Lion's Lair - 7. Somethin's Got To Give, Part Deux

“God gave you two ears and one mouth—so take the hint!”

A teacher in middle school once quoted that in class, and it stuck with me. Mom world quote it occasionally as well, prefacing it with, "Clayton, pay attention...."

Using that philosophy has served me well--it really helps me get to know people without me asking a lot of questions. The old line of "Everyone wants to tell their story, all they need is someone to listen" fits.

So when I was at the crawfish boil that Joe and Rex had on Sunday, I learned a lot without being nosey or voyueristic.

I was talking with Jennay and her girlfriend Dixie. They're out-of-their-minds excited since their adoption of a Honduran infant has been approved. The baby is going to have to have surgery to correct a cleft palate, but they should be able to get their child within the next month or so.

Rex is in the process of finalizing the closing of their house, so they'll have a great spot for the new little girl. The infant is six months old, and they're breathless that this is happening so quickly--they were showing everyone pictures on their phone, and she is a cutie.

It's really great to see the formation of a new family, and I'm hopeful that someone in the group will at least sponsor a baby shower for them. I'll talk with Barry about the bar hosting the event. God knows it's expensive to get set up for a new baby.

But, Jennay and Dixie also reported some off-putting information. They were at the bar last Sunday afternoon when a rough group of bikers came in. They weren't your usual bankers, attorneys, and doctors riding big Hogs – – this was a rough-looking group of street thugs, tatted up with ugly ink, filthy clothes, loudly obnoxious and obscene.

Bryant, the regular Sunday afternoon bartender, served them cheerfully and they only stayed for a couple of beers, but their presence was enough to make both women pay attention and incite comments from all the bar's patrons.

Dave, Barry's lover, was standing nearby and overheard the conversation. "Yeah, Bryant reported it to Barry. We're going to be on the watch for these guys again. I don't know that they'll become regulars--Barry didn't seem too concerned about that--but at the same time we want everyone to be comfortable. Barry will take care of 'em if they come in again."

Unfortunately, Barry wasn't there for the boil. Dave filled us in on his rough night; after he came home from the bar Saturday night, he started throwing up. Apparently a bug of some kind, or maybe bad food. "I told Barry not to worry, that I'd eat his share of crawfish." He must have been pretty sick since Barry loves shellfish.

Chuck Edmondson, a local sheriff's deputy, was there with his boyfriend, Larry, a heating and cooling serviceman. Chuck has a lot going on in his life. His divorce was finalized last week, and, with shy smiles, it came out that he and his boyfriend had sex for the first time. They took a lot of good-natured ribbing for that but explained they both made the decision to hold off on sex until Chuck was technically a single man. They'd been seeing each other for the last six months, so I'm sure it was a challenge for them to hold off on the physical activities.

They were cute--acting just like newlyweds. Neither one could take their eyes or hands off each other, constantly touching, arm around the other's shoulders, holding hands enough I'm surprised they were able to peel their crawfish later.

It's going to be interesting to see how the group responds when they learn that Ryan and I have not had sex either. I'm sure there’ll be even more good-hearted harassment.

I was talking with Rex as he stirred the boiling crawfish pot while Ryan was inside their house, and commented about the new ramps they built. Rex just looked at me and nodded. "You and Ryan are going to be over here a lot – I know that already. I'm really looking forward to getting to know both of you better. You're both good guys, and make a great couple, so the future's going to be fun."

I laughingly asked, "So you can see the future? And just exactly how does that work?"

Rex looked me squarely in the eyes and, totally seriously, replied, "It's just a gift. A tingly feeling I've learned to recognize. No, I'm not nuts, although it sounds crazy. We'll talk more later, but trust me, y'all are going to be together, and y'all are going to be over here regularly. Count on it." And then he smiled a ...what, "benevolent" I guess is the best word, smile.

I'm dumbstruck. How do you respond to something like that?

"Look, I know it sounds insane but I also know instinctively that I can trust you knowing this. Clayton, it's something you need to to be aware of as you move forward with Ryan. And, if you'll give me some time this week I'll explain it all to you over lunch or drinks one day. I'm really not insane. Just consider this as part of the trust that goes in to making our friendship more solid, OK?" Rex looks and waits patiently for my response.

I returned a smile and nod. This is going to be interesting. But, Rex always shows himself to be a solid guy both in his dealings with me as well as with others. I need to approach this with a fair and open mind.

"Fair enough. I'm looking forward to this. And if it makes our friendship even better, that's great, too." Rex nods agreement just as a herd of kids come racing down the ramp from the back porch, with Ryan and Joe a dozen feet behind 'em.

"Better get a move on, Rex, the animals sound hungry," Rex mutters to himself as he announces to everyone that the crawfish are ready after asking the kids if they'd washed their hands, and getting Joe to help drain the pot before spreading the crawfish on the newspaper-covered tabletops.

As offbeat as Rex's "ESP confession" was, I was even more perturbed by comments Larry made while we were eating.

Larry had gone to the grocery to get ready for dinner later that night with Chuck. While he was there, he ran into Ben. "It's been almost a month since I've seen Ben, and I was shocked. The man looks like absolute shit. He's probably lost 15 pounds, he looks like he hasn't slept in days. Looks like he'd been in a barroom brawl, with a black eye, and bruises all over his hands and arms. Even had a few bruises on his jawline. I don't know what's up with the guy."

"What'd he say when you asked him about it?" Chuck beat me to the punch with his question.

"That's the thing that was funny about it all. I swear to God he was trying to dodge me. I just happened to see him and yelled out across the checkout clerks before he could get out. He had his head down, and was damn near jogging toward the door."

Larry took a chug of beer before starting to peel the next crawfish and continue his story. "After I'd yelled, he came over and said hello, said he had a bunch of frozen food, and had to get home quickly. Really didn't offer an explanation for any of it."

Another chug of beer and another crawfish attacked. "Told him I hoped we'd see him at the bar soon and he just nodded yes and then headed out. Really didn't say more than a few words. Strange. He's normally damn friendly."

Something's wrong. I'll call him tomorrow.

One other bit of interesting information I picked up was that Ryan has a meeting with his doctor in New Orleans on Wednesday, which I already knew about, but will also apparently be meeting with the prosthetic supplier to start the initial stages of getting fitted with his legs.

I happened to walk up just as he almost completed a sentence while talking with Joe, "... and then Wednesday the fit of the legs is...." There's a moment of awkward silence, then Joe asked how things were at the Cadillac dealership.

I wonder what he's up to. There's got to be a reason why he didn't tell me about it.

Another thing I'll find out.

The afternoon wasn't just listening to idle chatter, and getting insights into others lives. If anything, I got to see a more public side of Ryan.

He's get the energy and friendliness of a puppy. He'd go up, and say hello to everyone, trading friendly greetings and hugs with those he knew. For those he hadn't met yet, he'd roll his wheelchair up to them, stick out his hand, and introduce himself. Within 5 minutes, even with the new people, you'd have thought they were old friends.

And, even though I know at times he's self-conscious about being in the wheelchair, the man shows no fear in his dealings publicly with others. And his warmth washes out the image many people seem to have of a guy in a wheelchair--he's just a great guy. Period. The wheelchair disappears into the background quickly.

Despite--or maybe because of--his insecurities, I've found him to be remarkably direct and open when with me. He speaks his mind pretty freely with me. I like to think that's because of the trust we've built, plus he knows I do care deeply for him. Am I a therapist to him? No; just a trusted confidant.

Yes, I know he's had a couple of times around me when his insecurities about his legs came through; I'm certain there's a little more of that when he's alone. But overall he seems to manage remarkably well, if nothing else by strength of his will.

To tell the truth, he's gotten to me. My days are interspersed with day dreams of him and the mundane things of life. My nights are filled with fantasies of the luxurious intimacy of our sleeping together, far beyond just images of sex. And his glance, his touch incite lust like I haven't felt in years. His appeal crosses all the lines: physical, intellectual, emotional.

We've never used the "L word", but I believe he feels it every bit as strongly as I. Perhaps it's time.

Be real...you're crazy about the guy. Maybe Rex's premonition about a future for Ryan and me is right.

Maybe dinner Wednesday night. We can do a movie, pasta, and clear the air. Besides, its time I let him into my private space of home--the lair I control and use to rebuild myself at the deepest levels.

I may even tell him my deepest secret--if I'm strong enough.

It's time to move to the next level or give up. Yes, he's gotten to me that deeply.

All I know is something's got to give.