A Hell of a Mess - 1. Chapter 1

With his bike slung over his shoulder, Theliel ran up the stairs leading to the high-rise where Cupid Central had their offices. With an extra skip in his step, he grinned broadly when he saw Horace holding the door wide open for him.

The security man looked at the clock hanging on the wall behind the reception desk. “Theo! My, you’re early.”

“Sablo has a mission, and he woke me early to say goodbye.” Theo suspected his grin bordered on grotesque by now, as he remembered his lover’s creative methods to make sure he would miss him the second he left.

“Oh, is it a long-term mission?”

“No, he’ll be back tomorrow night,” Theo threw back over his shoulder while he went over to the bank of elevators at the end of the hall.

When he saw a woman holding the doors of one of the elevators open for him, he hurried so as not to make her wait too long. On closer examination, she looked a lot like Whoopi Goldberg in her role as the Enterprise D’s famous bartender, minus the colorful contraption on her head. I’ve never seen her before, he thought. Quickly juggling his bike around so it didn’t take too much space, he smiled. “Good morning.” Before he could fish out his key card, she swiped hers in front of the reader.

“Cupid Central?”

“Yup.”

The doors closed and a golden arrow flashed, indicating they were travelling up. Glancing at his wrist, he saw the time bar was fully green. Not a sliver of red was showing.

The moment he stepped into CC’s foyer on the 12^th floor, he took measured strides, and for the first time, he didn’t have difficulties with Ayil’s rule of proper conduct. Theliel grinned at Rahmiel, who sat behind the reception desk, while pushing his bike over to the storage space. “Whatcha do this time?” Everyone knew the boss sometimes loved to put his Cupids behind the reception desk for disciplinary reasons.

“I clomped into Ayil’s office forgetting I was still wearing my worker boots.”

“Uh-oh. How many months?”

“Two weeks.”

“Two weeks? He must have been in an exceptionally good mood.”

“Hmpf. Would have been even better if he’d overlooked the whole thing entirely.”

A well-aimed kick to the lower right corner of his locker had the door springing open. Someone should fix this shit already. Theliel took off his gloves and helmet, slipped out of his Birkenstocks, and threw everything inside. Remembering another part of dress regulations at the last moment, he undid his braid and ran a brush through the long, dark strands. Then he grabbed his bow, slammed the door shut, and left at a leisurely pace. Outside, he ran into an abandoned nestling. He looked up and down the hallway. She must have escaped her current keeper. Caring for the smallest Cupids was another ‘task’ Ayil loved to dole out to discipline his unruly angels.

“Hi, Theo. You wanna eat a cookie?”

He looked at the battered A.I. cookie she pushed against his knee. “Thank you, sweetie!” With a broad smile, he stuffed the whole messy thing into his mouth without batting an eye at the lint sticking to it. “Delicious! Whom did you escape today?” he asked with a full mouth.

“Naya'il.” She giggled before she turned and ran away.

Still untypically early, Theo pushed the silver double doors at the end of the hallway open, expecting a scowling Ayil, only to find the office deserted. That had never happened before. “Boss?” Nothing. “Commander? Ayil?”

At that moment, the man in question came strolling into the room from the other side, munching on a pastry. “Theliel!” Quickly he pushed a couple of tablets aside to set his coffee mug on the very counter where he gave out the daily orders. Then he smiled. Smiled!

“Today we’re going to do things a little different. Come on, come on.”

Theo stepped in front of the counter. “Okaa-y—”

“I found this little bakery—”

“In London?”

“What?”Ayil asked, irritated. “No, in Bonn, where I go every morning for proper coffee. They make the most delicious vanilla pudding Krapfen. And their coffee cakes—”

“Coffee cakes?” Theliel tried to keep an interested expression on his face, forcing himself not to roll his eyes.

“Exactly. Threepiece.”

The man still didn’t make sense. “Threepiece? A suit?” By now, Theliel felt stupid for constantly repeating Ayil’s words, but he couldn’t help it. What the he... was he talking about?

“The name of the bakery. Ben, Marcus, and Alida. Threepiece. Get it?”

Theliel found himself nodding along with his boss’ explanation, trying to hide the fact that no—he didn’t get it. Not in the slightest.

Ayil must have noticed Theo’s confusion, because he actually elaborated. “Today, for the first time, I saw all three up front. Usually there’s only Ben, sometimes Marcus, or Alida.”

“Uh-huh.” Theliel slowly became impatient, having to listen to Ayil’s untypical long-windedness.

“When Alida went behind the counter to bring a pan with bread, their auras began to glow, and the overlapping areas vibrated.”

“Three auras?”

Ayil raised a dark red eyebrow. “As far as I know, you always carry an unaccounted arrow in the rare case three auras match?”

“Uh-” Theo squirmed under his Commander’s scrutinizing gaze.

“Did you seriously think I wouldn’t know? I never said anything, because I trust you. I know you are one of the few Cupids who are able to assess such a difficult situation without making a mess.” Ayil passed him a quiver with three red arrows and a mission pad. “Am I wrong?”

“Um...No.”

“You’ve not only been a full angel for several years now, but you’re a very talented Cupid too. I decided to entrust you with more challenging missions in the future.” Ayil narrowed his eyes at him before he pointed at the pad in Theliel’s hand. “I’ve already deemed them red arrow worthy, but protocol says a full angel has to confirm the findings onsite.” He smiled. “And fire the arrows.”

Full angel meant the research had to be even more thorough. Humans hit with red arrows fell deeply in love, as in ‘love-of-their-life’ love. If something went wrong, if he didn’t run his tests properly, they would suffer greatly. Some never recovered.

Still reeling from the rare praise, Theliel had difficulties concentrating on the data Ayil had filed for him:

Marcus, fifty-three years old, baker, co-owner of ‘Threepiece,’ a successful bakery and café, award winning pastry chef, who never could stomach the cut-throat work atmosphere of a high end restaurant kitchen.

Usually scouts would provide a long list of numbers, documenting test results they had acquired. As Ayil had just found the trio, it meant Theliel had to obtain the required data himself.

Alida, thirty-two, bread baker, co-owner of ‘Threepiece’.

Ben, twenty-three, business major with a love for everything coffee, and co-owner of ‘Threepiece’.

“Got it.” And as he always did, Theliel saluted smartly with two fingers touching his head, grabbed one of the red test kits from the counter, and left the room.

Outside, he ‘ported directly into the bakery. There he found everything as Ayil had described it. The test results were perfect and would withstand any inspection from the powers that be, he was certain, so he pulled the arrows one after the other out of the quiver and did what he loved--making sure people had a chance at true love.

***

Next morning in the elevator, Theliel thought he heard some beat thumping in the background. When he stepped into Cupid Central, loud music overwhelmed him. His first gaze went to Rahmiel, who stared back at him wide-eyed.

“Are you crazy, Rah? Ayil will have your balls!”

The other Cupid immediately raised both hands. “That’s not me! I hate Macklemore!”

“Then who has a death wish?”

“Ayil!”

“Ayil?”

“When I came in this morning, it was already on. It comes from his office. No one dares to ask for their assignments. They are waiting for you to look into what’s going on.”

“For me?”

“Yeah, since he’s all the time Theliel this and Theliel that. You’re his favorite Cupid.”

“His favorite Cupid to reprimand, that’s me.” Theo hurried to store his bike and get into his work attire. After, he stormed over to Ayil’s office, still not entirely believing Rahmiel had told the truth. Only after he had pushed through the gathered Cupids in front the silver double doors, he realized Rahmiel hadn’t exaggerated.

Inhaling deeply, Theo opened the doors, and immediately the booming beats of And We Danced assaulted his ears. But after he saw his boss in ripped jeans, instead of the usual slacks, and an open glittering shirt, dancing wildly, while throwing his arms in the air and loudly singing the lyrics, he froze in the door. Then Ayil noticed him.

“Theliel! Come on in! I have an interesting mission for you today. You’ll visit a club full of hot and hairy bikers! Isn’t that great?”

“Err....”

After successfully finishing the biker mission, Theliel couldn’t wait for Sablo to come home. Maybe he had an idea about what was going on at CC.

“He did what?” And a few moments later, “He sent you where? Next time I’m coming with you!”

Theo raised his eyebrows. “And do what, protect the bikers from the evil Cupid?”

“Um….”

“That’s what I thought.”

In the end, they decided to wait one more day. Maybe Cupids could suffer from a midlife crisis? Or the Powers would intervene.

Next morning Theo knew nothing had changed as soon he stepped out of the elevator and saw Rahmiel nodding along with OutKast’s So Fresh So Clean. In his office, Ayil skipped along to the music wearing short Lederhosen and a white tight t-shirt. His flaming red hair was hanging down to his waistband, and not tamed in the usual braid. When Theo saw him mouthing something about the coolest motherfucker on the planet, he knew something had to give.

In the evening, Sablo suggested he and his brother Diego stop by to investigate the situation. Both had been police officers in their human lives. Maybe they could find out what was happening at CC.

If nothing had changed the next day, Theliel would call them. Sablo suggested Diego bring his partner, the Angel of Death, as Azrael had been around a lot longer than any of them.

When Ayil greeted him with do-do-do-do, singing an old Suzanne Vega song, Theo instantly called his partner. By now, all the Cupids were bewildered about their boss’ behavior, and no one went on missions.

Theo waited for his trio of helpers with Rahmiel at the reception desk.

Sablo immediately took command. “I suggest we discreetly investigate the premises.”

“What are we looking for? Maybe a drug?” Rahmiel asked.

“Drugs shouldn’t affect him,” Azrael interjected.

“Then what?”

“I don’t know. Something is out of order, I can feel that.”

“You mean even more out of order than Ayil’s behavior?” Theo looked at the Angel of Death, who shrugged.

After an hour they hadn’t found anything, even though Azrael insisted there had to be something. They had just met in the break room to discuss their findings, when a sharp ‘pop’ sounded, and the Commander of the Guardian Angels, looking extremely angry, asked, “Can anyone explain to me why two of my best Guardians aren’t on the missions I assigned to them, but are drinking coffee with Cupids?” The last word he spat out with utter disgust.

Sablo inhaled to do just that, when a kilt wearing Ayil moonwalked in, and took a sharp turn, proving he was wearing the garment according to the customary rules, and flashed them while dancing and singing I’m sexy and I know it.

“Wha-Wha—Was—” Ariel stared after his fellow Commander with an open mouth.

They quickly explained the situation to him. Still shell-shocked from Ayil flashing his junk, he immediately agreed to help.

Their search ended in the storage room, since it was the last place they hadn’t checked out. Suddenly Sablo shouted, “What is this?” He pointed at a black arrow nestled between the blues in a quiver standing next to a storage box.

“Don’t touch it barehanded,” Azrael warned.

Sablo pulled his sleeve over his hand so he could grab the black arrow, without having to touch it.

“That explains a lot. This is a black arrow from Hell.” The Angel of Death took it from Sablo and broke it in two. The arrow disintegrated at once.

“I’ve never heard of arrows from Hell. What do they do?” Diego asked.

“They’re usually issued to imps who’re sent out to disrupt the work of Cupids. The imp will sneak the arrow into a quiver where it will slowly contaminate the other arrows. They’ll misfire or have unfortunate side effects. Worst of all, if a Cupid grabs and fires the black arrow by mistake, any human hit will be cursed to never find love. Just touching a black arrow will also be bad for a Cupid.”

Theliel shuddered. “Ayil always collects the red arrows for missions. Do you think he could have touched this one by accident? Could that be the reason for his strange behavior?”

“No, this arrow was freshly placed, by the feel of it. But its presence means there are imps at Cupid Central, and one of those could have aimed its mischief at Commander Ayil. We need to check out his rooms upstairs.”

“And warn all Cupids to look carefully at their quivers,” Theo added.

“I can do that,” Rahmiel offered, glad to have an excuse to get away from Azrael. When Theo gave him a thumbs-up, he hurried out of the storage room.

“Now that I know the origin of the unease I’ve been feeling, I can help you recognize imp traces.” Azrael held out a hand to Diego, who stepped closer and let the Angel of Death touch his forehead with two fingers. He felt a small tingle. Everyone else did the same, even though they were leery of touching the Angel of Death. Then they made their way upstairs to Ayil’s office.

For once there was no crowd of anxious Cupids hovering around. Theo knocked on the silver doors and opened them. The music playing was muted compared to earlier; Queen’s Somebody to Love drifted out from the inner office. Theo motioned for the others to start searching the room, while he and Azrael moved towards the connecting doors.

Looking inside, they saw a brooding Cupid Commander sitting by his desk, all dressed in black. When Theo knocked softly on the door frame, Ayil slowly turned towards them. His black lipstick and eyeliner was in sharp contrast to his red hair, and Theo shook his head in disbelief as he saw the black nail varnish on the hand in which Ayil rested his chin. His boss had gone goth! Something definitely needed to be done.

“Commander Ayil, we are here to warn you of a possible imp infestation,” Azrael began. Before he could say anything else, there was a yell of excitement from next door, and a streak of red shot past them and dived under Ayil’s desk.

Commander Ariel rushed into the room, shouldering both of them aside. He leapt over to the desk, and snatched a cursing imp. Pulling the small, red devil out, he held him by the scruff of his neck and shook him. “You impudent little trickster! I’m gonna flay you.”

A blue angel appeared in the air behind Ariel, yelling, “Let go of him!” while kicking the Guardian in the back. When he turned round in surprise, the small irate entity got right in his face. “Don’t you dare hurt my teammate!”

The imp immediately wriggled out of Ariel’s grasp and jumped up on Ayil’s desk, where he was joined by the blue angel. Theo made a choked noise as he saw their auras mesh. Shit, this was the A.I. pair Ayil had ordered him to shoot with silver arrows five years ago.

“Well fuck me, if it ain’t the hunky lover boy with the mushy tattoo. I ‘eard ye got taken for a ride. Angel ‘ere felt all sorry for yer, but I near died laughin’ when ye fell off yer bike inta them thorns. Right, Angie?”

“Don’t call me that!” The blue angel tried to smack the imp, but he dodged and leered cheekily at his scowling partner. “I loved the kitten idea. Did you get one?”

Ayil stood up and walked around the desk to stand next to Ariel. The two black-clad men towered menacingly over the A.I. team, but they just giggled.

The red-skinned imp waved his forked tail at the Cupid Commander. “Y’all should count yourself lucky my Angel partner has such a soft heart, or I’d ‘ave done somethin’ much worse than havin’ ye dance to our tunes.”

“You looked adorable,” the blue angel cooed, silver wings all aflutter. “So happy and free, and I think the kilt made a lasting impression.”

Theo didn’t dare look at Sablo or both of them might have joined in the insane giggle party. He could see the back of Ariel’s neck turn red, but Ayil didn’t react. Maybe he had no memory of his imp-induced actions?

“The two of you should really consider wearing something else other than black. Such a boring and depressing color, and you are both very handsome men.”

“Smoking hot when ye’re all stern ‘n ready to get out the whip ‘n chain. I like a bit of bondage meself,” the imp chortled.

Smack! This time the blue hand caught the backside of the imp square and fair, and he almost fell off the desk.

“Ow, what the fuck, Angie!”

“Don’t call me that! Now behave yourself, and lift the curse from the poor Cupid.”

“Poor Cupid, my ass. He’s the one who…yeah, yeah, awright.” The imp cringed a bit under the stern look of his partner. He reached out and plucked a small black bead from Ayil’s hair, and the commander immediately staggered backwards. He would probably have collapsed on the floor, but Ariel reacted with Guardian speed and caught him with an arm around his waist and a firm grip on his right hand.

“That’ll teach yer not ta mess with imps. We’re even now.”

“Good luck, boys. All of you.”

Imp waved his tail and Angel blew them a kiss, and before anyone could react, they disappeared.

***

A few weeks later, Theliel swiped his key card over the reader in the elevator, but the car didn’t stop at CC. Instead, the doors opened at a floor he’d never been on. Tentatively, he stepped out and was confronted with the woman he’d met before the Ayil incident, sitting behind a reception desk, smiling at him. “Theliel.”

“I’m sorry; the elevator didn’t stop at CC.”

“Yes, I know. Please come in and sit down.” She pointed at a chair, opposite her own.

“Where am I?”

She raised a perfectly plucked black eyebrow.

“Oh.”

“Exactly. I called you here to ask you a question. Did you notice certain matching auras, lately?” Her gaze bored into him as if she could see directly into his innermost self.

Theliel instantly had a picture of Ayil standing beside Ariel in his office after they’d caught the imp, their auras gravitating to each other. Ayil’s bright red mixing with Ariel’s calm blue had resulted in a very nice purple with silvery swirls. Still, these two hated each other. “Er...Yes, I did, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to--”

“THEY gave me permission to tell you a story.”

“They?”

She shot him a look that said puhlease...and there was the eyebrow again.

“THEY!”

She rolled her eyes. “Did you notice anything special about Ariel?”

“You mean other than him hating Cupids?”

Before she could do the eyebrow thing again, he hurried to say, “He always wears black—and gloves. And he’s always in a bad mood.”

“Did you ever see him without his gloves?”

“No, not ever.”

“When Azrael made him a Guardian, Ariel asked for the wounds on his hands not to be healed the usual way.”

“Oh. Why? If I may ask.”

“Everyone assumes Ariel died in combat. Actually, he died from injuries he received when he tried to rescue his wife and son from a fire.”

“Oh my—”Theo slapped his hand over his mouth. “Did they survive?”

“They died in each other’s arms. When Azrael began to heal him, Ariel insisted he keep the scars on his hands, to always remember the pain of the wounds, and his loss.”

“That’s kinda grisly.”

“Claudia was the love of his life. Ayil delivered the red arrows.”

“Shit! Does Ariel know it was Ayil?”

“No.”

“That’s good. Why does Ariel hide the scars?”

“Over the years, he noticed people were appalled by the sight. They kept staring at his hands and didn’t listen to what he said. Now he wears gloves in the office, but never at home.”

“And why does he hate Cupids?”

“You made it possible for them to fall this deeply in love. Your arrows were the reason he suffered this much.”

“But he wouldn’t have had such a perfect time with her either. Doesn’t he see that?”

“Not yet. I can see why THEY said you were the ideal Cupid to shoot them.”

“But they hate each other!”

“Hate is much too strong a word. THEY think it’s time for Ariel to let the dead go and welcome a new love.”

“If Ayil and Ariel have the slightest idea of this, I will never get them in the same room.”

“Don’t worry because THEY have mandatory team building activities scheduled. There was some tension between CC and GC, due to the Diego and Azrael matter. It’s a logical reason for the commanders to meet up, and they each have to bring an aide to take notes. That’ll be you and Diego. I’m sure you can come up with an excuse to bring your partners along.”

“Hm... They will watch me with eagle’s eyes.”

The receptionist clapped her hands, and the elevator doors opened. “Time to be creative.” With that, she gave him a quiver with two silver arrows which had thin golden tips.

“Golden tips? Because they are commanders?”

“Exactly. Good luck.”

***

It was exactly as Theliel had predicted. Ayil and Ariel sat stiffly, with grumpy expressions, on the picnic blanket, as far from each other as they could, never letting Theliel out of their sight. Sablo and Diego made an effort at small talk, inwardly praying the awkward team building shit would be over soon. Theo hadn’t clued them in to his plans, certain they would ruin it. Subtlety wasn’t exactly their MO. Who did know the plan, was Azrael. He had seen him stashing the two silver arrows and his bow in the underbrush at the foot of the small hill where they’d unrolled their blanket. He’d realized what was about to happen and offered his help.

The conversation became more and more bizarre. When Sablo and Diego recounted puking events and described explicitly what and why they spit the content of their stomachs over each other’s feet, Theo knew it was time. So, he grabbed an egg, fumbled with it clumsily, snatched it, and dropped it again several times. He had practiced this so many times at home, he was certain he looked like his natural clumsy self. When the egg didn’t roll in the right direction or threatened to stop rolling entirely, Azrael mentally nudged it in the right direction again, so the egg landed right where he had stashed his equipment.

“Oh no! My egg!” Theliel jumped up, and ran after his wayward egg. Peeking through the bushes, he saw everyone watching the Angel of Death making a great production of whatever, distracting them from looking after Theo by throwing his arms in the air and swaying weirdly. He really was a good friend.

Theliel watched the commanders for a few seconds. He had been right. Their bodies seemed to gravitate towards each other against their will. Their auras were drifting together, even merging at the edges. No violent whirls, just smooth swirling. A very good sign. He had secretly taken samples of their auras. The results were as perfect as Diego’s and Azrael’s. There were some tiny dark spots around Ariel’s chest where his heart would be, which indicated he was still missing his family. Nothing too worrying yet. The silver arrows would help him to heal.

Theliel felt slightly queasy, but then decided not to overthink it. The readings were good, and his gut feelings told him to go for it. Surely the Powers would protect him from any retribution by irate commanders. Hopefully. So he did it.

Carefully taking a step back, he heard his old instructor’s voice in his mind. Assume the correct shooting stance. Stand upright without tension. Hold the bow with your left hand, point your left shoulder to the target.

What he was about to do didn’t guarantee lifelong love; too many unforeseeable things could happen, but he knew at least on his side he’d done everything he could.

Taking in a deep breath, then letting it slowly out again, Theliel nocked the first arrow. He raised and drew the bow in one fluid motion. He’d decided to shoot Ariel first. He was certain the Guardian Commander would be furious the moment he knew what happened. Nothing could distract Theliel now. Allowing his subconscious to guide his movements, he relaxed his fingers and the arrow left for its target. He watched as it flew until it hit Ariel.

The effect was immediate. The Guardian froze briefly, then bolted upright. Staring at the silver arrow protruding from his chest, he roared, “Nooooooo!”

Without further delay, Theliel fired again. As with Ariel, Ayil reacted almost instantly to the hit. Murderously, he stared at the bush, behind which Theliel was hiding. Oh shit!

In a rare display of agreement, both Commanders came storming down the hill, with fire blazing in their eyes.

Oh shit-shit-shit! Theo white-knuckled his bow, certain death was immediate, when someone grabbed him by the arm, and sped him away to CC. “Did you forget how to ‘port’ Theliel?” THEIR receptionist chuckled.

“Totally,” Theo panted. “You have to protect me!”

Back at the picnic site, Sablo and Diego sprinted after Ariel and Ayil, determined to protect Theo from harm. Azrael simply sat with his arms around his knees and shook his head. “When will they learn it’s futile to fight what’s meant to be?”

A familiar blue Angel materialized next to him. “Even when we don’t understand why or how, acceptance will lead to happiness.”

From the bushes down below a gleeful impish cackle could be heard through the thrashing and yelling. “Fooled again! Oh, the look on yer faces when lover boy’s partner nailed ye. Fuckin’ priceless.”

To @Timothy M. writing with you is a blast. Thank you for doin' it again.
@Valkyrie thank you for your patient editing and beta reading.
@Parker Owens, thank you for doing the final polishing.
You might want to look up the songs.