Come Back To Us - 29. Chapter 29

George was mad. He felt like hitting every single thing that was on his way. But that wasn’t something proper to do in a hospital or in your relatives’ house.

He was mad at himself for not being able to hold Karl back but he was also mad at the Dane for daring to leave him. How could have he been stupid enough to think Carl could care enough about him to choose him over his bloody country?

He needed to stay alone for a while, so he found an empty room and sat on the bed, creating a thud before he cupped his face in his hands. He remained like that for quite a while until he was disturbed.

“What is the matter? I can see that you are not focused. You should take a day off if you are in such a mental state. You will end up making a mistake if you keep going like this. No one will reproach you with it if you do. I will make sure of that.”

It was the old Doctor’s voice. He could easily recognise it.

“It would be much worse if I took a day off,” he replied in a low voice.

He rubbed his face with his hands before they slowly slid off it. He cast a glance at the elder who was leaning on the door frame. He sighed. His pain and inner conflict would never stop torturing him.

He heard the door being closed after a while.

“Would you like to talk about it?”

He waited for a response but as he had none, he proceeded.

“I cannot guarantee I will be able to do anything to help you, but words can help soothe our inner demons. Of course, anything you will tell me will not leave this room and will be free of judgment. You have got my word as a doctor. Secrecy is our keyword. So you can speak without fear.”

The way he spoke made him think he could trust him, but some people could easily deceive you. They could win the best award as actors had they chosen that career. But did he still even care at that point in his life? Well, no.

“There’s nothing interesting to say anyway. It’s just a love that is unnatural and was never meant to be.”

He guessed the silence couldn’t foreshadow anything good, but he really didn’t care.

“Well, if it is just about that, you are not the only one suffering from this. I, myself have fallen under the spell of an unnatural and forbidden love. I did not see it coming. My feelings were so slow to emerge but they are so strong now. I cannot struggle, let alone win this hopeless fight of reason against the heart.”

He looked up at him with eyes wide as they never had before. Did he mean…Could he really be into men too…? No, the was stupid. This couldn’t be the case. He would never admit it, unless…

“Some time ago I met a young and beautiful girl. She must be around your age.”

Oh. Well, his assumptions were wrong.

“Neither married yet or betrothed, surprisingly. And she didn’t seem to find any kind of interest in any boy or man in the city. But thinking of her ending up as a spinster is simply not possible. It would be such a shame. She has got all the qualities required to become the perfect spouse. She could make any man happy just with that sweet smile of hers.”

Well, it wasn’t that bad. Never falling in love and getting attached to someone with the heartbreak that went with it, and not being forced to depend on someone and raising children that you didn’t want. He could only approve it if it was her choice. The man sighed before he came to take a seat next to him. George took a glance at him. He looked tired and desperate.

“I have been married for more than forty years, and never had I thought about cheating on my wife until I met that girl.”

Well done. The old man was starting to succeed in making him feel bad for him. He sighed. When you really loved someone, you’d never think about cheating on them. But then he guessed this was just what was supposed to be in an ideal world. Or much more simply, the passion and love just weren’t the same as they used to be after more than forty years, which could be understandable he guessed. Except for weirdos like himself, who wouldn’t be attracted to a young and beautiful girl?

“You shouldn’t worry about it. It’s probably only some kind of infatuation that will end up fading away.”

“No. I know it is not. I have been living long enough to know what my feelings are.”

Well, okay…he shouldn’t attempt anything anymore if it was that useless. Hadn’t he got enough heartbreak to have to help with someone else’s anyway? If he didn’t love his wife anymore, what could he do about it? He was no psychiatrist.

The silence seemed to be endless as they remained still next to each other. He guessed he should get back to working instead of doing nothing.

“And do you know what is the worst part of this story?” The old man questioned as he was sitting straighter, putting weight on his feet to stand up.

“No.” But I feel that you’re going to tell me all about it.

He waited for quite a while before he spoke again.

“She feels the same about me. She really cannot account for it anyhow.” He paused for a while. “Love is such a strange thing. We even kissed once.”

For Hell’s sake, he didn’t want to be given any further details.

“It would have been much easier had this love been unrequited. I could have lived with it.” He paused again. “At first, I thought she just felt that kind of affection that a granddaughter would feel for her grandfather. She has never known either of her grandfathers. That is why I thought she was just looking for that feeling; to know what it was like to have a grandfather. But I was so wrong and so unaware that she wanted more. How could I have ever suspected that?”

Maybe that girl was just twisted, just like he was himself. What else could he infer? If some men were into men, why couldn't young girls be into old men? Or…perhaps she was a really good actress who had just been manipulating him and who was just interested in his wealth?

“How did you meet her?” He asked as he glanced at him.

The man was silent again for another while.

“She is the daughter of an old friend of mine. He is a doctor like me, although he is a bit younger.” Another pause. “She has been helping as a nurse since the beginning of the war in this hospital. You may have run into her. There was that time when her father invited me over for dinner, this was when we kissed. Yet we were careful not to get caught red-handed of course.”

Well, if he already had, then he hadn’t paid attention. Yeah, well, this was the typical way of meeting someone who can become a potential love interest. Or else, there’s that way when they come to live in your family’s house because they arrived from another country and have nowhere else to go. This is a much more original way to fall in love.

“Except for her being young, beautiful and with a sweet smile anyone would kill for, what makes her so special?” He asked out of the blue because he guessed he needed to make sure of why this kind of thing could happen.

It took some time for the man to reply.

“It is not just about that.”

You don’t say?

“She has got that type of personality that is so lovable, although I have met many women like her until now, she has got that little something which I cannot pinpoint but that makes all the difference. It may sound stupid, but that is just how it is. Love does not follow the rules of reason.”

Yes, he was right, and that was why he didn’t like it.

“One man can be attracted to hundreds of women in the world, but one woman must be really special to be able to stand out in all that endless crowd and find the key to the man’s heart.”

Those words made no sense to him. Though they were perfectly full of meaning. He would never understand anything about love. He needed rational explanations to make sense of things.

“And even if you’re not attracted to someone in the first place, you can still fall in love with them…”

He saw the man glance at him from the corner of his eye.

“Well, if you learn to get to know them, and grow close to them, yes, that is undoubtedly possible, and if you ask me, this is the truest and purest form of love. Love is not about idealising your partner. This is also about accepting each other’s flaws as well as weaknesses, supporting each other through the worst times. Some people tend not to believe in love and only marry for their personal interests and this is their choice, but they are wrong. Love is not a choice. It is unpredictable.”

Great. This was really helping him.

He couldn’t unclench his jaw and his whole body was aching for his warm embrace and kisses. He clenched his fist. He could never forgive him for leaving him. He made his choice and he was clearly not good enough for him.

“What about this girl now? Could you have a talk with her to clarify the situation?”

He wasn’t surprised to notice the man kept quiet for another long moment.

“Yes.” He paused. “I told her that if we started a relationship, it would simply lead nowhere. She has got a life to live and I have lived mine.” He paused again. “I thought about leaving the hospital to retire, but I love my work too much. Besides, I think I need to see her, even if it hurts to know I cannot be with her. We do not talk anymore. She is angry with me for my decision. I can see it in her eyes, but she knows as well as I do that I am right. She simply cannot admit it.”

Wow. This was really joyous. If he went on, he could just go take a scalpel and take his own life away.

“I cannot dare imagine what would happen if her father learned about all that. His friendship is precious to me. Trust me, his wrath would be nothing compared to the war itself.”

He raised both eyebrows as he tried to imagine all the ways the man would torture him before killing him.

They both kept quiet for another long while, and his heartache made him want to punch a wall once again.

“What about you? What is the story of your unnatural love?” The man questioned and he cast him another glance.

Clearly, he didn’t want to talk about it.

“Well, I should get going now. Thanks for taking that precious time of yours to say with me.”

He stood up swiftly and left the room, not bothering to close the door behind him. There were no secrets to be shared anymore.

He didn’t know how the man would behave with him from now onwards but there was one thing he knew for sure.

He loved to hate that thing that was called “love” with a burning passion.

***

When he went back home, his aunt, uncle and Paul were waiting for him in his room. They all looked like someone had jut been killed, concern and pain written all over their features.

"What's going on? Why are you all looking so livid?"

It took them a lot of time to answer, which only made his heart beating faster.

"Folks, seriously? What's going on? Tell me for bloody Christ's sake!" he demanded.

It seemed that none of them could speak. It was suddenly reminding him of a too painful memory to be remembered. His heart skipped a beat as his stomach ached. Nathan's death. And now, could it be... No...

His uncle sighed.

"The RAF station in Northolt was bombed by the enemy last night," he ended up saying, his tone grave and solemn.

His heart skipped another beat as he suddenly could no longer breathe.

"No..."

That couldn't be true...

"But Carl is safe along with his Danish older friend, a Lieutenant General. They have only been injured but were taken care of rapidly enough," his uncle hurried to add.

Breathing became much easier after hearing that. He sighed as he momentarily squeezed his eyes shut.

"Bloody Hell, you've scared me to death! Don't ever to that again!"

"This kind of news is always difficult to announce, even though there are no death to weep for," his uncle replied calmly.

George sighed again.

"May I remain alone now, please?"

They looked as if they hadd wished they could discuss this all together, but this was certainly not something George wished to discuss with anyone. There was nothing else to say.

"George..." Margaret started but he knew he shouldn't yield, even though he meant to had to raise his voice.

"Please," he insisted firmly.

"Naturally," his uncle ended up saying afetr a few moments of silence, and he led the way for the two others who followed him reluctantly.

Once he heard the door closing, he walked towards the bed and fell flat on it, and stared at the ceiling.

He wiped the tears gathering in the corners of his eyes before they could fall. He really had to get used to that.

He mustn't have suffered enough like that. Then so be it.