A Knight To Remember - 6. Breakthrough

“Nice room.” Ollie said, as he walked through the doorway.

“My bed’s really nice too.” I said with a smile, wiggling my eyebrows.

I knew making that joke was risky, but I tend to make inappropriate jokes in awkward situations. This was no different.

“Oh is it?” He said with a smile, walking towards the bed. He then sat down on it and laid back with his feet dangling off the side. Then, with a wry smile, he continued, “Eh, I’ve had better.”

My jaw dropped, feigning offense.

“Wow.” I said, my eyebrows raised. Unable to hide my smile.

He chuckled. His eyes were shining like diamonds.

God, I wanted to pounce on him so bad. Now I know what a lion feels when spotting a juicy gazelle. Holy fuck.

He sat up on the bed. He was wearing a grey Billabong shirt and sky blue shorts.

My bedroom is on the second floor at the end of a long walkway perpendicular to the stairs. It’s the only room on that side of the floor. It was perfect, since my parents never had a reason to go over there. It was the most private room in the house. My parents’ bedroom was on the ground floor. The only time my mom was ever upstairs was to get her sewing equipment. My dad only went there to use the guest room at the other end of floor, for his Sunday afternoon naps. I was super lucky.

I walked over and sat down at my computer chair, which was next to the bed. I didn’t want to stress him out by sitting next to him. Especially since I pushed the envelop a bit too much last time I was close to him, and I didn’t quite trust myself not to do it again.

“What’s this? Godel, Escher, Bach? Sounds boring.” Ollie said, picking up a book on the side-table next to my bed.

“Boring!? It’s only the greatest book ever written! It’s about something called ‘strange loops’. It’s basically an in-depth view of Godel’s Incompleteness Theorem. He proved that there are conjectures which can never be proven true, or false.” I said, getting excited to be on the subject.

“Huh?” Ollie responded, a confused look on his face.

“Godel showed that there are problems in mathematics which can never be solved, no matter how intelligent the mathematician. He proved that there are an infinite number of such problems. We can extrapolate that to mean that some things in the universe can never be known. That book relates Godel’s discovery to other branches of science, art, and even music. It’s pretty much my favorite book of all time.” I responded.

“Hmmm…” Ollie said, as he flipped through it. He continued, "Mind if I borrow it sometime?”

“Sure! I’ve read it like three times. You can take it home with you today!” I said, thrilled that he was taking an interest in something I loved so much.

Ollie looked around my room as I sat there taking in the sight of him. He then focused on my digital piano sitting in the corner.

“You play piano?” He asked.

“Uh… Well, yeah… I’ve played since I was seven. Mostly by ear.” I said.

“Play something for me.” He said, looking into my eyes.

CRAP!

I should have said it was a decoration!

“Uh, I mean, what do you want me to play?” I said, looking at the carpet.

“I dunno. What type of music do you play?”

“Well… I can play anything you want. I play by ear, so I don’t need sheet music or anything… Give me a song.” I said.

“You can play… anything?” He responded, a look of disbelief on his face.

“I mean, I can play anything that I’ve heard before. As long as I know the song I can figure it out. I’m not like a savant or anything… But apparently I have a really good ear… Or so my piano teacher told me when I was little.” I said, trying not to sound too confident.

I could see the wheels turning in his head, almost like we were playing a game or something. He was getting more enthusiastic now.

“Can you play ‘Don’t Stop Believin’ by Journey?” He asked, excitement filled his voice.

I chuckled.

“Sure.” I said.

I got up from the chair and went to the piano and turned it on. I started playing it in my own way. Similar to the original, but a bit more rhythmic. Putting my own spin on it, since the song was so easy.

After a couple minutes I got a little nervous, since I couldn’t see his reaction from where I was sitting, so I ended the song and looked back at him.

He was smiling!

I couldn’t help smiling back.

“Dude! That was awesome!” His face was filled with excitement, “Hmm… Play ‘Just The Way You Are’ By Bruno Mars!”

I was thrilled that he asked me to play that song. I have a strong jazz background, so I knew I could embellish that song easily and make it harmonically interesting. So I started playing it.

Musicians will understand the concept of ‘flow’, or ‘being in the pocket’. It’s an altered state of consciousness. A period of time in which you lose yourself in the music. Where you forget who or what is around you. All that exists is you and your instrument. And since I had already played something for him, and knew that he liked my playing, I could actually start to show him what I could really do. I could go to that special place. That place where my heart is.

I closed my eyes. When I want to play from the heart I always play with my eyes closed. It allows me to focus completely on the music.

I played a much slower version of ‘Just The Way You Are’. A much more romantic version, in my opinion. While I played it I thought of Ollie. I thought that it was such a perfect song to describe the way I felt about him. And thinking of him while I played affected HOW I played. I was surprised how heart-felt it was.

Playing the piano from my heart was something I VERY rarely did in front of other people. When people would ask me to play, I would always play something technical, rather than emotional. It felt safer. Playing from the heart felt a bit like standing in front of someone naked. I felt exposed. But for Ollie, I did it without thinking.

My intonation had never been better. I reharmonized the chorus a couple of times to make it more interesting and fresh. Playing the melody on the high register, slowly, with feeling.

After a few minutes I realized that Ollie was in the room with me! I had forgotten! I felt a stab of anxiety flash through me… When I’m lost in the music I have no awareness of what I look like. I don’t know what my face is doing. What my body is doing. I’m aware of nothing except the sounds going into my ears.

I gained my composure and cleared my throat. I then hesitantly looked in his direction.

I saw awe.

Wonderment.

I had never seen that look from Ollie before. Something had changed in his face. There was something in his eyes… I couldn’t put my finger on it. But I fucking loved it, whatever it was.

“That was… Wow! That was incredible, Ian! That was… really… beautiful.” He said, smiling, looking deep into my eyes.

I almost burst into tears.

I couldn’t understand why he made me so emotional. Hearing him say that to me was more meaningful than any praise from any piano teacher I’d ever had. Any recital I’d ever done. Any award I’d ever received. Nothing compared to seeing that look on his face. Nothing compared to hearing the awe in his voice.

I just looked into his eyes. Into his soul. I’m not sure how long we looked at each other.

In that moment, I wanted to tell him how much I loved him. How much I loved seeing him look at me that way. How much I wanted to be held by him…

Playing the friend game was getting harder and harder by the minute. My heart ached! I longed for him! He was right in front of me and yet it wasn’t anywhere near close enough to satiate me.

Ollie just give me one chance! Just one chance to show you how much I love you. I would pleasure you all day if you wanted. I will suck you awake every morning. I will make you breakfast every day. Wash your dirty underwear. Organize your closet. Help you with your homework. Fight for you. Console you. Be there for you no matter what. Be by your side till my dying breath.

I’ll do anything!

I just want to show you how much you mean to me!

I realized what I was thinking and corrected my facial expression, but he had already seen it. I’ve always had a very expressive face. It’s relatively easy to tell what I’m thinking. And he had gotten the gist of it. He was looking down now.

Fuck. Now he thinks I’m a freak… I can’t help it… I can’t help thinking about you like that.

In that moment… Seeing him look down when he saw love in my eyes, broke something in me. Something changed. I didn’t know what it was at the time, and I don’t know what it was now. But I couldn’t hold it back anymore. The tears I’d been holding back could be held back no longer… In my life I’ve cried maybe once every three years. But here, now, I couldn’t hold it back. I couldn’t take the uncertainty. The mixed signals. The second guessing.

It was too much.

I sat there. Head in my hands. Tears in my eyes. Not wailing. Not crying out loud. I just couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. I quickly wiped my eyes with the back of my hand, trying not to let him see what was happening.

I was ashamed.

“Ian, what’s wrong? Ian! Tell me what’s wrong… Right. Now.” I heard Oliver say - in an authoritative tone - from very close to me. His hand suddenly on my knee.

I hated myself so much in that moment. I felt like a child. I knew I shouldn’t have let myself get to this point.

I thought I was smart… I thought I was wise… But I was a fool. He was playing games with me. And I couldn’t take it anymore.

I gained my composure over the span of about 30 seconds. Wiped my eyes. And looked up at him.

“I’m… sorry. I didn’t mean for that to happen.” I said, in a raspy whisper.

“Ian, tell me what’s wrong… Right. Now.” Ollie was forceful. He was squeezing my knee hard. Bringing me back into the current moment.

“I… I can’t take it anymore!” I shouted, “What the hell is going on here, Ollie?” My eyes wide.

He looked at me. His trademark blank-face on full display.

After a few seconds, he spoke, “I haven’t let anyone call me Ollie since I was a kid.”

“Oh please… THAT’S what you’re concerned about!? I apologize… OLIVER.” I said, frustration in my voice. Frustration on my face.

I continued, “I haven’t let anyone play footsie with me under a table EVER. But you know what, sometimes change is good.”

My tears were gone. I was in debate mode. I was ready for anything he could throw at me. My mind was sharp as a razor. Fight or flight response.

Everything was on the line. And there was no turning back.

“I shouldn’t have done that.” He responded, looking down.

“Well… You did it. What I want to know is why.” I said, my voice becoming more steady.

“I’m not gay.” He said, still looking down.

I rolled my eyes, despite the fact that he wasn’t looking at me.

“That isn’t an answer. I didn’t ask if you were gay. I asked why you played footsie with me. Why did you touch my arm like that in the coffee shop? Why did you sit so close to me during the movie?” I asked.

There was a long pause. A deafening silence. I just let that shit hang. I was willing to sit there - waiting for an answer - until I died of thirst if that’s what it took.

“Because I wanted to.” He replied quietly.

FOR FUCK'S SAKE!

God just take me now!

“Do you hear how crazy you sound!?” I said.

In an almost inaudible voice, he answered, “Yes.”

I just sat there… Looking at him.

“So you DO feel something for me.” I said. More of a statement than a question.

He sat there on his knees, in front of me. Still looking at the floor. I wanted to shake him! Shake some fucking sense into him!

“I’m not sure.” His face was softer than I’d ever seen. Vulnerable.

My demeanor softened. I put my hand on his hand, which was still resting on my knee. I was too out of it to wonder whether that was appropriate or not. Nor was I in a place where I could actually appreciate the feeling I got from doing it. It was automatic.

“Look at me please.” I said in a soft voice. He moved his head and looked into my eyes. I continued, “I won’t push you… Too far. Ok? If I ever make you uncomfortable, then you can just talk to me about it, alright?”

He nodded, then said, “I just… don’t want you to get your hopes up. I wasn’t trying to lead you on. I wasn’t thinking about…” He let out an exasperated breath, “Shit. I wasn’t thinking about how my actions would affect you… I’m sorry. I know what I did was wrong.”

“Was it the radio station? Is that how you knew?”

He thought for a moment. Then answered, “That’s when it clicked. I think I knew on some level at Chad’s party. You know, the way you looked at me. And how you acted towards me and all that.”

Something else clicked in that moment: Trevor. Ollie wasn’t telling me the whole story. Not based on what I’d seen that day at the chess club. I suddenly felt sympathy for Trevor. I wondered if he had experienced the same mixed messages that I had. It didn’t feel like the right time to bust that door down. But I wouldn’t be forgetting about that question anytime soon. I suspected there was more to that story than I initially thought. Or that he was willing to admit.

“Oliver?”

He broke eye contact, and looked back down at the carpet. Then, just above a whisper, he said, “Call me the other thing from now on.”

The other thing?

“What other thing?” I asked, then it clicked. “Oh, you mean… Ollie?”

He nodded.

For once I could read him. He looked unsure. He was stepping outside his comfort zone.

“I’d be honored.” I said with a smile.

“Just don’t say it in front of anyone, ok?” He paused, now looking at me. After running his hand through his hair, he continued, “Definitely not in front of my brother. You can’t forget. Do you promise?” His face was very serious.

“I promise.” I said, “Ollie?”

He smiled, “Yeah?”

“Can I hug you?” I asked. Nervous. I couldn’t take much more rejection from him. Any more and I was liable to fly off the rails.

He smirked, “Is that code for you kissing my neck?”

I smiled, “Yes.”

He didn’t respond after that. Instead, he stood up and held open his arms.

I didn’t casually get up and step into his embrace. It was more like I flew into it. I launched my ass out of that chair so quick I almost passed the fuck out. I’m surprised I didn’t TKO him with a head-butt.

Wasting no time, I turned my head into his neck. This time I did more than kiss him there. I started sucking on his neck too. I had never done that before. Not with anyone. I was holding him so tight, terrified he would try to pull away from me. But he didn’t. I kissed my way to his Adams Apple, right up under his smooth chin, then kissing my way to the other side of his neck. His breathing was getting heavy again, driving me wild. Knowing that I was getting him hot was beyond exhilarating.

I was breathing in his scent like it was giving off the only oxygen in the room. I wished my room had been hotter, so that I could have smelled him better, smelled his sweat.

I was hard. I moved my hands from his shoulders to his lower back, pulling him into me, and - without even thinking about it - pressed my groin into his.

I felt like an animal.

I wanted him to kiss me back!

All the sudden I felt his hands on my back. They slowly slid down to just above my ass.

Fucking grab my ass Ollie! Goddamnit! Just do it!

I needed more.

I slipped my hand under the back of his t-shirt, feeling his cashmere-soft skin.

Just then, I heard the front door to the house slam.

As soon as it happened Ollie tried to break us apart by pushing me, hard.

He pushed me WAY too hard, and I flew backwards and tripped on one of the wheels of my damn computer chair!

“Umpphhhh.” I groaned, from the floor.

THE PAIN!

My back had landed on one of the chair’s wheels right around my kidney area. I was moaning and writhing around. It hurt SO bad!

“Ahhhhhhhh!!!!” I screamed.

“Oh my God! Ian! I’m so sorry!” Ollie said, leaning down trying to help me up, but I was in too much pain to stand.

The door to my room swung open.

I looked over at the doorway from the floor, still rubbing my back. I was in so much pain that I didn’t even think about how this whole scenario must have looked to Devan.

“GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HIM!” Devan shouted, charging towards Ollie who looked scared out of his mind.

Before I could react, Devan had pushed Ollie against the wall with his forearm digging into Ollie’s neck.

“What the FUCK do you think you’re doing!?” Devan shouted.

“Devan!” I shouted from the floor, “It was an… accident dude! He didn’t mean to do it.”

“Yeah fucking right. He was about to hit you when I walked in here!” Devan was seeing red.

“No… Oh fuck, my back… He… He was trying to help me up… I… tripped on the chair!” I sputtered out.

He moved his elbow from Ollie’s neck but still stood facing him against the wall.

“Who the hell is this guy? Why have I never seen him before?” Devan turned to look at me.

I was finally feeling well enough to sit up. I looked at Devan, “His name is Oliver. We met at Chad’s party. We’re… uh… friends.”

Devan looked suspicious, “Since when do you go around making secret friends behind my back?”

“For Christ’s sake, Devan! It wasn’t a secret! We get along really well! Why are you giving me the third degree?” I shouted.

Devan looked back at Ollie, who still looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

“Hey man, I wasn’t trying to hurt Ian. I would never hurt him.” Ollie said, in a sincere voice.

Devan stepped back giving him some space. Ollie rushed over to where I was sitting on the floor. He bent down on one knee in front of me.

“Dude, where did the chair hit your back?” Ollie had such a concerned look on his face. I was almost glad I’d hurt my back. I loved seeing him all concerned about me. It turned me on like crazy!

“Uh… Right here.” I pointed to my left kidney.

Without hesitation Ollie reached around and pulled the left side of my shirt up, trying to see if there was a mark. With the lightest touch, he rubbed his fingers over the swollen skin.

SHIT! I should have pointed to my groin! He could have rubbed that instead!

“Holy shit! It’s purple!” He exclaimed.

After a few awkward minutes, and a helping hand from Ollie and Devan, I found myself sitting on the bed next to Ollie, with Devan sitting in my computer chair.

“So…” I started, “I think the three of us may have started off on the wrong foot here.”

Devan snorted, “You can say that again. You still haven’t explained how you ‘tripped on your chair’. I’m not buying it.”

“Well, that’s what happened. So chill out! And thank you for trying to protect me. Ya big chimp! Now, Devan meet Oliver. Oliver meet Devan. Now you two can kiss and make up.” I said with a smile.

“Nice to meet you, man.” Ollie said.

“Uh… Sorry about the whole arm in your neck thing. I kinda thought you were attacking him or something.” Devan said.

“It’s cool. I understand.” Ollie responded.

“Ok, great. Now that we’re best buddies, what’s going on, Devan? And have you ever heard of something called a cell phone!?” I exclaimed.

“Nothing… Uh, we can talk about it later.” He said, in an evasive tone.

“Ooooooooooooookay.” I responded, exasperated.

“Look, I’ll hit you up later. I gotta go anyway. I’ll see you tomorrow. Cool?” Devan said.

“Yeah, sure. Tomorrow.”

Devan looked at Ollie and gave a slight head-nod, which Ollie returned. He then got up, and walked out of my room.

I wasn’t at all surprised that Devan didn’t want to say why he came here in front of Ollie. Devan is super secretive with people he doesn’t know. Anything beyond bullshit conversation is a HUGE no-no. I’ve always liked that about him. It makes me feel special, knowing that he trusts me with things he would never tell anyone else. It’s one reason that I like telling him gossip. He eats it up AND he never tells a soul. He’s the perfect friend in many ways.

Once Devan was gone, I felt Ollie’s hand brush against my back, and start rubbing up and down. Slow and caring.

“You feeling better, man?” Ollie asked.

“Oh…. Uh… I do now….” My eyes were practically rolling to the back of my head, I continued, “Keep… Uh… Doing that… But do it under my shirt… Please?” I said, giving him my best puppy-dog eyes.

“You’re not as subtle as you think you are.” Ollie said with a smirk.

“I wasn’t trying to be subtle! You injured me! I probably have only one working kidney now! Rub me!” I said, in a playful whine.

Ollie stood up and walked over to the door, and closed it. I then heard him turn the lock.

I was like a rabbit that had just heard something rustling in the grass. My head popped up so fast. My heart started pounding. I was getting hard already.

Oh shit!!!! HE LOCKED THE DOOR! OH. MY. GOD. Fucking take me Ollie! Come and get it big boy!!!

I wasn’t sure what the fuck was happening. I wasn’t expecting much, but just the fact that he had locked us in there was turning me on more than I thought possible.

He walked back over to the bed. I was looking at him now. Desire pouring out of my eyes.

His face was unreadable. He looked at me, and - in an authoritative tone - said, “Take off your shirt.”

FUCKIN A!! STRIP ME DOWN BIG BOY!!!!!

I did as I was told with an urgency I had never felt before. I was shaking now. I dared not hope for too much, but the future looked bright as fuck.

“Lay on your stomach.” He said. His voice forceful.

I wasn’t sure what he was going to do. I was actually getting a little scared. I hadn’t seen this look in his eyes before. But I didn’t dare protest.

I lay on my stomach on the bed, without my shirt. He stepped onto the bed and straddled my ass. Sitting so that his butt was on top of mine.

I was about ready to cream myself. Feeling his weight. Feeling his pressure on me. I wished he had asked me to lose the pants too! Rip them off me, Ollie!

After a couple seconds, I felt his hands on my shoulders.

He started softly kneading them. It felt like someone had plugged a power line into the back of my neck. Chills were fucking shooting down my spine.

“Mmmmmmm…. Oh God… That’s… Oh… Fuck… OH! Right there!” I moaned.

He giggled!

He was laughing at me! Even his giggling turned me on!

I was about to pass out. His hands started working in between my shoulders. I was groaning. Moaning. Whimpering. This was my fucking dream come true. Feeling his beautiful hands on my back. He might as well have been touching my cock, because all the pleasure from my back was shooting straight into my groin.

I knew I was leaking like a faucet. I was glad that I had worn jeans that day, so it was harder to see.

He gradually worked lower. I was completely lost in his touch. It was almost too much. If him touching my back felt this good, then what would his hand wrapped around my cock feel like?

Fuck!

He slowly reached the lower left side of my back, where my purple welt was. With the most gentle touch I’d ever felt, he soothed the area. Just barely brushing his fingers across it. His touch was so light. So caring. I wanted to cry again.

Just then I felt him scoot his butt back off of mine and onto the back of my thighs. I thought it was over. It had ended too soon! I needed more!

Just then I felt him lean forward. And what happened next almost gave me a stroke.

I felt him lean down, and his lips gently touched the spot where my welt was!

HE WAS KISSING MY BRUISE!

It was so gentle… Feather soft.

Oh God, I almost died. You don’t understand. Think what you want. Call me a fag. I don’t care. I almost died as soon as he did it.

I let out the deepest moan of my life. He was just lightly kissing it. So sweet. So soft and tender. Hearing the sounds his lips were making against my skin was driving me fucking nuts. I was seeing double.

This is heaven. Right here. Right now. Nothing can top this. No golden streets. No pearly white clouds. Nothing. THIS is as good as shit gets.

He started kissing his way up my back. I was grinding into the the mattress. I didn’t give a fuck. I was so hot right then. He kissed all the way up my spine right to the spot between my shoulder blades. My eyes were so far into the back of my head… He then kissed each shoulder-blade.

“Oh! Keep doing it, Ollie! Please…” I moaned.

He kissed up to the back of my neck. I wanted to turn around. I wanted him to kiss me on the lips. But he was too heavy for me to do it.

I felt his weight shift. He leaned his body forward so that his groin was pressing into my ass while he continued to kiss me…

I immediately started lifting my ass off the bed, pushing it into his crotch. I felt him push back down against my ass as I pushed into him… I could feel something pushing against my butt! Something really hard!

HE WAS GRINDING INTO ME!

“Oh fuck! Oh my God, Ollie!” I couldn’t stay quiet.

He was kissing the tops of my shoulders now. Biting me! He was biting me! Fuck!

“Mmmmmm,” I heard in my ear. A deep groan. Deeper than anything I had heard his voice do up to that point. I FELT that moan on my shoulder.

His arms slipped under my armpits and gripped the front of my shoulders.

He was breathing so heavy… Right in my ear…

I felt his firm thrusts into my ass. Confident thrusts. Manly thrusts.

He was breathing really heavy now. And his thrusting was getting more forceful.

“Ohhhhhh… Dude… Keep doing it…” I groaned.

For several more minutes he soothed me. Paying attention to every single square inch of my back. He showed me an intimacy that I had never experienced before. I thought I knew desire. I thought I knew lust. But I had no idea. Feeling his weight on me. His manhood pressing hard into my ass. It was more beautiful than anything I’d ever felt. I didn’t care whether I was a bottom or a top. I was going to be whatever the fuck he needed me to be.

Eventually, I felt his weight lift off of my back. He was now sitting on my ass again. He then lifted his leg and moved it around me, and stood next to the bed, beside me.

I wondered if he was getting close and had to stop. I sure hoped so.

This was my chance. I quickly turned my head and looked at his groin. He was hard! I made him hard! I knew it!

I could see the ridge of the head of his cock outlined in his thin blue shorts. That beautiful curvature of the tip of his manhood. His dick was pushing up towards his belly button, but at an angle, more towards his pelvis. It was good-sized. And a nice thickness. Not too big, not too small. Probably around 6 inches or so. Maybe a little less. Perfect, in my opinion.

“My eyes are up here.” Ollie said, with a smirk.

“Uh… Oh! I… Uh… My bad.” I sputtered.

He chuckled.

“Well, stop waving it in my face! You WANT me to look at it! You fuckin’ perv!” I said, in a joking tone.

“Yeah, right! I’m just standing here! You’re the one whose eyes are bugging out of his head!”

“Because it’s three centimeters from my face! You’re a sicko! You need help!” I retorted.

We both laughed.

Then, with a wry smile, I said, “You still have to do my front.”

“You’d like that wouldn’t you? Who’s the perv now?” He responded, smiling.

“I’d like that very much, actually… And I never said I WASN’T a perv…” I said, and laughed.

“Shit. I can’t believe I did that.” He said, shaking his head.

“It’s no big deal, dude… No one will ever know, k? I will never tell anyone what happens between us.” I said, my face serious.

He nodded.

His face was still red. His eyes glazed.

I did that. I made him that way. Words cannot describe how that made me feel. To know that I had the power to make him feel that way. To make his eyes burn like that. I could have died happy right then.

“Feel better now?” He said, in a deep, husky voice. A goofy smile on his face.

“Ohhhhhh…. It felt so good, baby… I mean, Ollie! I’m sorry… Shit! I didn’t mean to say that.” I buried my face in the bed. Horrified.

“Come on, get up. Here’s your shirt.” Ollie said, holding it in his hands.

I sat up on the bed, as he carefully placed the shirt on me. I was looking again at his still mostly-hard cock. I couldn’t focus on anything else. I wanted to reach out and squeeze it. I wondered if he’d let me. Maybe I could quickly bury my face in his junk and take a big whiff of it… Fuck, I wanted to do that so bad. Let him see how pervy I REALLY am… But I chickened out. Things were going so well. I would move at his pace. He had to know I was down for anything. So I resisted.

After that encounter I knew he really cared about me. He showed me more than words ever could. Even though he hadn’t meant to hurt me by that push, he still felt responsible. He went above AND beyond what was needed to make up for it.

Fuck, I hope he punches me in the lip next time! Then he can kiss that too. Or the cock! Punch my wiener, Ollie!

“Oh, I was wondering…” Ollie paused.

“Go on.” I said, hoping it was something good.

“Well, there is a chess tournament in Dallas next weekend. I have an aunt and uncle that live there. Anyway, I was going to play in it. It’s five games spread out over Saturday and Sunday. So, um… if you want to come with me, that’d be cool.” He said, looking down.

OH. MY. GOD.

“Sure! I’d love to go. Do I have to register or something?” I said, my heart beating out of my chest.

“Yeah, you have to register with the USCF and the Texas Chess Association. It costs like five bucks or something. The entry fee to the tournament is fifty dollars, though. But you could win a lot of money if you do well in your section.”

“Awesome! Count me in. Is anyone else going with us?” I asked.

Please say no. Please say no. Please say no.

“Nah, my aunt and uncle only have one spare bedroom, since they have 2 kids. So there really isn’t room for anyone else.” He said, still looking down.

PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Cool! I’m excited dude. It’s gonna be so fun!” I said, trying to contain myself.

He smiled, “No funny business! This is an official trip! Get your mind out of the gutter!”

Oh, there won’t be anything funny about what I’m gonna try to do to you.

“Who me? I’m a saint! I wouldn’t think of it! How dare you accuse me of such filth!” I said, in a mock British accent.

He laughed.

Before he left, I stood up and, without even asking, pulled him into a hug. Just a hug this time. I needed to smell him one more time before he left. I was addicted to his natural scent. It was oaky, somehow. Some sort of nuttiness. Not like the nuts between your legs. Like real tree nuts. I couldn’t put my finger on it. It was complex and rich. Subtle. Intoxicating. I needed it for my spank bank later that evening.

“Alright dude. Thanks for coming over.” I said, smiling.

“It was interesting, that’s for sure.” He laughed, then continued, “Never a dull moment with you, is there?”

“Nope.” I laughed.

He started towards my bedroom door.

“Wait! Don’t forget the book!” I said, picking it up and bringing it over to him.

He turned around and took it from me, “You really want me to read this don’t you?” He said with a smile.

“At least read the first chapter, dude. It’s so good. I really think you’re gonna like it. The prologue is a bit heavy, but you need to read it in order to understand the book as a whole. So, just power through that part. It’s worth it, bab-“ I caught myself, “Ollie.” I said, trying to hide my enthusiasm.

After he left, I just sat on my bed, remembering what had just taken place. Unable to even believe it. I didn’t know where we stood on everything. I wasn’t sure I even wanted to know yet. But he was showing me that he cared. He asked me to go on a trip with him! I hadn’t even asked my parents if it was ok… Fuck that. They will say yes. If not, I’ll run away from home for the weekend or something.

I’m GOING with him.

No one - not even Jesus himself - will be able to stop me.

And we’re going to share a bedroom! For fuck’s sake!

Oh God please let there be just one bed. Hopefully a queen-sized. Maybe even a double-bed! We’d HAVE to snuggle in that case…

Fuck… I’m not going to sleep an ounce that whole weekend. I’m just gonna lay there and feel him next to me. Hear his breathing.

Talk about a dream come true…

I’m the luckiest guy on earth!