Chapter Five

5.1 The Audit Continues.

Several days later, Jaimee sat back and considered the team’s progress. He’d obtained a copy of last year’s Revenue account and verified that the published Mortgage Payments were correct, and they, indeed almost doubled the current year. Then the team had listed payments from the Bank statements and agreed the total to the Revenue Account. Now Jaimee had a list in front of him which showed the payment date, the amount paid, and the Bank’s description of each item. The listing showed mortgage payments for the Carrum Downs property as well as payments for a property in Frankston, a nearby bay-side suburb.

No further details could be found on the Frankston address. As the payments ceased towards the end of the financial year it had to be assumed the mortgage had been paid out in full. But no asset appeared on the Balance sheet. The next step required an investigation of Mortgages Discharged which must be notified to the Land Titles Office. Jaimee sent an Under-grad to sift through the Register to try and locate a Mortgage held by the ANZ Bank for a property in Frankston. This would take some time and he fretted at the delay in resolving the matter.

Also, he couldn’t find any initial deposit payment being made on the purchase of the Carrum Downs title. Where had the money come from? It wasn’t so much the source of the funds that worried him, more the messy accounting that had taken place. If the money had come from somewhere else, surely an acknowledgment of that liability must be recorded. On the whole . . . weird! And, . . . what role did Paul pay in this mess?

Paul! Weird, me thinking Simon was Paul whilst having sex. What the fuck is going on. I love Simon but am only attracted to Paul. Or is it the other way round? What if I’m falling in love with Paul. Simon and I have great sex but for the rest are we just friends? I’ve never had to think about my real feelings for Simon that way. But what about Paul and this bloody audit? I already suspect something shitty is going on; if not shitty then the basic accounting is unacceptable. Is that Paul’s fault? Well, yes! He’s the Chief Financial Officer and will have to carry the can. If he’s charged with fraud then he could end up in jail. Do I want to fall for someone who’s going in the slammer? On the other hand, do I have a choice? I haveta admit I reacted strongly the first day we met . . . and (sigh) that bum undulating across the carpet. He looked so vulnerable dressed casually. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I’m a mess. But one thing’s clear, Simon’s safe and doesn’t come with the baggage Paul’s carrying. I’m gonna be a coward and do nothing!

Jaimee began to carry on with audit matters, just as his phone rang.

‘Jaimee Burrows here.’

‘Jaimee . . . it’s Paul. Are you avoiding me?’

‘Hi Paul . . .no, of course not! Why do you say that?’

‘Just that I haven’t heard from you since we had coffee. I’d hoped you’d at least give me a call. I thought we were going to be friends? Sorry, but . . .’

‘Oh shit Paul, I am sorry. I’ve had some personal stuff happening and it’s . . .’

‘(Enthusiastically) yes, I heard . . . Congratulations! It’s nice to be well thought of, isn’t it? (Laughing) I hope it comes with a salary boost; I mean it’s great to get a pat on the back but better if there’s more money in it. Right?’

‘Yes, some more money, but I’m not gonna race out and buy a Maserati with the extra cash. I just like getting a little recognition. Anyway . . . how ya been? I honestly enjoyed our coffee talk and am sorry I haven’t got back to you. How about . . .?’

‘How about I take you to lunch today? Not in the family dining room; I’d like to take you to a great restaurant down on Mount Matha beach. Tell your boss it’s business . . . a business lunch date. My treat of course.’

‘Great! That sounds great! What time? And don’t worry about the cost because I’ve got an expense account that . . .’

‘(Laughing) Nothing doing . . . the firm would just add it to our bill anyway. No, this is on me. Look, it’s 11:30 now; how about I pick you up around 12:15. We can start eating about 12:30. How does that sound?’

‘Fine! No really . . . I’m looking forward to seeing you again.’

‘Me too. 12:15 then, out the front.’

After Paul rang off Jaimee rang Frank and told him about the invite.

‘Well Jaimee, I don’t know. I’m not too keen about it, considering the way the audit’s heading. But then again, you’re in a difficult spot, and refusing might be seen as sinister. Ummm . . . I’d say go, but play your cards well. In other words, be careful. But having said that, you’re an intelligent young man and I’m sure you can conduct yourself professionally.’

‘Thanks, Frank, I‘ll certainly follow your advice. When we had coffee last, he didn’t try and pry about the audit and that made me lower my guard somewhat. Now he may be going for the jugular and I’m gonna be very wary. In fact, I might even enjoy the challenge. I’ll let you know how it goes.’

‘(Laughing) Ha, ha. I‘ll look forward to it.’

5.2 Lunch with Paul

By 12:15 Jaimee arrived out front of the church complex just as Paul pulled up in an open white Mercedes Convertible, sporting tan upholstery. And talk about color coordination. He’d dressed in tan stretched Jeans and a white polo top. A pair of polished brown leather R W Miller shoes completed the outfit. Jaimee felt over-dressed in his professional blue suit, and his mouth suddenly felt dry.

Fuck me he knows how to dress to impress. The stretched jeans show off his leg muscles and the white polo shirt emphasizes his satiny tan skin. I can just make out his pecs underneath the shirt. Oh, this is gonna be so much fun!

‘Hey Superstar . . . jump in.’

Seated comfortably close to Paul, Jaimee once again enjoyed the subtle aroma of old spice and vanilla. Although he’d promised himself to be vigilant, he couldn’t stop feeling both excited and sexually aroused. As Paul expertly worked the stick gear shift, his leg muscles flexed and pumped impressively. Suddenly a desire to slip his hand between Paul’s legs became almost unbearable.

‘So tell me what’s been happening with you and I don’t want to hear anything about business. Please treat this as a relaxed lunch between two friends . . . well, I hope friends.’

‘Hey man, I sense you’re having a shot at me for not calling. I’m sorry for not getting back, but please don’t expect me to keep apologizing. I . . . I like being with you and I do regard you as a friend . . . already.’

‘Sorry . . . you’re right. I just got a little disappointed when you didn’t call. I thought maybe I’d . . . OH Shit! Forget it. Now, what’s been happening?’

‘Not a lot, except I just found out my pooch Mickey has bad back teeth and they have to be removed. It’s gonna cost me $1,500, no less.’

‘Bloody hell! Fifteen hundred bucks! For a dog. I bet that’s gonna take a chunk outta your Christmas kitty?’

‘Yeah, but if they don’t come out the dog will be in pain and I can’t have that. I love him too much. I’m really sensitive about how we treat our pets; they give us unconditional love so we, in turn, must look after them. Ummm . . . what about you Paul, do you have a pet?’

‘No, my dear mother can’t stand either dogs or cats and there’s a restriction no pets allowed in the church complex. I’d really love to have a dog though; I can see how much Mickey means to you. I’m sorta jealous.’

‘Thanks, they do fill up some lonely hours. Hey, this is one beautiful machine; I hardly feel I’m in a car it handles so sweetly.’

‘Yes, yes it does. Maybe I’ll let you . . . ahh, here we are.’

The short drive had taken them bayside to a beach called Mount Matha. On this day the sand, the beach, the waves looked absolutely glorious and Jaimee wished he’s brought his swimmers to sample the water. Paul then bid him enter a small but well-appointed restaurant on the beachfront. Paul’s casual gear matched the décor and now Jaimee felt really overdressed. A young waiter led them to a table overlooking the beach and, remarkably, way in the distance across the bay, Jaimee could see the towers and skyscrapers of the city of Melbourne. A fantastic view. Sensing Jaimee’s discomfort Paul invited,

‘Mate, why don’t you lose the suit coat and take off your tie, you’ll feel much more comfortable. Now, what would you like to drink?’

‘Whatever you’re having suits me. I’m not picky with my drinks.’

‘OK (signaling the waiter) Can we have a cold bottle of the T’Gallant Pino Gris to start. (turning to Jaimee) you’ll love this local wine mate. On a great warm day such as this, it’s a really refreshing taste.’

Whilst Paul chatted with the waiter, Jaimee looked around the interior and liked what he saw. Large bay windows were open to let a cooling breeze penetrate the venue. On the walls, hung beach-themed paintings in a riot of yellow, blues, and greens. The colorful bathing sheds that adorned most Melbourne beaches provided a wonderful backdrop. Potted plants placed at intervals around the interior gave a sense of privacy. He began to relax.

The waiter returned with their wine and Paul went through the ritual of swirling the wine to ascertain its color, then finally sniffing and tasting the sample before nodding his approval. The wine poured, a sudden silence descended.

Paul looked straight into Jaimee’s eyes. The intensity bore deep into Jaimee’s soul and he could only stare back. The gravitational pull began to overpower Jaimee’s resolve and he found himself fighting for breath. The handsome man before him made Jaimee feel uncomfortable, but in a good way. He began to succumb to Paul’s magnetism.

The moment having begun lasted for several seconds and then faded away. Raising his glass, Paul saluted,

‘To friendship Jaimee. Hopefully a long-lasting friendship.’

‘And to you Paul. I have to catch my breath sometimes because we met as total opposites and yet here we are drifting together. For me, it’s been pleasant and very welcome. I sense we’re not opposites at all. (taking a sip of wine) Hmmmm . . . this is great. I love the taste.’

‘Thank you. (Again that enigmatic stare) Let’s order because I don’t know about you, but I’m starving.’

Surveying the menu, Jaimee finalized on a Caesar salad, without the poached egg. Paul ordered a lobster fettuccine and pepper sauce. Just then Jaimee’s phone rang.

“Hello, mother. Look I’m in a meeting and can’t . . . STOP IT! . . . I said stop it . . . STOP IT! I can’t . . .’ and rang off.

Paul looked a little confused.

‘Mother trouble?’

‘I’ll deal with her later. She can be a winging bitch sometimes. All she wants is attention and someone to share her misery. We don’t get on.’

‘(laughing) I can see that. Look, I’ve also got a difficult mother, so anytime you want to share stories or stick a pin into a voodoo doll . . . I’m here. Go one, take another sip of wine, you’ll feel better.’

And he did. And then another. He started to feel that alcoholic glow and now really relaxed. The meal arrived and they both dived into their food, accompanied by a second bottle of wine. Jaimee thought the Caesar salad was the best he’d had for some time. Relaxed and fueled by the alcohol Jaimee sat back and looked at the man sitting in front of him.

‘Ummm, man that was good. (hesitating) There’s something I’ve wanted to ask but I hesitate because it’s a bit personal. Tell me if . . .’

‘Hey man, just ask away. If I can answer you I will. If it’s too personal I’ll tell you to go to piss off, OK?’

‘(laughing) OK. It’s I’ve met both your folks and, forgive me for asking Paul, but you don’t look anything like your parents. Normally we resemble one or other of our folks, but you must relate to another part of the family? Am I being rude?’

Paul paused and looked at Jaimee before answering. A sad smile appeared on his face.

‘You’re very observant my friend . . . very observant indeed. (pausing to take a sip of wine) The answer’s very simple . . . I was adopted. (seeing the startled look on Jaimee’s face he continued) My dear mother couldn’t bear the thought of getting pregnant and losing her figure so she convinced dear dad to adopt . . . me!’

‘Wow! Look I’m sorry, I didn’t expect that and I feel bad because I’ve crossed a line and invaded your privacy. I feel such an idiot. Please let me apologize for being so crass. I wish I could take it back.’

‘Don’t, don’t feel bad. It’s not something I shout out, but also it’s not something I try and hide. It is what it is. They treated me well, gave me an exclusive education, helped me get my CPA, and looked after me. I never had a problem in the world until . . . until they made me take this job.’

‘Made you? What do you mean . . . made you?’

‘Look it’s a long story and I thought we agreed to not discuss business today. I’m enjoying having lunch and just chatting with you. Another time maybe . . . but not today, please?’

‘Of course . . . you got it. But I still feel bad.’

‘Oh you do, do you? Well, how about I return your serve and ask where you get your beautiful tanned skin from? It’s not from sunbathing, is it?’

‘(laughing) Touché! I deserved that. Quite a few generations back one of my ancestors was an Aborigine. Since then much Irish and Spanish blood has been added and the final result is . . .me. For some reason, nature decided to give me tanned skin, black hair, and almost black-brown eyes. Unfortunately, most of my family acquired Caucasian features so I stood out and had to endure much teasing. Before you ask . . . no, I don’t identify as an abbo and don’t indulge in winging about the lot of the Australian Aborigine. That doesn’t mean I don’t have any sympathy for some of their causes. In my opinion, there’s still a lot to be done to improve indigenous health and education. Ummm . . . I hope I haven’t fazed you.’

‘What! Of course not! I’m impressed and thanks for being honest. We shouldn’t concern ourselves about who we came from; the important issue is who we are today. I don’t know who my biological parents are so I honestly don’t know where I come from. All I know is I see before me a very handsome young man who’s a product of some very impressive ancestry. Now you never told me where you live or whether you live alone. How about sharing?’

‘Umm OK. I . . . err (taking a sip of wine). . . share an apartment in North Melbourne with a guy. When I started working I couldn’t afford to rent alone, so I found a guy to share who works in Real Estate. I own the lease, but we go halves in the living costs. Nothing too interesting there. Except for Mickey . . . the dog's mine. Now, what else is there? I’m an Aussie rules fan and follow the local North Melbourne footy team. My music ranges from Classical to romantic orchestral stuff. I also like music from the sixties and seventies. Blue is my favorite color . . . oh, and I love Indian food. Is there . . .?’

‘(laughing) No, that’s enough. But I’ve got to go to the loo; my bladder is near breaking. Excuse me.’

Paul stood up and headed for the loo. His bum, tightly encased in stretch jeans, ambled seductively across the restaurant.

Oh fuck! Just look at those glutes wobble. Is it intentional or unintentional? Jeessuus! Alcohol is definitely lowering my inhibitions. I wonder what his bum would look like naked. I’d love to see him stretched out on his stomach so I can pull those cheeks apart, get my tongue deep inside . . . OH SHIT! Stop It! Maybe I shouldn’t drink anymore because I feel naughty . . . very naughty . . Ahhh, he’s coming back.

‘(Sitting down) Ahhh, that feels better. I’m afraid I gotta weak bladder, particularly with wine. It seems to go right through me. Now . . . where were we, yes, I remember . . . I was about to ask what sport you play because I can see you keep yourself in top condition. How do you do it?’

‘Not something I talk about a lot, but . . . I’m a diver. I specialize in the 10 meter . . .’

‘What! you’re a diver? you launch yourself into space about 33 feet above the ground and hope . . .hope, you won’t break yer body into little pieces. That sort of diving?’

‘Pretty much so. Ummm, there’s a technique you have to master so you don’t get injured. Mostly it’s safe. The biggest danger with the 10-meter platform is hitting your head on the edge as you go past. Lots of divers have had very close shaves . . . some almost got killed. But forgetting the danger, it’s the most exhilarating pastime and sport. It’s a lot like bungee jumping without the safety restraints, you see what you have to do . . . Sorry I’m rambling on.’

‘No, no, go on . . . I’m fascinated, you’re either a bloody idiot or extremely brave. How do you train? I mean, I’ve watched some Olympic diving, and the guys, in particular, seem to be in perfect physical condition. How do you achieve that?’

‘Practice, a lot of gym work to harden leg and stomach muscles, and of course running. I run at least 5 km every day I can. Would you like to come watch the diving sometime?’

‘Oh you bet, I’d love to. Where do you dive?’

‘Oh here in Melbourne, at the Olympic Pool. It’s my club. Hey, enough about me what about you? How do you keep in shape?

‘Oh, nothing exotic like you. I just swim, jog, and hit the weights whenever I can. I enjoy swimming because I find it peaceful and relaxing (suddenly pausing) Hey . . . how about we go for a swim . . . right now?’

‘Swimming? Now? I can’t, I don’t have any swimmers with me . . . and I should get back to work sometime this afternoon, after all . . .’

‘Nonsense! I’ve got swimmers and towels in the car. I always carry them in case I have a sudden urge . . . like I have now. Look, it’ll be fun . . . let’s live a little. I won’t take no for an answer Jaimee; the staff knows me here, they won’t mind if we use the facilities to get changed. C’mon Mr. Diver.’

‘Ok, ok. Let me make a phone call just to let my boss know where I am. How about you go get the gear and I’ll meet you back here.’

‘Ok . . . I’m off. This is gonna be fun.’

Jaimee immediately called his boss.’

‘Hi sir . . . umm Frank. Look I’m still at lunch with Paul Hudson and now he wants to go swimming. I’ve also had a bottle of wine over the last 2 hours so I don’t want to go back to the Team smelling of booze. Don’t worry, I haven’t discussed anything sensitive; in fact, we haven’t talked shop at all. I’m sorry, I can’t seem to shake him . . . would that be alright?’

‘(Chuckling) Sounds like you’re having fun. Best of luck. Look, we’ve all been in your situation many times and sometimes you just have to go with the flow. I appreciate you calling me Jaimee, that’s very responsible of you. Do you want me to call the Team?’

‘No, no . . . but thanks. Ummm, they’re my Team so I’ll just give them a call. I want to find out if they’ve had any luck with the Mortgage investigation. I’m really curious to hear what they’ve found. As soon as I know I’ll call you . . . Frank, and thanks again.’

By the time Jaimee finished his call, Paul returned with the swimming trunks and towels. He handed Jaimee a yellow pair of trunks and a large blue beach towel.

‘Best we get changed in the cubicles. I don’t think the other patrons would appreciate naked males in the restrooms. I’ll go first.’

‘What about our street gear? What do we do with them?’

‘The staff will look after them whilst we go swimming. We can change back after we’ve had our swim. Relax, it’s gonna be fun.’

Feeling a bit ostentatious, Jaimee followed Paul into the restroom where he disappeared into a cubicle. Jaimee followed on. Quickly discarding his work gear, he pulled on the swimmers which, surprisingly, fitted him perfectly. The yellow color looked good with his tanned skin. In fact, he knew he looked good anyway. Diving is an unforgiving sport if you don’t keep in superb form. Add to that, he’d honed his body so it was in perfect shape. Tossing the beach towel over his shoulders and packing his work gear neatly, he ventured outside . . . and froze.

Paul stood outside the Rest Rooms naked, except for his swimmers. His beach towel hung loosely around his shoulders. He had a classic swimmer's build, wide shoulders tapering down to a very slim waist, and powerful legs, you could classify his whole muscular structure as elegant. Swimming develops all muscle groups without defining any cluster in particular. In fact, Paul could have been a model, but to Jaimee, he radiated masculinity and, to a disconcerting degree . . . craving.

Oh shit, I’ve gotta watch myself or I’ll do or say something totally inappropriate. If he’s a wet-dream clothed, naked he’s pure lust. I could easily fall for this god-creature . . . NO! NO! . . . don’t go there Jaimee. It’s the wine talking . . . and you’ve got Simon . . . he’s your lover and partner.

Following Paul, Jaimee walked with some embarrassment through the Restaurant and crossed onto the beach proper. His eyes were transfixed on Paul’s bum, which, now freed from tight material, danced enticingly before him. Jaimee’s dry mouth needed more booze. Paul reached a spot on the white sand, and throwing his towel on the ground, began running towards the water. Mesmerized, and not taking his eyes off those fantastic glutes, Jaimee followed. Without thinking he reached the water, and dived,

‘(surfacing in shock) AHHH, OH SHIT! Fuck it‘s cold . . . . you bastard, you didn’t tell me the waters so cold . . . I’ll get you . . .you BASTARD!’

Jaimee surged towards a laughing Paul . . . no not laughing, but howling at Jaimee’s discomfort. Jaimee plunged towards him, and after a savage splash fight, caught Paul and tackled him aggressively. Down into the freezing water they wrestled, adjusting to the water temperature, but also enjoying the masculine contest. Because of his height Paul gradually got the better of the match and finally restrained Jaimee in a head-lock . . . before setting him free. By now the exertion and exhilaration warmed Jaimee and he took off swimming for a few meters before he realized Paul was racing beside him. Using all the leg-power he could muster Jaimee plowed on. After about 20 meters he looked up only to find Paul way ahead.

‘Alright, alright . . . show-off! yer a great swimmer. I can’t wait to take you up the 10-meter dive platform and push you over. I bet you’ll squeal like a pig.’

‘NEVER! I can’t stand heights . . . only in yer dreams, buddy . . . only in yer dreams.’

As both now felt comfortable with each other and the water temperature, they drifted side-by-side chatting about nothing, until Paul said,

‘I’m getting cold, lets gets some sun to warm us back on the beach. C’mon, I’ll race you back.’

Eagerly Jaimee followed Paul out of the water and they raced to where their towels lay. After drying himself, he lay back to enjoy the sun’s warmth. Sitting together on the towels they let the afternoon sun do its magic. No conversation, but just nice camaraderie. Then came the sound of approaching feet and suddenly, the drink waiter appeared with an iced wine cooler and an opened bottle of white wine. Setting it down next to Paul he explained,

‘Sir, compliments of the management, we’d like you to have this excellent bottle of a local Riesling which we thoroughly recommend. I’ll leave you to pour. Please enjoy!’

A little confused but thoroughly appreciative, Jaimee looked at Paul.

‘Did you organize this? (Paul shrugged non-committedly) I mean if you did it’s brilliant. I can’t think of a better way to end a perfect afternoon than to sip cold white wine on a sun-soaked beach . . . and in great company. Thank you Paul for a wonderful lunch; I mean that sincerely. I haven’t done something like this for a long, long time, you’re definitely on my Christmas card list.’

‘Stop being so melodramatic. Shut up and drink; enjoy the wine.’

Taking a gulp of a crisp, slightly fizzy Riesling, Jaimee sat back and just let the magic of the surroundings envelop him. They chattered about nothing whilst enjoying the wine. Every so often, Jaimee would chance to look at Paul as he lay back on his elbows.

He . . . He’s so bloody gorgeous. The way he’s laying I can see his abdominals poking through. If only I had x-ray vision. I can see the outline of his cock but oh . . . I’d love to go down and take his manhood in my mouth and . . . and . . . STOP! FUCKHEAD!

Paul had been silent for about five minutes and seemed to be gathering himself to say something important. Then,

‘What I’d like to do is have a date with just the four of us, my fiancé Jenny and one of her friends. Would you be up for that?’

That’s when the afternoon’s magic shattered into a million fragments.

Never, in any adverse scenario, had Jaimee considered being placed in such an impossible position. The well-being he’s felt throughout this fantastic afternoon vanished completely. Automatically, he drained his glass. He could feel Paul’s eyes focused on him, but he couldn’t return his gaze. His mind became embroiled with emotions of firstly fear, then anger, then despair, and finally resignation.

I can’t say yes! . . . I can’t say no! . . . If I say yes then I’d be condoning a lie. I’d be saying I’m ashamed of who I am. It would be a disaster and eventually, the truth would have to come out. If I said no I’d have to have an explanation or an excuse for saying no . . . another lie. NO MORE LIES! . . . I HAVE TO TELL THE TRUTH! . . . Sure, I may as well lose the team because certainly, the Hudsons wouldn’t want a queer leading their audit. My future with the firm? They can’t fire me for being gay . . . NO! But there are more subtle ways of terminating a career. But what the hell! At some time I have to be honest . . . at least to myself and to hell with everybody else. No Jaimee . . . you’ve run out of excuses. It’s now or . . .

‘Jaimee, Jaimee . . . what’s wrong, you’ve gone a little white. Even with your tan, you look a little pale. What’s wrong buddy? Have I offended you?’

Still not being able to meet Paul’s eyes, Jaimee sighed, a deep sigh of resignation, and manned up . . .

“Paul, thank you for that offer but it won’t work . . .it just wouldn’t work because you see . . . you see . . . I’m . . . I’m gay.’

Having uttered the truth Jaimee just stared at the water and the images of Melbourne’s skyline in the distance. He waited for an outburst . . . and waited . . . and waited.

‘Jaimee . . . Jaimee, please . . . please, look at me.’

So he turned around in resignation to look at Paul . . . at a Paul who was smiling and holding his hand out for Jaimee to shake.

‘(Confused) What? . . . Did you not . . .?’

‘Yes, of course, I heard you. Now take my hand and let’s shake because I’m gay too.’

It took only a moment before Jaimee realized what had happened. Then taking Paul’s proffered hand,

‘YOU CUNT! (returning the handshake) you trapped me! All of this was about me admitting being gay! . . . the car . . . the lunch . . . the wine . . . swimming. OH MY GOD! I’ve been seduced like a young virgin . . .it’s . . . it’s, wonderful. Oh my God, you sneaky bastard. But I’m . . . I’m so flattered. No one has ever done this for me . . . ever. I’m really delighted. So now I don’t have to hide perving on you. Ever . . . ever since meeting you that first day I knew . . .’

‘Yep! Me too! Since that morning you’re all I can think about. I won’t tell you how, but I sneaked a photo of you and have been jacking off watching your image. I’ve also been having dreams about being inside you and . . .’

‘STOP! STOP! Please this is a public beach and I’m getting excited. So . . . so this means today is really about you and me, nothing to do with business. I . . . I thought . . . well, you might be pumping me for information. I started off being wary but now . . .well. SHIT! Am I dreaming?’

‘(Chuckling) NO, not dreaming, you’re not dreaming . . . that’s been my problem. I love you Jaimee, I’m not just in love with you, because I simply love you.’

‘Wait! What would’ve happened if I had accepted your double-date offer? Wouldn’t that . . . ?‘

“Oh, I just would’ve told you I’m gay and live with the fallout. But I know how forthright you are and knew you couldn’t lie about who you are, you just couldn’t involve yourself in any deception. That’s what I love about you. God, I really need to kiss you right now! Here . . . in public! Can I . . .?’

As Paul moved to kiss him, the real world came crushing back to Jaimee. In all the excitement he’d forgotten . . . Simon.

Oh no! He’s about to kiss me and I want him to kiss me but that’s dishonest. If I kiss him back that’s only gonna lead to sex; no matter how I‘d love that, I’m not gonna cheat. I can’t do that to Simon. He deserves better . . . much better.

‘Paul . . . please Paul . . . don’t. I . . . I . . I didn’t tell you but . . . I’ve got a boyfriend, and . . . and . . . I can’t cheat on him. It’s not right . . . I’m not like that.’

Paul’s face simply crumbled and he couldn’t cover the look of distress writ large across his features.

‘Oh shit! Oh Shit! I never even thought . . . I didn’t think . . . FUCK! How arrogant I am. Of course . . . Of course. Someone like you would surely have a lover. Wait . . . wait, I take it the flatmate? . . .’

(Hesitantly) yes! . . . yes, his name’s Simon, and we’ve been together for a while. (Long pause) I’m sorry Paul, really sorry . . . you’ve been so wonderful . . . and, OH GOD!’

Why do I feel such a heel? This beautiful man has gone overboard to express his love for me and now I feel as if I’ve stabbed him in the heart. Why is falling in love so painful? I haven’t done anything wrong, but I feel guilty . . .and I really do want to kiss those lips . . .and then . . . OH FUCK IT!

When Jaimee next looked at Paul his eyes were glassy and there appeared to be a suggestion of a tear on his right cheek.

‘Jaimee, please don’t stress yourself because you’ve done nothing wrong. In fact, the goodness of your heart only makes me love you even more. I’ve met some sleazebags in my time, but you . . . you’re an angel of purity. I wonder if I really deserve you, you certainly deserve someone better than I, and I hope this Simon understands how lucky he is. At least . . . at least we know we’re both gay so I suppose that’s a breakthrough in itself. Of course, this is just between the two of us, eh? It goes no further.’

‘For shit sake Paul, don’t be so fucking noble! You can’t believe how wonderful today’s been and I feel I’ve let you down somehow. You’re a wonderful person Paul; were I to be free I’d make you happy . . . but now I’m so miserable because I’ve made you sad. This is all fucked up!’

‘That’s life . . . that’s love.’

‘So what do we do now, Paul? I mean we’re working together so we can’t hide, can we? I need to keep seeing you even if it’s just friendship but . . .’

‘Can you give me some hope baby? I mean are my feelings reciprocated at any level? Just something I can hang . . . OH CRAP! I shouldn’t ask you that. I’m being mean.’

‘Paul, no you’re not! I do have feelings for you . . . strong feelings for you. We both knew that first day that something existed between us. Let’s just try and go forward and see what happens. I do know, right now, I want . . . no need, to kiss you badly. But if I did that I couldn’t stop going all the way. And that would be wrong. It would be wrong for both of us. Look, I’m no angel as you said; I’m a red-blooded human male who has needs, and I’ll get right down in the dirt to satisfy those desires. Shit! This is so hard.’

‘Hard? . . . more Traumatic . . . for both of us. Look, the sun’s westering and it’s gonna start getting chilly. How about we head back, get dressed and drive back. We can talk on the way home. But firstly . . . thank you for being honest, and for being you. If nothing further happens between us I know I’ve had the privilege of spending a day with a very unique person. C’mon, let’s go.’

OH FUCK! Why did he have to say that? I feel so fucking miserable.