Cowboy Summer - 7. Back in the Saddle

It was early, before dawn, and Rhydian lay in his bed, staring at the sky out of his window as it lightened by fractions. He hadn’t slept much, and when he had, he’d slept badly. His dreams had been full of the sound of horses screaming and guns going off unexpectedly. He missed the horse he thought of as ‘his’, and every time he remembered the rodeo the pleasant images of belonging, of Sam putting the Stetson on his head, Jase’s arms around his waist, battled for first place with the shriek of the dying horse and the sobs of the steer roper.

The sky was still indigo when Rhydian decided he could no longer stand to just lie there, awake and miserable, so he got up and dressed in the first clothes he could find. In the bathroom the boy washed his face with a cloth, jammed his new hat on his head, and carried his boots as he descended through the house so as not to wake those who still slept. Out in the chill of the morning so early that it was still practically night time, he grabbed Shura’s head collar from the hook on his stall and practically ran out to the pasture. The horses were darker shapes in the early gloom and mist, and Rhydian ducked under the fence and walked softly across to where Shura stood sleeping on three hooves. The dapple horse snorted softly as his rider approached, then rubbed his face up against Rhydian’s crumpled t-shirt. The boy put his arms around the horse’s neck, and all the tension went out of him as he sobbed.

There was no way he could have told anyone exactly why he was crying. There were too many reasons, and none of them sounded good by themselves. Rhydian cried for the horse that had died, for the man who had been forced to lose his favourite steed. He cried for being so far from home, cried for being alone, for not belonging. Tears fell for how stupid he’d been to try and get Sam to pay attention to him, for Caleb’s angry tone when he’d told him to leave off. He sobbed for the horse which had been beaten, for missing Shura, for the knowledge that in three weeks he was going to have to get on that bus, on that plane and go home. He missed home, and at the same time, he had no idea what he would do when he got back.

They stood for ages together until Shura shifted his weight and snorted again. Rhydian slipped the head collar onto his horse, and together they walked towards the stables. The big dapple quarter horse walked with his velvet nose pressed into Rhydian’s shoulder, and without a word the boy let them both into the stall. He didn’t really think about his actions, everything just came automatically now as he took off the head collar, fetched the curry comb, the hoof pick, the soft brush, the wide tooth mane and tail comb. Rhydian started to groom the horse, his hands working gently over the muscles and short fur, his eyes unfocused, doing nothing but listening to the pace of Shura’s breathing.

“I think you can stop brushing him now Rhyder.”

Rhydian’s hand stilled over Shura’s flank, and the big horse twisted his neck around to touch the boy with his nose. The boy turned. Sam looked too happy, too easy in his clothes and his skin and his white ten gallon hat, and Rhydian wanted to growl at the Texan for disturbing his peace.

“You’ve been out here over two hours. It’s light out. You want breakfast?”

“No time bud.” Rhydian turned to see Caleb coming in from the tack room, holding Shura’s saddle and bridle, “Let’s just all get out there shall we?” The native man handed the saddle over into Rhydian’s hands. “Everything will be better Rhyder, you’ll see.”

Rhydian took the gear and started to tack up. He touched and stroked the horse, and was almost surprised to find that he meet the two cowboys at the main doors. He was getting quicker at tacking up. They mounted up, but Rhydian didn’t really feel anything much. He didn’t watch Caleb and Sam, just steered his horse away from the flash of the rising sun, heading towards the place where the sky was still dark. The sound of hooves told him that his hosts were following his lead. They rode together through the long fields, and Rhyder let his horse pick his own footing, held the reins slack with one hand, and thought about nothing but the movement of the horse underneath him. He moved with Shura, changed his weight automatically as the horse moved. As the light caught up with them, he squeezed Shura into a trot, felt rather than saw the others follow suit, and after they passed the last paddock he heard Caleb’s tongue click, Boy-Latte whinnied, and Shura knew what Rhydian wanted him to do. They cantered smoothly up the slope as the sunlight hit them.

Somewhere along that ride, Rhydian felt the fog clear from his head, the sadness and shite and downright awfulness inside him got left behind in the clear air and as they cleared the top of the low rise Rhydian heard a shout. He was surprised to realise that is was his own. He spurred his horse further, leant over Shura’s neck, fingers wrapped in the dappled horses thick mane and hollered as they galloped down the other side. Clear air and freedom, the love of the horse beneath him, his heartbeat thudding in his chest. They slowed as they reached the trees on the other side and Rhydian slapped the horse’s neck, fell back into the saddle and with a sigh and stared at the sky. He couldn’t tell his pulse from Shura’s, could practically see the stars in the sky even with the sun up. Sam and Ikara pulled up next to him, and Sam’s big Texan smile was infectious. Caleb was smiling too.

“You were right.” Rhydian reached out a hand and Caleb touched his fingers as Boy-Latte walked in a circle around them, “Everything is better on horseback.”

“Feelin’ better then, Rhyder?” Sam took off his hat, ran his fingers through his hair and smiled, “What’s say we ride on over to Bee’s and get breakfast eh?”

Caleb smiled from his boyfriend to their guest.

“Sounds great babe.” Caleb patted his horse, then ruffled Shura’s ears, “Come on Rhyder, I’ll buy you pancakes and bacon. You doing good cowboy.”

Caleb took over the lead as they headed on paths towards the dirt road. Bee’s Diner was the closest place to farm except the feed and supply store and the boys dismounted in the dusty lot out front. There were enough people who rode into Bee’s for there to be hay nets and a full water trough. They tied the horses up to the railing and Sam showed him how to slip the bit from Shura’s mouth so that he would be comfy. Then they hung the hay nets so that the boys could feed and Rhydian followed Caleb and Sam up the wooden steps, kicking their boots against the boards before they stepped through the doorway.

Bee’s was a nice little place, run by a sweet little Southern lady who liked Sam’s Texas drawl and made sweet tea just so he could feel like he was at home. Caleb cuffed Rhydian round the back of the head for not taking off his hat as they shuffled into a little booth, and the teenager found himself in the middle of the leatherette bench seat. They rubbed elbows but didn’t talk much, and Sam ordered everyone’s breakfast without asking what either of his companions wanted. When the steaming plates of pancakes, bacon and maple syrup arrived, they all tucked in hungrily.

“Look-”

“You’re forgiven.” Caleb said quickly.

“A sentence that comes outta nowhere…” Sam said.

“And starts with ‘look’ always ends with ‘I’m sorry’,” Caleb finished, “There nothing to be sorry about. You were upset, its fine.”

“It’s just, I didn’t,” Rhydian paused to eat some more breakfast; it was such a good combination, “I didn’t know I would feel it so strongly. I didn’t even know that horse…”

“And you felt as though it was Shura who was shot in that dusty arena.” Caleb’s voice was so hollow, so exactly like Rhydian had felt that morning, that he stopped eating, loaded fork hanging in the air as he watched Caleb’s voice, the other man speaking words which were the thing he’d felt himself, “A week ago you didn’t know the horse who is standing out there, yet if I asked you to walk a dozen miles to save him you would. And if you asked him to ride to the horizon for a whole day, he would do that too. You have built a connection with that animal. And I saw you missing him, getting irrationally jealous of other men with their horses, all because he wasn’t there.” Caleb smiled softly, and Rhydian saw in his eyes the reflection of his pain, smaller and far away, like he was able to box it up and cope with it, “You love that horse, you felt horrible when the steer roper was shot because you love Shura.” Caleb picked up his fork, “Now eat your breakfast before your pancakes get cold.”

Rhydian smiled, nodded and ate. He felt better.

Sam wiped his plate with his finger and Caleb grabbed his wrist and sucked the leftover syrup and crumbs from the digit. Sam smiled at his boyfriend and watched Rhydian disappear into the bathrooms with half an eye.

“You know, I still think that boy needs a hug.” Sam left a mess of notes on the table, including his standard large tip and jammed his hat back on his head, “You left something out of your little speech there babe.”

Caleb followed him out, and together they stood on the rough, sun bleached steps while they waited for their young companion. Caleb sat and propped his boot up on the step, fiddling with the leather and denim, and stared out at the horizon. Sam was right, the boy needed affection, a good hug would do him well. But not well enough. And Sam was right about the thing he’d missed out. He sighed.

“You mean that he’s probably never loved anything in his whole life? And now everything is riding on his relationship with you, me, and that pretty dapple grey horse?”

“And Jase.” The big Texan smiled and touched Caleb’s shoulder as he came down the steps, looking proud and solid in the morning sunshine. It was going to be a warm day. “He’s got Jase now.”

“I don’t want him getting too near Jase.” Caleb stood up and dusted off his jeans. He tugged at the fringing of Sam’s chaps, “This could end badly.”

“It’s three weeks Cay,” Sam replied, checking over his shoulder, “You worry too much. Hey there bud. Time to saddle up.” Rhydian smiled and shrugged as Sam ruffled his hair and massaged his shoulder’s quickly, “Those roping skills aren’t gonna hone themselves.”

The big Texan stood back and watched his favourite guy in the whole world jump up on his horse like it was nothing, and Rhyder followed suit like he was born to it. Sure, Jase was a player, but the kid was cute, interesting. Even Jase couldn’t get bored in three weeks. Sam had read things about holiday romances, and maybe some affection would do the kid good.

*

Caleb and Rhydian were in the school when Jase’s big white Ford truck pulled up in a swirl of reddish dust, a honk on the horn and a blast of country guitar. The big rough and ready cowboy jumped down from the cab of the pick-up and set his hat on his short hair. He left the truck sitting by the side of the school and wandered up to the wooden rail to watch the pretty, foreign boy ride. Caleb was on foot, pacing the school, moving targets and posts, setting up trotting poles and jumps, changing the shape and obstacles of the school even as Rhyder swept around the outside of the ring in an easy canter and threw ring after ring around the posts as he went. The boy was riding well. Jase folded his forearms on the wooden siding and waited.

He was a pretty little thing, all things considered. That short hair and the excited smile like a puppy. That eagerness to please and impress. And Jase was plenty impressed with the boy, riding like he’d been doing it much longer than a week and a day. The dapple grey suited him, and he knew when Rhyder spotted him there, because he sat straighter in the saddle and his eyes beamed. The pair of them whipped around the school at a very good pace and Rhyder had the horse clear every jump, grabbed the lasso from Caleb as he passed and caught the rope around the fence post he was aiming for at the other side of the school. Eyes still sparkling, he rode up to where Jase was standing and drew the horse to a halt with barely a touch on the reins.

“Mornin’ Rhyder,” Jase touched the brim of his hat when he spoke. Just because the boy looked like a sure thing didn’t mean that Jase was going to put anything less than a full effort into getting him where he wanted, “Ain’t you looking just fine this morning.” He had the pleasure of watching Rhyder blush, fingers in his horse’s mane.

“Hi Jase…” The boy’s voice was small, full of foreign twang and embarrassed inflections. God this was going to be easy. “I like your truck.”

“She’d look a lot better with you in the cab,” Jase hopped up onto the fence, making himself that bit taller, more on a level with the boy on the horse, “You wanna come out for a ride with me?” Jase gave the boy his best slightly lopsided smile.

“I…” And there was the hesitation as Rhyder looked back at Caleb, seeking permission or blessing before he responded. Jase didn’t think he could really blame him, but it riled him not to be the centre of the boy’s attention. “I’d like that.”

Rhyder turned the horse and trotted quickly to where Caleb was standing in the sand. Jase didn’t bother listening to the short exchange, but hopped down from the fence, adjusted the set of his hat and belt buckle and un clipped the first two snaps on his shirt. He was standing leaning on the gate of the school when Rhyder turned back, and the boy lit up with a smile when he saw him standing there. Jase knew what he looked like, so there wasn’t any point in not playing the role.

Rhydian went to turn out the horse and clear up, but Jase was stopped from following him by Caleb’s short cough. He waited.

“I’m not going to tell you what to do.”

“Then don’t,” Jase scuffed his boot in the sand, “He’s old enough to make his own decisions Cay.”

“Jase…” Caleb was looking at him like he was somehow older, more knowledgeable and wiser than his years, “Just don’t break his heart alright?”

Jase sighed and clapped his friend on the shoulder, then gave him a smile.

“You were always too serious Cay. Its fun, let it go.” He turned back towards his truck; Rhyder was heading back in from the paddock empty handed, “Unless you want him sniffing around Sam with his hero worship for the next few weeks.” He waved to Rhyder and the boy was grinning like he the luckiest boy in the world. That was nice, “Hey Rhyder!”

“So where are we going?” The boy fitted under his arm beautifully and Jase hugged him tight for a moment.

“You want to come out to the orchard with me? Looks pretty this time of year.”

“Sure.”

Jase moved his fingers in the back of Rhyder’s short hair. The motion made the boy practically purr. This was going to be fun. He tipped his hat to Caleb and opened the door of the truck for Rhyder like a gentleman. Rhyder smiled like a boy on Christmas. Jase grinned and boosted himself up into the truck.

“You can pick the music pretty boy.”