Admire Me - 7. Chapter 7 The Change

Mitch's car was a coat of red. When I got in, I felt comfortable. The Jaguar was just as luxurious on the inside, as it was on the outside. He blasted rap music, at a high echoing volume. I wanted to cover my ears, at the same time, I didn't want to be rude.

Somehow, I thought he could read my mind, because he turned the volume down on his music. It was a less disturbing volume, now. It was at a minimum to give me time to think.

Mitch was leaning back, steering his car with one hand. He was always relaxed it seem. "I didn't know you were Jason's brother." Mitch said still staring at the road. "I see you around campus sometimes. I just never would have believed you were related to Jason."

I couldn't believe he was opening a conversation with me. I sat awkwardly, trying to be careful with my words around him. He is a thug, he could hurt me, stab me, or shoot me, and not have any remorse behind it.

I was a bit on edge around Mitch because I have seen his kind in action. They carry weapons and other stuff. These are the type you fight them from long, long distance and hope they don't find out it was you who ruined their life.

After I never responded to him. He tried to talk to me again. "So, what happen with you at lunch?"

His question is not a good one to talk about at the moment. I don't feel like discussing that. It will only make me relive the worst moments of my day. I thought that since he is continuously trying to chat. Maybe I should give it a try too.

I should go ahead and tell him. It's not like I have any friends. What is there to lose?

I took the next ten minutes reviewing my horrible incident with Mitch. He was all ears, he didn't comment until after I had let all of it out.

"That's messed up, man. I would have been mad too." When I looked out the window. I realized my surroundings were unfamiliar. This isn't the way I go home. What is he doing?

"Where are we going?" I asked concerned. I had to ask him. I didn't want to be found on the side of the street.

He took his time to answer, "I was taking the long way to your house. I wanted to hear the whole story." that soothed my thinking for a quick minute, but I still felt uneasy around him. "So, you're not hanging around those guys anymore, are you?" he asked.

"No, I'll just be alone from now on. It is what’s best for me. I don't make time for traitors."

"You can sit with my table, and hang around me." he offered. I was delighted at his offering. I tried picturing myself at the urban table or the 'thug' table...well, I suppose it's better than nothing.

"Are you sure that is a good Idea?" I said testing his response. I was considering all the derogatory names his friends would call me, if I sat there.

"Yeah, we won't let anything happen to you. I promise." he smiled looking at me for a while. "What's it going to be?" he ended.

I thought for a split second before saying, "Sure, I think I can handle it."

Our car ride and conversation stopped a few minutes after that. The rest of the day at home, I was hit hard. Thinking about my old friends. I don't think I'm ready for the change that is here.

Small memories of the good days and the better times invaded my mind. It was a harder thing to deal with than I thought. It hurt to see Ryan's jacket he offered me at the game, to hear songs we all shared, to see old text messages from them, and most of all to see their beautiful faces in my head. I had to get away from them completely. I had to. If I keep thinking about them this way, nothing but despair will come from my decision.

I made the right choice! So, I'm sticking to it. I looked around my room identifying anything that had an emotional attachment to it from them, and I got rid of it. I threw Ryan's jacket away, I deleted the texted messages, and I hid the pictures we all took together. I have to get a fresh start.

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The days dragged on in a tiresome fight for me. I was brought to school by Mitch and drove home by him everyday. I met all the urban guys that sat at his table. C.J. and about five others.

My first time sitting there I thought they were about to eat me alive. The scary scowls on their faces, the attitudes, the clothes. All made me look even more out of place.

What surprised me, was they asked me questions, but not too many. They rather pick on each other. They always talked about girls, rims, new rap songs, smoking, who got beat up, and who they wanted to fight. All in all, they were pretty cool guys.

Some days I would peek over at my old table. The table I shared with my clique. Just to see how they were holding up.

Jade was alpha. He talked nonstop, but nobody listen to the gossip steaming from his lips. Keylan, would catch me looking sometimes, but he was quiet as Ryan now. The awful Korbyn, had his head down like he was sleeping from being so unentertained.

Jade was persistent in his quest to be friends with me. He called me about three times a week. I never answered though. He left me voicemails. Some of them he talked like we were still best friends.

On other ones, he just would say: "Hey Bray, pick up!", "I miss you, things aren't the same without you around.", "I'm not giving up on our friendship, I still wish we could hang out."," I heard a cute song that you might like to hear, just call me back."

I almost answered his calls, but something swirling deep within me never allowed it.

On the other side, Mitch. Kept turning out to be more gracious person than I thought. My first impression was `oh a thug, run!', but I never knew underneath his outer shell lies a heart.

I love the days when I would be at home with Nothing to do, and he texted me or called me. He would ask me everyday `is your days getting better?' my days were getting better. Especially since I have someone to talk about my problems.

I talked to Mitch more than I did anybody. The good thing was he listened to every word. Mitch had become a close friend to me, whether he knew it or not. I needed his presence ever since my clique wasn't there.

At lunch, sometimes he bought me extra snacks without asking me. C.J. and the others did this all the time, but for me it was a treat!

One day after math class. Jade tried another attempt to talk to me. I was at my locker. When Jade said, "Hey, it's been too long. What has been on your schedule?" he had a friendly warm smile.

Before I could answer, Mitch flew out of nowhere! Coming up behind me interrupting the whole situation.

"Uh-uh, no, no! We aren't having this! Whenever Braylon is ready to talk to you, he will! I don't think that day is today, so, bye." he said dismissing Jade.

Jade's eyes reflected a painful ache switching between Mitch and myself. He walked off down the hall never turning around. When he left, Mitch acted like Jade was never there.

"What are you about to do?" Mitch asked pulling his pants up.

"I'm heading... to my next class." I told him bashfully.

"Let me know if you have any problems." he said walking off.

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It had been two months, since I cut my clique off. I can't say at times I wasn't depressed, but coming to school had become easier each day.

October had left me devastated, but December had brought the winter in, and a new feeling, I can't yet describe.

Right now, I'm waiting on Mitch. He wanted to stop and get a pack of cigarettes before school. The heater in his car kept me toasty in the December weather. He was taking his precious time.

In case he didn't know I have a grade point average to keep up. So he better hurry up!

"Sorry about that." he mumbled entering the car. He was opening the cigarettes. For some reason he was fidgety today. I watched him wrestle to get one cigarette out. Then he lit it, but after three puffs he got frustrated.

"Dang! I told myself I would stop smoking!" he exclaimed.

"Are you okay?" I asked noticing his weird behavior. It wasn't like him at all. What is wrong with this guy?

"Yeah...I'm just dealing with so much." he said putting his head on his steering wheel.

"Talk to me about it." I offered him. He had been there for me when I had no one. I could at least do the same.

He rubbed his eyes. " can't... well you wouldn't understand this one."

"We have talked about everything, what could be so different this time?" I asked him wondering.

"Nothing...let’s just talk about something else." he murmured.

I didn't want to argue with him. I went along with his wishes and tried to find something new to talk about. Thinking quickly on my toes, I figured if he didn't want to talk about what was bothering him. Maybe I can ask a different question to get the same answer.

"Okay...why do you want to quit smoking?"

His head snapped around, as he looked at me. "Because," he sniffed. "I don't want you to judge me as a bad person." he blinked slowly.

"A bad person?...if I would have thought you were a bad person, I would have cut you off!" I told him. Why would he be scared of what I thought? I guess I still have my alpha status.

His expression looked relieved at the sound of my comment. His chest raised "You don't think anything negative of me?" he asked as if he didn't hear me the first time.

"No! You are like my new best friend. You were there when I had no one."

He deeply chuckled, and paused before asking me another question. "What do you think of me?" a curious appearance on his face appeared.

This should be easy to answer. I can say a multitude of good things, but I think I will share with him, the qualities I mostly picked up on. "You are independent, a giver, compassionate, sincere, and a patient guy." he had to be all of the above to deal with a character like myself.

He blinked slowly again. I couldn't tell if I had said something good or bad. His physical response was off. Judging from my previous sentence I think, I should have used other words. The soft words I used were not suppose to be used on a thuggish guy.

He started the engine, and we drove silently the rest of the ride. I didn't know! I forgot, I can't compliment people of different social statues the same. Every social circle has their own feelings to certain words.

I couldn't help, but feel bothered sitting in his car. If I had offended him, what word was it? Will he still take me back and forth to school? Will he tell his urban friends about the comment I made and they jump me? Is he taking me to school now? Or is he about to take me off somewhere to shoot me?

So many thoughts, so many things to consider. My mind drew out more long complexed questions as the silence sat around. That quick, just like the spill. I had lost another friend.

This is getting really bad! I was probably the odd ball hanging around with the urban guys, but I really relished it. This is my fault. I might have to sit with some losers, or even by myself!

Ahh! How does my life keep doing this? When everything is at it's best. Something small flips my life around for the worst. I want to scream so loud and break every window, on every house we pass up. I don't know how much more life was going to throw at me.

'I have to be more careful`, Was my last thought before the engine turned off signaling the end of my ride, and probably a new chapter of friends. I sat still for a moment feeling a dark gloom come over me as I was staring at my school.

I was preparing for another horrible long suffering day. I didn't try to look Mitch's way when I reached for the door. I was ready to get out of his car.

Clap!

The clapping noise of Mitch grabbing my left wrist, stopped me from exiting the car. It was a vice grip. A way of saying `hi' to your worst enemy. I knew this was the part where the bad things start.

He squeezed my wrist tighter. I kept avoiding eye contact with him. Afraid of what might happen. I shut my eyes, wincing in bruising pain. It hurt but I wasn't going to start screaming. I was too strong to scream like a little girl.

I wish someone would help me! I didn't know he was a psycho! I miss read him. I pray he lets me go, or just knock me out. Whatever it may be, I want to get it over with!

My train of thought had collapsed, and broke down. When I tasted the warm moisture of his lips entwine with mine. He kept locking lips with me. Sometimes stopping to lock his indigo gaze on me. His fragile ivory skin linked to me.

It was what I needed in my time of darkness. He continued to kiss me softly until all the bad thoughts, I had riding to school with him, erased.

My fingers combed his flipped brown strands of hair, until it was messy. My wrist was throbbing in pain, but I think it was worth it.

I attended to my wrist while he re-did his hair in his car mirror saying,"I'm sorry if I hurt you. I didn't know how to tell you that in words." The slang he used, added to the hott look. It opened my eyes to something I had not seen before.

Mitch was hott! I wonder what else is in store for us?