Direct Confusion - 28. Chapter 28

Erin shows up at my door looking tired and rumpled with his hair mussed. I’m still practically asleep.

“Babe?”

“Bed.”

“Huh?”

Erin wraps his hand around my bicep and pulls me back into my room, shutting the door behind us and steering me back towards the unmade heap of my double bed. The quilt is somewhere on the floor, and it’s way too hot to sleep with blankets.

“Bed. We have like another three hours before we have to be up.” Erin pulls me down onto the mattress while shucking out of his jeans and I instantly snuggle into his side. “Your mom said I couldn’t stay over on school night until after graduation. She didn’t say anything about school mornings.”

For about four minutes, we both let ourselves sink into the comfort of the mattress, listening to each other’s heartbeats. I almost always sleep better with Erin by my side. But now that’s I’m awake, it’s hard not to think about the fact Erin is here, mostly naked and tempting in my bed. When I reach for him, it’s obvious he’s been dreaming of similar things.

“So you didn’t drive over with quite so pure intentions as all that?”

“I’m a guy; I’m horny in the mornings.” Erin pulls me up into his lap. “Do you blame me? You’re gonna be running around the field today in those damn shiny shorts, and all I’m gonna be able to think about is your ass.”

I smile, grinding my hips against his automatically. There are so few things better than being naked and sweating in some sort of compromising position with my boyfriend, and Erin takes my smile and eager kiss as permission to continue with his seduction.

He eases my boxers down over my hips and I discard them the rest of the way until I am sitting over his crotch, legs gripping his hips on either side. I can feel his pulse through where his erection touches the soft skin of my perineum. It is still the morning, and everything is slow and soft as Luke slides his fingers into my hair, which is now just long enough to do that with, and pulls me down for another kiss. I explore his mouth with my tongue, pushing into him as he is delving into me, questing fingers easing into my entrance, laying the way open for his cock. Erin often prefers not to do the fucking in the early morning, so it’s a pleasant and welcome surprise when the head of his cock pushes against me.

“I’m gonna be walking funny all day.”

“I know.” Erin grins salaciously. “Best make sure we don’t let you get too much rest, eh?”

He slides into me in one long push and I grit my teeth just for a moment before adjusting to the pleasure of it all.

“And what’s my reward if I win?”

“You know how my bathroom has that really enormous shower?”

“Mmm…”

“We got the place all to ourselves tonight babe.”

I grin as Erin thrusts into me, holding my hips and smiling. There are few things better than getting fucked by my boyfriend, but one of them is the promise of getting to screw him under the shower. It’s a good morning.

We doze for another few hours and then Erin insists on an actual proper breakfast, abandons the bed to have a shower and gets dressed before vanishing out of the side gate. When I hear him start the car and rev the engine before “parking”, I realise I will actually have to get up and get dressed to enjoy his company again.

I meet him in the main house and sit on one of the bar stools, watching my boyfriend move around the kitchen. He might be an excellent running-back, and I know he wants to be a sports-physiotherapist one day, but there is nothing quite like watching Erin cook. He makes every gesture graceful: difficult things look easy and easy things look beautiful. I lean on my elbows and follow him around the room with my eyes, specifically watching his butt as he wiggles his hips.

“It’s really tempting when you do that y‘know.”

“I know.” Erin flashes a grin at me over his shoulder. “That’s why I do it.” A pan begins to sizzle as he lays bacon strips into it.

“How much food are you making?”

“Your parents will be down any minute.” Erin shrugs. “They will have heard the car, and your dad has a sixth sense for bacon.”

As he passes me en route to the fridge, I grab my boyfriend around the waist and pull him into my lap. Erin makes a protesting yelp, but I hang on and nuzzle into the soft hairs at the back of his neck.

“I look forwards to the day when I won’t have to share your cooking.”

“Are you kidding? I’ll have people round for dinner all the time.”

“Just not for breakfast.” I squeeze him tight, running my fingers up under his t-shirt and across the muscles of his abdomen, kissing the nape of his neck where his skin becomes smooth and tanned. “One day I won’t have to share you at all.”

And that is how my parents find us, with the bacon crisping gently in the pan while I do my very best to make Erin blush pink. It is a task which I still find fun, easy and rewarding. Once persuaded to let Erin go, he makes us pancakes in two batches, half with bacon and maple syrup, and half with apple and blueberry, and we have a generally normal breakfast. Mom thanks Erin for his contribution to our much improved diet and touches his hair as she pecks his cheek. She frowns at me, and I know she has felt the lingering dampness from Erin’s shower. I help to wash up and she raises an eyebrow at me. She’s not sure about what has happened, but I know I’ll be in for another talking to later. I know what she’ll say, that we’ll have the whole summer together as much as we like after graduation, but to me, the summer isn’t enough. We’ll both have jobs and then college will start in September, and all that promise of time will be gone. I want to make the most of everything while I still can.

We take separate cars to school, because Jameson will want to steal the pick-up later and I want to have the Dodge with its laid back seats and rumbling engine for tonight. I touch the flat topped army cap on the dash as I slide into my brother’s car and smile. I like to think he would be proud of me, because through six months of hard work and ruthless training, my team have made it all the way to the High School State Championships.

I park and head over to the abandoned baseball diamond. The team looks apprehensive and excited, kit bags at their feet, a combination of dead tired and fully hyped. Today is possibly the biggest day in all of our lives, and even for the guys not relying on athletics to take them to college, or for their careers, it’s still a big deal to come this far. To come this far and not make it will suck, but not to give it our all would be worse.

“Hey boys!”

“Boss!” Chase’s nickname for me has caught on, and now all of the second string and most of the first string use it too. “You made it!”

I go to clip Mitch around the ear, but he’s too quick, and ducks out of reach. Mitch has really come out of his shell over the last year, and though he’s still technically second string, he’ll be bumped up from that next season. He’s too good to keep in reserve.

“Cheek!”

Erin shrugs and slides his arm around my waist. There is a chorus of wolf whistles.

“Let them be babe.” He whispers in my ear. “They’re just jealous.”

“Oi! Oi!” Potenski jogs around the corner of the bleachers. “Bus is here guys. And I got four dozen donuts!” There is a general cheering from the assembled team. Ever since Potenski’s older sister got the part time assistant manager position at the local Donut Stack, they have sponsored almost all of our away games with tasty sweet treats. The cheerleaders, Jameson included, might abhor the idea of both carbs and sugar, but we need the boost. Plus they’re tasty and awesome.

“I gotta go.” I smile ruefully at my boyfriend. “You wanna just ditch this and run away with me?”

Erin laughs and Bruno grabs me, hauling me away from the man I love. Erin squeezes my hand, and then pushes me towards my team.

“Go. I’ll see you in a few hours.”

“C’mon Luke!” Jameson has arrived, along with the rest of the cheer squad, flinging his arms around my neck. “My brother’ll cope without your gorgeous self for a few hours.”

Mitch rolls his eyes at Heather.

“How is it that he’s not gay?”

“I dunno.” Heather grins in a downright lewd manner, eyeing up her boyfriend. “But he ain’t!”

Erin and Derrick wave us off, and I get one last goodbye kiss just before the door shuts on us and threatens to mangle my fingers. I know it’s pathetic, but having to drive away from him, even if he’ll be there for the game in a few hours, makes me briefly miserable. But there’s nothing like sugar, my teammates and Jameson to fix that.

Even as we muck around in the bus, Coach sitting up front with the driver and largely ignoring us, I think about the day to come. We have a welcome meeting at the host school, a tour during which none of us will pay the slightest bit of attention, lunch, open practice, an hour or so of recuperation time and then warm up before the game starts. Even though it’ll be early afternoon, it’s the State Championships, and a lot of guys from our school are bussing over later to support us, as well as half the staff, the whole of the football team, and my boyfriend. I run through plays and strategies in my head for the whole drive.

Just as we are nearing our destination, Coach waves me forwards.

“I was wrong about you McBride.”

“Thanks sir.”

“All the way to State, I’ll be damned.” He smiles ruefully. “I never thought you’d manage it. You know there’ll be a lot of scouts out there today. You after any one in particular?”

I shake my head. I have to go to college, and I have to get a scholarship to go, but there is one school above all others that I want to be at. The dream of waking up every day with Erin and having him all to myself is so alluring, that thinking about it too closely makes my heart hurt. If we have to do long distance we will, but it’s going to punch an Erin-shaped hole right through the middle of my life. I don’t tell coach, but I’ve already gotten into a couple of schools, including the one I really want, on academic merit. Today all I have to do is impress someone enough to decide they want me more than they want my tuition fees.

The rest of the morning goes as expected. The host school aren’t unfriendly, and neither are we, but the team and the cheerleaders keep largely to ourselves, a little mass of yellow and green in a sea of blue and silver. We get our own practice field outside of the stadium and away from the crowds, but there are a few people watching us.

“Hey look.” Bruno jogs up to me and passes me the ball with a little sideways kick. “College scouts.”

I glance in the direction of his chin-jerk, and there are a few men on the side lines with clipboards and visitor passes, looking official and full of concentration. From here, I can’t make out any college insignias or team logos, and for the rest of practice, I try not to worry about who will be watching us play.

We take ten minutes to watch the end of the cheerleaders practice session, and I allow the team a bit of lazing and lounging around as the girl’s twists and spin in the air, pulling stunts that could break most of the bones they own. Jameson does cool gymnastic tricks on the grass and catches Heather as she flips from the top of a big pyramid. Sometimes I wonder if the cheerleaders work harder than we do out on the field.

Then it’s all a hyped up rush, even though we have plenty of time before the game. Our hosts have given us our own section of the locker rooms, and the team horses around in the showers before starting to pull on our shiny ‘away’ uniforms. Unlike the home ones, these have yellow shorts and a green top with yellow trim and side panels. I know Erin is a big fan of the shiny yellow shorts, almost more than he is of my speedos. Jameson brushes his palm over my name branded across my shoulders as he passes.

“Nervous?”

“Y-yeah…” I exhale for what seems like ages. “It’s a big game for these guys. Important day.”

“Luke?” I turn to look at my friend and smile. Being best friends with my boyfriend’s twin has ceased being weird, and Jameson hasn’t teased me about hitting on him in the showers in forever. “It’s a big day for you too. Just breathe. You got this.”

“Thanks Jame.” I glance at the changing room clock, the game will start soon, Coach will be in here with one of his awful pep talks, and the buses from our school will be arriving. Somewhere in the stands Derrick will shout and holler, along with the football team, Cherrie will cheer. My parents took the afternoon off work, mom promised to wear school colours, and she’ll be waving and telling everyone in the stands how proud she is of her son. And Erin… Erin will be there somewhere, and it makes me so proud that I get to do this thing I love in front of him. It kills me that I don’t get a good luck kiss first.

“You realise he’ll think the world revolves around you even if you don’t win, right?” Jameson knocks my shoulder. “Look, Luke… I don’t wanna do this…”

“Jame?” My friend looks nervous. “What’s up?”

“Erin gave me something to give to you.” He speaks really quickly, starting to blush. When Erin blushes it’s cute and sexy, when Jameson blushes his whole face goes kind of red and it makes me want to giggle. “Just, don’t read too much into this OK?”

“Huh?”

Jameson smiles quickly, then grabs me by the back of the neck, yanks me forwards and kisses me. I’m so shocked that I simply stand there with my brain firing signals into empty space, and after what feels like Jameson counting to five, he steps back and wipes his mouth.

“I might love my brother, but I swear I am never doing that again.” Various gasps and wolf whistles erupt around us. “Erie says good luck.”

“Oh…” I touch my lips to find that I am grinning. My boyfriend sent me good luck kisses after all. Jameson isn’t Erin, but the warm feeling seeping from my head to crotch is awesome and sweet just the same. “Thanks Jame.”

“Now in order to justify the fact I just kissed my brother’s boyfriend, can you please go out there and win this thing?” Jameson rolls his eyes. “I gotta go find Heather. You so don’t taste as good as a girl.”

I watch him go with a grin. Blow Erin being proud of me if we don’t win. I’m winning this thing.

Coach comes in and gives his speech, we run out onto the field to cheers and shouts and the music of the band. Someone calls my name really loudly and I glance up at the stands to find Derrick, Erin, Cherrie and, to my shock and surprise, Jim, yelling like idiots from the front row. I’m all smiles for them, but I can’t concentrate on that now. I shake hands with the other team captain. He’s also a striker, so we’ll be seeing a lot of each other during the match. In the huddle of my team, I tell them all how good they are; remind them how far we’ve come. I think of the little playing card by brother had drawn, and I tell them all how proud I am, in my senior year, to be the captain of such an amazing team. Every word is true.

The whistle blows, play begins, and my world becomes a blur of speed and power. Nothing matters apart from the game.

*

“Hey.”

I stop and turn to the man in the pressed blue denim shirt and khaki trousers, letting my team jog on ahead of me towards the changing rooms. The cheerleaders are with them, everyone dancing, jumping, and cheering like mad. My heart is still going a thousand miles an hour.

“Hello.” I force myself to give the man a real smile, because the grin plastered all over my face is half fixed from breathing so hard and half rigorous joy. “Luke McBride.”

He shakes my hand firmly.

“Dave Beck. Associate head coach-”

“From Rutgers…” I finish for him, half panting. “I know. It’s very nice to meet you sir.”

“That was one hell of a game, son.”

“I’m lucky.” I chuckle, trying to calm my racing heartbeat. “I get to captain a damn good team.”

“They’re a great group of guys. I can see that.” Mr Beck coughs softly. “Look, I’ll get straight to the point Luke. I read your application letter, you’re a bright star, and we’d love to have you come and play for us.”

“Really?” I can barely believe my luck. Here I am in the little passageway leading to the changing rooms, being offered the one thing I need to make my life complete.

“Here,” Dave Beck hands me a card. “You and your parents give me a call next week, and we’ll work out the particulars. You’ve got talent in you lad; your boys would do anything for you. That really was some game.”

“Thank you, sir.” I press the card to my chest as he smiles and turns away. Behind him, Erin is running towards me, and I know Derrick and Cherrie won’t be far behind. “Babe!”

Erin’s hug is enough to send me staggering backwards, his arms flung around my neck as he kisses me. It’s full-on and overwhelming and all the blood drains out of the rest of my body and straight down to my crotch. He tastes like green apples, he always does. As we break apart, both of us panting hard suddenly, I see Derrick leaning against the wall, Cherrie under his arm looking deeply happy, and Dave Beck with his arms folded, rolling his eyes. For a second I panic that the offer in my hand will be rescinded before remembering that not only am I slightly famous around here for being an openly gay soccer player, but I also mentioned a lot about equal rights and tackling homophobia in sports in my application letter. Dave Beck simply smiles.

“Make the most of it while you can, son. You’ll miss him when you’re off with us at Rutgers.”

Erin gapes at me.

“You got in?”

“Yes.”

“YES!” Erin makes the most of his extra height to pick me up and spin me around in a dizzying fashion. “YES!”

“What? What?” Jameson and some of the other guys have come back to fetch us, Potenski and Bruno hanging off each other’s shoulders and looking flushed and stupidly happy.

“We’re going to college together!” Erin’s joy vibrates through his words. “We’re going to Rutgers!”

I laugh, sudden joy bubbling over, only partially distracting me from the rampant horniness Erin has awakened in my crotch. I get to go to college with my boyfriend, Jameson will be just down the road at Mason-Gross School for the Arts developing his choreography skills, and I have no doubt that we’ll get sick of campus and all end up living together almost instantly. I get to do what I love, and I get to be with the man I adore.

Most high school relationships don’t last, but my friends all say I won the lottery. I wrap Erin up in my arms, half thinking about what we’re going to do tonight, partly about how the future might look, and partly distracted by the over abundant adrenaline of winning the State Championships. There is a big, bright vision of the future, and regardless of the odds stacked against us, there is no confusion now. I know what I want and I intend to love this man for as long as humanly possible, and if I can, a little bit longer.