Hard Choices - 1. Chapter 1

Sean Collins sat at his desk and looked out at his office staff, smiled, then leaned back. It had all come to pass and he couldn’t be any happier about it. Who would have thought he could pull off such an amazing task? In a little over a year his startup company had become a force to be reckoned with. His idea to form a photography and ad company was paying off. He had, with the help of his employees, created a one of kind place that was growing by leaps and bounds. He even had offers to come to different cities.

Sean could say his life was turning out much better than he ever thought it would a few years ago. The troubles of his youth seemed to have faded away. He no longer had to worry about his family or their issues either. It was one of the nice things about moving away to a new city. It provided him with a chance to start over.

“Hey Boss-man, going for coffee. Do you want any?” Chet paused by his desk, seating himself on the edge of it.

“No thanks.”

“You sure? You look a little … distracted.” Chet stood up, arms crossed and looking concerned.

“Oh knock it off.” Sean looked up to see Chet raise his eyebrow. Sighing, he shook his head. “You know me too well. Just caught up in the past for a moment.”

“You still worried about your Mom?”

Sean sighed. Chet had known him for years and when he decided he needed to get away from his domineering father and his mother’s codependency, his life had taken an upswing. Luckily Chet was around to keep him on track and was his voice of reason. There was a reason he was second in command at P&A Prints, having acted as the occasional model, part time photographer, a guy Friday, and more than once as Sean’s conscience.

“Nah, Ted will take care of Mom. Since he got out of rehab he’s totally a different person.”

Chet shot Sean a look.

“Trust me, Chet.”

“If you say so.” Chet shook his head and rolled his eyes.

Sean knew there was no way he would convince Chet otherwise. He had been with Chet when his older brother had hit rock bottom. There was no way after witnessing what Ted was capable of, that Ted would ever win over his best friend and make him seem trustworthy.

“Go get your coffee. I’ll stay here in case we get a customer.”

Chet shook his head.

“What do you think the rest of the employees are for?”

“I like to give people the personal touch. So sue me.”

Chet laughed and shook his head. Sean smiled as he watched his best friend headed out the door into the warm January day.

Sean put away the proofs from the last photo shoot before he stood and stretched. He was about to sit back down when the door opened and a delivery man walked in with a huge bouquet of flowers.

“Um, I’m looking for Susan Doris. This is P&A Prints, right?”

Susan rushed from her desk toward the delivery guy.

“I’m Susan.”

“Sorry, for the interruption. I’m new to this area of town and not sure I was in the right place.”

Susan blushed as she signed for the flowers.

Sean couldn’t help but look at the guy. His uniform was tight and he appeared to be in good shape. Sean found him especially attractive when he spoke and little dimples formed in his cheeks.

Damn. I have been alone too long.

Clark, another of the staff came up to talk to Susan.

“Okay, so who sent you these? You finally find someone?”

Susan blushed again and hurried to her desk. Sean watched as the rest of the staff surrounded her while she opened the little card and turned an incredible shade of red. Sean headed over to her desk as well.

“Alright everyone back to work. Leave Sue alone. If she wants to tell us who is sending her flowers …” Sean looked at Sue as she looked to the floor before continuing, “then she will. If not, leave her alone.”

The little crowd left Sue and things slowly returned to normal. Sean smiled and headed back toward his desk as the front door opened once again. Half expecting another delivery man, he was surprised at the well dressed guy who glanced over the entire room before his gaze stopped on Sean. He smiled, flashing perfectly white teeth, and moved towards where Sean stood.

“I’m looking for Mr. Collins. I’m hoping I’m not mistaken, and that is you?”

“Yes, I’m Mr. Collins, but call me Sean, please. And you are?”

Sean reached out to shake the gentleman’s hand.

“Sorry. William Cutler. Will is fine.”

“Will it is then. So, how may I help you?”

“You were actually recommended to me by Alistair Joshua. You helped him with the photography for the Children’s Benefit.”

Sean smiled. He had been happy to help out with the cause. It was important to give back, but it didn’t hurt to get the name of the company out and recognized.

“I remember Mr. Joshua. The benefit was easy to photograph and it wasn’t exactly a rough job. So are you looking to do something similar?”

Sean allowed Will to sit before going behind his desk and grabbing out a notebook and pen.

“Yes. I’m working with a small local charity. They are trying to raise money to finish up a home for runaway and abused children. They have set a date in late March for their fundraiser. They are actually doing a multiple part event that day. There is a walk early in the morning, leading into a carnival and fair in the afternoon.” Will leaned back and smiled. “They are running most of the booths at the fair so that will help. They are also ending the evening with raffle drawings for various prizes that have been donated after their art action. We are hoping to hire you for the official photographs of the events so that they can be used to help advertise any other events they might come up with.”

Sean had been taking notes as he listened. He would need Clark and probably Chet to work extra cameras so all the action could be captured. This would look great in the portfolio he was trying to finish up. With the growth of the company it was important to show potential clients what the company was capable of. He was just lucky that Will had already seen his work.

“So, if I understand this right, you are looking to capture the events of the day. Sort of capturing candid moments, winners of events, and a sense of what happened during it all?”

Sean looked up and noticed Will’s deep green eyes and the smile he wore.

“Exactly. We are hoping this event puts them over the top, but want to make sure that if it doesn’t we can use it as a springboard for future events.”

Sean was already thinking of the ways they could use this.

“Can you get hold of a quality printer and have a computer ready at the event?”

Will’s smile got a little brighter and he leaned in toward Sean.

“Why? What do you have in mind?”

Sean leaned forward and began to sketch as he talked.

“Well, not usually how I like to use my work, but thinking of some of the different amusement parks and things. We can set up a booth and dump the photos we’re taking into it. Then we can have two or three designs of ‘frames’ and allow people to come up and pick out their photo, and pay to have it printed out in their choice of the frame. We can discuss the percentage later, but that way both the event and us can get a bonus out of it. Each of the frames will have the event and the company name on them. Gives people the chance to leave with a memory of the day.”

As Sean finished talking he turned his sketch pad toward Will to let him see a basic outline of three frames with different things around the edge, running shoes for the race, carnival foods and common rides, and last was a simple black frame with the event and photography studio’s name on the bottom.

Sean smiled as he watched Will’s finger trace out a bit of the design. He noticed there were no rings on his fingers and his nails were neatly clipped.

What is it with me and men today? I don’t even know if he’s gay.

“I think these will work very well, Mr. Collins.”

“Really, just call me Sean. I’m glad. I think this will work out very well for your event. Let me draw up the contracts, check to make sure I have enough people, and I will have a quote for you by tomorrow afternoon, if that is alright with you?”

Sean watched the man smile again. His easy going manner was making this meeting very easy to take.

“That sounds good to me. Once you have the proposal ready, I can take it to the committee. If they can’t afford it, I’m sure I can tap one or two of the sponsors to help cover it for them.”

Sean smiled. This is just what the company needed. He didn’t want to pad the bill too much, but he did want to make sure he covered the expenses of the day.

“Naturally, there will be vouchers for any of your photographers for drinks and food. There won’t be any hard liquor but there will be soda and water as well as burgers and hotdogs.”

Sean nodded. At least he wouldn’t have to worry about feeding his crew. That was one less thing to worry about.

They stood up and shook hands. The handshake lasted a bit longer than Sean thought it should, but he realized for some reason he was in no rush to let go of Will’s hand either.

“Until tomorrow then. I’ll be expecting your phone call to let me know when,” Will announced handing over a business card, only after he had written his personal phone number on the back of it. “I gave you my number, call anytime.”

Sean watched as Will walked to the door. He took in the man’s stature, the easy way he moved, and bulk of him. William Cutler was what he liked his men to be, all man. It didn’t hurt matters that he was older. He shook his head. That was one of the problems he’d had with his ex – he had been older, but also very controlling. It had made his life a living hell. He wasn’t in any rush to jump back into a relationship either. It had taken a while to put the mistakes of his last relationship into his past, and while he did have a tendency to lean toward older men, maybe this time he wouldn’t just jump into it.

The door beeped and Chet walked back in carrying a tray with two coffee cups. It was time to get down to business and maybe he could just hand this account over to Chet to work on. He would be there for the photography but Chet might be just the one to handle the face to face business with Will. It was something to consider.

_ * _ * _ *

The following day was busy as hell. There were bookings for weddings, people looking for designs for shirts, and a few companies were asking them to create new signs for the outsides of their businesses. These were the challenges and things Sean lived for. Everyone in the office seemed to be busy, so Sean took the latest contract and moved to the back so that people wouldn’t feel like he was hovering over them. He had just settled behind the wall where they posted upcoming events when Chet came strolling over.

“He’s here.”

Sean looked up blankly. “Who’s here?”

Chet sighed. “Mr. Cutler. Sorry, there is no way you are pushing him onto me. He is your client and you will deal with him.”

It wasn’t often Sean saw Chet blush, but even his skin darkened as he looked at Sean.

“What happened?”

“Nothing.”

“Bullshit.”

Sean sat there with his eyebrow cocked and the papers in his hand.

“Damn, can’t you for once just let it go?”

“No.” Sean smiled and waited.

“Alright already. He came in and I went over to greet him …”

“Yeah, and?”

“I shook his hand and said he really was handsome. I am so not going back out there to deal with him.”

Sean shook his head.

“Besides he is exactly your type of guy.”

“I’m not looking for a guy,” Sean snapped.

Chet crossed his arms and looked at Sean.

Sean looked back, but he was the first to break eye contact.

“Fine. I will handle Mr. Cutler.”

Chet smiled and shook his head. “Damn right you will.”

Sean got up and headed back out to deal with the man who had unexpectedly come into his life. As much as he wished Chet would take over he got a thrill seeing Will leaning against his desk waiting for him. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad.

­_ * _ * _ *

Sean found himself going to lunch or talking to Will nearly daily. There was no denying the attraction he felt to the man. Plus there was the added bonus that Will didn’t push for much of anything and seemed willing to let Sean take things at his own pace.

“Oh, I found the little present you left for me.”

“Hmm.”

“Will, honestly. I mean who gets someone a Winnie the Pooh Pez dispenser? I couldn’t help but laugh at it.”

“Good. You always seem so serious and I barely see you smile. You need to take time to enjoy life.”

Sean wouldn’t admit it, but the silly things Will gave him meant a lot to him. His desk, which use to be fairly empty, now held such things as a slinky, a few little toys, and a stuffed bear. He often found that the stuff on his desk disappeared and could be found on one of his various employees’ desks as they played with them. Will had slowly worked his way into Sean’s life.

“So are you going to meet me for lunch tomorrow?”

“I wish I could, but tomorrow the committee is meeting to finalize everything for the event. After all, it’s only a week away.”

“Ah.” Sean looked down. He was afraid that after the event Will might drift out of his life again. He hated to admit how much the man had come to mean to him. It had been a long time since he had felt comfortable enough to talk openly with any man. He knew he was beginning to fall for Will. The idea that he was running out of time and hadn’t admitted anything yet hurt him.

“If you aren’t busy tomorrow night, why don’t you come over for dinner?”

Sean nearly dropped the phone when he heard that. They had done lunch and talked about nearly everything, but so far neither had invited the other to their home.

“I make a mean lasagna. We can sit, talk, and watch movies. Besides, you said you hadn’t seen some of my favorites. This would be my chance to show them to you.”

“That sounds … great. What time do you want to meet?”

“Six sound okay?”

“Six is just fine.”

Sean was smiling as he hung up the phone.

“Alright, what has you smiling so much? As if I didn’t know.”

Sean turned to find Chet standing there.

“Oh nothing.”

“Nothing my ass. Are you going on another date with William?”

“It isn’t a date. He’s a client.”

“Yeah right, and I date girls.”

Sean laughed at that. Chet had been his friend a long time, but even before he had completed his transition from female to male, he had only ever dated men.

“Well he is a client. We just have sort of … well … I guess you could say we click.”

“Oh come on. He is just the sort of guy you like – older, handsome, and all male.”

Sean blushed.

“So what is the problem?”

“There isn’t one. I am just taking it slow. I don’t want another Trent.”

“William is nothing like Trent. Hell, Trent freaked when you talked to me. William, well he seems to be comfortable with everyone.”

“He is. He knows just about everything.”

Chet sat on the corner of the desk, his eyebrow raised.

“What?”

“Everything?”

“Well, we have been talking. He lets me talk about anything. I’ve told him things I haven’t told anyone in a long time.”

Chet nodded.

“So?”

“We haven’t …”

“You haven’t what?”

Sean rolled his eyes.

“Oh, so you haven’t fucked yet.”

Sean blushed.

“Would you mind keeping it down. I don’t need everyone knowing about my sex life, or lack of one.”

Chet laughed.

“So he isn’t rushing you into the sack. He is taking the time to get to know you. Is it really that bad?”

“Well, no, but I really wouldn’t mind if he made a move.”

Chet laughed and patted Sean on the shoulder.

“Would you relax? I like him.”

Sean smiled and glanced at the toys on his desk. It was an interesting relationship.

_ * _ * _ *

Sean soon learned Will was an excellent cook. He arrived at six o’clock to the delicious smell of Italian cooking.

“Glad you could come. I have dinner in the oven. I hope you don’t mind garlic bread. I made it fresh and I use cloves of garlic in it.”

“Sounds delicious. Need help with anything?”

“Nope. Would you like a glass of wine or a beer? I don’t drink much but I try to keep things in the fridge in case company comes over.”

Sean watched as Will moved around his kitchen. There were dishes already washed and in the drain board and Will moved quickly to check on the stuff in the oven before pausing to see what Sean wanted to drink.

“Wine, please. White if you have it.”

Will nodded and soon poured out a glass for Sean.

“Sit down. Dinner will be ready in a few and I already have the table set. So sit and talk to me while I finish things up.”

Sean watched as Will pulled out a bowl already filled with a salad of fresh greens, tomatoes, cucumbers, and radishes over which he then shredded some fresh mozzarella.

He ladled out a small bowl of extra sauce next.

“What on earth are you doing?”

“Well sometimes I like a little extra sauce. I don’t want it right on top of the lasagna. This way if you want it, it’s there. Besides, you can dunk the bread in it too.”

Sean laughed and took a sip of his wine. It was cold and dry. Just as he liked it.

“So how was your day today?”

“Busy. We booked a few weddings for next month, got an order for a couple of hundred flyers, and are trying to design a new sign for Weavers.”

“It sounds like your company has a lot on its plate. “

“Yeah, we do.”

Sean paused. It was the first time he realized that even the silences between them were comfortable. He didn’t feel like he had to fill them with idle chat. He smiled and took a sip of wine.

The night began with odd questions tossed out by both of them.

“So, when did you buy this house?” Sean sat looking at the bookshelves and knickknacks that filled the wall behind Will.

“I didn’t. I inherited it from my parents. Although I did a total update to it about a year ago.”

“Wow. Who did you hire to do it for you?”

“I did it myself.” Will smiled as he looked around him. “Took forever, or so it felt like.”

Sean sat back impressed.

“So, what is your favorite flower?” Will sat back and took a sip of his coffee.

“I don’t know. Never thought of it before.”

“Well I know you like purple.”

“Oh?” Sean chuckled as he took a sip of his wine. “And how did you come to that conclusion?”

“The picture of you and Chet on his desk. You were wearing the brightest purple shirt I’ve ever seen.”

Sean laughed. He remembered that picture well. It had been one of the days he was determined to have fun and didn’t want to worry about anything. He had even picked the brightest shirt in his drawer.

“Okay. So I like purple.”

The oven timer buzzed and Will pulled out a loaf of bread and then a glass container filled with homemade lasagna. Sean sat there watching Will move, and felt very happy. It had been a long time since he had been comfortable enough with someone to let his guard down and just enjoy himself.

“Come sit down. We can talk.”

Dinner was a delight. They sat and ate the meal talking the whole time. By the time they finished dessert and coffee they had been at it for over two hours. Eventually Sean helped Will clean up and they went into the living room. Will popped in a movie and then curled up on the couch. Sean found himself slipping in beside him. It seemed perfectly normal when Will’s arm came down and pulled him close. Between the wine, the food and the company Sean felt totally at ease. He wasn’t sure how long the movie had been on before he succumbed to sleep.

When he woke the rosy fingers of dawn were showing through the living room window. He had spent the night sleeping beside Will. He found that at some point Will had pulled the blanket from the back of the couch down to cover them and allowed himself to be used as Sean’s pillow.

“Damn, he is just too cute.”

Sean reached over and fluffed Will’s dark brown hair, noting the gray that was showing on the sides. He smiled as he realized most men in their forties were either balding or had a lot more gray in their hair. He looked and realized that there were also barely any wrinkles. Then he heard the slight snore as Will moved in his sleep. It seemed that Will was a solid sleeper. He leaned over and kissed Will on the cheek.

“Sorry handsome. Wish I could stay for breakfast, but I need to run home, change, and get to work.”

Sean stood up and stretched, being careful not to wake Will. He slid the blanket around Will’s sleeping form. He found a pad in the kitchen and quickly wrote a note.

Will,

Thank you for a lovely dinner. I really enjoyed our evening. Sorry to run out on you this morning. I have meetings with a bunch of clients that I really can’t miss. Will talk to you later.

Sean

Trying to make as little noise as possible, Sean gathered his jacket, locked the door behind him, and slipped out into the early morning light. The brisk morning air woke him right up and he hurried to his car to head home.

_ * _ * _ *

“Look, I can’t even remember the last time I was late. Just get everything up and going Chet. I’ll be there soon. I’m even getting you coffee.”

“Remember I like it black but sweet. Then you can give me all the details of your night with William.”

“Hmmm. No I will not give you all the details.”

“Oh? You mean you are that sore you can’t even remember it all!” Chet chuckled.

“What? Get your mind out of the gutter. I’ll be there shortly.”

Sean sighed as he slipped his phone into his pocket. The cool morning breeze hadn’t lasted very long and the day was already turning out to be a hot one. Of course that didn’t mean much to Chet. Sean smiled and knew that the man could drink coffee even if the temperature was two hundred degrees, as long as it was hot and had sugar he was happy. Sean in the meantime had ordered an iced coffee. He wanted the caffeine but sure as hell couldn’t handle anything hot. As he was heading for the door he spotted a little kid with a Winnie the Pooh shirt on and immediately thought of Will. He was so caught up in his head he didn’t notice as he walked into someone and spilled his iced coffee all over him.

“Oh shit. I’m so sorry. Wasn’t watching where I was going.”

He looked in horror at the gentleman’s white jacket which had turned a light coffee shade and was still dripping onto the floor.

“Well, guess I can’t wear this now.”

Sean paused and watched as the man slipped off the ruined jacket. He was wearing a dark blue dress shirt, opened at the collar. His dark Mediterranean complexion, deep brown eyes, and full lips nearly stopped Sean completely. Then he noticed the stray dark hairs curling over the man’s collar.

“Well, at least neither of us were hurt.”

Sean snapped out of it.

“I am so sorry. At least let me pay to get your jacket cleaned.”

“No, it’s alright. I really shouldn’t have worn a white jacket out. I was just asking for trouble.”

Sean noticed how the stranger smiled. The stranger paused and looked him over. Sean realized he was being checked out and blushed. He really wasn’t sure why this was affecting him the way it was. He was sort of dating Will.

“Look I feel absolutely horrible to have ruined your jacket. Here,” Sean slid a business card into the man’s hand. “Call me there. My name is Sean. I will have your jacket cleaned for you. It was entirely my fault.”

“Cesar.”

Sean cocked his head and looked at the sexy stranger.

“I’m sorry. Wanna run that past me again.”

“My name is Cesar. Cesar Caracas. Thanks for the card. I promise to call you later.”

Sean stood there a moment and as he felt himself blush he wanted to melt into the floor. Feeling embarrassed he nodded and hurried out of the door. He walked to work on auto pilot. It barely registered as he walked into the office that he was at work.

“Finally. Didn’t you get yourself anything to drink Sean?”

“Huh?”

“Earth to Sean. Are you alright?”

“Had a little accident, but I’m okay.”

Sean laughed as he watched Chet leaned back and quickly check him over for damage.

“You sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. By the way, William called and said he would talk to you tonight. I guess your date went well.”

Sean blushed as he realized he had been thinking of Cesar. What the hell was wrong with him?

_ * _ * _ *

“So what do you say to dinner tomorrow night?”

“I already told you, Cesar, I can’t.”

Sean looked up only to find Chet standing there looking down at him.

“Alright so you have plans. Look, Friday evening there is big function down at the church. They are trying to raise money for their charity work. They’re having a spaghetti dinner. You can’t say no to a good cause can you?”

Sean felt himself smiling. Cesar was really trying hard to get his attention, but Friday was the night before Will’s event. He needed the sleep so he would be on the top of his game. He felt guilty again and then saw the frown on Chet’s face. He knew the moment he put the phone down he was going to be in for the third degree.

“I’d love to, but the company has a major event the following morning. It is really important and I can’t miss it. I need to actually sleep before it.”

There was a moment of silence and Sean let out a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding.

“Well, that is alright. The dinner begins at five and I promise to have you home by seven. Scout’s honor.”

“You were a boy scout?” Sean sounded skeptical as he tried to picture Cesar in a boy scout uniform.

“Yup. Learned the motto by heart. Always be prepared.”

Sean let loose a laugh and was about to try again to get out of it, but was beaten to the punch by Cesar.

“Good. I’ll be by your job at five. See you then Sean.”

The click of the phone ended his laughter and he felt himself begin to panic a bit.

“Just what the hell was that all about? Who is Cesar?” Chet sat down and stared at Sean.

“No one.”

“No one my ass. You better not be making a date with someone else. Don’t you already have one on the line?”

“Please, enough. Who I am, or who I am not, dating is none of your business.”

Chet crossed his arms and looked at Sean.

“Look, honestly, nothing is going on between me and Cesar. I met him when I spilled coffee on his jacket. It was all an accident and now I’m just trying to make it up to him.”

Chet looked like he was about to speak when Sean’s phone rang again.

“Hello, P&A …”

“Hi Sean. I’m just calling to let you know everything is set on our end.”

Sean swallowed as he listened to Will’s deep voice.

“How about I meet you early in the morning for breakfast?”

There was a pause and Sean could feel Chet staring at him.

“Okay.”

“Say around six am? I can pick it all up and we can have it at the picnic tables near where the race is due to start. That way I don’t interfere with your work.”

Sean swallowed again and his mouth felt dry. He felt like he had been caught cheating and didn’t know why. He could feel the heat from his cheeks.

“Umm…” He glanced up to see Chet watching him carefully again. Swallowing again he tried to keep his voice sounding even. “Sounds good to me, Will. I’ll see you there.”

“Good. Can’t wait to spend some more time with you. Have a good night.”

Sean sat for a moment as the dial tone filled the silence.

“Wanna tell me again how there is nothing going on between you and either of them?”

_ * _ * _ *

Friday night was the longest night on record. Cesar arrived at five on the dot and together they walked to the church.

“So are you an only child?”

Sean shook his head no. He was determined to keep this at the friend level and nothing more.

“So you have a brother?”

“Yeah, and a sister. You?”

“I’m one of four myself. I’m one of the middle children. Two brothers and a sister.”

“Oh.” Sean slipped his hands into his pocket.

“You’ll meet them all tonight. My parents as well.”

“I’m meeting your whole family?”

“Yup. We are all involved in the church.”

“But being gay, well, doesn’t that make you unwelcome?”

Cesar gave a small sad smile.

“The church is where the message is delivered. Those who deliver God’s message are men, and sometimes they get the message wrong. God created man in his image. Therefore, I am who I am supposed to be.”

Sean looked at Cesar for a moment and had nothing to say to that.

It wasn’t long before they came to the church. There was already a line of people waiting, but when they saw Cesar they welcomed him and made way for him to get through. Sean simply followed in his wake. Cesar made his way toward the kitchen. As Sean looked through the pass through there was no denying Cesar was part of the family already working inside.

“Cesar, glad you made it.” No sooner had they reached the kitchen doorway than Cesar was being greeted by the priest.

“Father Mathers, you know I never miss an event. Besides, Mom and Pop would never let me live it down.”

“No, I wouldn’t,” stated a very pretty older woman who walked up to Cesar and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “So who is this? Did you forget your manners?”

“No, Mom. But at least let us get in so I only have to do this once.”

There was laughter behind Mrs. Caracas. Sean looked to see a small group of people moving behind her, some carrying large pots, others trays of meatballs, and a few were organizing plates.

“Alright everyone, I really don’t feel like embarrassing poor Sean the first time he meets you all. He is going to eat and sort of run. He has a big job tomorrow at his company, but he did agree to come down tonight.”

A petite young woman walked over and shook Sean’s hand.

“I’m his sister-in-law Lucy. Don’t worry, we might be a big group but we don’t bite, at least not much.”

Sean laughed. At least they were being nice. How was he going to explain to Cesar that he wasn’t really ready for this sort of thing? He already had Will that he was talking with. As soon as Sean thought of him there was a fluttery feeling in his stomach.

“Are you okay?”

Sean turned and was disoriented for a moment as he expected to see Will’s green eyes and instead found Cesar’s brown ones.

“Um … yeah. Just hungry I guess.”

“Good. You will make my mother happy.”

Sean ended up helping out in the kitchen for a bit. He wasn’t a great cook, but he took directions well and helped fill up the plates with spaghetti as the Caracas clan made sure everyone coming in for the dinner got their share. There was a tap on his shoulder and Sean turned to find Cesar there.

“Thanks for helping out here. I promised to get you out by seven and I keep my promises.”

Cesar guided Sean to small table in the back and the two sat down to eat.

“Your family really works hard for the church.”

“Part of our giving back to the community.”

“Yeah, community involvement is important.”

“So, I heard Momma filling you in on my life.”

Sean blushed. He really was just trying to keep his head down but Mrs. Caracas had tracked him down and pushed to find out about him while she gave him information on Cesar.

“Well, I really didn’t pry. Your mother is very proud of you.”

“Yeah. She is after grandchildren.”

“I heard that. Sort of hard when your son is gay though.”

“Oh I don’t know. Find the right guy and you can always adopt.”

Sean froze. He was not ready to go down that road yet, never mind talk about it with someone he barely knew.

“So, I heard my mother was going on about ages too. Does it bother you to know I’m older?”

Sean paused a moment. Seems everyone he looked at was older lately. Will had asked the same question when he found out about the fifteen year age difference. Now here was Cesar doing the same thing about a five year age difference.

“No. Age is just a number really.”

“Good. So when can I see you again?”

Sean nearly choked on the meatball he’d been eating.

“Breathe. Are you okay?”

Sean shook his head. For a moment he really didn’t know what to say.

“Um, I am sort of seeing someone.”

“Sort of?”

“Well, we haven’t committed but we talk and get together sometimes.”

Sean seemed to take a minute.

“Alright. Well, nothing says we can’t be friends.”

Sean nodded. He felt distracted for the rest of the meal, and was afraid of saying something wrong. When they had both eaten, Cesar walked him back to his car.

“Thanks for coming. It really meant a lot that you helped out.”

“It was nothing.”

Cesar leaned over and kissed Sean. Sean was swept away for a moment, but pulled back.

“Sorry. I didn’t think you would mind. I just wanted to thank you for coming.”

Sean blushed. Things were getting more complicated than he was comfortable with. He waved awkwardly and rushed to his car.

“Fuck. Why now? And I have the full day tomorrow and the early breakfast with Will.” Sean muttered as he nervously drove through the fading sun light home.

_ * _ * _ *

Sean looked at the food before him and laughed.

“I thought you said this would be a simple breakfast.”

“It is. I just wasn’t sure what you’d like.”

Sean shook his head in amazement. The table was covered in a cloth and there was a picnic basket sitting on it. Sean had watched as Will seemed to pull an endless supply of food out of the basket. There was a small plate of fresh cut fruit, a quiche, bagels, cream cheese, butter, some coffee rolls, two donuts, a thermos of coffee, and a jug of orange juice.

“There is only the two of us. You have enough food for an army.”

Will blushed.

“Well, wanted to make sure you ate well so you’re ready for the day.”

Sean smiled. There was no denying Will was trying to make a good impression. Sean walked over to hug him and was surprised to find the big man leaning in and kissing him. The kiss was far too short for Sean’s liking, but it confirmed in his mind that Will had to like him too.

“Sit and eat. From the sounds of it you won’t have much time to rest today so you might as well take it while you can.”

“I still can’t believe how much food you have here. Did you make it all again?”

Will laughed.

“I made the quiche, but the bagels I bought fresh this morning. I didn’t know what kind you might like so bought a half dozen and got two of each of my favorites.”

Sean laughed and sat down. He found talking to Will to be very relaxing and he found himself opening up and discussing things he normally would never think of mentioning.

“I don’t know if I am ready for a long term relationship,” Sean stated as he took a bite of his bagel.

“Look, it isn’t like you are going to be asked to get married tomorrow.” Will took a sip of his orange juice and nearly choked when he looked at Sean. “Stop with the eye roll, would you!”

Sean laughed as Will watched his antics.

“I’m sorry. It is just the fact that my last relationship, well it wasn’t what you would call healthy.”

Sean paused and looked at his hands. Even bringing up his relationship with Trent hurt. Suddenly he looked down to find Will had covered his hands.

“Look, it isn’t hard to tell you’ve been hurt. I’m just saying you never know when someone is going to come along and you find yourself with the right one. It is so important that you don’t close yourself off. Someday the right one will be right before you and you have to give yourself a chance to be happy.”

Sean sighed.

“Just so I don’t lose myself.” The words were out and barely a whisper, but Sean refused to look up.

“You should never lose yourself. A relationship should bring out the best in both of you. If it isn’t, well, then it’s time to move on.”

Sean sat there feeling very much the fool. Before he could say another word his moment of discomfort was interrupted by a loud voice.

“So here you are! Chet and I were looking everywhere for you, boss.”

Sean looked up to find Clark strolling over. He was dressed in a short sleeve white dress shirt and a pair of blue jeans. Sean was happy to see he was wearing dress shoes so at least he didn’t look like he might be a part of the event. A moment later he spotted Chet as the smaller man made his way over to the table. Sean glanced over and saw Will smile.

“You didn’t exactly say where to meet, Sean. “ Chet shot a look at the breakfast set between Will and Sean then turned to Clark. “You know you could have waited for me. I don’t mind if you go off but trying to keep up made me feel like a puppy running after you.”

Chet was dressed in dress slacks and a light tan shirt. He was wearing comfortable shoes and tried to stand between Clark and the food.

“Well I was trying to find him. Sorry, I forget you are so short sometimes. Besides, look, he got us breakfast.”

Sean laughed as he heard Chet sigh.

“Sit down. I have plenty for everyone,” Will said with a smile.

Sean tried to hide his frustration at having someone butt into his time with Will.

Clark walked over and grabbed a bagel and began to load it up with cream cheese.

“Thank God. I forgot to stop for breakfast.”

Sean was about to say something when Will stood up.

“You guys enjoy. I’m taking a piece of the quiche. I have to go get some work done before this thing kicks off. When you’re done just pack what is left in the basket. I’ll have someone get it for me later.”

Sean didn’t even get a chance to say thank you as Will vanished into the beginnings of the crowd.

“Sorry, Sean.” Chet stood by Sean’s shoulder.

“Don’t worry about it.” He glanced at Clark who had nearly finished his bagel and was pouring out a cup of coffee.

“This quiche is good. Did he mention where he got it?” Chet turned and was watching Sean.

Sean blushed a bit. “He made it. Both of you grab what you want and then let’s get this show on the road.”

A moment later, Sean had given them both their instructions for the day. All he had to do now was stop and make sure Susan had arrived. At the last minute he’d come up with the idea of adding her to stay at the booth so that he, Chet, and Clark could just focus on taking pictures. He put all thoughts of Will out of his mind and headed out to begin his day.

_ * _ * _ *

Monday morning Sean woke to pain. He realized that spending the whole day outside, running around taking photographs meant you were under the sun, and therefore could get sunburned. His arms, neck, and face were a bright red and hurt like hell.

Carefully he crawled to the phone and called Chet.

“This better be damn important to wake me up before six am!” Chet couldn’t have sounded more aggravated if he’d tried and he sounded like Sean woke him up.

“I’m not coming in today. I need you to hold down the fort.”

“What’s up?”

“I am so badly sunburned that I can barely move.”

“Didn’t I tell you to put on sunscreen? Clark listened to me, but no, Mr. I Know I Am Doing got himself burned like a lobster.”

“Shh. Stop yelling at me.”

“You’re the one who woke me up. Be grateful I don’t come over there and put ice on you. Next time listen to me.”

“Yes, Chet. Next time I give you permission to hit me if I don’t put on sun tan lotion when we have an outside shoot. Happy?”

“Very funny. I’ll take care of the store. You just make sure you’re in tomorrow. Wednesday is when Will is coming to pick up the book we are supposed to have created. I’ll start looking and pulling photos. Oh, and you can thank Susan for getting people to sign releases when they were at the photo booth so that their photos could be used to promote Will’s little project too.”

Damn. Where has my mind been lately?

Sean lay back in bed to relax. He had just about gotten as comfortable as he could after putting on some skin moisturizer when his cell phone rang.

“Hello.”

“Hey you. How are you today?”

“Cesar?”

“The one and only. Figured I would check in to see how you made out. I know you said you had a major event for your company yesterday.”

“I’m … shit.” Sean jerked as he moved to keep the pillow from pressing against his skin.

“What is wrong?”

“Nothing really. I just have a really bad sunburn and moved wrong is all.”

“Do you have aloe?”

“I just put on some moisturizer. That should take care of it.”

“Nothing compares to fresh aloe right from the plant. Trust me, it will feel a hundred times better. Mom keeps a number of them growing at all times. Hell we give them away.”

“I couldn’t take that from you.”

“No problem. I can drop it off.”

“No,” Sean sort of rushed out. “I mean that wouldn’t be fair to you.”

“Hey, you’re in pain. Besides, I heard you mention you are just around the corner from my gym. I can drop it off to you later.”

Sean sighed. Seems every time he tried to do the right thing something got in his way. It was like his father use to say, with life all you can do is roll the dice and try to do the best you can with what comes up.

“Sean?”

“Sorry. Okay. Call when you are at the gym and I’ll talk to you later.”

“Okay. Talk to you later.”

Sean leaned back carefully. Why does my life have to be so complicated?

_ * _ * _ *

“Glad to see you made it in.”

Sean looked up to find Chet leaning against his desk. He wasn’t sure how long Chet had been there. He was running over the events of the last couple of days and to be honest, he wasn’t happy with how he was acting. Both Cesar and Will were great guys, but it wasn’t right that he was attracted to both of them. It seemed the more he tried to avoid one the more often he crossed paths with both.

“You okay?” Chet stared down at Sean.

“No.”

“Alright,” Chet began as he swung his leg over the chair and sat facing Sean. “Spill it. What’s up?”

For the next ten minutes Sean told Chet all about Will and Cesar. He held nothing back and when he was done he felt emotionally drained.

“Shit, I can’t find a date lately and you have two men?”Chet shook his head. “So what do you want to do?”

“I don’t know. I feel like I am cheating on both of them. The truth is Will is great. We talk nearly every single day. We eat out, we have fun. He is really sweet, but he hasn’t done more than kiss me.”

“And Cesar?”

“Shit. He is sort of the same way. Since we met he has gone out of his way to let me know where he is. He is attentive, caring, and hell I’ve met his family too.”

Chet sat back and looked at Sean.

“Would you say something? Help me out here.”

“Okay. You’re screwed.”

“Thanks.” Sean sat back and frowned.

“It’s true. I can tell. You like them both. The thing is you can’t have them both. So what are you going to do?”

“I have no idea.”

“Do they know about each other?”

“No!” Sean looked down at his hands. “Yes. I mean sort of.”

“Well thanks for that. That was about as clear as mud. What the hell do you mean?”

“Cesar knows that I am talking to someone. I made it clear I was trying to figure things out.”

“And Will?”

“No. No clue there at all.”

­_ * _ * _ *

Two weeks later and Sean still didn’t know what to do about Will and Cesar.

“I didn’t expect you to show up tonight.”

Cesar stood there smiling down at him.

“Well, I brought you a little present.”

Sean watched as Cesar pulled a dozen roses in red, pink, and white out of a box. He set the bouquet down on the desk and then sat down. A second later he jumped back up.

“Ouch. What the hell was that?”

Sean looked down to find the Winnie the Pooh Pez dispenser had been shattered when Cesar accidently sat down on it. There was no saving it, so he sadly swept it into his garbage can.

“It was a gift from a friend of mine.”

Cesar looked upset.

“Don’t worry.”

Sean stood up and headed toward the side door. He was stressed and desperately wanted a cigarette.

“Where are you going?”

“Into the alley. I need a smoke. Follow if you want.”

Sean barreled outside and lit up a cigarette. This wasn’t what he wanted at all. He lowered his hand and let the cigarette smoke out. Before he could take another breath Cesar was at his side.

“Look, I’m sorry I broke that thing on your desk. I really didn’t mean to. You know I like you. Hell, my whole family thinks you are a nice guy. I just want the chance to get to know you. Is that so wrong?”

Sean was painfully aware of how close Cesar was standing. He could smell the sandalwood soap he used, and the scent of his shampoo.

“I know.”

Cesar stepped closer and looked down into Sean’s eyes.

“I am sorry.”

“I …”

Just like that Cesar stepped in and kissed him. Almost unconsciously he felt his arms reach for Cesar and out of the corner of his eye he thought he saw someone standing at the end of the alley way.

“That was nice.” Cesar smiled.

“Excuse me,” Sean mumbled and hurried toward the front of the shop. When he reached the roadway it was packed with people. Shaking his head he returned to Cesar.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I guess. Thought I saw someone.”

Together the two entered back into the business. He hadn’t reached his desk when he heard Susan.

“Oh my God! They are beautiful. Why would someone throw out something like this?”

Sean looked up to see Susan holding a bouquet of purple roses and flowers. He felt off balance for a moment, but for the life of him couldn’t figure out why.

_ * _ * _ *

Sean smiled a bit sadly as he moved the last of the toys into his drawer. He had moved in with Cesar a week ago. He missed hearing from Will and sharing what was going on in his life.

“You okay?”

Chet was standing there holding out a cup of iced coffee to him.

“Yeah, thanks for this.”

“What’s wrong?”

Sean felt stupid bringing up Will. The last time he had seen him was three months ago. He had arrived at the office only to see Chet and Will having a heated discussion. When he had walked over to find out what was wrong, the two men had stopped talking and simply looked at each other.

“Nothing, really. We were just having a discussion about life.”

Chet looked over as Will spoke, but didn’t say a word.

“Are you sure you two are alright?”

Chet was about to speak when Will cut him off.

“Yeah, we’re fine. Actually I had stopped in to say good-bye. I have been asked to take care of some business that will take me out of the area for about six months. I just wanted to let you know.”

The news was a blow to Sean. He couldn’t understand the change that his relationship had taken with Will in the week or so after the event was over. He felt like he was losing a part of himself. It had been a long time since he had opened up and told someone all the things he had shared with Will.

“I see.”

“Smile Sean. I won’t be gone forever. Just wanted to let you know what was happening in my life. We don’t get to talk as often as we did and I’m not sure what my schedule will be. I just didn’t want you to think I had dropped completely out of your life.”

Sean had walked over and hugged Will. That had been the last time he had heard from him. Chet still wouldn’t tell him what the two of them had been discussing.

“Come on Sean. You’re no good at keeping secrets. What’s wrong already?”

“Nothing really. Just have a few things on my mind. Was wondering how Will is? I haven’t heard from him in months. Also trying to decide what I want to tell Cesar.”

“He finally asked you, huh?”

“You knew?”

“Come on. He was asking what size ring you wear. You didn’t think he was going to pop the question?”

“I don’t know what I was expecting.”

“Well, you have some decisions to make.”

Sean looked at the drawer full of toys and slowly closed it.

“Yeah, I guess I do.”

_ * _ * _ *

The wedding had been held at a Unitarian Church. The ceremony had been Cesar’s one condition. Sean would have been happy to do everything in one place, have the reception, and forgotten the whole thing, but Cesar wanted a church wedding.

“I still can’t believe I agreed to this.”

“Shut up. You look good.” Chet reached over and adjusted Sean’s tie as they prepared to go out and greet everyone as they left the church in a receiving line

“Well if he got his church wedding, I wanted the traditional things to bring good luck.”

“Yeah, but that is usually the bride. I mean something old, something new, something borrowed and …”

“Something blue,” Sean announced pulling up his black tux pant’s to show off his blue socks.

Chet and Sean laughed as Cesar poked his head in.

“Come on, babe. They are all heading out.”

Sean walked over and stood alongside his husband and greeted the various guests as they left the church.

“I just wanted to wish you both all the best.”

Sean froze as he heard the voice. Turning he saw Will in a dark blue suit and large dark sunglasses.

“Thank you for coming. I don’t think we’ve ever met before?”

“No. Just an old friend of Sean’s who couldn’t stay away.”

“Will?”

“Hi. Congratulations on your wedding day. I told you the right man would come along.”

Sean was about to speak when he heard a sudden intake of breath along side of him. Turning he saw Chet looking like he was about to explode.

“Hello Chet.”

“Will. Nice of you to come.” Chet turned to Sean as the next guest walked up. “I just need a word with Will. I’ll be right back.”

Sean watched as the two walked off. He would have followed, but Cesar hugged him and introduced him to one of the many guests who had come to see the ceremony.

When he was finally free he turned to find Chet walking back over.

“Where did Will go?”

“He just stopped by to wish you well. He had something else he had to go to.”

Sean felt heartbroken. He had hoped he would have time to talk to Will and explain what had happened, but it seemed the time for talk had passed.

“Come on, Hon. Time to get going. The photographer wants to get some special pictures with us before the reception.”

Sean turned and hugged his new husband.

_ * _ * _ *

“Come on. I want to see these artists.”

“Chet, I have work to finish and Cesar is coming home tomorrow. I would like to be awake when he does get in the door.”

Chet crossed his arms.

“Nope. You owe me. We always check out the new talent when you want to. This event was by invitation only. It is being held by Alistair. You remember him, don’t you?”

Alistair Joshua was one of their first major clients. It was because of him, that so many others took a chance and helped get his fledgling company off the ground.

“Yes, I remember Alistair.”

“Great. Cause this is a showing of five new artists. I want to see what their work is like. One of them is even being hailed as the new Norman Rockwell. They say he uses local people as his models and his work is that good.”

It was a few hours later that they arrived at Alistair’s gallery. The man himself was close to the doors and he rushed over as soon as they entered.

“I’m so glad you two could come. I really am proud of the artists here.”

Sean smiled and nodded. He let Chet handle Alistair as he wandered into the gallery to see what was being offered.

In each area the artist mixed with the various guests who were there. The work in the first two sections were good, but nothing stood out to him. The third section he was surprised to find a photography display with some truly interesting shots. He talked to the photographer and even made an arrangement for her to come in and possibly do some work for him. Smiling he headed into the fourth section, but the artist did strictly landscapes and while they were pretty, the subjects were nothing special. He was getting bored as he turned into the final section and stopped. Before him were three paintings entitled family. It was clear that the first were single parents and their children as they played Frisbee in the park, the second held the traditional mother, father, and children playing in the park. The final in the series held two gay couples and their children as they walked along a pond in the park. What struck him was the figures looked like anyone else. They were the models of magazines, but the faces and bodies of everyday people. Intrigued he found other paintings, each as different as the one before but holding out hope of life as it should be. There was a series entitled love showing various couples kissing, male and female, two females, and two males.

What continued to catch his attention was the detail paid to the faces and the tenderness the paintings evoked. He really wanted to meet the artist and turned the corner only to stop cold.

Before him was the only painting the artist hadn’t shown the face of. It was titled Groom. He stood looking at a figure in a black tux, with curly dark hair, caught in the sunlight. The pants leg on the left side was folded and you could clearly see the bright blue sock of the groom. He stood frozen to the spot.

“I know. That is his most powerful painting. I really wish he would have painted it so we could see the groom’s face.”

Sean turned to find Alistair beside him.

“Who is the artist?”

“I think you know him, William Cutler.”

Sean swallowed.

“I know he was here, but wasn’t feeling well at all. I hope he hasn’t left.”

Turning Sean began to look for Will. A moment later he spotted Chet.

“Did you know?”

“Did I know what?”

“That Will was one of the artists?”

Chet turned and looked at him. Sean knew the moment Chet’s eyes found the painting.

“Holy shit!”

“Why would he do this?”

“What do you mean why would he do that? The man has been in love with you.”

“No, he left me. That’s why I finally agreed to go with Cesar.”

“Actually, he saw you kissing him in the alley way.”

“He what? Why didn’t he say something?”

“Because he felt you had made your choice. He left so he wouldn’t have to see you with Cesar. Hell didn’t you wonder why he was wearing glasses at your wedding? The man’s eyes were as red as shit.”

Sean suddenly felt very stupid. He began to hurry to see if he could find Will. He was about to give up when he spotted a man with a cane just outside the door. There was a bit more gray to the hair, but he was sure it was Will. As he hurried to the door and called out a cab pulled up.

“Will?”

Sean watched as the figure froze and then slowly turned to face him. There stood Will.

“Hi Sean.”

“I … I just wanted to say the painting was beautiful.”

Will stood there and slowly smiled.

“Thank you, Sean. I’m glad you could see it.”

Sean stepped closer and the cab blew it’s horn.

“Hey buddy, you getting in or not?”

Will waved and turned and climbed into his cab.

Life was a gamble and he had taken his chance, but as he stood there watching Will’s cab pull away he knew that he was the one that got away. Some small part of him would always wonder what might have been as he turned to go back into the gallery to find Chet. Tomorrow, Cesar would be home and his life would continue, but that didn’t stop the hurt he felt at that moment.