A Knight To Remember - 9. Blockade

Ollie won $2,300 bucks!

He came in second place behind GM Igor Morozevich!

I finished out the tournament with 2.5 out of 5. Ollie tells me that that’s a great result. In a couple days I’ll be able to check my rating online at the USCF website! I’m official!

Ian Ferri, tournament chess player extraordinaire…

Shit… Maybe I should get some business cards printed.

It was Monday evening and I was sitting in my room doing some makeup work for the fourth period class I missed last Friday.

I was just getting into the groove when I heard a stampede plowing up the stairs…

The door to my room swung open.

“Sara? Devan? What the hell?” I asked, startled.

“We’re here for your intervention.” Sara said, taking off her backpack.

“Uh… What?” I asked.

“Bro, you’ve been MIA for like three weeks now. You’re slow to respond to texts. You haven’t hung out with us hardly at all. The fuck, dude?” Devan asked, plopping down on my piano chair.

“About that…” I started.

“And don’t give us any bullshit about being ‘overwhelmed’…” Sara said, dropping onto my bed.

These two act like they live here!

Shit!

What do I say?

“I’m sorry guys. Seriously. I’ve been… Distracted.” I said, looking at my desk.

“Distracted by what?” Devan asked.

“You STILL haven’t told him!?” Sara asked, exasperated.

“Told me what?” Devan asked, looking confused.

Thanks Sara, great timing.

My mind went into overdrive. I wasn’t sure whether I should play the card Sara just handed me or put off this conversation for a few more weeks… Shit, I knew the longer I waited the madder he’d be that I hadn’t told him.

Fuck. Let me just get this over with. It’s better to tell him with Sara here anyway.

“Devan… There’s… Uh… Something I’ve been meaning to tell you.”

Sara stood back up, “And if you get pissed off or pitch a fit, I’ll rip your balls off and keep them as a souvenir. Got it?”

She was giving him the eyes of death. I’d hate to be on her bad side… That bitch is ruthless. And Devan knew it.

“Okay. Okay. Jesus… So what is it? You a father or something?” He said, with a smile.

“Promise you won’t tell anyone what I’m about to say.” I said, barely able to look at him.

“Bro… Do you know who you’re talking to? When the fuck have I ever gone behind your back and said anything?” He asked, offended.

“JUST MAKE THE DAMN PROMISE!” Sara shouted.

She looked like a tiger waiting in the grass, ready to pounce should the situation require it.

God I love her. Both Devan and I did. She’s such a fiery bitch. There’s something so sexy about a hot girl with balls the size of an elephant.

“Jesus Fucking Christ. I promise not to say anything. Someone hand this bitch a Xanax.” He said.

“It’ll take a whole bottle of Xanax to pry me off your ass if you don’t straighten the fuck up.” She said, sitting back on the bed.

I burst out laughing… I couldn’t help it. I forgot how much I missed these two. Devan was giggling despite how pissed off he probably was at her.

Devan’s giggles always make me laugh harder. He has this adorable high pitched giggle that he does sometimes. It’s almost cartoonish. And my laughing makes him giggle more.

But the gravity of the situation brought me back to reality.

“Okay… I’m just gonna say it. Here goes…”

My heart was pounding in my ears. I really didn’t know what to expect. I’d heard Devan call things ‘gay’ before. He’d never really said much about gay people… I was pretty sure he wouldn’t freak, but I wasn’t positive.

“I’m… Shit… I’m… Goddamnit… I’m…. g-gay.” I stuttered out.

He sat there. Looking at me.

He looked at Sara.

She was staring him down. Her brow furrowed.

He looked back at me.

“You’re… You are?” He asked, his head tilted.

“Yeah.” I said, looking at the wall.

“How long have you been like that?” He asked.

“His whole life, dipshit.” Sara interjected.

“I mean… How long have you known?”

“Um… Probably since I was in third grade or so… I… Uh… Had crushes on boys and stuff starting around then…” I said, unable to maintain eye-contact with him.

He stood up.

He’s going to leave. Fuck, I knew I should’ve waited. I fucking KNEW it.

He walked towards me.

Shit.

Is he gonna hit me?

Sara jumped up from the bed with her fists clinched.

Before she could get to me he had pulled me out of my computer chair and into a tight hug.

Then the waterworks started. I fucking burst into tears.

I didn’t expect that to happen. But it did. I was so much more relieved than I thought I’d be.

I didn’t realize until he hugged me how much I wanted his approval. How much I cared about what his opinion of me was.

“I love you, bro. You know that. This doesn’t change anything.” He said.

I nodded against his shoulder.

I gained my composure as quickly as I could. God, Sara was right. She told me he’d handle it well and he did.

What a relief.

Later that evening we were all sitting on my floor, Devan playing 20 questions regarding my gayness.

“So like, when you see a dick… You wanna suck it?” He asked, his face contemplative.

Sara rolled her eyes as she scrolled through her Instagram. She had checked out of this conversation a while ago.

“Um… Not really. I don’t wanna suck every dick I see, dude. It’s about more than just dicks anyway.” I said, being patient with him.

“Hmmm…” He was evaluating my answers like I was giving him deep insight into the universe.

“Ok, so on a scale from one to ten how hot am I?” He asked.

I fell on my back laughing. Sara looked up at him with a disgusted expression.

“What?” He asked.

“I’m…” I caught my breath, “I’m not answering that… You’re like a brother to me. I don’t think about you like that.”

He gave me the most offended look ever.

“What the fuck? You’re saying I’m not hot or something?”

I laughed even harder.

Sara was looking at him like he’d just shot the pope. Her mouth open. Giving him the most disdainful look I’d ever seen.

It only made me laugh harder.

“Oh ma god… Stop! I can’t take it… You’re a great looking guy, Dev. Don’t go getting a complex over it.” I said, staring at the ceiling.

Sara chimed in, “Only you could make someone ELSE’S coming out story about YOU.”

I went into another laughing fit.

“I was just curious.” Devan shrugged, giggling.

Sara sat up straight, “Ok. What about the guy you like? Is that why you’ve been so reclusive lately?”

“I’m… Still working on that. But yeah, that’s been what’s taking up most of my time. I’m sorry about all that. I’m gonna be better about juggling everything from now on.”

“Wait a minute…” Devan looked like he’d just put two and two together, which for him was rare, “Is it that guy that was here? That day you hurt your back… That’s gotta be him!”

Sara perked right up, “Oh my God. Who was it?”

“Devan STOP. It’s not him. It’s another guy. That was just a friend I met at the chess club.”

FUCK.

I could tell neither of them believed me. But I had to stick with this lie. I swore to Ollie I would never tell. And that means even the people I’m closest to.

“Suuuuuuuuure.” Devan said.

Sara could barely hold herself back. I could tell. She wanted to bug me about it. But knew better.

“When the time is right I’ll tell you guys. But right now I can’t, ok? I can’t.” I said.

Eventually we moved onto other topics.

“I’m having a Halloween party Saturday. And you’re going. So get a costume.” Sara said.

“I might bring a friend.” I said.

Fuck, this was so obvious.

“A… Friend?” Sara asked, a wicked smile on her face.

“Yes. FRIEND.”

Fuck!

“Yeah, Sara. It’ll be nice to meet his… FRIEND.” Devan said, in an exaggerated tone.

“I love meeting FRIENDS…” She said, with a smile.

“STOP IT!” I shouted, both of them giggling at me.

I continued, “It’s not him! I’m gonna bring my friend from the chess club. His name’s Oliver. He’s a cool guy. You guys will like him. And he’s NOT gay. And it’s NOT him. So don’t be pretending like it is. He doesn’t know I’m like that. So don’t fucking hint around.”

That’s better. Hopefully that’ll sow enough doubt in their minds. Hopefully…

    ***

“My friend Sara Snider is having a Halloween party on Saturday… I want you to come with me.” I said, giving Ollie my puppy-dog eyes.

It was Thursday, and I had just picked him up from Mobile Storage Plus off of Burnett, where he and his dad had been cleaning out their storage unit in preparation for their upcoming yard sale. We were heading to my place to spend the evening.

“But… I don’t even know her. I mean, I know of her. But I don’t know her personally.” Ollie responded.

“Well, I do. She’s one of my best friends. And my friends are her friends. Come on, dude… Say yes.”

“I guess…”

“YES! It’ll be so fun!” I said, bouncing in my seat.

“Is the guy who tried to kill me gonna be there?” He asked, with a smirk.

“Who? Devan? Yeah, definitely. He’s a great guy. He’s the most loyal friend on earth. Just give him a chance.” I said.

“You know we can’t be like… Acting any kind of way right?” He said, with a serious expression. “You haven’t told them anything, have you?”

“Of course not… Dude, seriously? I would never do that. Besides, I don’t even know what we are… Do enlighten me.” I said.

He didn’t respond. Per usual.

We arrived at my house and walked in.

“Uh, my mom has a new rule about shoes. We have to leave them at the door.” I said, quietly, trying to sound nonchalant.

There was no rule, ok?

I just wanted his shoes off.

Stop judging me!

“My feet are killing me anyway, I’ve been moving furniture all fuckin’ day.” He said, a little too loudly, while taking off his checkered vans.

“Language!” I heard my mom shout from the kitchen.

Nosey. As. Hell.

Doesn’t she have anything better to do than spy on people?

“Sorry, Mrs. Ferri.” Ollie said, subdued.

“He said ‘freakin’ mom… Stop making up stuff!”

She walked into the entryway pulling a face but it softened as soon as she recognized him.

“Oliver! It’s good to see you. Are you staying for dinner?”

Golden boy can do no wrong apparently. I guess I should be happy about that.

“Um… I’d… Do you mind, Ian?” Ollie asked.

The fuck kind of theatrical display is this? Do I mind? Someone hand this guy an Emmy.

“Sure, I’m cool with that.” I said, keeping it chill.

“Wonderful! Dinner should be ready in about an hour… Don’t spoil your appetites! We’re having Nona Leda’s Lasagna.”

“Nice! You like Italian food, Oliver?” I asked, worried.

“I love it.”

Whew… Dinner was guaranteed to be a slam dunk then… My Nona’s recipes are the best. Real Italian cooking.

Leda is my dad’s mom. We call her Nona. Calling her ‘grandma’ will get you a slap upside the head. She does NOT answer to that word. We aren’t allowed to even use that word around her. She’s old-school Italian, with a thick, rich Italian accent - which happens to be one of my favorite things about her.

I have so many memories of her screaming at me in Italian… Usually for leaving the lights on after leaving a room… Good times… You have to understand, Italians show love through loud screaming. It’s just something you learn to love. It makes family gatherings strangely endearing. I used to just wait for someone to piss Nona off. My dad has three brothers, all of who have kids. So family gatherings are a major event… It usually takes less than thirty minutes for her to go off on someone. Causing the rest of us to basically point and laugh at whoever pissed her off.

Gotta love Italian women…

Ollie and I headed up to my room.

“Whoa… You have a couch in here now!?” Ollie said, looking astonished.

“Yeah man. It’s the one from downstairs. My parents got a new one.”

My parents had bought a new couch two days ago, and I had convinced them to let me put the old one in my room…

You see, my room was massive. It used to be our upstairs game room, but nobody ever used it… Well, when I was 14 or so, Nona Leda was watching me while my parents were on their anniversary trip. I loved it when she watched me because she never cared which movies I rented. American Beauty? No problem. American Pie Unrated Cut? Add it to the stack. She didn’t give a fuck.

Back to the point I was making… I decided to just move all my shit into the game room while my parents were out of town. I called Devan and together we moved my stuff in there while Nona was downstairs playing Solitaire on the computer. That was like her favorite thing to do at the time. She was OBSESSED with Solitaire. Borderline OCD-level obsessed.

When my parents got back it took them three weeks to notice that I had taken over that room. They instructed me to get my things out of there and that I couldn’t just move into any room in the house.

That was three years ago.

We’ve never really talked about it since.

So I now had a full-sized couch in my room. It was basically a little apartment up there. Minus a kitchen or a bathroom. My bathroom was next door though… Nobody used it but me, because, as I’ve said before, my parents pretty much never went upstairs. Their bedroom was on the ground-floor. Upstairs was all mine.

Ollie and I were both stretched out on the couch, our feet resting on a makeshift coffee table I had harvested from my mom’s sewing room.

“How was the workday with your dad?” I asked.

“Horrible. I fucking hate spending time with him.” He said.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Not particularly… Damn, my back hurts. My feet hurt. Everything hurts.” He said, stretching out on the couch.

“Um… Rest your feet on my lap. I… Uh… I can… give you a foot rub…” I said, trying not to sound too eager.

“Dude, no. I’ve been wearing shoes all day… My feet are gross right now.” He said, in a firm tone.

Why am I not grossed out by that?

Why do I still want to do it?

Shit, I want to do it even more now…

God, it’s true… I’m one of those freaks!

Wait…

Liking feet can’t be worse than sticking your tongue up someone’s ass… I mean, come on… Everybody’s ok with that! Oh, you eat ass? Right on, bro!

But if you like feet, all the sudden you’re some kind of weirdo?? Some sort of perverted freak??

Fuck that!

I’m NOT weird. I’m NOT a freak.

I’m not, right?

I like HIS feet… I don’t like just anybody’s feet. I like HIS feet.

Even his smelly feet, ok?

Wanna judge me? Go ahead. I’m over it.

“Ian?” Ollie asked, pulling me out of my trance.

“Uh, yeah?” I said, trying to sound normal.

“You’ve been staring at my feet for like two minutes now.”

“Uh… I… Wha…. Have NOT!” I said, flustered.

He was looking at me. Analyzing.

“I don’t know what you’re trying to say.” I said, a little too quickly.

“Oh my God.” He said.

Oh fuck.

No.

No. No. NO. NO. NO! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

“I don’t know what you’re implying. And I don’t appreciate it.” I said, getting even more defensive.

“Oh my God.” He said again.

“Don’t you DARE accuse me of that!” I said, my leg bouncing, sweat forming on my forehead.

“Oh. My. God.”

I was about to have a panic attack. Shit. I couldn’t tell if he was going to make fun of me or freak out or what.

“Fine! Call me a freak! It’s what you’re thinking. Tell me I’m disgusting. Just stop doing whatever it is you’re doing, ok? There’s nothing you can say to me that I haven’t said to myself… So just fucking say it.” I said, very agitated.

My reaction startled him, and I immediately felt horrible for snapping. But I was super sensitive about that issue! How was I supposed to react? Especially not knowing what he really thought about the whole thing.

I was looking forward. I was almost to the point of tears. I was that mad. He didn’t have to be such an asshole about such a sensitive subject!

I’m just some big joke to him. Some kind of amusing fool. That’s what I am. A circus animal. Something to be dissected and analyzed… An alien.

I was getting myself madder and madder just sitting there waiting for him to say something.

I leaned forward and covered my face with my hands, trying to hide how upset I was. Trying to forget what had just happened. Wondering why I couldn’t lie to him as easily as I could lie to my parents. Why he could see past the walls I thought were so impenetrable.

I felt exposed in the worst way possible.

“I need to use the restroom.” I said.

I got up from the couch and left the room.

I couldn’t handle the tension. I wasn’t sure if that could have gone any worse than it did. What the hell was he thinking about for so long? God for such a quick thinker he sure takes his time when it matters…

I turned on the bathroom fan and locked the door, sitting on the toilet.

I hated this!

I wanted to have a fun night. I didn’t want all this awkward tension between us.

“DINNER’S READY!!” I heard from downstairs.

Great.

Now we have to go down there with this hanging over everything.

I opened the door to the bathroom and almost bumped into Ollie. He was standing there with a solemn look on his face.

I pushed everything I was feeling down… Deep down. I didn’t want him to be uncomfortable. I was still upset. But I wasn’t going to make dinner awkward over it.

“Come on. Let’s eat.” I said.

I started walking towards the stairs with Ollie following behind me.

We went downstairs and grabbed our plates. I noticed Ollie only took a modest amount of food, and knowing how hard he’d been working that day I knew he was hungrier than that.

“Dude, take more. That’s like a kid’s portion. I know you’re hungry.” I said, in a soft voice.

He smiled at me, and added significantly more food to his plate.

I wanted to be curt with him. I was still mad.

But I love him…

I just couldn’t be mean to him. Even though he embarrassed the shit out of me… Maybe I overreacted… Maybe he was just going to joke around? I guess now I’ll never know.

He and I sat next to each other and my parents sat across from us.

“So Oliver, I hear you’re a chess master… How long’ve you been playing, young man?” My dad said.

“I’ve been playing since I was five, sir. My grandpa taught me the game… And I guess I just took a liking to it.”

“He was one of the best players at the tournament… He’s ranked in the top 10 in the state.” I said, unable to keep from singing his praises.

“That’s impressive!” Mom said, “And thank you for teaching our son so much about the game. I’ve noticed a difference in him since he met you. He’s much more… Up beat.”

“He’s a great friend.” I said, taking a giant bite of Lasagna.

Ollie looked startled by what I said… I guess he thought that I was going to be cold during dinner. I wasn’t sure what it was. But he seemed to relax noticeably after that.

“Thanks… And this is the best lasagna I’ve ever tasted, Mrs. Ferri. It’s really amazing.” He said, with a smile.

“Thank you, dear. And drop this Mrs. stuff… Makes me feel old!” Mom said, and laughed.

Ollie smiled.

Dinner proceeded normally. It felt good having him with my family. During dinner I was playing out fantasies in my head… Not THOSE kind of fantasies. Like… Fantasies that he and I were married… That we did this all the time. I imagined that this was our normal Thursday ritual. We would come over and eat with my parents and then go back to our apartment and you know… Make passionate love all night.

At a certain point I was listening to my dad tell Ollie one those stories he’s told a thousand times, when I felt Ollie’s foot come to rest on mine, using his toes to rub against mine.

He was taking subtle glances at me while he did it… Still pretending to listen to my dad’s never ending story.

For once it seemed like he cared about my reaction to something.

I couldn’t help but smile.

He left his foot on mine the entire rest of the dinner.

That little gesture took me from pretending that everything was ok, to actually feeling like it would be.

After dinner we both went upstairs and sat on the couch.

“I’m sorry for snapping.” I said, looking at the carpet.

Ollie stood up, and walked in front of the coffee table, pulling it back, making space in front of me.

I just watched him.

He came and sat down Indian-style at my feet, and gently gripped my ankles, trying to pull them onto his lap.

My jaw was on the floor.

“Ollie… Stop.” I said, pulling my feet closer to the couch. I was insanely self-conscious at this point. My feet had been in shoes all day too!

He gripped my ankles harder. Not letting me pull away, using his strength to pull them back onto his lap.

I giggled, “Dude, what’re you doing?”

He tried to pull my sock off!

I was NOT having that. I didn’t want him getting grossed out trying to prove a point.

I yanked my feet away from him.

Again, he grabbed my ankles and pulled my feet back onto his lap. He gripped my foot so hard it almost hurt! He then used one hand to pull off my sock, while the other held onto my ankle like a vice.

The determination on his face made my chest feel like it was going to explode. He was looking at me with such authority that I stopped resisting altogether. I couldn’t even process what was going on.

There aren’t words in the English language to describe how charged I was.

He started gently massaging my foot. Looking at my face.

His facial expression screamed ‘I’m sorry’.

I was seeing stars.

“Ollie… Oh my God…”

He was alternating between the ball of my foot and the arch. Using his thumbs to send shockwaves through my entire body.

I’ll admit it, I had to keep myself from tearing up.

I want to say it was passion I saw in his eyes. I want to say that. But I was afraid to think it. I was afraid to be wrong. But I saw some sort of fire in his eyes. Something visceral.

He started on my other foot. Carefully working out all the tension that had built up from our previous altercation.

All I could think about was how much I loved him.

He wasn’t perfect.

He was bad at communicating his feelings.

He had control issues.

He was inexplicably uncomfortable with me initiating physical contact.

But I loved him.

Nonetheless.

After a few minutes I heard him say, “I’m sorry about earlier. I didn’t know you were… you know, sensitive about that.” His voice was soft.

“I’m sorry too.” I said, “I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions.”

“It’s cool. You wanna do mine now? Please?” He asked.

Had he only apologized and then asked me to rub his feet it would have been way too weird. I’d have felt like he was judging me or analyzing me while I did it. But that was before he gave ME a foot rub. He like… erased the awkwardness. He’s so fucking smart; it scares me. It’s like he knows me better than I know myself. Always several moves ahead of me.

“Sure.” I said, smiling.

He stood up and sat on the couch sideways, dropping his socked feet on my lap.

I was hard as a rock.

He noticed.

I heard him giggle as he rubbed his toes against my boner.

I looked over at him. He was was making the most mischievous face ever. Wriggling his eyebrows in an exaggerated way. It was so over the top that I couldn’t help but crack up.

Stop being so adorable!!!

“Don’t start something you can’t finish, big boy.” I said with a giggle, as I picked up his left foot and pulled off his sock.

He smirked, “In my experience you finish pretttttttty quickly.”

I gave him a mock offended look, “That was an extenuating circumstance!”

We both laughed.

I tried my best not to stare at his foot. I knew he was watching me. I kept my face controlled. I didn’t want to show how excited I was.

His toes were perfect. Just perfect.

I wanted to do other things. Other things with his feet. I… Kinda… Wanted to sm… Never mind. I had too much pride. Or shame… I wasn’t sure which.

I started using my thumbs, working deep into the ball of his foot.

“Whoa… That feels so good…” He said, as if surprised. He put his arms behind his head and laid back, looking at the ceiling.

“This is awesome…” He said, in a quiet voice.

I was relieved he wasn’t looking at me anymore. It meant I could just enjoy what I was doing without feeling like I was being analyzed. I couldn’t help but wonder if he sensed that it was best he not stare me down while I did this. His perceptiveness is just… unsettling, in a way.

For fifteen minutes I massaged his feet. From his toes to his heel. I left nothing untouched. He had even started moaning a little! It wasn’t like a sexual moan… More like a relief moan. But still! It was awesome!

After I’d finished, he lifted up his head, his eyes halfway closed, “Dude… You can do that anytime you want…”

I’d almost put him to sleep!

This was the first time he’d ever let me do ANYTHING physical to him. Like, sure… I’d hugged him, and we snuggled in the bed in Dallas. I’d kissed his neck a couple times… But he’d never let me actually, like… Make him feel good. Every time I tried he’d always freeze up.

I decided to go for broke.

“Take off your shirt and let me do your back.”

His eyes opened, “Seriously?”

“Yeah… It’ll keep you from getting as sore tomorrow. They do it in football. They massage their muscles to get out some chemical that makes you sore.”

He sat up and pulled off his shirt. His stomach muscles tense from holding up his upper body.

I got up as he turned on his stomach, laying length-wise on the couch.

This had been the trick the whole time! I just need to massage my way to his cock!

It’s brilliant!

I went and got some lotion out of my drawer. And no, it’s not my jerk-off lotion. It’s eucalyptus lotion, ok? My hands get dry in the winter. And I fucking love eucalyptus. Best smell on earth.

I squeezed some out and spread it around on my hands, trying to warm it up before touching his back.

I straddled his butt. God, this was the best idea ever! I wondered if he’d let me get away with a little dry humping… Fuck, He might just let me do it…

I reached down and spread the lotion around his shoulders. Working my thumbs deep into his traps.

“Whoooaa… That’s……. Awesome…..” He whispered.

My dick was in physical pain. That’s how hard I was.

I worked his back for twenty minutes… From his traps to his lats and back again. I worked his shoulders and upper arms.

I was entranced by his soft skin. How he glistened with the oils from the lotion. Feeling his muscles relax under my touch. Feeling him squirm when I’d hit a sensitive spot. Hearing his reactions to what I was doing.

A few times I kinda did push my dick into his butt… Like when I was doing his shoulders.

I couldn’t resist, ok? His ass was a lighthouse in a pitch black night. And I was a fly.

I was getting more and more fixated on his ass.

I wanted to touch it.

I needed to.

On a whim I decided to do the lowest part of his back, right above his ass.

I used my thumbs to slip under his boxer-briefs, pressing hard on the top muscles of his butt. Doing that slightly pulled his underwear down, revealing the top of his ass…

“Whoa…. Wait a sec.” Ollie said.

He pushed is ass into the air and reached his hands towards the button of his pants.

This can’t be happening…

Oh god please let this be what’s happening.

I heard the button pop and his zipper go down. He then pushed his underwear and pants down to his upper thighs. Revealing his ass in all its glory. And rested his body back on the couch.

I was speechless.

He was going to let me massage his ass? Are you fucking kidding me!?

I squeezed more lotion into my hands.

I gripped both his ass cheeks as he flexed them, revealing the dips in the sides of his butt cheeks.

What a fucking marvelous sight.

He turned his face sideways, giving me a huge smirk. He knew the power he had over me.

Little bastard!

I started massaging his right cheek.

“Ah…. That’s…. Nice…” He whispered.

I could feel his butt muscles tense and relax under my fingers.

His ass was as smooth as velvet… Perfectly smooth, apart from that beautiful hairy butt crack… I wanted to spread his ass cheeks so bad… Just to take a peek… But I knew I’d never live it down. He would have a field day if I did that…

My hands were aching. My forearms burning. But I wasn’t stopping. Not for anything.

If he’d taken a shower recently I’d have massaged his asshole with my tongue.

Fuck… Next time. I can’t wait for next time.

After another 10 minutes I’d worked both cheeks thoroughly. My hands and arms were gonna be sore as fuck tomorrow. But it’d been worth it. I’d do it a thousand times again.

I gave his ass a little slap and then stood up.

“Dude, thanks… Damn… I’m so relaxed right now.” He said.

I was watching him as he lifted his head off the couch. Expecting to see him pull his pants up.

He didn’t.

He turned his body sideways and then laid on his back. His hard dick flopping against his stomach.

He was looking at me with those eyes.

This was the first time I’d seen his boner. It was PERFECT. It laid flat against his pubes.

I was barely able to contain myself. My heart rate was something around 560.

He started flexing his dick, a mischievous smile on his face. I watched as it bounced up and down. I could see the head expand a little each time he flexed it. There wasn’t a more beautiful sight on this earth. His cock was literally hypnotizing me!

I dropped to my knees.

This was it.

If that wasn’t an invitation I don’t know what was.

My arms weren’t sore anymore.

My hands felt great.

Adrenalin was shooting through my veins.

FINALLY.

I shoved the coffee table away from the couch - violently.

That fucking thing was in the way.

He was smiling like crazy. Aware of what his actions were doing to me. It looked as though he was amused as fuck by it.

I started hobbling towards him, still on my knees.

Fuck it.

I’m gonna suck him.

And I won’t stop until he blasts off in my mouth.

I needed to taste his saltiness.

And smell him.

Fuck… I’d wanted to smell him there for weeks now.

I didn’t know when I’d get this chance again… And I sure as fuck wasn’t going to let this opportunity go to waste.

Just as I reached the couch his phone started rattling.

I ignored it.

“Can you tell me who’s calling?” Ollie asked.

“It’s your brother.” I responded, getting annoyed at the distraction.

He jumped off the couch, pulling his pants up. And darted to the phone.

I stayed where I was.

In shock.

Fucking… Oscar…

Let me take a few minutes to tell you about how much I hated Oscar.

Get comfortable.

We’re gonna be here a while.

I wanted him to die a thousand deaths and then die a few million more times after that.

I was fucking furious with him.

That fucking whore-mongering ass-sucking slutbag needs to learn how to leave people the fuck alone!

GODDAMNIT!

What kind of terrible person must he be that Ollie has to jump at his every beck and call?

FUCK HIM.

I’ll tell him that to his face one day. I swear to God.

I can’t wait for that day.

He screwed up the most important moment of my life. I couldn’t help but think he was psychic or some shit. Like he was having a giant laugh at my expense. Like he knew I was about to get what I wanted and waited just long enough for me to convince myself I might get it.

FUCK THAT MOTHERFUCKER.

I kept brooding, but my curiosity brought me back into present moment. I started listening in on Ollie’s side of the conversation.

“I’m at a friend’s…” Ollie said.

“What? Why’d you do that?” Ollie asked, his face incredulous.

Put it on speaker, Goddamnit!

“I barely even know her.” He said.

Her?

Herrrrrrrrrr?

HER????????????????????????????????????????????

“Ok, I’ll do it. Cool it… I’ll do it.”

I knew I shouldn’t be listening in… But I mean, come on… This was weird as fuck.

He hung up the phone ten seconds or so later.

His face bore the remnants of their conversation. I knew that whatever they talked about was not good. Not good at all.

“What’s going on? What’d he say?” I asked, not thinking about how nosey I was being.

“I um… My brother wants me to go on a date Friday night.”

“The fuck does that mean!?” I asked, even more angry than before.

“I have to do it, Ian… You don’t understand.” He said, looking down, “I don’t wanna do it, but…”

“Then DON’T. Who is she? Do I know her?”

“It’s Chad’s cousin, Gabrielle.”

FUCK.

“How’d this happen? And why the fuck does he get to tell you who to go on dates with!?”

“He’s been like this since the… you know… The incident. He… He wants to make sure I don’t make the same ‘mistake’ again.”

“Is that what I am? Another ‘mistake’?” I asked.

“Dude, of course not. It’s not like I have a choice! I just have to go through the motions on Friday.”

“How did this fucking thing get setup in the first place!?”

“Oscar is best friends with Gabrielle’s older brother… They’ve been joking about us going out for a while now. And uh, I guess she told her brother I was cute or whatever… So, uh… yeah… I’m supposed to call her and ask her out tonight.”

How did this beautiful day turn into my worst nightmare?

I was fucking traumatized.

He’s not gay. He’s said it a thousand times. It’ll be so much easier for him to be with her. He’ll choose her. What bi guy wouldn’t choose to be with a girl? Why go through all this shit? And for what? Me? Yeah, right.

My thoughts were spinning out of control. I was just an observer as they flew at light-speed through my brain. I played out every scenario. In the span of thirty seconds I had come up with thirty scenarios that all included Ollie falling for her and leaving me in the dust.

“But… She’s really pretty. What if…”

“That’s not going to happen.” He said, firmly.

“But she’ll want to kiss you! At the end of a date you do the whole kissing thing!” My eyes were watering. I couldn’t imagine him kissing someone else.

“You don’t know that…” He said, looking down, “She might not want to.”

“Have you looked in the mirror like… EVER? Of course she’ll want to! Are you gonna do it?” I asked.

“I can’t be a dick to her… They’ll both kill me if I do anything wrong…” He said, staring at the floor.

My heart was about to explode. I was dizzy. I plopped down from my knees onto my ass with a loud thud.

This was the worst day of my fucking life.

He’s going to kiss her. He’ll kiss her and then where will it stop? She’ll be texting him and… TOUCHING him.

I was about to have a nervous breakdown.

“But why can’t you just say no??” I pleaded. A tear fell out of my eye. I couldn’t hold it together anymore.

Ollie stood up and came to sit next to me, putting his arms around me and pulling me towards his chest.

I was outside my body.

Was everything I’d been telling myself just a lie?

Is this how it ends?

“Ian, listen to me. If I tell him no, then he’ll tell my dad everything. And if you think it’s bad now, you have no idea how bad it’ll be then. I know what my dad’s capable of… I’ve learned over the years not to underestimate him.”

I was barely paying attention. Staring off into space. I couldn’t feel anything anymore. I just listened to his heartbeat as I rested my head against his chest. It’s the only thing I could rely on… The only thing I could predict.

I sat up, and looked into his eyes.

“You’re going to kiss her. You’re going to kiss her and you won’t even kiss m-“

His lips slammed into mine.

A lightning bolt shot through me.

Tears were flowing down my face.

Something triggered when our lips connected… Something primal.

Something animal.

I pushed him - hard - forcing him on his back.

Our lips never parting. Our tongues finding each other.

His hands, running through my hair.

My body, boiling.

My soul, on fire.

Me, whimpering against his lips.

Our tongues, gladiators at battle.

I was lost in him.

All the anger I felt was being expressed as passion. A primal rage channeled through desire, lust.

Our tongues were at war…

For once, I was in control.

I grabbed his hands, forcing them over his head, pinning them down.

I needed to show him how much I felt.

As we kissed the world around me was spinning like a disco ball. My whole body felt like it was being electrocuted. The taste of his mouth. Feeling the smoothness of his tongue against mine. Feeling his breath on my face. The sound of our lips connecting in my ears.

All I could think about was that moment. Nothing before or after existed. We were in the now. I finally knew what that meant. I thought of nothing but his lips. His taste.

I started kissing his neck.

“Ian… Baby…”

I could barely hear him.

All of the sudden I was on my back. I had no idea how I’d gotten there. Our lips were still a battle. I felt his hardness grinding against mine like a steel pipe.

I was holding him so tight against me I could barely breathe.

Ecstasy.

Now I know what that word means.

I knew the definition before now. But never the meaning. Feeling him on top of me, his tongue in my mouth, his manhood grinding against mine, that… That was Ecstasy.

For twenty minutes our lips fought. Our tongues dueling. Our bodies one.

My lips were sore. My tongue fatigued.

I had somehow ended up on top of him again.

I lifted my head and looked into his eyes.

His mouth was open. His face red.

His eyes black with desire.

“Wow….” He whispered, running his hands through my hair.

“No girl will ever do for you what I will. She’ll never appreciate you like I will. She’ll never yearn for you like I do. Don’t forget that, Ollie.”

“It’ll be ok, baby. Don’t worry… Promise me you won’t worry.” He asked, rubbing my face with his hand.

“I’ll stop worrying about you when I’m dead… But until then I’ll do my best.”

He chuckled.

We looked into each others eyes for minutes… Hours… I don’t know.

“You have the most beautiful eyes… Like emeralds… MY emeralds…” Ollie said, smiling. His eyes red, watery.

I chuckled, as another tear fell.

My desire for him could no longer be put into words. Not after tonight. It was other-worldly. Outside of language. Some feelings cannot be described. Those were the feelings I had in that moment. Those were the things I felt when I looked into his eyes. When I heard him say those words.

My angel.

“Babe, I was supposed to be home twenty minutes ago…” Ollie said, in a soft voice, still playing with my hair.

“Shit. Come on…” I said, jumping up and handing him his shirt.

I was terrified of what would happen once I was alone. Once he was gone… My mind was going to have a field day, I knew it. But he couldn’t stay here forever. As much as I wished he could.

    ***

As I drove Ollie home he paired his phone with the bluetooth system. And, without saying anything, put on a song…

You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don't worry 'cause
Everything's gonna be alright
People keep talking they can say what they like
But all I know is everything's gonna be alright

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

I almost veered off the road.

Ollie?

Being romantic?

Have I died? Am I awake?

I started singing along. Ollie followed suit. It was beautiful. His voice was beautiful. He sounded like an angel. The angel I knew he was…

I had never felt more feelings in a single day. I had experienced what felt like a lifetime’s worth of emotions in the last couple of hours. I was exhausted. But I sang my lungs out. Full voice. I needed to internalize what I was hearing. I needed to hear myself say the words from that song. I needed to believe them.

I was still depressed beyond words.

But goddamnit was he trying.

I laid my hand on the center console palm-side up, and he intertwined his fingers in mine.

We held hands the whole trip to his house.

I didn’t know what the future held. The road ahead was perilous. Narrow. But we were going to go down it together… I hoped.

I could see no light at the end of the tunnel. I’ll be honest.

But he was my light. He would shine bright…

Somehow, we’d get through the darkness.

Together.

    ***

That night I lay wide awake staring at the ceiling.

I trusted him.

I did.

But I couldn’t help but be worried. If he were gay this would have been a mere inconvenience. It wouldn’t have affected me much at all. But he’s not. And Gabrielle’s gorgeous. There would be a line of guys waiting to date her if she wanted.

I was worried that she saw him as some sort of challenge. A game she’d try to win.

A game I didn’t want to have to play.

He says nothing will happen. He says not to worry. But he’s naive. Especially about stuff like this.

I knew I was jumping to conclusions. Make no mistake. From what I knew Gabrielle was a nice girl. She wasn’t some cutthroat psychopath…

But things get hairy when you have feelings for someone. They get messy. I’ve learned that first-hand.

Did Ollie love me like I loved him?

I didn’t know the answer to that.

I just hope he cares about ME as much as I care about him.

Love without trust isn’t love at all.

My mother said that to me once.

God, I hope she was right.