I didn't want to be his best man - 4. Chapter 4- Boyfriend

Boyfriend.

I remember the first time Cory say that word.

It was the summer. It was a perfect situation at the time. My dad had his night when he went out and when he was home he never really questioned me spending hours in my locked bedroom with my male best friend.

We were making out like crazy. Him digging into my bare back. Me grabbing on to his collar. A lot of rubbing.

He pulled away for air. His curls were dripping with sweat.

“So are we like boyfriends?” he asked.

“What?” I laughed.

I couldn’t believe it. He actually used the word “boyfriend”.

“Are we like boyfriends or something?” He got off of me and sat up, “I’m kind of confused about us.”

I sat up too, “Um…”

“Can guys even do that?” he asked. Like I would know.

“I don’t know” I shrugged.

“I need to know because…I like Tina. You know that girl in our math class?”

I laughed, “What?”

“I like her, and I want to ask her to be my girlfriend.”

“Oh.” I grasped.

He nodded, “Yea…but I just wanted make sure that…”

I sat up, “Oh yea, if you want to ask Tina out. Yea go for it.”

I pulled the hair out of face, “I didn’t think you were into her.”

“I didn’t think I was either.” He nodded, “but I now that we have gotten older and I…”

“It’s cool man” I nodded, “You should go for it.”

***

“So when are you going to do it?” Delia asked as we got our coffees.

“I think I’m going to do it all at once. Just ripped the band aid right off.”

Cory and Tina were on their honeymoon. Still. I haven’t talk to my best friend. I wasn’t looking forward to seeing him.

Delia smiled at me. “I’m glad you decide to do come out.”

I took a slip. “It’s a good thing I don’t I have a lot family. I don’t think would’ve been able to tell my dad.”

“You have Matt. Remember?” She pointed out, “He’s your brother. And he’s stuck by you all this time and he’ll struck by you now.”

I nodded. I somehow always seem to forget to count my brother Matt as family. It’s…it’s like we were in this between stage. We were more the friends, but weren’t family. Or at least not in my view.

I looked down at my coffee, “Yea, I guess.”

She put her on the table, “And I may have not known your dad but I think he would love you don’t matter what.”

I looked up at her. She was so beautiful. I kind of wished we could have ended up together.

“I’m scared.” I said.

“You never thought of yourself as a homosexual?” She smirked.

I laughed, “I guess I thought I was a Corysexaul.”

***

I squeezed Delia’s hand as we sat in her living room. Cory and Tina were coming back form their honeymoon. My brother, Matt sat next to us on the couch with his girlfriend Rachel on the arm.

We waited for them.

“You okay?” She whispered.

I nodded.

Then the door opened.

“Hey” Cory and Tina cheered coming though the door.

Of course everybody hugs, and says “We missed you.”

I tried to say out of it, but Cory came at me with opens arms. I hugged him giving him two little pats on the back. Then I hugged Tina.

“Hey can we talk later?” she whispered in my ear.

“Yea sure.”

Then we sat down and talked about the honeymoon.

Delia pinched my thigh.

“Ow” I bit getting up.

“Josh has something he wants to tell you guys.”

Great.

“What’s up bro?” Matt asked.

I cleared my throat.

Delia was smiling at me. Matt seemed interested. And Cory and Tina had their eyebrows raised.

Fuck it.

I stood up front of everybody I knew and said it.

“I’m gay.”

Everybody's mouth dropped.

“I know it’s kind of a shock.”

Rachel raised her, “I’m not that surprised actually.”

Matt spoke up, “This totally cool with me. You’re my brother and I don’t care what you are.”

I nodded, “Thanks Matt.”

“Wait, wait, wait.” Cory hopped up, “No. No, this isn’t happening.”

Here it is.

Cory walks up to me yelling, “No. No. I don’t know where you’re head is. You’re supposed to marry a nice girl, I’m married to Tina. The four of us…”

“Cory stop.” I yelled, “That is your plan, not mine.”

“Josh, don’t you want a family?”

“Maybe my version of a family, is different form yours. Maybe there is a life beyond your white fence.”

“Josh I know what you really want.”

“You have no idea what I want.” I started shouting, “What I want? I want to sleep with a man, a man that cares about me, that puts me first, that…that doesn't hide me away like I’m some second rate slut.”

We were staring lasers into each others eyes.

I took a breath, “I want a man, that wants me. I know what to call that but that’s what I want.”

“I’d call that a boyfriend.” Delia said.

I turned back to Cory, “Yea, I want to a boyfriend.”