Admire Me - 4. Chapter 4 Party Conflict Cont.

I was laying back just taking in the presence of the most tremendous guys ever. I spend the majority of my days with these guys. They have an important place in my heart. It feels like they have become another part of me. I can’t see myself without them. I don't even know how I would cope with this reality if one of them was missing.

My friends cause a flood of the best emotions known to man. I can’t help, but feel...how should I put it, Empty inside. I still have a great time with them, but it's like something isn't there. Like…like a missing link somewhere. Whatever the link maybe, it causes confusion, and a dark pit of despair for me.

I'm glad they can't see the inside of me where the pit lies. If they could they would ask questions I don't have the answer to.

This dark pit makes some nights of sleeping, trouble and with my emotions adding to the thing without me knowing it. Makes it only bigger and harder to stop. I can’t cure the hurt it's just there.

I laid there zoned out in my own thinking. While the rest of the clique entertained their selves with horror movies, and playing games. I was to lost in thought to participate. They know when I'm thinking, leave me to myself. But that rule didn't stop them from occasionally looking back to check on me.

Nobody brought any sleeping attire. Ryan took it upon his self to give everyone some of his fresh basketball shorts. I'm sure he never had the chance to wear them. He has so much to choose from in his closets and drawers that it wouldn't matter to give some of it away.

I'm happy he did, because I can’t sleep in pants. It feels icky!

I had the perfect view of watching everybody change before me. When I put my shorts on, I felt more relaxed. The material brushed over my legs while I laid against Ryan's silk fluffy bed. His bed felt like a cloud and I couldn't keep my eye lids from closing...

*Dream*

I was in a dark pit chained up. I couldn't move or talk. My fear level intensified and my heart raced for help. I began to panic, thinking of any name I could. I needed someone to save me. I tried to fight to break free from the darkness and the chains.

Nothing helped. The more I moved, the heavier the chains got. Please let me out of here, it is too dark! Please...I don't deserve this!

Where am I?

After asking that question the events in my dream began to warp. I was trying to get out of this sad situation for once. My mind began to produce several ideas giving me clues and small hints of where I could be...

Unfortunately, before I could figure it out, I was coming back to consciousness...

My eyes popped open and I took a deep heaving breath like I had been under water too long. Sweat formed a thin coating on my skin. When my eyes adjusted to my surroundings. I felt relived in that very moment.

I did notice that there wasn't a light anywhere in Ryan's room at the time. My body finally came out of shock and I could feel again, but I was feeling something new and this was physical.

I laid on my back when I fell asleep. Right next to me was Jade laying on his stomach with his right leg in between both of my legs.

Wow!!

Ryan's heavy arm was wrapped around my midsection. I lifted his arm up and slid Jade's leg where it belong. It was an intriguing way to wake up. I never thought I would get to be in the position I was just in. I should have stayed there, but I have to get to the bathroom.

Gaining my strength back, I sat up in the bed, inching out of there. Careful not to wake anyone else up. Keylan was at the bottom of the bed sleeping. I had to slink my body over his.

When I was on my own feet now. I made my way to the bathroom. On my way I saw Korbyn wrapped up in sheets on Ryan's floor. Sleeping like the lovely...never mind. Scratch that thought.

I didn't like seeing my sleepy face in the mirror. I splashed cool water on my face. Trying to piece together my terrible nightmare.

I deeply thought about it. My mind kept going back to when I had woke up to Jade and Ryan entwined with me. It was the best experience my body had witnessed. I know it was pure accident. The act of them doing that was blissful.

Wait... how long was I sleep, before they did that? I thought to myself hanging over the golden facets of the sink.

Come on, Come on! Get this crap together, Braylon! Think deeper...

A flash of chains hit me. Then a flash of Ryan and Jade entwining me flashed before me. Something tried to click right then. The chains could have been Jade and Ryan's weight on my body. My mind made it feel like chains. The black pit I was in could have been Ryan's dark room.

No, no that doesn't fit. It sounds logical, but it doesn't fit. Let me try this again...

Maybe the chains were Ryan and Jade in a way, Maybe...the chains were all of my friends. Yeah! That sounds better to me. Now the pit has to be my loneliness... yes I have friends, but the loneliness from not having a higher love is what the pit is. I need somebody to love me back!

Oh my gosh! All this time of sleepless long nights. I didn't understand the blackness. Staying all night here tonight, helped me figure out what my body has yarned for. Happy with friends, but lonely underneath it all.

The missing link is love, for my friends. Wait, Do I want my friends that way? Obviously yes, which one though? There's things they all have unique about them.

I don't know which one, and Korbyn adds to my already confused state because I don't know why I like him.

I finally figured out my problem just to have another one pop up! I have to figure out who I want to be with. And if I can actually be with that person.

My thinking was interrupted when the bathroom door swung open.

"Are you okay?" Keylan said in a groggy tone.

"Yeah, I just had a bad dream, that's all." I can’t tell him what I woke up to. Or what I just figured out.

"I didn't know who was in here," he chuckled wiping his eyes. "Why didn't you stay up? We had fun last night." he mentioned.

I still slumped over the sink, he gracefully closed the door. My mind tried Not to panic. I did what I could do best…stay still!

He came closer to me. Standing behind me checking his reflection with mine. His eyes were brilliant green, and his body was hott! I remember him telling us `he doesn't like wearing shirts to bed.' leaving him beside me with only basketball shorts.

I hope I'm not being too obvious with my staring. This is my friend for crying out loud.

"I couldn't. I started thinking too deep and next thing I knew. I'm over the sink after a dreadful nightmare." I calmly answered back, trying to divert my eyes.

"Well..." he started, putting both hands on my Pecs. "You are a little tense. If you want to talk, I'm here. I owe you anyway, for stopping me from losing my head at the party." he said massaging my tension away. "Oh and for shutting David down!"

He was massaging in a circular rhythm. It was so good, I automatically closed my eyes. From the comfort of his athletic fingers bringing joy to my stress.

"It was nothing. What do you think I'm alpha for anyway?" I sighed

He suddenly stopped the massage. Did I say something wrong? Was he picking up on my vibes for him? I could smell the masculine testosterone emitting from his muscular pores. His warm muscles embraced me from behind.

Was I in another dream? I had to be. This is not possible. His lips were centimeters away from my ear. “You are the best alpha for me, and nobody can take that away from you." he seductively whispered. He left me standing in the bathroom speechless.

Was that a flirty remark? Or was it a sincere compliment?

After my thoughts slowed, my emotions mellowed. I went back to the room to sleep. This time my sleep was peaceful. I came out of the bathroom a new man. I didn't have all the answers I needed, but enough answers to know what I had to do.

*Morning*

Ryan begged us to stay for breakfast. His cook made a stack of bronze pancakes, crunchy sizzling bacon, and the best eggs I had ever tasted.

We sat and ate on Ryan's patio. A fantastic sight it was. The sun was peeking behind the clouds, the air was fresh, the temperature was just right.

One of those days my mind never will let go of. All of my clique here sharing a meal outside of school. We had fun sitting around laughing about our younger days.

Keylan kept asking me `did I bring my lip gloss?' I guess he was trying to be sarcastic. A few times, during our breakfast. Flashes of the massage he gave me came forth. So did the Jade and Ryan accidental entanglement. I was slipping in and out of the conversation because of how my mind was admiring my friends.

I left Ryan's house. I laid in my room trying to understand what Keylan said last night. I spent my whole day trying to see if he was talking in code.

Jason kept bringing more of his friends in our house. They kept making noise in his room. I was doing my best to block them out so I could think. I gave up trying to figure it out. It was obvious I needed more clues.

The question that I think of tonight as I fall asleep stings me.

Will I ever fall in love? Will someone love me back?