Direct Confusion - 7. Chapter 7

I doubt anyone has ever been as keen to show to up to detention as I am. Before any students have even got to the library, I grab a cart of unsorted books and head for the stacks. I heard the whispers during literature too, and then again as I dashed into the canteen to grab an apple and sandwich combination. I desperately hope Erin hasn’t heard them yet.

I’m somewhere in the seven-hundreds when I feel a warm hand on my shoulder. I turn to smile at Erin, who already has a tint of pink over his cheeks. He bites his lower lip, and then turned from me to pick up a book off the cart.

“Erie…”

“About this morning,” He interrupts me, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have been so… forward.” He’s blushing in an awfully cute way now, and I still the rest of his apologies with the pad of my thumb against his lower lip.

“Shhh…” I feel half like I might be weirdly in love and half like I’m lying to him as I step closer and breathe in his scent; clean cotton and the hint of the tangy lemon body wash he’s fond of. “Don’t apologise. It was awesome. I just wish I’d gotten to kiss you more.”

“Maybe the school showers aren’t the best of places to get to know each other eh?”

“About that.” I step back. “We have a problem.” Erin’s face pales as I tell him the rumours, and what Chase might have seen. “I mean, you could deny everything, but unless you actively start trying to date girls, people are gonna assume you’re gay, especially if you keep hanging out with me.” And god do I hope he wants to keep hanging out with me.

“Oh…” Erin looks rather lost. “I hadn’t… I mean…” He places both hands on the book cart to steady himself. “It’s not like I planned on staying hidden forever.”

“OK…” I want us to be alone, to be somewhere we could have this conversation over an hour or more, where I can link my arms around him and nuzzle into his shirt and make the whole thing better, even if can’t make it go away. “I think maybe you might need to bring your announcement forwards a little bit.”

He looks straight across at me with a frown.

“If I do this, people are gonna assume we’re together.” He rubs his fingers against his palms. “I mean, I like you but… we don’t know anything about each other.” He gives me a despairing sort of look. “I don’t know if I can do this Luke.”

“You haven’t got much time to figure it out Erie.” I smile, but it’s forced. “I like you too.” I turn back to the books, but half a second later he grabs my hand.

“If I’m gonna get to know you better.” He takes a deep breath. “This has gotta be just us yeah? Cause I don’t wanna date anyone else.”

I cannot help my gleeful grin.

“Neither do I.” I grip his fingers, wishing for the millionth time I could just pull him away somewhere soft and secluded. “Meet you in the locker rooms before practice?”

He grins at me, but it is time for him to pull away while I finish sorting the art reference books. A minute later my phone beeps at me.

This means I’m gonna have to take you on an actual date. E x

*

Study hall at the end of the day, and I find myself dreading what Jameson might say to me, but he slips into his seat, already in his cheer uniform, with a ready smile.

“I got a B on that paper you helped me with.” The boy practically dances in his chair. “You’re the best Luke.” He offers his fist for a little bump, and I manage a small smile. “What’s up? You’re not still mad at me about you being late to class earlier are you?”

“Erie didn’t tell you?” I rub my hands over my face. Despite it not yet being three o’clock, I am exhausted. I have spent the entire day trying to wrap my head around what to do. Derrick sent me a text, and though he’s managed to put a lid on Chase, it won’t last long. Erie’s going to have to come out, probably today, and here is Jameson, grinning away like nothing is wrong. “He’s meeting me before practice starts.”

“You’re telling people?” Jameson arches one perfect eyebrow. I suddenly wonder if he plucks them. Somehow, it wouldn’t surprise me.

“Yeah. We sorta don’t have much choice.” I pick at my cuticles and see Jameson frown at me. I know he wants to say something about the poor state of my nails. “Is that… I mean…” I can’t believe I’m asking permission from my potential sort-of boyfriend’s twin brother. At the same time, there seems to be no one better to talk to about this stuff. Blurting seems to be the best option. “Is it OK if I date your brother?”

Even though Jameson was the one who sort of pushed us together with homework help and the surprise of dinner last Sunday, I wasn’t expecting him to squeal in delight and throw his arms around me from across the table. We are both quickly shushed by the one duty teacher and I cough politely and mutter an apology. A week in detention is bad enough: I’m not keen on extending it.

“Sorry. Sorry.” Jameson sits back in his seat, but he’s still full of excitement. “This is so cool.”

“Thanks?” I glance down at my papers. Somehow my sports reflection diary has ended up in front of me. “You wanna help me out with this?”

“Sure.” Jameson grabs his choreography notebook and comes to sit around my side of the table. “What’s up?”

“I was thinking I might write about the difference in training needs between traditional sports like soccer and athletics based stuff like cheer. You wanna share you workout schedule with me?”

“Oh! Oh! Luke this is great!” He grabs his class planner from his bag. “And maybe we could even train together too.” He grins cheekily. “You know Erie’ll come for that.”

I blush terribly.

“It feels odd to talk to you about stuff like this. I mean, he’s your brother.”

“Yeah.” For a moment Jameson seems serious, but it doesn’t last. “But at the same time, he’s my brother. We talk about everything. Come on you, half an hour of planning for your big sports-jock paper, and later, you can help me deal with the finer points of the Russian revolution.”

If there’s only one thing to say for Jameson, and there are plenty of things to say about him, he is an excellent distraction to keep me from worrying about later.

*

“You think we should just go in?” Erin asks me. He looks nervous, shuffling his feet, but every time he meets my eyes, that beautiful pink blush starts to spread across his cheeks. I have to think of driving white snow to keep from showing my own desire to anyone who happens to walk by.

“Or we can tell coach first. Up to you.”

“Hey boys.” Derrick shows up, carrying his helmet over his shoulder, the green accentuated by the yellow stripes. “You OK?”

“Yeah. Thanks Derrick.” I smile at my oldest friend. “We’re just coming in.”

“Cool.” Derrick gives Erin a little nod. He still hasn’t worked out exactly what is going on. My best friend is bright, but because I didn’t come right out and say it, he’s not gone and made the assumption. All Derrick thinks is going on is I am giving advice to a fellow teammate who’s having possible rumours spread about him. The second Erin’s football captain is through the door he grabs my hand and grips it hard.

“Erie?”

“I think this is better.” He tugs at our joined hands. “Will this work do you think?”

“Sure.” Erin is holding my hand, in a relatively public space. I couldn’t be happier. “If you’re happy, I’m cool.”

Erin takes a deep breath, and I really want to kiss him, to still the worried glimmer in his eyes. He’s not fully ready for this, and I wish I could take back this morning. It was wonderful, amazing, mind blowing, but if I could have delayed this until a time when Erin was ready, I would happily give up the most awesome orgasm I’ve ever had.

We walk into the locker rooms hand in hand. Most of the football and soccer teams are already there in various states of undress. The swim team and Jim have the night off.

“Hey boss!” Chase waves at me from across the room. “Oh…” His face falls as he focuses on our joined hands. It’s like a movie, and the room goes eerily silent. Erin blushes at his feet and then glances at me from under his eyelashes. There is a general shuffling, the obvious scrape of soccer studs on the concrete floor.

“Luke?” Derrick arches an eyebrow at me.

“Yeah.” I reply, even though he hasn’t actually asked a real question.

“Are you boys not done yet?” Coach strides in to the locker room from the direction of the fields. “What’s going… on?” He glances between me and Erin and then back again. “McBride?”

No one seems to want to talk to Erin about why he is holding my hand.

“Yes coach?”

He frowns.

“Carry on. You guys should have been out on the field already. Get a move on.”

“You guys are…?” Porter leaves the question hanging.

I turn to Erin.

“Erie?”

“Yeah. OK.” He’s still not ready, but I can’t say the words for him. I wish Jameson was here. “I’m gay.” He takes a deep breath. “And I’m going out with Luke.” He tugs at my hand again, and his blush is deeper. “I’m gonna go get changed.”

“’Kay.”

Erin walks over to his locker, and I go to mine and start pulling on my training uniform. Derrick leans back against the wall next to me as I wrestle with my sweater.

“So.”

“Yeah?”

“Erin Parker isn’t ready translates to Erin Parker is your boy?”

“Something like that.” I check my friend, but he is grinning. “Are we cool?”

“Dude…” Derrick punched me, and it hurts, but in a good way. “Why wouldn’t it be cool? He’s a great running back, and he’s not scared to show everyone he cares about you. I think he’s a vast improvement on you sneaking around in secret and not telling anyone.”

“Thanks.”

“Makes a lot more sense that Jim called you out for flirting with him too.” Derrick shakes his head. “You’re gonna have to be careful with everything though. The coaches won’t like it.”

“No worries bud.” I lace up my boots quickly. “See you at the cars afterwards yeah?”

“Sure, long as you’re not too busy macking on the new boy.” Derrick turns away from me to shout at his team. “Let’s go boys! Time to hustle up!”

The football players leave and walk around the corner to find the whole of the soccer squad waiting for me. Chase throws me the ball and I head it back towards one of the left fielders.

“You alright boss?”

“I’m grand.” Chase is still looking at me like he’s not sure what to make of the whole situation. Most of the team seem a little nervous. “We got a problem lads?”

“No captain!”

“Good. Warm up number four.” The groans from the assembled teenagers are loud, except for the freshmen, who haven’t finished reading up their schedule notes and haven’t been introduced to warm up number four yet. “Go and leave all of your sweat out there on the pitch!”

I follow the team out and fall into place at the back of the squad as we sprint around the pitch, pushing the lagging freshmen forwards with little barking reminders of my presence. After that we ran two laps at a steady jog, and then a series of star jumps and push ups until everyone, myself included, is dripping and shaking. The cold air helps somewhat, but when coach has us stop in order to set up for tackling practice, we all shiver suddenly. I take the time to look over to where the football team are running plays. It’s harder to spot Erin with his pads and helmet on, but I know when he sees me, because he waves. Derrick will rib him for it later, because being distracted during play isn’t something we let any of our team mates get away with.

As the freshmen start on their footwork, coach jogs up to me.

“That little stunt in the locker rooms.”

“Not a stunt sir.” I reply really quickly. I already don’t like where this conversation might be heading. When I came out, the team were the driving force behind the support for me. The coaches are cool with it, but I get the general feeling most of the faculty members do not like to be reminded of it. I think most of the school breathed a sigh of relief when my junior prom date turned out to be from another school, and it didn’t all work out anyway.

“You should have come to see me. It could have been handled better.”

“Coach. Nothing happened. It’s not like its news. Now we have a gay kid on the football team as well as the soccer team. No biggie.”

“Except that you’re together.” The coach looks suddenly deadly serious and the darkening of his expression shows his age. Sometimes it’s easy to forget the cool teachers are all old enough to be our parents. “It changes everything.”

“Does it?”

“I don’t want any funny business going on in my changing rooms McBride.”

I snort. I know for a fact the coach caught Derrick feeling up Cherrie before the summer break and all he did was give them condoms and tell them to be safe. I don’t want to have to put up with this. On the other hand, its Erin’s first day being out to his school. By tomorrow morning, word will have spread and everyone will know. This may not be the best time to cause a ruckus. I just nod. It’s not an easy settlement, and I hate to leave things as they are. As I jog back to the squad, all I can think is that in the long run, hopefully, this one small incident won’t matter.