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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

Endings - 9. Chapter 9 "Back Street"

Too many shoulds and shouldn'ts...

                                                                                                                                                                                     ***

 

"Back Street"

 

 

 

Chase had an eight beer hangover the next morning, but he felt awful for a different reason. Once he’d stumbled home from Dawson’s, he’d collapsed on his bed and spent the night picturing Hank and Kevin together. It had been a non-stop hell-ride, whether dreaming or awake. Looking at the bedside clock, he was tempted to call in sick to Allan.

That’s what the old Chase might have done, but this new one was determined not to spend another day immersed in self-pity. For all he knew, they’d been fucking for weeks, and he had to accept it. Hank found someone he thought was better for him.

Sighing, he rolled over. For the umpteenth time, he replayed yesterday’s conversation, and pictured the ugly emotions on his ex’s face. They were never going to be friends, and it was pretty clear they could not be together in a group again. It was a good thing he had Dawson, because his social circle was forever gone. None of them were calling him except for Stacy and, through her, Don. Those two had ended up Switzerland, but that did him no good where the others were concerned.

No matter how they felt or what they really thought, he wasn’t invited to any of their regular gatherings. Yeah… so fucking be it. Getting up, he headed for the shower, scoffing mentally at the ridiculous hope he’d once held that Hank would call him some day, saying he’d reconsidered. Never gonna happen.

Work was hectic, but he still managed to find time to go to the bathroom and cry in the late afternoon. A couple of minutes of gulping down sobs and he was done. Right now, his life sucked. The real end had finally come. To the victor goes the spoils, and Kevin was definitely the victor. He hated him now, but he wasn’t blaming him. Chase had handed him the perfect partner on a platinum platter.

At quitting time, Dawson, who’d proven his worth and been given a steady position in a different department on a different floor, stopped by to see if they were still on for a bike ride, and later, pizza.

Chase was mulling it over when Dawson spoke. “Don’t worry about it, buddy. You look done in—we can bike another time. We haven’t missed a day in weeks… well… except for yesterday.”

“You don’t mind?”

“Hell, no. I feel like vegging out anyway. Still want to do pizza?”

“I don’t think I’m going to be good company.”

“Hey, you said that the first time I asked you to dinner.”

“I did? Sorry, but I really just want to go home and crash.”

“Are you hungover?”

“I was, but no, not anymore. It’s just… Hank… he should have let me have Rex and not said anything. He was way too eager to tell me… or maybe I just asked for it with my fucking attitude.”

Dawson gave him a sympathetic look. “Look, don’t drive yourself crazy. I didn’t want to say anything, but I wondered myself why he did that. It was either cruel, or he wanted to see your reaction.”

Chase lifted his head off his hands. “He’s not cruel, at least, he never used to be. I pushed him… I wanted that confrontation. Backfired, though… big time.”

“I still think it means something that you can push his buttons, but I know it doesn’t help at the moment. Sounds like you caught him off guard, though. You realize you always stick up for him?”

“Yeah, I don’t know why. I remember how he used to be, and I guess I still feel guilty. I don’t know… I know we’re over, but….”

“You don’t have to say anymore. I totally get it.”

“We’re a couple of idiots, aren’t we?” He forced a smile onto his face.

“I prefer to think of us as a couple of tragic, romantic head-cases.”

“Get out of here,” he said with a chuckle. “I’ll call you in the morning.”

“Okay… not too early, though. The pizza guy might turn out to be my Prince Charming, come to sweep me off my feet after he feeds me.”

Chase snorted. “The last guy was wearing an apron and a hairnet and smelled like garlic, so good luck with that.”

“Oh, ye of little faith. I happen to like a man in an apron,” he said with a wink. “Okay, I’m off. Call me as soon as you get up. Or tonight if you need to talk.”

“Will do, but I’m hoping I fall asleep early.”

“Well, a little beauty sleep wouldn’t hurt you none,” he teased. “But seriously, I’m right across the street if you need me.”

Chase smiled as he watched him leave. Yeah, thank God he had Dawson.

 

It’d been another ordeal of an evening, but his brain had finally stopped circling, so he did manage to drift off before midnight. Waking suddenly, he squinted at the blinding red numbers on the bedside clock. Five thirty-five. A thump from the living room had him sitting up in a hurry. He had to think for a second before he realized Rex wasn’t in the condo. His ears strained, but he couldn’t hear anything other than the bathroom fan. Why was it on?

Rising quickly, he went to his door and opened it. A light was on in the living room, and the sudden flush of the toilet had the hair standing up on the back of his neck. The only other person with a key was Cindy… besides his dad. His dad? Looking further up the hallway, he saw two large rolling suitcases just inside the entrance door. Instantly, he relaxed.

The expression on his father’s face was comical when he came out into the hallway and saw Chase.

“Dad? What the heck?”

“Chase… sorry I woke you but my back teeth were floating. I almost didn’t make it.”

Chase smiled as he walked towards him. “That’s okay. It’s so good to see you, but why”—he gave his father a welcoming hug which was returned tightly—“are you home already? I thought you’d be gone for at least a few more weeks… you said you were having a great time.”

“I was, but I wanted to see my kids.” He pulled back and peered intently at Chase. “You look good. A little tired, but none the worse for wear.”

“So do you. You look great… healthy and tanned… and younger.”

His father gave his shoulder a gentle push and laughed. “When you used to compliment me like that you usually wanted something.”

Chase returned the laugh. “And it always worked.”

“Must admit, it did. Both you and Cindy could work me so easily. So, how are you, really?”

Chase took in the sudden seriousness. “Well… that’s a question that’s hard to answer right now, but—”

“You’re still in a bad way?”

He was tempted to downplay what he was feeling—his dad had just gotten home, but he could see the difference in the man already. He looked much better, healthier and less troubled than he had before he left, and Chase was the one who’d made the plea for honesty within their family. “Truth is… yes, I am. It’s been tough, but… I’m really glad you’re back. It’s been lonely with just me here.”

His father nodded knowingly. “It’s nice to be back. And I’m glad you’ve made this place your home too. It’s what made me look forward to returning. It doesn’t seem so bad here anymore.”

“It’s a nice condo, Dad, and it’s pretty much in the same area as the old house.”

“I bought it because I had to live somewhere, and it was close enough to you and Cindy… speaking of which, I guess it’s too early to call her?”

“Ha,” he answered with a snort. “It is early, but do you want to face her if we don’t call her right away?”

“You have a point. She’s a lot like Christine.”

“More and more every day.” Chase smiled, mostly because his father didn’t look hurt when he mentioned his wife.

“Let’s go sit, and I’ll call her. Man, that’s a long ride from the airport when you have to pee the whole time.”

Chase chuckled. “Starting to have troubles, old man?”

“God, I hope not.”

“Well, you are getting up there.”

“Don’t remind me… and you shouldn’t push your luck,” he warned with a grin.

“And you should have called me. I’d have picked you up and even stopped to let you pee.”

His father laughed at the teasing. “I know you would have, but I wanted to surprise you both.”

“Well, mission accomplished. You’re lucky I didn’t hit you with a frying pan.”

Still laughing, his father walked out into the living room, lit only by the entrance light he’d flicked on, but dawn wasn’t far off. Chase followed, thinking just how much he’d needed his father back.

“Oh, sweet mother,” his father uttered. He was standing facing the family painting Chase had placed over the sofa. “I was in such a rush I didn’t see this.”

Chase swallowed down a lump as his father looked at him with instantly wet eyes. “Is it okay? Do you like it there?”

Returning his gaze to the painting, he answered. “I do. I really do. I’d completely forgot about this one. That was a happy time, wasn’t it?”

Chase watched him swipe at his eyes. “It was… and we had a lot of them, Dad.”

“Yes we did, and I can think of them again without feeling the loss of your mom.”

“You can? Really? Because I can too.”

His father nodded. Then he smiled. “I really can. I won’t lie… I still have my moments, but….”

“I think that’s okay—I have those as well, but it’s getting better.” He put his arm over his father’s slightly lower shoulders, and they both stared at their family, captured so beautifully by Christine Leeman.

 

Chase was surprised when his father, upon finishing the breakfast Cindy had set on her sunny dining room table, proclaimed he wanted to bike ride by their old house. It came completely out of the blue, considering they hadn’t had a family ride in years, and Chase choked on his toast while Cindy spilt some of her tea on the tablecloth. They gave each other a look before staring at the man in disbelief.

“What? You guys don’t want to?”

“No, it’s not that,” Chase answered quickly.

“Well okay then… let’s do it. You still have my bike, Cindy?”

“Ah, yeah, I do. It’s out in the garage with mine. Marshall’s used it a few times lately, so it’s in good working order.”

“Marshall? Is he back?” Chase asked.

Cindy’s eyes grew noticeably wider for a second. “Yeah, he moved back from Calgary a month ago. Didn’t I mention that?”

“No, you didn’t. How’s he doing?”

“Good. And before you ask your next question, no, we aren’t back together, but we still get along really well.”

“Cool. I like him.”

“So do I,” their dad said. “So… who’s in?”

“You’re really serious? Aren’t you tired… or jet lagged? We just finished eating—don’t you need a nap, old man?”

“No, smartass, I don’t need a nap, and I’m not jet lagged. I slept most of the flight.”

“Well, in that case, I’m in. Don’t worry, I’ll go slow for you.” Chase picked up his phone to text Dawson about their plans, deciding against including him in this family reunion.

“Well, I’m not letting you guys go without me, and stop picking on Dad. Who are you texting?”

“Thank you, Cindy… you’re still my favorite child.”

Chase chuckled. This bantering was how it used to be. “Fine by me. She can look after you when you start drooling.”

“Chase!”

“What?”

“You’re terrible,” Cindy answered, but a snicker followed. “So, what’s with the secret text?”

“No secret. Just Dawson.”

“Dawson?” his father asked. “Something I should know?”

“No, it’s not like that. He’s my Marshall, I guess. He’s become my best friend.”

Cindy looked like she was going to say something, but ended up pursing her lips instead.

“It’s always good to have a best friend,” his father said before mock scowling at him. “And for your information, I don’t need you to go slow. I did so much biking and walking on my trip that you’ll have trouble keeping up with me.” He followed up with a cheeky and challenging expression Chase hadn’t seen in years.

“Okay, it’s on, old man. I got to admit you look pretty good for fifty.”

“Hey! I’m only forty-seven.”

“Same thing.” He winked at his sister, and she giggled. “Think you can pedal to the condo so I can pick up my bike, or have you changed your mind about that nap?”

“Come on, Cindy. Let’s show Chase what we’re made of.”

Cindy shook her head at the two grinning men. “Boys! Some things never change.”

But they had, Chase thought. It felt like their family was finally back.

 

“I never should have sold this place.”

Chase was on his father’s right side, with his feet planted on the pavement. “Do you mean that? I know you said it in your email, but… it’s a really big house.”

Swinging his leg over his bike and putting the kick stand on, his father answered. “I do mean it. I was too emotional to make such a decision. This was our home, with so many good memories. I made a huge mistake.”

Cindy got off her bike and joined her father on the grassy area directly across from their former home. It was a peaceful neighborhood, with houses only on the one side because of a ravine and creek on the other. “I was worried about that, and I tried to convince you to wait for—”

“I know you did. I didn’t want to listen, and I didn’t want to be in there for even a minute more than I had to. Christine was everywhere, but that should have been a good thing. Maybe if it hadn’t sold so quickly….”

“I should have fought you harder, but I thought it was what you needed. When the agent presented that offer in her office, I left because I was panicking. I should have stayed and been a sounding board—I should have tried to talk you out of it.”

“So you didn’t want it sold either?”

She shook her head, and Chase saw tears before he copied her head shake at the inquisitive look his father gave him.

“I should have listened better,” he muttered softly. “I don’t remember much about that day… the whole week was a blur.”

The other two were staring at the home with the four pretty gables, but Chase’s gaze was on them. “What’s going on here, guys?”

“What do you mean?” Charles Leeman asked, meeting his gaze.

“There are way too many shoulds and shouldnts being thrown around. I thought we were coming by to see the old house because we wanted to talk about the good times, yet all I’m hearing are regrets.”

“This is the first time I’m seeing it since it sold, and it’s hard.”

“I know, Cind, but what’s done is done. I’ve been stuck in the past for too long, and I don’t want to do it anymore. It’s cost me too much.” He laid his bike on the grass and flopped down beside it. “Can we not do this? We’ve grieved for Mom… do we have to grieve for the house too?”

“Sorry,” they both said at once.

“No, don’t be sorry… that’s my whole point. Cindy, what was one of your favorite memories of the house?”

“Oh, ah… I don’t know… what is one of yours?”

“The fort.”

“What fort,” his father asked.

“The one I built under your work bench in the garage when I was still small enough to fit under there.” He smiled at his dad and sister. “I stacked boxes and stuff and had windows and a door… I had a flashlight and my Gameboy—”

“And food. You had a stack of cookies… you even had cans of vegetables and soup.” Cindy laughed.

“And I found you out when I went looking for my pry bar,” his dad said, joining in with a grin.

“That was my spear against ferocious animals like Cindy.”

“Hey, I thought I was your protector.”

“Only outside the fort.” He chuckled softly. “You know, I had that fort for a long time before anyone caught on.”

“Your mother knew the whole time.”

“She did?”

“Yeah, she told me she was keeping an eye on you after I found your hiding spot. She said not to move a thing… that kids needed their own secret places, and how you’d showed a lot on ingenuity with your construction.”

“Well I’ll be damned. I had no clue, but in hindsight, she sure opened the door to the garage a lot… she was checking on me.”

“Of course she was,” Cindy said, and there was silence for a few minutes. “I remember something now that was pretty special. My grade eight graduation—I came home from getting my hair done for the first time, and I hated it.”

“Oh, I remember that. My little girl was so upset.”

“It was so tight it hurt, and I looked like Grandma, Dad.”

“You did, kind of,” he agreed with a grin.

“Yeah, but Mom just took out all the pins and redid it. It was perfect. She always did my hair perfect.” Her eyes were glistening again, but she was smiling, and Chase understood that bittersweet feeling.

“What about you, Dad?”

His dad looked like he was somewhere else, but he looked happy. Chase’s question brought him back from wherever that was. “Oh, damn. That’s tough… so many. I remember when we brought each of you home. Oh, and I remember when I had to scramble to repaint the nursery for you, Chase. They told us you were going to be a girl… guess you were hiding your little pee-pee.”

Chase rolled his eyes and they all laughed. This was a story told many times over the years.

“Whatever,” Chase responded.

“What else, Dad?” Cindy asked.

“Every day was worth remembering. All of them involve you guys and your mom. Except, there was the weekend we sent you guys off to your grandparents so we could celebrate our ninth anniversary. It was one of the best times we’d ever had where it didn’t involve being parents. Just me and your mom and—”

“Whoa, whoa… keep those things to yourself, would ya?” Chase exclaimed. “Jeez, do you want to scar us for life?”

Cindy giggled. “Yeah, we saw enough of that stuff.”

“Ha ha, very funny. I was just going to tell you we went to “Canada’s Wonderland” on that Saturday.”

“Without us?” Cindy asked. “How could you?!”

Their father grinned smugly. “Yup, we felt guilty as hell, and it was great. We were like kids again—we didn’t have to watch you two little monkeys the whole time, and could go on rides like the Minebuster instead of the Ghostercoaster.”

Chase looked at his sister. “Can you believe this? Our own parents.”

Cindy giggled again.

“That’s not the end of it, either,” their father said slyly. “Christine made us banana splits when we got home, and we cuddled on the couch and watched an old tearjerker movie called “Back Street,” starring Susan Hayward, without a single interruption from little people. It was a weekend I’ll never forget—it was like when we were dating.”

“Oh, it sounds wonderful,” Cindy said softly.

Chase couldn’t look at either of them because now his eyes were watering. “Yeah, it does,” he agreed. As pleased as he was to hear happy family memories, his dad’s had reminded him of wonderful ‘old’ movie nights with Hank, something they did each week, and he had to pretend the semi-sealed rips to his heart hadn’t just reopened.

 

*

Thanks to Timothy, my wonderful editor, and thank you to all the dedicated readers who share their thoughts and make this experience so fulfilling. Cheers!
Copyright © 2019 Headstall; All Rights Reserved.
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

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19 minutes ago, Wesley8890 said:

The whole five hours thing is another thing that ticks me off. He said he went back to the club to look for chase afterwards. Why the hell didn't he look in other places? Seriously if I saw my man shoving his tongue down a stranger's throat I would've dragged his ass out of there. If by the off chance I did leave and come back and he wasn't there, I would've looked around more places. Hank just gave up and went home to pout like a child. 

Directness doesn't seem to be Hank's strong suit, does it?  He immediately assumes the worst, instead of confronting Chase and talking things out; when Chase comes by to pick up stuff, he pretends to be busy and goes to hang out in the park.  He assures Chase they will still be friends and then fails to carry through.  All he can do is insist that their relationship is over and then turn to someone else in pain so he can find comfort by being the comforter.  If he had managed to listen to Chase and talk things through with him, when Chase finally returned to the apartment that first night, the whole story could have been a very different one.  Pity!

Also, what @Danners said! 👍

Edited by BigBen
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48 minutes ago, BigBen said:

So what I was really trying to say in the earlier post is that Hank wouldn't start even a casual relationship with Kevin unless he saw his relationship with Chase as being completely over, because otherwise it would be cheating on Chase, by his own definition.  Sorry not to have been clearer, and you are right to raise the issue, Gary.  What I was trying to get at was really that anything that happens between Hank and Kevin is an obstacle to reconciliation with Chase.  Danners is right about the need for a new start, if Hank and Chase are to get back together, since the old relationship cannot be revived at this point, if there is anything at all going on between Hank and Kevin.  Of course Gary is being his usual cagey self about that last point, isn't he?  The cliché path for a writer to take would be for Hank to have cold feet about sleeping with Kevin this weekend, so that nothing ever happened, and the way would be clear for him and Chase to resume their old relationship.  I suspect that's not what Gary has in store for us!

And yeah, Gary, you've made it clear in several chapters that Hank is now the more messed-up one of the two, and you've done a good job of portraying that.  My take is that Hank is most comfortable being the caretaker in a relationship (hence his latching on to Kevin, who is still in need from breaking up with John), and that he doesn't do well unless he feels in control of the situation.  I know you didn't like my using that word the last time, but I still think it fits.  He wasn't trying to control Chase by nurturing him, but I do believe he doesn't deal well when other people are independent of him and he doesn't have a clearly-defined role in relationship to them.  I mean "control" more in the sense of Hank's understanding and feeling in charge of his situation.  Does that make more sense?

Furthermore, I do hope you have a scene coming up in which Hank is able to articulate his pain—and not just the surface anger about being "betrayed" by Chase, but the deeper, more existential pain about losing his mother (figuratively) and his father (literally).  He needs to learn that a real relationship allows each partner to be the strong one or the weak one at need.  If he's with Kevin merely because Kevin needs someone, they are going to have problems down the road if Kevin heals and moves on from the pain of the breakup with John.

He says his and Chase’s relationship is over but his actions speak otherwise. Operating under that theory, I kind of want Hank to fool around with Kevin (up to third base, let’s say) so that he has a tangible reason (in his mind) to feel guilt.

Let Hank walk a mile in Chase’s shoes and feel the need to apologize.

The only difference would be that Chase was drunk when he made his mistakes and a sober Hank was just desperate to move on and/or forget Chase. One could say Hank is drunk with grief but that excuse if flimsy at best.

Whatever Gary comes up with, I pray he gives those two a chance to talk it out. They need to come to some sort of understanding before either can move on, whether that’s together (I hope!) or individually. 

Edited by Danners
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35 minutes ago, BigBen said:

 

 

Okay, now that I can type and edit more easily—

I think we are all pretty much in agreement, actually.

So what I was really trying to say in the earlier post is that Hank wouldn't start even a casual relationship with Kevin unless he saw his relationship with Chase as being completely over, because otherwise it would be cheating on Chase, by his own definition.  Sorry not to have been clearer, and you are right to raise the issue, Gary.  What I was trying to get at was really that anything that happens between Hank and Kevin is an obstacle to reconciliation with Chase.  Danners is right about the need for a new start, if Hank and Chase are to get back together, since the old relationship cannot be revived at this point, if there is anything at all going on between Hank and Kevin.  Of course Gary is being his usual cagey self about that last point, isn't he?  The cliché path for a writer to take would be for Hank to have cold feet about sleeping with Kevin this weekend, so that nothing ever happened, and the way would be clear for him and Chase to resume their old relationship.  I suspect that's not what Gary has in store for us!

And yeah, Gary, you've made it clear in several chapters that Hank is now the more messed-up one of the two, and you've done a good job of portraying that.  My take is that Hank is most comfortable being the caretaker in a relationship (hence his latching on to Kevin, who is still in need from breaking up with John), and that he doesn't do well unless he feels in control of the situation.  I know you didn't like my using that word the last time, but I still think it fits.  He wasn't trying to control Chase by nurturing him, but I do believe he doesn't deal well when other people are independent of him and he doesn't have a clearly-defined role in relationship to them.  I mean "control" more in the sense of Hank's understanding and feeling in charge of his situation.  Does that make more sense?

Furthermore, I do hope you have a scene coming up in which Hank is able to articulate his pain—and not just the surface anger about being "betrayed" by Chase, but the deeper, more existential pain about losing his mother (figuratively) and his father (literally).  He needs to learn that a real relationship allows each partner to be the strong one or the weak one at need.  If he's with Kevin merely because Kevin needs someone, they are going to have problems down the road if Kevin heals and moves on from the pain of the breakup with John.

First of all, thanks for the kind words... I avoid cliches wherever possible... if it doesn't feel real to me, I can't write it, and I hate using any sort of plot device. Now, if this was an attempt to get me to say Kevin and Hank slept together, pffft... not gonna happen. :P  :X 

I agree we all are more or less on the same page... as I already said to Dan, I think everyone is understanding Hank better, and I do get your point about how Hank could/would 'feel' he was cheating. 

I also get your distinction of 'control' ... while I won't concede he is controlling, I will concede he is used to being the strong one, and is comfortable with that. His self worth has become tied up in being needed... again, it likely harkens back to losing all control with the loss of his family. He was powerless back then, the exact opposite of how he felt in his relationship with Chase. But, that was their dynamic out of necessity... if he's looking for that with Kevin, he's going to be disappointed... needy isn't the same as needing help during a crisis. :(

There are lots of scenes coming up as the story progresses... we delve into lots of areas... so :X  :X  :X  Great comment, Ben... I'm feeling really good about the reactions to these guys and their story. :hug:  

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You know what I’d like to see?

Chase confronting Hank’s mom. Lord knows Hank won’t, but someone should make her aware of the lasting damage she caused to her son. I mean, she basically helped mold Hank’s views on what makes and breaks a [successful] relationship. I’d even go so far as to say she sabotaged Hank’s ability to have a healthy relationship — with anyone, including himself. 

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19 minutes ago, Danners said:

He says his and Chase’s relationship is over but his actions speak otherwise. Operating under that theory, I kind of want Hank to fool around with Kevin (up to third base, let’s say) so that he has a tangible reason (in his mind) to feel guilt.

True, his stab at Chase by mentioning the weekend getaway with Kevin and his jealousy over Dawson both indicate that he still has unresolved feelings for Chase.

On the other hand, his insistence that Chase's "cheating" means the relationship is over and his refusal to hear (or later, entertain) Chase's explanation are pretty definitive.  He can only push Chase away so much before Chase has to take his words and behavior at face value.  My suspicion is that it will be like Dawson's timing problem; by the time Hank gets himself sorted out, Chase will have gotten over him and started seeing Dawson.  Dawson is pretty level-headed, so (a) he's not going to hang on to his lost love forever, and (b) he already knows what a good man Chase is.  If Chase and Dawson get together before Hank straightens out and flies right, he's going to be left in the lurch.  I can live with that, I guess.

 

13 minutes ago, Headstall said:

His self worth has become tied up in being needed...

That's really all I was trying to say (but you said it better—guess that's why you're the writer and I'm the reader, huh? 😁 ), so we're definitely on the same page with this.  But in the long run it's a pretty piss-poor basis for a relationship, as I can testify to my cost.  (Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt, and wore it out. ☹️ )

Edited by BigBen
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49 minutes ago, Wesley8890 said:

The whole five hours thing is another thing that ticks me off. He said he went back to the club to look for chase afterwards. Why the hell didn't he look in other places? Seriously if I saw my man shoving his tongue down a stranger's throat I would've dragged his ass out of there. If by the off chance I did leave and come back and he wasn't there, I would've looked around more places. Hank just gave up and went home to pout like a child. 

First of all, Hank made an assumption we all know is wrong, but he jumped to a conclusion that made sense. Secondly, Toronto is a big city, so if he did want to search for Chase, where would he begin. But, back to the first point... he saw what he saw, and when he went back after likely cooling down, both men had disappeared... it makes sense to me he went home, hoping Chase had gone there. Imagine how he felt to find the apartment empty. Your boyfriend sees you kissing someone... he leaves... and you don't follow him home? If he had of, maybe they would have worked it all out, but five hours later... trust has become a thing of the past. And, to add insult to injury, instead of Chase begging to explain after the dust settles, he hides away for three days, not even trying to contact Hank! I don't know about you, but I know what I would be thinking. Honestly, those five hours without a call might have been an even bigger mistake on Chase's part than the kiss. Remember when Hank says... why didn't you call me, Chase? That little line broke my heart. I understand why you think Hank was pouting, Wes... because he's been acting like such an ass... but I see him as practically writhing with the pain of it all, and finally shutting down. 

As far as dragging his ass out of there, I remember seeing something similar, and taking off... my pride would ever have let me do otherwise. :(  Cheers, buddy. :hug: 

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57 minutes ago, BigBen said:

To reiterate a thought I had back in chapter one, a happy ending doesn't need to have Chase and Hank back together again, necessarily, but it does have to have them learning and growing from this experience.  We have seen Chase doing that, and I would very much like for the same to happen for Hank.  And also, it would  be really nice for Gary to get over John, finally, and for Dawson to be able to heal from the bad timing with his first love.  How Gary might be able to accomplish all that, I have no idea.  😊😁

Trust in Gary, my friend. :)  Oh oh... I'm referring to myself in the third person. :huh: 

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53 minutes ago, Danners said:

As loathe as I am to cut Hank any amount of slack, he was in shock. We caught our first glimpse of Hank’s instinct in situations he isn’t in control of, which is to retreat. Chase brought that up last chapter and it stands true. Hank waits for others to react. That way he can compose the appropriate response for them, not necessarily himself.

So, having fled at first, he returned to the club and encountered another setback in Chase and the guy being gone. He assumed they left together, remember: looking for Chase at other clubs would’ve confirmed that misconception. Rather than call Chase — hell, I would’ve blown his phone up — Hank went to his safe space and waited. The problem with that being the sceneries his imagination fed him.

Hank didn’t know what else to do. Literally, he felt he had no other option but to wait for Chase to come home. It’s always been about Chase, and Hank was — IS — lost without him. 

With some variations, we are of the same mind. :P  Chase is right to take responsibility for what happened that night... he did make mistake after mistake after mistake. :yes: 

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12 minutes ago, Headstall said:

First of all, Hank made an assumption we all know is wrong, but he jumped to a conclusion that made sense. Secondly, Toronto is a big city, so if he did want to search for Chase, where would he begin. But, back to the first point... he saw what he saw, and when he went back after likely cooling down, both men had disappeared... it makes sense to me he went home, hoping Chase had gone there. Imagine how he felt to find the apartment empty. Your boyfriend sees you kissing someone... he leaves... and you don't follow him home? If he had of, maybe they would have worked it all out, but five hours later... trust has become a thing of the past. And, to add insult to injury, instead of Chase begging to explain after the dust settles, he hides away for three days, not even trying to contact Hank! I don't know about you, but I know what I would be thinking. Honestly, those five hours without a call might have been an even bigger mistake on Chase's part than the kiss. Remember when Hank says... why didn't you call me, Chase? That little line broke my heart. I understand why you think Hank was pouting, Wes... because he's been acting like such an ass... but I see him as practically writhing with the pain of it all, and finally shutting down. 

As far as dragging his ass out of there, I remember seeing something similar, and taking off... my pride would ever have let me do otherwise. :(  Cheers, buddy. :hug: 

I get its a big area but wouldn't it have made sense to check places he frequented? As to chase not calling, you stated multiple times that's a two way street, hank could have picked up the phone as well and tried calling chase. The line "why didn't you call me chase" while heartbreaking, once again puts all the blame solely on Chase's shoulder. Which is one thing hank is damn good at.

Edited by Wesley8890
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52 minutes ago, BigBen said:

Directness doesn't seem to be Hank's strong suit, does it?  He immediately assumes the worst, instead of confronting Chase and talking things out; when Chase comes by to pick up stuff, he pretends to be busy and goes to hang out in the park.  He assures Chase they will still be friends and then fails to carry through.  All he can do is insist that their relationship is over and then turn to someone else in pain so he can find comfort by being the comforter.  If he had managed to listen to Chase and talk things through with him, when Chase finally returned to the apartment that first night, the whole story could have been a very different one.  Pity!

Also, what @Danners said! 👍

No, that's true. But it wasn't about avoidance on the night... I believe it was more about mistakes on both sides... but mostly on Chase's. Since then, though, Hank has been the one making mistakes. Hank did show he was willing to talk by coming back to the bar right after... and again when he went home... if he hadn't had those missing five hours on his mind, I suspect there was hope for them. Yes, he could have called Chase, but he didn't... and I wouldn't have either, and that's why our differences make the world go round. Hank might have found it easier to lose trust and faith than someone else would. :( 

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48 minutes ago, Wesley8890 said:

I just really wish we had a chapter from Hanks perspective. Ooh here's an idea your next story could show us everything from his prospective starting from that night! 

That's actually a great idea, Wes... but I think I might get bored with doing that. I have so many stories in my head as it is. :yes:  Readers might get bored too. :unsure: 

36 minutes ago, Danners said:

He says his and Chase’s relationship is over but his actions speak otherwise. Operating under that theory, I kind of want Hank to fool around with Kevin (up to third base, let’s say) so that he has a tangible reason (in his mind) to feel guilt.

Let Hank walk a mile in Chase’s shoes and feel the need to apologize.

The only difference would be that Chase was drunk when he made his mistakes and a sober Hank was just desperate to move on and/or forget Chase. One could say Hank is drunk with grief but that excuse if flimsy at best.

Whatever Gary comes up with, I pray he gives those two a chance to talk it out. They need to come to some sort of understanding before either can move on, whether that’s together (I hope!) or individually. 

:X  What I can tell you, is there will be more contact between the pair... good or bad, I can't... okay... won't say. :P  Like I said, there is much more to the story, with something you might not expect. :whistle: 

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15 minutes ago, Headstall said:

Imagine how he felt to find the apartment empty. Your boyfriend sees you kissing someone... he leaves... and you don't follow him home? If he had of, maybe they would have worked it all out, but five hours later... trust has become a thing of the past.

 

3 minutes ago, Headstall said:

Hank might have found it easier to lose trust and faith than someone else would.

All too sadly true.  If Hank has really and truly lost all trust and respect for Hank, then the relationship is irrecoverable, and no fresh start is possible, either.  No relationship can survive without them, and once lost, they cannot be restored.  Not by any means I know of, at any rate. 

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23 minutes ago, Danners said:

You know what I’d like to see?

Chase confronting Hank’s mom. Lord knows Hank won’t, but someone should make her aware of the lasting damage she caused to her son. I mean, she basically helped mold Hank’s views on what makes and breaks a [successful] relationship. I’d even go so far as to say she sabotaged Hank’s ability to have a healthy relationship — with anyone, including himself. 

Hmmm... interesting thought... yeah, that's true, and it's Hank and Chase who have to deal with the issues she caused. Hank is the one who needs to be proactive in getting past them, though... I mean, he won't even admit his mother has anything to do with his convictions. :( 

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29 minutes ago, BigBen said:

True, his stab at Chase by mentioning the weekend getaway with Kevin and his jealousy over Dawson both indicate that he still has unresolved feelings for Chase.

On the other hand, his insistence that Chase's "cheating" means the relationship is over and his refusal to hear (or later, entertain) Chase's explanation are pretty definitive.  He can only push Chase away so much before Chase has to take his words and behavior at face value.  My suspicion is that it will be like Dawson's timing problem; by the time Hank gets himself sorted out, Chase will have gotten over him and started seeing Dawson.  Dawson is pretty level-headed, so (a) he's not going to hang on to his lost love forever, and (b) he already knows what a good man Chase is.  If Chase and Dawson get together before Hank straightens out and flies right, he's going to be left in the lurch.  I can live with that, I guess.

 

That's really all I was trying to say (but you said it better—guess that's why you're the writer and I'm the reader, huh? 😁 ), so we're definitely on the same page with this.  But in the long run it's a pretty piss-poor basis for a relationship, as I can testify to my cost.  (Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt, and wore it out. ☹️ )

Great point about the importance of timing in all this. Hank could be left holding the proverbial bag, watching Chase move on and feeling regret. I bet he would remember each word of Chase's then, and hear them differently. :(  

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20 minutes ago, Wesley8890 said:

I get its a big area but wouldn't it have made sense to check places he frequented? As to chase not calling, you stated multiple times that's a two way street, hank could have picked up the phone as well and tried calling chase. 

They weren't bar people to begin with, and Hank would think, I suspect, the only reason to leave the bar would to be to go home with that guy or go home period. And yes, Wes, I agree, he could have called Chase... absolutely... but I wouldn't have... no bloody way. He proposed, he searched the bars for Chase after... he saw what he saw and still went back, and then he went home to find an empty apartment. So he waited... and waited... and waited... call him? Fuck that. :P  Seriously, the man already took some deadly hits to his pride, and the way he saw it, Chase didn't want to see him or talk to him. That must have been devastating. :( 

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18 minutes ago, BigBen said:

 

All too sadly true.  If Hank has really and truly lost all trust and respect for Hank, then the relationship is irrecoverable, and no fresh start is possible, either.  No relationship can survive without them, and once lost, they cannot be restored.  Not by any means I know of, at any rate. 

Trust is a really tricky thing. Admitting you were wrong can be even trickier. Things do not look good, do they? 

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No, we often don't ask for what we get, but we're not always healthy enough to choose differently.

I don't mean to disparage Hank by writing this, but it is possible that the timing of his proposal, which started the whole series of events in motion, could well have been a subconscious form of self-sabotage.  I don't want to be committed to this remark, just to put it out as a sad possibility.  Just as you see yourself in Hank's unwillingness to try to call Chase, I can see myself in the timing of the proposal.  Making exactly the wrong move at exactly the wrong time is sort of my superpower.

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