I didn't want to be his best man - 3. Chapter 3-Try it again. Now that I know its coming.

I was hanging out at a gay bath house. I know it’s creepy, but it was a great place to think about sexuality. I think it was first time in my life that allowed myself to actually think about it.

I guess I was attracted girls and all. That was never really the problem. But it was something different about me. I guess girls were the easiest thing. There was sex ed. There was social society. There my dad's pressure. There was always an explanation for girls. But there was no book or class on being attracted to boys. There were no instructions or warnings.

I just begin seeing things differently. I never said anything about it. I repressed it actually. I didn’t really know what I was seeing or what it meant until I looked over at Cory that day.

***

It was the day after our first make out party in 8th grade.

Were lying his bed when I asked him, “Why were you scared to kiss her?”

He looked at me confused.

“You already kissed a girl. Last year, remember? We gave you that terrible perm and you looked like a total dork. And Amy Houston kissed you. Remember?”

He nodded.

“If you already kissed one girl. Then why couldn’t you kiss another one at the party?”

I stared at me then looked at the ceiling, “That was different. That was a peck. This is making out, and making out in front of people. Plus I don’t…you know…don’t know how to do it. I’m not like you. I don’t just do things like that.”

He was right. I made out with three girls at that party.

I sat up and looked his clean face. He was so pure and dumb.

“Maybe I could help you?” I asked.

Cory looked at me confused, “Like…like how?

I moved closer to his face. He scanned me and whimpered.

I looked into his young eyes then his innocence lips.

He put a hand on my shoulder. He looked at me with curiously and wonder. I loved it when he looked at me like that. I took it as a green light. I placed my lips on his. He shook. I was shaking too.

Cory wasn’t responding so I pulled back. He looked terrorized.

“You just kissed me?” He grasped.

I nodded, “Yea I did…I just thought…maybe…” I stopped. I didn’t know how to finish that. I just stared at that cute face. I might have had movie star good looks, but he was super cute in that nice guy, loveable dork way.

“Dose that make us gay?”

I shrugged, “I don’t know.”

I honestly didn't know. I didn't really fully understand being gay meant.

He put a hand on my shoulder, “Okay…do it again.”

“What?” I asked.

“Try it again. Now that I know its coming.”

I kissed him again. This time he kissed back. He moved lips with mine. It felt really great. My body was tightening and tingling. I wanted more. After a few seconds we opened mouths and I slipped my tongue into his mouth. His body jerked.

Oh my god. I never thought I’d be kissing a boy like this.

I had to pulled away for air, “Well…um”

I looked down at him. His mouth was gaping open, his eyes were shut, and his eyebrows raised.

We heard the door knob turn. I got off of him and sat up on the other side on the bed. His older brother, Drew, opened the door and went to get something out of the dresser. As he dug though the clothes Cory sat up and we awkwardly shifted our eyes.

That was the day I poisoned both of us.

***

We didn’t really know what to call ourselves. I think Cory would call himself bisexual, if confronted. But I didn’t think of myself as bi. I didn’t have a problem with bisexuality. But my…interest weren’t really 50/50. You know what I mean? I dated girls and had sex with them. It wasn’t bad…but it was different compared to sex with a guy. Being in a man’s arms gave me a high. Touching a guy made me hot.

That’s what I thought about as I was wandering around the bath. A guy nearby winked at me. He was wearing nothing but a towel around his waist. Oh he was fucking hot. Tall dark skinned man with big muscles. I was never really into bald guys, but it looked hot on him.

I winked back, “Hey, you come here often?”

He smiled, “I do."

We playfully flirted for a little bit as the room cleared.

“You’re really hot.” he told me.

I shifted closer to him and sweetly whispered in his ear, “Well I find you hot as well."

We scanned each other’s bodies again.

“How about a quick fuck?” He whispered.

I bit my lip then nodded.

He grabbed my hand and pulled me into a stall. We started making out roughly. Like crazy. I spent all these years thinking Cory was the best kisser. But maybe it was because I had nothing to compare it to. He threw my back against the stall. It was cold and hard, but his body felt hot so I could care. The towels dropped. He grabbed me and flipped me over.

“’God I’m fucking gay.” I screamed for the first time.

And it was time everybody knew about it.