Freshman Year - 4. Comatose

Wesley And Seamus

By: Wesley Lewis

Chapter 4: Comatose

WES’ POV

“Why is it so dark? Even better, where am I?” I stared at the abyss that I suddenly woke up in. “Hello?” “Is anybody here?”

Nothing, absolutely nothing but an echo and darkness. As I look around I can see a small light off in the distance and begin to walk towards it. Slowly, it begins to get brighter and as I close in I can see a small figure of a girl. The girl seems familiar but I can’t place her. I get closer and see a beautiful face with the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen. That’s when it hit me I’ve seen family albums with her picture, it was mother. She couldn’t have been any older than ten. I went out to touch her but I couldn’t, it was like she or maybe even I was a ghost.

As I was about to leave I heard a faint voice. The voice was gargled and sounded slurred.

“Helen”, the voice called out, “come give mommy some love”, Mommy? Mama had always told me that her mother Angela, died during childbirth. As I stood there, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. It appeared as if my grandmother was a little drunk. She began to undress but mama hadn’t moved, it was like she was frozen in fear.

“Helen, I’m not going to ask you again come here and give mommy some love now” her voice was like a sharp, shrill bark that cut the darkness like a hot knife through butter.

“Mama please I don’t want to do it again, please mama I’ll be good, please mama” I could hear the pain in her voice and the fear. It was exactly how I felt when my mother punished me.

“Helen I’ve had it with you so I guess it’s time for punishment. When I get back you better be in your bedroom ready for your punishment.” With that she walked away.

I followed mama as she made the climb up the stairs and into her room. She began stripping while the whole time tears fell from her eyes. When she was finished, she laid on her bed and it was then that I noticed she had scars all over her breasts and legs. There were a few scars near her pubic area as well.

I heard a door slam and watched as my grandmother walked towards mama with a razor blade and rope. She started to tie down my mother, who had by now knew it would do no good to fight it. As grandmother finished tying her down she bent down and slowly kissed my mother. She continued to kiss my mother down her body and began molesting her. When she had finished bring her to a climax my grandmother tightened the ropes more.

“You should have listened to me before Helen, mommy never wants to hurt you but you just can’t see the pain it's causing me to punish you. I wish you were a good little girl who loved her mommy as much as she loved you. So now you know what happens we have to get the demons out of you.” She started to slide the razor blade slowly across mama’s breast and almost immediately she went to the next. When she as finished there, she began to cut small incisions in her legs. After she was done she went and returned with a first aid kit and tended to mama’s wounds.

“I’m sorry for being bad mommy please don’t cut me again” My mother cried “I promise I’ll be good next time mommy I love you”.

“You say that every time Helen and yet you still disobey me, if your father was in town I would have had him discipline you.”

As my mother began to crying the scene in front of me vanished and once again I was standing alone in the dark.

I woke up to here a steady beeping. I looked around to see I was in a hospital room. At first I thought I had woken up until I saw a teenaged version of my mother in the bed. She had bandages covering her wrists. She looked like she was asleep. I noticed that this room was different than regular rooms I had seen in the hospital. I looked down and saw the record for her and it said she was on suicide watch. That couldn’t be right though, my mother wouldn’t try to kill herself, would she?

Both mama and I were startled as we heard a deep voice outside the door screaming “I DEMAND TO SEE MY DAUGHTER NOW!!!” the voice was different but I had immediately recognized as my grandfather. He rushed into the room and took mama's hand in his apologizing over and over for leaving her with grandmother. “Baby, please you got to wake up daddy is here now I’ll protect you. Please, baby girl I’m not leaving you anymore.” I had never seen my grandfather so vulnerable, to me he had always been a strong unwavering man. To be completely honest, I was afraid of the man most of my life.

“Daddy is it you? Please don’t let mommy hurt me again, I’ll be good I promise” my mother was hysterical begging Papa not to leave her alone again. I could only stand there heartbroken seeing my mother so scared and weak.

I stood and listened to my grandfather explain how she ended up in the hospital. He said that it appeared as if grandmother went driving while drunk and crashed her car into a tree. The impact had killed her instantly. When the police came to the residence they noticed the door open and went inside and found mama on the floor with both wrists slit open.

“Daddy I didn’t do it mama did. She told me I deserved to die.” My mother had by now broken down and was crying again as papa held her in his arms weeping with her. As I went to reach out and try to touch them I was ripped away from the hospital.

Soon I looking at a college dorm room. As I looked around I recognized it from pictures as my mother’s dorm room. She had told me it was at this college students where her and daddy had met. I never knew why my mother went to school to be a minister. My father told me he went because that what his father did and his father before him. I didn’t recognize the roommate my mother was speaking with. It’s weird her roommate was a woman I had always called aunt Jolene. This woman was not her. She was taller than mom. She had long blond hair, she was flat-chested. The way she looked at my mom was weird. What was even weirder was how my mother looked at her. She looked at her with a look my mother hadn’t given my father for years. It was like electricity between these two women. As I stood there looking at these women the only thought on my mind was why does my mother hate me if she was at the very least bisexual?

As I stood there my mother began to kiss the woman. “Colleen I’m ready tonight I want to be all yours.” My mother said that to this woman. As my confusion got bigger the last thing I remember seeing is them stripping each other.

The next thing I know, I’m right back in the dorm room but my mother is nowhere in sight. Coleen however is. And she wasn’t alone. She was with another woman. All of a sudden my mother came into the room and the look on her face was that of pure heart break. I finally understood why mama hated me. Actually it wasn’t that she hated me but she hated what I was.

As that scene slowly disappeared, flashes of my mother and father meeting happened, their graduation, engagement and wedding, even my own birth. I watched as my mother and father raised me and continued to watch until I saw darkness once more.

When my eyes opened, I could see the familiar surroundings of my room. I don’t know how but I’m back home again. As I began to look around I saw myself in bed asleep and quickly realized my visions weren’t over. I heard my parents talking I walk towards their room and decided to walk in the room figuring they couldn’t see me.

“Helen, we need to talk it’s really important.” My dad began to look a little unsure of how to continue when it hit me this was the night prior to the attack

“Jason what is so important it can’t wait until the morning?” my mother had a harshness in her voice “is it about the divorce again because if so I don’t want to hear about it.”

Divorce? My parents were planning on getting divorced and they didn’t tell me. I couldn’t believe it my heart was torn. On one hand, I think they would be better off getting the divorce but on the other hand I would be worried about me. Where would I live? Would I need a new school? These questions were on my mind when my father broke the silence.

“No, it’s not about the divorce it’s about Wesley”

My mother scoffed saying “Wesley what could this be about when I checked his room and he was asleep with a smile on his face”

“Helen there’s a reason he was smiling and I’m not sure if you can handle that reason”

“Don’t patronize me Jason whatever it is tell me already, I’m not some basket case who can’t handle their own child.”

Dad sighed before telling my mother about the scene he had walked in on. I had to credit my mother she looked as if she was taking the news so well. I just can’t figure out what happened between that conversation and the next morning.

Suddenly, the scene around me changed and it was daylight. My parents were both getting ready to go to the church. My mother always left a little later than my dad. I watched as she went into the office and began praying asking the lord to forgive her for what she was about to do, that she was sorry but she couldn’t let my heart get broken like hers was, and what she was about to do was to protect me. She sat there praying for minutes before she left the room. I watched as she walked to my room and took a deep breath before entering. It was then that I knew what she was going do. I stood in horror watching the scene play out for a second time. When my mother left the house, she called to tell my father that I wasn’t feeling well and asked him to check up on me latter in the day.

Soon I was standing in the dark again. I was all alone no more visions. I thought to myself that my mother thought what she was doing was for my own benefit. It really got tom me I couldn’t figure it out but I saw how conflicted she looked before entering my room. If I hadn’t saw what I saw I would still hate my mother. But then did I hate her or was I more disappointed in the way she handled it. I promised myself that if, no, when I woke up and got out of the hospital my mother and I would need to talk with her. I’m not sure how my father would take this news, I didn’t even know if he was aware what my mother went through.

I walking alone in the darkness when I heard a voice quietly calling out to me. I recognized Seamus’ voice immediately. He was asking me to wake up the he needed me and he loved me. He loved me? We have only known each other for a few days and he loves me. When I think about it him pouring his heart out to me made me want to be with him even more. I ran towards the voice as it got clearer and clearer. I could hear him telling daddy that he felt me squeeze his hand. My father was happily saying he felt the squeeze as well. I got closer and closer. I suddenly opened my eyes and looked up. Daddy and Seamus were both looking down at me with a smile.

“Hi handsome”, my emerald-eyed angel said, “it’s about time you woke up”.