Walking Through Darkness - 1. Trying to be Me

Hello. I hope you find the feedback you wan here.

I'm no poet, nor have I any clue regarding poetry, and I'm supposed to "not" be brutally honest which puts me in quite a predicament ....Alas, I gotta be honest. It touched me deep down, hitting a nerve or two.

I liked how you put words together reasoning in a nice way that people have to accept you the way you are. Good job. However, it was too neat, too grammatical, too much in the right order that, well, looked like a short prose to me.

Still keep on writing.

I'm not a poetry critic, so I can't really say much about any poem as far as is it a good one or not, but I liked this one, because it's expressing true feelings and it makes sense. I would keep on with poems, and read other poems, so you can get more comfortable with the process. Poems, I think, are a way to say something that adds some emotion to the subject. Using words in unusual ways, so the reader has a unique picture of the situation. If you keep doing it you'll get very good at it, and your poems will become recognizable as yours. I think you should do more, especially if you enjoyed doing this one.

Your message was clear as daylight, I can relate. Personally I like my poems messy, flighty, with turns and breaks, and words dancing around so I have to think 'Huh?' but that is just me. I am not a poet. I don't follow my own rules either.

On 06/11/2014 01:18 AM, nostic said:

Hello. I hope you find the feedback you wan here.

I'm no poet, nor have I any clue regarding poetry, and I'm supposed to "not" be brutally honest which puts me in quite a predicament ....Alas, I gotta be honest. It touched me deep down, hitting a nerve or two.

I liked how you put words together reasoning in a nice way that people have to accept you the way you are. Good job. However, it was too neat, too grammatical, too much in the right order that, well, looked like a short prose to me.

Still keep on writing.

I'm glad that you were touched by it , in a good way of course...

I have never been told that I was too neat or too grammatical is that good or bad ?? I hope that some of my other poems are received well BC they are pretty dark maybe somewhat intense.

Thank you for taking the time to read and to comment I really appreciate it

On 06/11/2014 02:01 AM, C J said:

I'm not a poetry critic, so I can't really say much about any poem as far as is it a good one or not, but I liked this one, because it's expressing true feelings and it makes sense. I would keep on with poems, and read other poems, so you can get more comfortable with the process. Poems, I think, are a way to say something that adds some emotion to the subject. Using words in unusual ways, so the reader has a unique picture of the situation. If you keep doing it you'll get very good at it, and your poems will become recognizable as yours. I think you should do more, especially if you enjoyed doing this one.

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment I do appreciate all feedback..

Some of the next few poems are going to be somewhat dark and intense I hope you will continue reading and let me know what you think

On 06/11/2014 02:12 AM, aditus said:

Your message was clear as daylight, I can relate. Personally I like my poems messy, flighty, with turns and breaks, and words dancing around so I have to think 'Huh?' but that is just me. I am not a poet. I don't follow my own rules either.

I appreciate all feedback

Yours is the first poem I´ve read here I liked it but also found it very sad. World can be a very tough and cruel place filled with ignorant people. Wish no-one had to deal with all that.

On 06/11/2014 03:42 AM, Suvitar said:

Yours is the first poem I´ve read here I liked it but also found it very sad. World can be a very tough and cruel place filled with ignorant people. Wish no-one had to deal with all that.

Only in a perfect world would everyone get along THATS the world I would love to live in but that is just a fantasy that is never going to exist.

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment.

Wow, Angel. That was some poem. I think you should copy it and labor and delivery room nurses should hand it out to every new parent out there. Or better yet, put them in mailboxes across the world.

If these stupid people (such as the idiotic people in Texas who are reinstating those asinine "gay camps" - can you even be more ignorant than they are??), actually read this poem and really thought about it, they may think differently about their ridiculous ideas.

I thought it was terrific and very honest.

Angel, I hope that one day you won't be broken anymore and your new name will be 1HAPPYANGEL.

On 06/11/2014 07:07 AM, Lisa said:

Wow, Angel. That was some poem. I think you should copy it and labor and delivery room nurses should hand it out to every new parent out there. Or better yet, put them in mailboxes across the world.

 

If these stupid people (such as the idiotic people in Texas who are reinstating those asinine "gay camps" - can you even be more ignorant than they are??), actually read this poem and really thought about it, they may think differently about their ridiculous ideas.

 

I thought it was terrific and very honest.

 

Angel, I hope that one day you won't be broken anymore and your new name will be 1HAPPYANGEL.

but it takes baby steps hopefully more people will open their hearts and minds and accept that which was never meant to be changed and allow people to be who they are without bashing them and making them feel worthless

Thank you I REALLY appreciate you taking the time to read and comment....

You write with a directness and immediacy which is good and impressive. it's a raw, honest. impassioned statement, saying something that can't be said enough. You write from the heart, it seems, and that's the most important thing. More power to you.

On 06/12/2014 04:28 AM, carringtonrj said:

You write with a directness and immediacy which is good and impressive. it's a raw, honest. impassioned statement, saying something that can't be said enough. You write from the heart, it seems, and that's the most important thing. More power to you.

Everything I write is very much from the heart mainly how I'm feeling at the moment.

Thank you for your comment

Sorry I'm slow, but I do try and get to everyone who reads my stuff.
I loved the beginning. I love free verse myself, I write mostly in the way, but if I'm honest, you lost me in the middle after the first 9 lines. Which were brilliant.
I just found the remainder very hard to read in its current form.
But I do want to read more of your work.
tim