Severely Moonstruck - 3. Invigoration Draught

The wolf delighted in its strength and yet was angry at its confinement. If only it could get out! Smell the night air, howl at the moon, hunt for prey! But it was trapped, and there was no prey.

Wait!—There was something. A scent, drifting in from under the floorboards. It was human. A human scent, warm and strong, and it was right beneath the wolf’s feet. Prey!

It began to scratch at the floor with its razor sharp claws, attempting to dig a hole so it could reach that warm human scent, so lush with blood and sweat and adrenaline. The wolf’s fangs glinted in the moonlight streaming in between the planks of a boarded up window. The floorboards creaked and cracked.

An opening! Escape! Now it would find its prey, tear it apart, limb from limb, consume it! Soon—

* * *

‘What the hell happened?’ Remus hissed angrily at Sirius. ‘Would you mind telling me why I just spent the better part of half an hour trying to convince Dumbledore not to expel you?’

‘Is he going to expel me?’ Sirius looked worried, and rightly so, thought Remus.

‘You know, I almost wish he would! How could you be so reckless?’ Remus paced up and down the dormitory. ‘And no, he’s not expelling you. You just lost Gryffindor a hundred points, though. I swear, if it hadn’t been for James . . . Do you understand what would have happened if he hadn’t intervened? Snape could have been killed!’

‘What a loss . . .’ Sirius muttered under his breath, looking away.

Remus stopped his pacing and glared at him. ‘Padfoot, I don’t care what you think of him, he does not deserve to die!’ he said sharply. ‘You don’t even know him, you’ve never taken the time to! Do you really want the death of an innocent person weighing on your conscience? On mine? If Prongs hadn’t stopped him, I might have killed him. If you don’t care about Snape, at least pretend you give two fucks about me! Why do you think I go down there every month, to have a laugh? I go there so that I won’t hurt anyone!’

Sirius bit his lip. ‘I didn’t think of that,’ he mumbled.

‘Of course you didn’t think, you never think!’ Remus retorted.

There were a few moments of silence. Remus ran his left hand through his hair. The right one was bandaged. Somehow he had managed to get a deep cut in it, which was not yet quite healed. He had deep shadows under his eyes, and had never felt so tired before in his life. Having returned from the Shrieking Shack that morning, exhausted and bitter, he had immediately been sent to Dumbledore’s office, where he had first been interrogated about whether he had had anything to do with the incident, followed by a threat to have his Prefect’s badge removed unless he could keep his friends in check. He imagined that becoming Head Boy was nothing but a pipe dream now.

He felt like he hadn’t slept in weeks, but there was no time to sleep now. If he wanted to stay on top of his schoolwork he had better get cracking.

‘I don’t suppose you took any notes for me?’ he asked Sirius without looking at him. The latter cringed.

‘Only in Defence,’ he mumbled. ‘I’m sorry, I forgot. You know I don’t usually take notes . . .’

‘What did we do in Potions?’ Remus yawned, rubbing his eyes.

‘An Elixir to Induce Euphoria,’ Sirius replied with a hopeful half-smile. ‘It was fun, really. I took some. Got totally high! Like being drunk, minus the violent streak and the headaches after.’

Remus ignored the last part and sent another glare his way. Then he sighed. ‘Euphoria . . .’ he muttered. ‘That’s fairly complex. Hope it won’t be in the NEWT . . .’

‘It wasn’t that bad, I managed to brew it just fine. Both Evans and Snape got extra points for it, of course. They were both excellent, as usual.’ He sounded positively revolted at the very concept.

‘Yeah,’ said Remus absently, too tired and angry to really care. ‘I need to go catch up on my studies. I’ll need those Defence notes from you later.’

He gathered up some schoolbooks and left the dormitory without giving Sirius another glance. How could he? How could Sirius use him to try and hurt someone else? A part of Remus just wanted to cry.

He headed off to the library. It was a rainy day, so quite a few people were studying. The library was full, aside from one seat at a small table where Severus Snape sat hunched over his Potions book. There was a stack of ancient, leather-bound tomes next to it and the top one was open.

Reluctantly, Remus went over to him.

‘Can I sit here?’ he asked. Snape immediately closed his book before looking up.

‘Oh, it’s you,’ he said, his voice flat. ‘I suppose. All better, I see?’ He looked Remus up and down with some suspicion.

‘Yeah,’ said Remus uncomfortably. He sat down in the empty seat. ‘So, what were you working on?’ He glanced at the open library book. It displayed a page about various herbs and their properties in potions.

‘None of your business,’ Snape replied coldly and looked away. Remus’s discomfort grew. So Snape suspected he had something to do with the prank. He felt a flush creep up his cheeks, and suddenly had an urge to return to the dormitory and wring Sirius’s neck.

Instead he just said, ‘All right.’ His voice was a little weak. He was so tired.

Snape glanced at him and sighed. ‘I’m trying to find a way to improve the Elixir to Induce Euphoria,’ he explained at last. ‘I’m trying to actually make it useful. You know, less obvious. Here, look.’ He opened Advanced Potion-Making again and showed him a page. ‘I figure if I add some peppermint it might make it more subtle. Counter some of the less fortunate side-effects.’

Remus leaned over to see more properly and caught a whiff of a familiar scent, sweet and somewhat musky. He had no idea where he’d smelled it before, but it overpowered his senses. He drew a sharp, deep breath and closed his eyes, pulling away from Snape, and shuddered for a moment, grabbing hold of the table to steady himself. He could hear his blood rushing to his head.

‘What’s wrong?’ asked Snape, grabbing hold of Remus’s shoulder to prevent him from falling out of his chair. His voice sounded very far away. Startled, Remus shook off the hand and opened his eyes, reality rushing back in awfully quickly. His eyes met Snape’s and he shuddered again.

‘I… It’s nothing, I’m okay now,’ he lied, looking away. ‘Just a little dizzy. Still not quite well, I think.’

He had the distinct impression that Snape didn’t buy it, but the other let it lie. ‘You look tired.’ Snape reached into his bag and pulled out a small vial filled with orange liquid. ‘Here,’ he said, handing it to Remus. ‘It’s Invigoration Draught. I brewed a batch last week, it really helps with the studying.’

Remus glanced at the vial suspiciously before taking it. Pulling the stopper revealed a sweet and comforting smell. Remus took a small sip.

He felt his head begin to clear at once. ‘Thanks,’ he said, and made to return the vial, but Snape shook his head.

‘Drink it all. I’ve got more,’ he said.

Remus did, and when the vial was empty, he felt like a new person. Awake and alert and ready for whatever the world tried to throw at him. Snape took the empty vial and replaced it into his bag.

‘So, what was it this time?’ asked Snape, picking up his quill.

‘Sorry?’

‘Your illness,’ Snape clarified. ‘What was it? Common cold? Pneumonia? Dragon Pox?’ He glanced at Remus. ‘Or perhaps just a bit of Lunacy?’

Remus blinked and looked at Snape. He knew. It was obvious that he knew. ‘No,’ he said slowly. ‘Nothing serious, I was just a bit off-colour. Burnt out, if you will . . .’

‘What about your hand?’

‘Got scratched,’ Remus replied. ‘By a cat that snuck up into our dormitory while I was ill.’

Snape clearly didn’t buy this either. There was a chill in his voice when he said, ‘I suppose you heard that your friends tried to pull a prank on me, then?’

This time Remus gave a snort, in spite of himself. ‘You could say that.’

‘Do you think it’s funny?’ Snape snapped. ‘Do you have any idea what—’

‘No, it’s not funny,’ said Remus hurriedly. ‘It’s not funny at all! I’m sorry, it’s just that they’re always getting into trouble, and they drag me into it too and . . . I suppose the only way to deal with it is to laugh at it.’ He looked away, attempting to mask his guilt. He hadn’t been himself, that was true, but he had almost bitten Snape. He could have killed him or, what was almost worse, made him like himself.

There was a short silence during which Snape seemed to compose himself again before he spoke next. ‘Do you know what’s down that tunnel?’ he enquired conversationally.

Remus shrugged. ‘No, never been there.’

‘Don’t lie, will you?’

‘I’m not!’ Remus lied again, feeling rotten. Then, to change the subject, ‘What’s that you’re working on?’ He pointed to Snape’s notes.

Snape glared at him before rolling his eyes. ‘Draught of Peace. We brewed it last year, remember, for OWLs? You must have done decently enough or you wouldn’t be in the NEWT class . . . Anyway, I’m experimenting with the amount of hellebore in it. I believe that if one ups the dosage of hellebore and adds lovage to the mix, one might end up with a potion that renders the drinker temporarily insane instead. Of course, it’s just a theory, and I can’t test it on anyone.’

Remus laughed then.

‘What?’ said Snape a little sourly.

‘When you talk about Potions, it’s like you’re a completely different person,’ Remus remarked, smile still in place. ‘You sort of light up and actually seem like you care, for a change. You’re usually just . . . well, sort of blank, really. No visible emotion. But when you’re absorbed in something like this . . . Well, you’re different.’

Snape looked at him for a moment, and then looked back at his book again, and if Remus hadn’t known better he would have sworn he saw his cheeks turn slightly pink. ‘It’s a hobby,’ said Snape, once again.

Remus shook his head. ‘More like an obsession,’ he corrected. Then he took out his Transfiguration book, some parchment and a quill. ‘May I borrow some ink, Severus?’

* * *

The next couple of weeks passed far too quickly for Remus’s liking. The teachers loaded the pupils down with work, trying to squeeze in as much as possible before the summer holidays, and several of them had scheduled practice exams for the sixth years. Remus’s time away had not helped in the least, of course, and even with all the free study periods he felt as though he couldn’t possibly finish all his homework.

Remus chewed the end of his quill thoughtfully before underlining a passage in his Defence Against the Dark Arts book. It was almost eleven o’clock in the evening, and the common room was deserted apart from himself and Sirius. James was helping Peter with his charms homework up in their dormitory.

‘How are you studying so much?’ Sirius asked. He was sprawled out on a sofa, his schoolbooks forgotten on the floor.

‘Practice NEWTs start in two days,’ Remus uttered without looking at him. ‘How can you not be?’

‘It’s too late for it to really make a difference now, anyway. Better to just relax and not stress out about it,’ said Sirius. He got off the sofa and approached Remus’s chair. ‘Besides, Defence? It’s your best subject, Moony. How about you just take a break? You can finish this later…’ He began to rub Remus’s shoulders. Remus was still angry with Sirius, but he allowed himself to relax for a little bit, lifting his quill from the page.

Then Sirius brought his face close to Remus’s ear and his tongue flicked out to caress his earlobe. This gesture brought Remus back to reality. He was always so powerless around Sirius . . . He flinched away.

‘Get off me, Padfoot!’ he hissed. It came out far more savagely than he’d intended. ‘After what you did, do you really think I want your tongue all over me? Besides, what if someone saw us?’

‘There’s no one here,’ Sirius shrugged, ignoring the first part, ‘but if you’re really worried we could just go to the dormitory instead.’ He smirked. Remus glared at him and shook his head.

‘You are certifiably mental,’ he muttered. ‘I have to study.’

‘Fine!’ Sirius released Remus’s shoulders and returned to the sofa. His voice sounded more angry than usual. Remus ignored him and returned to the book. A few moments later, however, he was once again interrupted.

‘You spend a lot of time with Snivellus lately,’ Sirius spat. ‘Since when are you two so close?’

‘We just study together,’ Remus replied. ‘Since I can’t count on any of you guys. He helps me with Potions.’

‘Bet that’s not the only thing he does,’ Sirius mumbled under his breath. Remus ignored him. ‘So, are you getting all friendly with Mulciber and Avery and the rest of Snivellus’s Death Eater friends as well?’

Remus shut his book with a snap. ‘Now, that’s not fair, Sirius!’ he said, his voice gaining a hint of anger again. ‘First of all, none of them are Death Eaters, not yet at least. Secondly, I would never consider going near any of those other guys and thirdly, Severus doesn’t really hang around with them anymore either!’

‘Severus, is it?’ Sirius growled.

Remus rolled his eyes. ‘Anyway, for your information, we’re not doing any of the things you and I have been doing, so you can stop being such a jealous prat.’ He took a deep breath. ‘It’s not like you have any actual claim on me, anyway,’ he added. ‘You’re just playing games with me, right? Just like you did when you tried to have me kill Severus! So you might as well leave me alone.’

Sirius looked about to retort when the door to the boys’ dormitories opened and James appeared at the top of the stairs.

‘There you are.’ James’s voice sounded tired and a bit empty. He made his way down the stairs towards them. He clutched a letter in his right hand. ‘My dad has fallen ill,’ he informed them and plopped down on the sofa next to Sirius.

The other two just stared for a moment. In the end, Remus asked, ‘Is it serious?’

‘We don’t know yet.’ No trace of sarcasm or good humour coloured the starkly simple phrase. James turned to Sirius. ‘Mum wanted me to make sure you know you’re still welcome this summer. Just, you know . . .’

‘A quiet summer in the country sounds like heaven.’ Sirius smiled with uncharacteristic nervousness. ‘Damn, I hope he’ll be all right . . .’

‘So do I,’ said James, looking away.

Remus suddenly felt like he was intruding. He had met Mr. and Mrs. Potter in Diagon Alley and at Platform Nine and Three-Quarters on several occasions, but he had never been to the Potters’ home, so he didn’t really know James’s parents all that well. Sirius, however, had spent the previous summer and Christmas there, after he ran away from home, and the Potters were his family now, perhaps more so than his own family had ever been.

Remus stood and gathered up his books, before proceeding upstairs to the dormitory. Peter was sitting on his bed, leaning on one of the posts, his knees pulled up under his chin. Remus sat down on his own bed and kicked off his shoes.

‘I hope James’s dad will be all right,’ came Peter’s voice after a moment. Remus looked up at him. Peter smiled a sad smile.

‘Yeah,’ replied Remus. ‘Me too, Pete.’

* * *

The practice exams were painless enough, apart from being very tiresome, and Remus felt pleased with his own performance. They ran over the course of about two weeks. In between exams, he studied with Severus in the library. It turned out that he wouldn’t have had to study especially hard for Defence Against the Dark Arts, however, as the practical fell right on the full moon. It was the last exam they had.

A couple of days after recovering, Remus was on his way to the Gryffindor common room when someone said his name. Severus stood in the open doorway to an empty classroom. His expression was unreadable as ever, but something in his black eyes made Remus uneasy.

‘In here,’ said Severus softly, and Remus followed, a slight frown on his face.

Once inside, Severus closed the door behind them. Remus sat down on a desk, looking up at him expectantly.

‘Why did you miss the Defence practical?’ Severus asked bluntly.

Remus was at first taken aback by the question. Severus hadn’t mentioned his monthly disappearances since that day in the library. Remus had foolishly thought that Severus had forgotten all about it. Remus swallowed. ‘What do you mean?’ he asked slowly.

‘You know what I mean!’ Severus snapped, and Remus recoiled. ‘Where were you?’

‘I was ill again—’

Severus grabbed him by the collar, hauling him to his feet before shoving him up against the wall. ‘Do you think I’m stupid?’ he shouted. ‘Stop lying to me!’

Remus looked away, too ashamed to meet his eyes. And then came that same scent that made his knees buckle. A strange urge came over him to grab Severus by the shoulders and sink his teeth into his exposed, white neck. He barely controlled the impulse.

‘Please, don’t be so close!’ he gasped. ‘Please . . .’

Severus let go and took a couple of steps back, straightening his robes. Remus slid to the floor, trying to take a few deep breaths, but they came ragged and shallow. After a while he managed to finally breathe normally.

‘Are you all right?’ asked Severus sharply. Remus nodded. ‘Good, because I’m not letting this go. I know what you are.’

‘Severus, please don’t do this.’

The other ignored him. ‘I was foolish. I thought maybe I had been wrong. I thought . . . No, I hoped that, just maybe, you weren’t lying to me, and that the next full moon would disprove my theories. But I know when people are lying, and once again you were gone at the full moon.

‘Dumbledore told me not to tell anyone what I saw. He made me promise, which was why I didn’t directly confront you with it. I couldn’t be sure, but now I know. That thing at the end of the tunnel, the one that almost attacked me, that was you! You were the one who almost killed me!’

Remus closed his eyes and felt a tear slide down his cheek. ‘I’m sorry,’ he whispered. He took a deep breath and dared to glance up at Severus’s face. The other boy’s black eyes were full of fury and disappointment, and his gaze left Remus with a feeling of mingled trepidation and self-loathing.

Then Severus blinked and sighed, looking away. ‘You lied to me about something so important . . .’ He turned around and left the room, robes billowing behind him.