The Weight of a Secret - 8. Chapter 8

I was so excited for Connor when he told me that Becky had promised to give him a blow job for his birthday.

His birthday fell on a Saturday that year, and he had plans with his family that night. The following Monday, President’s Day, was a school holiday, and Connor and Becky decided that would be the day they’d take this next big step in their relationship. His parents were not off from work and Patrick had agreed to work a day shift at the supermarket, excited about earning time and half. The house would be free, and Connor and Becky would have all the privacy they needed.

I went over that morning to help him get ready. Connor had just come out of the shower wearing a towel around his waist when I walked into his bedroom.

“Are you nervous?” I asked.

“Hmm, I don't know, maybe a little, but I'm more than ready, “ he replied with confidence.

His room and bathroom were both in good shape, but I gave them a quick once over. I then picked up the towel he had been using and hung it back up in the bathroom. While I was tidying up the place, he changed into a brand-new navy blue OLIC polo shirt. The crisp, dark color made his milky white complexion stand out even more, and the athletic fit of the shirt hugged his broad shoulders and chest perfectly. He wore it with a pair of new, dark-wash jeans that fit him just as well, making him look effortlessly put-together. On his feet, he had on a pair of crisp, brand-new white sneakers with the distinctive swoosh on the side. They were so spotless they practically gleamed. His hair, still damp from the shower, was styled perfectly, a few strands falling across his forehead. He didn't just look ready; he looked like he was born for this moment.

I asked him whether there was anything more that I could do, and when he couldn’t think of anything, I wished him luck and left. On the walk home my thoughts turned to how big a deal this was for Connor. I felt an odd mix of hope and anxiety.

When I got home, Mark had friends over. I played some video games with them but couldn’t focus. My mind kept drifting back to Connor and Becky. After a few games, they invited me to join them for lunch, but I declined. I was so invested in Connor’s happiness that I didn’t think I could manage lunch without seeming totally out of it. So, instead I went upstairs and lay down on my bed, hoping to hear from him.

About an hour later, my phone vibrated, and my heart jumped. It was Connor.

“Hey bro, how’d it go?” I asked excitedly as I answered the call.

“It was a disaster,” he said, his voice laced with disappointment and anger.

“What happened?” I asked.

“She left. She just left!” he said, raising his voice.

“What do you mean?” I asked. “What do you mean ‘left’?”

“Left, as in walked the fuck out—without doing anything! She got all weird when it was about to happen... she just froze, said she couldn't, and just left. I’m so pissed off!

I felt horrible for him, “I'm so sorry man. Are you okay?”

“I'm fine…,” he stammered. “No! I’m not. I’m not fine. She promised! For my birthday! Has she been lying to me all this time? It wasn’t even me that brought it up. It was her idea! Why would she do that and then just leave?! What kind of person does that?!!”

“That’s so messed up, Connor,” I replied, not knowing what else to say.

“Ugh,” he screamed out, “it’s so… frustrating! I’m so pissed!”

“I exhaled, “I’m pissed off too, Connor. I'm so sorry. Do you want me to come over?

“Yeah. I'll be in my room,” he replied and abruptly hung up.

I rushed over there as quickly as I could. After all the buildup, the conversations, the hopes, it had ended in as bad a way as possible. When I got there, he was in his room sitting at his desk in his socks and boxers, his shirt and pants off and thrown onto the bed. His face was flushed and it was obvious any disappointment was overshadowed by intense anger. I had actually never seen Connor so angry before. I guiltily noticed that the color in his face and the fiery look in his eyes made him look even more attractive than usual.

I sat on the floor with my back against his bed waiting for the go ahead to massage his feet - which was what he typically expected from me when he was stressed and frustrated. He turned his chair to face me, but didn’t point to his feet, as he usually did when he was in a bad mood. Instead, he began to talk.

“It doesn't make sense,” he complained. “I was clean, smelled great. What's her problem?”

I shrugged. “I guess she’s still not ready. “

“Not ready?!!” he yelled, taking his anger out on me. “Then why the fuck did she say she was?!! Why did she promise me?!! Why lead me on like that?!! To buy time?! What game is she playing?!“

I shrugged nervously “I don't know.” I didn’t want to say anything that pissed him off more. “Umm, should I start working on your feet? “ I asked clumsily.

“No!” He retorted, "I don’t want a foot massage, I wanted a fucking blow job!!!” He turned his chair away from me and slightly towards the screen on his desk. From where I sat, I could see his screen well enough to know that he was searching porn sites.

He rolled his eyes a bit. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I know you’re just trying to help,” he said, sounding a bit ashamed. “You can start the massage, but get under the desk so I can watch some porn while you’re working on my feet.”

Once I knelt under his desk, he placed both feet on my thighs. I carefully removed each sock and started to massage one foot while the other rested on my thigh.

“I really wanted that blow job. I needed it,” he said, talking to me but looking straight at the screen.”

He started to tap the keyboard, then moved the mouse, as I continued to work on his foot.

I looked up at him as he moved his right hand down to adjust his dick inside his boxers. After a few more taps and clicks, I saw a bulge grow in his boxers as I continued rubbing his foot.

After a few minutes, he lifted himself off his chair just enough to slide his boxers down to the floor and expose his already hardening penis. Once the boxers landed around his ankles, I held them as he pulled both feet free. Once free, he placed both feet flat on the floor on either side of me. The foot massage was clearly over.

I sat there on my knees, frozen, silently staring at his unbelievably gorgeous dick. The last time I had been so close, he’d asked me to give him a hand job as he texted with Becky. Was he going to ask for that again, I asked myself. Or was he simply going to jerk off and jizz all over me - either because covering me in his jizz would make him feel powerful or because he simply wasn’t thinking about the fact that I was in his line of fire? What I knew for sure is that it wouldn’t be right to interrupt him to ask, and it wouldn’t be right to touch his dick without his express permission.

I didn’t have to wonder for long. He reached down, put both hands on the back of my head, and slowly pulled my head toward his rock hard penis. What he wanted was clear as day.

When he stopped just short of jamming his dick in my mouth, I gently pulled down the skin revealing his already exposed head. It was a vivid pastel pink, silky smooth and moist. I leaned down and kissed it, then slid my tongue across the head, cleaning it with my tongue and getting my first taste of his dick. I heard his satisfied exhale. A sense of relief came over me as he seemed pleased with what I was doing. As my nervousness went away, I started feeling privileged to have his dick in my mouth.

For the next 15 minutes not a single word was spoken by either of us. The only sound in the room was from the porn he was watching. I summoned up all the knowledge I’d gathered from looking at sex sites and other sources and went to work. To start, I took as much of his length as I could, closing my lips lightly around it. I wanted him to enjoy having his cock in a wet, warm environment.

It felt exhilarating to me, and my cock hardened. I remained focused on him, though. Pulling away a bit, I parted my lips slightly, then took more of his cock into my mouth. I heard him exhale as he pushed my head more onto his dick. He held it for a second then let go. I kept my lips softly wrapped around his cock, then pulled back again and started to work my tongue around the head. The taste of his glans and what was leaking out of his pee slit overpowered my taste buds as I started to suck his cock. I started moving up and down on his shaft, slowly and deliberately. I savored every second, absorbing and internalizing it all, and knowing that the last of my 5 senses was finally acquainting itself with Connor.

My mouth closed firmly around the head of his dick and my fingers worked the base of his cock and his balls. He started to thrust gently. He wasn't rough, just very deliberate as he sped up. His breathing got quicker and deeper and he started groaning.

He thrust himself into my mouth increasingly quickly and deeply, making it ever more difficult for me to handle. His thrusts got so deep that I instinctively backed away as I started to gag. After a few seconds, he gently pushed my mouth back onto the head of his penis. I swirled my tongue around it while stroking the base of his dick with my hands. Then he mercilessly pushed my mouth deep onto his dick and held on tight, which made backing away impossible. I started to gag audibly, but kept moving my tongue and mouth.

He finally let out a loud satisfied moan as I felt his cock spasm. He let me back away just enough so that only his glans was in my mouth. He held my head in place with one hand while he positioned his cock with the other, pressing the band of tissue that connected his foreskin to the head of his cock down on my bottom lip with purpose. I maintained my position, allowing him to comfortably deliver the last few jets of his powerful release.

The semen spread across the back of my tongue. I swallowed as much as possible, but there was just too much, and some dripped out of my mouth, hitting the floor and my pants. I made a noise, more of a gurgle, as he removed his spent cock from my mouth.

He sat back in his chair and exhaled. All he said was, “Wow!” I wiped the semen from my chin and lips using my hand. After a couple of minutes, he pushed his chair back so I could get out from under his desk. As I went to the bathroom to clean up, he told me “bring a warm, wet cloth when you come out to get your spit off my dick.”

He was sitting on the edge of the bed when I returned to his room, and his dick had already started to soften. I knelt down and gently wiped it with the warm, wet cloth then dried it with a soft towel. As I worked on cleaning him up, he said, “thanks, Andrew. It means a lot that I can always count on you when I need something.”

After drying his dick, I went back to his desk, put his discarded boxers in his hamper, and cleaned up any semen and spit that had fallen onto the carpet or his desk chair.

As I was doing that, he tossed the pants and shirt that had been on his bed to the floor and lay down. He told me he was going to take a nap. But before closing his eyes, he had one more request. “When you’re done cleaning up, why don’t you finish that foot massage? It’ll relax me even more and help me fall asleep faster.”

As soon as I finished cleaning up around his desk, I picked up his pants and shirt from the floor, folded them, and put them on his desk. I then closed his curtains so that his room was pitch black. That accomplished, I knelt at the foot of his bed and massaged his feet until I was sure he was sound asleep.

Walking home, the streets looked the same as always, but it felt like a whole different world. My head was spinning, and my heart was still going a mile a minute. The tingling wasn't just a physical buzz from what had happened; it was an electric feeling, a sense of connection to Connor that was unlike anything I'd ever felt.

There was a strange feeling in my mouth, almost a phantom sense of semen clinging to the inside of my mouth. There was an unusual taste too, a manly earthiness of sorts. It wasn't necessarily pleasant, but I wasn't grossed out either. It was just something that came with satisfying Connor. I recognized that I had become the first person initiated into the intimate, exclusive club that would have the precious opportunity to ingest something produced from deep inside his warm body.

It also felt great that he had turned to me. The act itself, and even the cleanup afterward, felt less like a chore and more like an honor and a privilege. It was a private, intoxicating moment between us, a powerful secret that I now carried with me.

Connor called me the next day and invited me over after school.

“I broke up with her,” he said with a sad look in his eyes. “I could put up with a lot, and would have waited, even as all my friends are getting their dicks sucked, but lying to me just went too far. I swear, I never really pressured her. I asked but always said OK when she said she wasn’t ready. I can’t go out with someone who would lead me on like that.”

That Saturday, Zack and I walked over to Patrick's house to play video games. On the way, Zack turned the conversation to Connor. “So, Connor got into OLIC,” he said. That's amazing! All your hard work paid off.”

I shrugged. “Connor did all the work. You'd be amazed at how hard he works and how focused he is. He's also a lot smarter than people give him credit for.”

“True,” Zack responded, “but don't sell yourself short. Even smart kids don't get into OLIC.”

I smiled. “Thanks. I almost feel bad about being paid so much money for it. I'd have done it for free.”

“Nah,” said Zack, “you deserved every penny. Heck, for all the time you missed with me, I should get paid.”

He clapped me on the back, and we both laughed. When we arrived, Patrick was already on the couch and had “You Don't Know Jack” already loaded. Connor came down a few minutes later and sat down to play. I couldn't help but think how this was the exact scene that had led Zack to orchestrate my original humiliation in front of Patrick and Connor. It was hard to believe that day had led to the remarkably close relationship I now enjoyed with Connor. A relationship that days earlier had afforded me the incredibly intimate privilege of swallowing his seed. I couldn’t help but wonder whether Patrick and Zack were thinking about my humiliation as we played again. I certainly hoped not, but I wasn’t about to ask, and thankfully no one brought it up.

It was great to be playing games with all three of them. I was on my best behavior, avoiding any sarcasm and just enjoying the fun exchanges among the four of us. After about an hour Connor left to hang out with friends, and Zack got up to pee, leaving me alone with Patrick.

He leaned toward me and said, “You know, Andrew, I used to think you were arrogant, but knowing how hard you worked to help my brother get into OLIC has made me realize what a good guy you are, even if you sometimes say stupid stuff that gets you into trouble."

This was one of the nicest things Patrick had ever said to me. I smiled. “Thanks, Patrick. That means a lot.”

He reached out his hand and we fist bumped just as Zack came back in. On the walk home, Zack said, “you and Conner seemed pretty chummy there. Is that just from tutoring him for the entrance exam?”

Zack was always so perceptive. “Not really. He's a good guy. I've helped him after sports, like icing his arm, and I’ve helped him with schoolwork too.”

“That's great,” Zack replied. I like Connor a lot too.”

We reached my house. “I'll talk to you later,” I said, as Zack continued down to his house.

A couple of weeks later, I headed over to his house as I did every Tuesday and Friday to help Connor with baseball. I went over expecting to ice his arm and give him a foot massage. We started as we always did, but this time he changed things up.

He was sitting in his usual spot on the couch when I walked in, barefoot and shirtless but still wearing his baseball pants. I washed his sweaty pitching arm with a wet towel as I always did, and then dried his arm before grabbing the ice-sleeve. Once I put the ice sleeve on his arm, I got down on my knees as usual and started massaging his landing foot. About 10 minutes in, around the time his arm usually grew numb to the cold, he gently pulled his foot out of my hand and said “let’s go up to my room. I followed him up the 2 flights of steps.

“It’s under desk time,” he said as he sat on his chair and waited for me to get in position before sliding up to his desk. The button of his baseball pants had been popped and the belt removed but he left the rest for me. He cued up the porn site he wanted to watch on his monitor while I got to work. I unzipped his pants and took them off as he lifted himself up to help me do that. Next was his athletic supporter. I unsnapped the compartment and carefully took out the cup, which was slick with sweat. That move sent the first whiff of his after practice crotch scent my way. He was already fully hard. He lifted himself up again slightly to allow me to remove his boxers and athletic strap at the same time. Once I’d taken everything off, he spread his feet wide and waited for his blowjob.

His cock was visibly moist with sweat - so I hesitated for a second - but he wasn’t having it. He impatiently pulled my head forward until my face was buried in his crotch and my nose was nestled in his pubic hair. Connor had a nicely shaped set of pubes, darker than the hair on his head. His scent was strong and earthy. It wasn’t unbearable by any means, but it took a bit to get used to.

I pulled down his thick foreskin and licked the entire head clean. The taste was far more pungent than it had been the last time. It was a new and unexpectedly intense way of tasting him. I reminded myself that I was here to meet his needs. So I soldiered on, and the more I licked, the more I got used to it and started to feel lucky to be there.

Once again, he pushed in further than was comfortable for me, but I was better able to handle it this time. I also had a better idea of how to read his breathing, so I was better prepared to take his load when he pulled all but the head of his dick out of my mouth and started ejaculating. His soft groans sounded so hot, and I felt each of his voluminous and perfectly spaced out shots, swallowing as he delivered them. I then stayed motionless with my mouth slightly open to allow his cock to rest on my tongue and recover until he pulled it out of my mouth with a loud exhale.

With his taste in my mouth and the smell of his sweat on my face, I got a warm moist towel and wiped my spit off of his dick and pubes. He then pulled the covers off his bed and lay down as I finished his massage. I worked on his feet and calves as he dozed in post-orgasmic bliss until I woke him to take the ice sleeve off. After I stretched his shoulder, he took a shower while I stripped the sheets off his bed, put them in the hamper, and brought the ice sleeve, his athletic cup and the laundry down to the basement. I put the ice sleeve away, put his laundry in the washing machine, and cleaned his athletic cup and cleats before freshening myself up. I then returned upstairs and cleaned his bathroom as we chatted.

That’s how our sessions typically went whenever Connor decided he needed a release. I knew more about what to expect, and got much better over time. I’d like to think that my assistance on Tuesdays and Fridays once again helped Connor have a successful baseball season. The team advanced even further that year than the year before, losing only in the semi final game.

Helping with baseball and cleaning Connor and Patrick’s shared bathroom was virtually all that I did for Connor that semester, his final semester before starting at OLIC. Connor’s academic self confidence after getting a 1530 on the OLIC exam had grown immensely. He almost never asked me for help with school work after that. He’d always been far smarter than he gave himself credit for, and with my help, he’d figured out how to excel on exams. I was so proud when the McLeans acknowledged the help I’d given Connor with the OLIC exam by inviting me to sit with them as Connor graduated.

At the start of the summer, Mr. McLean decided to start paying for a weekly cleaning woman as a gift to his wife. He didn’t know he was also giving me a gift. She fully cleaned all bathrooms including Connor and Patrick’s. I could finally put that chore behind me. When I met the cleaning woman during a visit to Connor’s, she looked surprised at how genuinely happy I was to see her and the warmth of my greeting. She had no idea what we shared in common.

Although I no longer had to clean his bathroom weekly, I still saw Connor when he invited me over to play video games or when he sent me texts tersely stating <<stressed>> or <<frustrated>>. Those texts always meant he wanted a foot massage and sometimes meant he wanted what he euphemistically called “desk time.”

It was far more difficult during the summer to get over there at a time that would work for him since I worked full days at my dad’s company, but unless I had a conflicting obligation, I always responded to these peremptory texts by heading over to his house right away. He told me once that it gave him a heady sense of power to know that he could get me to drop everything and rush over to his house simply by sending me a one word text, and I could feel that sense of power in the way he moved his feet on my face or grabbed my head.

Connor reached another milestone at a midsummer evening pool party thrown by an older brother of one of his friends. I got the details at his house the following day when he invited me over to play video games.

“It happened, Andrew,” he said, beaming. “The funny part is that I didn’t even have to ask. It was all her. She was a Junior from another school and friends with the owner of the house. She was looking at me all night, and when I smiled at her she came up to me and we started talking. After a while she told me to follow her, and we went upstairs into a bedroom, and she immediately went for my dick.”

“Wow, Connor, that’s amazing!” I said.

“Amazing doesn’t begin to describe it,” boasted Connor “It felt so good. I came like a gallon.”

“In her mouth?” I asked.

He grimaced a bit. “Well, my dick was in her mouth when I started to cum, but she pulled away and it went all over the place.”

“Did you say anything before you came?” I asked.

He shrugged, “I wanted to but it just felt so good and it just kind of happened.”

“Was she cool with it?” I asked.

He shrugged again, “At first, I think she was pissed. But then she started laughing. She even commented about how nice my dick is and how she’d never seen someone cum so much.”

“You must have left a huge mess,” I commented.

Connor nodded, “yeah, but after I jizzed, someone knocked on the door. I pulled my pants back up and went outside into the hall to talk to them. It was another couple looking to use the room. I knew the guy and we were talking for a while. When I got back, she was gone and so was the mess. She must have left through the Jack-and-Jill bathroom. I think she left the party too because I didn’t see her when I went back downstairs either.”

“Wow, kind of like a tooth fairy of BJ’s,” I said jokingly.

“Yeah, except she didn’t use her teeth,” he added, laughing out loud.

I felt really happy for him. This one he could brag about to his friends, especially given all the compliments that girl had paid him. It also seemed to increase his confidence. He hadn't even gone hunting; the prey had come to him. As far as I know, Connor never saw her again. Maybe she really was a fairy!

For those of us attending OLIC, the summer ended with the start of classes the day after Labor Day. Shortly after starting his freshman year he met Maddy, at a party thrown by one of Connor's middle school friends. She was very pretty and her sparkling blue eyes almost matched Connor's. Maddy was a Sophomore at a nearby all-girl Catholic high school, St Mary's. It wasn't as selective or as difficult to get into as OLIC, but it had a solid reputation, and was the best option for girls not wanting a coed program.

They started dating shortly after the party, and Connor started to talk about her more. He even introduced me to her when I saw them at a local store. He said I was his big brother from a different mother and that I always took good care of him. We all chatted a while, and she seemed really nice and respectful.

I saw Connor only a few times during the fall semester, putting aside the times we ran into each other at OLIC or at the bus stop. OLIC had a professional trainer and PT coach on staff and the school’s athletic facilities included whirlpools, ice baths, and other equipment to which Connor had access. So he no longer needed the assistance I had provided him after practice. I was sad about that because I had really enjoyed helping him with football and baseball. Once he started seeing Maddy, he no longer asked for blow jobs. In fact, he was so busy with Maddy, with football, and with school that he rarely even summoned me for a foot massage.

January brought an exciting development in my life. I became a licensed driver. I had passed the written and road test in the previous year but had to wait until my birthday to get my full license. On that exact day, I made a trip to the department of motor vehicles to get it. Having a license was a great feeling of independence and expanded my boundaries beyond what was accessible by bike. Of course, with the license, you needed a car. Fortunately for me my dad got a new car and kept his old one for me to use - a Ford Windstar minivan.

Another benefit of this was that I could drive Connor around when he needed a ride. It gave me another reason to be with him and I saw him more often than I had in the fall. He’d always have a good reason when he asked for a ride. It could be his parents were busy, or he had to get somewhere they wouldn't drive him, like to a late-night practice or to a friend’s house on the other side of town. The ride was always a comfortable, private space where we’d talk about his life, school, sports, or girls.

By the time Connor's birthday came around, Maddy was regularly servicing Connor orally. He was on cloud 9. The only thing that stopped him from getting his dick sucked daily were the incredible demands on his time and on Maddy’s time.

We had an especially interesting talk when I gave him a ride in late February.

“Maddy is really great,” he started. “We have so much in common -- same music, same TV shows and same sports teams. She's not much of a gamer but she even tries that with me.”

“Still taking good care of each other sexually?” I asked, opening up the discussion I knew he wanted to have.

“Definitely,” he proclaimed. “I just wish we had more time and more privacy. The other day I was literally in the middle of blowing my load when my mom came home. Thank God she comes in from the front and not the basement.”

“Wow,” I exclaimed. “That must have been a close call.”

“Yes it was.” He added, “another time Patrick walked in while I was giving her oral. That was super embarrassing!”

“Yikes! What did he do?” I said, gritting my teeth.

“He covered his face and raced up the stairs, said Connor with a chuckle. “We laughed about it later.”

“I'm glad you could at least laugh about it. I mean it is funny.”

He grimaced. “Yeah, but the lack of privacy really does suck.”

“Are you two looking to get to the next level?” I asked.

He thought for a second. “Well, I’m definitely ready, but she told me how she regretted losing her virginity the way she did, with some guy that didn't mean anything to her. She wants to wait until we’ve been seeing each other for at least a year before we have intercourse. She wants it to be special, to mean something.”

“How do you feel about that?” I asked.

“I’m totally cool with it,” he said. “It will be my first time so I definitely want it to be special too. Besides,” he added with a satisfied smile, “she’s 100% taking care of my needs right now.”

I smiled back. “I know what you mean about wanting it to be special. Mark wanted the first time with Michelle to be special too, but even when they were ready, he had a huge obstacle to overcome. He’s a slob and she didn't want to do it in his room.”

Connor laughed. “Really? What did he do?”

“I let them use my room,” I replied.

Connor's eyes lit up, and he said only half-jokingly. “I’ll keep that in mind.”