Barely Existing - 12. Chapter 12

The dark of night gave way to the light of day and the sky was streaked with shades of pink and orange. Gavin pulled his door closed behind him and closed his eyes, relishing the fresh scent of morning. A light breeze rustled through the trees and the sweet call of a whippoorwill followed. Tall blades of grass heavy with dew clung to his feet as he followed the familiar path to his morning spot.

Leaves rustled loudly and he paused at the opening of the small clearing. My bear, he thought just as a squirrel ran from the underbrush and launched into a tree. When did it become my bear? He wondered and tilted his head back as he watched the squirrel scamper up the old oak until it was hidden from his view.

He stared down at his feet, now covered in mulched leaves and dirt, more disappointed than he would like to admit. He ran a hand over the back of his chair and studied the woods around him. The place that had brought him peace and tranquility had transformed into a physical reminder of how lonely he was.

He rubbed the empty, aching spot in his chest and sipped his coffee. “Ahh. Hot! Hot!” He glared down at the mug in his hand, his tongue tingling and his throat burning.

“Fuck.” He hissed as the pang in his chest sharpened. The icy claws of loneliness spread like a wildfire, burning and freezing him all at once. “It’s getting worse.” He panted, waiting for it to pass. Eventually, it always passed. The pain faded and his breaths slowed. His knees wobbled weakly and he clenched the chair tightly. His legs steady again, he cast a longing look around the clearing before walking into the woods. His feet carried him deeper and deeper into the unfamiliar forest, no destination in mind.

The dense woods thinned and an unknown yard came into view. He gazed curiously around and spotted a shirtless Tate. Tate? I’m at Tate’s house?

Unable to resist the magnetic pull, he moved closer. He started to speak, to greet Tate, but fell silent when Tate’s hands dropped to the waist band of his shorts. What is he doing? The loose shorts slid over Tate’s hips and fell to a puddle around his ankles. Run! A quiet voice inside of him demanded and Gavin shook his head. Why would I run?

Gavin watched in confusion and a tiny bit of fear as Tate’s image blurred and within seconds an unusually large black bear stood in his place. Gavin’s heart raced as his mind tried to process what he had just witnessed. Time slowed and Gavin stared at the forest floor, as if it held all the answers. He glanced back up at the large bear rubbing against a tree. But that’s my bear…

Gavin shifted his weight and a twig snapped. The sound echoed like the blast of a shotgun. He jumped at the noise and looked at the broken stick under his foot. What the heck? I didn’t feel that. Nothing made sense and he was quickly sinking into a pit of confusion. The why’s and what’s crashed over him like an unforgiving tidal wave.

He checked the bottom of his feet and studied the ground. The forest floor was covered in pebbles and other debris, and the ground was bumpy and rough. He rocked flat on his feet, from heel to toe. I can’t feel any of this. He heard soft chuffing before humid air caressed his bared chest and stomach. The unexpected sounds and feelings yanked him out of his own head and he jerked his head up.

His eyes widened in surprise when his gaze met curious green eyes set in a black and tan face. “Ahhh!” He jerked back, arms wind milling. His feet tangled together and he lost his balance. His butt hit the ground with a thud and pain shot up his spine. Unable to stop, he propelled backwards until his head fell into a pile of decomposing leaves.

“Oww.” He groaned and dusted off the debris that had flown into his face when he fell. “Blach.” He spat out the dirt that had made its way into his mouth. “Ick.”

“Hrrmmph.” He felt a short puff of warm breath blow across his face and a tongue swipe over his forehead.

“Acck! Stop that!” Gavin swatted at the bear above him before freezing. “Oh shit.” I just hit a bear. His eyes flew open with the realization and found the bear looming over him. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. Panic set in and he scrambled away, in a clumsy crabwalk. “I can’t believe I hit a bear. A bear! Fuck!”

The bear sat on its haunches, its head tilted as it watched Gavin scuttle away. “Mmrf.” The bear grunted and swatted a paw in front of its face.

Gavin tilted his head and studied the bear. He raised his eyebrows and decided the bear looked…amused. No. Bears don’t laugh. Do they? “Are you laughing at me?” He asked incredulously.

“Mmrf.” The bear snorted again.

Gavin flopped onto the ground. He leaned forward and studied the somehow familiar, sparkling eyes. “You are laughing at me!” He accused. The bear snorted and bobbed its head. It grinned at him, showing off a muzzle full of large, sharp teeth.

Gavin shuddered. “Yeah, please don’t do that.” He stilled. Man and bear studied each other, only a few feet separating them. Gavin settled on the ground and braced his elbows on his knees, holding his chin in his hand. He knew those eyes. He had only ever met one person with eyes so green. The truth was right in front of him. Literally, he snorted. He had witnessed it with his own eyes. No. People don’t just turn into animals. But what if they did? He saw it himself. He took a deep breath and steeled himself.

“Tate?” His voice quivered. “Are you a-a, um, bear?” Gavin’s stutter peeked through and he hated the nervous tell. The bear crept towards Gavin, wiggling and crawling, its belly close to the forest floor. It stretched forward until its nose almost touched Gavin’s chest and snorted.

“Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.” Play dead. The small voice inside Gavin demanded, sounding almost hysterical. He battled the urge to laugh and the instinct to run away. Overwhelmed, his head swam. Tate’s a bear. He dropped his head down and squeezed his eyes closed. His thoughts were loud and jumbled. Run away! That same small, hysterical voice demanded. Part of him wanted to, but the other part…the other remembered the man he had spent so much time with him. He looked up at Tate and opened his mouth, to say what he did not know, but the earth rolled and shook under him, stopping him.

What the hell? He stood and dusted off of his pants. The ground rolled violently under him and he stumbled before falling to his hands and knees. The earth trembled and shook tossing him around. Fear settled into the pit of his stomach and he met Tate’s frantic gaze.

“What’s happening?” He yelled over the thunderous rumbling of the earth. An angry roar was his answer. Gavin watched Tate struggle onto his own four legs, fighting an invisible force holding him back. He’s trying to get to me, protect me, Gavin realized. It filled him with awe. No one, other than his sister and Crys, wanted to protect him from anything. Gavin struggled to his feet, determined to get to his bear. He stumbled forward, the ground rolling under him. He stretched his hand out to Tate and the bear’s image blurred and before fading completely. His fingers swiped through empty air.

He searched frantically for Tate. His chest tightened and his breath quickened. “Tate?” The gentle morning breeze grew stronger and noise ceased. “Tate!” His scream was silent to even his own ears. “Tate, don’t leave me! Please!” He sucked in a deep breath and tried again. His lips moved, but not even a whisper could be heard. His soul mourned for its mate and Gavin could not question what he felt, he simply accepted it as fact.

The light dimmed and shadows consumed everything around him. He wrapped his arms around his knees. “Oh God. Tate, please don’t leave me.” He begged. Terror became a physical being and every childhood fear of abandonment swamped him. His senses were stripped from him, one by one. His eyes burned with unshed tears. His throat constricted and he sucked in air, trying to breathe.

He pressed his forehead to his knees. “What am I supposed to do?” He whispered to himself. Darkness had surrounded him. He could hear nothing, see nothing, and feel nothing. He could find no way to escape the void he was trapped in. He hugged himself tighter and shivered. The ground rolled and shifted below him violently, tossing him around. He fell forwards and lowered himself flat on the ground waiting for it all to stop. Please, please, please make it stop!

Then, as if the fates heard his plea and laughed, the ground dropped from under him. He plummeted downwards in a dark abyss; his scream was swallowed by consuming silence. Wind rushed over him, so powerful it stung his skin and burned his eyes. The fall seemed endless and he feared it was; almost as much as he feared what waited for him if he stopped. He clenched his eyes shut and tried to brace for what was next.

And then it stopped. Just like that, everything just stopped. The wind no longer blew. The ground was still and so was he. He opened his eyes in slow blinks. Black filled his vision, but the sun’s warmth soaked into his bones. His breath stuttered out of his chest. The sun, he realized. He could see the color black. He blinked again and ran his fingers through the black fur below him, in awe. Moving slowly, he gazed around. The shadows had receded and sunlight poured through a green canopy. He sobbed in relief and rubbed against the soft, coarse pelt.

The body under him rumbled in pleasure and Gavin looked up, never happier to see familiar green eyes looking back at him. “Tate?” He whispered, unable to hide all the hope disguised in that one word. The bear chuffed and gave a jerky nod. “Tate.” He breathed in relief, full of joy.

He inhaled Tate’s clean woodsy scent and everything was…right. He smiled and snuggled into Tate. His muscles relaxed and he melted against the large body. Eyes closed, he listened to Tate’s heartbeat and the occasional contented rumble. As simple as that, the panic and fear that gripped him so tightly became nothing more than a distant memory. It no longer mattered that Tate could shift into an animal. He knew, somehow, neither would hurt him. As if Tate could hear him, the large black bear nuzzled the top of his head, blowing softly. Gavin’s smile grew and he hugged Tate again, content just to cuddle. This feels…right. Tate purred under him and the forest’s sounds filtered in. The rustling and barking of squirrels mingled with birds twittering above them. The air was warm and the breeze was cool. Time lost meaning and nothing mattered but the here and now.

Gavin stroked a hand down Tate’s side. “You scare me some.” He confessed. When he felt the large body under him tense, he rushed on. “Not like that. I’m not afraid of you. Well, I kind of was, but I’m not now,” he said reassuringly. “It’s not that you shift that scares me so much, I mean it did but it doesn’t anymore. It’s what you make me feel. A strange vehicle pulls into my driveway one day and then I’m knocked on my ass by a stream of emotions, some I’ve never felt before. How could I feel possessive over a man I just met?”

Gavin chuckled. “And God, you were such an ass that night. “ His mirth faded and he looked into Tate’s eyes. “You knew then though didn’t you? You knew that somehow, in some way we were meant to be?” Gavin continued, not expecting a response. “I mean, I find out that somehow you can turn into an animal and it doesn’t scare me, when I know it should. There’s just…” He paused, thinking of a way to describe the way he felt. “There’s something between us, something more than attraction, deeper, and I don’t understand exactly what that is either. It’s like when I’m with you, I feel whole again. All my missing pieces are finally connected and I don’t have to worry about it or be alone.” Gavin tilted his head back to meet the soft green gaze.

“Am I crazy? I’ve never felt anything this intense. That’s what scares me. I know we haven’t known each other long, but I can’t imagine you not being a part of my life. I can’t fight it anymore, and honestly, I don’t think I want to.” Not after losing you, losing everything and thinking I’d never get either back again.

Gavin searched Tate’s face, looking for some sort of reassurance or a clue to what Tate was thinking. The bear gently snorted and purred under him in response. It pressed its nose to Gavin’s forehead, the gesture somehow comforting, and huffed.

Gavin laid his head back on the bear’s chest. He nuzzled the warm body under him, relishing in Tate’s scent. He squeezed Tate tightly to him and the bear chuffed softly in response, ruffling his hair. He opened his eyes again and blinked.

“Why is it so bright?” He grumbled. He stretched his fingers, running them through thick black fur only the fur had been replaced with smooth cotton. He pushed himself up and stared down at the grey sheets under him in confusion.

“What the-?” He closed his eyes and opened them again. The grey remained but Tate was gone. A dream. Another dream. Gavin groaned and collapsed face down on the bed. The dreams were almost nightly. They always involved Tate shifting into a bear and he always woke up alone. Tears clouded his eyes and he buried his face in his pillow.

Thank you for reading! Any and all feedback is very much appreciated. I did a lot of tweaking after Valkyrie edited, so I apologize for my rough spots. 
I know, it's only just a dream but don't grab the torches and pitch forks yet! There's a method (kind of) to my madness.