Chapter 6 – T. K. & M. K.

Dinner was tense. Very tense. Mom seemed wound up so tight as of late. That tickling I felt minutes ago seemed to grow stronger. Usually our dinners are relaxed and carefree as she asks about our day and we regale her with tales of bullies or mean teachers; mountains of homework alongside miles of tests; horrible school lunches that are barely edible by even dog standards; or on those rare days…

Nothing.

This dinner – if I could even call it that – had none of that. Mom didn’t even ask any questions. In fact, she told us to go eat in the living room and watch TV. She’s never done that before. What was worse though was Aaron seemed really torn about something. Maybe it was his chat with Chris. Maybe it was something else. But he seemed really jittery about something. Any time I tried to ask him about it, he nearly spilled his food on the floor. I stopped pressing after his third jump.

Once we finished, Mom was nowhere in sight. I glanced at the clock. It was only six thirty. It was pretty unusual for Mom to head back to room at this time. She normally would have come out and seen what we were watching, either forcing us to change it because she didn’t like the suggestive nature of the program or she would sit down with us and laugh or gasp alongside us.

Her room door opened.

She was dressed casually; jeans and a long sleeved shirt. She was putting earrings into her ears as she came into the kitchen. She nearly plowed me over, ignoring me completely as she knelt in front of a sitting Aaron – he had taken a seat back at the table for a moment.

“How about we go get some ice cream?” she said with a smile. Her eyes were totally on my brother.

“Um, okay,” he said, not one to turn down some ice cream even in the middle of winter. But his eyes flicked to me before returning to her. “Theo’s coming, right?”

“C’mon, let’s get going before the places close – here, they’re not open as late as they are in the summer.” Reluctantly, Aaron stood up as I watched this all unfold in front of me. Mom put her hand on his back and started towards the front door, almost rushing him to it.

“But… Mom,” Aaron tried valiantly to include me. I saw it in his eyes as he looked at me as he shuffled past. “Theo…”

“C’mon Aaron. You want ice cream, right?” Some of the smile left her voice as a bit of frustration wormed its way in. Before he could say anything more, she grabbed him and his coat and slammed the front door behind them.

I just fell to my knees.

What… what did I do this time? She only ignores me like this when I did something really bad… I don’t know what I could’ve done. I replayed every interaction with her over the past couple of days. Nothing stood out. Except the mentioning of the fight I told her about the night before, only for her to think I was becoming a hooligan the next morning. Maybe that’s what this is about… my real “supposed” fight with the now non-existent Trevor Greene. Maybe she’s punishing me for that, even though she said she wouldn’t.

I barely registered my cell phone going off. I glanced at it and saw it was Jeremy. I almost didn’t pick it up, but I couldn’t say no to that boy. Hell, I loved him already and he didn’t know it yet!

“H-Hey Jeremy,” I said, putting my possible crisis on hold as best I could.

“Hey I was calling about… you know. Trevor.” He sounded a bit sad.

“Oh?” I managed. “I take it no luck, huh?”

“’Fraid not,” Jeremy said sadly. He sighed. “I… I-I think at this point, we should just… stop for a bit. Maybe something will come up in a week or two.”

“I guess we can’t really report this to the police if he just… vanished into thin air. They wouldn’t help, would they?”

“I didn’t think about that, to be honest,” Jeremy said. “I’m not used to asking for help like this. This feels… weird. I’m usually the one that has the answers or advice.”

“I think you’re doing quite well for someone that seems to be semi-freaking out over the non-existence of your asshole cousin,” I said dryly. “Don’t beat yourself up over it.”

He laughed a tiny bit. “I’m trying not to. But it’s hard. This is… way out of my league.”

“Anyone’s league,” I corrected. “Even all the sci-fi buffs out there probably would have a better grasp on it but I doubt they’d still be able to help at all.” He laughed a bit. It made me smile.

“I guess.”

“Right now, the only thing that we probably could do to honor Trevor is to just make sure that the three of us never forget him. I mean, since we’re all that remains of him in a sense. Our memories of him.”

I heard him smile. “I like that. Have you always been philosophical?”

“I have a moment or two of adultness here and there,” I mused.

Silence lapsed for a few seconds but it didn’t feel awkward. “Um hey… I know this is kinda sudden, but do you think… we could hang out?” As an afterthought, he added, “Maybe even Aaron?”

“Um…” I started as my ordeal bubbled back to the surface. “I-I can, but… Aaron isn’t home. I’m alone.” I had to pull my phone away from my head to not let Jeremy hear the small sob that escaped. The way Mom was acting… it was killing me. I don’t even know what I did!

There was another pause. “Uh, Theo… you okay man?”

“F-Fine.”

“You’re lying dude. I can tell. C’mon, what is it? If something’s on your mind, I wanna talk you through it.”

Just then the doorbell rang, which sounded deep and rich. It also scared the crap out of me. For the two or three weeks we’ve been here, no one has ever come over to ring the bell. “Um… hang on a sec, Jeremy. S-Someone’s at my door.” He didn’t say anything as I just slowly approached the door and looked out the window.

It… it was Jeremy!

I pulled the door open as I lowered my cell phone. “Surprise…” he said with a small display of theatrics. “I was kinda feeling down, so… I went for a walk and found my way out this way. My neighborhood is like a couple of miles…” He pointed towards the southeast, “that away.”

“I didn’t know we were neighbors of sorts.”

“Well, neither did I until you mentioned your uncle in social studies a couple days ago.” He laughed a bit. “I’ve always been told to stay away from Kester Hill and the house upon it.”

I mentally slapped myself. “Damn it! I’m so sorry Jeremy – come in.” He just laughed as he came in.

“No problem dude.” He let out a low whistle. “This place is actually really nice on the inside. The outside could use some work but still…”

“There’s like a gazillion rooms here,” I said as I walked with him to the kitchen. “Want something to drink?”

“Sure. Cocoa? It’s a bit cold out there and I could use a warm drink.”

“Sure.” I quickly started a cup in the microwave for him. “Something tells me that you came over here for something else and weren’t really walking aimlessly.”

“I guess you got me,” he laughed a bit. “I-I was just thinking about you. How you probably won’t get too many visitors out your way. A lot of the people steer way clear of this place on purpose. Afraid some of the legends with Thad and even before that freak them out. I wanted to show you that I’m better than that.” He shifted in his seat as I brought him his cocoa. “Thanks.” He took a sip. “Just so you know, I haven’t forgotten that you sounded sad on the phone. I’m giving you some time to think about what you want to tell me. Just know that I’ll keep everything you say a secret if you want me to.”

Damn. I thought him coming to my door and me playing host distracted him enough. It didn’t. I felt my face fall. “It’s just… it’s m-my mom… I-I don’t know what I did, but she’s like… ignoring me.”

“Aw, that sucks, “Jeremy said with a small pout of his own. “I mean, you can’t think of anything?”

“N-No! And she a-and Aaron just went for ice cream! Without me! I-I mean Aaron tried to get permission for m-me to come along, but…” I just slumped to the floor. Jeremy came around and sat down next to me. I slowly tensed as, gently, he wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me into a side hug.

“It’ll be okay Theo,” he said. “Maybe your mom is just extra stressed. Maybe she doesn’t mean to be doing this to you.” I tensed a bit more as he seemed to absently start stroking my arm. I tried not to, but I sighed in contentment. Slowly, I couldn’t help but turn towards Jeremy. He almost had a smoldering look in his eyes and, if I wasn’t already on the floor, I’d have fallen. But I had… so hard for him… I had fallen and I wasn’t sure if I could ever climb back out and away from his love. He seemed so caring, so genuine. I felt no hidden games with him, no parlor tricks. Only the hoops I felt myself jumping through not to tell him about me. Should I… maybe tell him? How would he react? Would he… hate me? Or… could he… maybe, be so happy about it that he… tells me… No, that’s only fantasy. There’s no way he’s gay! It just doesn’t seem fair, with how my heart is being pulled in so effortlessly when I’m near him.

Without realizing it, both Jeremy and I seemed to be leaning closer towards each other, his eyes somewhat closed in a dreamy haze. Is this… is it really happening? Did I fall and hit my head? Slowly, we drifted closer towards each other, his eyes seemed to shut the whole way. I did the same, willing to accept his love and tenderness. I swear I could–

My phone buzzed loudly on the counter.

Both of us seemed to snap out of whatever each of us was going through as my phone buzzed again. I stood up awkwardly as Jeremy seemed to grab at his arm, suddenly very nervous. I flipped open my phone and saw a couple of texts from Aaron.

I got you some ice cream – Mom thinks it’s mine. PLEASE don’t be mad at me. :(

“Aaron…” I muttered. “Damn kid.”

“Wh-What’s that?” Jeremy said.

“It was Aaron. He thinks I’ll be mad at him for going to get ice cream. Told me he got some for me.”

“That’s sweet of him, to think of you like that,” Jeremy said. And then, both of us got tense again.

“Um… about what–”

“What? Oh, I was just making sure you were okay. That’s all,” he said a bit quick. “I didn’t weird you out, did I?”

Oh. So we’re pretending what almost happened… didn’t happen. I think – as much as it hurts – I can work with that. “Oh y-yeah. No, you’re fine. Um, is there anything you wanna do? I could, uh, show you around I guess.”

“That’s cool,” he said, his normal smile back on his face, all but ignoring the past five minutes. I was relieved yet crushed. Maybe I wasn’t ready for him to know. But my gut was telling me that I’d end up either outing myself to him or just telling him right out. I wasn’t sure which I’d rather do.

The two of us started on the second floor and Jeremy wanted to poke his head into each and every room. I didn’t blame him. I really haven’t fully explored all the rooms – I only peeked at a few here and there. Suddenly, I heard Jeremy cheer a bit. “Cool!”

“What? What did you find?” I asked as I stopped in the room he was in. The room was pretty big, but the best feature of the room was each wall had floor to ceiling bookshelves and they were stuffed with books! And the ceilings had have been at least eight feet in the room, easy. Each wall had those moving ladders that slid along tracks so whoever wanted to could access the shelves higher up. “Whoa… I didn’t realize we had a library…”

“This is so cool, Theo!” He said, nearly jumping up and down in excitement. “Maybe there're books here on either your great-great uncle or maybe even some of his ancestors!”

That got me thinking about the diary and M. K. and his relationship to our family, if there really was any. I had to assume that he was somehow, since Mom had his last name at some point. And I don’t think it’s all that common of one like a Smith or a Miller.

“It’s a possibility, especially if he might’ve written some of these himself.” I sort of half-shrugged when he turned to look at me. “Like I said, I really don’t know anything about the guy.”

Jeremy said he’d start looking at one wall and I should start on the opposite wall from him and scan the books we could. I paced myself slowly and read the spines on all the books, marveling at the vast assortment of texts in this room. From authors I’ve never even heard of – maybe some of them were self-published and self-printed, if that was feasible back then.

About halfway through the second wall and an hour of false leads, Jeremy mentioned he found something. “It looks like it’s a book of old newspapers,” he said. He brought it to a desk in the middle of the room and sat down with it. I pulled up another chair and sat next to him, almost looking over his shoulder at it. “Man, some of these clippings go way back. Look – this one’s from 1857. And this one,” he said as he flipped the page, “is even older than that – 1840.” He was about to flip the page, but as he was, I thought I saw something.

“Wait,” I said. He stopped and brought the page back.

“What?” I didn’t answer as I read the headline – Matthias Kester was declared missing on March eighteenth of that year according to local police reports. He was brought up on charges of… sodomy? I shook off the initial surprise and other charges were listed. The chief one among them and relating to the sodomy charge being him defying the “laws of nature and the grace of God”. It said that no one was to approach his home, bequeathed to him by a Thomas Kester and Dorothy (Brighton) Kester. They questioned his brother in the disappearance, a William Kester, and he had no knowledge of any accusations of his “flesh and blood being a filthy Sodomite. Matthias is a kind, hard-working soul. Good people and I shall not stand to listen to any more heinous lies towards my brethren.” The article finished up saying that William would take ownership of the property and that no official investigation would take place due to the unlikelihood that Matthias would ever be found alive.

I glanced up and saw that Jeremy was reading, his eyes slightly bulged out. “Jeremy? What do you think?”

“If I’m not mistaken… this Matthias Kester was the guy that was supposedly killed in his home for this supposed sodomy charge. From what has been tossed around town, a small group of villagers killed him here, on Kester Hill where the original cottage was located. Maybe if we go ahead in time we could find out who built this house here and if the families are related. I do know that this particular house has never left the same family.”

A few pages ahead and we came across an article dated in 1870 saying that William Kester had passed away and all his assets were left to his first born son, a John Kester and his family, having never set foot back in the house after his brother had disappeared. It went on stating that upon William’s request, the original house be either torn down or just buried under dirt and a new house could be built on it. John honored his father’s wishes and he, a wealthy businessman, would start construction on a grand house.

We flipped ahead again and saw an article talking about weird happenings during the construction of the first floor, particularly near the living room. John had talked to many people, including a couple of extraneous individuals such as a psychic or fortuneteller. The reporter wasn’t privy to what was entailed, but after his rounds of talks, everything actually picked up pace and the house was to be finished in six months’ time from the article.

Then one more article showed the completed house, finished around 1873. John stood before it and the house – Kester House – behind him in the background. It was a brief visit, and he only said a few words, making it a requirement in his will that the house get passed on from father to child or other relative and, in order to keep the house, the new owner had to move in within two months of the reading of the will, otherwise the house becomes a museum under the state’s jurisdiction.

“So this house was built by a distant relative of mine?” Jeremy nodded. “Man, there is some history here. I mean, just looking at some of these pictures and articles…” I wasn’t even reading any of them any longer. I was just flipped through what felt like time itself, captured piece by piece. I decided to flip through and see if there was anything on Thaddeus, the previous owner.

“There! There’s something on Thad!” he said with some excitement. The two of us read the article, dated April twenty-second, 1956. That was the date the eccentric historian inherited the home from his father, George Kester, who passed away in January of the same year. There was a picture of a small crowd surrounding the grand house as boxes upon boxes of books and tomes were moved in. Thad was quoted on record saying that the home held “great history and added significant grandeur to the area.” And, as his father before him, guaranteed the house to be passed along the Kester lines, even with him not having any children. He was around thirty-six when he received the home. Another quote of his, he said, “I intend to unravel the past of all the ancestors that have ever lived in Kester House. I feel an aura of power just begging to be set free coming from that house. I intend to find it.”

“I wonder what he meant about the house having power,” Jeremy said as he sort of frowned. He looked at me. “Maybe this house is haunted or something.” I sort of scoffed.

“Really? You think this place could be haunted?” As soon as I said it, a flash of the skeleton I saw in the really, really old secret room came to me and… maybe it wasn’t so far-fetched. But I wasn’t quite ready to assume that the man there is haunting the place. For all I know, maybe it was a fake skeleton put there by Thad if he came across that room.

Jeremy shrugged. “Why not? Hell, my cousin doesn’t exist anymore and you’re ruling out ghosts?”

I couldn’t help but smile. “Hey, we gotta keep a foot or two in reality, right?” I fully faced him. “I mean, otherwise we’ll just go bat-shit crazy.”

“I guess…” Jeremy smiled again too. And there it was again – that look in his eyes! Both of us slowly stopped smiling and this time, we both leaned towards one another, faster than before. This time, nothing would stop us – I’d kill whoever did!

Our lips met.

Like liquid silk, his lips flowed over mine slowly and a bit errantly. But in the next millisecond, both of us lost our reservations and melded together as one. I felt a gentle hand cup the back of my head, holding me in place. His fingertips danced in my hair, making me moan and press into him harder. I wanted this. I needed this. A warm electrical current passed through me to him and back again. I could almost taste the bitterness of the sparks across my tongue. But his lips easily made that bearable, and I heard him moan lightly. Our breath passed back and forth between us as well, almost willing it to sustain each of us to keep the magic between us at its peak.

It was over just as soon as it started.

He pushed violently against me, knocking me out of the chair. I saw an unrecognizable look in his eyes, on his face. I still reeled from both the kiss and the fall to the floor.

“I-I-I need to go!” Jeremy shouted. “I-I’m sorry. I… I need to go!” Before I could get even a word out, he was running out of the library. In only a few seconds, I heard the front door slam.

I had no idea what happened. Whatever it was… I liked it. A lot. Remembering the kiss was the only thing from making me not scream out in agony. At least not yet. I just felt a giddiness inside me from my very first kiss. Wait… my second kiss. From a boy that I wanted to love more than life itself. Maybe just the fear of the moment overtook Jeremy, afraid that I would hate him for it. I couldn’t! I loved it! I loved him! But… maybe, what if… he isn’t gay? What if he just somehow got enchanted by me in some remote way and didn’t even know what he was doing? What if he hates me now?! Oh shit!

What… How can I fix this?!

1st of January, Year 1833

A new year but an old heartache. Mother lost baby Michael. The child was indeed a boy. My heart still aches over the loss. We almost lost Mother as she gave birth to a lifeless child. How can this be! Mother’s fall was not all that traumatic! The doctor that came by every ten days said the injury to herself was mild at worst. Both Mother and Father blame the church. Why would God force us to live with this torture? What sense can one glean from a senseless act? Mother seems to be on the mend from the agonizing moment in her life. Christmas brought no joy to our home.

There is but a ray of light for me amongst this tragedy. His name is Ethan! Oh joyous days! I had run to town for some salve for Mother the day before last and I nearly ran him off the road; I did not see him! By chance, he was not harmed and I did all I could to profess my sincerest apologies to him. He accepted and actually asked my name! I gave him it and, knowing I had a few moments to spare, he asked if he could share a beverage at the tavern as reparations on the morrow. I acquiesced and took the salve home to Mother upon its purchase.

I made up a fib about meeting a friend in town for some possible work; a new friend. Father seemed pleased that I was not wallowing in my sorrows along with the rest of the family. He felt it best to try and move on. So I rode into Clark’s Summit around noontime as agreed. Once I saw him anew, it took all my wits to not act a fool in front of him! He must think ill of me, if not in the slightest, about our last engagement. He simply laughed it off, owning it to an honest mistake. No harm was done with the exception of meeting a new friend. I could not help my face warming at his words. His voice sounded so sweet to my ears.

Where did the day go! I had spent considerable time as Ethan regaled times of his father and he in the woods in the fall last past and downing a full buck! He mentioned time later if I had it, he would show me its head. He and his father mounted it; his heart swells with modesty as I did what I could to congratulate him on his prize. He said it was not for sport but to stock their cellars with newer meat.

We had walked to our horses when he tricked me! Without a word, he seized my wrist and pulled me aside betwixt saloon and general store. With but a glance around, he leaned in and whispered in my ear. I ne’er felt the shivers so bad in all my life! I still remember his words: “I had the best time today with you, Matthias. Long since I last enjoyed myself. The company was especially splendid.” I saw some strange magic in his emerald eyes; they shone with a radiant splendor. I still remember the shy smile on his young face as he… as he kissed me! It was short, not too long, but… I longed for another. His face warmed as he asked if what he did had not offended me. All I could do was shake my head, my voice stolen by his kiss! He had told me his residence and I him before he departed, with but the sweetest words: “Perhaps you could run me down next week, same time?” I told him I would try and not miss next time; he laughed. His laugh was like angels singing! As he rode for home, I had difficulty mounting my steed. It took three tries! It has been years since I failed to mount! What magic does he possess, to steal my heart so?

I must rest. Father needs my assistance with some repairs. William is to help as well. A storm approaches from the west, bringing foul winds and cold air. We must make sure Mother is not harmed by Mother Nature Herself.

I had awoken in the middle of the night and couldn’t go back to sleep. Too many bad scenarios played in my head. A break into the past – with Matthias – helped to calm my nerves, if only for a time. I wasn’t sure what would happen with Jeremy tomorrow. I glanced at my phone and saw the time – four oh seven. I scratched my bare chest, having removed my shirt when I woke up, dying of heat. Mom must’ve had a fire going at some point. A faint flash of lightning illuminated the bay window at where I sat. The gentle hills and slightly thawed stream from the strangely warm day filled my sights for a second. The window radiated the now cold air to me, cooling me down some.

I lay the diary down in my lap and closed it; the peaceful, calm rain now falling had to be a cold one. Just like my heart seemed to be. First Shane and now Jeremy. Would I ever find my love? I don’t want to be a statistic, being one of those guys sleeping around just to satisfy a primal urge! I wanted someone to grow old with, fall in love with. A soul mate. A partner in life. Was that so much to ask for?

I felt the tear hit my chest followed shortly by another. I tried to not cry, but it was useless. Between the coldness my mom gave me and the brush off from Jeremy after we accidentally kissed, it all seemed too much. I curled my knees up to my chest and hugged them to me, hoping I could contain what remained of my heart.

The light rapping on my door almost startled me. It sounded timid, afraid. “Theo? Are you up?” Aaron’s voice. I sighed as I put the diary away – locked, of course – before I went over to my door, unlocked it, and opened it. “I hope I-I didn’t wake you…”

“Nah,” I said flatly. “I’ve been up for at least an hour. Can’t sleep.”

“You’re not mad at me… are you?” As soon as I switched on my room light, I could see the sorrow on his face, still feeling guilty for leaving me behind to wallow alone. I simply shook my head as I went to my window once more, staring back out into the night. I watched as Aaron’s reflection neared me. He climbed up in front of me. I spread my legs and he leaned back into me and I wrapped my arms around him. His back felt smooth against my chest and I might have gotten aroused had it been anyone but Aaron. I know the little guy is cute as hell, but I don’t – luckily – feel any kind of affection for him except for the normal brotherly type. “What’s wrong, Theo?”

“Nothing. Everything.” I felt the pressure come back I just leaned my face into the back of his head. His blond hair smelled clean and fresh of vanilla and lilac. A sob wracked my body followed quickly by another. “J-Jeremy… and I… w-we kissed earlier today…” My tears flowed faster, dripping into his hair and onto the smooth skin of his back.

“Why are you crying like that’s a bad thing?” he asked in a soothing voice. “Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“H-He…” I tried to control myself, but… it felt like trying to stop a flood with only a thimble. The tools at my disposal did little good. “H-He p-pushed me away!” Aaron spun around and hugged me tight. “Why is this so hard?!” I cried on his shoulder. “I don’t know what that push even means!”

“Like… you don’t know if he was disgusted or whatever?”

“No! I-I don’t think he was! But… But, he ran away after it!”

“Maybe he’s just scared… like you.” Somehow, his words quelled my sobs. “Maybe it just took him by so much surprise that his only logical reaction to it was to run. He probably needs to think about it.”

“M-Maybe,” I sniffled. I blearily looked at my youngest brother. “Shouldn’t this be reversed? The older brother comforting the broken heart of his younger sibling?”

“It is what it is, Theo,” he said. He faced away from me, resuming his original position. Once again, I wrapped my right arm around his bare waist and ran my left hand through his hair. I was a bit rattled so my nerves needed to be worn out. “Just remember… no matter what’s going on, you have two brothers who love you for who you are. Me and Chris will always back you. Even against Mom.”

“Mom,” I nearly growled. “What’s her problem anyway? She’s totally ignoring me, like she did when I got in a fight two years ago with Rodney Dumont. Once she knew I wasn’t going to die, it was like I didn’t exist to her.”

“I-I need to talk to Chris again about her. Soon, I feel.” I saw in the window his face scrunch up a bit. “She’s acting… very weird. Like while we went for that ice cream, she seemed to mumble to herself a lot. I don’t remember her ever doing that.” I didn’t either, but Chris does have about ten years of living with both her and Dad before we ever came about. Maybe she used to do that but somehow stopped when the two of were born.

“Thanks, Aaron. You coming by to talk was just what I needed,” I said as I kissed the back of his head. “C’mon… we should try to get back to sleep.” He giggled a bit.

“That tickled,” he said as the laugh faded away. “I don’t feel like going back to my room. Is it okay if I crash with you?”

“Sure,” I said. “Just… do your best not to beat me to death while we sleep.” Again Aaron giggled.

“I don’t mean to do that!” he smiled at me. “I always feel so bad each time I see a new bruise on you and I know I caused it.” I ruffled his hair before he climbed in first.

“I know you don’t, bud,” I said. “I don’t hold it against you, even I do bitch and moan about it.” I settled down and hit a switch by my bed to kill the lights. “Good night Aaron. I love you.”

He sighed. “Love you too Theo.” His lips pecked me briefly on my cheek. “Night.”