t mentioned you in that same way and just talks about ‘Pop’ and how much he’d love to be your son.”

Her words gave me some comfort, by letting me know I wouldn’t have to deal with possibly breaking Ted’s heart. Hopefully, things were under control. We talked a little longer, before she left with the Spences, but by that time, I think we had a pretty good understanding of each other and what we expected or wanted for Ted.

Without my knowledge, Jake and Ted had agreed to let Ted stay with me again tonight, but it was Jake who informed me of this fact.

“Josh, I’m going to stay with Shannon again, so Ted can spend his final evening with you,” he announced. “It seems to be very important to him and I didn’t think you’d mind, so I told him it was fine with me. He said he came to me first, to make sure I understood and wouldn’t be jealous, and I think I misread the boy. From all he’s said, you’re just a father figure to him and nothing more. I hope you don’t mind that I agreed to this, without checking with you first. He really needs you and this will be his last chance, unless his parents allow him to come visit again.”

“I know, Jake,” I said soothingly, “and I don’t mind. In fact, I appreciate your being so understanding. I think it’s very big of you to have even considered it, knowing you thought Ted’s intentions might be more than they appeared. I love you, Jake, and thanks for being such a fantastic guy.” I gave him a huge hug and a very passionate kiss for his caring attitude.

As we finished cleaning up after everyone left, I kept turning around and bumping into Ted, who was voluntarily giving us a hand. He would grin at me each time I looked at him and was always doing some sort of task close to where I was working. I knew Jake was right and Ted did need this final opportunity to spend time with me, so I would do my best for him.

Once everything was finished, Ted followed me to my bedroom, but didn’t seem certain if I knew he was supposed to spend the night with me. “Is it all right for me to stay with you again?” he asked, timidly.

“Yes, Ted,” I confirmed. “Jake told me about your conversation with him, so you’re more than welcome here.” He began to relax and lighten up.

“Okay, I just wasn’t sure,” he admitted. “I didn’t want you to be mad that I didn’t ask you first.” He looked a little apprehensive again.

“No, not mad, but I do hope you will come to me first, in the future,” I suggested, and he nodded in agreement. “So, shall we go to bed then?” Ted didn’t respond immediately.

“I don’t want you to think I’m weird or anything, but could I ask you a big favor?” He looked worried that I wouldn’t agree to this and I had no idea what he might ask, but it did seem to be very important to him.

“You may ask me anything and I’ll listen to what you have to say, but that doesn’t mean I’ll always do what you want,” I explained. “If it is reasonable, I may do as you ask, but if I see any problems or illegalities in your request, then I’ll tell you that too. So, what did you want to ask me?”

He didn’t look very confident now, but did manage to gather up enough courage to pose his question. “Would you mind if we didn’t go to sleep right away? It’s just that I enjoy being alone with you like this and don’t want it to end so quickly, by going to sleep.”

I could tell by the look on his face how important this was to him, but his body posture told me he was still nervous that I wouldn’t agree with his request.

“Sure, if that’s what you want to do, but I’m not sure I understand what you might want to do, other than sleep.” I looked at Ted, to see if he might respond.

“I’m not sure I know either,” he confessed, “but last night you made me feel good, like I was really your son, but it ended way too soon. I want that feeling to last longer tonight, that’s all.” His eyes were pleading with me, like he thought I’d think he was nuts and not go along with his suggestion.

“Okay, that sounds fine to me,” I began, “I’m in no hurry to go to sleep either. So, do you want to take your shower tonight or in the morning?”

“Can I wait ‘til morning?” he asked.

“Sure, I have no problem with that,” I agreed. “Why don’t you get ready for bed then, while I turn down the covers?”

“Okay,” he responded. He then proceeded to take off his clothes, until he was just in his underwear. While, he was doing that, I pulled the covers back and got it ready for him to slide in. Once he had stripped down, I gave him his next instruction.

“Hop into bed,” I advised him, while lifting the sheet and quilt for him to crawl underneath. Once he was in place, I tucked the covers in around him and kissed him on the forehead. He looked at me, bewildered.

“Aren’t you going to sleep with me?” he wondered.

“Eventually, but you said you didn’t want this to end too soon,” I advised him, “so, we’ll do something a little different tonight.” He looked confused.

I crawled onto the bed beside him, on top of the quilt and began to stroke his face and hair. After I had done this for a few seconds, I began to tell him a story.

“Long ago, in a far away land, where kings and queens still ruled, there was a lonely young man who longed to have a family of his own. He had been taken during a battle, when a neighboring kingdom raided his village. Since that time, he had been forced to live as a slave and work for a wealthy family.

“He hated his life, not only because he was a slave, but mostly due to the fact that he had no family and no one to love him. He would watch his master’s children and the children of other wealthy families, and noticed how they were loved and adored. This caused him to long to be loved and cared for as they were.

“He couldn’t even play with the other children, because he was only a slave and that wasn’t allowed. This caused him to become even more depressed than he already was. He couldn’t figure out why the deities had relegated him to such a life and why he had been taken from his old home. Then one night another slave tried to explain the situation to him.

“‘The Gods have plans for us all and even though we sometimes cannot see the reasons for their actions, a larger power is at work here.’ This didn’t seem to help the boy either and only befuddled him more, so nothing changed.

“Months later, the king had a dream, but no one could tell him what it meant. The king promised great wealth and power to anyone who could explain the meaning of his dream, but still no one could provide him with the answers he sought. Finally, the king issued a proclamation, which was read aloud in every village and told the details of his dream. He did this to see if anyone could advise him as to the meaning of his vision. No one could, until the news reached the village where this young boy was a slave. As soon as the boy heard the dream, he understood what it foretold and advised the herald who had read it aloud. The boy was immediately taken back to the castle, so he could share his explanation with the king.

“When the boy was brought before him, the king looked skeptical and doubted such a young man could do something even his most powerful advisors could not. With grave reservations, he decided to listen to what the lad had to say. ‘So you can tell me the significance of my dream?’ the king asked. The boy nodded. ‘Then give me this information now and you shall have whatever you desire.’

“The boy looked at the king, swallowed hard, and then began to tell him the gist of his vision. ‘Sire, is it not true that you saw a giant snake coming out of the water and it sneaked up behind a bear and then devour it?’ The king nodded his head in agreement. ‘Then this is what I think it means. Your crest has a bear on it, to symbolize the strength of your line, so I believe the bear in your dream represents your kingdom. The serpent that slithers out of the water and devours the bear represents an invading army, which shall cross the ocean and defeat your warriors, if you are not prepared.’

“The king thought about what the boy had told him and saw it might be true. He then advised his generals to prepare for such a threat. When this attack did happen, the king and his army were able to defeat the invaders and save the kingdom. The king was so ecstatic about this that he advised the boy he would come to live in the castle as his reward. He would be raised as the King’s own son and be next in line for the throne. However, this was not what the boy wanted.

“After considering his options, he finally spoke to the king. ‘Sire, although I am honored by your offer, you did promise I could have whatever I wanted, didn’t you?’ The king nodded. ‘Then, there is another reward I would much prefer.’

“The king told him he wasn’t quite sure he understood why he would turn down his offer, but asked what he wanted instead. ‘I wish to be reunited with my own family,’ the young man replied.

“After asking the boy’s parents’ names and where they lived, the king sent some of his soldiers out to locate them. After a couple of weeks of searching, the warriors returned with the boy’s mother and father and they were reunited. The king also made the boy one of his advisors and gave his family a wonderful home to live in. The boy finally had what he wanted. He was loved and doted on, from that day forward.”

After I finished the story, Ted thought about it for a while before he looked up at me and spoke. “Are you trying to tell me that will happen for me too?”

“In a way,” I admitted, “but I was also telling you there are many things about life we don’t understand and maybe we’re not meant to. There might be a hidden purpose for the way your life turned out and possibly there isn’t, but there may be other issues we haven’t considered yet. As you saw, even though the king offered to love and care for the boy, the boy preferred the love of his parents instead.”

“So, you told me this story so I’d try to work things out with my parents?” he wondered.

“I told you this story to point out that there is more than one option to any problem, so it’s not always wise to choose the most obvious. It may not be what’s best for you. The boy could have been happy being the son of the king, but he knew there was more that he wanted. I hope you will also take the time to determine what you really want and do what’s best for you.”

Ted nodded, before lying back and getting comfortable. I continued to lie beside him for several more minutes, to give him time to think about what I had just told him. Eventually, I got up, undressed and climbed into bed beside him.

I lay on my back next to him and Ted rolled over and put his head on my chest. I reached my arm under his body and drew him tightly against me, as if I were protecting a small child. He gave me a squeeze and then relaxed completely. It wasn’t long before he contently slipped into a deep slumber.