Tyler - 10. Chapter 10

Tyler - Chapter 10

Tyler opened his eyes after being woken by a soft tapping on his shoulder. He jumped a little, seeing a face inches from his, then lifted his head, focused his eyes and saw it was Chris standing over him. “It’s time to eat man. I’m supposed to get you to the cafeteria. Did you know you snore?”

Tyler narrowed his eyes. “Yes I knew.” He snapped.

Chris shrugged and stood up. “Just thought I’d let you know.”

Tyler sat up and lowered his legs over the side of the bed. Chris continued to stare at him. “So who beat you up?”

Bringing his hand up to his face Tyler rubbed at his bruises. “No one.” he said quickly.

Chris laughed sarcastically. “So you’re a self abuser?”

Tyler shot him a severing look. “Just leave me the hell alone would ya?”

“Not ‘til after I get you to the cafeteria.” He said crossing his arms across his chest.

“I gotta piss first.” despite the eye roll, he got he got out of bed and went into the adjoining bathroom. He relieved himself then washed his hands and returned to the bedroom, where Chris was waiting by the door.

He waved him out the door then followed along behind. “I like your outfit.” Chris snickered, looking back at him.

Tyler looked down at himself then back up at Chris, noting for the first time that his look was not mean. He managed a small grin and shook his head. Chris grinned back then turned back in the direction he was walking. They walked into the cafeteria and Chris stopped and waited for Tyler to step up beside him.

“There’s no line right now because someone is real hard to wake up and we are late.”

“Sorry,” Tyler muttered, having a hell of a time trying to figure out if the kid was serious or just joking around with him.

“Come on. We can sit together. I gotta orient you.” Tyler followed him to the other end of the cafeteria where they walked into an L shaped room that was lined with a counter. At one end were a stack of trays and silverware and they both took one and some silverware. As they slid their trays down the counter they were filled with food just like in the school cafeteria. Tyler grabbed two milks at the end then followed Chris back out of the L room and to a table off to the side of the cafeteria.

They both sat down and Chris took a few bites before he set his fork down and looked over at him. “I gotta tell you who to watch out for.” he said looking around the room. He pointed to a table of four boys, all of them shoveling the food in as fast as they could. “Those boys like to bully everyone. Best just to give them a wide birth. If they don’t notice ya, they won’t start teasing you.”

“That there.” He said pointing to a lone guy, who was having a steady stream of conversation with himself. “Is Paul. He’s the looniest one in here. Got like six people living in his head. He was abused so bad.” Chris shook his head, looking like he felt truly sorry for the guy that Tyler was thinking was pretty cute. “They say,” Chris said, leaning over the table and lowering his voice. “That he created all those people in his head so he’d have someone to talk to. They also say that those other people can take over for him. It happens all the time actually. Amazing.” He clucked his tongue and shook his head. “Guy’s still crazy though.”

“And them over there.” he pointed to another table of six guys. “They’re all fags. Don’t talk to them or they’ll try and fuck you.”

Tyler’s eyes widened at the kids gross misconception. “I’m...” he started, but couldn’t go through with it. He closed his mouth up again and stirred at his spaghetti. “So what are you here for?” he asked, needing to change the subject.

Chris held up his wrists revealing two deep jagged scars.

Tyler’s eyes narrowed. “Why did you do that?”

“Cause I wanted to die.”

“Yeah I know that, but why?”

“Just had it with everything man,” he shook his head and looked down at his own tray. “Why you here?”

“I’m not sure, just to get evaluated I guess.” He said, shaking his head.

“Well they must have some reason for wanting to evaluate you. They don’t just pick kids off the street.”

“My foster father said I attacked him.”

Chris’s face melded into a mix of sadness and pity. “Foster kid huh? That must be tough.”

Tyler nodded and shrugged at the same time. “I didn’t attack him though. It was the other way around.”

“So he did that to your face?”

Tyler nodded again then took a bite of spaghetti. His eyes lit up as it actually tasted real good. Much better then the hospital’s food next door.

Chris chuckled across from him. “That good?”

Tyler grinned back at him. “Surprisingly yes,”

Linda made her way to the cafeteria and over to their table. “I got you in a group that meets right after lunch. It’s yours Chris, so can you see to it he gets there too?”

Chris made an exaggerated sigh and roll of his eyes. “Jesus, next you are gonna make me see to it he showers properly.”

Linda smirked knowing Chris well enough to know that he was all mouth and really did not mind it. “Don’t swear.” she said tapping his shoulder before she walked off again.

“Do you like her?” Tyler asked, nodding in her direction as she was out of earshot.

“Yeah, she’s nice, pushy but nice. She listens to us kids though, that’s more then I can say for any other adult I ever met.”

Tyler grinned, feeling the same way about adults in general.

They walked into the group therapy room across from the gym at one o’clock. Two of the ‘fags’ were in there snuggling up to each other and a rage of sadness raced through Tyler, as he was reminded he was no longer going to be doing that with Connor.

Chris rolled his eyes at them and shook his head while he sat down across from them in a comfy armchair. Tyler sat down in the next one and drew his feet up into the seat. He couldn’t help but keep looking over at the guys, who kept whispering in each other’s ears and smiling at each other. Four other guys joined the group and all sat down before Linda walked in and sat in a chair herself in front of the windows.

She looked over at the pawing boys and cleared her throat. “We are ready to start Dean and Nathan.”

Both boys separated and looked over at her.

“As I’m sure you’ve noticed we have a new group member today.” she nodded and smiled at Tyler. “Everyone this is Tyler. Tyler this is Dean and Nathan,” she said, motioning over to them as they were closest to her. She then pointed to the boy on the other side of Nathan and went on down the line. “Mark, Shawn, Bill, and Kyle.”

Tyler looked them over as she said their name thinking all of them were quite nice looking. The door opened again and another woman, with a white coat walked in pulling Paul the ‘crazy one’, that Chris had pointed out, in by the arm.

“Sorry we are late.” the woman said, smiling at Linda while the kid seemed to be pulling back in the opposite direction to get back at the door. She turned to him and put her hands on his shoulders. Tyler watched as the kid looked back at her and kept shaking his head. After a few more moments of her talking, he walked to the chairs and sat down in the empty seat by Tyler.

“Don’t sit there.” Chris sneered, leaning forward and reaching over Tyler as he tried to push him out of the seat. Tyler looked at the doctor he’d come in with who was just standing there looking at the kid, who was now standing up from the chair looking scared, as there were no other empty seats.

Tyler pushed Chris’s arms back to him then reached out and took Paul’s arm. Paul jumped a little then turned back to Tyler and looked down at him. Tyler smiled at him, the scared look in the kid’s eyes nearly breaking his heart. “You can sit here.” he said quietly, knowing every eye in the room was on him and hating it.

He gently pulled at Paul’s arm, ‘til Paul backed up and sat down again in the chair.

“And Tyler that is Paul.” Linda said, smiling at them both. Tyler sat back in his chair and crossed his arms across his chest, he looked around at the other boys who were all still staring at him, then at Paul who was talking to himself again and looking down at the floor.

“Okay,” Linda opened a file and glance down through. “Anyone got anything to say?”

Everyone sort of looked at each other but no one spoke.

“Okay I’ll give you guys a topic. Premarital sex.”

Grins filled the room and Tyler got the impression that everyone was willing to go with that. “Let’s go around the room. Nathan you start.”

“I’m for it.” he said, grinning widely. “Pro sex all the way.”

Chris snorted angrily beside Tyler and shook his head.

“What’s your problem schmuck?” Nathan sneered over at him.

“No name calling.” Linda interjected.

Nathan looked from her back to Chris. “Well?”

“It’s disgusting. You people shouldn’t have sex at all. You’re a bunch of freaks and should all be locked up.”

Tyler’s eyes widened, wondering how he could have judged Chris as a nice person, now that that had come out of his mouth. It rendered Nathan speechless and he slammed his back into his chair, obviously fuming as he stared evilly at Chris while Dean put his hand on his.

“Dean how does what Chris said make you feel?”

Tyler looked at Dean who didn’t look half as pissed as Nathan.

Dean looked over at Chris who was turning red. Tyler was shocked to see him smile before he looked back at Linda. “Given Chris’s circumstances I don’t blame him for how he feels. He just needs to realize that all gay people aren’t bad, just like all straight people aren’t bad.”

Nathan shook his head like he completely did not agree. “That guy wasn’t even gay man.”

“He doesn’t know that.” Dean said, looking at Nathan.

Chris shot out of his chair and pointed angrily at them. “Don’t you talk about me like I ain’t even here you freaks.”

“Sit down Chris.” Linda stated firmly.

Chris huffed, then slammed himself back down in his chair.

“What exactly does the word gay mean to you Chris?” She asked.

“Means they like to fuck guys.”

Nathan shook his head and swore while Dean shushed him.

“Tyler what does gay mean to you?”

Tyler’s eyes widened as he looked at her. “I thought you said I didn’t have to talk.”

“What’s the matter wuss? Too whipped to give an opinion.” Nathan shot out.

Dean yanked on Nathan’s arm. “Would you shut up for five minutes.”

“I’d really like it if you would answer Tyler.” Linda requested.

Wrapping his arms tighter around himself he looked around the room again, where every eye was once again on him. “Being gay just means that you love another guy. It’s not all about sex it’s about love. Course sex comes with love, so that’s part of it but certainly not all of it.” He looked over at Nathan whose eyes had softened and Dean was actually smiling at him. “If you were to hold something against all gay men that one gay man did it would be as bad as hating all straight people for something one did. And if you look back on things, you’d see that there’s a hell of a lot more crimes committed by straight people. I know there’s a lot more straight people but it’s a two way street.”

“Are you gay?” Nathan asked.

Tyler looked at Chris then at Linda. “I’m done talking now.” he glanced back at Nathan who was looking at Dean, Dean was shrugging his shoulders. Tyler glanced back over at Paul who seemed completely oblivious to all the goings on around him as he continued to chatter away with himself.

Linda nodded. “Well we thank you for your input. Chris how do you feel about what he said?”

“I don’t buy it.” He said, shaking his head as he as well stared down at the floor. “My dad says that it’s evil in itself.”

“Yeah and you’re dad raped you every day for fifteen years.” Nathan shot out.

Chris’s head shot up followed immediately by the rest of his body he flew across the circle of chairs and drew his arm back to deliver a mighty punch. Linda jumped up, grabbed his arm while two men in white appeared out of nowhere. They took a hold of each of his arms while Chris screamed out obscenities at Nathan, who was staring back at him challengingly.

Linda nodded to the men and they led Chris still screaming out of the room. Linda sat back down and looked at Nathan. “That was in no way appropriate Nathan.”

Nathan sat forward in his chair and looked at her. “It’s true. Why you always skirting around it. We all know it’s true. His father wasn’t even gay. Why’s he blaming us?”

“Because he sees it as a gay act.” she held up her hand as he opened his mouth to argue. “You can’t change his mind over night Nathan and throwing ugly facts in his face is not going to help. You will write him an apology letter. I want it on my desk by the time you go to bed.”

Nathan shook his head crossed his arms across his chest and sat back in his chair. “Nathan?” she asked.

“Yes ma’am,” He muttered.

Tyler noticed his arm was being gripped for the first time in the commotion and turned to his left where Paul had latched onto his arm and was hiding his head between Tyler’s back and the chair. Linda seemed to notice it at the same time. “Do you want us to move him Tyler?”

Tyler turned to her. He figured if Paul felt safe there he had no problem with it and he shook his head. She smiled warmly at him and he saw her exchange a look with the lady that had come in with Paul.

“He probably likes it.” Nathan chortled. “He’s gay too.”

Tyler shot him a dirty look. “You are an asshole.”

Linda looked at Tyler and shook her head. “We don’t swear at each other in here Tyler.”

“But he can sit there and shoot his mouth off like an idiot?” He asked waving his hand over at Nathan.

“Nathan knows the rules. His following them is a problem, but I’m just telling you ‘cause you don’t know the rules in here. You’re not in trouble I’m just informing you.”

Tyler jerked forward as the feeling of teeth sunk into his back he pivoted in his seat and looked down at the side of Paul’s face that he could see. Paul’s eye turned up to him and a huge smile filled his face. Tyler laughed out loud at the look of playfulness on the kid’s face. He turned his head, sensing someone near and nearly smacked it into the ladies in the white coat.

“Did he bite you?” she asked, her face inches from his.

Tyler nodded. “Not hard though, I just wasn’t expecting it.”

Amy the doctor shook her head. She reached under Paul and sat him up in his own chair. His head listed to one side as his forearms came up squeezing her hands in between his upper and lower arms. “Sorry,” He piped up in a child like voice.

She smiled at him her face very close to his. “You need to apologize to Tyler not me Paul.”

Paul’s head turned slowly and he looked over at Tyler. “Sorry.”

Tyler smiled at him. “It’s okay.”

Paul turned his face back to the woman. “Okay?”

“He forgives you.” Amy nodded. She smiled at Tyler then looked back at Paul. “No more biting got it?” she asked, looking at him sternly though Tyler got the feeling she hated being stern with him at all.

“No more biting.” he repeated.

She turned back to Tyler. “Let me see your back.” Tyler’s face went white as he instinctively pulled at the bottom of his shirt. “I said it wasn’t hard.”

“I need to make sure; we don’t need you getting an infection.”

His ears tingled at the word infection and his fear made him succumb. He leaned forward a little bit and lifted his shirt to just above what he thought he was the precise spot.

Amy leaned over and looked, her heart beating faster seeing several scars on the lower part of his back, the small part that was revealed suddenly understanding why Tyler hadn’t wanted to show her and a little surprised he’d given in.

Tyler pulled his shirt back down and sat back as she stood up. She smiled sweetly at him and patted his shoulder. “No broken skin, you should be okay.”

He managed to return her smile though he felt humiliated to his very core. He turned and looked at Paul, who was eyeing him closely while he chewed on the end of his thumb. He smiled at him and Paul smiled back looking a little like he was relieved.

After the group session Tyler made it back to his room where Chris was lying on his bed, his hands tied down to the bed rails. His eyes were open and he was staring at the ceiling. Tyler walked up beside the bed and saw sweat beads on his forehead and heard that his breathing was labored. He figured he must have just recently stopped struggling. “You okay?” He asked, looking down at him.

Chris’s eyes moved onto him. “You aren’t really one of them are you?” he asked quietly.

Knowing he probably couldn’t hide it and not wanting to lie and have Chris find out different later, he slowly nodded. Chris’s eyes widened in horror and a single tear slid down his cheek. “Please don’t hurt me.”

“I’m not gonna hurt you Chris. I never would.”

Chris turned his head away from him, his tears coming out full force as quiet cries filled the room.

Tyler left the room and walked down the hall back to Linda’s office. He knocked a few times on the door and heard her say ‘come in.’ He opened the door and walked inside where he stood by her desk. “Maybe it’s not such a good idea I be Chris’s roommate.”

“Cause of what he said in group Tyler?” She asked, leaning back in her chair as she looked at him.

“I’m not mad at what he said. But he is scared of me. I don’t want him to be scared.”

“I put you with him because I knew you were gay Tyler. I also am quite certain you would never hurt anyone. Your performance in group has only assured me of that fact. Chris needs to see that for himself otherwise he’s never gonna get over his fear. It’s not always easy overcoming things pain and fears are most always involved. I’ve talked to him ‘til I’m blue in the face and it does no good. My only recourse now is to have him see it.”

Tyler sighed, as he tilted his head to one side. “But I don’t want him being scared of me.”

“He won’t be scared for long Tyler. Soon he’ll see he’s wrong.”

“It seems to me like you are using me?” he said, changing his tactics though he knew it would do no good.

“I’m not asking you to do anything but be yourself Tyler. That’s not using you.”

He clenched his hands in frustration and set his jaw in a tight line. “Fine,” He said angrily, before turning and hurrying out of the room.

Linda stayed seated behind her desk tapping her pen on it. She didn’t get many taps in before another knock came on the door. She called out another ‘come in’ and looked over as Amy Wilton walked in.

“Do you have a few minutes?” she asked smiling.

Linda nodded and gestured to the chair in front of her desk.

She sat down and clasped her hands together in her lap. “That Tyler is quite impressive huh?”

“He’s got a good head on his shoulders, but he’s got plenty of problems of his own.”

“Paul took right to him. I’ve never seen him do that with anyone.”

“You’ve never seen anyone be nice to Paul either.” she added with a bitter grin.

Amy nodded as she eyed the floor. “Why’s he here?”

“He’s a foster kid. His mother molested him ‘til he was fourteen when he was taken out of the house ‘cause the father nearly beat him to death. The father caught him and his mother in bed when Tyler was around seven beat him mercifulessly from that day on. Mother even did.” she shook her head in disgust. “His string of foster homes has not been much of an improvement either. He was beaten in two and verbally abused in them all. He’s hostile when he’s confronted about his past he won’t talk about it. He’ll fight you tooth and nail to see he doesn’t have to either. His therapist said he knows every trick in the book and uses them all in every session.”

“His social worker is at the end of her rope with him. He won’t speak up and ask for help. He won’t admit when he’s being mistreated. He can’t have any pride in himself if he won’t ask for help. Like maybe he thinks he deserves it. I really don’t know what my approach with him will be yet.”

“I don’t think you are gonna get him to talk at all.”

“Why not?” Linda asked, always wanting to hear Amy’s opinion. She’d only been there a few weeks and was there solely to work with Paul, but her reputation preceded her. She was a brilliant psychologist and always seemed to know exactly what she was talking about.

“I bet you’ll find he is talking to someone. I bet he just won’t talk to someone he doesn’t feel totally comfortable with. The last person he’s gonna talk to is someone, whose being paid to hear his problems.”

“How can you know all that by just observing him for one hour?”

“He’s compassionate for one. And with that history you gave me, he couldn’t have learned that from anyone that raised him. Which tells me, he has someone who has showed him great compassion. That person, whoever he or she is knows all his secrets. Every little detail of the hell Tyler’s been through. He’s not gonna want to hear anyone tell him to talk it out ‘cause he already has. He’s not gonna feel one bit bad that he didn’t do it with a professional.”

Linda pulled his file out from a shelf behind her desk. She scanned through it running her hand down each page. “Robert.” she said, with a nod of her head.

“Whose Robert?”

“Best friend. The one that kept at social services ‘til he was removed from his parents house, the one that reported abuse at two of the foster homes and the one that brought him into social services this morning.”

“How old is this guy?”

“Don’t know, it doesn’t say.” she shook her head as she checked over the pages. “Only gives his name and that he’s a friend. But his social worker asked me to make sure he was allowed in to visit. He’s got to be real important to Tyler for her to make that request.”

Amy nodded. “That’s our guy then. A silent hero that I’d say saved Tyler’s life in more ways then one.”

Linda nodded as well. “So what do I do?”

“Well don’t go through Robert to get to Tyler. You don’t want to do anything that would jeopardize that friendship. It’s probably too strong to be messed with, but if not, you never want to mess it up. Tyler needs him even more then he probably even knows. And I think Robert needs Tyler too for whatever reason, I’m not sure but just the fact he’s looked out for him so ferociously for all these years, tells me he needs him. You simply have to ask him if Tyler has told him about his life. If he knows everything, that’s what’s important. If he has then you just have to work with Tyler on his self perception and esteem. I’d say he’s already got a heart of gold.” she said her eyes glinting with pleasure.

At dinner Tyler sat alone, since Chris still tied to his bed in their bedroom, not that he figured Chris would want to sit with him anyways. He sat facing Paul a few tables over who was talking and laughing having a great time with himself. He almost envied him for being able to be so happy while it was painfully obvious he was all alone in the world as all the other kids treated him like the plague going as far as making wide paths around him in the hallways.

Every time he’d seen him that afternoon he was with that woman but now he was again alone. Or at least as alone, as someone with six people in their heads could get. Suddenly the side of Paul’s face was hit with a lumpy mush of mashed potatoes and the table next to his filled with laughter.

Paul wiped it away quickly never stopping in his talking. When another food missile hit him in the forehead Tyler swore under his breath and stood up. He picked up his tray and walked over to Paul’s table where he set it down firmly he turned to the bullies at the next table and glared at them. They didn’t seem one bit scared by it and he turned around and sat down in the seat next to Paul who had potato stuck to his forehead and cheek.

Tyler took his napkin and wiped at Paul’s face, while Paul did not even seem to notice him there as he talked in what Tyler noticed for the first time were several different voices. Once his face was clean he put his napkin down, his eyes glancing down the length of Paul’s arms, which were deeply scarred.

When he looked back up at Paul the voices had stopped and Paul was studying him closely.

Tyler smiled wearily half expecting the guy’s mouth to open and an ear piercing scream to come out. Instead though, Paul’s mouth formed into a small smile. “Hello.” he said cordially.

“Hello,” Tyler responded smiling back.

Paul put his hands in his lap and pulled his shoulders in close looking happy as a lark that someone was actually talking to him. “My name’s Paul.”

“I know,” Tyler nodded, “I’m Tyler.” He stuck out his hand and after some intense studying of it Paul reached out his own and placed it in his. Tyler grasped it gently and slowly shook it up and down while Paul’s eyes stayed glued to them. He let go of it and Paul put his hand back in his lap.

“Sorry,” he said as he started to rock lightly back and forth.

“Why?”

“Sorry,” he repeated, as he continued to stare and smiled at Tyler.

“Why you sorry?”

“Bit you.”

Tyler smiled. “You already said that. I said it’s no problem. Don’t worry about it.”

“Amy said not bite. No biting no more.” He shook his head firmly back and forth. “Sorry.”

Tyler grinned. “Thank you.” he said having no idea what else to say.

Paul’s mouth curled up into a smile that nearly enveloped his entire face. “Your welcome.” He turned his head to the boys at the next table as they started calling out retard, though they weren’t facing him it was obvious who they were calling a retard. Paul looked back at Tyler and smiled. “I’m not so’s retarded.” He shook his head as his hand reappeared on the table, the nail of his index finger digging at it. “Not too smart. But been tested. Not retarded.” he finished, shaking his head again.

Tyler leaned in closer to him. “They say that people who call other people names like that are only trying to hide the fact they aren’t too bright themselves.”

Paul looked at him in total surprise then put his hand over his mouth and started to laugh. “I didn’t know,”

Tyler grinned at him. “Well it’s true.”

Paul looking down at his table digging finger. “You awful nice. Not met any nice people. Well sides Amy, she nice.” he said with a nod.

“She seems nice.” Tyler didn’t know her from a hole in the ground but figured he should say something. There was a minute of silence and apparently that was a minute too long for Paul as his other voices started chattering away again and he was lost in what seemed to Tyler like deep space.

He went back to his room as soon as dinner was over. Chris was sound asleep on his bed and he felt very relieved about that. He went into the bathroom and turned on the shower. He took off his pajamas and folded them neatly then set them on the toilet. He opened the shower door again and stepped inside. Alone again he thought about Robert and Connor wishing like hell he were with them. Wishing like hell he hadn’t gotten so mad at Robert. Now that he’d had time to think about it he knew Robert had not given up on him. Knew Robert had, had as little choice as he did in the whole situation. He wanted like hell to talk to him to tell him he wasn’t mad but didn’t dare even call him after the way he behaved.

If Robert decided he wanted to see him again, he’d hear from him he knew it. He just had to hope he hadn’t pushed Robert over the edge with all his crazy behavior.

As for Connor, he wanted to talk to him as badly. Wanted to tell him that he’d been wrong that morning and that he would never ever cheat on him. Wanted to tell him he loved him when he was actually awake. Now that he was faced with losing Connor, he cursed himself for not having the balls to say it when he was awake in the first place.

There were so many things he knew he should have done differently. He wasn’t that upset anymore, he was where he was. He was mostly just upset at the fear of losing the two most important people in his life. He shut the shower off and stepped back out. Grabbing a towel off the rack he dried himself making sure to keep his eyes away from his body as he couldn’t stand to look at it. After drying off he put the pajamas back on, left the bathroom and crawled into bed.