The Unwanted - 4. Part 4 The Warm Winds from the South

Oslo, July 2016

 

The orange former Army four-wheel drive truck with the attached trailer entered the city of Oslo. In it were an adult man, in the first half of his forties, two young boys and a huge black-white- and grey husky, that looked curious out of the window. To the defense of the dog, it must be said he wasn’t the only curious one: the two boys looked equally inquisitive and fascinated by what they saw in the first big city of their lives.

Although Oslo is certainly not in the same league of other big European cities, like Berlin, Paris, London or Amsterdam, not to mention New York on the other side of the Atlantic, and rather a kind of backwater capital, for two boys, who grew up in a small town in the rural and quiet Finnmark, it looked as a real time big city. Impressed they looked at the many cars and busses that were in the streets. They saw a real tram, something undreamt of back home in Karasjoki. Hordes of pedestrians were on the sidewalks, all hurrying in every thinkable direction. As relaxed as Karasjoki seemed, so stressed appeared Oslo.

“Have you ever been in Oslo, dad?” Eidno asked.

“Yeah…”, the man remembered, “But that was a long time ago. I was here during basic training when I was just drafted”.

After searching for a long time on internet the boys had found a two-room apartment in a working-class neighborhood not too far from the university, that was at least more or less affordable with their combined government study grants. Now Eidno’s father was trying to find his way to the street, where the apartment was, after a three day’s trip. He had given up his summer leave to bring the boys and their belongings to their new domicile for at least the next four years.

“You have to turn right here, dad!” Eidno said after looking on the city map.

His father dutifully turned right but they ended up in a labyrinth of small one way-traffic streets, driving around for more than an hour, only to find out that they had lost the biggest part of this timespan driving in circles around the street they were looking for. But at last, they were where they wanted to be.

Their apartment was on the first floor of a total of three floors. Below them was a baker’s shop, always convenient to buy fresh bread in the morning. The apartment was somewhat dilapidated, but not that bad, that it couldn’t be made livable in a couple of days of hard work.

After four days all was as they wanted it to be. There was new paint on the wooden parts of the apartment, the little furniture they had stood where it had to, new pots and pans were placed in the kitchen cabinets and they had been doing some preliminary looking around to get their bearings in this strange city. Eidno’s father said his goodbyes and started the truck for another three day’s journey back to Karasjoki.

In the evening both plunged on their new double bed, both tired after a long trip and days of hard work. But both also felt intensely happy!

“Finally, our own place for the two of us”, Mihkkel sighed blissfully.

“Yeah,” Eidno smiled, “And no mum who doesn’t want you in the house. Because we decide who comes in here, not she!”

Eidno put his arm around Mihkkel’s shoulder and drew him close.

“One of the best things I did was to become friends with you at primary school”, he said softly, “But the best thing I did is, that I more or less forced you to show yourself stark naked and then to let you touch my dick, there on the river bank”.

“That ain’t true”, Mihkkel giggled, “I was happy to have my swimming trunks torn off my ass. But…eeeuhhh…weren’t you afraid of doing that?”

Eidno thought it over and answered:

“To be honest: yes! I knew I was taking a risk. What if you didn’t go along? I guess you would have run away, would break all contact, maybe even mark me as a dirty fag at school. But…as we both know…you didn’t”

“I couldn’t do that!” Mihkkel reacted, “I was head over heels in love with you!”

“And me with you!” Eidno said.

“And now, my sweetest, here we are! Starting a new life, a life without silence! Actually, I hope a life with lots of noise!” Mihkkel whispered dreamy.

With a twinkle in his eyes Eidno looked at him and suggested:

“How about making some noise then?”

“You naughty boy!” Mihkkel giggled.

They had their first sex in their own apartment. There was no parental control or even resistance, there was no hostile town around them. Nobody could frown on them or have an opportunity to disturb them while doing it. They had it in complete, unrestricted freedom.

Afterwards, when they lay side by side, satisfied and exhausted, Mihkkel broke into an uncontrollable giggle. Eidno looked amazed, not understanding what was so hilarious, so he asked:

“What’s so funny?”

“Sorry, I had this crazy idea”, Mihkkel giggled on.

“What was it?”, Eidno asked, curious which idea might possibly cause so much laughter.

“I sure hope we didn’t wake the neighbors. It could damage our reputation as decent boys”, Mihkkel said, holding his belly in laughing.

Eidno broke in roaring laughter as well and, panting for breath between the laughing salvos, he said:

“Oh shit, yeah, this isn’t Karasjoki, where the next neighbor is a hundred or more meters away”.

When they calmed down, they embraced another time. Mihkkel put out the bed lamp and kissed Eidno with a

“Sleep well, my sweetest!”

“Sleep well, my dear”, came the whispered reply, followed by a tender kiss.

Soon they were asleep, the first night in their own place, that still smelled of fresh paint. So every now and then one of them woke up from an unusual sound, a passing car in the street below them. Both shrugged it off; they would get used to that in no time!

 

Living in Oslo proved to be more than a haven of freedom only, as they found out pretty soon. They had their first dose of real Oslo life a few days after moving in, when they came back from Migás’s morning rounds. While Mihkkel fumbled in his pocket to search for their apartment key, a young man came down from one of the upper floors. He was in his beginning thirties, his hair already getting thinner. He looked at them with surprised and curious eyes and with a kind smile on his face he said:

“Oh, hei…are you the new guys in this apartment?”

“Yes, sir”, Eidno answered.

“Oh please, don’t call me sir. Everybody calls me Olav”, the man smiled, extending his hand. They shook hands and introduced themselves.

“Where are you from, boys?”, Olav asked cheerfully.

“From Karasjoki”, Mihkkel replied.

Olav looked as if the answer was incomprehensible for him and stammered:

“Kara…how did you call that? And where is that?”

“In Finnmark”, Mihkkel smiled.

“Oh, and what were you boys doing there? Constantly lying in the solarium?”, Olav asked, his face betraying he found his question very amusing.

Mihkkel and Eidno looked at him, not understanding what the man meant.

“Well”, Olav explained, “As far as I know Finnmark is always dark and the two of you look if you are constantly walking in lots of sunshine”.

“Oh no”, Eidno replied in all his youthful nescience of big city behavior, “We’re Sami”.

Olav’s inviting smile disappeared as if by magic and his eyes changed from curiosity to some kind of disappointment.

“Oh, are you?” he said disillusioned, “Well, as long as you don’t park your reindeer herds in the street it’s fine with me. Might get messy if you do”.

Without saying another word, he turned around and descended the stairs to the building’s entrance, disappearing in the street.

Mihkkel was dumbfounded. The only thing he could get out was:

“Huh?”

Eidno shook his head in disbelief and said softly:

“Must be somebody who didn’t get over primary school. I mean: Finnmark is in eternal darkness and there are only reindeer there!”

“Guess you’re right!”, Mihkkel agreed.

Undisturbed and actually laughing about it they went in to have breakfast, unaware of the fact it wasn’t just an incident.

 

Oslo, October 2016

 

It took them some time to get used to their new surroundings, but especially after the lectures at the university had started and forced them in a certain rhythm, they found their niche in Oslo.

They started to like the city. They could share an apartment without having to lie about the nature of their relationship. There was no reason to lie, because no one asked about it. After they had seen couples of men and couples of women walking hand in hand on several occasions, they decided to do that as well. Despite the many people passing by, nobody noticed it, took offense at it, had cast disapproving glances on them or had commented it. In Oslo being gay or lesbian seemed to be as normal as drinking a beer in Karasjoki. For them it was a freedom they had never known before. There was no longer fear for a possible new repercussion for their “immoral” behavior; there was no pressure to prove they were men as well.

However, along the way they vaguely noticed that this freedom had at least one negative side as well. In the beginning they were unable to put their finger on it. It seemed to be a small number of unrelated incidents.

It was Eidno, who mentioned it as first. He came home after a long day at the university and it was quite clear he was annoyed about something.

“What is it, honey?” Mihkkel asked over dinner.

Eidno told, how he had been talking with some other students after the lecture, when one of them asked him if he was Norwegian. Seeing no reason to be ashamed about his ancestry he had answered he was half Sami. Another student in the group apparently found that amusing, because he asked:

“Oh, so you are going to specialize in reindeer treatment?”

It caused a roaring laughter in the group, especially when Eidno had answered truthfully that he was intending to specialize in dogs, if possible in working- and racing dogs. But he had the strong suspicion, that no one in the group was interested in it or had even listened to him, because the laughing continued unabated.

“I really felt embarrassed”, he complained, still irritated, “Does the whole south thinks, that Finnmark is only about darkness and Sami about reindeer? This Olav upstairs also had that same funny reaction. Remember?”

“I admit their perception of Finnmark is pretty limited”, Mihkkel conceded, “But honey, can you blame them? Let’s face it: we had a narrow perception of the south ourselves, when we were living up north”.

“Hmm”, Eidno hummed, “OK, you’ve got a good point there!”

Trying to cheer his friend up a bit, Mihkkel said:

“Let’s call it the Reindeer-syndrome. Ain’t that a good idea?”

Despite his morose state of mind it even made Eidno laugh.

But over time Mihkkel started to notice as well that people shunned them or looked at them with funny glances. It was not about their being gay. It even happened when being among other gays. But what was it then? Was it their dark complexion?

 

Even among the students there are the “happy few”. They don’t have to worry about the money, daddy pays it all: he pays the study, the amorous escapades, the having fun downtown, the holidays; just name it and daddy will pick up the tab.

Eidno and Mihkkel were not among the “happy few”. They had to scrounge a living together from their limited government study grants, leaving no space to do more than studying and paying the rent. And since they wanted to do more during their Oslo study years and enjoy it as well, they had to find jobs.

Mihkkel hit the jackpot. Now his tanned skin, long black hair and deep brown eyes gave him an advantage, suggesting a certain Mediterranean heritage to the non-initiated in the south and it landed him in a waiter job in an Italian restaurant. To perfect his Italian image, he even learned the typical accent, that Italian-origin people had, when they spoke Norwegian. His very modest part-time job wages and the tips gave them a bit leeway to do more than being at the university or staying at home.

 

Oslo, May 2017

 

Mostly they ended up in the London Pub, a gay bar downtown. It was for the biggest part frequented by older gays, but they didn’t mind. They were not looking for new boyfriends or for sex. They were still enormously in love with each other and as far as sex was concerned: both had all the sex they needed and wanted at home and there was no requirement for an “outside provider”. They only wanted to go there to meet like-minded new friends, to drink a beer and to chat with people.

After things were getting along pretty tense in the beginning, they felt accepted by the other visitors after a while, but they couldn’t help the feeling they were only accepted as a welcome exotic addition to the Oslo gay scene, a feeling that kept nagging them.

It was not said, that all was positive. At occasions they were treated rudely, simply because they looked differently. At other times they were verbally abused as “ignorant primitives”, something they thought funny in a way, considering the fact, that they were both studying at the university.

But this May Friday afternoon things happened, that more or less confirmed their suspicion. They were drinking their beer, observing the crowd, when an elderly man came towards them.

For his age he looked handsome: he was large and slim and his muscles could be discerned under his tightly-fitting clothing. His hair was a light grey and neatly trimmed. His eyes were a bit inquisitive, when he said:

“Hei, boys. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you around here before”.

Eidno shrugged and replied in a neutral conversation tone:

“Must be coincidence, sir. We have been living for almost a year now in Oslo. But being students, we have to be careful with our money, so we don’t come here every weekend”.

“Ah, OK”, the man said with a smile, “What are you boys studying then? And where are you from?”

They answered both of his questions. The man looked insinuatingly at them and asked:

“From Finnmark? Ah, you boys happen to be Sami then?”

Both nodded.

“That’s funny”, the man grinned, “I didn’t notice any reindeer parked outside”.

Eidno rolled his eyes in irritation and took a long swig of his beer without answering. But Mihkkel asked in an overdone kind tone:

“Does it hurt, sir?”

The man looked at him, clearly somewhat confused and more than somewhat annoyed.

“What do you mean?” he asked irritated.

“Well, I mean, does it really hurt, this Reindeer-syndrome?” Mihkkel asked, smiling in mock sympathy.

“Huh? What is a Reindeer-syndrome?” the man asked, unknowing to what Mihkkel meant.

“The main symptoms are, that the patient considers Finnmark to be in eternal darkness and that all interesting about Sami is their reindeer”.

Eidno grinned at his friend’s magic stroke. The man was not amused and stiffly said:

“Sorry, I didn’t want to offend you!”

Then he turned his back on them and walked back to the counter, where he started talking to another older man, this one somewhat thick with a small belly hanging over his belt. Mihkkel kept an eye on them.

“That was magic”, Eidno said, still grinning, “You are a genius in finding exactly the right answers at exactly the right time”.

Without taking his eyes off the two men Mihkkel replied:

“Not too soon, dear. I think there will be a part two as well!”

It turned out that Mihkkel was right. After a few minutes the thicker man was walking towards them, stood in front of their table and said jovially:

“Hei, boys. My friend told me you are Sami”.

They nodded at bit apprehensive.

“OK…then, boys…what I want to know…where did you leave the reindeer herds? Did you park them in the park?”

It looked as if he found his own remark incredibly amusing, because, immediately after saying it, he broke in roaring laughter, using both his hands to hold his belly.

Mihkkel looked him straight in his eyes and with an overly acting harrowed pose he said, sarcasm dripping of each word:

“Oh my, oh my, it looks like the Reindeer-syndrome is contagious as well. I certainly hope it is not becoming epidemic”.

The bellowing laughter stopped there and then. The thicker man’s face turned red, he mumbled something, turned around and walked back to the counter as well without saying any further word.

“I’m fed up with this”, Eidno said angry, emptying his beer, “Let’s just go home, sweetheart”.

Mihkkel nodded wholeheartedly. He also emptied his glass and both rose and left the bar.

They walked home in the evening, their faces dimly illuminated by streetlamps and the light coming out of the many bars and small restaurants, that lined the street. Mihkkel looked at Eidno’s face. It made him crystal clear that his friend was brooding on something.

By surprise Eidno stood still, right in the middle of the sidewalk in downtown.

“Goddamned!” he yelled.

“What is it?” Mihkkel asked baffled.

“What is this?” Eidno continued to yell, “At home we are accepted as Sami, but rejected as gay. Now we’re in Oslo and we’re accepted as gay, but ridiculed and humiliated because we’re Sami. What are we? Are we the unwanted? Are we the eternal unwanted, wherever we are?”

“Slow down”, Mihkkel tried to calm his friend down.

“No, damned”, Eidno almost screamed, “I won’t calm down! I’m fed up with being unwanted. I might as well hang myself!”

For a second Mihkkel looked at him perplexed. Then he turned, placing himself right in front of Eidno and took him by the shoulders. Sharply he said:

“You listen to me now: don’t say such foolish things! Maybe you’re right: maybe we are unwanted back home, maybe we’re unwanted here as well. But it doesn’t matter, because there is always one on this damned globe who wants you. And that is me! I need you like the air I breathe and the water I drink to stay alive. So, get off your uptight, indignant cockhorse and come home with me”.

Eidno laid his head on Mihkkel’s shoulder and whispered:

“I feel I could cry right now!”

“Then do it!”, Mihkkel said softly.

“Here? In the middle of the street?” Eidno asked shocked.

“Why not?” was the only answer.

Eidno shook his head and whispered in Mihkkel’s ear:

“No, I don’t need it any longer. The idea, that you want me, makes me feel a whole lot better!”

They took each other’s heads in their hands and kissed, long and intense. It was not a kiss out of lust, but a kiss out of sincere love; it was a tender kiss. People passed by but no one seemed to be shocked by it. It were just two boys in love in the middle of some Oslo downtown street. Maybe someone smiled at the sight, but they were too absorbed in each other to take notice of it.

When they ended their kiss, Eidno whispered:

“What made me deserve this?”

Mihkkel only giggled and said:

“Just because I felt like it!”

They took hands and walked home at ease, where Migás was impatiently waiting for them.

 

June was brutally sunny and hot, causing them to go to the Bygdøy nude beach regularly. To put it more specifically, once they had discovered this nice spot, they went to a small stony beach on the shore of the Oslo Fjord, where the gay guys gathered on hot and sunny days and that had prosaically been dubbed Homolulu Beach. Here they swam and sunbathed and enjoyed the sightseeing of cute men and boys. But they weren’t that blind, that they didn’t notice they were also the target of lots of “visual attention” from other men around them.

On an afternoon about halfway the month they came on Homolulu Beach and they sensed right away that there was some buzzing tension in the air, as if everybody was expecting someone or something. Neither of them had an idea what it was, so they just rolled out their towels, undressed and lied down to enjoy the sun.

A small distance from them was a real cute, slim young boy. His short blond hair shone in the sun and his young body started to get a slight tan, as if he hadn’t been sunbathing very often. He looked admiringly at the two of them and smiled at them with a blinding smile, showing his pearl white teeth.

“You guys look as if you had plenty of sunbathing”, he said cheerfully.

Expecting another dose of Sami-humor Eidno hid a smirk, whispering a “Not again!”

“We’re always like this”, Mihkkel answered unreservedly.

“Really?” the boy asked, “How come? I’ll be honest with you: it’s my first time here. It took me some time before I had the balls to take all my clothes off.”

“Because we’re Sami”, Mihkkel said matter-of-factly, adding: “But as far as you taking your clothes off: there’s nothing you have to hide or to be ashamed of”.

The boy seemed to ignore the implicit compliment and exclaimed excitedly:

“Wow…hey, guys, you know: I’ve been fascinated by your culture for years now, but up to now I haven’t met a live Sami yet. I’m so fascinated by it, that I want to study anthropology when I’ve finished school”.

Mihkkel laughed and said:

“Then this is your lucky day! You’re meeting two of them at the same time”.

“Great”, the boy said, casting another gorgeous smile, “By the way, I’m Duart. May I ask you some things about your culture?”

Eidno and Mihkkel introduced themselves as well and Mihkkel gave the boy a go-ahead as far as the questions were concerned, in fact feeling pleased or maybe even honored by it.

It became a long and very nice talk. Duart was really interested. When they came to the end of it, Mihkkel asked:

“But Duart, maybe you can explain me one tiny thing”.

The boy nodded, so Mihkkel asked:

“Why is everybody around here so terribly excited today?”

“That’s pretty simple”, Duart replied, “The Pride is next week”.

“The what?” Mihkkel asked, having never heard that pride can cause such a general excitement, especially when it is somewhere in the future.

“The Pride!” Duart smiled, “Don’t you know what it is?”

Both Mihkkel and Eidno shook their heads, questioning eyes aimed at the boy.

“Hey, guys, where are you from? From the moon?” Duart asked laughing.

“No, from Finnmark”, Eidno answered with a grin.

“Ah, yeah…in that case it might be better you had come from the moon then!” the cheeky answer came back. There was no mock or venom in it, it was just a good-humored, comical answer, made in a positive way, so both friends laughed about it.

“But what is this…this Pride?” Mihkkel asked.

Duart explained what the Pride was, in a colorful and detailed way. Both his listeners liked what they heard: a huge gay party, here in Oslo, with gays from all over the country coming. When he had finished, Eidno said:

“Sounds like great fun! Are there any Sami there as well?”

Duart shrugged and replied:

“I don’t know. Haven’t seen any, as far as I know”.

“Well”, Mihkkel said with a large smile, “There will be at least two of them this year!”

 

Yes, they partied heavily at the Pride, especially during the Parade.

“Look at all those people!” Eidno exclaimed excited when he saw the thousands, maybe even tens of thousands of people along the route of the Parade, “Don’t tell me that they are all gay!”

“No, silly”, Mihkkel laughed, “A lot of them are just people who want to see the Parade”.

Putting his arm around Mihkkel’s waist Eidno said with a jubilant smile:

“I don’t think my mum wants to see this. She might suffer a heart attack”.

Mihkkel looked in his eyes and said:

“Forget her for today. Just have fun, my love!”

When they finally got home, they were tired as a dog after running the Finnmark Run.

“Besides…”, Mihkkel giggled, “I think we’re broke!”

Eidno laughed and said:

“Oh well, it’s almost the end of the month. We’ll have to live on sandwiches and peanut butter then until the next grants come in”.

 

Summer did not simmer down, so they went to Homolulu Beach pretty often during their holidays. So every now and then they saw Duart again, on other days they looked around for him to no avail. This was one of the days on which none of them saw a trace of Duart.

They laid baking in the sun when Mihkkel said:

“What a shame he isn’t here. I kinda like him. He has a cute tight ass and…well actually, his whole appearance makes him a real cutie”.

“Do I sense reasons to become jealous?” Eidno asked in a menacing low growl.

“No, sweetheart!” Mihkkel said laughing, “I’m just teasing you a bit. But you have to admit he is kind a cute. But what is more important: he is kind, he is friendly. I really like him”.

“Yes on both points!” Eidno confirmed, “I like him too”.

Both dozed off a bit, enjoying the hot sun and the warm breeze on their skins. But it didn’t take long before Eidno opened his eyes again and asked:

“How long do we know each other now?”

Mihkkel thought it over and answered:

“I guess twelve years, maybe thirteen. Why?”

“And eeeuhhh…how long have we been lovers?” Eidno asked.

“I know that exactly”, Mihkkel smiled, “Almost on the day four years!”

“That’s a long time, my love”, Eidno said pensively.

But then he abruptly stopped talking, seemingly dozing off again. Mihkkel looked at his beautiful face, smiled over his luck and dozed off as well. That is: for another ten minutes. Then Eidno asked:

“Does this remind you of something?”

“What do you mean?” Mihkkel asked surprised.

“I mean just the way we are lying over here, enjoying the sun and the warm wind from the south”, Eidno said lazy.

“To be honest: it doesn’t ring a bell with me”, Mihkkel shrugged.

“Doesn’t it?” Eidno inquired, a slight measure of disappointment in his voice, “Doesn’t it remind you of our afternoons on the sand beach along the river, between the spruces? Where we lay down in the sun and the southern wind as well?”

“Oh…”, Mihkkel giggled, “But we did other things there as well. Or have you forgotten about them?”

Now it was Eidno’s turn to giggle. With dreamy eyes he said:

“Don’t make me think about that. I might be tempted again to do it right away”.

“Maybe I let you!”, Mihkkel sighed blissfully, “But not here”.

Silence returned between them. Both slumbered off again in some realm of semi-conscious nebulosity, in which they noticed the things that happened around them but were dreaming at the same time.

That is why Mihkkel heard it when Eidno softly said:

“Four years…that’s a long time!”

“Huh?” was Mihkkel’s only reaction, rudely awoken from his reverie. Coincidentally he looked directly in Eidno’s sparkling steel-blue eyes when he heard him say:

“How would you feel about a little ceremony?”

 

The ceremony that Eidno was referring to and to which Mihkkel had agreed that enthusiastically, that all other visitors of Homolulu Beach on that day looked up in surprise, was a lonely and somewhat sad affair.

They sat side by side. Eidno’s mother had refused to attend, because she didn’t want to be present at some “godless play”, as she had called it. Eidno’s father didn’t come, because he wanted to avoid even more problems as he already had with his wife. And Mihkkel’s mother was unable to come for the simple reason, that she couldn’t afford the flight tickets.

The only people present at the ceremony were the city official, who would be conducting it and, by lack of own witnesses, two city officials who acted as such. Despite all this both Eidno and Mihkkel felt intensely happy.

When all the prescribed questions had been asked and the required and correct answers had been given, the city official said:

“I must admit…I’ve got a problem now!”

Both looked at him in shock. Did this mean that the whole thing was…?

But the man laughed and said:

“Normally I say now that you may kiss the bride. But with the two of you I have no idea who the bride is and who the groom. But…doesn’t matter, boys: you may kiss each other now!”

And they sure did! Slowly their heads came together and their lips touched, as coy as the very first time on that sandy beach. But once they did, it seemed as if they wouldn’t part again.

When their lips finally separated, Mihkkel whispered:

“Hei, husband!”

Eidno looked in the deep brown eyes, deep as a fjord, and barely audible he said:

“Hei, husband!”

When they left city hall Mihkkel stopped and pulled Eidno against his body. Another kiss followed. Then Mihkkel laid his lips against Eidno’s ear and asked in a low whisper:

“I assume you want to avoid any furious marital quarrels?”

Eidno looked at him in shock and muttered:

“Yes, of course!”

“Then listen very well, my sweetheart. No matter who doesn’t want us for whatever reason, always bear in mind, that there will be one on this world who wants you! Don’t you ever forget that…unless you want to have a giant fight on your hands!”

With brows touching they looked in each other’s eyes, both smiling brilliantly. Then Mihkkel said:

“Come on, honey: Migás has to participate in our wedding party. I even bought some fresh meat for him!”

“Only for him?” Eidno asked laughing.

“No, dumbo, of course for us as well”, Mihkkel said, shaking his head in mock disbelief.

Since there was no limousine waiting for them, they walked to the bus stop hand in hand to take the bus back home.

 

Oslo, January 2018

 

Traditionally the university had opened again in August the year before, so both Eidno and Mihkkel were in the treadmill of lectures and working- and study groups again. But they praised themselves lucky to meet with Duart again on Homolulu Beach at one of the last sunny holiday days. The boy told them that he had enrolled at the university and was on the brink of starting his anthropology studies.

But Duart wasn’t alone on Homolulu Beach that afternoon. He brought Jensynn with him, his boyfriend, an equally handsome boy, who was studying to become a teacher. While in the bus on the way home it had prompted Mihkkel into the teasing sigh:

“Oh, what a shame! But I could have figured that a cute boy like Duart wasn’t single”.

“Watch what you’re saying, husband!” Eidno growled in response, but with smiling eyes, only to add:

“But I must confess, that I think Jensynn is a gorgeous cutie as well”.

“Shut up, you disloyal animal!” Mihkkel said back in playful anger.

Actually, the teasing and teasing back showed they were happy with their new friends, because that is what they became: close friends, just two young gay couples having fun. Mihkkel and Eidno really loved the idea, that their Oslo world had expanded beyond just their inner circle of the two of them.

So every now and then they went to Duart’s and Jensynn’s place or the two boys came to their apartment. Then they talked, listened to some music, drank a few beers and just had a good time the four of them.

This January evening Duart and Jensynn were the guests in Eidno’s and Mihkkel’s apartment. Over coffee they just chatted over everyday things, like how Christmas had been, but after the beer had been fetched from the refrigerator things started to change.

Unexpectedly Jensynn asked:

“How did the two of you meet? I mean, Finnmark is a pretty large area I’ve heard. Did you meet over some gay site?”

“No”, Eidno said, “We were in the same primary school and we simply became friends”.

He then told how things had developed between him and Mihkkel, including the fact that they were freshly married.

“Are the two of you married?” Duart asked excitedly.

Both Eidno and Mihkkel nodded.

“Since when?” Duart wanted to know.

“Since this summer”, Mihkkel answered with a proud smile.

“But, how did you guys get together then?” Eidno asked.

“Oh, that was pretty simple”, Jensynn said, “We’re both from Oslo so we just met in some club in town. And yes…it was love at first sight!”

The glance Duart threw at his boyfriend was an immediate proof of this claim, that was further augmented when the boys held hands for a few seconds.

“But…”, Eidno wanted to know, “Didn’t you get…how do I call it? Resistance, misunderstanding, disbelief or pure disapproval?”

Both boys looked at him, clearly not grasping what he was talking about.

“Well”, Duart said, “Of course even Oslo has its share of primeval people who detest gays, but the majority doesn’t care”.

“And your parents?” Mihkkel asked.

“They didn’t mind”, Jensynn replied, “Actually, when I came out my mother said she had expected it”.

Eidno and Mihkkel looked at each other, clearly dumbfounded by what they heard.

“Honey,” Mihkkel asked, “Are we really born in the same country as they are?”

Duart picked up the meaning of what Mihkkel was saying and reacted with:

“Maybe in a different part of it”.

“Yeah”, Mihkkel said slightly sad, “Maybe you can use it in your study. Let’s call it the dark side of the Sami culture”.

Duart shrugged and said thoughtfully:

“Each culture has its dark sides, so I assume the Sami culture is no different. But tell me about it, if you want to”.

Eidno and Mihkkel told of their experiences while they were together at home as lovers, as gays. Both other boys looked more and more impressed and when the story had ended, they said astonished:

“Wow, that is totally different from what we experienced. Or maybe…it is better to say: it is totally different from Oslo”.

Jensynn thought it over for a short while, but then said:

“Forgive me for asking, but…if the two of you have been together since primary school, does that mean you had no sex with any other guy? Only with each other?”

Eidno laughed somewhat acid and said:

“I guess that the choice for that was very restricted! Apart from the fact, that it never came up in my mind”.

“But would you like it?” Jensynn asked.

Eidno looked at Duart. The boy made no objections what so ever, as if Jensynn’s question was perfectly normal for him. He looked at Mihkkel in confusion and said:

“What do you think?”

There was no reply. Eidno tried another escape route by saying:

“But isn’t it a sin to have sex outside the relationship?”

“Says who?” Duart said with a smile, “The church, I guess? The same church that taught you that homosexuality is a sin?”

Eidno had to concede that the boy had a strong point there.

“Eidno”, Jensynn said, “See it as friendship with an added advantage”.

“Do you do it with others?” Mihkkel asked.

“Yes”, Jenssyn answered, “But…”

He held up his hand and continued:

“Don’t get us wrong. We’re not fooling around. We’re not just for the grab for everyone who wants to get a go at us. We only do it with some good friends and we only do it with the two of us. If someone wants to have sex with us, it is exclusively in double-pack. And only if we like them both of us. But if you guys don’t want to, we’ll respect that and we’ll stay good friends anyway”.

Eidno looked again in Mihkkel’s eyes, who thought to detect a mix of distraction and desire in his husband’s eyes. When he was honest…he felt the same.

“Well, sweetheart, what do you think? You always said, that you thought that Duart was a real cute boy with a nice tight ass”.

Mihkkel blushed and glanced at Duart, who started laughing at the remark, but he gave Eidno his immediate revenge when he reciprocated with:

“Wasn’t it you, who I heard saying that Jensynn is a gorgeous cutie?”

Now Eidno was blushing as well.

Both the other boys were roaring with laughter now and with the last ice broken and the final demurs being cleared, all of them were naked on the thick carpet pretty fast. As was to be expected Mihkkel linked up with Duart while Eidno found himself being cuddled by Jensynn. It suited Mihkkel just fine. After seeing Jensynn’s dick in aroused condition he was actually amazed. He had always considered Eidno’s pecker large, but compared to Jensynn’s, it was almost a small, young tree.

With both lying on the carpet, Mihkkel started to stroke Duart’s soft, smooth buttocks, enjoying the soft touch under his fingertips. Duart looked at him, his green eyes sparkling with desire.

“So, sweetie”, he asked seductively, “You think my ass is cute and tight?”

“Well…yes…”, Mihkkel stammered, “But he shouldn’t have said that”.

Duart giggled and replied:

“Oh well, you had your revenge…but, sweetie, you want to know the inside of my cute ass as well?”

Mihkkel felt how his head turned red and stuttered:

“I…I…I never…I never fucked a boy before!”

Duart looked at him with open mouth of disbelief, saying:

“What did the two of you do then?”

“Eeeuhhh…well”, Mihkkel continued stammering, feeling ashamed, “Eidno… Eidno always…well, you know, he always fucks me”.

Duart laughed his sunlit laugh, his teeth flickering again, despite the dim light in the room. Then he said:

“Jensynn will like that. He loves picking cherries”.

“Picking cherries?” Mihkkel asked, not knowing what the boy was talking about.

“I’ll explain it some other time”, Duart said with a mysterious smile. Then his green eyes changed to undiluted lust and desire and he whispered:

“Shall I initiate you to the hot and willing boy’s cunt?”

Mihkkel was speechless and only nodded.

“Then eeeuhh…”, Duart continued, “Make me ready for you. Open me up”.

“How?” Mihkkel asked. Even in his wildest dreams he had no idea how he would have to do that.

“By licking my cunt”, Duart replied, eyes burning with craving.

Mihkkel was shocked by the answer. That would mean he had to lick the boy’s ass. The thought repulsed him.

“But, that is unhealthy”, he tried to talk his way out of it.

“No, it isn’t, sweetie”, Duart whispered, persevering in his heated smile, “We showered before we came here. Just look for yourself, it is totally clean”.

Duart turned around and sat on his knees. With his two hands he spread his buttocks, offering a full, free view on the sweet, tight hole between them. Mihkkel could only confirm in silence that it was indeed spotlessly clean.

Duart started to wiggle his ass a bit, as if he was literally inviting Mihkkel in. Mihkkel overcame his feelings of disgust and bent his head over. Carefully his tongue gave a single lick over the hole.

“Mmmmmmmmm”, Duart moaned, “Go on, sweetie!”

Once his feelings of loathing were thrown overboard Mihkkel did go on. He reveled the feeling of his tongue on the soft skin and the tight muscle and became hornier and hornier when he tasted Duart’s body fluids, that gradually trickled out. He used his fingers to carefully stretch the sphincter and once he succeeded, he pushed his tongue in as far as he could, licking the inside as well. In a way his world became smaller: he didn’t hear or see anything beyond the small universe, that contained him and Duart. He was fully absorbed in and content with licking the tight hole, so every now and then making an excursion to the soft skin of the inner buttocks or to the boy’s balls, that hung between his legs. While doing so he heard Duart moan:

“I’m ready for you, sweetie. Just do it!”

His eyes burning and his breathing already somewhat disrupted just from the idea what he was about to do, Mihkkel maneuvered into position and tried to enter the small slit. He managed to get his dick head in, but then it tumbled out again. It costed several frustrating attempts, making him feel hopeless but, suddenly, he managed to push the whole shaft in, a softly groaned “Aaaaahhhhh” from Duart confirming his success. He was certain, that this was what Duart wanted to express with his stifled groan, knowing full well that he always did it himself when Eidno penetrated him.

For the first time in his life, he felt the inner parts of a man. And he wasn’t disappointed. In silence he asked himself if Eidno felt the same when he came inside him, felt the same wonderful sensations of the soft trembling of tiny muscles around the shaft and dickhead. If he felt the contractions of the sphincter at the root of the dick, experienced the same warmth and softness pressing against his lance, as a warm velvet glove?

Without knowing it he let his arms grab around Duart’s waist and his hands slit over the boy’s abdomen, as if they wanted to check on the outside how deep the dick was moving inside, just to slide lower and grab Duart’s small but ramrod dick, that was dangling up and down with each of Mihkkel’s thrusts, where his fingers started to play with it and milk it. There was just the two of them, all around them was outer space without sound and without sight.

Both were rapidly moving towards their climax. Duart moaned and panted louder and louder, while Mihkkel felt the pressure building up in his groin. Suddenly he bent over and panted in Duart’s ear:

“I can’t hold it any longer!”

Just to be rewarded with the equally gasping answer:

“Then give it all to me! Please…!”

He gave it and he gave it all. Duart received it with head in his neck and eyes closed. Then Duart’s small dick started to shock and pulse. Mihkkell cupped his hand under it and caught most of the white gold in the cup. With gleaming eyes he licked each trace of the still warm sperm out of his hand.

The world around them re-appeared. Mihkkel heard Eidno making the high cooing sounds he loved so much hearing and he figured that Jensynn was sucking his dick. He looked to see what happened, to find out that Jensynn wasn’t sucking. Eidno lay, legs clamped over Jensynn’s haunches. Jensynn was between Eidno’s thighs, his dick deeply buried inside him.

In a way Eidno experienced the same Mihkkel had. It was not the way it was done, actually he felt it the other way around. But he finally had the chance to find out how his great love felt, when he entered him: the hard piston, that went up and down in the tight channel, the feeling of being filled up and of being pushed into a state of ecstasy. While he underwent the pleasure, he casted a look on Mihkkel, who was extremely occupied with fucking Duart. For a second Eidno felt doubt: should he be jealous and angry or should he just enjoy what he saw? He opted for the last possibility, deciding on the spot, that he also wanted to experience how it felt if Mihkkel would fuck him. Because, despite his elated feelings, he was well aware that there was a difference: Jensynn fucked him out of lust, Mihkkel would fuck him out of love.

He got it all, the whole experience. He cramped his belly muscles when he felt the warm flood entering him, sighing and panting while doing so.

Jenssyn kissed him and whispered:

“I had no idea you are a virgin, because that is how it felt”.

Eidno giggled and said:

“Small correction, my friend: I was a virgin!”

 

Although their shower couldn’t match the size of a ball room, they showered the four of them. It was a bit cramped but as luck would have it, they didn’t need much space. After Duart and Jensynn had left, Eidno and Mihkkel sat on their old couch, shoulder to shoulder and head to head.

“And”, Eidno asked with a smile, “Did you like fucking Duart’s cute tight ass?”

“Yeah”, Mihkkel answered, “It was kind of nice. And how did it feel to have Jensynn inside you?”

“It felt great”, Eidno said. For a moment he stopped talking but then continued:

“Somehow, I was constantly imagining that it was you, who was inside me. You know, sweetheart, I would really want to feel you inside me”.

Mihkkel looked in his eyes and whispered:

“Don’t get me wrong, Eidno: I like Duart as a friend and it was great to have sex with him. But…there’s only one person on the world I love!”

“I can only say amen to that, sweetheart”, Eidno concurred.

“But when I fuck you, it will feel different”, Mihkkel smiled.

“I know”, Eidno said, “It will be done out of love”.

Mihkkel laughed and said softly with seductive eyes:

“Yes, that too. But it was not what I meant. I meant, that compared to Jensynn’s cock, mine is just a dwarf. But eeuhhh, let’s try it out after I’ve tidied up here”.

“You still got energy left then?” Eidno wanted to know.

Mihkkel looked at him, gave him a soft kiss on the tip of his nose and purred:

“Honey, I would give my last cent and my last drop of sperm to you!”

Again, he topped it off with another kiss on Eidno’s nose tip and rose, took the empty glasses and walked towards the kitchen, saying:

“But first I’m going to tidy up a bit. And then we’re going to have some fun, just the two of us!”

It was not to be! Despite the late hour, the evening took an unexpected turn. While Mihkkel was washing the beer glasses in the kitchen, Eidno switched on the computer to check for any new mails purely out of habit. He saw there was one and looked at the sender.

“Mihkkel, your mum sent a mail” he said.

“What does it say?” it came from the kitchen.

“Wait a minute!” Eidno replied.

He started reading but with every line he read he felt the blood draining from his head.

“Well, what does it say?” Mihkkel pressed him from the kitchen.

“Sorry, sweetheart, I’m not going to read this out loud. You better read it for yourself”, Eidno said sadly.

Looking worried Mihkkel came. Eidno cleared the chair for him and hovered behind him, anticipating that he might be needed.

Not suspecting something Mihkkel started reading, but with each word his face became paler and paler and his eyes filled with tears. The mail read:

“My sweetest son,

It breaks my heart, that I have to tell you that your grandfather died this morning. He became ill some days ago, but his condition became that worse, that they flew him to Tromsø. The doctors there did their best, but they couldn’t save him.

I was with him when he died. His last words were for the two of you. I wrote them down to be sure that I would quote them accurately. They were: ‘Tell the boys I love them. Let them carry on the fight and achieve, what I couldn’t’.

Sorry to bring you such bad news, my boy. And to be honest: I need a good cry as well right now. I’ll be back later.

Love

Mum”

Mihkkel simply broke. He laid his head on the computer keyboard and his shoulders shocked, pressing the tears out. Eidno did the only thing he could: he just embraced his heartbroken love, knowing it was no use what so ever to say anything.

Oslo, December 2018

 

Both Eidno and Mihkkel were third year students now and their life together was rippling on. In a way they started to like big city-life with all its lures and distractions. Of course, there was the occasional distasteful remark about their being Sami, but they had learned to shrug it off and ignore the person who made it. On one such occasion Eidno said to Mihkkel:

“Two years ago, I would break his nose. Now I’m just ignoring it”.

Mihkkel had only smiled and whispered in Eidno’s ear:

“Maybe that means we have grown up, honey!”

They were still very close friends with Duart and Jensynn, Their visits to each other continued, as did their talks and four-somes, in different combinations and with different playful activities. All four just enjoyed their student life, as students should do.

One evening Duart, clearly beyond his tolerance for alcohol, came up with the bright idea to look for a bigger apartment, where the four of them could live together and buy a huge bed, where they could sleep and make love the four of them. The others, not far behind him in their state of drunkenness, joined in expanding this plan, but casting their eyes on their bank accounts the next morning had a very sobering effect. All understood, that their banks would not appreciate the full advantages of their plan. During their next get-together the whole plan died a soft and merciful death when Duart pouted:

“And it could have been so beautiful!”

But apart from these nonsense and student-like plans Eidno and Mihkkel were also thinking about more serious things. They were well aware, that their graduation was within about a year and the matter of what to do after that became of somewhat more urgency and importance than it had been two years before. No, it was not to be decided the day after, but it gave them the time to think things over and discuss it between them. And they did discuss it, actually it caused some minor conflicts between them.

Oslo might be considered an ideal place for a young artist like Mihkkel, as it was for a young vet like Eidno with the many vet clinics in town. But Mihkkel felt different: he felt himself too much a son of the Arctic and a Sami and wanted to use his art to support the rebirth of the Sami culture. In other words: as far as Mihkkel was concerned four years of Oslo had been great, but then he wanted to go back to Finnmark.

“Are you out of your mind?” Eidno cried out in disbelief when he had explained his thoughts about the future, “Do you want to support the rebirth of a culture, that has treated us as lepers, when we were there?”

“It is not about the culture, Eidno”, Mihkkel objected forcefully.

“What then?” Eidno asked somewhat sarcastic.

“Have you forgotten what my grandfather said? No, it’s not the old culture we are fighting”.

Eidno shrugged and sneered:

“But I’m still waiting for the answer on the question what we are fighting then”.

“Don’t you find it odd, that our own gods bless us and that the present religion demonizes us? That is what we fight: your old friend the parson and everything he represents”.

He pulled Eidno’s head to his chest and said softly:

“But better fight it out friendly between us in small parcels in the coming year than find out we’ve got a huge problem after we’ve graduated, don’t you think so?”

Eidno sighed and asked with a smile:

“Do all artists…think ahead like you do?”

Mihkkel laughed and replied:

“I don’t know. Maybe you could find it out with a survey or something like that”.

In reaction Eidno just groaned:

“Man, that’s way out of my expertise and it won’t help me very much in my thesis!”

“Oh”, Mihkkel inquired, “You got something for a thesis then?”

Eidno nodded and said thoughtfully:

“I was thinking about feeding patterns for sport sled dogs during training and during the race”.

“Under what title?” Mihkkel asked.

Eidno shrugged, he hadn’t thought about that yet.

Mihkkel looked at him with twinkling eyes, only to suggest:

“Put a picture of an eating husky on the cover and then the title: ‘Come on, boys: feeding time!’”

It made Eidno laugh, answering:

“Not very scientific…but yeah, I like it!”

 

The word “surprise” implies something unexpected. If one sees it coming, surprise is excluded by definition. Yes, there are people who are very good at feigning surprise, but that has more to do with the twists and vagaries of the human mind than with the actual surprising event.

No matter what, when Eidno switched on his computer about a month before Christmas to check for new e-mails, as he usually did before going to bed, he was unable to feign surprise, because what he read was that enormously dumbfounding, that he had to read it five times before he believed his eyes.

“Sweetheart”, he cried out breathless to Mihkkel, “Come over here and read this!”

Mihkkel came and read the message on the screen, reacting with a sole:

“Huh?”

The message read:

“Hei son, hei Mihkkel,

Sorry about all that silence from this side. That’s just what we were talking about, mum and I. And we, so mum and I, decided to invite you boys to celebrate Christmas with us, here in Karasjoki. Just let me know if it suits you.

Don’t worry about the flight tickets: I’ll book them from my side and you can pick them up at the check-in desk in Oslo.

We would really be thrilled if you boys can make it.

Love and stay strong, winners!

Dad!”

Mihkkel had to read it another time as well to be sure he had understood it the way it was meant to be understood.

“Your mum?” he murmured, “The one who has silenced you to death for years?”

Clearly in disarray Eidno could only shake his head in disbelief and whispered:

“I don’t know what has happened! I never believed in miracles, but I’m starting to question my opinion about them. But…what do we do?”

Mihkkel smiled and replied:

“There are two options: we go or we don’t go!”

Eidno sighed and somewhat reproachfully he said:

“Man, you’re a great help!”

“Sorry”, Mihkkel apologized, “I just wanted to buy time to think it over. But serious, when we go, we have the risk that Christmas will be hell. But on the other hand: maybe she saw the light and has accepted it and things might become all right again. If we don’t go, it’ll stay as it is. That is for sure! So…if you ask me: let’s go! It also gives me the chance to visit my mother. I want to ask her something”.

“What?” Eidno asked.

Mihkkel only shook his head.

“Secrets?” Eidno asked with a teasing smile.

“Jealous boy”, Mihkkel laughed, “I’m talking about my mother, not about Duart. No, there’s something that bothers me, but as long as I’m not sure what it is, I want to shut up about it. It is too important for me. If I’m wrong, it destroys something, something I don’t want to be destroyed”.

Eidno nodded in understanding, took another deep sigh and decided:

“OK, then I’ll answer dad we’ll be coming!”

 

Karasjoki, Christmas 2018

 

When they stepped into the arrival hall of the Alta Airport both were very certain, that they had never felt so tense before. Nightmares of ruined Christmas days with furious fights had been replaced with high hopes of some kind of acceptance and reconciliation, just to come back after pushing the more positive visions out of their minds.

They were wrong. While they drove to Karasjoki they both felt the tension in their bodies increase even further, causing belly aches, despite the cheerful chattering of Eidno’s dad about days long passed by, such as Eidno’s victory in the Junior Finnmark Run, appeared to have taken place in his previous life. But their nerves were really screaming through their throat when they stood at the front door of Eidno’s parental house. It flew open and out came Eidno’s mother.

Mihkkel was flabbergasted to see how she embraced her son and kissed him plentiful, interspersed with delighted cries:

“I’m so happy you’re here, my son! I’m so incredibly happy. I could almost cry!”

But Mihkkel was really doubting his common senses when the woman started to embrace and kiss him as well with excited remarks of how happy she was to see him.

Shortly thereafter they found themselves at the fire place in the living room, having coffee and cake. Both the boys felt at ease: everything was going smoothly and Eidno’s mother behaved as if she had never ignored her son. But then something funny happened.

When Mihkkel had to use the bathroom Eidno’s mother looked in her son’s eyes and asked:

“Does she take good care of you, honey?”

Eidno had no idea to who she was referring to, uttering with uncomprehending eyes:

“She? Which she, mum?”

“Well, Mihkkel of course”, she said, as if she was certain that she said the most normal thing in the world.

“Well, mum” he said somewhat sharp, “Last time I checked, Mihkkel certainly was not a…”.

From the corner of his eyes he saw the hand signal his father gave him. It was the coaching signal, meaning “Cut it now!”. On one hand it amused him, that he still recognized it flawless after all these years, but on the other hand he was irritated and started to wonder what was going on. Not willing to disturb the peaceful atmosphere he settled on obeying his father’s hand signal.

At the end of the afternoon Eidno’s mother said:

“It’s time to make Christmas Dinner for the four of us. Mihkkel, would you like to give me a hand in that?”

Mihkkel, always keen on cooking, saw no objections and the two of them went to the kitchen, leaving Eidno alone in the living room with his father.

“Dad”, he asked, “Why did you signal me to cut it?”

His father looked at him with a somewhat sad but understanding smile and replied:

“Years ago, upstairs in your room, I told you that she would get by, but I also told you that I had no idea how long she would take to do that. Remember that?”

Oh yes, Eidno remembered it vividly. It was the night when he feared a frightening frying, which, to his astonishment at that time, never materialized.

“Well, son”, his father continued, “Let’s say she is in some kind of intermediate state of getting by. I would have understood if you had objected, but it would bring nothing. It would only cause a fight and destroy more than it would do good. So…yes, I gave you the “cut it now”-signal”.

Christmas Dinner was without disturbances, not even small ones. When they had enjoyed it, Eidno’s mother asked:

“Mihkkel, would you be so kind to help me with cleaning up?”

Again, Mihkkel was perfectly willing to do so, but Eidno couldn’t help thinking he only did it to avoid confrontations and not because he wanted to out of his own free will.

Since it bothered him, he brought the subject up once they were in bed after a long, not unpleasant but at some moments tense day:

“Don’t you feel insulted or hurt the way mum treats you?”

“Why should I?” Mihkkel asked quietly.

“Honey, she treats you like a girl, a woman”, Eidno explained, “She refers to you as “she” and she gives you all the chores, that she considers typically female, like cooking and washing up. Don’t tell me you like it”.

Mihkkel shrugged and whispered:

“Slow down, sweetheart! I can’t say I really mind. Especially because I found out what she is trying to do in this way”.

“What is that?” Eidno asked surprised and curious at the same time.

Mihkkel grinned and answered:

“She’s only fooling herself. In a way she has finally accepted it, us being together. The only thing she hasn’t accepted yet is, that she has accepted it. So, she enacts a farce. She is afraid of losing face in town. I wouldn’t be surprised, that she even talks about us in town, only referring to me as your wife, maybe called Mikaela or something like that”.

“Now, that’s a nice name for you!” Eidno said laughing.

“Mind your words, boy”, Mihkkel said threatening, “I will accept it from my mother-in-law for the time being but I won’t accept it from you!”

“Sorry, love”, Eidno said, kissing an apology.

“And, besides…”, Mihkkel continued, “Why the fuss? Hey, as far as I am concerned today was a reasonable success. And tomorrow we are with my mother, so it will be relaxed then. The day after that we’re already flying back to Oslo. So, sweetheart, just take it easy!”

“Yeah”, Eidno smiled, “I’ll try. I’m only worried, that Duart and Jensynn are spoiling Migás to death”.

“Come on”, Mihkkel objected, “It was so sweet of them to take him for Christmas while we were away”.

“Yes, it was”, Eidno chuckled, “I’m sure Migás will see it the same way”.

He laughed out loud when he added:

“I hope, he will still come with us when we pick him up!”

 

Karasjoki, Boxing Day 2018

 

They heard the doorbell ring and waited, without feeling any stress or tension. The door opened and Mihkkel’s mother appeared, the same gorgeous smile on her face her son always showed, when he was happy.

“My boys”, she exclaimed, “I’m so happy to see the both of you”.

Mihkkel studied his mother for a few seconds. Yes, she had become somewhat older. The first strands of grey hair were visible at her temples, but for the rest her hair was still the same youthful raven-black he had known from toddler on. Her face was a bit older with small crow’s-feet at her eyes, but she sure didn’t look as if she was in her late forties.

She embraced and kissed the both of them and invited them in, guiding them to the kitchen, the place of so many fond memories for Mihkkel. The kitchen was always the place where life was happening in this house.

They sat, drank coffee and ate Christmas cake, that his mother had baked for the special occasion of her son and his husband coming to visit her. There was some small talk at first, but then Mihkkel asked:

“Well, mum, has something changed in Karasjoki or is it still a backwater town?”

His mother laughed:

“Well, well, you make it quite clear you live in the big city now! By calling Karasjoki a backwater town”.

Mihkkell smiled, feeling himself a bit guilty about his remark, but despite that he said:

“Yeah, we do. And to be honest: we love it over there!”

“Good for you”, his mother said with a soft smile, “You have to enjoy yourselves. There’s plenty of time for worrying later on”.

She sipped at her coffee and then said:

“But, about your question: yes, actually a number of things changed in Karasjoki”.

“Then tell us about it”, Mihkkel cried out curious.

“Where shall I start?”, the woman muttered, “Yes, the most important thing: we’ve got a new parson. Not my problem, because I’m not a member of that church, but it heralded big changes for most town folks”.

“What happened to the old fool?” Eidno growled.

“Ah yes”, Mihkkel’s mother smiled, “Your old friend, isn’t he? Well, he made the mistake of making some very unkind and insulting remarks in public about queer people. It seemed, that his superiors tried to bluebell the ground, but that didn’t work out”.

“Why not?” Mihkkel asked.

His mother giggled as if she was about to tell a good joke when she continued:

“The Sapmi Pride organization got wind of it, so as a protest they held the Sapmi Pride right here in Karasjoki, right in front of his church. It gave that much publicity that the parson’s superiors had to take a position. They did: they requested him kindly to retire. Hey, he was simply sacked, but in a more polite way!”

“Good for him”, Eidno muttered grimly.

“And now?” Mihkkel asked.

“We got a new parson, a young guy with totally different attitudes and opinions. And he really blew a fresh wind through the village. You guys know Aliisa Kristopherson? I believe she was in school with the two of you”.

“One year behind us, yes”, Eidno said, “But we know her”.

“Well”, Mihkkel’s mum continued, “she is the true example of this new wind. She still lives here in town, together with her girl friend from Kautokeino and both live to the principle “Fuck the ones who don’t like it”. I heard a rumor, that they are actually planning to get married in spring. And I even heard, that the new parson is going to bless their marriage”.

“Aliisa?” Eidno asked in surprise, “She once had a crush on me!”

Mihkkel’s mum just shrugged smiling and said:

“Belated jealousy, Eidno? No, just kidding. But it just shows that all kids have to find out at a certain age what they really are. Anyway, Aliisa came in the cafetaria one day. She started talking with me. She told me, that the two of you had been a great example and inspiration for her in fighting it out with the rest of the town. Really, boys, I felt so proud!”

Both boys saw that she tried to wipe a tear away secretively, but both ignored it out of respect.

“So”, she concluded with a somewhat choked voice, “yes…things have changed over here!”

Talk went back to the level of idle small talk but somewhere shortly before noon Mihkkel said:

“Mum, I want to ask you something. Something I don’t understand”.

His mother nodded with a “Go ahead, honey”.

“Well, mum”, Mihkkel started somewhat uncertain, “I don’t understand grandpa’s last words as you mailed them. This ‘Let them carry on the fight and achieve what I couldn’t’. I’ve read it time after time, thought it over many times, but I simply don’t understand what he means with it. Do you have an idea what he might have meant?”

A sad smile glided over his mother’s face and after a sigh of sorrow she said:

“I don’t know what it might mean”, emphasizing the word “might”, “but I know what it means!”

Mihkkel said nothing, but his eyes screamed out: “What is it?”

His mother looked out of the window but her eyes showed, that she actually didn’t see a thing. Then she started to talk:

“It is a question you should have asked your grandfather, honey. But since he is no longer here and able to answer you, I assume he won’t be angry with me if I answer it in his place. Let me begin and tell you that your grandfather was not from Karasjoki. He was a Sea Sami, coming from a small hamlet near Hammerfest. In his young years he was a rebel, always in trouble with the authorities. It actually ended him a few months in jail for doing a speech that was not looked very kindly upon. Remember, boys, these were the late 1950’s”.

She stopped briefly as if she wanted to think the next part over, but then continued:

“But he ended in jail for a second time, this time for three years. His only crime was, that he had loved another person, but this person happened to be a man”.

“Go to jail for loving a man?” Eidno asked in disbelief.

“In these days homosexuality was considered a crime, Eidno, so yes…he went to jail for that”, Mihkkel’s mother said.

“Mum…”, Mihkkel muttered breathless, “Are you implying…are you saying… that grandpa was gay? Just like me and Eidno?”

His mother nodded and said in confirmation:

“That is what I am saying, yes!”

“But”, Mihkkel cried out in confusion, “He got you. That makes no sense to me”.

His mother laughed and gently objected:

“The fact that men are gay and women lesbian does not rob them of the physical ability to have children. But…let me simply tell the story and things will get clear”.

“Sorry, mum”, Mihkkel whispered, “I guess I was too impatient and too hasty”.

She nodded with a forgiving smile and continued:

“When they released him after two years he was broken. He didn’t want to go back to his old hamlet, where everybody knew he was gay and that he had done time in jail for that. He knew, they would make his life unbearable there. So, more or less by coincidence he ended up in Karasjoki, where nobody knew him. He met my mother and married her, not out of love but only to avoid the silence. But mind you: that doesn’t mean he didn’t love my mother. Their love germinated and grew while being married. Then they had me. My mother died from a disease when I was five. Since then, your grandfather has raised me on his own. He is the one, who has taught me to respect all people, no matter what color they are, no matter which sexual preference they have or what religion. But he decided to stay on his own, afraid of being sent to prison for a third time”.

She took a second break, sipping her by now cold coffee. Then she continued:

“And then you came, honey. He loved you so much and promised me to teach you everything. And he really loved the way you could draw. He was convinced you would be a great artist once. And then, years later, Eidno came. You know, I saw him flourish again, as if he became years younger overnight, although in the beginning I had no idea why. Only after you told me you were gay as well and that you had something going on with Eidno, I understood. He was really fond of the both of you. And he really wanted, that the two of you could be happy with each other in the present world, a chance he was never given in the past world. That is what he meant with his last words”.

Both nodded silently, finally grasping the message of the last words of a wise, old man and they were deeply touched by it. Then Mihkkel said:

“That is why I couldn’t understand the words, when he sang that joik. It was in Sea Sami!”

“He sang you a joik?” his mother asked.

Both boys nodded.

“How would I have loved to be there as well that day”, his mother sighed, “He sang many joiks for me as well and he taught me the old Sami sagas. In a way…how do I say this? Maybe…just maybe…he sensed he was the last shaman in the old traditions of our people, the one who mediates between our old gods and the mortals”.

She shed a few tears, smiled sadly and added:

“But OK, I guess I’m a bit prejudiced”.

For a while they sat in silence, all absorbed by their own thoughts. Mihkkel’s mother broke the silence, when she said:

“Maybe he saw the two of you as suitable candidates to transfer the gift of shamanistic powers. Could well be he saw the both of you as fertile grounds to plant the seeds of that ancient tradition. Anyway, I never understood, what made him flourish before I knew that you were gay. I wouldn’t be surprised if he sensed it.”.

For a second time in his life Mihkkel stared at the darker brown stain in the kitchen table. He took a deep breath and then said:

“I told him. And I told him I was in love with Eidno. I told it before I told you, in fact. He even advised me to talk to you as well about it and told me not to be afraid of you, but I guess I didn’t have the balls to do that”.

“Why not, honey?” his mother asked gently.

“I’m not sure”, was the reply, “But…I think that the reaction of Eidno’s mother had something to do with it. I’m sorry about that. I’ve should have told you sooner”.

His mother laid her hand on the hands of both boys and said:

“Doesn’t matter!”

“Now I know what I felt, when he sang that joik”, Eidno muttered pensively, “It must have been the transfer of the tradition”.

Mihkkel laid his hand on his lover’s hand and pinched it softly. Then he asked:

“Mum”, I assume that grandpa is on the cemetery here in Karasjoki?”

His mother nodded.

“Can we go there? I have something to say to him!” Mihkkel said.

“Sure”, his mother said, “It’s still light outside, so why not?”

They pulled on their parkas and left the house, the three of them. After living in Oslo for a number of years Eidno and Mihkkel were used to walking hand in hand and without thinking they did that as well, in Karasjoki on Boxer Day. They saw some people, who were making a walk to get some fresh air after sitting inside all day. Nobody objected, nobody threw angry looks or made condescending remarks at them.

They entered the small cemetery and found the grave. Mihkkel, Eidno and Mihkkel’s mother stood side by side, hand in hand, and looked at the grave. Then Mihkkel looked in Eidno’s steel-blue eyes, his own deep-brown eyes filled with intense love, looked back at the tombstone and said:

“Grandpa, we just wanted to tell you, that we have achieved it. And the two of us will maintain the tradition, albeit in a more modern way. You can rest in peace now!”

The two boys embraced and Mihkkel’s mother hugged the young couple in their tender grasp. They stood in that way for a long time, until the midwinter sunset started to cast long shadows.

Yes, many people complain about the weather forecast, although they are mostly correct. But the forecasted weather tends to arrive later than was mentioned by the weather man. So, no one can blame the warm winds from the south to arrive at the place, where they were needed, somewhat belated.

 

Between Alta and Oslo, the day after Boxing Day 2018

 

The Scandinavian B737 had just taken off from Alta and was climbing to cruising altitude. On this day after Christmas it was not fully booked, since most people had a holiday week and most business men were sitting at home this day.

Among the few passengers in the aircraft were two young men, sitting side by side. One of them, a young man with long blond hair, bent his head towards the other and said:

“You know, honey. It sure looks things have changed over here. Listen…I know you want to go back after we have graduated. And I think it is a good idea. You would be living near your mother and that fabulous woman needs somebody near her, especially if that somebody is the only one left to her, her only son. So, I don’t mind if we go back”.

“But, what would you do over here?” Mihkkel asked.

“Hey, even Finnmark has vet clinics”, Eidno answered with his beaming smile, “I’ll find a way”.

Mihkkel laid his head on Eidno’s shoulder and softly purred in his ear:

“You are so incredibly sweet. Honey, I just want to sit like this until we land in Oslo”.

He confirmed his intention with a soft kiss on Eidno’s cheek.

“And then, after we land?” Eidno asked with a smile.

Mihkkel giggled and replied with teasing seduction:

“I’ve got some ideas once we have shut our apartment door behind us!”

“Sounds good!” Eidno murmured.

They sat, bodies close to one another, dreaming of all the things they would do once their front door was closed.

On the other side of the aisle, slightly behind Eidno and Mihkkel, a young boy, maybe fifteen or sixteen, sat beside his mother. Their features made it perfectly clear they were Sami.

The boy had already noticed the handsome and gorgeous young men, when they entered the plane. Now he was watching them intensely and thought:

“They are clearly in love with each other. Oh, man, how do I wish me a gorgeous and sweet man like one of those two. I would never leave him!”

The boy’s thought made it clear, that maybe the only way to end this story is with a quote from a somewhat whimsical and quirky Nobel Price-winner for Literature…

“And the Times, they are A-Changing”

…even in Finnmark.

Yes, the warm winds from the South had finally arrived. They brought the spring and, more important, they broke the silence.

And they had come to stay!

Post Script

 

Although all characters and occurrences in this story are fictitious, I feel the need to add a post script to the story.

I “dreamed up” this story after reading a scientific thesis with the title “The silence in Sápmi - and the queer Sami breaking it”, written by Ane Hedvig H. Løvold and published by the Arctic University of Tromsø in December 2014. It contained shocking details on how queers, no matter if they are gay, lesbian or transgender, were treated and it impressed me very much. Actually, quotes from interviews in the thesis had so much impact on me, that I decided to use them and blended them in in the story. In other words: some occurrences are not that fictitious, but are the sad experiences of people of flesh and blood, people like you and me!

The story is certainly not intended as an attack or a criticism on the Sami people. Actually, in its last chapter the thesis and the end of the story make clear that the position of the queers is rapidly improving in cold Finnmark.

Let us not forget, that the Sami were the victim of inner-European colonialization, a process that was done so thoroughly under the name of “Norwegianization”, that it destroyed their own social structures, religion, moral values and culture. It is good to see, that the present Sami are making so many successful attempts to revive their own culture again.