Guidance - 1. Chapter 1

Ryan’s telephone rang shrilly at 6 PM. He glanced at the caller ID, and answered the call quickly. It was his husband, Doug, who was clear across the continent where it was only 3 PM. He had been away on business for almost two weeks now. Ryan missed him terribly.

“Doug, honey, is everything all right? Is anything wrong?”

“No, I just wanted to let you know that my flight is delayed. It’s some mechanical problem, but it’s being repaired, and they tell us we’ll be airborne in about two hours.”

“Thanks for calling,” Ryan said. “If you hadn’t, I’d be worried sick.”

“Listen, I’ll be getting in very late, so don’t come to the airport. I’ll grab a cab or UBER or something.”

“That’s fine, but I won’t be able to sleep until you get home. I’ll be in bed waiting for you. Neither of us is going to get much sleep tonight.”

“Promises! Promises!”

Three hours later Doug’s plane took off. Fifteen minutes later, the aircraft blew up. Obviously, the mechanical problem was not fixed properly. There were no survivors.

Ryan was right about one thing. He didn’t get much sleep that night. On the other hand, his husband began the big sleep, his eternal sleep.

******

None of us knew what hit us. Fortunately, when the plane blew up, we were all killed instantly. Nobody suffered.

Everything around me was so eerie. I was floating in some dark abyss. Gravity was non-existent. I didn’t see any of the other passengers. That seemed strange to me.

I thought about Ryan. I so wanted to be with him. The moment I wished that wish, I found myself in our bedroom. Ryan was awake, as he promised he would be. He was watching some re-run comedy on the TV set in our bedroom. I called out to him, and threw my arms around him. He just kept watching the TV and ignored me completely. I kept shouting his name, but he didn’t seem to hear me. I was beginning to panic.

I ran into the bathroom. I wanted to wash my face, hoping I would awaken from this nightmare, but things kept getting worse and worse. I looked in the mirror and I couldn’t see anything but the wall behind me. Why couldn’t I see myself? Then I went to turn on the tap, and I couldn’t hold on to it. The tap acted like a mirage. I saw it, but it wasn’t there.

Suddenly, I was floating again, but I was in a better place than before. The sky was azure blue, and wispy clouds were all around me. I came down to sparkling green grass. It was beautiful, but I didn’t want to be there. I shut my eyes and willed myself back in our bedroom. A miracle happened. I was back home immediately. It occurred to me that I could wish to be someplace, and I was there. I was getting more and more confused, and more and more frightened.

I was so tired. The fatigue I felt was incredibly debilitating. I couldn’t help myself. I literally collapsed on my side of the bed. I was on top of the covers, and I couldn’t grab them so that I could slip beneath them. Ryan kept staring at the television. He was no help at all. When I looked down at myself, I was naked. I wanted to hunker up to Ryan, but when my head hit the pillow, I fell fast asleep.

When I woke up, I was alone in bed. It was daylight, but the room wasn’t very bright. I looked out the window, and saw that it was raining torrents. When I fell asleep, the sky was as clear as a mountain pool. The moon and stars illuminated the night sky. There was no hint that rain was coming.

I jumped out of bed. I wanted to find Ryan. I found him sitting at the kitchen table. He was staring into space. There was a cup of coffee in front of him, but it was ice cold and obviously Ryan had never touched it. He badly needed a shave. It looked like he hadn’t shaved in a week or longer. His eyes were red and puffy. There was no doubt that he had been crying. Why? I was home and we were together. I called out to him, but he was still ignoring me.

Suddenly our doorbell rang. Ryan never moved. “Come in,” he yelled. “It’s open.”

My best friend, Archie, rushed in. Archie and I have been friends since preschool. We came out to each other at an early age, but we were never an item. We were brothers after all. He and I had a double wedding on the same day.I married Ryan and he married Ted.

Archie took one look at Ryan and shouted out, “You can’t go on like this, Ryan. It’s been three weeks since Doug died. You’ve got to get hold of yourself. Let me help you shave and shower.Then I’ll get you dressed, and take you to your office before you lose your job. I’ll pick you up after work, and I’ll take you to dinner. Do me a favor. Don’t argue with me. Just do it. I’ll call Ted and ask him to join us.”

IT’S BEEN THREE WEEKS SINCE DOUG DIED. Those words hit me like a sledgehammer, but suddenly everything became clear to me. I was killed when the plane blew up, along with a couple of hundred other people. Why wasn’t I in heaven or hell? What was I doing back in my own house?

My question was answered. I don’t know how, but I did know that Ryan was so broken up, so suicidal, that I had to save his soul. I was the only one who could. It was my mission.

I was sure he couldn’t hear me, but I yelled out, “Ryan, please listen to Archie. That’s an order.”

Ryan sat bolt upright in his chair, and looked all around the kitchen. He was frightened, and Archie asked him if something was wrong.

“Nothing’s wrong,” Ryan answered. “Please help me, and I’ll do what you ask.”

Ryan stood up, and Archie helped him to the bathroom. “Shave and shower,” he said.” “While you do, I’ll lay out clothes for you to wear to work.”

Ryan nodded, and the house seemed to brighten. I looked out the window. It had stopped raining, and the sun was trying to poke through the clouds.

When Ryan came out of the bathroom, he was naked, but he looked a hell of a lot better. His eyes were still puffy, but the shave made him look human again. Ignoring Ryan’s nudity, Archie enveloped him in his arms. Ryan rested his head on Archie’s shoulder, and Archie whispered in his ear, “Doug was like a brother to me. I’m mourning also, but together we’ll get through this.”

“I’ll try,” Ryan said, “but it’s so hard. I feel Doug all around me. I even hear his light snoring at night. He’s here with me now. I know.”

“Of course, he’s here,” Archie said philosophically. “He’ll always be in your heart, but he’d want you to live, maybe to find someone to love. It won’t be anyone to take his place, but I know you. Your heart is big enough to find love again. I know that to be a fact.”

At last, Archie helped Ryan dress. He took his hand and said, “Let’s get going. We haven’t had breakfast. I’d like to stop at a coffee shop before I take you to work.”

“I don’t know if I can eat,” Ryan sobbed.

“You will. I’ll see to it.” Archie yelled at Ryan, so I yelled louder. “Eat something, dammit.”

Ryan stopped sobbing. He stood straight. “Yes,” he said, “I’ll eat something.”

I sat down in the back of Archie’s car and went into the coffee shop with them. For the first time I realized that I had no hunger pangs, nor did I desire to eat. Like everything else, it was a strange feeling.

In spite of their promises, they both ate very little, and then they continued on to Ryan’s office. Ryan was an exec at a successful export/import firm. When they got there, Archie took Ryan’s hand and walked him to his boss’s office. He knocked politely, and heard Mike Wagner tell whoever it was to come on in.

When Mike saw Ryan, he jumped up and embraced him. “It’s so good to have you back,” he said. Thank God he didn’t say, “I’m sorry for your loss.” Ryan thought that if he heard that platitude one more time, he’d barf.

“I’m sorry we didn’t give you any warning that Ryan would be back today, Mr. Wagner,” Archie said, “but I literally dragged him here.”

“Well, good for you. I appreciate it,” the boss said.

“I’m leaving to go to work now, Ryan, but I’ll pick you up at the end of the day, and we’ll have that dinner I promised you.”

Mike put his arm around Ryan’s shoulder. “Before you get back to work,” he said, there’s someone I’d like you to meet.”

He led Ryan into a small office, which had been vacant since Ryan started working there. When Mike opened the door, Ryan was surprised to see a handsome young man behind a desk. The once empty room was now a fully furnished office.

“I’d like you to meet Richard Foster,” he said to Ryan. “I hired Richie as a temp in your absence, Ryan, but we are so swamped I asked him to stay on as permanent staff. And this is Ryan Blakely,” he said to Richie.

Ryan and Richie shook hands. Richie’s heart skipped a beat.

“Why don’t you take Ryan into his office, Richie. Give him some of your work load, and fill him in on what he’s missed this past month.”

“Sure thing, Boss.”

Once again, I can’t explain how I knew, but I knew immediately that Richie was gay. I also saw him as someone that Ryan could fall in love with, and spend his life with. That would be something to which I would give my full blessing.

I knew that it would be a formidable challenge. Ryan was convinced that he would never fall in love again. I hoped that eventually he would get so lonely, he might bend a little.

Suddenly, that feeling of utter fatigue took over my body again. I knew it wasn’t my corporeal body, and I wondered what it was. I gave up wondering, and wished myself home again in my bedroom. There, I lay down on my bed, and slept again.

******

When I awakened, the house was dark and quiet. Ryan wasn’t home, so I willed myself to be with him. In a flash, I found myself in Archie and Ted’s dining room. They were eating dinner and Ryan was their guest. I was pleased to see that his eyes were not red and puffy anymore. He was his old handsome self. I wanted to hug him, but I knew now that it wasn’t possible.

Ted was pouring coffee, and Archie was lecturing Ryan. “Look.” he said, “it’s time you cracked the shell you’re in, and hatched. That guy Richie in your office is nuts about you. I can see how he looks at you whenever I come to your office to pick you up to go somewhere. Why don’t you ask him to have dinner with you one night.”

“I don’t know, Archie. I’m just not ready yet. I don’t know if I’ll ever be.”

“Okay, so go slower. You two guys are co-workers for heaven’s sake. What would be so terrible if you asked him to have lunch with you one day soon? It’s been almost two years, Ryan. At the very least, get yourself laid. I know Richie wants it.”

IT’S BEEN ALMOST TWO YEARS. Archie floored me. Time was measured differently in the strange world I found myself in. I thought I had slept only one night.Time spans were nothing like when I was alive.

Archie and Ted were trying to fix up Ryan and Richie, just as I was. I vowed not to give into sleep again, and to work full time on my mission. I loved Ryan too much to see him so lonely, and time was going by too quickly.

The next morning, I went to work on the bus with Ryan. It was early, and he found Richie in the employees’ lounge having a cup of coffee and a donut. Richie saw him and his eyes lit up.

“I stopped at Dunkin’ Donuts and bought a half dozen donuts,” he said. “Have a cup of coffee and a donut with me.”

“Don’t mind if I do. I’ll be right back after I hang up my jacket.”

All the way to his office, I kept yelling as loud as I could, or I believed it was as loud as possible, “Ask him to lunch. I’m ordering you.” I said it repeatedly, but while the two men were having their morning coffee, Ryan made no move to ask Richie to lunch, so I tried something else.

I kept whispering the same thing in Richie’s ear. I was getting a little despondent, but suddenly, Richie asked. “Are you doing anything special for lunch?”

“Not really. I usually have a BLT and a cup of coffee at the corner coffee shop.”

“I’d love to join you, if you don’t mind,” Richie said.

He held his breath until Ryan said, “Sure, it’ll be nice to have company.”

Things were working better with Richie than with Ryan. I figured it was because Ryan was so resistant. I began to work on Richie. I kept whispering in his ear, “Ask Ryan to have dinner with you.” I said it repeatedly. I could tell that he was trying to say something, but the poor guy couldn’t get it out. He was afraid of Ryan’s reaction. Hell, I decided to say the same thing to them both, as often as I could, “Ask him out to dinner.”

Finally, at the end of the work day, Richie ran into Ryan’s office. Ryan was just straightening out the papers on his desk prior to leaving.

“Please,” Richie said, “I’ll be disappointed if you say no, but I’ll understand. “Will you please have dinner with me Friday night?” Once again Richie held his breath waiting for an answer.

“Ryan didn’t even hesitate to say yes. “Tell you what,” he said. “I have a TGIF dinner every Friday night with my best friends. You’ve met one of them, my friend, Archie. I know he and his husband will be delighted if you came along with me.”

I was very relieved. My urging seemed to be working.

Suddenly, that overwhelming fatigue came over me, but I vowed to stay awake. What if I woke up and it was ten years from now, and Ryan was still alone? I couldn’t bear that, so I vowed to keep on working at my mission.

That Friday night, I was so pleased. The four men seemed to be having a really good time. I even caught Ryan smiling a couple of times, and I was filled with joy. Now I had to figure out my next step. During dinner I kept whispering in Ryan’s ear, “Ask him to have an after dinner drink with you at some bar.” Fearing that Ryan was still resistant, I kept suggesting the same thing to Richie.

As the men were settling the bill, the most wonderful thing happened. Both Richie and Ryan said simultaneously, “Have a drink with me before you go home.”

They laughed and Richie said, “Bread and butter.”

After the goodbyes were spoken, The two shy co-workers hailed a cab, and went to a gay bar in Greenwich Village. They had more than one drink. In fact, they were slightly sloshed. Their defenses were down, so when Richie asked Ryan to come home with him, Ryan said yes without any second thoughts.

They entered Richie’s apartment, and as soon as the door was closed, they fell into each other’s arms. I felt like a voyeur. At the same time, I became extremely jealous. This is what I wanted. I wanted Ryan to find a loving companion, so why was I jealous? Jealousy is a thing living people experience. I had no right to feel that way, and I quickly dropped it.

“I’m so fucking lonely,” Ryan said. “Please make love with me.”

“I’m just as lonely as you are,” Richie said. “It’s easy to have sex, but in between encounters I’m alone, and just as lonely as you are.”

“Is your shower big enough for two?” Ryan asked.

“It sure is,” Richie said. He took Ryan’s hand and led him to the bathroom.

I knew that I should leave, but I needed to see Richie naked and determine what he had to offer my husband. I got jealous again. He was bigger than I, and he was cut. I was uncut. I had to stop myself from feeling this crazy jealousy. In the end, I was happy for Ryan.

Again, I thought I’d better leave, but I was curious to see what kind of lover Richie was. I had to be happy for Ryan. Richie was gentle and considerate. He seemed to be determined to do all the work. In the shower, he soaped every part of Ryan’s body that he could reach, and that included rimming, and sucking my darling’s cock. Now I realized something new. I didn’t get aroused. I believed I’d never get aroused again.

They dried each other and went to bed. Richie proceeded to give Ryan an endless trip around the world. Finally, he took Ryan’s cock into his mouth, but stopped sucking before Ryan could cum. He reached into the top drawer of his night table, and removed condoms and lube. He rolled a condom down Ryan’s prick, and lubed it generously. He greased his ass, straddled Ryan, and sat down gently. Neither of them moved. They just smiled at each other. Nature cannot be denied forever, and they started pumping. To their utter surprise and delight, they orgasmed simultaneously. Ryan’s cock was doing a super job on Richie’s prostate.

When they could finally separate, Ryan began to cry. “Thank you, Richie. I really needed that.”

“I needed it just as much as you did.”

******

After that, the two men began to date seriously. Every Friday, they had dinner with Archie and Ted, and Richie bonded with them. A year later, Richie gave up his rental apartment and moved into Ryan’s town house. Now they were never apart, and they even commuted together back and forth to work.

When they moved in together, I felt that my mission was accomplished. I decided that I could move on. I whispered in Ryan’s ear, “Never forget me. I’ll see you again, one day.”

I swear, I saw him smile.

I envisioned the beautiful place I had seen on the night of my death. Not the dark forbidding abyss, but the beautiful grassy field with skies of blue and wispy clouds. decided I was home. Now all I had to do was wait for Ryan to join me. It would be okay with me, if Richie joined both of us also. I loved him for making Ryan happy again.

I knew it would take many years for living people, but it would be just a moment in time for me, before my love and his new husband would join me.