Liar vs. Liar - 6. The Opening Act

Chapter Six – The Opening Act

“I have one question for you,” Jamie said as he wiped himself down with brusque moves. “Are you nuts or are you nuts?”

“I don’t understand the question,” the bunny said and licked his lips. “Are you sure you don’t want me to do that?”

“Do what?” Jamie asked as he got up from his chair, trying to get around the bunny boy without kicking him by accident or not.

“You look nice with cum all over you.” The weirdo moved around on his knees. “I’d love to clean you up.”

“Not happening,” Jamie said abruptly. “And really, you jumped right into rimming?”

“Your ass looked, um, delicious.” The guy seemed to be struggling with words.

“Seriously now,” Jamie said with a groan. “This is like reality TV. It all has to be scripted. You went well off-script.”

“There’s nothing bad about that. Let’s call it improv,” the bunny offered as if he had just discovered some important mystery of the universe.

“You’re free to improvise when you get your own show,” Jamie said, wagging a finger at his strange partner.

“I don’t know how much you make usually, but it looks to me like this stream was a success.” The bunny leaned over to stare at the screen.

It was, but Jamie was too pissed at the guy about jumping him like that to agree. “Are you going to become my accountant, too?”

“If you need one, I can be.”

“No, I don’t need one,” Jamie said pointedly. “If you want us to do this again, you’ll have to follow my lead.”

“Do you want us to do this again?”

“Why do you sound like you don’t believe it? Are you too confident or too shy? For the love of all that’s holy, I can’t figure you out.”

“Thank you,” the bunny replied primly.

“What for?”

“For saying that you can’t figure me out. That’s a compliment.”

“Fuck, you’re such a weirdo. Now, tell me. Was that your secret fantasy? To stick your tongue in my ass?”

“One of many.”

“Gotta love an honest man,” Jamie said, shaking his head. “If you had your fun, how about you hit the road?”

“That’s not very nice of you. Where is my handjob?”

“Your handjob was supposed to happen during the livestream.”

The bunny ears flopped in dejection. Jamie couldn’t figure out how the guy did that. It had to be his imagination. “So, everything we’re going to do, it’s only going to happen if you’re performing for your followers?”

“That was the deal.”

“You tricked me into it.”

“And you jumped my ass to lick it.”

“Are we even?”

Jamie sighed and grabbed the bunny by one arm to pull him away from the screen. “Yeah, okay, let’s say we’re even.”

“When is your next stream?”

“Do you promise you’ll behave and follow my lead?”

“Yes, I promise.”

“Give me your number. I’ll call you.” No wonder there, the bunny hesitated. “How else do you suppose we can keep in touch?”

“Okay.”

“How should I save you?” Jamie asked as he quickly thumbed his phone. “Weirdo?”

“That’s not nice,” the bunny protested.

“Then give me your name.”

“Ha, nice try.”

“Then how about you pick a name for your persona? You know, something for my followers to know you by.”

The bunny appeared to ponder over Jamie’s suggestion, but he was taking his sweet time.

“Do you want me to give you a name?” he asked slowly and moved closer to stand in front of the guy.

“Can you?”

“Why not? Razor tongue?”

“What? No way! My tongue is soft.” To prove it, the bunny grabbed Jamie’s right hand and sucked briefly on two of his fingers.

“Don’t I know it?” Jamie said with a smirk and pulled his hand free. “Hmm, how about Cottontail?”

“Because I’m a bunny?”

“Damn, you’re sharp,” Jamie teased him. “What am I going to do with you? Soon enough, you’ll outsmart me.”

“I already did,” the crazy rabbit shot back and stuck his tongue out, letting Jamie have another glimpse of the rosy thing that had been in his ass only earlier.

His cock twitched in sympathy at the recent memory. He’d have to take care of business in the shower by himself, once he extracted this little nuisance from his hair.

“Yeah, yeah, keep telling yourself that. Leave the bunny mask here and take your ugly ass rabbit helmet with you.”

“Right away.”

The rabbit disappeared into the bathroom and returned, looking exactly like Jamie had seen him the first time. “Cottontail sounds about right. I like it,” he said.

“Okay. It looks like we’re going to make a sexy entertainer out of you yet.”

“Sexy? Me?” The rabbit guffawed from within his huge bunny head.

“Yeah, you. I’ll teach you how to become the sexiest rabbit in a fifty-mile radius,” Jamie promised.

“I might be the only rabbit in a fifty-mile radius. Cottontails don’t live in this area.”

“Thank you, Wikipedia. Now, are you going to fuck off or what? I need my beauty sleep.”

“You don’t have to be rude.” Jamie could bet those lips that had been all over his ass earlier were pursed in righteous indignation. “And you don’t need any beauty sleep. Because you’re gorgeous already.”

“Damn, you’re really good at licking ass, aren’t you?”

A short laugh came from the crazy rabbit. It was the most normal as in common human thing he had seen or heard the guy do.

He stared at the big ball of white fluff swinging to and fro as Cottontail made himself scarce from his apartment. His life had just gotten crazier, and he felt no regrets. But when had he ever?

***

His heart was beating wildly. He was sweating inside his costume to the point that he risked drowning.

But he felt crazy alive. Sure, it had all happened because he had to dig up some real dirt on Jamie Vayne, but on the other hand…

He had sucked and licked a gorgeous ass for the first time in his life. And that was something no one would ever know. His brother knew nothing about his fursona, nor his strategy to get close to Jamie.

It all left him with a single problem, but it was a hefty one. What the hell was he going to write tomorrow for all the campus to read? He needed a good topic, and it couldn’t be Jamie. His subject needed a lot more research before launching into a new – and ‘deadly’ – campaign.

***

“Oh, don’t tell me you’re disappointed that you’re off the hook,” Janet teased him once she noticed he was checking his phone again.

“Not at all. I’m just keeping an eye out for any sign that this scumbag is picking another fight with me.”

He had expected something weird to appear on his screen as soon as he opened the Xpress page the following day. Something like how exactly his ass tasted, but either Cottontail had half a brain not to risk exposing himself like that, or he and Xpress were two different people.

He shrugged. The guys that had kept telling him that Xpress did stupid shit that never mattered were right, after all.

With that being put to rest, he could now focus on getting back in the saddle. Because of all the weirdness that kept happening lately, he had missed on many chances to mend some broken hearts on campus.

Wait, a little voice nagged him right away, but they don’t see it that way. Right. It looked like his lack of emotional availability was cramping his style, and all the sweet college dudes he tried to help actually considered him a bit of a bastard.

He needed some third party opinion on the matter. He thumbed his phone screen and dialed.

“Hey,” he began as soon as the other answered, “can I see you and your boyfriend? I need some hard honesty in my life.”

“Hard honesty?” Rusty chuckled and tsked. “You’re practically made of it, Jamie.”

“That’s what I think, too. But it looks like there are some dudes who don’t think so. Since I failed in seducing your boyfriend even when he was brokenhearted over you, I need to hear his opinion on the matter.”

“As long as you promise that it’s not going to lead to a threesome, I’m game.”

“You’re totally no fun, straight boy.”

“Who’s straight?”

“Right. I suppose you bend over nicely for your cute boyfriend?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Rusty guffawed loudly into the phone. “Okay, I suppose I owe you one because you didn’t jump at the opportunity to ruin my chances with Matty when I was a dumbass.”

“I would have stolen him from you if he had been available. Nice work making a smart guy like that fall for you. Stuff like that doesn’t happen every day, so don’t disappoint him. Otherwise, I’ll be right here, ready to catch him.”

“Not a chance in hell,” Rusty protested. “I learned my lesson. We’ll drop by your coffee shop later. Good for you?”

“Yep. I’ll fix you your favorites. That’s how much I love you two.”

Rusty laughed. “Okay, man. See you soon.”

***

Jamie examined the couple sitting across from him while deep in thought. Rusty had one arm thrown casually around Matty’s shoulders and there was something in the way they communicated with each other through small smiles and doe-like eyes that intrigued him.

And got a lil’ bit on his nerves, but that was explainable. Although he had come like a hose last night during the stream, he still felt frustrated. He needed to get laid and do that with a normal person, not a wacko wearing a bunny costume because whatever reasons.

“Guys, guys,” he said with a strained smile, “I’m bribing you with coffee because I need something from you.”

Matty threw him a guilty look, but Rusty couldn’t be bothered with stuff like that. “Jelly?”

“Who, me?” Jamie snorted. “I love the two of you and am sure happy to see you together like this, but I wouldn’t trade my place with yours for anything.”

“Wow, that’s quite the big thing to say,” Matty joked.

“He has no idea what he’s missing, that’s why he talks like that,” Rusty replied and smirked at him like he knew shit.

“To each their own. I’m not made for relationships,” Jamie argued.

“I wasn’t either until I met Matty,” Rusty shot back. “Have you at least tried it to see what it would be like?”

“Not really. Unlike you – before Matty,” Jamie offered a concession and a pleasant smile to Rusty’s boyfriend, “I don’t feel like something’s missing in my life.”

“And I did?” Rusty seemed to perk up at Jamie’s allusion. “I’m really eager to hear how the hell you thought I gave myself away.”

Jamie leaned back in his chair and placed his linked hands on top of his head, while giving Rusty a long look. “I dunno. You were just freaking restless all the time. As if the sky would fall down if you stopped hooking up at light speed.”

“Well, that’s true,” Rusty admitted. He crossed his arms and seemed to ponder over something. “But it’s not like you’re as content with yourself as you’re making it out to be.”

“I didn’t ask you here to get shrinked, but duly noted,” Jamie said. “But really,” he asked as a frown began to pinch his forehead, “do you really think that I’m frustrated or something?”

Rusty pressed an index finger against his lips and chose his next words carefully. “I wouldn’t say that. Definitely not sexually frustrated.” He snickered as Matty nudged him in the ribs. “But you know, like you’d like to have something more, although you don’t know what it is.”

“Hmm. Okay, that’s fair. But Rusty, my boy, I thought you were an airhead. Since when are you paying so much attention to the people around you?”

“I’m quite the observant type,” Rusty replied. “But it’s my secret superpower, and I’m not letting just anyone know about it. Now, shoot your questions. Matty’s totally here to help.”

“For the record,” Matty started, “I’m not sure how much help I can be. There’s a high chance that if I wasn’t already badly into Rusty, I might have fooled around with you. You’re definitely a guy who doesn’t hear the word ‘no’ that often.”

“So, you would have cheated on me with him?” Rusty asked, looking outraged, but smiling as he grabbed Matty in his arms and squeezed him until he made him beg.

“You have such a case of selective hearing, I have no idea what to do with you,” Matty complained. “What I meant is that Jamie is a guy anyone would like to fool around with.”

“What about more?” Jamie continued his interview, while trying his damnedest not to stare at the display of affection between his two friends going on right in front of his eyes.

“It depends,” Matty said and pushed his glasses up on his nose. “The thing is, you look like fun, Jamie. I don’t know about more than that, because I suppose that someone would have to get to know you first.”

Know him. That sounded a lot like what that crazy rabbit had told him. Jamie shook his head.

“I know we’re talking about hypothetical things here, but would you have held a grudge against me if we’d hooked up?”

Matty shook his head slowly, but he didn’t seem convinced.

“Would you have fallen for this dude?” Rusty asked the question Jamie didn’t want to ask.

“Why do you find that so hard to believe?” Matty asked back, looking innocent and surprised at his boyfriend’s question. Jamie could totally see why Rusty was so crazy about the guy. Under different circumstances, maybe even he—

Nah, what the hell was he thinking now? He wasn’t the kind to kiss the same person forever, to put it mildly.

“I mean, look at him,” Matty continued. “He’s sexy, and he knows how to put anyone at ease, once he gets over the opening act.”

“The opening act?” Jamie became quickly alert. “What do you mean by that?”

Matty appeared at a loss what to say next but eventually decided to speak up. “You want to sell a certain image, Jamie. That you’re this cool guy. You know, like in chill. And that you know what you want and that you know what others want. No questions asked. It’s not a critique.” He waved his hands to deflect any possible retaliation from Jamie for speaking what he had to think to be the honest truth. “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. We all do it when we meet someone new.”

“Please, tell me more.”

“Should I?” Matty asked and worried his bottom lip for a second.

“Color me intrigued,” Jamie said. “And I have tough skin. There’s nothing you say that could make me cry.” He added a smile to the joke, to show Rusty’s better half that he had no problem with hearing the truth.

“The thing is,” Matty said, now encouraged by Jamie’s agreement, “that you might strike everyone as someone who’s a bit too perfect. You know, like a dream guy. When I saw you the first time, so dark and dangerous, and then you smiled and talked to me, I couldn’t even hear anything for half a minute or so.”

“For real? Have I ever made you feel that way?” Rusty asked and stared at his boyfriend with his mouth hanging open.

Matty snickered. “You’re really cute when you’re jealous, Rusty. But come on, Jamie didn’t invite us here to hear me telling only half-truths, right?”

Much to Jamie’s satisfaction, Rusty pouted and pushed himself back into his chair. “You’ll have to work some to get into my good graces again.”

That was aimed at Matty, who took a sip from his coffee and chuckled. “I still have that old costume, so I believe that can be arranged.” He winked at Jamie, whose eyes grew wide.

There was definitely more to Matthew Han than met the eye. No wonder Rusty was so smitten.

“Any advice then?” he asked. “I have no intention of continuing in the same way if I’m striking people as some sort of fraud.”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Matty said. He could be all serious, it seemed, and he appeared willing to help Jamie, although they hadn’t known each other for very long. “Because you seem to have no problems in your life, I don’t know, no chink in your armor, you might discourage anyone who wants to get close to you. If that’s what you want, because I’m still unclear on that.”

“Oh, no.” Jamie ran one hand over his face and grinned. “Are you trying to tell me that if I show myself vulnerable, guys will flock to me like bees?”

Matty shrugged. “Only if it’s true.”

“Well, that’s the problem. I’m always honest when I hook up with guys. And I don’t have a vulnerable side, sorry about that.”

“You don’t have a vulnerable side?” Rusty quirked an eyebrow and gave him another long look. “Could it be that you don’t know about that side of yourself?”

“Come on, how could I not know about it? My life is simple, and I’m a simple guy,” Jamie argued. “I don’t intend to make stuff up just to score.”

Matty scratched his head and gave him a helpless smile. “Then I have no idea what else to tell you. But what seems to be the problem? It can’t be the lack of guys wanting to hook up with you, right?”

“No, nothing like that.” Jamie waved and then put his palms on the table as he pondered Matty’s words. “It’s just that it came as a surprise to me to hear from them that my lack of emotional availability makes me seem like an asshole. I mean, I never promised them some rose garden.”

It was Matty’s turn to consider that piece of information.

Rusty intervened to save them both from their dilemma. “You flaunt the goods, Jamie, but you’re a subscription program. And you don’t sell lifetime memberships.”

Jamie stared at the sharp mofo with both rancor and admiration. “Well put, asshole.”

“Thank me,” Rusty said with a large grin and this time crossed his arms over his chest in triumph.

“Nah, I have nothing to thank you for. You just gave me more problems to think about. Now, drink your coffee and shut up.”

Rusty shrugged and grabbed his cup. Jamie stared out the window, still puzzling over the same problem. He’d always been straightforward about not being boyfriend material, so why were guys still interested in him like that and then pissed when they didn’t get him turned around?

Food for thought, he concluded, food for thought.

TBC