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  1. chessdude


    What a great comment! That's so encouraging man. Wow! I'm so glad to hear others have heard of and read that book. It influenced me greatly. Thanks so much for the kind words. It encourages me so much. I appreciate you, man.
  2. chessdude


    Some nice food for thought there! Time will tell my friend. Glad you liked it!
  3. chessdude


    Glad you liked that part 😂 I appreciate you man. Thanks for commenting. Hope you like the next chapter!
  4. “Nice room.” Ollie said, as he walked through the doorway. “My bed’s really nice too.” I said with a smile, wiggling my eyebrows. I knew making that joke was risky, but I tend to make inappropriate jokes in awkward situations. This was no different. “Oh is it?” He said with a smile, walking towards the bed. He then sat down on it and laid back with his feet dangling off the side. Then, with a wry smile, he continued, “Eh, I’ve had better.” My jaw dropped, feigning offense. “Wow.” I said, my eyebrows raised. Unable to hide my smile. He chuckled. His eyes were shining like diamonds. God, I wanted to pounce on him so bad. Now I know what a lion feels when spotting a juicy gazelle. Holy fuck. He sat up on the bed. He was wearing a grey Billabong shirt and sky blue shorts. My bedroom is on the second floor at the end of a long walkway perpendicular to the stairs. It’s the only room on that side of the floor. It was perfect, since my parents never had a reason to go over there. It was the most private room in the house. My parents’ bedroom was on the ground floor. The only time my mom was ever upstairs was to get her sewing equipment. My dad only went there to use the guest room at the other end of floor, for his Sunday afternoon naps. I was super lucky. I walked over and sat down at my computer chair, which was next to the bed. I didn’t want to stress him out by sitting next to him. Especially since I pushed the envelop a bit too much last time I was close to him, and I didn’t quite trust myself not to do it again. “What’s this? Godel, Escher, Bach? Sounds boring.” Ollie said, picking up a book on the side-table next to my bed. “Boring!? It’s only the greatest book ever written! It’s about something called ‘strange loops’. It’s basically an in-depth view of Godel’s Incompleteness Theorem. He proved that there are conjectures which can never be proven true, or false.” I said, getting excited to be on the subject. “Huh?” Ollie responded, a confused look on his face. “Godel showed that there are problems in mathematics which can never be solved, no matter how intelligent the mathematician. He proved that there are an infinite number of such problems. We can extrapolate that to mean that some things in the universe can never be known. That book relates Godel’s discovery to other branches of science, art, and even music. It’s pretty much my favorite book of all time.” I responded. “Hmmm…” Ollie said, as he flipped through it. He continued, "Mind if I borrow it sometime?” “Sure! I’ve read it like three times. You can take it home with you today!” I said, thrilled that he was taking an interest in something I loved so much. Ollie looked around my room as I sat there taking in the sight of him. He then focused on my digital piano sitting in the corner. “You play piano?” He asked. “Uh… Well, yeah… I’ve played since I was seven. Mostly by ear.” I said. “Play something for me.” He said, looking into my eyes. CRAP! I should have said it was a decoration! “Uh, I mean, what do you want me to play?” I said, looking at the carpet. “I dunno. What type of music do you play?” “Well… I can play anything you want. I play by ear, so I don’t need sheet music or anything… Give me a song.” I said. “You can play… anything?” He responded, a look of disbelief on his face. “I mean, I can play anything that I’ve heard before. As long as I know the song I can figure it out. I’m not like a savant or anything… But apparently I have a really good ear… Or so my piano teacher told me when I was little.” I said, trying not to sound too confident. I could see the wheels turning in his head, almost like we were playing a game or something. He was getting more enthusiastic now. “Can you play ‘Don’t Stop Believin’ by Journey?” He asked, excitement filled his voice. I chuckled. “Sure.” I said. I got up from the chair and went to the piano and turned it on. I started playing it in my own way. Similar to the original, but a bit more rhythmic. Putting my own spin on it, since the song was so easy. After a couple minutes I got a little nervous, since I couldn’t see his reaction from where I was sitting, so I ended the song and looked back at him. He was smiling! I couldn’t help smiling back. “Dude! That was awesome!” His face was filled with excitement, “Hmm… Play ‘Just The Way You Are’ By Bruno Mars!” I was thrilled that he asked me to play that song. I have a strong jazz background, so I knew I could embellish that song easily and make it harmonically interesting. So I started playing it. Musicians will understand the concept of ‘flow’, or ‘being in the pocket’. It’s an altered state of consciousness. A period of time in which you lose yourself in the music. Where you forget who or what is around you. All that exists is you and your instrument. And since I had already played something for him, and knew that he liked my playing, I could actually start to show him what I could really do. I could go to that special place. That place where my heart is. I closed my eyes. When I want to play from the heart I always play with my eyes closed. It allows me to focus completely on the music. I played a much slower version of ‘Just The Way You Are’. A much more romantic version, in my opinion. While I played it I thought of Ollie. I thought that it was such a perfect song to describe the way I felt about him. And thinking of him while I played affected HOW I played. I was surprised how heart-felt it was. Playing the piano from my heart was something I VERY rarely did in front of other people. When people would ask me to play, I would always play something technical, rather than emotional. It felt safer. Playing from the heart felt a bit like standing in front of someone naked. I felt exposed. But for Ollie, I did it without thinking. My intonation had never been better. I reharmonized the chorus a couple of times to make it more interesting and fresh. Playing the melody on the high register, slowly, with feeling. After a few minutes I realized that Ollie was in the room with me! I had forgotten! I felt a stab of anxiety flash through me… When I’m lost in the music I have no awareness of what I look like. I don’t know what my face is doing. What my body is doing. I’m aware of nothing except the sounds going into my ears. I gained my composure and cleared my throat. I then hesitantly looked in his direction. I saw awe. Wonderment. I had never seen that look from Ollie before. Something had changed in his face. There was something in his eyes… I couldn’t put my finger on it. But I fucking loved it, whatever it was. “That was… Wow! That was incredible, Ian! That was… really… beautiful.” He said, smiling, looking deep into my eyes. I almost burst into tears. I couldn’t understand why he made me so emotional. Hearing him say that to me was more meaningful than any praise from any piano teacher I’d ever had. Any recital I’d ever done. Any award I’d ever received. Nothing compared to seeing that look on his face. Nothing compared to hearing the awe in his voice. I just looked into his eyes. Into his soul. I’m not sure how long we looked at each other. In that moment, I wanted to tell him how much I loved him. How much I loved seeing him look at me that way. How much I wanted to be held by him… Playing the friend game was getting harder and harder by the minute. My heart ached! I longed for him! He was right in front of me and yet it wasn’t anywhere near close enough to satiate me. Ollie just give me one chance! Just one chance to show you how much I love you. I would pleasure you all day if you wanted. I will suck you awake every morning. I will make you breakfast every day. Wash your dirty underwear. Organize your closet. Help you with your homework. Fight for you. Console you. Be there for you no matter what. Be by your side till my dying breath. I’ll do anything! I just want to show you how much you mean to me! I realized what I was thinking and corrected my facial expression, but he had already seen it. I’ve always had a very expressive face. It’s relatively easy to tell what I’m thinking. And he had gotten the gist of it. He was looking down now. Fuck. Now he thinks I’m a freak… I can’t help it… I can’t help thinking about you like that. In that moment… Seeing him look down when he saw love in my eyes, broke something in me. Something changed. I didn’t know what it was at the time, and I don’t know what it was now. But I couldn’t hold it back anymore. The tears I’d been holding back could be held back no longer… In my life I’ve cried maybe once every three years. But here, now, I couldn’t hold it back. I couldn’t take the uncertainty. The mixed signals. The second guessing. It was too much. I sat there. Head in my hands. Tears in my eyes. Not wailing. Not crying out loud. I just couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. I quickly wiped my eyes with the back of my hand, trying not to let him see what was happening. I was ashamed. “Ian, what’s wrong? Ian! Tell me what’s wrong… Right. Now.” I heard Oliver say - in an authoritative tone - from very close to me. His hand suddenly on my knee. I hated myself so much in that moment. I felt like a child. I knew I shouldn’t have let myself get to this point. I thought I was smart… I thought I was wise… But I was a fool. He was playing games with me. And I couldn’t take it anymore. I gained my composure over the span of about 30 seconds. Wiped my eyes. And looked up at him. “I’m… sorry. I didn’t mean for that to happen.” I said, in a raspy whisper. “Ian, tell me what’s wrong… Right. Now.” Ollie was forceful. He was squeezing my knee hard. Bringing me back into the current moment. “I… I can’t take it anymore!” I shouted, “What the hell is going on here, Ollie?” My eyes wide. He looked at me. His trademark blank-face on full display. After a few seconds, he spoke, “I haven’t let anyone call me Ollie since I was a kid.” “Oh please… THAT’S what you’re concerned about!? I apologize… OLIVER.” I said, frustration in my voice. Frustration on my face. I continued, “I haven’t let anyone play footsie with me under a table EVER. But you know what, sometimes change is good.” My tears were gone. I was in debate mode. I was ready for anything he could throw at me. My mind was sharp as a razor. Fight or flight response. Everything was on the line. And there was no turning back. “I shouldn’t have done that.” He responded, looking down. “Well… You did it. What I want to know is why.” I said, my voice becoming more steady. “I’m not gay.” He said, still looking down. I rolled my eyes, despite the fact that he wasn’t looking at me. “That isn’t an answer. I didn’t ask if you were gay. I asked why you played footsie with me. Why did you touch my arm like that in the coffee shop? Why did you sit so close to me during the movie?” I asked. There was a long pause. A deafening silence. I just let that shit hang. I was willing to sit there - waiting for an answer - until I died of thirst if that’s what it took. “Because I wanted to.” He replied quietly. FOR FUCK'S SAKE! God just take me now! “Do you hear how crazy you sound!?” I said. In an almost inaudible voice, he answered, “Yes.” I just sat there… Looking at him. “So you DO feel something for me.” I said. More of a statement than a question. He sat there on his knees, in front of me. Still looking at the floor. I wanted to shake him! Shake some fucking sense into him! “I’m not sure.” His face was softer than I’d ever seen. Vulnerable. My demeanor softened. I put my hand on his hand, which was still resting on my knee. I was too out of it to wonder whether that was appropriate or not. Nor was I in a place where I could actually appreciate the feeling I got from doing it. It was automatic. “Look at me please.” I said in a soft voice. He moved his head and looked into my eyes. I continued, “I won’t push you… Too far. Ok? If I ever make you uncomfortable, then you can just talk to me about it, alright?” He nodded, then said, “I just… don’t want you to get your hopes up. I wasn’t trying to lead you on. I wasn’t thinking about…” He let out an exasperated breath, “Shit. I wasn’t thinking about how my actions would affect you… I’m sorry. I know what I did was wrong.” “Was it the radio station? Is that how you knew?” He thought for a moment. Then answered, “That’s when it clicked. I think I knew on some level at Chad’s party. You know, the way you looked at me. And how you acted towards me and all that.” Something else clicked in that moment: Trevor. Ollie wasn’t telling me the whole story. Not based on what I’d seen that day at the chess club. I suddenly felt sympathy for Trevor. I wondered if he had experienced the same mixed messages that I had. It didn’t feel like the right time to bust that door down. But I wouldn’t be forgetting about that question anytime soon. I suspected there was more to that story than I initially thought. Or that he was willing to admit. “Oliver?” He broke eye contact, and looked back down at the carpet. Then, just above a whisper, he said, “Call me the other thing from now on.” The other thing? “What other thing?” I asked, then it clicked. “Oh, you mean… Ollie?” He nodded. For once I could read him. He looked unsure. He was stepping outside his comfort zone. “I’d be honored.” I said with a smile. “Just don’t say it in front of anyone, ok?” He paused, now looking at me. After running his hand through his hair, he continued, “Definitely not in front of my brother. You can’t forget. Do you promise?” His face was very serious. “I promise.” I said, “Ollie?” He smiled, “Yeah?” “Can I hug you?” I asked. Nervous. I couldn’t take much more rejection from him. Any more and I was liable to fly off the rails. He smirked, “Is that code for you kissing my neck?” I smiled, “Yes.” He didn’t respond after that. Instead, he stood up and held open his arms. I didn’t casually get up and step into his embrace. It was more like I flew into it. I launched my ass out of that chair so quick I almost passed the fuck out. I’m surprised I didn’t TKO him with a head-butt. Wasting no time, I turned my head into his neck. This time I did more than kiss him there. I started sucking on his neck too. I had never done that before. Not with anyone. I was holding him so tight, terrified he would try to pull away from me. But he didn’t. I kissed my way to his Adams Apple, right up under his smooth chin, then kissing my way to the other side of his neck. His breathing was getting heavy again, driving me wild. Knowing that I was getting him hot was beyond exhilarating. I was breathing in his scent like it was giving off the only oxygen in the room. I wished my room had been hotter, so that I could have smelled him better, smelled his sweat. I was hard. I moved my hands from his shoulders to his lower back, pulling him into me, and - without even thinking about it - pressed my groin into his. I felt like an animal. I wanted him to kiss me back! All the sudden I felt his hands on my back. They slowly slid down to just above my ass. Fucking grab my ass Ollie! Goddamnit! Just do it! I needed more. I slipped my hand under the back of his t-shirt, feeling his cashmere-soft skin. Just then, I heard the front door to the house slam. As soon as it happened Ollie tried to break us apart by pushing me, hard. He pushed me WAY too hard, and I flew backwards and tripped on one of the wheels of my damn computer chair! “Umpphhhh.” I groaned, from the floor. THE PAIN! My back had landed on one of the chair’s wheels right around my kidney area. I was moaning and writhing around. It hurt SO bad! “Ahhhhhhhh!!!!” I screamed. “Oh my God! Ian! I’m so sorry!” Ollie said, leaning down trying to help me up, but I was in too much pain to stand. The door to my room swung open. I looked over at the doorway from the floor, still rubbing my back. I was in so much pain that I didn’t even think about how this whole scenario must have looked to Devan. “GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HIM!” Devan shouted, charging towards Ollie who looked scared out of his mind. Before I could react, Devan had pushed Ollie against the wall with his forearm digging into Ollie’s neck. “What the FUCK do you think you’re doing!?” Devan shouted. “Devan!” I shouted from the floor, “It was an… accident dude! He didn’t mean to do it.” “Yeah fucking right. He was about to hit you when I walked in here!” Devan was seeing red. “No… Oh fuck, my back… He… He was trying to help me up… I… tripped on the chair!” I sputtered out. He moved his elbow from Ollie’s neck but still stood facing him against the wall. “Who the hell is this guy? Why have I never seen him before?” Devan turned to look at me. I was finally feeling well enough to sit up. I looked at Devan, “His name is Oliver. We met at Chad’s party. We’re… uh… friends.” Devan looked suspicious, “Since when do you go around making secret friends behind my back?” “For Christ’s sake, Devan! It wasn’t a secret! We get along really well! Why are you giving me the third degree?” I shouted. Devan looked back at Ollie, who still looked like a deer caught in the headlights. “Hey man, I wasn’t trying to hurt Ian. I would never hurt him.” Ollie said, in a sincere voice. Devan stepped back giving him some space. Ollie rushed over to where I was sitting on the floor. He bent down on one knee in front of me. “Dude, where did the chair hit your back?” Ollie had such a concerned look on his face. I was almost glad I’d hurt my back. I loved seeing him all concerned about me. It turned me on like crazy! “Uh… Right here.” I pointed to my left kidney. Without hesitation Ollie reached around and pulled the left side of my shirt up, trying to see if there was a mark. With the lightest touch, he rubbed his fingers over the swollen skin. SHIT! I should have pointed to my groin! He could have rubbed that instead! “Holy shit! It’s purple!” He exclaimed. After a few awkward minutes, and a helping hand from Ollie and Devan, I found myself sitting on the bed next to Ollie, with Devan sitting in my computer chair. “So…” I started, “I think the three of us may have started off on the wrong foot here.” Devan snorted, “You can say that again. You still haven’t explained how you ‘tripped on your chair’. I’m not buying it.” “Well, that’s what happened. So chill out! And thank you for trying to protect me. Ya big chimp! Now, Devan meet Oliver. Oliver meet Devan. Now you two can kiss and make up.” I said with a smile. “Nice to meet you, man.” Ollie said. “Uh… Sorry about the whole arm in your neck thing. I kinda thought you were attacking him or something.” Devan said. “It’s cool. I understand.” Ollie responded. “Ok, great. Now that we’re best buddies, what’s going on, Devan? And have you ever heard of something called a cell phone!?” I exclaimed. “Nothing… Uh, we can talk about it later.” He said, in an evasive tone. “Ooooooooooooookay.” I responded, exasperated. “Look, I’ll hit you up later. I gotta go anyway. I’ll see you tomorrow. Cool?” Devan said. “Yeah, sure. Tomorrow.” Devan looked at Ollie and gave a slight head-nod, which Ollie returned. He then got up, and walked out of my room. I wasn’t at all surprised that Devan didn’t want to say why he came here in front of Ollie. Devan is super secretive with people he doesn’t know. Anything beyond bullshit conversation is a HUGE no-no. I’ve always liked that about him. It makes me feel special, knowing that he trusts me with things he would never tell anyone else. It’s one reason that I like telling him gossip. He eats it up AND he never tells a soul. He’s the perfect friend in many ways. Once Devan was gone, I felt Ollie’s hand brush against my back, and start rubbing up and down. Slow and caring. “You feeling better, man?” Ollie asked. “Oh…. Uh… I do now….” My eyes were practically rolling to the back of my head, I continued, “Keep… Uh… Doing that… But do it under my shirt… Please?” I said, giving him my best puppy-dog eyes. “You’re not as subtle as you think you are.” Ollie said with a smirk. “I wasn’t trying to be subtle! You injured me! I probably have only one working kidney now! Rub me!” I said, in a playful whine. Ollie stood up and walked over to the door, and closed it. I then heard him turn the lock. I was like a rabbit that had just heard something rustling in the grass. My head popped up so fast. My heart started pounding. I was getting hard already. Oh shit!!!! HE LOCKED THE DOOR! OH. MY. GOD. Fucking take me Ollie! Come and get it big boy!!! I wasn’t sure what the fuck was happening. I wasn’t expecting much, but just the fact that he had locked us in there was turning me on more than I thought possible. He walked back over to the bed. I was looking at him now. Desire pouring out of my eyes. His face was unreadable. He looked at me, and - in an authoritative tone - said, “Take off your shirt.” FUCKIN A!! STRIP ME DOWN BIG BOY!!!!! I did as I was told with an urgency I had never felt before. I was shaking now. I dared not hope for too much, but the future looked bright as fuck. “Lay on your stomach.” He said. His voice forceful. I wasn’t sure what he was going to do. I was actually getting a little scared. I hadn’t seen this look in his eyes before. But I didn’t dare protest. I lay on my stomach on the bed, without my shirt. He stepped onto the bed and straddled my ass. Sitting so that his butt was on top of mine. I was about ready to cream myself. Feeling his weight. Feeling his pressure on me. I wished he had asked me to lose the pants too! Rip them off me, Ollie! After a couple seconds, I felt his hands on my shoulders. He started softly kneading them. It felt like someone had plugged a power line into the back of my neck. Chills were fucking shooting down my spine. “Mmmmmmm…. Oh God… That’s… Oh… Fuck… OH! Right there!” I moaned. He giggled! He was laughing at me! Even his giggling turned me on! I was about to pass out. His hands started working in between my shoulders. I was groaning. Moaning. Whimpering. This was my fucking dream come true. Feeling his beautiful hands on my back. He might as well have been touching my cock, because all the pleasure from my back was shooting straight into my groin. I knew I was leaking like a faucet. I was glad that I had worn jeans that day, so it was harder to see. He gradually worked lower. I was completely lost in his touch. It was almost too much. If him touching my back felt this good, then what would his hand wrapped around my cock feel like? Fuck! He slowly reached the lower left side of my back, where my purple welt was. With the most gentle touch I’d ever felt, he soothed the area. Just barely brushing his fingers across it. His touch was so light. So caring. I wanted to cry again. Just then I felt him scoot his butt back off of mine and onto the back of my thighs. I thought it was over. It had ended too soon! I needed more! Just then I felt him lean forward. And what happened next almost gave me a stroke. I felt him lean down, and his lips gently touched the spot where my welt was! HE WAS KISSING MY BRUISE! It was so gentle… Feather soft. Oh God, I almost died. You don’t understand. Think what you want. Call me a fag. I don’t care. I almost died as soon as he did it. I let out the deepest moan of my life. He was just lightly kissing it. So sweet. So soft and tender. Hearing the sounds his lips were making against my skin was driving me fucking nuts. I was seeing double. This is heaven. Right here. Right now. Nothing can top this. No golden streets. No pearly white clouds. Nothing. THIS is as good as shit gets. He started kissing his way up my back. I was grinding into the the mattress. I didn’t give a fuck. I was so hot right then. He kissed all the way up my spine right to the spot between my shoulder blades. My eyes were so far into the back of my head… He then kissed each shoulder-blade. “Oh! Keep doing it, Ollie! Please…” I moaned. He kissed up to the back of my neck. I wanted to turn around. I wanted him to kiss me on the lips. But he was too heavy for me to do it. I felt his weight shift. He leaned his body forward so that his groin was pressing into my ass while he continued to kiss me… I immediately started lifting my ass off the bed, pushing it into his crotch. I felt him push back down against my ass as I pushed into him… I could feel something pushing against my butt! Something really hard! HE WAS GRINDING INTO ME! “Oh fuck! Oh my God, Ollie!” I couldn’t stay quiet. He was kissing the tops of my shoulders now. Biting me! He was biting me! Fuck! “Mmmmmm,” I heard in my ear. A deep groan. Deeper than anything I had heard his voice do up to that point. I FELT that moan on my shoulder. His arms slipped under my armpits and gripped the front of my shoulders. He was breathing so heavy… Right in my ear… I felt his firm thrusts into my ass. Confident thrusts. Manly thrusts. He was breathing really heavy now. And his thrusting was getting more forceful. “Ohhhhhh… Dude… Keep doing it…” I groaned. For several more minutes he soothed me. Paying attention to every single square inch of my back. He showed me an intimacy that I had never experienced before. I thought I knew desire. I thought I knew lust. But I had no idea. Feeling his weight on me. His manhood pressing hard into my ass. It was more beautiful than anything I’d ever felt. I didn’t care whether I was a bottom or a top. I was going to be whatever the fuck he needed me to be. Eventually, I felt his weight lift off of my back. He was now sitting on my ass again. He then lifted his leg and moved it around me, and stood next to the bed, beside me. I wondered if he was getting close and had to stop. I sure hoped so. This was my chance. I quickly turned my head and looked at his groin. He was hard! I made him hard! I knew it! I could see the ridge of the head of his cock outlined in his thin blue shorts. That beautiful curvature of the tip of his manhood. His dick was pushing up towards his belly button, but at an angle, more towards his pelvis. It was good-sized. And a nice thickness. Not too big, not too small. Probably around 6 inches or so. Maybe a little less. Perfect, in my opinion. “My eyes are up here.” Ollie said, with a smirk. “Uh… Oh! I… Uh… My bad.” I sputtered. He chuckled. “Well, stop waving it in my face! You WANT me to look at it! You fuckin’ perv!” I said, in a joking tone. “Yeah, right! I’m just standing here! You’re the one whose eyes are bugging out of his head!” “Because it’s three centimeters from my face! You’re a sicko! You need help!” I retorted. We both laughed. Then, with a wry smile, I said, “You still have to do my front.” “You’d like that wouldn’t you? Who’s the perv now?” He responded, smiling. “I’d like that very much, actually… And I never said I WASN’T a perv…” I said, and laughed. “Shit. I can’t believe I did that.” He said, shaking his head. “It’s no big deal, dude… No one will ever know, k? I will never tell anyone what happens between us.” I said, my face serious. He nodded. His face was still red. His eyes glazed. I did that. I made him that way. Words cannot describe how that made me feel. To know that I had the power to make him feel that way. To make his eyes burn like that. I could have died happy right then. “Feel better now?” He said, in a deep, husky voice. A goofy smile on his face. “Ohhhhhh…. It felt so good, baby… I mean, Ollie! I’m sorry… Shit! I didn’t mean to say that.” I buried my face in the bed. Horrified. “Come on, get up. Here’s your shirt.” Ollie said, holding it in his hands. I sat up on the bed, as he carefully placed the shirt on me. I was looking again at his still mostly-hard cock. I couldn’t focus on anything else. I wanted to reach out and squeeze it. I wondered if he’d let me. Maybe I could quickly bury my face in his junk and take a big whiff of it… Fuck, I wanted to do that so bad. Let him see how pervy I REALLY am… But I chickened out. Things were going so well. I would move at his pace. He had to know I was down for anything. So I resisted. After that encounter I knew he really cared about me. He showed me more than words ever could. Even though he hadn’t meant to hurt me by that push, he still felt responsible. He went above AND beyond what was needed to make up for it. Fuck, I hope he punches me in the lip next time! Then he can kiss that too. Or the cock! Punch my wiener, Ollie! “Oh, I was wondering…” Ollie paused. “Go on.” I said, hoping it was something good. “Well, there is a chess tournament in Dallas next weekend. I have an aunt and uncle that live there. Anyway, I was going to play in it. It’s five games spread out over Saturday and Sunday. So, um… if you want to come with me, that’d be cool.” He said, looking down. OH. MY. GOD. “Sure! I’d love to go. Do I have to register or something?” I said, my heart beating out of my chest. “Yeah, you have to register with the USCF and the Texas Chess Association. It costs like five bucks or something. The entry fee to the tournament is fifty dollars, though. But you could win a lot of money if you do well in your section.” “Awesome! Count me in. Is anyone else going with us?” I asked. Please say no. Please say no. Please say no. “Nah, my aunt and uncle only have one spare bedroom, since they have 2 kids. So there really isn’t room for anyone else.” He said, still looking down. PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! “Cool! I’m excited dude. It’s gonna be so fun!” I said, trying to contain myself. He smiled, “No funny business! This is an official trip! Get your mind out of the gutter!” Oh, there won’t be anything funny about what I’m gonna try to do to you. “Who me? I’m a saint! I wouldn’t think of it! How dare you accuse me of such filth!” I said, in a mock British accent. He laughed. Before he left, I stood up and, without even asking, pulled him into a hug. Just a hug this time. I needed to smell him one more time before he left. I was addicted to his natural scent. It was oaky, somehow. Some sort of nuttiness. Not like the nuts between your legs. Like real tree nuts. I couldn’t put my finger on it. It was complex and rich. Subtle. Intoxicating. I needed it for my spank bank later that evening. “Alright dude. Thanks for coming over.” I said, smiling. “It was interesting, that’s for sure.” He laughed, then continued, “Never a dull moment with you, is there?” “Nope.” I laughed. He started towards my bedroom door. “Wait! Don’t forget the book!” I said, picking it up and bringing it over to him. He turned around and took it from me, “You really want me to read this don’t you?” He said with a smile. “At least read the first chapter, dude. It’s so good. I really think you’re gonna like it. The prologue is a bit heavy, but you need to read it in order to understand the book as a whole. So, just power through that part. It’s worth it, bab-“ I caught myself, “Ollie.” I said, trying to hide my enthusiasm. After he left, I just sat on my bed, remembering what had just taken place. Unable to even believe it. I didn’t know where we stood on everything. I wasn’t sure I even wanted to know yet. But he was showing me that he cared. He asked me to go on a trip with him! I hadn’t even asked my parents if it was ok… Fuck that. They will say yes. If not, I’ll run away from home for the weekend or something. I’m GOING with him. No one - not even Jesus himself - will be able to stop me. And we’re going to share a bedroom! For fuck’s sake! Oh God please let there be just one bed. Hopefully a queen-sized. Maybe even a double-bed! We’d HAVE to snuggle in that case… Fuck… I’m not going to sleep an ounce that whole weekend. I’m just gonna lay there and feel him next to me. Hear his breathing. Talk about a dream come true… I’m the luckiest guy on earth!
  5. chessdude


    Thanks man! And yeah, Oscar's definitely acting weird. Guess we'll have to get to the bottom of that...
  6. chessdude


    Thanks man! Yeah, they've both got some issues they need to sort through...
  7. chessdude


    Thanks for commenting! Stuff shouldn't have come out of nowhere. Especially when considering chapter 4 and this chapter together. But we've got a long way to go. So we'll have to see how everything turns out. Take care!
  8. chessdude


    Thanks so much man! And yeah, Ian is just so confused and perplexed by Ollie's behavior. We'll just have to get to the bottom of that whole thing! I can't wait to tie all of this together... It's gonna be fun! I appreciate you man. You encourage me more than you know.
  9. I CAN’T FIND MY KEYS! I was ready for the party tonight. I had taken a nice - and thorough - shower. I made sure my hair looked good and everything. I was wearing my nice Vans, a green shirt that matched my eyes, and slim-fit khakis. Those khakis were my secret weapon. You see, Beyonce-booties run in my family. When I was a kid my grandma used to say that you could have a tea party on my butt. My cousins, my uncles, every guy on my mom’s side has a really round butt… So, let’s just say these khakis accentuate that feature. I was planning on - you know - like, waving my ass in his face relatively subtly and checking his reaction… Maybe pretend to drop something and then do a little bend-and-snap - but like a manly version of that, if possible… I’m just gonna play that part by ear. I wanted to look just good enough to catch Ollie’s eye - if he’s gay, that is - but not so good that I stood out at the party. But my keys were nowhere to be found! And I was running late! For Christ sake. This has happened 10,000 times and I STILL haven’t learned how to put them in the same place every day! I lose everything! I know how to achieve world peace… Give ME the nuclear launch codes… Then tell me ‘Whatever you do, DON’T lose these codes’. They’d be gone within an hour! Never to be seen again! I just solved world peace! Clothes were flying in all directions. My sheets had been stripped off the bed. I was looking everywhere. I was furious. My room looked like Hurricane Wilma had stopped by for a visit. “GOODNESS GRACIOUS!” My mom shouted from the doorway. “MOM! NOT. NOW. I don’t need you chirping in my ear! I’m running late!” With a huff she turned and stormed off. Thank God. I knew I’d pay for that little outburst. My mom is pretty much the most sensitive person on earth. She can hardly function if she thinks I’m mad at her. If I pull a face she starts tearing up. It’s just how she is. I knew I’d have to apologize later for snapping, but right now really wasn’t the time! Fifteen minutes later I found my keys in my pajama pants… I must have gone to my car to get something last night. I wasn’t surprised they were there. I’m never surprised. I wouldn’t be surprised if I shat them out one day. Those keys have a mind of their own. *** I was zooming down the interstate. I took the toll-road… That’s when you know your ass is late as hell. I didn’t care if it cost me, I had to get there. He lived further towards the Hills than I did, further out west. Austin, in a lot of places, greatly resembles San Diego, with its big rolling hills and houses perched on top of them. Those houses are for rich bastards only, and while my parents made good money, they surely didn’t make enough to have a house too far out west. That’s the super posh part of town. I arrived at the address I was given. The house was two-stories, with a kind of peach-colored brick. It was quite nice. Not as fancy as I was expecting, which relieved me. Hanging out in a really expensive house is not relaxing at all… I feel like I have to watch every little thing I do. At least this place looked like a real home. I thought about pulling up to the driveway, but there were three cars already piled into it, so I just parked on the street. My heart was racing. I kept taking deep breaths and trying to steady it, but I couldn’t. I didn’t know any of these people. All my friends have been around my whole life, so I’m not exactly a social butterfly, especially in unfamiliar situations. Also, I was 35 minutes late, which made me even more uncomfortable… Like, they probably had already established the ‘vibe’ of the evening, and here I was waltzing in there and messing it up. What a great way to start off some new friendships! I walked up to the door and rang the doorbell. I heard someone jogging towards the door. It swung open. There he was. He had on a tie-dye t-shirt, board-shorts and no shoes. He was wearing black ankle-length socks. I took a moment to admire his beautiful legs. His chocolate-brown leg hair. Fuck me! I then took a quick peek at his socked feet. And, for the very first time in my life, I wanted to do things with another persons feet. Unspeakable things. Things I would never admit to another living soul. I would have recoiled at even the mention of the things I was thinking about doing. Feet didn’t necessarily gross me out all that much, but I definitely didn’t find them arousing… Well, I hadn’t before now. Fucking hell… I just want to… DON’T YOU SAY IT! I wonder what they sm…. SHUT UP! Nothing about Oliver turned me off… Nothing. The fact that his feet were covered in socks tormented me… I just wanted to rip those socks off and… like… investigate… things… “I was getting worried, man! Did you get lost?” Oliver asked, with a concerned look on his face. “I couldn’t find my keys. Sorry about that.” I responded. “No worries. Come on in…” I walked through the door and started wiping off my shoes on the mat, Ollie continued, “My mom’s a stickler about shoes in the house, so just leave yours here, k?” “Sure thing.” I responded. I took off my shoes, hoping that my feet didn’t stink… I always wore fresh socks, so I was pretty sure it would be fine. I followed him through a rather long hallway and into what looked like the living room, where I saw two guys sitting and watching ESPN. “Guys, I want you to meet Ian.” Oliver said. They both turned to look at me, then got up off the couch. “Ian, this is Connor.” Connor looked almost like a freshman. He was maybe 5’2” and probably weighed not much more than a hundred pounds. He had short blonde hair and blue eyes. I was then introduced to a guy named Tony. He was about my height and was African-American. I liked him almost instantly. After our brief introduction another guy walked into the kitchen. And my breath hitched. His resemblance to Ollie was striking. There was no doubt in my mind that they were related. He looked to be around 21 or so. He. Was. Delicious. And he had a look on his face that intimidated me. “Ian, this is my brother, Oscar.” Ollie said. I walked up to him and held out my hand, and with a smile said, “Nice to meet you, dude.” His face was searching. He was sizing me up, which took me by surprise. He didn’t smile at me or anything! He just held out his hand and gave me a WAY too firm handshake. “I haven’t seen you before. How did you two meet?” Oscar said. His voice was steady, controlled. Knowing. “I uh, well I met Oliver at a party and we started talking about chess and whatnot. I also play, so we kinda hit it off that way.” I responded. “I see.” He said. His tone, flat. My smile was gone. He was being so standoffish. He then turned and walked towards the fridge, and started rifling through it. Damn, that was awkward. I wonder if he’s like that with all of Ollie’s friends. What a douche. A hot douche. But a douche nonetheless. We made our way to the dining room where Oliver had setup two tournament sized chess sets side by side. He also had a couple game clocks already set up. I got paired with Connor, since he was rated 1000. I was rated around 885 at that point, so that match up made sense. Tony was rated 1875, so he was a better match against Oliver. We played lots of 5-minute games, or what they called ‘Game 5’s’. I noticed very quickly how different ‘blitz chess’ is to the chess I’d been playing online. I was used to having a lot more time to make decisions, and my results that night highlighted that. In blitz chess, everything is based on intuition. There is very little time to actually consider moves. You just have to go with your gut instinct. And I didn’t have much of a gut instinct at that point. But damn was it an adrenalin rush! Tony didn’t help matters either. He was too damn hilarious. After about 5 games with Connor, I decided to just watch Ollie and Tony play. Tony was the king of trash talking. I never knew chess players talked trash! It felt like a neighborhood basketball game. As I watched the game, Oliver was the aggressor. He was clearly the better player, but I could tell by his smile that he was enjoying playing with Tony as much as we were enjoying watching. During one game, Tony sacrificed a bishop for two pawns. The idea being that he could open up a lot of space on the right side of the board. This enabled him to start pushing a pawn towards Ollie’s back rank. Although pawns are generally the weakest pieces on the board, there is one particular situation where they become absolutely deadly. When a pawn makes it all the way to the opponent’s side of the board, it can transform. It can be exchanged into any other piece, including a queen! So it’s possible for one player to have two queens playing in the game, if they manage to promote a pawn. Tony was two moves away from being able to promote his pawn. I was on the edge of my seat as I watched Ollie calculate a way to prevent Tony from accomplishing this. If Tony managed to do it, the game would be over. I was fascinated with the way Oliver played blitz. He was so much quicker than anything I could have imagined. During the first 10 moves of the game he had used only 5 seconds on the clock! 10 moves in 5 seconds! It was incredible. “Uh oh! Watch that pawn Oliver! Watch that pawn! It’s bout to get a sex-change!” We all laughed. Ollie smiled and, a few moves later, had blocked the pawn advance, and captured one of Tony’s pawns. “Man, I didn’t even want that pawn! That pawn was just in my way. Consider that a gift!” We laughed again. Tony did manage to draw a couple games. And against Ollie that’s quite an accomplishment. During their last game I accidentally glanced at Ollie’s groin area. It was totally not my fault! What I noticed there prevented me from focusing on ANYTHING else. His shorts had ridden up on his legs, and the sight before me was nothing short of spellbinding. I could see his two beautiful balls straddling the seam of his shorts. I could see them resting on each side of it. And since the guys were all focused on the game, it meant I could stare at those beautiful ping-pong sized balls - unencumbered. I was practically drooling at the sight of them. I was lost in that beautiful view. As I was taking in every detail, imagining what they would look like without that cloth barrier, I noticed something moving in my peripheral vision. I looked up briefly, and saw Oscar perched at the entrance of the dining room, looking directly at me. Oh God… Oh shit… I hope he didn’t see what I was looking at… His face was stone. I averted my eyes quickly from his and pretended to go back to watching the game. It felt like Oscar was keeping an eye on me for some reason. He wasn’t watching the other two boys nearly as close as he was watching me. I just pretended not to notice, and eventually Oscar got bored and left the room. After that game finished, Connor, Tony, and I went into the living room to watch some TV while Oliver ordered us some pizzas. *** The pizza finally arrived. We’d ordered one medium cheese and one medium supreme. I was starved. We took the pizzas into the kitchen, and opened the boxes. Oliver grabbed four plates and we started piling food on them. Connor and Tony took their plates over to the kitchen table; it was circular, and had four chairs spaced evenly around it. I followed them, took a seat, and began to eat. A minute or two later, Oliver took the seat directly to my right, and started to chow down. We were talking and laughing about this and that. I was happily inhaling my pizza. Everything felt totally normal. I was just sitting there minding my own business… I swear! I was being totally innocent! I wasn’t fantasizing about Oliver. I wasn’t imagining him repeatedly shoving his beautiful, hard cock into my mouth. I wasn’t imagining smelling his musk. I wasn’t imagining what his seed would taste like splashing across my tongue as I heard him scream my name, crying out in pleasure. Me lapping up his warm cum like a calf his mothers milk. Nothing like that. I was being a good boy. So there I was, just eating my food and enjoying the conversation. I had a huge bite of pizza in my mouth when I felt something come resting down on top of my right foot. I didn’t know what it was at first. But very soon I realized what it was. Oliver’s left foot was resting on my right foot! Right under the table! I knew it had to be a mistake. But he just left it there! I could feel his toes wiggling a little bit on top of mine! INSTANT. BONER. Holy fuck… Is he… Flirting with me? It isn’t possible. This can’t be happening! I don’t fucking believe it. Hallelujah! I didn’t move a muscle. I hardly breathed at all. I was afraid that any movement I made would startle him, causing him to move his foot. My heart was pounding. It was like a 16” subwoofer in my chest. My smile was dopey as fuck. I was cross-eyed. The room was blurry. I couldn’t hear any of the conversation anymore. All I knew was that this beautiful boy had his foot resting on mine. That my dream boy was probably flirting with me! My smile was uncontainable. I very cautiously looked over at him, using just my eyes. He was acting totally normal, laughing and talking along with the other two. He hadn’t looked at me since he put his foot on mine. I kept checking. I wanted to make eye contact. I wanted to convey to him just how fine I was with his behavior. But he wouldn’t look at me! His foot was still resting on mine when I heard Tony shout, “Ian! What do you think?” “Huh?” I replied. “Bro, you’re so spaced right now.” Connor interjected, and then laughed. “Huh?” I replied again. Oliver was just eating his pizza, looking right at his plate, and nothing else. Ollie you little bastard! You’re torturing me! “We were SAYING that it would be fun to watch Tropic Thunder tonight. You down?” Connor asked. “Uh… Yeah… I’m down… I’m down with… Anything… Totally cool all of it… We can do whatever you want… I’m so… down…” I was in a haze. A love cloud. Tony and Conner burst out laughing. Probably thinking I was stoned off my ass. And they would have been right. I WAS high. I was high on Oliver. He STILL wasn’t looking at me. It was driving me crazy! I wanted to just grab his face and shove my tongue in his mouth. I wanted to taste every single part of him. If those two mules hadn’t been there I probably would have! I came to and looked over at Connor. He was looking at me like I was an alien or something. I should have felt embarrassed. But I didn’t give a shit… Ollie’s foot was resting on mine! I couldn’t give a fuck how stupid I looked. I really couldn’t. After about two minutes, Oscar walked into the room, and Ollie moved his foot off of mine with a quickness I didn’t know possible… And that’s when I knew. I knew. If he didn’t think placing his foot on mine was flirting, then why did he remove it when his brother came into the room? If it was just a friend thing, then it would stand to reason that he would have left it there. There wouldn’t have been anything to hide, right? He was flirting with me. I knew it for sure in that moment. No doubt in my mind. Oscar had been acting strange the whole evening. Popping out of one doorway or another. I didn’t know if he thought we were doing drugs or what. He was acting suspicious as fuck. We finished eating the pizza, and headed off to the basement, to what Ollie called the ‘game room’… Boy, was it fantastic. It had three couches that formed a C-shape, surrounding a big-screen TV. In between the couches were two HUGE bean bags that looked super comfy. I hoped I would be spending a lot of time in there with Oliver in the foreseeable future. Especially on those bean bags. I walked behind everyone else. I wanted to make sure Ollie and I were sitting next to each other. I was getting hard again just thinking about it. I still hadn’t fully processed what had happened under the table. It had taken me by such surprise that, despite knowing that he was flirting, I still couldn’t BELIEVE that that’s what he was doing. I was still trying to convince myself that it was some sort of joke. Maybe he was playing chicken or something. There was a battle in my head. My cynical side wasn’t going to give up that easily. I only wished that I had worn shorts tonight, so that I could have felt Ollie’s beautiful, soft, chocolate-brown leg hair brushing up against mine. I’m a total slut for hairy legs. Especially his. Connor and Tony decided to take the two huge bean bags in front of the TV, which meant that Ollie and I could take the middle couch, and - most importantly - they wouldn’t be able to see us once the lights were out, unless they turned around completely. It was perfect. I was shaking. I wanted those two gone. They were nice. They were cool. But right now they were cock-blocking the shit out of me. I wanted them GONE! DO YOU HEAR ME? GONE! I sat down smack dab in the middle of the couch, while Ollie setup the movie. My leg was bouncing up and down. I just wanted him to get on with it! For Christ’s sake! Hurry the fuck up already! As soon as Ollie turned out the lights, my heart started pounding like a college drum-line. I watched as his shadow approached the couch. He then plopped down on my right side. Connor and Tony were already situated, so they weren’t paying any attention to us. As soon as he sat down, I felt his left leg push up against my right leg, and his left shoulder press against my right. We were essentially glued together. My whole right side was against his whole left side. I felt like a lithium ion battery. The whole right side of my body felt like it was charging, like I was absorbing his energy, his essence, into myself. It was LITERALLY electrifying! As I was sitting there, so close to him, the worst thing imaginable happened. I felt a mammoth fart coming on. I couldn’t believe this was happening. My bowels had ALL DAY to do this, and yet they chose now!? My asshole was clinched tighter than an industrial vice. I was like Gandalf during The Fellowship of the Ring. You know, that part with the giant demon. YOU….. SHALL NOT…………….. PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!! *** I decided - very early on - that Tropic Thunder is probably the funniest movie of all time. We were all laughing our asses off. During the movie Ollie did the cutest thing ever… Every time we started laughing at something, he always looked at me. If I laughed at anything, no matter how stupid it was, I could see his smiling face turned my way - watching me. It made my heart sing! I felt bubbly. I had never felt bubbly in my entire life. I finally knew what people meant when they used that word. I was cackling at stuff I normally wouldn’t even think is funny… I was so happy… Everything was hilarious to me. For the first time since I met Oliver, I didn’t analyze anything. I didn’t try to figure him out. I just enjoyed his presence. Enjoyed the feeling of his beautiful body pressed against mine. His smell. His smile. Seeing him in my periphery. Hearing his adorable, high-pitched laugh. Feeling his body shake every time he giggled. I was in heaven. I was the happiest I’d ever been. Or so I thought. Around halfway through the movie something miraculous happened. Connor’s mom called him. She was furious with him for some reason, and had demanded that he return home immediately. But he hadn’t driven himself… Tony had to take him home! I was going to get to watch the second half of the movie with Ollie… Alone! My smile was like a boner at that point. I had no control over it. As Connor and Tony said their goodbyes, I was just sitting there with the biggest smile in history plastered across my face. We were already sitting super close to each other. As close as we could be without sitting on top of each other. HE had done that. HE sat down that close to me. And HE had put his foot on mine earlier that evening. Now it was MY turn to do something. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to sooooooooo bad… But I was too chicken. So, I went with the next best thing. My right hand was resting on my right thigh. His left hand was resting on his left thigh. I knew what I had to do. I was going to hold Ollie’s hand during the movie! There was no-one around. It was dark. It was perfect. Slowly, I extended my pinky, and moved my hand closer and closer towards his. His hand was in a loose fist, palm-side down. I was sweating now. I was so fucking nervous. I was summoning every ounce of courage I had. I wouldn’t have been so nervous had Ollie mentioned ANYTHING about his behavior. Had we actually discussed what his behavior meant, I would have been fine. Since we hadn’t, there was still a tiny bit of doubt. To hell with it. Grow a pair. Be a man. My hand got closer to his, as I slowly looped my pinky in his. Using my pinky, I kind of pulled his hand towards mine in an attempt to open his hand up and get mine underneath it. But he wasn’t taking the hint. He wasn’t opening his fucking hand! So, I just went for it, and slipped my hand palm-side up under his, intertwining my fingers in his. Oh my God! I’m holding his hand! My cock was rock-fucking-hard. Throbbing. Just the buildup to holding his hand had worked me into a frenzy. I did it! I can’t believe it! It felt like there was a torrential rain storm inside my chest. I was bursting. It was the most special moment of my life. I thought this was it. I thought that this was the moment I’d been waiting for. Surely he would kiss me now. Surely he would confess his love for me. It was what our last few interactions had been building up to. Him touching me in the coffee shop… Him resting his foot on mine under the table… The sitting really close. All of it… But that isn’t what happened. Instead, he slowly pulled his hand away from me. His face blank. His eyes still on the TV. It felt like I’d been stabbed in the heart. I wasn’t disappointed. I was fucking devastated. After I’d put all my cards on the table, after I’d finally worked up the courage to show him that I liked him, he’d pulled away from me. I looked over towards him, trying to understand what had just happened. As I turned my head, he leaned forward on the couch, stood up, and walked out of the room, leaving me sitting there. In the dark. I felt a cloud engulf me the second he left. A cloud of numbness. By the time the door to the basement closed, I felt absolutely nothing at all. No sadness. No sorrow. No grief. No regret. No joy. No excitement. Nothing. Just. Nothing. I imagined that this is what an insect must feel like. No wants. No desires. No dreams. No hopes. No fears. No worries. No happiness. Nothing at all. I was just existing. That was it. For those few moments I was devoid of all humanity. I was outside my body. I couldn’t reconcile what the fuck had just happened. What had I done wrong? Was he just playing with me? Was he lying to himself? Was he unable to admit that he liked me? What in the living fuck was going on? I knew I should get up and leave. I knew I had just embarrassed the shit out of myself. But nothing felt important… Not anymore. Nothing at all. I didn’t give a shit where I was. Ollie’s house could have gone up in flames and I would have still been sitting there asking myself what the fuck had just happened. Asking myself how he could have done that to me. A couple minutes later, I heard the door to the basement open. I knew what he was there to tell me. I knew he wanted me to leave. But I wanted him to say it. I wanted him to tell me - to my face - to get the fuck out of his house. He should at least be forced to do that much. I was NOT going to run the fuck out of there with my tail between my legs. I was NOT hallucinating. I was NOT crazy. He WAS flirting with me the whole night. It was A-Okay when he initiated it, but when I initiated a little hand-holding that crossed some sort of imaginary line? I hadn’t tricked myself into thinking he was flirting with me. I was seeing clear as day. I had never seen ANYTHING so clearly. HE was the delusional one. Not me. I expected him to turn on the lights. But he didn’t. He slowly walked around the couch. I could tell he was holding something, but I couldn’t make out what. He sat down next to me. I braced myself. This was it. I knew that this was possibly the last time I’d ever hear his voice. He then turned his head to me and said, “Dude, try this salsa.” Excuse me? You want me to… TRY… THE FUCKING… SALSA??????????? This was supposed to be the part where he told me to go fuck myself! I didn’t know whether to be relieved or enraged. I just sat there with my mouth on the floor. I didn’t know what any of this meant. I was dumbfounded. Speechless. He should be screaming at me right now. He should be accusing me of trying to rape him or something! That’s what ‘straight’ guys do. Especially guys our age. Why was he acting like it was no big deal? He didn’t seem fazed by any of it. I thought he was hard to read before tonight… Now he was the goddamn Enigma Machine… Maybe he’s not ready. I mulled that thought over, as Ollie sat next to me laughing at the movie like nothing had happened. And, of course, Robert Downey Junior’s character made me laugh without my consent. Despite how funny the movie was, I was still a bit pouty, and was having trouble focusing on the story at all. I couldn’t decide if I should bring up what has been going on between us. I was thinking… Trying to decide what I should say. Ollie noticed this, and - on more than one occasion - playfully nudged me with his shoulder, smiling at me. Trying to get me out of my own head. I had never been more confused. I didn’t know what to feel. I felt sorrow that he didn’t want to hold my hand. I felt elation that he wasn’t upset with me. But why wasn’t he upset? For Christ sake! *** After the movie, I gathered up my phone and wallet, and walked through the door, out to the driveway with Oliver trailing right behind me. I was surprised that I didn’t feel embarrassed. I didn’t regret anything that had happened. Holding hands seemed like the most innocuous thing in the world to me. But maybe Ollie didn’t know where I would have stopped? I couldn’t be sure. But I knew he felt something for me. Something more than friendship. I wanted so badly to talk to him about what was going on. I wanted to know what he was thinking. I didn’t know if I should apologize for trying to hold his hand during the movie or not. Part of me thought that I should, but I had a gut feeling that this subject was very much off-limits. If he had wanted to talk about the hand-holding incident, then he wouldn’t have come up with the salsa thing. I doubted he’d actually wanted any salsa. It seemed more like he was trying to diffuse the situation, and show me that he wasn’t mad, without having to actually address what had happened. We approached my car. I wasn’t sure what to say. “Um… Well, I had fun tonight, dude.” I said, in a somewhat subdued voice. “Me too, man!” He responded with a big smile. I just looked at him. I couldn’t - for the life of me - figure him out. Part of me wanted to scream, to shout at him, telling him that he liked me - at least on some level. But I was too afraid of losing him. It wouldn’t be right to make him feel bad just because he wasn’t as ready as I was. I had told myself, early on, that if he only wanted to be friends, then I would live with it. Now I had the opportunity to practice what I preached. Maybe he didn’t know what he wanted? I knew what I wanted. I wouldn’t deny him anything. If he had asked to fuck me tonight I would have said yes. I wouldn’t have batted an eye at that question. I’m not sure I would have even liked getting fucked. I always thought of myself as the ‘fucker’ not the ‘fuckee’, but I would have done it for him. So, if he wanted to slow down, or to process everything first, then I would grin and bear. Ollie isn’t stupid. He’s brilliant. His chess ability attests to that fact. He knew why I did what I did. I was starting to think he was much better at reading ME than I was at reading HIM. His smile just now, and his enthusiasm after the whole hand-holding incident, proved it. He was being extra cheerful. Careful, even. It seemed like he was trying extra hard to make sure that I didn’t think he was mad. “I want to see you this weekend.” I said. Those words flew out of my mouth without my permission. They were spoken long before I’d had a chance to process them. It was like my subconscious decided that I needed to say them. I wanted to take it back. But, before I could, he responded, “Yeah, me too.” He was looking at the ground, clearly uncomfortable. What I didn’t understand is why he was so uncomfortable. I was getting more confident now. “What about Sunday?” I said. “Sure.” He was still looking down, kicking pebbles beneath his feet. I couldn’t leave without touching him. It would have hurt too much. So, casting caution to the wind, I said what was on my mind. “I want a hug… A long one.” I said. I wasn’t sure what had come over me. I didn’t know where this confidence was coming from. I had no idea what his response would be. But part of me needed to see what he would do. I needed to know whether I was wasting my time or not. I wanted him to demonstrate some level of affection for me right then. If he didn’t want to tell me what he was thinking, then he would have to show me. He looked up from the ground and into my eyes. I could see the uncertainty. I could see the confusion. I could see the hesitation. He then looked back towards his house, seemingly checking to see if Oscar or anyone else was looking out a window. My heart was beating out of my chest. It was now or never. He looked back towards me, and slowly started to move in my direction. I opened my arms and he stepped in them. I almost burst into tears the second I felt his arms around me. It felt so good to be that close to him. I couldn’t imagine ever letting him go. Having him in my arms was making me delirious. I was losing my resolve to hold back. After a few seconds, I could no longer control myself. I slowly turned my face into his neck. Smelling his skin. Smelling his hair. That set me off like a firecracker. He was breathing more heavily now. I could feel him trembling in my arms as I nuzzled his neck with my nose. I was trembling along with him. I was losing control. I couldn’t stop myself from kissing his neck. My lips just barely touching him. It was like an electric shock. I wasn’t prepared for the passion that that erupted out of me the second my lips touched his velvet-soft skin. Powerless to stop myself, I started kissing my way up to his ear. Kissing the side of his cheek. My kisses getting more and more fervent. My desire for him becoming more animalistic, more primal. He was letting me do it. So I kept doing it. I was moaning quietly. Whimpering. I couldn’t control that either. His breathing was getting more labored. He was pushing the side of his face towards my lips. I was lost in him. I started kissing, little by little, towards his mouth. As I got closer to his lips, he started to pull away from me. It was worth a try, I thought. And I’d keep trying, goddamnit. I’d try till my last fucking breath. Holding him in my arms, feeling him that close to me, that’s when I knew. I was in love with him. There was no denying it. There was no lying to myself about it. I would wait for him as long as I had to. I would do anything to get him to love me just a tenth as much as I loved him. I leaned back and looked into his eyes. His cheeks were flushed red. His eyes were glossy. His mouth slightly parted. His breath hitched. I wanted to push him further. I wanted to dive in and kiss him properly. I wanted to get on my knees and choke on his manhood. To bathe in the smell of him… But I had pushed him enough for one night. He knew what I wanted. He knew what I felt for him. And he was giving me at least something in return. He was trying. I knew in that moment that I had SOME sort of effect on him. I had power over him that he didn’t seem comfortable with… Yet. I would give him time. Maybe he would eventually deny my love. But I wasn’t going to make it easy for him. I’d wait as long as I needed to. I wouldn’t give up. I’d show him just how much he matters to me. We eventually broke the embrace. He smiled and said, “So, I guess I’ll see you Sunday?” “Yeah. Sunday.” I said, entranced by him. The smell of his skin had put a fervor in my loins beyond anything I thought possible. I wanted him more than I wanted life itself. I was rock hard, and I made no effort to hide it. It was too dark to see if he had the same problem. Two strokes and I would have shot off like the Apollo space shuttle. There was nothing else to say. I was terrified that if I put him on the spot - if I forced him to tell me exactly what he thought about everything - that I wouldn’t like his answer. I decided, in that moment, to just keep ‘showing’ him how I felt, instead of ‘telling’ him. For the time being, at least. I knew - instinctively - that he didn’t want to talk about any of this, yet. So I would go along with it, for now. I will show him just how much he means to me. Show him he needs ME too. Show him that no-one could ever love him as much as I do. I will wait for you my sweet Ollie. You’re worth it. You’re so fucking worth it.
  10. chessdude

    Confirmation Bias

    Yeah, Ian is walking on a tight rope. Hopefully he doesn't slip! Thanks for commenting!
  11. chessdude

    Confirmation Bias

    Thanks buddy. That means a lot.
  12. chessdude

    Confirmation Bias

    I guess will have to find out what that whole deal with Trevor was about... Glad you liking the chapter!
  13. “I’m gay.” Damn, it felt good to hear myself say it… Hearing it out loud made it real somehow. “Oh.” Sara responded. Her eyes distant. Her face was stone, almost frozen in time as she considered what I had just told her. Ok, this isn’t the response I was expecting. “Oh?” I parroted. “What do you mean, ‘oh’? Are you mad at me or something?” We were in my bedroom, sitting with our legs dangling over the side of the bed, facing the window. She was somewhere else. Her eyes were far, far away. “I feel like such a shitty person.” She said. “What are the fuck are you talking about?” I asked, shocked. I continued, “How does this have anything to do with you?” “But you don’t act gay! Are you sure you are? Maybe you’re bi or something. All the gay guys I know are… Obvious.” Sara responded. Why is nothing in life ever easy? “I’m gay. I know what I am.” I was getting irritated. “I’m really sorry, Ian… I’m sorry for everything. I really didn’t know… I just… hate myself so much right now.” Her eyes were watering. “WHAT THE FUCK are you talking about? Why do you keep saying that?” I asked. She looked at me, then at the floor and answered, “Danielle.” So that's what this is all about. Story time. I said before that I had never had a ‘proper’ girlfriend. That was technically true. But that didn’t mean that I had never been physical with a girl. I had. On more than one occasion, in fact. Sara was pretty much the best wingman a guy could ever ask for. She would go out of her way to find hot girls for me to ‘evaluate’… One day she found me a stunning half-hispanic, half-white girl named Danielle. And what a gorgeous girl she was. She was 16 years old, two years older than me at the time. Even as a gay guy, I could still appreciate her stunning beauty. Had I been even slightly straight, I would have jumped on her at the first opportunity… Hell, My face would have been buried so far between her legs I would have been able to taste what she’d had for dinner that night. And Sara knew this. She was SO proud of herself when Danielle told her that I was hot. One time we were at a baseball game - I was about 14 or so. Anyway, Sara had goaded me into the parking lot with Danielle by my side, and told us to make out as much as we wanted, while she stood guard for any teachers or school faculty. What a standup bitch, right? She walked out of a school baseball game just so I could get my smooch on with a hot Latina. So I did it. It was okay, I guess… I could tell right away by Danielle’s breathing, as we were kissing, that she was getting a lot more turned on than I was. Danielle was hooked on me after that. A few weeks after our first make-out session, Sara found out her parents were going out of town for a few days, and so she decided to have a house-party. The goal being that we would have a lot of fun with our friends AND that I would get laid for the first time. I was petrified. The problem was that Sara had already invited a lot of other people, and word had gotten out among our friend group that Danielle and I were gonna get it on that night. There was no way I could have refused. It would have been impossible to justify to my guy friends. So I went along with it. The sex was, in a word: boring. For the most part. I was able to get it up and keep it up. But when she started sucking my dick I froze. I definitely didn’t want to go down on her. There was WAY too much stuff going on down there. That was a no-go. So I stopped her after a minute or so, feeling like if I accepted too much more, I would be expected to reciprocate. Anyway, I did the deed. I was able to finish. And, like I said, it was ok. There was however one part about it I DID like: sucking on her tits. She had really pretty pink nipples, and perfect breasts. Magazine perfect… And, despite not being turned on by the sight of them, her reaction to me sucking on her nipples SERIOUSLY turned me on. She loved it. She was moaning and breathing really heavy. She was fucking writhing around on the bed as I did it. Loving it. And - for those few minutes - I loved it too. Apparently I did such a good job that she had an orgasm. Just from me sucking her tits! I’m telling the truth here! She was shaking like crazy afterwards… It was the only time I ever actually enjoyed pleasuring a girl. I even masturbated about that encounter several times over the following few days… Sexuality is a really weird thing. Oh believe me… I made sure to tell Devan and the guys about my tit-sucking skills. I was a legend for a couple weeks. After that night Danielle was totally infatuated with me. I wanted to like her. She was such a sweet girl, and I tried all sorts of Jedi mind-tricks to convince myself her and I maybe could work out. But it wasn’t meant to be. She ended up telling me that she was in love with me while we were out bowling with some friends a year or so later. What do you do in that situation? It was so weird because I couldn’t give her a decent reason as to why I didn’t like her. She was fucking gorgeous! And being rejected by me crushed her confidence. To this day I haven’t forgiven myself. One day I will make it up to her. That sweet angel. I hope she finds what she’s looking for. Nobody will be happier for her than me. “Sara, how could you have known? Literally ANY other guy would have jizzed his pants to have had a friend like you. Do you know how jealous the guys were of me? The fact that I had the baddest bitch in school hooking me up with hotties left and right? Much of my reputation stems from you. Don’t forget that, babe.” She nodded, “So is that everything? Is that what’s been bothering you?” To tell the truth or not to tell the truth… “That’s not all of it, but it’s the most important part. There’s more… I… I like someone, but I don’t want to talk about it just yet, ok? Let me just figure this out for a few more weeks, and then I’ll get your input and all that.” I wasn’t ready for her crushing realism just yet. She isn’t much for bullshitting. I needed a bullshitter right now… A hype-man. Someone to tell me I was doing the right thing regardless of the truth. She wasn’t that person. She was too real for that. “Ok… I love you. You know that, right? You’re my brother. Always.” She said, her eyes just a touch watery. “I know baby girl. I love you too. Me and you are in it for the long haul babe.” I said, smiling. “And if you need a surrogate, you know who to call.” She said with a growing smile. “Shit, Sara. Can you imagine how crazy our kid would be? They would be the nuttiest, brattiest kid in the world! But so fucking adorable.” I said smiling. Our kids really would have been the cutest kids ever. Sara’s tan is even richer and darker than mine. Beautiful bronze skin, and dark brown hair. A smile to die for. “Well, if you ever decide to do it, just understand that we’ll be doing that shit the old fashioned way. None of this test tube bullshit. Got it?” “For sure babe. I’ll give you a pounding you’ll never forget.” I said. We both laughed. “Excellent. Alright. Call me for anything ok?” She said, her voice suddenly serious. “I will.” That day went just about how I expected it to - minus the part where Sara thought she had sex trafficked me. I felt relieved. I just hope Devan takes it as well as this. *** Sitting in fourth period, I couldn’t help but feel nervous excitement building up inside me. It was Wednesday. Today was the day. The chess club was having their first meeting of the school year at 3:30 pm, today. Right after school. And I was going to be there. I was hella nervous. I didn’t know if I’d be the weakest player there, or average, or what. I knew I wouldn’t be anywhere near the top of the pack - like Oliver is. But after thinking about it, I really didn’t care all that much about whether the other guys in that club thought I was anything special. I had already met Oliver. He was the reason I was going in the first place, and he knew where my skill level was. So most of the battle was already over. I needed to take a chill pill. Freaking out every time I saw Oliver was not only going to annoy him, it was going to annoy me. I’m not that awkward. Well, I’m not usually as awkward as I have been around Oliver, at least… I’m actually pretty cool most of the time, and have a good amount of friends… AND I’m older than him by a whole year! Why would I be intimidated by him? I can’t keep freezing up like that. I’m going to be myself… I’m funny. He’ll like me. Gay or not, he seems to like me as a person. So I’m going to work with what I’ve got. The bell rang. I gathered my books, and walked out of class towards my locker. After unloading my stuff, I headed off to the library, which the chess club had reserved for the afternoon. I arrived at the library at 3:40 pm. There were about 25 students there. About 5 feet in front of the main entrance to the library, a small table had been setup where Mr. Mills and some guy I didn’t know were seated. The guy sitting beside Mr. Mills looked my age, and I was a bit surprised by how attractive he was. He had thick black hair and deep ocean-blue eyes. A beautiful, straight nose, and soft yet masculine features. His lips were full, cherry-red. In short: he was hot. There were notepads in front of them, along with a laptop sitting on Mr. Mills’ side of the table. “Welcome to Halverton Chess Club!” Mr. Mills said with a smile, while the other guy stared at me with a blank expression. I couldn’t tell if he was evaluating me or if he was just looking at me while thinking about something else. Perhaps he was just lost in his own thoughts. I looked around. No Ollie. “Thanks, Mr. Mills. I’m Ian. Looking forward to playing today.” I said, nodding at the boy sitting at the table. The boy didn’t acknowledge my gesture at all, but continued to look at me. “Sound’s great! Let’s see… Ian…” Mr. Mills said, as he rustled a few papers. From where I was standing, they looked like charts of some kind. Mr. Mills continued, “I think we’ll pair you up with Alan today.” My heart sank. What about Ollie? I was supposed to play with Ollie… The door behind me opened and closed. I was too busy feeling sorry for myself to pay much attention to it. “Hey, Oliver!” The boy at the desk shouted. His demeanor had shifted: A complete 180, in fact. He was smiling now. He didn’t look like the same guy I saw 30 seconds ago… He was luminescent. His eyes were alive and vibrant. Despite my new resolve to remain calm around Oliver, my heart skipped a little, knowing he was standing right behind me. But I hid it well. “Hello, Trevor.” Oliver responded. He didn’t sound at all enthusiastic. Oddly formal-sounding. I just stood there facing forward. A second later Oliver shoulder-bumped me, “Hey…” He said softly. As I turned around he gave me a friendly smile and I returned it. “Hey dude.” I said. You’re doing good Ian. This is the way to do it. Keep doing it like this. “We still on for that game today?” Oliver asked. His forehead wrinkled as he asked me. His face sincere. His hazel eyes gazing into mine. “For sure, du-” “Oliver! Why are you standing over there? Come on, let’s me and you pair up today!” The boy from the table again. He was standing up and motioning for Oliver to follow him. This guy has no fucking manners. We were talking, NUMB-NUTS! Oliver looked over at him. His smile faded. The light in his eyes dimmed. “I promised Ian that I would play some games with him today. Maybe some other time.” He said. His voice was deeper than normal - forceful. If looks could kill… After Ollie’s response, Trevor gave me the dirtiest, most detesting look I’d seen directed at me in a long time. What the hell is HIS problem? I literally have never seen you before dude… You cannot hate someone you don’t know! “Actually, Ian has to play with Alan Jacobs today. Coach Mills already arranged it. Come on, I’ll get us a table over in the back. I brought Kasparov’s new memoir! We can go through it together.” Trevor responded. Not looking at me. His eyes were pleading. He reminded me of an awkward kid begging one of the cool kids to play with him. Oliver didn’t respond. He looked over at Mr. Mills, who was busy typing away on his laptop, and said, “Mr. Mills, I’d like to pair with Ian today, if that’s alright with you.” Mills Looked up at us over the top of his glasses. Carrying a look of mild surprise. I guessed that Ollie didn’t request new partners often. After a second of hesitation, Mr. Mills responded, “Of course… Do as you please.” He went right back to poking his keyboard with his long forefingers. Trevor, with a disgusted shake of his head and a grimace on his face, pulled the chair back out from the table he was originally sitting at, making a bit of a show of it. He then sat down with a loud, unnecessary thud, startling Mr. Mills, who after a quick glance in Trevor’s direction resumed poking his keyboard. There were so many things to dissect about this situation… I didn’t know where to start. Trev seemed to want Oliver to himself, but why? And what was with his attitude? And what was with Oliver’s attitude towards Trevor? Something was going on there and I had no idea what. I did know one thing for sure, however: Trevor and I were NOT likely to become best buds anytime soon. Well, this is a lot more interesting than I expected. Leaning close to me, Oliver, in a soft voice, said, “Come on. Let’s go to the back. I brought my board and pieces, so we’re all set.” Trevor stared at us. Brooding. Before following Oliver over to OUR table, I couldn’t resist giving Trevor an arrogant smile. I didn’t like him, and I wanted to rub his face in the fact that I got to spend one-on-one time with Oliver and he didn’t. I guess Oliver is super popular in this club. That would explain Trevor’s behavior, at least. I guess it makes sense, considering how skilled a player Ollie is. I wonder if… Stop it. You’re projecting. He just wants to learn from Oliver, that’s all. Stop imagining things. Before setting up Ollie’s chess set, he introduced me to a few people in the club. To my surprise, very few of the people looked - or acted - like prototypical nerds. There were even a couple girls in the club. Some kids had already started playing their games. It wasn’t a formal tournament, so there were people standing around on the sides of the room talking about chess news, it sounded like to me. I hadn’t known such a thing existed! Something to do with a ‘world-champion’ named Magnus something or other. Oliver and I sat down, away from most of the commotion, and set up our board. “Ok, since you’re still somewhat new to the game, why don’t we do this.” Oliver said, as he picked up his queen and placed it on the table to the side. He continued, “Now, I’ll play without my queen right from the start. That’ll be the handicap. You get to keep your queen, and that way the game should be pretty even. If we need to adjust the handicap later we will. Sound good?” “Yeah, that sounds gr-” SCREEEECH. I looked over and… You guessed it. Trevor. He had pulled the chair out from under the table adjacent to ours, scraping it against the cheap linoleum floor. He then dropped a couple books on his table with a hard thump, and started laying out his chess set. Of all the tables he could have chosen, he chooses the one right beside us!? What a weirdo… Oliver looked really pissed now. After a deep inhale through his nose - one that screamed frustration - Oliver asked “What are you doing, Trevor?” his voice was sharp, intimidating. His eyes were ice. “What do you mean? I’m about to go through some of the games from Kasparov’s memoir.” Trevor’s face effused defiance. He struck me as very childlike in that moment, throwing a thinly-veiled tantrum, for reasons I still didn’t understand. Oliver’s face was getting redder by the minute, and I was starting to get uncomfortable… I couldn’t even focus on being nervous around Oliver at that point, since Trevor was acting so goddamn weird. Oliver’s knuckles were white as he clenched the sides of the table. There was so much tension, in fact, that I was beginning to wonder if this stand-off was about to get physical. You lay so much as a goddamn finger on my Ollie and I’ll take your fucking arm… Touch my baby and you’ll meet Jesus, bitch. THAT, I guarantee. Oliver let out an exasperated breath and looked at me with a defeated expression. All I wanted to do was hug him. To take him in my arms and cradle him. Lean him into my chest and play with his hair, telling him it was ok. Everything would be ok, baby. I didn’t know what was going on, but I couldn’t help wanting to soothe away that sad look. “Ian, you know what… I could really use a coffee. What do you say you and I take the board and head over to that coffee shop just down the street? You ever been to Summer Moon off of Burnett? We can play there, if you want.” Hearing that almost made me cum. I was elated. Overjoyed. On cloud-9. But I didn’t for the life of me show it. “Yeah, Sure… I love that place. I could really use a pick-me-up too.” I responded. It took every ounce of self-control to hide my excitement. I went from hating Trevor, to loving him beyond words. It was his psychopathy that made this scenario possible in the first place. Trev, you’re the best buddy! I fucking love you man. Great guy, that Trevor. Great Guy. Such a standup guy! Trevor’s face was nearing a deep magenta, as Oliver and I packed up and started for the library exit. I was certain I had died and gone to heaven. Just keep doing what you’re doing… Just… Be yourself. The rest will take care of itself. There are two student parking lots at Halverton. One for Seniors and one for everyone else. They were on different sides of the building. As we were approaching the student parking lots, I decided to take a chance. “Hey, um… You wanna ride together? I can drive, if you want. I mean, that is unless you have to go somewhere right after.” I hadn’t looked at him at any point during my question. I was staring straight ahead as we walked, afraid what his face would tell me. Oliver hesitated for just a second. The longest, most agonizing second of my entire life. “I guess that’s ok, as long as it’s not any trouble.” He responded. Oh, it’s no trouble my beautiful Ollie! I’d carry you there on my back if that’s what you wanted… There you go! Taking control up in this bitch!! This is great! We walked over to my green 2006 Chevy Malibu… I had always hated that shade of green. In certain lighting it looked brownish, like vomit. But I wasn’t exactly given a choice in the matter. We got in, buckled up, and we were off. “I’m sorry about what happened back there. I didn’t know Trevor was coming. He doesn’t normally go.” Ollie said, looking at me. I didn’t dare look back at him. One sight of his sincere, beautiful face and I’d drive us off a bridge. In Austin, you keep your eyes on the DAMN road. None of this looking over here or looking over there… None of this ‘Oh, that’s pretty’… No. These mofos are crazy. In this city, you have to ask yourself ‘what is the LEAST likely thing the person driving in front of me would do?’ Then you prepare for that very thing! Trust me. I’ve lived here all my life. “Yeah, he was being really weird.” I said followed by a nervous chuckle. I wasn’t sure whether I should ask about today’s events directly. I was really hoping he’d tell me unprompted. He didn’t. It was way too quiet for me. I needed at least something playing in the background. So, trying to ease the deafening silence, I said, “You can turn on some music if you want. Not sure what you listen to, but I like pretty much everything.” “Cool.” He responded. He turned on the radio, clicking through my programmed presets. He clicked on preset number 3, and the car stereo roared to life… “Thank you for tuning into Pride 97.5! Austin’s one and only LGBTQ radio station! Radio FOR us… BY us.” FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!! WHY DID I SAVE THAT GODDAMN STATION? Oh fuck, I can’t breathe. Shit, I think I’m having a panic attack. Oh shit, my chest hurts… Breathe, Ian. Come up with something.. For Christ sake say something!!!! “I uh… I’m not… I like their… They play cool music sometimes!” I said, horrified. Despite my reservations, I glanced in his direction. He was just looking at me, mouth slightly open, not hanging open in an obvious way, just a tiny gap between his beautiful, pink lips. His right eyebrow was just a tiny bit higher than his left. He was thinking - analyzing. Well, what’s done is done. He’ll think whatever he thinks. I just hope he doesn’t hate gay people… I mean, come on… It’s 2019… AND we live in Austin, which is the San Francisco of Texas… He’s PROBABLY fine… Oh shit… I hope he’s fine. He didn’t say a word. NOT A WORD! He just looked ahead, reached for the radio again, and started scrolling through the other stations. My heart was still racing. I could barely think about driving… Just playing it over and over and over and over again… Analyzing… Continuing to pick apart my memory of his facial expression, looking for… Anything. Anything that would tell me what he thought about what had just happened. I came up blank. We finally arrived at Summer Moon. I didn’t know what to say or do. Maybe I should just act like it never happened… Yeah, that’s the best way to deal with it. Ignore it, and hope he forgets about it. “We haaaaave arrived!” I said, wearing a forced smile. He took off his seat-belt, opened his door, and got out. Not looking at me once. And started towards the coffeeshop without me. I was afraid to mention anything about what had just transpired. I felt like if I asked him if he was okay, then I’d be confirming that I was what he had suspected. I couldn’t do that. I’d just have to deal with it. I got out of the car and started towards the coffee shop as he stood facing me on the sidewalk, beside the shop’s entrance. Still looking at me. His face was a tabula rasa. I passed him, and walked through the door. He followed suit behind me. After entering, we got in line. This is so fucking awkward. It’s killing me. Why is he being such a freak? It’s a goddamn radio station for christ sake! BIG DEAL! I felt someone lean in, just behind my right ear. A soft, husky whisper enveloped the side of my neck, “The Full Moon is really good here. But only get a medium, the large will give you diabetic shock.” Oliver. His left hand had snaked between my right arm and my ribs, cupping my right bicep. His fingers just under the sleeve of my t-shirt, pulling me a little to my right, closer towards him as he spoke. A shiver shot down my spine like bolt of lightning. I felt what he’d said more than I heard it. His breath vibrating on my neck. His lips inches from my ear. His touch was fire. My skin, blazing… Consumed. His hand was on me only as long as he spoke. But it felt like it never left. The spot was still burning… His hand gone. The feeling of him still on me… Burned into my consciousness. That action shot my mood up to the outer-stratosphere. The room was shinier. The people were prettier. The smells were sweeter. Time had slowed to a snails-pace for just those seconds of his touch. I had never known it was possible to feel that level of euphoria. I was intoxicated. And I wanted more. So, so much more. I’m hard. I’m standing in line at the fucking coffee shop and I’m hard as steel! I used my pocket to position my boner to a less conspicuous position. We ordered our drinks and waited by the bar to pick them up. Why did he touch me? Hell, why did he lean in so close to me? Is he trying to tell me something? It’s not like we need to whisper while standing in line to order a goddamn coffee… So then why the hell did he do it? Fuck… I’ve NEVER been more turned on. If he told me to get on my knees right here, right now I’m not sure I’d say no. I hope he’s trying to tell me something… That thought made my legs shake. In the middle of the coffee shop my legs were shaking like a dog fresh out of a bath. I realized something in that moment… Where Oliver is concerned: I’m powerless. His touch stops my world dead in its tracks. Everything fades into the distance the very second I feel his hands on me. His touch is heroin in my veins. Shooting pleasure through every nerve in my being. And yet, I had no idea what he thought about what’d happened in the car. He was like an Egyptian Hieroglyph. I couldn’t read him. Not even a little. I mean, judging by his recent actions, he was - I supposed - fine with it. But what was ‘it’? Did he think I was gay? Did he think I was cool with gay people? Was he cool with gay people? Was he gay? Which the fuck was it? And what was the touching about? I wondered if maybe that’s just how he is. Maybe he grew up in a touchy family or something. My cousins are like that. They will just snuggle up to me like it’s the most normal thing in the world. Both the boys and the girls in my family do it. Hell, my male cousins would even snuggle up with me whenever we shared a bed - to this day even - and never think anything of it. But… Him and I aren’t family. He didn’t touch me like that in the library. There were lots of opportunities for him to do so, and he didn’t… I was so confused! *** We sat at a table by the window, and for the next hour and a half, tried to find a good handicap that would work for both us. We settled on him playing without his queen and one rook. That seemed to be around the point where he and I were evenly matched. We were having a blast… I was soaring. “Ok, so you’ve got to castle early, Ian… You can’t leave your king exposed. Remember, he’s your most important piece. Everything else you plan on doing can wait until you’ve got him situated, ok?” I nodded. Dazed. Hearing him say my name was electrifying. Oliver’s face was packed with sincerity. His forehead wrinkled as he spoke. His head tilted. It was clear just how much he liked teaching… I hoped it was that he liked teaching me, in particular, but I wasn’t going to get presumptuous. *** After packing up the board and pieces, we got in the car and started back towards the school. I was still floating. I couldn’t stop smiling. I just had to make sure that I didn’t smile at HIM too much. I didn’t want to scare him off, not from being my friend or from being - maybe - more. We arrived back at the school. I drove up to where his car was parked, and stopped. “Well, I had a great time, dude! I really appreciate all the help you gave me. I haven’t had that much fun in a while… We should… Uh, do this again sometime!” I said. He didn’t answer. I saw him reaching for something in his pocket. He pulled out his iPhone and unlocked it. After pressing a few buttons he handed the phone to me. He had ‘Add New Contact’ opened, and ‘Ian’ already entered into the name field. This CANNOT be happening! He wants my number! Thank you God… Oh Jesus… Remain calm, Ian. Just play it cool. My soul rejoiced. My cock gave a standing ovation. I quickly entered my number in the field and handed the phone back to him. My smile unstoppable. My hands shaking. I didn’t know what that gesture meant… Not completely. But it was a step in the right direction! Holy fuck, was it a step in the right direction! Ollie has my number! Oh my god! He’s going to text me or something… Fucking A! *** That night, I sat in my room contemplating the day - minute by minute. Playing it over and over. Trying to make sense of it. I went from thinking that he was just being friendly to thinking he was completely in love with me - and back again - throughout the evening. I wrote a list of all the things I noticed that he had done earlier that day. The way he looked at me. The way he smiled. Things that would indicate he liked me. Things that indicated he didn’t. I couldn’t think about anything else. Nothing else existed to me. Nothing else mattered. As much as I hate to admit it, I watched YouTube video after YouTube video with titles like ’10 Ways To Tell If a Guy Likes You’ or ‘5 Signs That Your Friend is Gay’. I had fallen through that trap door. It was dangerous. I knew that, but I couldn’t help myself. I needed him. And I hoped that - one day - he’d need me too. Then, out of nowhere, came a thought that stopped my little party, cold. What if I turned out to be HIS Danielle? She thought there was something more between us, and she’d even been physical with me quite a few times. If anyone should have been able to see the truth it was her, but she only saw what she wanted to see. My deceit sure didn’t help things, I admit. But still. What if I was doing the same thing with Oliver? I felt sick. My face drooping, lifeless. I was so twisted between extremes… Every ounce of energy had been sucked out of me. I couldn’t make sense of anything. And now I had all these conflicted feelings about my own ‘relationship’ with Oliver. If this is what ‘love’ feels like, then no fucking thank you. This sucks ass. Dirty ass, at that. Just then my phone beeped. I slowly, and without any enthusiasm, picked it up. My spirits lifted. It was a number I didn’t recognize. Maybe it was Ollie. ‘hey. it’s oliver.. was thinking of havin sum guys from the club over on fri… we will prob just play chess, mayb play sum smash bros, we’ll prob order pizza too. u interested?’ AM I INTERESTED? UMMMM… FUCK YES? Me: ‘yea, i’m def interested man. sounds fun!’ Ollie: ‘k, i’ll txt u my address..’ It was hard to stay in a bad mood after that. Ollie was bringing me into his friend group. That meant he either considered me a friend, or - I hoped - he was introducing me to his friends because he wanted me in his life… I wish he had invited just me… But I’ll take what I can get. I just hope I’m not making a huge mistake… But… He touched me. That touch meant something. Oh God I hope it meant something to him, because it meant everything to me. I want to believe. I need to. I just pray that I don’t get hurt. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  14. chessdude


    Let’s just say Ian won’t be too pleased with how he acted during his first meeting with Oliver :-) I suspect he will be analyzing his behavior very critically in the future!
  15. chessdude


    Ian definitely has some serious angst with everything pertaining to Oliver. My thoughts are that he's never really had this experience before. Despite being 17, he's never gone after a boy (or a girl) before... So he's in some ways in an arrested development of sorts. Hopefully as he gets more comfortable around Oliver, he can start to relax and be himself... Time will tell!
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